Introverted Mom: Your Guide to More Calm, Less Guilt, and Quiet Joy

by Jamie C. Martin

Your personality is a gift, not a liability. This book helps you uncover and embrace the hope, laughter, and joy of using your unique gifts to parent your children.

Life as a mom is LOUD, but you long for quiet.

When the volume of family life clashes with your personality, frustration, guilt, and overwhelm naturally result. In Introverted Mom, author Jamie C. Martin lifts these burdens from your shoulders, reminding you that your steady strength is exactly what your family needs in this chaotic world.

Jamie shares vulnerable stories from her own life as well as thoughts from other introverted mothers, letting you know you're not alone. Her practical suggestions and creative inspiration are enhanced with quotes and insights from four beloved writers--Louisa May Alcott, Jane Austen, L. M. Montgomery, and Laura Ingalls Wilder. Together, Jamie and this band of fellow introverts share their wisdom on . . .


Believing that you're enough
Self-acceptance that leads to freedom
Navigating heartache and disappointment
Stretching out of your comfort zone
Connecting with God as an introvert
Cultivating calm wherever you are
Defining for yourself what really matters
Whether you've just realized you're an introvert, or if you've known it all along, this book is for you. It's time to honor who you are and savor life as an introverted mom.

*Note: Written from a Christian perspective

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Self Help, Christian, Audiobook, Christian Living, Faith

240 pages, Paperback

First published May 7, 2019

About the author

Jamie C. Martin is an introverted mom of three, who loves books, tea, and people (not always in that order), and avoids answering the phone when possible.

She created the site Steady Mom in 2009, and began SimpleHomeschool.net in 2010, where she’s been writing about intentional education for nearly a decade. Jamie is also the author of Introverted Mom, Give Your Child the World, Mindset for Moms, and Steady Days.

Her work has been featured by LeVar Burton of Reading Rainbow, the Washington Post, Apartment Therapy, (in)courage, Parents, ProBlogger, Ann Voskamp, The Art of Simple with Tsh Oxenreider, and The Read Aloud Revival with Sarah Mackenzie.

Reviews

[Katy O.]

😡 for the folks (publishers) in the back: IT IS FALSE ADVERTISING TO NOT INCLUDE ON THE COVER OR BACK COVER THE FACT THAT THIS IS A CHRISTIAN-WITH-A-CAPITAL-C BOOK. I’m all for Christians having God Books to read - as many as they want! But make it clear that that’s what it is please. Same goes for any religion - if it’s faith-based, make that blatantly clear.

The back copy and front cover of this book did NOT include anything about the mass quantities of scripture included or God focus. For someone like me who just grabbed it from a new release table at BN, and who isn’t a practicing Christian, that’s annoying and I feel like I was tricked into consuming religion. Like they purposely didn’t include it so they could sell more copies.

I may be an introverted mom, but my strategies for figuring out how to deal with needing time to myself do not, and never will, include throwing my hands up in the air and trusting that God will provide. Especially when it comes to finding childcare, FYI - that’s boots-on-the-ground work for me and my husband 🤷🏼‍♀️ And this may be nitpicking, but I quit after the part about 8 hours of childcare a week for 100% me-time (not errands or appointments) = MASSIVE PRIVILEGE showing, my dear.

We all have different belief systems, and if I had any idea that this book was THAT book, I wouldn’t have bought it. And no, I don’t check the Goodreads description for every book I randomly buy, but yes I did read the entire back cover.

Now that I know this author is an Evangelist homeschooler, I realize that she’s just not the writer for me, an agnostic public school teacher. Yet again, if THAT HAD BEEN INCLUDED IN THE DESCRIPTION OR ABOUT THE AUTHOR, I wouldn’t have bought it and wouldn’t have had to feel or write this rant 🤷🏼‍♀️

That’s all. If you love Jesus and are an introverted mom with money, you’ll probably love this.

ETA: many people have told me that if I would have checked the publisher I would have seen that it’s a Christian publishing house. Nope. I mean, I do now recognize these names after years of reviewing and being on NetGalley and Edelweiss. But I still maintain that the reader shouldn’t have to do the work to know it’s a faith-based text.

[Michelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

Overall, this book was life-giving to me. I know how to manage my life well and create boundaries as an introvert, but as a mom with a young child and another on the way, it’s a struggle. There is no quiet, especially with an extroverted child. I love the way she tied in classic literature and introverted female authors.

Since this is a Christian book, I’m going to judge it through that lens, and I did have a few theological issues. She goes a little too self-care/Rachel Hollis at times. She says it’s perfectly natural to be angry when we don’t have enough quiet. Sure, that’s our human response, but it doesn’t make it right. And yes, boundaries are important to maintain some sanity, but as Christians we’re also called to die to ourselves and lay ourselves down for others. I didn’t see any of that in this book. We can’t always hide behind our introvert nature (and I’m an extreme one, so I get it) to get out of things. Sometimes we are called out of our comfort zones which means doing something contrary to our personality. Spending time with God will fill us up much more than sniffing essential oils (🙄) and laying in bed will. We needed some more gospel in this book and less “do what makes you happy” crap.

With that said, I really did love this book. It was a great reminder that God hardwired us this way for a reason, even if it goes contrary to culture. I wouldn’t go to it for correct theological advice, but more for solidarity that we aren’t the only ones at home with buzzing heads from the constant noise.

[Jamie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received an advanced e-copy for being part of the book launch team and an honest review.

I am still processing and may come back to edit my review, but upon closing the book.... I feel understood. I can’t tell you how often I was nodding my head in agreement.
Introverted Mom is gentle, comforting, authentic, encouraging, and leaves you feeling understood.
I really appreciated the Reflections from Introverted Moms at the end of each chapter. I absolutely loved the way Jamie tied in quotes and stories from 4 Amazing introverted authors:
Jane Austen, Lucy Maud Montgomery, Laura Ingalls Wilder, and Louisa May Alcott. No surprise...4 of my favorites.

I recommend this book to any introverted mama who needs a little comfort and understanding.

[Paige Cuthbertson| Turning_Every_Paige · Rating 5 out of 5]

Every once in a while you read a book that changes the entire way you think. For me, Introverted Mom was one of those books. As an introvert I always thought of myself as a little broken, or less than the ideal. Even in the church, extroverts are often touted as the “true Christian.” You have to be a bold, outspoken witness, ready to minister to one and all at the drop of the hat— and if you aren’t, then you aren’t a very good Christian. I’ve lived with that shame for a long time. But this book really opened my eyes. I learned why I am the way I am, and that it isn’t a bad thing at all— just different. I’m not a poor Christian because I’m more reserved— I’m an asset to the church because I’m relational. I am not less than— because Christ makes me enough. What a relief!
On top of that, I loved getting to explore the introverted lives of four authors that are dear to me: Laura Ingalls Wilder, Jane Austen, L. M. Montgomery, and Louisa May Alcott. I loved looking at their beautiful words, and gleaning from their writings through a Biblical lens.
So, if you are an introvert, and if you’re a mom, read this book! It might just change your life!
5 ⭐️

[Veronica H · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book gets me. I truly wish I had read this when I was a new mom. However, most of the wisdom, tips, and validation the author provides I have learned during these 23 years as a mom. I would love to pass this book along to any of my introvert mom friends who feel they would benefit from it!
I adore how the author uses books and other classic authors to demonstrate her ideas. This is a book for anyone who longs to be understood and to understand herself a little better, for anyone who feels overwhelmed by her thoughts, for anyone trying to “extrovert” because that’s what good moms do. God made you the way you were meant to be made. You need to read this!

[Christina · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was so thrilled when I found out about this book. I wanted to love this book, but my final review and rating is that I “liked” it, but it didn’t make me fall in love with it. I laughed at parts that made me say “me too!” I was hoping for more. Maybe more encouragement? It felt more like memoir or a how-to parent. I was hoping for more specific pointers for introverted moms. I’m a personality geek—I love learning about personalities—this just didn’t fit the bill for me.

