WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD
Wow, that was by far the darkest and most depressing read I have read in a while-Rosie Goodwin really seemed to be a lot darker with her older books. This was a real doom and gloom fest, and so depressing the way I kept expecting Charlotte to finally get her happy ending after all she'd been through, much like all of Goodwin's other protagonists from her other, more recent books, and as usual for the main antagonist to get their much deserved comeuppance. Unfortunately though, that is not the case here, with it very much being a case of the bad guy winning and a downer ending. Well, okay, Charlotte does find happiness in her final days, but it's overall still not a happy ending in the traditional sense, as she still ends her life having had an unhappy, depressing, miserable life, and after just how much she has gone through, this really is particularly depressing. I almost don't want to give it 4 stars even because of how much second-hand trauma this book left me with, just how unsettled and disturbed it made me feel, but I was as usually really absorbed so I feel the four stars is still deserved, not to mention that having this powerful impact on me is clearly a sign of a very good, compelling book. While most of Rosie Goodwin's other books I've read are full of dark and disturbing events and themes, compared to this they were all light and fluffy reads, and can at least be somewhat of an escape to read, whereas this again, much like with No One's Girl, was one of the few books I found myself wanting to escape from, having desperately sought for things to take my mind off it after having finished it.
This book, despite not being quite as long as Rosie Goodwin's other books that I've read, is really eventful as so much happens that you have to keep up with, as it really goes an awfully long way, covering a very long time span, as we start the story when Charlotte is only 15 and living an oppressive life under the control of her cruel, strict vicar father in 1954, and end the book in 2011 (which is just where the prologue starts off as well) when Charlotte is in a Nursing home at the age of what must be the age of 72. Like I say, so much happens that you have to keep up with and it is very fast-paced in that respect, as it first starts with Charlotte's life with her parents, living under the cruel and strict control of her father, then we see Charlotte's life at the convent after she is raped which results in pregnancy, then we see her brief time at Marianne's house who kindly rescues her from the convent, then we see her returning to England to report her father and returning to her mother who is now with a much kinder man, only sadly finds out that her grandmother has died, who she never even got to say goodbye to. However, with her wicked father dead and her mother now having found happiness and love with a much kinder man who has always been the one she should have been with and is much kinder to Charlotte too, and Charlotte about to embark upon a nursing career in London that she has long aspired to do, things look like they are going to start looking up a great deal, and that happiness is finally on the horizon for all of them. That's where I remember thinking: if only it could have just ended here. That was the most depressing part, when everything seems so happy like a perfect happy ending, but unfortunately, it didn't just end there, with everything turning out far from the perfect happy ending-here, happiness is only fleeting.
Charlotte's time in the convent is very dark and harsh, but that is not even the darkest and gloomiest part of the book. When she embarks upon her nursing career in London, she lives a pretty isolated life, vowing never to get close to a man romantically again after having been raped, with her only friends being her flatmate Libby and Joseph, gay, male colleague, the latter of whom she forms a close bond with due to the fact they are both misfits, with Joseph facing a lot of stigma for his homosexual feelings. Back then it was really, heavily stigmatised of course to be gay, whereas now it is fashionable, much like how unmarried, single mothers were stigmatised, whereas now it is also fashionable and more than normal (or even back 14 years ago in 2011, which is when the final part of this story takes place). It highlights the misfortune of being born at a certain time and having lived in a period when societal attitudes were harsher and crueller. Soon Charlotte's life becomes even more isolated as Libby moves out and she soon seems to lose touch with her, with Joseph now being her only friend, who she soon enters a marriage of convenience with, appearing as a couple to the public but to each other know that there is no real romance, and as we see from the prologue, remains married to him for the rest of his life. While they deeply love and care about each other on a platonic level, they still spend all their lives in a convenience marriage, which is still pretty depressing, that they never really found the true, romantic love they deserved. Charlotte vowed to never get romantically involved with men again after being raped, and you keep expecting this to change, for her to meet someone and realise that there are some good (straight) men out there, but unfortunately she spends the rest of her life with this attitude, and it's just so upsetting to see how much of an impact this all had on her. The only people she really has in her life now are her mother, her stepfather and Joseph.
Things start to go downspiral when Charlotte's mother dies of a heart attack, and again, she doesn't even get the chance to say goodbye. The down-spiralling doesn't stop there though as her kindly stepfather also dies less than 24 hours later, having committed suicide as a result of his bereavement. Now Charlotte only has Joseph left, but unfortunately, the down-spiralling will not end there.
