Enslaved by Ducks

by Bob Tarte

When Bob Tarte bought a house in rural Michigan, he was counting on a tranquil haven. Then Bob married Linda. She wanted a rabbit, which seemed innocuous enough until the bunny chewed through their electrical wiring. And that was just the beginning. Before long, Bob found himself constructing cages, buying feed, clearing duck waste, and spoon-feeding a menagerie of furry and feathery residents. His life of quiet serenity vanished, and he unwittingly became a servant to a relentlessly demanding family.

Whether commiserating with Bob over the fate of those who are slaves to their animals or regarding his story as a cautionary tale about the rigors of animal ownership, readers on both sides of the fence have found Tarte's story of his chaotic squawking household irresistible—and irresistibly funny.

Genres: Nonfiction, Animals, Memoir, Humor, Birds, Biography, Nature

308 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2003

About the author

Bob Tarte lives on the edge of a mink-infested, shoe-sucking swamp in West Michigan with his long suffering wife, Linda. Bob is the author of the books "Kitty Cornered," "Enslaved by Ducks," and "Fowl Weather."

Every Friday from 12:30-1:00 pm ET, one of the cats from "Kitty Cornered" answers lifestyle questions from other cats. Catch the LIVE cat comedy @BobTarte #Ask6Cats.

Reviews

[kelly · Rating 1 out of 5]

0 stars - OH I HATED THIS BOOK!!!! This is the first book that I ever threw away from me in disgust. CHinaberry said this was a humourous memoir but I found nothing funny about an idiot that gets animals as pets and doesn't educate himself on how to care for them. Not to mention the whole depression/mental health angle. I have several animals (with a bunny named pepsi who was the love of my life RIP from cancer...) and when I read about their beautiful white duck being eaten even THOUGH THEY KNEW THERE WERE PREDATORSIN THE AREA AND THEY DID NOTHING TO PROTECT THEIR PETS???? Sorry to yell - but at that point i yelled in disgust and threw the book away from me. Call me some psycho animal lover but I believe deep down that if you chose to have animals as pets, you have a sacred bond to take care of these animals. No, they are not humans, but, domesticated as they are, we have a responsibility to care for them. I found NOTHING funny about this book.

[Giddy Girlie · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was recommended by Amazon as a book about 'the pet you didn't necessarily want turns out to be exactly what your heart needs'... and I needed a lighthearted read after slogging through some dense books, so I downloaded it. It starts off pretty much as expected - a couple buys a couple of pets that they don't really know much about and the trials and tribulations make them crazy but in the end, they love the little buggers. Okay, fine.

But then it just goes on... more pets turn into more pets turns into even more pets. These people don't know much about these animals and choose most of them based on aesthetics. So, I cut some slack because I remember what the late 80's/early 90's were like. There was no internet and if you wanted to know something about animals, you had to go to the library or buy books (Barnes & Noble didn't used to let you hang out for hours, using their store as a research library) or ask someone at a pet store or a breeder. So, okay, maybe they weren't super informed at first. But after the - what? - 12th duck? The third time they returned a parrot they couldn't handle? The fact that they had to start visiting different breeders because they didn't want to admit that they were negligent in caring for the ones they had? (who died as a result) When they had to start going to a breeder that was a self-proclaimed petting zoo-slash-butcher (YES YOU READ THAT RIGHT)? They should have known better.

Some of the individual anecdotes were funny, which is why I'm giving this 2 stars. But like other reviewers, I found it EXTREMELY hard to be sympathetic and understanding when the same mistakes (namely impulse-buying pets) are repeated over and over and that they refuse to follow common sense protocol for handling their animals (everything from not disciplining them to feeding them people food to allowing them to run around the house).

I actually had to stop reading after their ducks were attacked and killed by raccoons and yet they KEPT FEEDING THE RACCOONS and encouraging them to stay in the area. And then they called over an owl, just to see what would happen! Ugh.

Sorry to sound so judgmental, but this was a hard book to read -- it wasn't a mea culpa or even an apology, just a "hey look at our crazy farm of animals! We don't know what we're doing!"

