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Washington Mews Books
What Would Mrs. Astor Do?: The Essential Guide to the Manners and Mores of the Gilded Age
This illustrated Gilded Age etiquette guide offers “proof that sliding around the naughty edges of society can be as informative as it is entertaining.” (Alida Becker, The New York Times Books Review) Mark Twain called it the Gilded Age. Between 1870 and 1900, the United States’ population doubled, accompanied by an unparalleled industrial expansion and an explosion of wealth. America was the foremost nation of the world, and New York City was its beating heart. There, the richest and most influential—Thomas Edison, J. P. Morgan, Edith Wharton, the Vanderbilts, Andrew Carnegie, and more—became icons, whose comings and goings were breathlessly reported in the papers of Joseph Pulitzer and William Randolph Hearst. It was a time of abundance, but also bitter rivalries. The Old Money titans found themselves besieged by a vanguard of New Money interlopers eager to gain entrée into their world. Into this morass of money and desire stepped Caroline Astor. An Old Money heiress of the first order, Mrs. Astor was convinced that she was uniquely qualified to uphold the manners and mores of 19th century America. “What would Mrs. Astor do?” became the question every social climber sought to answer. This work serves as a guide to manners as well as an insight to Mrs. Astor’s personal diary and address book. Ceceilia Tichi invites us on a beautifully illustrated tour of the Gilded Age, transporting readers to New York at its most fashionable. “This was a society founded on exclusivity, with floods of tears from those who didn't receive an invitation to Mrs. Astor's annual ball.” — Anne de Courcy, The Wall Street Journal “Presented with a breezy authority that keeps the pages turning.” —Publishers Weekly
306 pages, Kindle Edition
Published May 3, 2022
224 people are currently reading
532 people want to read
About the author
Cecelia Tichi
33 books79 followersA fresh start for every new book, and author Tichi's zest for America's Gilded Age and its boldface names draws this seasoned writer to a crime fiction series while uncorking the country's cocktail cultures on the printed (and ebook) page. Tichi digs deep into the Vanderbilt University research library to mine the late 1800-1900s history and customs of Society's "Four Hundred," its drinks, and the ways high-stakes crimes in its midst make for a gripping "Gilded" mystery series that rings true to the tumultuous era. The decades of America's industrial titans and "Queens" of Society have loomed large in Tichi's books for several years, and the titles track her recent projects:
• Civic Passions: Seven Who Launched Progressive America (and What They Teach Us)
• Jack London: A Writer's Fight for a Better America
• What Would Mrs. Astor Do? A Complete Guide to the Manners and Mores of the Gilded Age
• Gilded Age Cocktails: History, Lore, and Recipes from the Golden Age
• Jazz Age Cocktails: History, Lore, and Recipes from the Roaring Twenties.
• A Gilded Death (crime fiction)
• Murder, Murder, Murder in Gilded Central Park (crime fiction)
• A Fatal Gilded High Note (crime fiction)
Cecelia is at work on a fourth in the series, “A Gilded Free Fall.” She enjoys membership and posting in Facebook’s The Gilded Age Society. You can read more about Cecelia by visiting her Wikipedia page at: https://bit.ly/Tichiwiki or her website: https://cecebooks.com.
• Civic Passions: Seven Who Launched Progressive America (and What They Teach Us)
• Jack London: A Writer's Fight for a Better America
• What Would Mrs. Astor Do? A Complete Guide to the Manners and Mores of the Gilded Age
• Gilded Age Cocktails: History, Lore, and Recipes from the Golden Age
• Jazz Age Cocktails: History, Lore, and Recipes from the Roaring Twenties.
• A Gilded Death (crime fiction)
• Murder, Murder, Murder in Gilded Central Park (crime fiction)
• A Fatal Gilded High Note (crime fiction)
Cecelia is at work on a fourth in the series, “A Gilded Free Fall.” She enjoys membership and posting in Facebook’s The Gilded Age Society. You can read more about Cecelia by visiting her Wikipedia page at: https://bit.ly/Tichiwiki or her website: https://cecebooks.com.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 51 reviews
November 29, 2025
Rating: 4* of five
The Publisher Says: This illustrated Gilded Age etiquette guide offers "proof that sliding around the naughty edges of society can be as informative as it is entertaining." (Alida Becker, The New York Times Books Review)
Mark Twain called it the Gilded Age. Between 1870 and 1900, the United States' population doubled, accompanied by an unparalleled industrial expansion and an explosion of wealth. America was the foremost nation of the world, and New York City was its beating heart. There, the richest and most influential—Thomas Edison, J. P. Morgan, Edith Wharton, the Vanderbilts, Andrew Carnegie, and more—became icons, whose comings and goings were breathlessly reported in the papers of Joseph Pulitzer and William Randolph Hearst. It was a time of abundance, but also bitter rivalries. The Old Money titans found themselves besieged by a vanguard of New Money interlopers eager to gain entrée into their world. Into this morass of money and desire stepped Caroline Astor.
An Old Money heiress of the first order, Mrs. Astor was convinced that she was uniquely qualified to uphold the manners and mores of 19th century America. "What would Mrs. Astor do?" became the question every social climber sought to answer. This work serves as a guide to manners as well as an insight to Mrs. Astor's personal diary and address book. Ceceilia Tichi invites us on a beautifully illustrated tour of the Gilded Age, transporting readers to New York at its most fashionable.
I RECEIVED A DRC FROM THE PUBLISHER VIA EDELWEISS+. THANK YOU.
My Review: So much beauty and opulence shoved up to the surface by so much greed and theft.