[Jennifer McMaster · Rating 1 out of 5]

I found myself cringing as I listened to this audio book. Martin describes being an introvert as if it were a handicap, or a condition that needs a ton of special care. She even goes so far as to say that she found her personality test results to be an embarrassment to her as a child. As a mom of 10, her description of being completely overwhelmed by her in house "preschool" of 3 children was laughable. Mothering littles is hard, and I don't have the additional challenge of adding adopted children to my plate, but it's a season that many moms find difficult, introverted or extroverted. I don't think Martin realizes that more than half the population is considered introverted and that yes, they have challenges that extroverts do not have (they have their own challenges), but this is life in general. Overall I found the author's tone to be whiny and self-absorbed.

[Katie Fitzgerald · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was an interesting look at introversion from a mom's point of view. My favorite sections of the book were those showing the introverted tendencies of beloved authors such as Jane Austen and Louisa May Alcott, and the personal anecdotes about Martin's own experiences with her kids. What didn't work for me as well were the sections on religion, as they came from an evangelical point of view that didn't mesh with my Catholic faith. (The reflections felt especially uncomfortable to me, but I can't comment on them objectively because I don't know much about that sort of writing.) I also found myself bristling at the use of trendy self-help phrases like "do the next right thing" and "self care," which I don't find particularly inspiring. The other disappointment was that there wasn't really any concrete advice on making friends as an introverted mom. Like many self-help books, it advises leaning on friends in times of trouble, assuming that every introvert has lots of those hanging around. If you are an introvert who has already read up on her personality type, there might not be much of anything new this book can teach you. But if you're struggling to understand introversion, either as an introvert or the spouse or friend of an introvert, then this is a good starting point. It was an enjoyable read, but I can't say it made me understand anymore about my personality than I already knew before I started the book.

[Rachael Stoldt · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was okay. I didn’t meet my expectations and I think that is my main disappointment in it. It had threads of really good stuff, but it was bogged down with fluff that wasn’t what I was looking for. Frankly, it needed more Jesus. I see a growing problem in Christian publishing for a genre of “Christian self-help” and I feel like it is getting away from scripture. I am growing increasingly uncomfortable with “self-care” as a Christian mother’s tool for successful mothering. I don’t disagree with all that self-care includes ie time in scripture, prayer, and personal worship, but calling it self-care is not what scripture says. Jesus is the point. The Spirit is the where we draw our strength. I wanted a book that shows us how to do that given our unique personalities. After all God created our personalities, but it shouldn’t be an excuse to not do what God has called us to. Because of sin, our strengths can become weaknesses, but Jesus redeemed that. I liked the practical aspects of this book, but I felt like it lacked the foundations of Christ and scripture. I think there was 1 chapter that focused on Christ and scripture, the rest had it sprinkled, but not important. I am an introvert, but I’m also called by God to do His work through the power of His Spirit to glorify Him. Being an introvert has some wonderful strengths that I can use to glorify God, but it also has areas that remind me I’m a sinful human. I pray that I can focus on Christ in my mothering and use the gift of how God made me to always glorify Him and not my self. Okay, off my soapbox.

[Jami Balmet · Rating 4 out of 5]

The first half of this book spoke directly to my introverted mama heart! I liked the second half but the first part especially was very encouraging to me! I think this was a fun and insightful read. The author and myself have a few theological differences but overall I appreciate the discussion around this important topic for my kids. It has helped me to look at each of my children in a different light as I try and figure out if they are an introvert or extrovert and how I can best support them in that!

[Faith Elizabeth Hough · Rating 5 out of 5]

(Long, personal review-with the date of the feast day off--because I posted it on my blog first. ;)

"Be who you were created to be and you will set the world on fire!"

Happy feast of St. Catherine of Siena! According to several online forums (obviously a definitive source), Catherine and I share not only our faith and our love for the Dominican order, but our very personality type. According to the forums and Pinterest graphics, Catherine's Myers-Briggs' personality would have been INFJ: Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Judging.

Perhaps this is why everything I've ever read by St. Catherine has spoken to me so strongly. In particular, the quote above has--on more than one occasion--helped me make decisions that have changed my life for the better. If I'm faced with a hundred ways I could spend the day, I ask myself, "Which of these was I created for? Will it allow me to be who I was created to be?"

As an introvert, answering that question honestly means I often have to say "no" to some very good things. But I wasn't always so honest with myself. Even though I've studied personality since I was a teenager, I often saw introversion as a flaw to be overcome rather than a strength to be nurtured.