[Ann · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book! It made me laugh many times over and made me cry, too. I even learned some things about animals!
The book spans 10 years of the author’s (Bob’s) life-events related to animals. Each chapter is devoted to a certain animal, or an animal event. It’s fun to see Bob’s changing attitude towards animals. He starts out as a begrudging pet owner (though it’s quite obvious that deep down he adores his rabbit!), and ends up gloating about his numerous pets to innocent bystanders at pet marts. While there is always a tad of the begrudging-act in Bob, it’s so transparent that it’s quite easy to tell how enamored he is by his pets. He gives a very honest telling of this, too, poking fun of himself quite often (almost always) throughout the book, and repeats numerous times how much his wife, Linda, handled most of the really hard stuff when it came to caretaking.
It took me a few chapters to really get into the book, but once you learn who Bob is, and understand his writing wit and humor, the book is excellent! Even the acknowledgements are hilarious! I felt that I really knew Bob and Linda, and frankly their pets, too! There are great descriptions of the animals, their characters, and expressions! I can actually vouch for his description of rehabbing baby birds – and if the rest of his stories are as accurate as that, then it must be a very honest book! And I could completely sympathize with many of his emotions.
So long as you don’t mind a few (very few) cuss words, or a few insights in the animal “facts of life,” or the fact that (at least, as I surmise) the Tartes’ are vegetarians and make a couple of references to the carnivorous folk of the world, then I highly recommend this book!
We also get a glimpse into Bob’s visits to his psychologist and his dealings with Zoloft – but somehow he manages to always tie it back in with his animals.
I’d be the last person to say that a cat doesn’t have a soul, or that a dog can’t love you, but I’d probably be lying if I didn’t say that I was hesitant to believe such things about birds. Bob’s totally changed my mind. I love the ending of the title chapter and the book itself – I think those are the two places where we really see what animals mean to Bob, and how much they can impact our lives.
I highly recommend reading this book – and I highly suggest you read it with your pet nearby!:D

****
Glowing review to follow!:D
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My Christmas book from Katie. Sounds quite amusing and fun!:)

[Didi Delighted · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book is supposed to be funny and cute, but it's a downer. Animal hoarding isn't adorable no matter how much sarcasm one sad and passive man pours all over it. About a third of the way in the author casually mentions his struggle with life long panic attacks and bouts of depression. Ah yes, how whimsical and fun. When his regular doctor recommends an active hobby instead of anti depressants, said writer eventually finds somebody to write him a prescription for Zoloft with few questions asked. A pill will not stand up to a wife who wishes to fill the house and yard with surrogate furred and feathered "babies." The saddest part is when the author mentions that his mood is great at work, but when at home he falls into a depressed stupor and can hardly function. Let's replace human relationships with the care of of dozens of animals. How can the man not realize the cause of his depression? How can people think this book is cute? Sadder still are the animals that are injured/ killed because of the unfortunate lack of knowledge these people have before purchasing pets. This is the kind of couple that buys a friggin sugar glider on impulse cause they see some in a mall around Christmas. Buy first, learn something later- or maybe after the animal dies. Anybody dumb enough to permit a ring neck dove (which I personally have) around a parrot doesn't need a house full of birds. And the fact that the clown was angry at the parrot for hurting the dove (if even only for a short time) shows just how vey little these people ever bother to learn about the nature of the animals they are collecting. Ever notice how happy, balanced people tend to have happy balanced pets? And wacky folks gravitate towards crazy pets because it gives them something to be crazy and weird about? This couple falls into the latter category. Think of the first little parrot "Ollie" that they purchase, and then return to the pet shop because it is horribly noisy and bites. Shortly afterwards they decide to get him back because they miss his awesome personality. This is not laugh out loud stories about beloved family pets. This book is a window into psychosis.

[Wendy Welch · Rating 5 out of 5]

Okay, so I WROTE a book that's coming out Oct. 2 with St. Martin's Press, and that has REALLLLLLLY slowed down my reviewing of others. So it's very nice to get back in the saddle - or get down off the duck - with this book, because Bob Tarte and I connected in the social media author world and that's how I found out about his three books in the first place.

Which is basically the equivalent of: disclaimer - I know this guy and he's a nice bloke so of course I'm going to like his book just on the basis that he's a good, decent human being.