Let's not go there this close to the leanest Yule in many a long year. We're not remotely out of the woods economically, but this book is about a time where the economic situation was far, far worse. It's discussed in here, though not exhaustively. It's a social history, it's about how etiquette came to matter so much, which of course requires we know a bit about how the men, all men, stole...made, sorry...so very much money to support the women's social construct.
the lady herself, in her finery painted for posterity
The very idea of entertaining at home was made aspirational by the "Four Hundred" (the number who could fit in Mrs. Astor's ballroom); as late as the 1960s, the idea was prevalent, and while the means changed, the manners barely did.
my generation certainly heard Emily Post's name, same woman and mostly the same advice
Lina Astor was an insufferable snob. Her ballroom was for "the best people," whose money was so old no one living could remember the hustler who got it. Nouveau riche industrialists' wives need not apply. It was a world she ruled, but it was a reign of terror that had to be agreed to; there was nothing forcing anyone into this restrictive social contract except made-up ideas like prestige.
two robber-baron "homes," Manhattan and Newport
Oh, and money of course. Lots and lots and lots of money.Author Tichi does not bear down heavy on the whole "robber baron" thing. There's no way around the money ocean they swam in. It's rather the point of a beautiful, illustrated book about luxury.
smart excessories...I mean accessories!...for Madame and Sir
It's astonishing what boredom does to a person. This time period, up to then the richest in world history, led to wealth disparities but also to the cementing of the idea that one could live a life not mere have an existence. Vacations to exotic places, to different places than you frequented as usual anyway, and recreational shopping (a Georgian idea embraced effusively by the Astor set) became ordinary for these wealthy folk:
shopping and sitting, two "fun" things
What I enjoyed most about this read was the way Author Tichi left it to me to judge, presenting facts and showing (as you see) examples and artifacts for me to decide what I thought about. We are in a new Gilded Age of wealth disparity, and at an economic crossroads, just like these folk were. We need to think carefully about what we individually do, because that becomes by default collective action.
The gifting season should be replete with beautiful tokens of love and affection; that doesn't mean they can't be thought-provoking, interesting, and relevant, too.
then, a residence; now a museum
The Publisher Says: This illustrated Gilded Age etiquette guide offers "proof that sliding around the naughty edges of society can be as informative as it is entertaining." (Alida Becker, The New York Times Books Review)
Mark Twain called it the Gilded Age. Between 1870 and 1900, the United States' population doubled, accompanied by an unparalleled industrial expansion and an explosion of wealth. America was the foremost nation of the world, and New York City was its beating heart. There, the richest and most influential—Thomas Edison, J. P. Morgan, Edith Wharton, the Vanderbilts, Andrew Carnegie, and more—became icons, whose comings and goings were breathlessly reported in the papers of Joseph Pulitzer and William Randolph Hearst. It was a time of abundance, but also bitter rivalries. The Old Money titans found themselves besieged by a vanguard of New Money interlopers eager to gain entrée into their world. Into this morass of money and desire stepped Caroline Astor.
An Old Money heiress of the first order, Mrs. Astor was convinced that she was uniquely qualified to uphold the manners and mores of 19th century America. "What would Mrs. Astor do?" became the question every social climber sought to answer. This work serves as a guide to manners as well as an insight to Mrs. Astor's personal diary and address book. Ceceilia Tichi invites us on a beautifully illustrated tour of the Gilded Age, transporting readers to New York at its most fashionable.
I RECEIVED A DRC FROM THE PUBLISHER VIA EDELWEISS+. THANK YOU.
My Review: So much beauty and opulence shoved up to the surface by so much greed and theft.
Let's not go there this close to the leanest Yule in many a long year. We're not remotely out of the woods economically, but this book is about a time where the economic situation was far, far worse. It's discussed in here, though not exhaustively. It's a social history, it's about how etiquette came to matter so much, which of course requires we know a bit about how the men, all men, stole...made, sorry...so very much money to support the women's social construct.
the lady herself, in her finery painted for posterity
The very idea of entertaining at home was made aspirational by the "Four Hundred" (the number who could fit in Mrs. Astor's ballroom); as late as the 1960s, the idea was prevalent, and while the means changed, the manners barely did.
my generation certainly heard Emily Post's name, same woman and mostly the same advice
Lina Astor was an insufferable snob. Her ballroom was for "the best people," whose money was so old no one living could remember the hustler who got it. Nouveau riche industrialists' wives need not apply. It was a world she ruled, but it was a reign of terror that had to be agreed to; there was nothing forcing anyone into this restrictive social contract except made-up ideas like prestige.
two robber-baron "homes," Manhattan and Newport
Oh, and money of course. Lots and lots and lots of money.Author Tichi does not bear down heavy on the whole "robber baron" thing. There's no way around the money ocean they swam in. It's rather the point of a beautiful, illustrated book about luxury.
smart excessories...I mean accessories!...for Madame and Sir
It's astonishing what boredom does to a person. This time period, up to then the richest in world history, led to wealth disparities but also to the cementing of the idea that one could live a life not mere have an existence. Vacations to exotic places, to different places than you frequented as usual anyway, and recreational shopping (a Georgian idea embraced effusively by the Astor set) became ordinary for these wealthy folk:
shopping and sitting, two "fun" things
What I enjoyed most about this read was the way Author Tichi left it to me to judge, presenting facts and showing (as you see) examples and artifacts for me to decide what I thought about. We are in a new Gilded Age of wealth disparity, and at an economic crossroads, just like these folk were. We need to think carefully about what we individually do, because that becomes by default collective action.
The gifting season should be replete with beautiful tokens of love and affection; that doesn't mean they can't be thought-provoking, interesting, and relevant, too.
then, a residence; now a museum
October 10, 2018
The Gilded Age has fascinated me for years. It’s a contradictory mix of outer beauty and inner ugliness. The homes that survive (for many have not) are examples of opulence. The “cottages” that were built as summer homes in Rhode Island and Georgia are more like miniature palaces. But the women could be petty, spiteful, and downright nasty. One need only hear the story of the rivalry between THE Mrs. Astor and Alva Vanderbilt for proof of that. Today, we tend to look at the era in disgust, even as we complain the divide between rich and poor has never been greater. The men who gave us steel, electricity, and trains are described in negative terms by people who now take these innovations for granted. They are the “robber barons” who took advantage of the poor, despite their philanthropic efforts. Where would many of us be without a Carnegie library?
But these men, who often came up from nothing (see Andrew Carnegie’s birthplace in Scotland), would not have been favorites of Caroline “Lina” Astor. Although, just like the Astors, they had their New York mansions and Rhode Island cottages they were considered the nouveau riche. They didn’t have the impeccable manners and lineage on which Mrs. Astor insisted. She was definitely one of the biggest snobs that ever existed, and yet she was the one the women emulated if they wanted even the slightest chance of getting on the exclusive social calendar.