Ethical Dilemmas are the main focus of this story, with Charlotte illegally performing abortions on at least 5 different girls (and later one fully-grown woman even many years later), feeling sorry for them because their lives will be ruined if they have the baby, and sees no other way out, while also remembering how painful it was for her having her own child taken from her. Her personal feelings conflict greatly with professional values, as she decides to follow her heart instead of her head, as of course what she is doing is not only unethical but illegal, but her empathy is just too strong. She does it so various different girls throughout the book, so many actually to the point you lose track and it gets rather repetitive (I just couldn't believe how many pregnant girls she just happened to come across), but each time it gets worse and worse, as each time she performs yet another illegal abortion, it brings her closer to the risk of legal trouble, putting her career in great jeopardy, but also Joseph's, since he is not stopping it and simply going along with it. Sometimes she even offers to do it herself, without them having even asked first. It did really annoy me when she continued to do illegal abortions even when it became legal, as as Joseph said, there was really no need or point, it just didn't make any sense, especially when the woman asking her to perform one was a fully grown woman with many kids rather than a young, naive teenage girl who didn't know any better. The excuse the woman has for asking Charlotte to perform an illegal abortion as well is just pathetic and flimsy, as she still could have gone to get a legal one, as like Charlotte said they have to keep it confidential. It just didn't make any sense to be performing illegal abortions when it was legal now, so it's not like there was even anything to hide. That is the worst part of it, she could have easily avoided it, and discovering the stage of the woman's pregnancy, she realises it would be too dangerous to proceed with the illegal abortion, but feels forced to when the woman blackmails her, threatening to report her to the police for her illegal abortions if she doesn't go through with it. This is where of course she makes what will always be the biggest mistake of her life, for even if her career would be ruined and she'd be in legal trouble, surely that would be better than being held accountable for manslaughter, which is exactly what ends up happening. She would have been in big legal trouble had she been found out about for the illegal abortions, but I doubt she would have gotten an incredibly lengthy sentence like she does when her illegal abortion results in the woman dying. Charlotte was really stupid and wrong doing what she did, but your feelings for her are pretty conflicted, as I found myself feeling so exasperated and annoyed with her for her stupidity and carelessness, yet at the same time couldn't help but feel some sympathy for her, due to all she had been through, her empathy simply having got the best of her. It did make me mad though, as I can understand the sympathy and empathy she had for these women, but they were mostly strangers and their situations and problems weren't her problem or business, especially the last case which resulted her getting a lengthy prison sentence. Not to mention that one or two of them who asked for an illegal abortion even when it had become legalised came up with the most stupid, flimsy excuses for wanting a backstreet abortion instead of going through the proper channels simply saying "Oh I'm worried my parents/husband will find out and get mad at me", which is ridiculous as like Charlotte says there is such thing as patient confidentiality, and how would it even reach them anyway?! Besides if they'd be getting rid of the baby what would the problem even be anyway?! This just really annoyed me, especially with the last woman who she accidentally kills.
This is where things really get particularly dark and depressing and the down-spiralling continues, getting darker and more depressing, as Charlotte is arrested and sentenced to 15 years in prison, and Joseph is also sentenced to a separate prison for his role as an accomplice, having helped move the body, but not for anything like as long. The judge and jury have no sympathy or understanding for Charlotte, simply deeming her as "a disgrace to the midwifery", along with the press, who view her as simply this toxic criminal. What Charlotte did was clearly very wrong and stupid, but of course you can't help but sympathise with her, for she isn't just simply a toxic, evil criminal and a "disgrace" like she is deemed to be, and all the press attention is what ruins her and her image for life, and the fact she is forced to spend 15 years in prison is very dark and depressing, not to mention the fact she is separated from Joseph and doesn't even get to say goodbye to him in this time. Honestly, I'd have rather died than go through all that. After he dies, she is left with nobody in the world, and remains a pariah long after she is released from prison. All in all, it really is all doom and gloom, and very dark and depressing. However, what really tops it off and makes it so infuriating is that her evil Aunt Edith (who I knew we hadn't heard the last of), returns on the scene and despite the fact it has been about 50-60 years since her brother died (which she has always blamed on Charlotte and her mother), STILL continues to hold a hateful grudge against Charlotte for it, to the point she has been conducting a wicked vendetta against her all this time as revenge, with her having spoken to the press and led Joseph to living a reclusive life throughout his final days and possibly (as implied) committing suicide, with him having also been a pariah after he was released from his (much shorter) sentence from prison. The worst and most infuriating part of it is though is that she NEVER gets her comeuppance, but rather gets to live to a ripe, old age while continuing her wicked vendetta, and this just made me so damn angry, with there having been no real catharsis factor whatsoever.
So rather than looking at the development of Charlotte's life and embarking on this journey with her, we instead see the tragic life she has led. Much like others have said here, I did find it most ridiculous and far-fetched the way Charlotte just happens to meet her long-lost daughter Daisy by chance after all these years, who just happens to be the mother of her main carer, not to mention Daisy has been adopted from Ireland as well, yet just so happened to be in the same small town as her! The way it just has to be in her final months of life as well, and I was seriously just like "Oh come on!" I mean I've read fairy tales more realistic and believable than that. Still, she never reveals the truth to Daisy about being her birth mother, or to Beth about being her grandmother, and while this story still took an overall downer ending with Charlotte having spent 15 years in prison, separated from her husband who ends up dying during this time while having been a pariah, with Charlotte returning home after her lengthy sentence to a life of nothing and nobody there for her. Even at Joseph's funeral it is only her and her solicitor in attendance which was very depressing indeed.
A few things I had to nitpick about this story was the lack of closure on certain characters, resulting from a case of "Whatever happened to the mouse", with characters who initially played an important role in Charlotte's life earlier on in the story such as Marianne, Joan and Libby never to be seen again. For instance Marianne rescues her from the convent, yet we never see or even hear from her again after this. We also never find out what happened to Joan after she ran away from the convent, and Libby disappears after she gets married and moves out of her flat with Charlotte, when after having lived together all this time and seemingly become close friends, you'd have thought they'd have stayed in touch and continued their friendship. Another thing was that I think the author got a bit mixed up with the times of Charlotte's prison sentence, as she appears to have got sentenced for 15 years in 1990 or 1991, as that is when this chapter takes place, but by the time we get to 2008 it says she is still in prison, which is more than 15 years of course. Likewise, it says that Joseph died 10 years prior to the time the prologue begins in 2011, meaning that would be 2001, but in the story itself later on it says he doesn't die til around 2008 or something. Not to mention Aunt Edie is said to be in her 90s when Charlotte gets out of prison, and Charlotte is in her 60s, yet earlier in the book it said Aunt Edith was only 20 years older than Charlotte. Very confusing.