One of the worst days of my life (don't laugh) was about nine years ago, when my oldest was three and my second was one. My husband worked next door, but I still spent most of the day alone with the girls. Lucy was born an extrovert, and spent every minute of her waking day cheerily sharing every thought that came into her head. Zoe was one, quiet and sensitive--but one. I read dozens of picture books aloud, because that was easier than trying to constantly process toddler conversation. We did science projects and art projects and I cooked food and failed to keep the house clean, which drove me crazy because there was dress-up and building blocks and library books and crayons everywhere I looked. If you're a young mom...this probably looks a whole lot like your life. Nothing was wrong. My children were healthy and sweet, we were making enough money to meet our needs, we had a good home. But most days, by the time Mark came home, I was at the point of tears. I'd always wanted a big family--and here I was losing it because I felt ambushed by the needs (and voices, and messes) of only two. On the particular very-bad-day in question, I didn't just cry when Mark got home. I sobbed. I slammed my bedroom door behind me and wept and instantly felt like a total jerk and major loser.

Through the door, I heard Lucy's wails and Mark's quiet voice: "Faith, I'm taking the girls for a walk. I decided I'm taking them for a walk every day when I get home so you can have some time to yourself."

I swung the door open. "No!" I yelled. "Don't try to make me feel like I'm not handling them properly! You don't need to take them away from me like I'm a bad mother!"

I don't need to record the rest of the conversation, do I? I was illogical, angry and ridiculous. Mark stayed admirably calm, but I know I must have been getting on his nerves. He eventually told me we could finish talking about it later, but that he was taking the girls out and giving me time alone. Whether I liked it or not.

It took about a week of him taking the girls out--and me not liking it--before I realized how my pride had almost ruined my ability to be a good wife and mother. I was not being who I was created to be. I was trying to be the peppy pre-school teacher of a mom that parenting magazines painted as the ideal (Pinterest wasn't really a thing yet, thank goodness). That wasn't me. That wasn't who God had made me to be. God had given me all the help I needed to be truly myself, but I'd turned my back on the help (and yelled, and slammed the door in his face).

From then on, to varying degrees of faithfulness, I learned to accept the help. Eventually I learned how much my introversion was a gift to my children, when properly nourished. But it wasn't an easy learning process. There were more doors slammed, more tears shed, and a lot of guilt. Sometimes I still fail...but I'm progressing. Most importantly, I'm learning to be okay with the failure.

If you now look anything like me then, step closer. I'm going to give you a gift I wish someone could have given me then.

First of all, this knowledge: it's not just you. Mothering littles ones is hard work. It's the best work ever...but it is so hard. Mothering as an introvert is draining and exhausting. You're not the only one who has slammed a door or cried in the bathroom or walked out the door as soon as your husband walked in, just for a moment of quiet. I'd venture to guess that most of you extrovert mamas know exactly what I'm talking about, too. We all need time to recharge and to remember what quiet sounds like.

Second, allow me to virtually hand you the book you need to read. (I know, I know, I'm always recommending books--but if you're an introvert, you're probably doing grabby hands already because, well, books.) Jamie C. Martin, of the spectacular blog Simple Homeschool, wrote the book my 24-year-old self desperately needed. Introverted Mom; Your Guide to More Calm, Less Guilt, and Quiet Joy feels like having a [calm, quiet, non-pushy] friend at your elbow, cheering you [gently and peacefully] on and reminding you that the way God made you is better than any imaginary Insta-mom you could dream up.

Besides a much-needed dose of encouragement, Introverted Mom offers you practical advice, along with real-life strategies to make it work. Arrange your days to allow for quiet moments. Don't always answer the phone. Learn when to say 'no,' and when to stretch yourself toward a 'yes' for the important things. And, much like St. Catherine, be who you were made to be. Jamie reminds you that your personality was given to you for a reason, to bless your children and the world; it's your job to learn to work with it, not to ignore it.

The finishing touch on an already excellent book is the sections Jamie includes on her favorite literary introvert mentors: Jane Austen, L. M. Montgomery, Louisa May Alcott, and Laura Ingalls Wilder. Which just proves that she knows how to speak to an introvert's heart. Because during those weeks of grumpily allowing Mark to take the girls for a walk, I found solace in Anne of Green Gables and The Blue Castle. When the two girls were joined by two more, I created a quiet pocket in the day by reading The Long Winter at lunch time. By the time I had six children, Eight Cousins and Emma were savored, page by page, behind a locked bathroom door. It certainly is a wonderful thing to be told that, even in that strange, random quirk, I'm not alone.