What Would Mrs. Astor Do? is not wholly about this magnificent lady. It’s about the customs and unwritten rules of polite society, while describing some of the indulgences and excesses of which members of that said society partook. We read of the fancy yachts and the appearances at social events. Homes were built, extended, and redecorated on a whim when a matron determined that her rival’s home was better than hers. Whoever thought only men were cutthroat never met a Gilded Age housewife. And yet, despite the fact that these women were legally the property of their husbands and that they often had to turn a blind eye to their spouse’s infidelities, the wives of the Gilded Age ruled everything that was not connected to business. They’d plan the balls and the nights at the opera, and spent their husband’s riches freely. They used credit long before we carried little rectangles of plastic in our wallets.
While some of the desired rules now seem pedantic and tedious (a woman had to change clothes several times a day depending on her activities, for example), I often found myself wishing that some forms of Gilded Age etiquette were still observed. Oh to receive a prompt reply to an event invitation. And it would be quite nice for a gentleman to take the section of the sidewalk closest to the road. With the exception of the horrendous tale of Evelyn Nesbit, most society women were treated with the utmost respect and propriety. A husband and wife might not love each other – that often wasn’t the reason for marriage – but, by and large, they knew where they stood with each other. Apparently, Mrs. Astor never had a bad word to say about her husband and he never brought embarrassment to her by flaunting his mistress.
Cecelia Tichi utilizes plenty of sources for her work. We have excerpts from that known doyenne of manners, Emily Post. Newspapers of the time described the extravagances of the midnight balls. The novelist, Edith Wharton, was related through her father to Mrs. Astor, and Tichi quotes her works – particularly The House of Mirth – since she wrote from experience. Other social commentators and diarists are also quoted such as May King Rensselaer, Elizabeth Lehr, and Daisy Hurst Harriman. Finally, there is an extensive bibliography and also a list of photography credits.
The last section is on death and, in particular, the death of Lina Astor. Even then, certain etiquette had to be observed. Who knew, for example, that you couldn’t even attend a funeral unless you were invited? I’m willing to bet that ol’ Mrs. Astor even had her social list ready for the eventuality and members of the nouveau riche were definitely persona non grata to that event.
Disclaimer: I received an electronic copy of this book from the publisher via NetGalley. I was not required to write a review, and the words above are my own.
But these men, who often came up from nothing (see Andrew Carnegie’s birthplace in Scotland), would not have been favorites of Caroline “Lina” Astor. Although, just like the Astors, they had their New York mansions and Rhode Island cottages they were considered the nouveau riche. They didn’t have the impeccable manners and lineage on which Mrs. Astor insisted. She was definitely one of the biggest snobs that ever existed, and yet she was the one the women emulated if they wanted even the slightest chance of getting on the exclusive social calendar.
What Would Mrs. Astor Do? is not wholly about this magnificent lady. It’s about the customs and unwritten rules of polite society, while describing some of the indulgences and excesses of which members of that said society partook. We read of the fancy yachts and the appearances at social events. Homes were built, extended, and redecorated on a whim when a matron determined that her rival’s home was better than hers. Whoever thought only men were cutthroat never met a Gilded Age housewife. And yet, despite the fact that these women were legally the property of their husbands and that they often had to turn a blind eye to their spouse’s infidelities, the wives of the Gilded Age ruled everything that was not connected to business. They’d plan the balls and the nights at the opera, and spent their husband’s riches freely. They used credit long before we carried little rectangles of plastic in our wallets.
While some of the desired rules now seem pedantic and tedious (a woman had to change clothes several times a day depending on her activities, for example), I often found myself wishing that some forms of Gilded Age etiquette were still observed. Oh to receive a prompt reply to an event invitation. And it would be quite nice for a gentleman to take the section of the sidewalk closest to the road. With the exception of the horrendous tale of Evelyn Nesbit, most society women were treated with the utmost respect and propriety. A husband and wife might not love each other – that often wasn’t the reason for marriage – but, by and large, they knew where they stood with each other. Apparently, Mrs. Astor never had a bad word to say about her husband and he never brought embarrassment to her by flaunting his mistress.
Cecelia Tichi utilizes plenty of sources for her work. We have excerpts from that known doyenne of manners, Emily Post. Newspapers of the time described the extravagances of the midnight balls. The novelist, Edith Wharton, was related through her father to Mrs. Astor, and Tichi quotes her works – particularly The House of Mirth – since she wrote from experience. Other social commentators and diarists are also quoted such as May King Rensselaer, Elizabeth Lehr, and Daisy Hurst Harriman. Finally, there is an extensive bibliography and also a list of photography credits.
The last section is on death and, in particular, the death of Lina Astor. Even then, certain etiquette had to be observed. Who knew, for example, that you couldn’t even attend a funeral unless you were invited? I’m willing to bet that ol’ Mrs. Astor even had her social list ready for the eventuality and members of the nouveau riche were definitely persona non grata to that event.
Disclaimer: I received an electronic copy of this book from the publisher via NetGalley. I was not required to write a review, and the words above are my own.
March 22, 2019
Thoroughly entertaining portrait of New York in the Gilded Age with Caroline Astor as our guide. Facts, anecdotes, tall stories, scandals – it’s all here, and the book provides a useful reference tome for anyone wishing to know more about daily life in this most glamorous if often shallow and wasteful era.
October 24, 2021
The life, privilege, and position of the lady who set the bar high.
February 28, 2019
A library book. 2-1/2 to 3 stars. This was fairly interesting to anyone who wishes to know how the ultra-rich lived in NYC, late 1800s to early 1900s. Some dullish pedantic wandering, but a generally pleasant, quick-and-easy read.
February 5, 2019
An Everything but the Kitchen Sink-style primer on the basic history of the Gilded Age.
The information presented is accurate and well organized, though none of it will be anything new if you're reasonably well educated about the era.
Unfortunately the book takes far too broad a stroke for enthusiasts of Gilded Age history, who will find most of the information to be unoriginal.