But it doesn't matter about the disclaimer because even if I didn't know him from an alley cat, Enslaved by Ducks is hysterical. Birds taking over their owners' lives; the disrupted dinners so familiar to pet parents everywhere; and the ludicrous moments when one asks, surveying the wreck that was the living room, "How did it come to this?"--what's not to like?

His writing style reminds me a little of Erma Bombeck on steroids. He uses adverbs so well that I think Stephen King would give him a pass (those of you who read ON WRITING know whereof I speak) and he's got a wicked sense of typed timing.

I liked Fowl Weather, his second book, but am really looking forward to reading Kitty Cornered (which is out, but also been borrowed at my library since its publication; I'm not the only one who thinks he's funny). Truth be told, although I like Bob Tarte's writing, birds give me the willies. I'm a cat-and-dog girl all the way. Can't even bond with bunnies.)

If you like animals, think sarcasm is funny, enjoy stories of misplaced suburbanites, or value common decency and humanity, you'll like this book. If you don't do any of those things..... well, God bless and be well, but I don't want to know you.

BTW Bob has this funny thing going on Twitter where on Fridays you can ask one of his six cats questions. The cats have a lot of personality. Hash tags still confuse me, but I think it's #ask6cats.

[Maria · Rating 1 out of 5]

I found at least one useful thing out of this book. I gave it to my African grey parrot to shred. At least he is enjoying it.

[Bethany · Rating 4 out of 5]

My husband and I had a lot of fun reading this; it was definitely our sense of humor. Having looked at other people's reviews, I've noticed one common criticism is of the author's seeming carelessness with animal ownership, but it looked to me like he was exaggerating for the sake of self-deprecating humor. (I mean, he talks like they bumbled along in total ignorance, while joking about the painstaking details of the daily clean up routines, the animals needing constant attention at meal times, the never ending consultations with various vets and pet owner groups- this is not the behavior of neglectful people.)

This guy saying his rabbit hated him, and was difficult to deal with and he cried his heart out when the bunny died... I get it, and I found it altogether a very funny tongue-in-cheek memoir of caring for a gaggle of personality-packing animals.

[Sandie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was the funniest book I have read in 2020.
It also made me think about how we care and protect domesticated animals- does domesticated mean unnatural environments as in cages and houses? Or does it mean freedom to explore the outdoors with all of its potential risks? As a long time cat lover and owner, is it best to keep them indoors or let them also explore the outdoors? What is the best and most humane way to protect?

[Rebecca · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this tender and hilarious book about going from “the head of the household to the bottom of the pecking order.” After they move to rural Michigan, Bob and Linda Tarte accumulate all kinds of friendly and not-so-friendly pets over a ten year time span. The author and his wife don’t really set out to end up with ducks, geese, rabbits, parrots, turkeys, cats, parakeets, doves, and canaries, and they make lots of mistakes (including neglecting to do the proper research on their animal kingdom acquisitions at first). I could see how this might distress some readers, but I agree with an earlier reviewer that we all make mistakes and learn from them, whether raising pets, children, or just generally interacting with each other.

I loved the author’s realization that his very routine chores for all the pets (such as trudging out in below freezing temperatures to break up the ice in the duck pond or shoveling loads of goose droppings) actually brought him joy, reminding me also not to discount the divine in the routine. I also appreciated the author’s insight about pet ownership at the end of the book. “The comings and goings of so many pets added richness and complexity to the years that followed. Our enslavement to [them:] helped teach me a smidgen of patience, tolerance, and respect that I even applied to people from time to time.” The antics of the Tarte’s pets—the two bunnies who cuddled through their cages but attacked each other if they were released at the same time, the parrot who cursed the pet sitter, the mixed breed duckling hatched by a goose—combined with their owner’s touching devotion through sickness and health makes this a fun and poignant read for those of us also owned by our pets.

[Tracy · Rating 2 out of 5]

I read this book because I had read several over-the-top, RAVE reviews. I was pretty bored through most of the book, although there were a few laugh out loud moments. There were also a few moments that should have been LOL, but were poorly delivered. What kept me from liking it was the visual imagery of 4-6 inside birds, 3 inside bunnies, and a few occasional inside ducks. That is more poop and animal mess than two people could ever hope to clean up. Additionally, they fed their birds food right off their plates at dinner, and seemed to come back for seconds with the same spoon the animal had already eaten off of. I kept picturing an old dilapidated farmhouse smeared with animal feces. The author's bio makes him seem like a man that would never live like that, and his wife cleans houses for a living, but the scant descriptions of the cleanliness of his home were not enough to settle my imagination.