Best of all, I have a new literary mentor to turn to. Maybe we're both too introverted to ever meet up outside of the internet and the pages of a book (even though we both live in the same state ;), but Jamie C. Martin will be joining Jane Austen and L. M. Montgomery as my go-to friends when I need an introverted pep talk. (She and Catherine of Siena, naturally.) I hope you'll find her book as much of a treasure as I did!

[Nancy · Rating 4 out of 5]

I struggled with how to rate this book - personally I got a tremendous amount of comfort and useful ideas out of it but I also struggled with some aspects. The positives; conversational, encouraging, emphasis on self-care vs self-improvement, sections on beloved authors who were also introverts (Austen, Alcott, Montgomery, Wilder). The negatives; while I appreciated a spiritual dimension, the very strong evangelical Christian stance was not disclosed anywhere on the front or back cover. It felt like a bit of a surprise attack and it led the spiritual pieces to be limited in their language & focus. It will depend upon the individual reader's preferences as to how this plays out for them. Still, I found much I can use out of this little book and I am quite grateful to have come across it when I did which is why I rated it as highly as I did.

[Kathryn · Rating 4 out of 5]

I shy away from personality books because I think that too often Myers-Briggs and the enneagram are used as excuses take no accountability for one’s actions. This book felt like permission to be one’s best self. It focused on finding the strengths in an introverted personality and using them to one’s advantage to live an authentic life. I really enjoyed the gleanings from some of my favorite writers– Laura Ingalls Wilder, Louisa May Alcott, LM Montgomery, Jane Austen.

Did I agree with everything the author had to say, of course not. Would I quibble over some of her theology and views on witnessing, sure. I also skipped most of the author’s poetry and “from fellow moms” comments that closed each chapter. Would I recommend this for fellow introverted mothers? Yes! Even if some of the practical tips skewered more toward older children, the theory behind what she says is very helpful and applicable to the introverted moms of any aged children.

[Michelle Haggard · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book and this author! I learned so much about myself by reading this. I didn’t even realize how much of an introvert I am, as it’s so nuanced and I love people. I love how she encouraged and taught introverts to create space for themselves and have a few suggestions which got me thinking of even more things that would be best for me. I loved how she pulled quotes of introverted authors like Jane Austen and even pointed out how the very fact that some characters are introverted is what makes them so absolutely lovable by all. 💝

I also enjoyed the new thoughts I now have for the future personalities of my babies. I am pretty sure I have an introverted toddler and an extroverted infant. Time will tell. ♥️♥️

The way this author writes is so personal and Transparent, I feel like she is a dear friend. And I want to thank you for that, Jamie Martin. 💓 Your words have revealed to me things I needed to know about myself so I can do them for myself, and thus help my family grow and flourish. 🌸 Thank you for that as well! Much love to you, Jamie! 💝💝💝

With love from an introverted momma & a cup of peppermint tea. ☕️

[Sara Brown · Rating 3 out of 5]

I wanted to like this book a lot more than I did. I was hooked in the beginning and did glean some practical tips and tricks throughout. But overall, the message seemed to say that introversion is a personality type that looks the same for everyone. Just because I’m introverted doesn’t mean I’m extremely shy and avoid play groups and love to read. In fact, I’m an outgoing introvert who initiates play dates because even my introverted kids love them. It does mean, however, that I need to recharge by myself. I think our society is misguided to think that introversion = someone who is shy and doesn’t like people. Sadly, I’m not sure this book will help correct this misnomer.

[Sabrina · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was caught a little off guard by the religious nature of the book since Christianity was not mentioned in the book description. However, I found the tie-ins to literature and female authors lovely, and there were brief descriptions with practical advice as well. I think the publisher marketed the book incorrectly as a guide when it is more accurately a writer's description of her own personal struggles as an introverted parent.