The ARC I received also had a lot of major formatting issues. All photo plates were either missing or weirdly fragmented in such a way that renders them unusable. Huge swaths of the book were completely unreadable due to paragraph symbols being inserted every 2-3 words. And every instance of the letter combinations "fr" and "ft" in a word were omitted. So "often" was always printed as "oen" and "rooftop" became "rooop."
One expects some typographical errors and minor formatting issues in an ARC, but this kind of printing negligence is inexcusable. It's near impossible to decipher and it's lazy and disrespectful to your advance readers to ask them to attempt to parse it.
For the record I expect all of the formatting problems to of course be corrected in the published copy, but this breed of sloppiness from the publisher still colors my opinion on whether to recommend the book. I don't take minor or frequent errors of this nature into account when I rate a book, but this was far too egregious to ignore, and the content and quality of the book is far too average for it to overcome these transgressions.
*I received an ARC of this book via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.*
The information presented is accurate and well organized, though none of it will be anything new if you're reasonably well educated about the era.
Unfortunately the book takes far too broad a stroke for enthusiasts of Gilded Age history, who will find most of the information to be unoriginal.
The ARC I received also had a lot of major formatting issues. All photo plates were either missing or weirdly fragmented in such a way that renders them unusable. Huge swaths of the book were completely unreadable due to paragraph symbols being inserted every 2-3 words. And every instance of the letter combinations "fr" and "ft" in a word were omitted. So "often" was always printed as "oen" and "rooftop" became "rooop."
One expects some typographical errors and minor formatting issues in an ARC, but this kind of printing negligence is inexcusable. It's near impossible to decipher and it's lazy and disrespectful to your advance readers to ask them to attempt to parse it.
For the record I expect all of the formatting problems to of course be corrected in the published copy, but this breed of sloppiness from the publisher still colors my opinion on whether to recommend the book. I don't take minor or frequent errors of this nature into account when I rate a book, but this was far too egregious to ignore, and the content and quality of the book is far too average for it to overcome these transgressions.
*I received an ARC of this book via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.*
March 21, 2022
Everything you could ever want to know about the excessive, ostentatious lifestyles of the creme of New York society during the Gilded Age. This book was very well researched and organized, and covered all aspects of the manners and mores and customs which ruled their world, from the milestones of life through the social seasons of the calendar year.
March 23, 2019
The title is a little misleading. Ms. Tichi dedicates part of a chapter to Mrs. Astor and Ward McAllister, but on the whole the book is about numerous trappings and social behaviors of the Gilded Age. I thoroughly enjoyed it.
May 21, 2019
This is not an etiquette book because it does not tell us all the rules that a dollar princess of the 1890's and her family must follow. This is a small book about the etiquette, social life and customs of the arbitrators of American society between 1870 and 1914. The City of New York (Manhattan) was becoming THE Capital of Fashion and Style after the American Civil War. It had been like Boston or Washington or Richmond, Virginia: one of the capitals of taste and all of them rather reluctant to be stylish and more interested in portraying themselves as godly, sober and prudent. New York Society bought their gowns from Paris, but laid them away for a year because it would not be seemly to wear the latest fashion when it was the latest fashion in Europe.
But the Civil War and Reconstruction brought the railroad tycoon, the shipping tycoon, the meat packing and canned goods tycoon, the coal and oil barons, the speculator and what we might call the "technology" tycoon (electric power, telephones, wireless telegraph, assembly line and efficiency-in-home-and-factory) to the city that had always handled the nation's money. Those men brought their wives and families, and those ladies expected to become part of the New York Upper Crust. They had as much money as the Knickerbocker aristocrats. They also wanted to flaunt it - genteelly of course - but they weren't genteel by Old New York standards. What was Old New York Society to do, being crowded by all the new moneyed?
Enter Ward McAllister, an arriviste but a Southerner with charm and a taste for the fine things, like hosting a dinner party that said the hostess and diners were truly "well bred". He made Mrs. William Astor (nee Caroline Webster Schermerhorn) The Mrs. Astor and she made him. Mrs. Astor had the Old New York Knickerbocker bloodline and upbringing, and the Astor family were richer than rich and literally owned the city they stood upon.
Between them, Mrs Astor and Ward McAllister said who was IN or OUT of New York Society and they set in place what was Done and Not Done.
So this book is an introduction to what a society matron in New York did with her time on all occasions, in the places that mattered, with her husband's money, or what she should do and sometimes what she did do. References are taken from the etiquette manuals of the period - including "Etiquette" by Emily Post [1922]. Mrs. Post grew up in New York Society at the end of Mrs. Astor's reign, so I guess her book counts as "Gilded Age" confronting "Jazz Age" manners. A number of vignettes from the memoirs of New York Gilded Age Society members (like Mrs. Elizabeth Drexel) are in this book as well.
It's more the Red Velvet Cupcake and not the entire Red Velvet Cake, but Ms. Tichi provides a bibliography of her source materials, and most of those are accessible on www.archive.org or the Library of Congress's website of digitized books. There are some delightful or insightful pictures throughout the text, with a section in colour. The dimensions of the book are small, octavo sized, so if you are nearsighted like me, you will need a magnifying glass to glimpse details.
But the Civil War and Reconstruction brought the railroad tycoon, the shipping tycoon, the meat packing and canned goods tycoon, the coal and oil barons, the speculator and what we might call the "technology" tycoon (electric power, telephones, wireless telegraph, assembly line and efficiency-in-home-and-factory) to the city that had always handled the nation's money. Those men brought their wives and families, and those ladies expected to become part of the New York Upper Crust. They had as much money as the Knickerbocker aristocrats. They also wanted to flaunt it - genteelly of course - but they weren't genteel by Old New York standards. What was Old New York Society to do, being crowded by all the new moneyed?
Enter Ward McAllister, an arriviste but a Southerner with charm and a taste for the fine things, like hosting a dinner party that said the hostess and diners were truly "well bred". He made Mrs. William Astor (nee Caroline Webster Schermerhorn) The Mrs. Astor and she made him. Mrs. Astor had the Old New York Knickerbocker bloodline and upbringing, and the Astor family were richer than rich and literally owned the city they stood upon.