This book does improve upon reflection. Mr. Tarte infuses each of his pets with a distinct personality that is very similar to human behavior. In talking to my friends recently about our kids, I find myself thinking about pets in this book and how they share common traits. With the pets, though, the exhibited behavior is simpler in nature and easier to identify and ameliorate. What surprised me was both behavior in the animal and in the child was so similar and both required similar steps to improve it.

I also think I was never fully on-board with this memoir because I currently do not have a pet. I would encourage anyone who has a cherished animal to give this book a read. It also serves as a semi-entertaining instruction manual for people raising less common animals like rabbits, parrots, pigeons, geese, ducks, and turkeys. I think the pet store should post this book as a "to read" before owning any type of bird or rabbit.

[Lynn]

I bought this book based on the blurb and descriptions. THEY WERE WRONG!
I thought it would be a light-hearted fun tale of people being taken over by their pets. I WAS WRONG.
I read had the book, hoping it would get better. I WAS WRONG.

The chapter on raccoons was the last straw. There people do not deserve to own animals of any kind, not even teddy bears! They are willfully ignorant and terminally stupid. I went into the book thinking, having owned a pet, I would have some sympathy for the owners and share amusing anecdotes about how the pets end up training their people as much as the people think they are training the pets. I WAS WRONG!

In the end, well, the middle if I'm honest as I didn't finish the book, I was siding with the pets and hoping and praying someone would call the SPCA or PETA on the stupid owners.

I have to say, I never abandon books lightly, but this one, this one deserves to not only be abandoned -- or preferably never picked up in the first place. I really have a mind to return the offending tome to the author and request a full and complete refund, of not only the purchase price, but also the time invested in reading this misrepresented crap. I honestly do not know what book the quoted reviewers read, but I am sure and certain it was NOT THIS ONE!

Take my advice and run far away from this book. I deliberately rated this book ZERO stars as to give it any would place too much importance in a part of my life I would prefer to forget.

[Dee · Rating 2 out of 5]

I read a good bit of this and just didn't find it as "hilarious" as advertised. Someone who loves animals would appreciate it more I'm sure, but all during the first chapter, I kept thinking "how dumb do you have to be to keep a pet rabbit in your house who chews electrical cords in half, tears up carpet, chews furniture and hides and gets into things non-stop as well as leaves bodily fluids all over--for two years!!!!!?" The next chapter was about an obnoxious bird. Life is too stressful to intentionally subject myself to a menagerie of high maintenance pets... especially ones that belong outside. I have higher sanitary expectations for my living conditions. I threw in the towel when about 2/3 of the way through, the author talks about the "obvious eccentricities of people who sell animals." Wow! That's the pot calling the kettle black! I'm not glutton for that kind of punishment.

[Genine Franklin-Clark · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm a sucker for animal stories, and this has a variety of them! A fun read.

[GoldGato · Rating 4 out of 5]

The title of this book definitely made me buy it and, thankfully, the story inside fit the expectations. The author recounts his life after he moves away from the bustling city to placid (so he thinks) rural living and the eventual burgeoning family of animal pets galore.

I'm sure some readers will get upset by the seemingly random way that pets are adopted or given back, but the story is well told and for me, anyway, rather humorous.

Certainly I felt some kinship with the author. Hummingbirds dictate my weekend wake-up times when their nectar needs replenishing. Blue jays will not hesitate to sound off when the peanuts are not up to their idea of valued weight, and the raccoons have a tendency to forget their job duties of eating snails and slugs when they fancy a taste of marshmallows.

How we interact with the wildlife we share the land with says much of who we are, I suppose. I refuse to believe I am "enslaved". More like, rented.

