The Decade of Blind Dates

by Richard Alther

Peter Bauman, a forty-five-year-old divorced gay painter, plunges into the personal ads just prior to the Internet in his quest for the perfect partner. He dates a colorful cast of characters from a Connecticut physician, a rabid Republican, to a Texas-two-stepping, tattooed punk. Next there's the heavier-than-advertised geek who arrives with a bag of sex toys, but Peter is more serious with a handsome, stern Maine woodsman, followed by a British aristocrat patron who declines further intimacy because of his AIDS.

As Peter negotiates his new gay identity, his best friend, Barry, counsels and supports him at every step, especially as Peter deals with a health crisis. During a decade of sex and shenanigans, Peter, encouraged by his ex-wife, daughter, and son, examines his life and, at last, discovers his soul mate.

Acclaim for "The Decade of Blind Dates"

"SPECTACULARLY WITTY...The Decade of Blind Dates is a brave novel, a remarkable work of social and personal history. It is gay life as so many Americans lived it in the last decades of the last century, an alternately glorious and confounding picaresque of the mind and heart. It is also spectacularly witty-I started writing down lines that made me laugh out loud and soon ran out of paper." "--Richard Stevenson, author of the Donald Strachey series"

"HILARIOUS...Pre-Internet personals, perseverance, and a strong swimmer's sturdy build all pay off for the narrator of this engaging episodic novel about a rural gay artist's decade-long-search, after coming out at midlife, for heart-connecting love-not just sweaty sex. Alther's word portraits of men met along the way-among them a Nordic-god New Age bodybuilder with a dullblack toupee, a burly Bear with a bagful of erotic toys and a miniscule member, and a reclusive basket-weaver with magisterial forearms-are as humane as they are hilarious in a warm-hearted story." "--Richard Labonte, Books To Watch Out For"

"The Decade of Blind Dates is refreshing in its realism about what gay men experience-friends who die of AIDS, gay men who marry in an attempt to convince themselves they are straight, only to end up divorced. It's not just about hot sex but rather a very serious novel about dating. Anyone who has suffered through years of dating to find a soul mate will feel empathy and humor over Peter's situation." "--Reader Views"

"Whether you are gay or straight, Richard Alther exposes the hilarity and challenge of starting over romantically in midlife." "--The Bottom Line, Palm Springs"

Genres: M M Romance, Gay, Fiction, LGBT, Contemporary

284 pages, Paperback

Published July 11, 2008

About the author

Richard was born and raised in suburban New Jersey. He graduated as an English major from Cornell University and pursued twin careers as a writer and painter. He is the author of five novels: THE DECADE OF BLIND DATES (2008), SIEGFRIED FOLLIES (2010), THE SCAR LETTERS (2013), ROXIE & FRED (2017), and BEDSIDE MATTERS, published by Rare Bird Books on March 23, 2021.

After several years in Manhattan, Richard moved to Vermont and earned his family’s living writing extensively about vegetable gardening and homesteading. His simultaneous career as an exhibiting painter included gallery representation and one-person shows in Montreal, London, Los Angeles, Boston, Dallas, and Florida.

Richard has trained and competed nationally as a Masters Swimmer for several years, reaching the top ten at age 50.

He divides his time between homes in Palm Springs, California and the Lake Champlain area of Vermont, where his grandchildren reside.

Reviews

[LenaRibka]

DNF at 37%



Honestly, I unwillingly give the books with an average rating under 3,5 stars one star, particularly if I can't really blame a book, but because I probably doesn't belong to the target audience.

Trying very hard not to sound like a sexist, I'd say that this book can be more suitable interesting for gay men who had the same experience or who could at least better digest background information.


The Decade of Blind Dates tells us a story of an ex-husband and a farther of 2 kids who came out at the age of over 40. And now, being in a middle-crisis-age, good looking and nicely shaped-thanks to swimming a lot-and armed with approvals from his ex-wife and his children, he goes out in search of the right MAN. And as we all know, in the pre-Internet era everything happens via ads! Means-no gay dating sites+a smart phone. Means letters + telephone!


To tell the truth, as I picked up this book, I expected a lot of fun, poignant sarcasm, hot sex scenes, witty lines, freshness and cheekiness! In other words, I expected something like Great Pleasures, maybe only a bit older narrator with a bit more old-fashioned dating tools. Unfortunately my expectations were not met. Not a single likeable character, the dating encounters pretty unappealing, the narrator himself kinda boring - uninteresting and unsexy men exchanged letters, met, ate and f*cked. But after the MC decided to start an affair with a woman whereas everyone tried to convince him that he'd better not because he was supposed to be gay, I decided to stop.


There was nothing I could do against it, but I constantly compared The Decade of Blind Dates with Great Pleasures and I have to say that the comparison didn't tend to benefit of Richard Alther. What a pity for both of us!



P.S But what a nice evidence for Edward Southgate's book in my eyes.

[Kassa · Rating 4 out of 5]

This debut novel from the author takes a wide look at middle aged dating among gay men. The narrative is told in chronological episodes, year by year, of the main character’s drive to find the perfect partner. Looking for that elusive combination of good looks, sex appeal, and emotional connection, the search is not always easy and as indicated by the title, can take a while. The story is not just an endless look at one blind date after another though but more so an examination of ten years of the main character’s life as he goes through life changes, health scares, friends dying, solidifying existing friendships, and finally finding love where he never thought to look. This creates a solid story filled with humor, tears, joy, laughter, and missteps that stands out in gay fiction.

The story follows Peter through a decade of his life as he dates, paints, and remembers his past friends and family. Due to this, the plot itself moves along without a strong driving force which accounts for the slower pace. The beginning few years finds Peter throwing himself into blind dates filled with humorous missteps and interesting characters. This is the age before internet dating and most of the looking is done through ads in magazines and newspapers. Peter works just as hard at his painting as he does finding an elusive partner. These episodes are largely filled with eccentric characters that leave Peter uninterested and quickly moving on. This portion of the story tends to fly by with a light touch and witty antics.