Between them, Mrs Astor and Ward McAllister said who was IN or OUT of New York Society and they set in place what was Done and Not Done.
So this book is an introduction to what a society matron in New York did with her time on all occasions, in the places that mattered, with her husband's money, or what she should do and sometimes what she did do. References are taken from the etiquette manuals of the period - including "Etiquette" by Emily Post [1922]. Mrs. Post grew up in New York Society at the end of Mrs. Astor's reign, so I guess her book counts as "Gilded Age" confronting "Jazz Age" manners. A number of vignettes from the memoirs of New York Gilded Age Society members (like Mrs. Elizabeth Drexel) are in this book as well.
It's more the Red Velvet Cupcake and not the entire Red Velvet Cake, but Ms. Tichi provides a bibliography of her source materials, and most of those are accessible on www.archive.org or the Library of Congress's website of digitized books. There are some delightful or insightful pictures throughout the text, with a section in colour. The dimensions of the book are small, octavo sized, so if you are nearsighted like me, you will need a magnifying glass to glimpse details.
October 1, 2023
What Would Mrs. Astor Do? by Cecelia Tichi is an introduction to Gilded Age New York’s high society, specifically that of the Four Hundred who followed the rules and regulations of etiquette, as laid out by Mrs. Caroline Astor, one of the most well-known women of the late 1800s. This book is full of excellent quotes and references from sources such as Edith Wharton, Ward McAllister, the Delineator, and household newspapers such as The Times and Herald, but for a title suggesting the content therein would have Mrs. Astor as the main focal point, the book was decidedly lacking.
This reads as a sort of primer that introduces the reader to what the Gilded Age in America was, specifically as it existed in New York City. It’s a 101 course for those with little to no background in this moment in history, not for historians already well acquainted with the topic, so please take note. Tichi covers an expansive array of topics including interior design, architecture, summer vacations, literature and art, sports, all the way to the famous balls thrown by Mrs. Astor herself, specifically as these matters pertained to the Four Hundred. She includes a variety of illustrations and photographs throughout the book, which I did find particularly delightful, and credits a number of institutions for their assistance in her research, including the Library of Congress and the Museum of the City of New York.
That being said, when Tichi delved into more complex subjects—such as the murder of Jubilee Jim—this was lacking in a number of details and portrayed the death as nothing more than romantic rivalry, which was hardly the entire story. For a well-documented account, I’d suggest reading Rogues’ Gallery by John Oller. Another problem I had was with references to Victorian-American mourning traditions, and a number of very generalized, sweeping statements, such as “no longer was a widow to wear head-to-foot widow’s weeds” or “Gilded Age preferences sometimes extended to muted colors, perhaps lavender or gray” and “a two-year mourning period was expected for widows and widowers.” These are all factually untrue. Widow’s weeds lasted until World War One, before the tradition all but disappeared. Lavender and gray clothing wasn’t a Gilded Age preference, but a very specific period for women in mourning. You absolutely could not wear those colors at the time of death of a family member. And widowers never mourned for two years—men were only expected to mourn for a few months at most. For a deep-dive into this topic, I’d suggest picking up Mourning Dress by Lou Taylor.
I five star this read for the bits and bobs I came for and did get—the superfluous matters like, the best style for a calling card or the menus and prices of lavish parties—those ridiculous details that the Four Hundred were so focused on so as to not lose face with the queen of society. And again, the photos were an excellent addition as well. The book is accessible for someone who would like a very basic understanding of the time period, but it would have benefited from an editing team better and more versed in Gilded Age history.
This reads as a sort of primer that introduces the reader to what the Gilded Age in America was, specifically as it existed in New York City. It’s a 101 course for those with little to no background in this moment in history, not for historians already well acquainted with the topic, so please take note. Tichi covers an expansive array of topics including interior design, architecture, summer vacations, literature and art, sports, all the way to the famous balls thrown by Mrs. Astor herself, specifically as these matters pertained to the Four Hundred. She includes a variety of illustrations and photographs throughout the book, which I did find particularly delightful, and credits a number of institutions for their assistance in her research, including the Library of Congress and the Museum of the City of New York.
That being said, when Tichi delved into more complex subjects—such as the murder of Jubilee Jim—this was lacking in a number of details and portrayed the death as nothing more than romantic rivalry, which was hardly the entire story. For a well-documented account, I’d suggest reading Rogues’ Gallery by John Oller. Another problem I had was with references to Victorian-American mourning traditions, and a number of very generalized, sweeping statements, such as “no longer was a widow to wear head-to-foot widow’s weeds” or “Gilded Age preferences sometimes extended to muted colors, perhaps lavender or gray” and “a two-year mourning period was expected for widows and widowers.” These are all factually untrue. Widow’s weeds lasted until World War One, before the tradition all but disappeared. Lavender and gray clothing wasn’t a Gilded Age preference, but a very specific period for women in mourning. You absolutely could not wear those colors at the time of death of a family member. And widowers never mourned for two years—men were only expected to mourn for a few months at most. For a deep-dive into this topic, I’d suggest picking up Mourning Dress by Lou Taylor.
I five star this read for the bits and bobs I came for and did get—the superfluous matters like, the best style for a calling card or the menus and prices of lavish parties—those ridiculous details that the Four Hundred were so focused on so as to not lose face with the queen of society. And again, the photos were an excellent addition as well. The book is accessible for someone who would like a very basic understanding of the time period, but it would have benefited from an editing team better and more versed in Gilded Age history.
October 6, 2020
This book covers the lifestyles of the rich in the Gilded Age, which includes a large dose of manners and etiquette. One of my guilty pleasure is reading about rich people in society and I'm also passionate about etiquette. This book was heaven to me! It brought so much joy into my life. I was able to rest in the rarified air of the time period. It was well written and an easy read. It contained so much fascinating historical detail about high society during the Gilded Age!
There were frequent references to other interesting sounding books on the period. I noted several additional titles that I want to read in the future. These include: "Society as I Have Found It" by Ward McAllister, "This Was My Newport" by Maud Howe Elliott & "What the Social Classes Owe to Each Other" by William Graham Sumner.