Book Season = Spring (before you think of adopting bunnies)

[Dvora Treisman · Rating 1 out of 5]

Reviews indicated that everyone like it -- everyone laughed. I enjoyed the introduction, but at page 80 of the book, I decided I had had enough. It wasn't interesting and it wasn't funny. In fact, it was annoying. How many mistakes must a vet make before you decide not to entrust the health of your pets to him? His writing is good, but, animal-lover that I am, I nevertheless found the story boring.

[Jenny · Rating 4 out of 5]

After a shaky start, I did enjoy this book. It made me laugh out loud and it made me cry a few times.
What did slightly sour my enjoyment was how Bob Tarte described himself and his supposed inability to take responsibilty for decisiins he and his wife made in taking in or buying the animals.
By the last chapter he almost made up for this carelessness, in the way he described his rocky relationship with the parrot Dusty!

Never again will I own a bird!

[J.Elle · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you know me, you know why this was the perfect book for my life right now. I laughed and cried reading it. If you own birds or rabbits, this book is completely relatable.

My favorite quote, "But you open up your heart to an animal at your peril. [...] Too suddenly and too often, they leave us. It's then that we realize most sharply the subtle comfort of our animals' companionship. It's then that we know that we can't live without them, even though we sometimes must."

[Buffy · Rating 1 out of 5]

DNF - lost my patience with this man at about the time he adopted the fifth animal he couldn't manage. Really, incompetence is only adorable in the very young or very hot.

[Greta Fisher · Rating 2 out of 5]

The husband is emotionally fragile, the wife is compulsively collecting animals and the resulting chaos is neither funny,charming nor inspirational.

[Tara · Rating 3 out of 5]

I don't understand anything about this man and his wife and their choice to move from the city out to the country and (over the years) adopt and live with a plethora (and I mean PLETHORA) of sundry ducks, geese, turkey, parrots, doves, canaries, parakeets, starlings, bunnies and cats...SO MANY. While fascinating to read...ummmm, no, thank you. These little critters wound up literally taking over (enslaving...see book title) these two, hijacking their lives and permanently altering their ‡§truly love it. But as for me, and in the words of Sid the Sloth from Ice Age..."No thanks, I choose LIFE." One dog and three cats are MORE than enough for this gal...but to read...but NOT for me.

"People say you can get used to anything. Habits are habit, and repetition makes the extraordinary events eventually seem commonplace."

"Too suddenly and too often, they leave us. It's then that we realize most sharply the subtle comfort of our animals' companionship. It's then that we know that we can't live without them, even though we sometimes must."

[Booknblues · Rating 3 out of 5]

When somebody owns three rabbits, two cats, three parakeets, a dove, two parrots, three turkeys, two geese, a canary, and nine ducks it seems there has to be a certain amount of family drama involved that and a on-going prescription of Zoloft and quite an incredible vet bill.

Bob and especially his wife Linda can't seem to find the number which represent too many. While they clearly love their animals, some of the episodes described in the book set my teeth on edge.

Tarte has a semi-lovable, self-deprecating manner which has moments of endearing humor:
"Decades parked in front of a computer screen had left me with the stamina of a petunia."
Admittedly I found this book easy to read and quite humorous despite feeling guilty about it.

[Megan · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book as I can relate to the duck stories. However, I did wish many times that more preventative measures were taken to protect their flock from nature. This couple absolutely loves all animals and this story highlighted many reasons why we, as humans, don't deserve animals and their unwavering love.

[Kristen · Rating 2 out of 5]