As the story and Peter progress, his encounters start to become more meaningful. Peter enters into several short term relationships where some he ends and some he is left. Throughout all his trials in dating, Peter’s best friend Barry and his strong family and friends show a well rounded man who is unwilling to settle. Peter wants to have both an active sex life and a deep emotional connection. Yet as the years go by, Peter starts to question himself and wonder if he can have it all. He starts to think perhaps the relationship with the almost mute Ted is acceptable since he’s very attracted to the man. Or perhaps the common interests of Willis will carry through the lackluster bedroom exercises.

The tone of the writing gets heavier as the subject matter does. Peter himself changes from the eager dater at the beginning to more selective and there are fewer and fewer overtures as he ages. There are also significant changes that go on in Peter’s life as nothing stands still while he’s looking for a partner. There is a health scare that remains a threat in his life, he moves from a small town in New Hampshire to an even more isolated home in Vermont while his painting career starts to really take off. The writing handles each of these incredibly well with sensitivity and honesty. The earlier whimsy and humor give way to deeper reflection on relationships and family. The chapter on Peter’s mother especially is the most emotional and shows how deeply she affected the person Peter became.

As I’ve said the pace is somewhat slow but it makes for a languid, enticing read. The narrative combines a healthy sex drive with emotional connections and offers several very different views into the realm of dating among middle aged gay men. The importance on looks, weight, activities, and interests all change and alter depending on each person presented and gives a very nice contrast to the non stop sex stories. The last section especially as it details a few of Peter’s more anonymous encounters shows how dating among gay men can be very different from anything else. A great look at the topic that seems somewhat autobiographical of the author, but that’s just a guess.

The slower pace and occasionally heavy tone combine with the earlier humor to deliver a great book maturing as the main character does. This growth allows the reader to really fall for Peter’s charm along with his obsession about sex and good looks while pining for a deep emotional connection. His flaws make him as appealing as all his vary attributes and his happy ending is one that simply works. For those readers looking for something different that showcases a decade of a man’s life with dating, life, health, and love, Decade of Blind Dates will certainly satisfy.

[Saul Singleton · Rating 3 out of 5]

Stole this book from my monkeypox vaccine site…. Pleasurable… finished it while I was sick … kinda helped

[Indie Reviews · Rating 5 out of 5]

In this age of instant messaging it is difficult to imagine a time when people relied on hand written exchanges not only as a means of simple communication but also as a way of getting to know one another. Richard Alther takes us back to this not so long ago time of pre-internet in The Decade of Blind Dates the story of Peter Bauman an artist and father who comes out in his 40s to live openly as a gay man for the first time in his life. While Peter’s coming out affords him a new found freedom to openly date other men and explore his sexuality he subscribes to a number of personal ads in the hopes of finding not only sexual fulfillment but also a partner and soul mate.

In his decade long journey of blind dates, Peter meets a variety of men from all walks of life through personal ads, letter exchanges and telephone conversations many of which have him traveling cross-country, while others are closer to home. Some of the relationships that Peter forms with these men last a few weeks, a few take on the level of potential seriousness lasting a number of months, while some don’t even get off the ground, as the first date is also the last one. Peter’s experiences with the men he meets are often funny, sometimes sweet and at times sad.

And while Peter is on a search to find the perfect mate, life continues to happen. His relationship with his children and ex-wife, always strong and mutually loving and supportive, evolves as Peter and they do. Peter is faced with a serious illness and he makes a fundamental life decision to move from his rural home in New Hampshire to an even more isolated region of Vermont. He also comes to terms with the death of his dear friend Luke who played an instrumental role in helping Peter live honestly as a gay man, and he finally faces his feelings about the tumultuous relationship with his mother.

Throughout all of this there are two constants in Peter’s life, his art and his best friend Barry. Peter’s painting, in particular the portraits of his loved ones, helps him to work through his emotions and he relies on Barry’s steadfast guidance and support to negotiate the relationships that he forms with the men he dates, as well as the events in his life.

There is a refined elegance and sophistication to Alther’s writing that one does not come across every day. He writes this story with wit and intelligence, but it is the richness of Peter’s personal narrative and the author’s textured descriptions of the people, places and feelings in this novel that completely envelop the reader into the varied layers of the story.

The author alternates the story between past and present as well as between Peter’s encounters and experiences with the men he meets and dates and the events of Peter’s life. The author does this seamlessly never interrupting the rhythm and flow of the story, but at the same time, he deftly captures the fact that for the most part Peter keeps his relationships with the majority of the men he meets separate from the more important aspects of his personal life, namely, his family, friends and his work.

The Decade of Blind Dates by Richard Alther is not only a story of man in search of the perfect love, but also very much a journey of self-discovery and self-acceptance. And in the end Peter finds both love and self. I highly recommend this rich and textured novel that is written with intelligence, humor, emotional honesty and depth.

NOTE: This review was originally posted online by Rainbow Reviews on March 28, 2010.

[Kim · Rating 1 out of 5]

I wanted to like this book but the main character was so conceited that I just couldn't. His only saving grace was that he did seem to treat the women in his life with a great deal of respect. On the other hand, he also seemed to be a bit of a bigot, criticizing the few minorities featured in the book. Ugh.

[JSidelinger · Rating 2 out of 5]

I thought it was a good first effort. However, I found myself a little tired of it after five years of dating especially because I sensed how the story would likely end. I was right. I was happy for the protagonist because it made perfect sense but ten years is way too long.

[EC · Rating 3 out of 5]

A datng book frome a different perspective.