There were also a lot of references to Edith Wharton's "House of Mirth" which I just happened to have read recently. I enjoyed this book much more than HoM! But if you are going to read HoM, this is a great companion piece.
One critique is that there were section breaks, but no page breaks for chapters. The continuous text made the writing feel endless. Not in a good way.
The author was also critical of religion in the section that addressed this topic. The Gilded Age was very religious. It was generally believed during that period that discipline and virtue lead to success and wealth. In the section discussing religion and charitable endeavors, that author adopts Edith Wharton's tone which is distrustful of religion (seeing it often as empty and hypocritical) and also tinged with modern hints of class warfare. She seems to be indicting the rich solely on the basis that they had money. She sanctifies Andrew Carnegie because he gave away his fortune. The author also cheers when the Gilded Age began welcoming divorce and treated it as a great improvement to the age. And, she celebrates 'muckrakers' and calls their books "classics".
I was excited to hear that this author wrote other books on manners, but was disappointed that none of them seem to rise to the level of this book. This book was heaven to me!
There were frequent references to other interesting sounding books on the period. I noted several additional titles that I want to read in the future. These include: "Society as I Have Found It" by Ward McAllister, "This Was My Newport" by Maud Howe Elliott & "What the Social Classes Owe to Each Other" by William Graham Sumner.
There were also a lot of references to Edith Wharton's "House of Mirth" which I just happened to have read recently. I enjoyed this book much more than HoM! But if you are going to read HoM, this is a great companion piece.
One critique is that there were section breaks, but no page breaks for chapters. The continuous text made the writing feel endless. Not in a good way.
The author was also critical of religion in the section that addressed this topic. The Gilded Age was very religious. It was generally believed during that period that discipline and virtue lead to success and wealth. In the section discussing religion and charitable endeavors, that author adopts Edith Wharton's tone which is distrustful of religion (seeing it often as empty and hypocritical) and also tinged with modern hints of class warfare. She seems to be indicting the rich solely on the basis that they had money. She sanctifies Andrew Carnegie because he gave away his fortune. The author also cheers when the Gilded Age began welcoming divorce and treated it as a great improvement to the age. And, she celebrates 'muckrakers' and calls their books "classics".
I was excited to hear that this author wrote other books on manners, but was disappointed that none of them seem to rise to the level of this book. This book was heaven to me!
February 16, 2019
This was quite an enjoyable read! “What Would Mrs. Astor Do?” covers an eclectic group of topics on the etiquette and norms of the wealthiest New Yorkers during Gilded Age. It gives the reader an inside view of how one achieved social status during this period and what the consequences of such status could be. The book makes it clear that acceptance into the elite group of monied New Yorkers (Mrs. Astor’s list of 400) required much more than simply money and wealth. While certainly, money was a prerequisite for the list, that was only one of the requirements! Even if one had money, it had to be the right type of money. That, of course, would be “old money”. And once again, that alone would not be enough if one did not then subscribe to the absolute rules, etiquette, and acceptable norms of behavior. Mrs. Astor was considered the ultimate authority and arbitrator on the rules, so when in doubt simply think, “What Would Mrs. Astor Do?” And mind you, we are not talking simply table manners here! The rules cover almost every aspect of life from the proper way for a gentleman to walk down the street, to how to approach your box seat at the opera, to the final test of good taste, one’s funeral! “What Would Mrs. Astor Do” is an entertaining as well as an insightful book. I could not read the book without thinking where we have come from and where we are. And while the world has so changed and Mrs. Astor is clearly gone, I am not sure her rules or at least the spirit of those rule are! I was honored to receive a copy of this book from NetGalley and the Publisher New York University Press in exchange for an honest review.
March 5, 2022
When Caroline Webster Schermerhorn married William Backhouse Astor Jr. the beginning of modern American society was born. Mrs. Astor became arguably the most celebrated socialite of all time. Throughout her reign, she guided a nation in propriety. She was the perfect mixture of old money values with modern New York Gilded Age style and class. She took it upon herself to address her admirers in etiquette, proper dress, education and used her influence to shape all that was to be expected and accepted.
Mrs. Astor has always fascinated me. What kind of woman would command such a loyal following in such a male-dominated time? What was it about her? Whether you think of her as the ultimate Eastern snob or the Preppy Queen of the World this fascinating account of how things were (and in some circles continue to be) from Cecelia Tichi is a must-read for the modern woman. Whether you relish in her accomplishments or are astounded by her snobbery Mrs. Astor's story is noteworthy and is flawlessly told with pictures and drawings to accentuate every grand detail.
I would recommend this book for every woman to read at least once in her life. History buffs will love the rare glimpse into this amazing woman's influence. This book should hold its place in the same regard as Emily Post's Etiquette and reserve its place right beside it on the shelf. It’s perfect for a women's book club to read discussing the book at a fun and proper Astor-inspired luncheon at a posh restaurant in the city.
Mrs. Astor has always fascinated me. What kind of woman would command such a loyal following in such a male-dominated time? What was it about her? Whether you think of her as the ultimate Eastern snob or the Preppy Queen of the World this fascinating account of how things were (and in some circles continue to be) from Cecelia Tichi is a must-read for the modern woman. Whether you relish in her accomplishments or are astounded by her snobbery Mrs. Astor's story is noteworthy and is flawlessly told with pictures and drawings to accentuate every grand detail.
I would recommend this book for every woman to read at least once in her life. History buffs will love the rare glimpse into this amazing woman's influence. This book should hold its place in the same regard as Emily Post's Etiquette and reserve its place right beside it on the shelf. It’s perfect for a women's book club to read discussing the book at a fun and proper Astor-inspired luncheon at a posh restaurant in the city.
July 26, 2018
This book talked about upper class society in New York during the 1870 to 1900 period. The author provided brief biographies of the people who set the trends (like Mrs. Astor), quoted people who lived during that period talking about what it was like, quoted etiquette manuals as to proper behavior (for dining, funerals, etc.), and quoted magazine or newspaper articles talking about what the fashionable set wore or did. She also talked about how people reacted to new inventions, like electricity and telephones, or new trends, like eating lobsters or department stores.