I wanted to love this book. With a title and a cover like that, how could I not love it??? The author has a great writing style. His descriptions of the various characters (animal and human) had me laughing out loud several times. The book doesn't really have a plot, it is more just a collection of anecdotes about the various animals in his life. Definitely something that I would normally really enjoy. But the reason why I didn't love it is because I couldn't get past the complete irresponsibility of the author and his wife as they repeatedly bought animals that they had no idea how to care for. They would go into a pet shop, and impulsively buy an animal with no knowledge of what to expect from it when they got it home. This resulted in them often returning the animal to the pet shop within a week or so when they realized they didn't actually want it. That really bugs me. I don't think anyone should buy a pet without doing your homework first. We have been researching parrots for over a year now, and we still haven't bought one because I haven't narrowed down which species would be best for us. I can't imagine just running down to the nearest petco and buying a bird because I liked the way it looked. Another thing I didn't like about the author's stories was the fact that he seems to have a problem euthanizing animals who clearly are too sick or injured to have any sort of quality of life left. I think if you are truly an animal lover, the last thing you want to do is watch an animal suffer when a quick trip to the vet could put it out of its misery. Another thing that bugged me was the author kept waiting for some sort of tragic accident to occur before he would build the proper cages for the animals. Why did a beloved duck have to get killed by a raccoon before he closed the holes in the fence? Why did a bird have to get a toe bitten off before the author realized it wasn't very bright to have a free flying bird in a room where it might land on a bigger bird's cage? ANd speaking of free-flying birds, that was another thing that I couldn't get past in the book. I just had this horrible visual of what the inside of this guy's house must look like with all those birds and rabbits pooping everywhere. Ugh. So anyway, to sum up this book, yes there are some funny stories and great descriptions of quirky characters. If you don't get bugged by irresponsible pet owners, you might really love this book.

[Suzanne · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a difficult book to rate and review. So many mixed emotions, good, bad and ugly. I read several other reviews on the book and agreed with all of them, regardless of their rating. I hated and loved it, so I'm rating it in the middle.

It took me quite awhile to get into the story. Early on some paragraphs were so wordy it was ridiculous. I really shouldn't have to look up the definitions of several words in a paragraph, especially when reading about ducks. But the more animals they acquired, the less he flaunted his vocabulary and just got down to story telling.

I had a hard time relating to what I would call their animal insanity but found the story appealing. Probably because I've had some experience with many of the animals myself, though not all at once.

The author's witty humor caught me off guard a few times and I snickered or laughed out loud several times.
If you want a light hearted, weird, witty, mind boggling, tender, head shaking visit into the life of a man (my son would call a Dandy)whose married to an out of control animal lover, then pick up this book and read it. Otherwise, skip and move on to something else.

[Lynn G. · Rating 3 out of 5]

Enslaved by Ducks is an unexpectedly witty and subtle paean to the ups and downs of being owned by pets, particularly animals that are somewhat unconventional in the annals of "petdom" if you will. This book is neither scholarly or literary, but is intended to be neither. It is an entertaining tome, a fun read, and a peek at what life is like for the person who undertakes, wittingly or otherwise, to keep a winged menagerie.

Most of author Tarte's humor is self-deprecating and there are a few laugh-out-loud episodes where Tarte is the unwitting object.

Not being a "bird" person, I neverhteless became attached to some, but not all, of Tarte's winged friends. I learned much more than I ever knew before about birds in general, and ducks, geese, starlings (I didn't know that starlings were "talkers"), doves, and a variety of parrots, in particular. A few bunnies and a couple of cats also make up part of the menagerie. While I remain a committed cat and dog lover I have a greater appreciation of pet birds and those who care for and love them.

[Emily · Rating 4 out of 5]

Even though I'm more of a dog person, I enjoyed this book about a couple and their many pets, mostly birds. I like true animal stories, especially when the author actually is a writer and not just a pet owner who has an interesting story. Bob Tarte anthropomorphizes each duck, turkey, parrot, etc. with affection and dry wit. Several times, I had to stop and read passages aloud my husband. I never knew birds had so much personality. I did know that about rabbits, and the chapters about the Tartes' pet rabbits made me nostalgic for my old attack bunny, Picolino.
This book came highly recommended by a friend and it was worthy of the praise.

[Carol · Rating 4 out of 5]

Delightful book but couldn't imagine living with all these animals. Bob and his wife Linda bring new meaning to pet owners. Rabbits, ducks, geese, parrots, doves, turkeys; a whole gaggle of all god's creatures share a home with this couple. Great book to savor on one's own, not certain how it will fare for book discussion.

[Deb · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very entertaining, but not as good as Marley and Me. I like a laugh-out-loud read, and this was more of a giggle-out-loud and grins. It brought back many fun memories of when my daughter brought home a baby goose and it imprinted on me. For the next 8 years, I was owned by a goose. Fun memories.

[Lucy McCoskey · Rating 2 out of 5]

way too heavy on the self-deprecation. I'm astonished he can get dressed in the morning...

[Susie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great fun. Reminded me to read more light-hearted animal stories.