[Tiffany · Rating 3 out of 5]

I appreciated this book. I related to what she said and enjoyed her humor. One of her purposes in writing the book was to help introverted moms feel understood and not alone- I feel like she accomplished this. However, that being said, it wasn't as gospel focused as I had hoped.

[Crystal · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is very, very good. I wish I'd had this book years ago when I was a young mom of young kids, trying to figure things out and navigate motherhood. There were so many times I was listening to this audiobook and started talking back to the author saying, "Yes! Me too! That happened to me also!". Or, "That's me! I'm like that too, yes!". Literally, the whole book felt like I was connecting to someone who understood me. And I must say, it was so encouraging and supportive to hear that there are other introverted moms, who struggle with the same things I do in motherhood. The part about the highly sensitive parent was also right on target. And I definitely had an aha moment when she explained why introverts don't like the phone!

I really loved how this book didn't focus on introversion as a negative thing at all, but highlighted some of the strengths. It was also extremely insightful as to why we have some of the needs we have, and broke down why those things are actually important for our mental health. As an older mother of now growing kids, I've always had an understanding of what I needed, but didn't have a clear understanding of why I actually needed it. Hearing the author be so clear in communicating this took the condemnation off of me that made me feel like because my needs are different, they're wrong or make me weak.

I highly recommend this book for introverted moms, husbands of introverted moms, or moms who have introverted kids and want to understand their needs. The author is so clear and efficient in communicating how introverts think and what we need, it will help you understand yourself, your wife, or the introvert child you're raising.

Last note-I listened to this on audiobook and enjoyed the authors narration.

[Christina · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book absolutely spoke to my soul from beginning to end! If you are an introverted mom like myself, then this book is 100% for you!

[Claudia Turner · Rating 3 out of 5]

I’m an introvert and a mom so I thought I’d pick something up from this but it’s like “girl wash your face” regurgitated as an introverted mom and both are a little too Christian-based, feel good “mama” cliche for me. And if I could afford a nanny or my husband made enough or was even around enough to allow me to homeschool or just hardly work ever that would be one thing but this is about a very specific small percentage of privileged introverts. The best original parts are the quotes by famous introverted authors through they’re hardly expounded upon with substance. Anyway it’s a simple feel good read for introverted moms so if you have the time why not.

[Kate Singh · Rating 3 out of 5]

I felt for this woman. I wonder how many people out there are introverts and are forced to be amongst crowds or work with many people and are misunderstood. I could relate to a few things here, especially the hidden chocolate stash. I skimmed this book, it didn't call me, but I did find some comfort in knowing that motherhood can grind anyone down due to it being relentless (in both delightful ways and exhausting ways) and we all need to make it fit and work for us or we won't do well in the long run.

[Bonnie Garrett · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've read a few books on introversion where I recognize myself in them. But this book made me say, "This is written about me." It is life-giving to understand that the very thing that makes you feel the most alone is actually not uncommon or even a character flaw at all. I'll be revisiting this book when I'm tempted to think that I should be more like the other (louder) moms.

[Terra · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book will probably be amazing if,
1) You are a very Christian woman. (Basic acceptance and dabbling won’t suffice.)
2) You enjoy being called “Mama” by other adults. (Spoiler alert: “Fellow introverted mamas . . .” “Oh, sweet, delusional mama . . .” “Introverted mama, I see you there . . .” “exactly what is a highly sensitive mama to do?” and on and on and on.)
3) You love the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (those four letters that identify your psychological preferences i.e. ISFJ, ETNP, etc.) and view it as verifiable science supported by the academic and research community. And, it’s not an issue to MBTI people posthumously, even though the test is meant as an introspective self-report, because it helps you feel connected to people you admire.

If the above applies to you, go read the book and draw your own conclusions. I don’t know you and I can’t tell you what you’ll like.

If the above excludes you and you want to skip my opinion and jump to a list of what to read instead (classic literature and the works of the experts Jamie Martin uses to support her experience. I have read all of them.) **Skip to the double stars below.

My Experience with this book:
Although the author has adopted a child from Africa and another from India, gone on international mission trips to save people for Jesus, and then traveled the world through books and written about it (Give Your Child the World: Raising Globally Minded Kids One Book at a Time), this book is not inclusive.