Some of the topics covered were: fashionable house furnishing, lady's department stores, where men got their clothing, gentlemen's clubs, lady's clubs, dining out, hat styles, walking canes, cars, horseback riding, sports, bicycles, fashionable color combinations for clothing, what to wear for many different occasions, street etiquette, letter writing, calling cards, what the fashionable ate and drank, theaters, restaurants, Central Park, Newport, the Bowery, sailing, train travel, ocean liners, Wall Street, schools, views on divorce, and funerals.
I received an ebook review copy of this book from the publisher through Netgalley.
Some of the topics covered were: fashionable house furnishing, lady's department stores, where men got their clothing, gentlemen's clubs, lady's clubs, dining out, hat styles, walking canes, cars, horseback riding, sports, bicycles, fashionable color combinations for clothing, what to wear for many different occasions, street etiquette, letter writing, calling cards, what the fashionable ate and drank, theaters, restaurants, Central Park, Newport, the Bowery, sailing, train travel, ocean liners, Wall Street, schools, views on divorce, and funerals.
I received an ebook review copy of this book from the publisher through Netgalley.
March 5, 2024
I expected this book to be fun and maybe a little eye-rolling and my expectations were met. What a life! It's beyond me why anyone would want to live a rule-bound and stifling life, to be owned and managed by one woman who was somehow allowed to be the judge and jury of who was worthy and who was not. However, the parallels to today are apparent in their excessive shows of wealth and their disdain for everyone outside the 400.
This quote is one I loved: One caveat in dressing for the Gilded Age: “Never dress above your station; it is a grievous mistake, and leads to great evils, besides being the proof of an utter want of taste.” What might those evils be?
One yacht kept a cow on board so that his friends could have fresh milk. And all that dressing and undressing to be proper for the next meal, outing, or visit. Whew!
They mention the newly rich, often from the Western states. The ones who dressed as they pleased, spoke with everyone and led a relaxed and cheerful life. Of course, those sorts were seen as heathens. I'll stick with the heathens.
I do recommend the book. There's some good history, lots of familiar names, and considerable humor, intended or not.
This quote is one I loved: One caveat in dressing for the Gilded Age: “Never dress above your station; it is a grievous mistake, and leads to great evils, besides being the proof of an utter want of taste.” What might those evils be?
One yacht kept a cow on board so that his friends could have fresh milk. And all that dressing and undressing to be proper for the next meal, outing, or visit. Whew!
They mention the newly rich, often from the Western states. The ones who dressed as they pleased, spoke with everyone and led a relaxed and cheerful life. Of course, those sorts were seen as heathens. I'll stick with the heathens.
I do recommend the book. There's some good history, lots of familiar names, and considerable humor, intended or not.
April 17, 2019
The More Things Change, The More They Stay the Same
Gilded Age: A time when greed was good, America was expanding from sea to shining sea, and conspicuous consumption was the norm for the very wealthy. This book peers into the lives of NYC's old society as they grapple with accepting the hordes of new money. They looked upon the nouveau riche as ill-mannered, uncouth social climbers. Times were changing and the rules of compartment & etiquette were the only things that kept society from descending into the common dustbin. This book has photographs,illustrations from the time, and excerpts from the writings of gilded ladies and gentlemen. This book is a peek into the parlors, ballrooms, restaurants and even vacation " cottages" of the time. It was easy to read, with chapters that flow well. I bought the e-book version, which made looking up some obsolete terms easy to check up using the dictionary available on the kindle.
Gilded Age: A time when greed was good, America was expanding from sea to shining sea, and conspicuous consumption was the norm for the very wealthy. This book peers into the lives of NYC's old society as they grapple with accepting the hordes of new money. They looked upon the nouveau riche as ill-mannered, uncouth social climbers. Times were changing and the rules of compartment & etiquette were the only things that kept society from descending into the common dustbin. This book has photographs,illustrations from the time, and excerpts from the writings of gilded ladies and gentlemen. This book is a peek into the parlors, ballrooms, restaurants and even vacation " cottages" of the time. It was easy to read, with chapters that flow well. I bought the e-book version, which made looking up some obsolete terms easy to check up using the dictionary available on the kindle.
October 26, 2018
Thank you to NetGalley for providing an advanced copy of this book for me to provide an honest and fair review!
For anyone interested in the late Victoria/Edwardian era on this side of the Atlantic, What Would Mrs. Astor Do is a fantastic look at social norms and expectations for the upper classes. It is a great balance between smaller tidbits and bigger stories, and is perfect for the reader that only has a few minutes to read at a time. I do have a solid background in etiquette and social expectations of the period, but I did still learn more. It is a pop history of the time, so I would say that anyone could pick this up and read it without issue (aside from the number of Astors being rather confusing).
I do wish that there had been slightly more information on the middle and lower classes. Yes, it does focus on Mrs. Astor and her like, but it wold have been quite interesting to read more on their servants and the people that they interacted with (for example at the new department stores that they shopped in).
For anyone interested in the late Victoria/Edwardian era on this side of the Atlantic, What Would Mrs. Astor Do is a fantastic look at social norms and expectations for the upper classes. It is a great balance between smaller tidbits and bigger stories, and is perfect for the reader that only has a few minutes to read at a time. I do have a solid background in etiquette and social expectations of the period, but I did still learn more. It is a pop history of the time, so I would say that anyone could pick this up and read it without issue (aside from the number of Astors being rather confusing).
I do wish that there had been slightly more information on the middle and lower classes. Yes, it does focus on Mrs. Astor and her like, but it wold have been quite interesting to read more on their servants and the people that they interacted with (for example at the new department stores that they shopped in).
November 19, 2018
I received this electronic book from the publisher to review and unfortunately my thoughts are marred by the extremely bad copy I received. Throughout the entire book letters were missing from words. You often could puzzle out what the word was but not always and the whole flow of the book was held up by this flaw. Nevertheless this was an enjoyable book about a time period where the gap between rich and poor was enormous and the rich reveled in the excess. Caroline Astor is the Mrs. Astor of the title and she is used as the framing device to describe this period, basically from the 1870s to the early 1900s. The life of the rich and famous is described as well as where they lived. As someone who has visited the Newport 'cottages', it makes it easy to picture the extremes that made up their lives.
February 15, 2020
As a thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for providing me with an advanced reader copy I shall give an honest review of Ceceilia Tichi’s “What would Mrs.Astor do?”. This book presents a period Mark Twain called the Gilded Age. In this period lived the richest and most influential individuals in America’s history. Their impact on American culture is still felt today. As a reader of Edith Wharton’s novels I have been exposed slightly to this culture and in this book was shown details to the life Wharton and her contemporaries lived. The order to which the chapters were chosen was poignant and examined different facets to the lives of Astor’s chosen 400. If you love Downton Abbey and period pieces you will love this book. Overall I enjoyed this book and give it four of five stars on Goodreads.
November 21, 2023
A fascinating peek into the lives of New York’s “movers and shakers” during the Gilded Age. Terribly interesting, yet I felt like a voyeur watching a train wreck as I learned about the restrictions and expectations heaped upon the elite. I am grateful for the personal freedoms and breadth of choices available to me now in comparison to those “privileged” women who lived more than a century ago. I tend to agree with Teddy Roosevelt in thinking that such an indulgent lifestyle can lead only to “degeneration of character.” This book also makes me want to reread Tichi’s books celebrating the indomitable Valentine DeVere - I can appreciate her courage and rebellion all the more after reading this illuminating book.
July 19, 2019
A truly marvelous, true and entertaining depiction of the Gilded Age encompassing architecture, interior design, etiquette, stationery, technological advancements and more. It was a truly delightful read, with tons of recommendations of other books and guides pertaining to that time.
It is easy to read, gliding into each subject effortlessly. It is not a heavy read, mixing hard data, pictures, small biographical snippets and funny happenings of the times. If you are into period reads, with tons of historical anecdotes, this book is for you!
It is easy to read, gliding into each subject effortlessly. It is not a heavy read, mixing hard data, pictures, small biographical snippets and funny happenings of the times. If you are into period reads, with tons of historical anecdotes, this book is for you!
January 22, 2022
I don't usually bring this up but this actually greatly impacts my review
I paid 88¢ for this book. Yes $0.88 including tax
So for less than the cost of a cup of coffee it was a great read.
At it's full retail price it would probably be a 2 or 3 star book.
If you have an interest in the Gilded Age in NY and since Julian Fellowes has a new series coming to HBO https://www.hbo.com/the-gilded-age on Monday it was very fortuitous of me to find the not yet fully read book on my Kindle.
It's rather factual and informative
I paid 88¢ for this book. Yes $0.88 including tax
So for less than the cost of a cup of coffee it was a great read.
At it's full retail price it would probably be a 2 or 3 star book.
If you have an interest in the Gilded Age in NY and since Julian Fellowes has a new series coming to HBO https://www.hbo.com/the-gilded-age on Monday it was very fortuitous of me to find the not yet fully read book on my Kindle.
It's rather factual and informative
June 20, 2018
Wow. What waste, what arrogance. Such bores! It's so pathetic that the world's wealthy never can think of better things to do with their money but promote their own silly interests and expect everyone else to aspire to be them! Money just wrecks the world. Read this for a good laugh. The absurdity and wastefulness is appalling. The ignorance and callousness sickens. Yeah, the Four Hundred were a sorry lot. it's a well researched book and contains lots in insight into the upper upper crust.
November 4, 2018
I love books about manners, etiquette, and history and this book was perfect.
An enjoyable and thought provoking look at the lifestyle of the elites of the Gilded Age.
It's well researched, well written, and you cannot help being fascinated and repulsed at the same time by the lifestyle of the elites.
A very good book, highly recommended!
Many thanks to NYU Press and Edelweiss for this ARC
An enjoyable and thought provoking look at the lifestyle of the elites of the Gilded Age.
It's well researched, well written, and you cannot help being fascinated and repulsed at the same time by the lifestyle of the elites.
A very good book, highly recommended!
Many thanks to NYU Press and Edelweiss for this ARC
November 7, 2018
This book is kind of an etiquette guide with some history of the places they gathered and the activities in which these oligarchs participated. While decently sourced, to an experienced reader, there's little that's new. It's a little dull.
A copy of this book was given to the reviewer through NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
A copy of this book was given to the reviewer through NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
August 18, 2019
Last year I went to Newport and to Biltmore. Then in March I heard this author speak. So I had to read this account of society during the Gilded Age. I found it quite entertaining and fascinating. It’s funny how things can change so much and yet not change at all. People are always people. Just so glad we don’t dress like that anymore!
June 12, 2020
An interesting read for anyone wanting an in-depth look at wealthy Americans in the previous Gilded Age. Whether as a source of information for a creative work set in the period, a compare-and-contrast exercise against the rich of today, or just out of general interest, this is a well written, fact-filled reference.
Recommended for anyone with an interest in the well-to-do of 100+ years ago.
Recommended for anyone with an interest in the well-to-do of 100+ years ago.
January 12, 2021
This had meticulous research and covered a wide variety of topics. It related a lot of anecdotes and first-person observations. For all of that, though, I think it covered too much and, as a result, never went very in depth on anything. It also felt less like a the guide the title says and more a very well researched overview of the Gilded Age World of the priveleged.
did-not-finish
April 2, 2025This makes an interesting companion to watching The Gilded Age on HBO, but I couldn't quite get through the whole thing. Better for browsing and not reading cover to cover, unless you are a producer or writer for The Gilded Age and are looking for future plot points, production design, costumes, dialogue and characterization. In that case, it's a gold mine.
October 7, 2018
Enjoyable but general overview, with bits of potted re-tellings of period novels.
Not really essential if you know a lot about the time period.
Better recommendations-->non-fiction To Marry An English Lord by Gail MacColl
fiction-->The American Heiress by Daisy Goodwin
Not really essential if you know a lot about the time period.
Better recommendations-->non-fiction To Marry An English Lord by Gail MacColl
fiction-->The American Heiress by Daisy Goodwin
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