It is the book equivalent of a white privileged international adopting homeschooling stay-at-home Mom’s love-of-Jesus-is-the-only-correct-world-view mixtape.

A collection of other white women’s literary works or research interspersed with the blogger turned goose-that-lays-the-golden-publishing-egg’s personal experiences.

It’s all very sweet in the empty calories kind of way.

Based on the title, this book is a bait and switch. I thought it was about the differences and needs of the introverted (scientifically verified biological difference not Myers-Briggs) mother. This book seems to be more about Jesus. No scale is included on the cover to indicate that you must be this Christian to be validated. In the Epilogue Jamie Martin says, "[Her] hope and prayer, though, is that one small thing is different: Now you know you’re not the only one.” However, if you or your children are from any of the other many legitimate faith traditions of the world, agnostic, atheist, Neurodiverse or LGBTQ+ you may end up feeling more lonely, invalidated, and alienated after reading it.

As a white woman, I can’t speak to the experience of people with more melanin in their skin but this book screams “white savior” to me, so racism that is invisible to melanin-challenged people (including the author who clearly loves her melanin-rich kids) could be there too.

If 1) 2) and 3) don’t apply to you but you need information about, or validation for, introversion, seek counseling and support from a trained and licensed mental health professional. If that’s beyond your financial or geographical means (it is for way too many people), go straight to the books of the experts that Jamie Martin repeatedly cites. (I’m not going to list all of her sources because I don’t believe bloggers, Huffington post writers, or podcasters are necessarily experts. Or the productivity book she mentioned that is innately sexist.)

**Susan Cain
Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking

Elaine N. Aron, Ph.D
The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You
The Highly Sensitive Parent: Be Brilliant in Your Role, Even When the World Overwhelms You
(I don’t love Dr. Aron’s writing and organization style, but her decades-long science-based research is legitimate. I found her book for parents to be depressing because my take-away was, It’s going to be harder for you. It just is.)

Grace Lin’s experience with racism in children’s literature as an Asian-American child (specifically Little House on the Prairie - written by one of Jamie Martin’s posthumously identified introvert role models. Grace Lin advocates for treating classic racist books as out-of-touch relatives, so I'm not sure why Ms. Martin would suggest going to them for advice.)

Literary Posthumously identified (white) Introverts that Jamie Martin identifies with and quotes. You could just read their work yourself.
L.M. Montgomery
Jane Austen
Louisa May Alcott
Laura Ingalls Wilder

All of my criticisms aside, Jamie Martin is earnest and she means well. She has used her biased experience to try and put good in the world, and make some money. Like any book, it will be medicine for some and poison to others.

For me, the experience was cringe-worthy and painful.

*** Potential Bias Disclaimer: I am a North American heterosexual cisgender neurodiverse melanin challenged (i.e. white) homeschooling (not for religious reasons) mother raised in a Jesus Christ centered religious tradition but I don't believe there is one true religion or one right way to be. I have a degree in Geography with an emphasis on world culture. I soon hope to begin my Master’s degree to become a clinical counselor. I love science and legitimate double-blind studies with reproducible results and research. Additionally, I finished this book because I don’t believe someone can fairly judge something without reading it.

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read an advance readers copy I received at my job as a bookseller. The title drew me in right away because I identify as an introverted mom and I’m struggling right now to find some kind of balance. I noticed it is recommended to shelve it under Religion/Christian Living, but I’m also aware that sometimes that recommendation has more to do with the publisher and not necessarily the content. I consider myself agnostic and was willing to see what the author had to say about being an introvert outside of any faith-based advice.

I very much enjoyed the idea of exploring the favorite introvert authors and what could be gleaned from their life and works and I feel that idea could have been expanded upon and would make for a great book itself. Some of my favorite classic authors are covered. (I'm a huge fan of Anne of Green Gables!) There is also an element of auto-biographical writing which is not surprising since the author is a blogger, and in my reading experience most blogs are heavily auto-biographical. While it does make sense to include this element in order to identify with and establish trust with the author, I still couldn’t fully invest. Some, but certainly not all, the advice hinges on a certain type of faith in god and uses the language associated with that faith. (For example, "grace", a word that I realized I didn't fully understand in this context until this reading. However, it has caused me to want to investigate further.) These were the parts that I had a really hard time grasping. (First major hurdle: dealing with our perceived “weakness” as an introvert. Solution: “Better to be ‘not enough,' because then he can work without me getting in the way.”[pg. 34] Practical me just can’t wrap my head around this. I mean, I get accepting what we perceive as our weaknesses, but not the part that I understand to mean giving up or stepping aside. What does one do in between?)

Still, this book offered me a lot in the end, I just felt as an “outside” observer that I had to tune in and out. I feel this book has a definite audience and is one that will be properly shelved and will reach that audience in Christian Living. I will also happily recommend and handsell it to my customers.

[Jenni Moeller · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved this book from page one! I really enjoyed the authors writing style! She is funny, lighthearted, encouraging, and real. She shares her own struggles with motherhood, being an introvert, and how she’s learned to care for herself and her children. She is a book lover and takes a look at 4 of her favorite authors who are introverts (Jane Austen, L.M. Montgomery, Louisa May Alcott, and Laura ingalls Wilder) and what we can learn from them. It’s also filled with practical tips from the author and each chapter ends with tips from other introverts that gave responses through her blog.

This book helped me recognize things in my own life that I couldn’t put a finger on before and also made me feel validated in my efforts to care for myself and to see that being introverted is a gift and God made me this way for a reason. I think a lot of moms could relate to the things in this book whether introvert or extrovert bc we all need a break from our kiddos at times and probably have a stash of something sweet hidden in our house for moments of desperation! Haha! If you’re looking for fellow introverts, ideas on how to care for yourself, encouragement as a mother, or a lighthearted funny book about motherhood you should give this one a try!

[Emma Ferguson · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a refreshing and sweet read! Sometimes it’s needed to be reminded of our own unique strengths (and weaknesses) especially in this fast-paced and self focused world. This book made me even more thankful for my own introverted mama! And it gave me lots of encouragement for when I become one. I especially loved the authors’ nod to many of my favorite authors like Jane Austen, Laura Ingalls, and LM Montgomery!

There were some times I felt her opinion of self-care was a bit much, but I’ve always had trouble finding that line for myself. I believe it’s important we acknowledge our own limitations, as long as we don’t make an idol out of our own comfort. Still, I felt this book handled the subject much better and with a more biblical perspective than other books I’ve read geared towards introverts/HSPs.

[Joy Musselman · Rating 4 out of 5]

Definitely read about myself in this book... I am left wondering how reading this 5 or 10 years ago in the earlier years of my mothering would've affected my motherhood?? Would I have embraced my personality more and carried less guilt and lessened the dark years?? Would it have helped me create boundaries that would've eased my stress? or would it have kept me from growing out of my natural comfort zone? Would I have missed the depths of God that I've experienced if I had had the 'license' to create boundaries?? I don't know. I can't say. I did thoroughly enjoy this read. And will probably return to it again. It is nice to know that I am not alone and these responses are not weird. In the same breath I am grateful I experienced the desperation of introverted mom life which pushed me deeper into My Source of Strength and out of my selfish comfort zone into a richer fuller people world. And yet, I am grateful for the reminder to accept my personality and limitations as created by God. Encouragement to be brave and bad. I will never be as vivacious or fun as my extroverted sister but that's ok. My success as a Christian mother is in being faithful... Not 'succeeding' in the social world.

All in all, I do think Jamie does an excellent job at being very balanced in her approach. With a over all theme of accepting your limitations and working with your personality tendencies without compromising the core Christian call to serve with selfless abandon.

[Heidi Edmonds · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was just wonderful. I jumped into it with incredibly high expectations, and it did not disappoint! Books, encouragement, tea - I’m convinced the author and I would be kindred spirits if we ever met ❤️ I highly recommend this book to any introverted mom in the thick of it all.

[Amanda (The Little Book Spot) · Rating 4 out of 5]

I can’t decide between 4.5-5 stars. Review soon, loved it!

[Jamie · Rating 4 out of 5]

A pleasure to read, with good insights and reminders. I enjoyed reading the sections about the introverted authors (Austen, Montgomery, Wilder, Alcott.) It is written from a Christian homeschooling perspective (she does write a blog on homeschool) but in a way to simply share her story.