The Tim Tebow CFL Chronicles

by Jon Bois

It's 2014, and Tim Tebow's NFL options have been exhausted. He gives in to popular speculation and signs with the Toronto Argonauts of the Canadian Football League, and immediately finds that Canadian game to be wildly different. The stadium seats 600,000 people. The ball has a long, finned javelin that protrudes out the end. Tebow runs in for a touchdown on his first drive, and learns that he's scored the first CFL touchdown since the 1980s.

And then he learns that it isn't a touchdown, because in the CFL, there are no touchdowns. You don't stop in the end zone. You keep going and going and going, in the same direction, outside of the stadium, through the city, into the woods, and across the continent.

Genres: Science Fiction

Website

Published August 18, 2014

Reviews

[Carol · Rating 4 out of 5]

MAN.
ok first of all i think the website might be a bit broken? idk if it's just bc I'm a firefox girlie or what but some of the buttons weren't quite working properly. anyway it didn't take a lot out of my experience but just thought id note

anyway OUGHH i wish id read this sooner because it was such a nice little story :( it clarified a lot for me in terms of 17776 (I think this is like at least a spiritual prequel if not an actual one) and it was really cool to see jon boi's writing in a traditional written format as opposed to the conversation style of 17776! anyway im insane we knew this

[Hannah LeBlanc · Rating 3 out of 5]

well it’s more speculative/surrealist football ???? fiction…i was initially put off by the title but I liked jon bois’s other work enough to read it anyway. I think this was a solid first pass at the themes, driving forces, and philosophy that he perfected in 17776 & 20020. I aspire to give as much love and creativity to anything as he does to football

[Isaac Jensen · Rating 4 out of 5]

So profoundly strange, this work. A precursor to 17776, and a little rough(er) around the edges. John Bois thinks about the question “why sports?” in a way that I find deeply odd and also rather moving.

[Shhhhivawn · Rating 4 out of 5]

4
Jon Bois you are the great thinker of the 21st century. Almost serves as a prequel to 17776, but also, clearly is a separate narrative entirely. The same ideas are there, though: games as the most fundamental human thing, climate change as the ultimate challenge of our time, space as empty and not the saviour much other spec fiction/sci fi makes it out to be. Very funny!! All the silly Canadian things, our bagged everything, keys fitting into every lock. Was grinning at the Montreal directionality bit before the reveal was even given (because I have been there. because the buses do not make sense). Also the "the drake" bit and the St-Hilaire face jump scare. Hilarious. Loved the meta "how the hell do you make this into a book anyway?" authorial thing too. That was clever. Makes me want to go to an Alouettes game.

[Markus · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really wish I wasn't as depressed and under pressure or this would have been amazing to me

[Molly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Many people were introduced to Jon Bois by his other long-form story, 17776. The Tim Tebow CFL Chronicles is a sort of spiritual prequel to 17776, exploring a fantastic world in which football is much, much more than just a game. It's difficult to discuss without spoiling, so let me just say: read it. You won't be sorry. (It's ~45,000 words, a quick read that sucks you in.)

[Mike Gremillion · Rating 5 out of 5]

This surrealist tale of Tim Tebow in the Canadian football league has no rights being the modern masterpiece it truly is. At times inspiring, meditative, and deeply odd, this work; the “odyssey” of Canadian football, asks the big questions around sport, life’s meaning, god, and “why are Canadians so kooky”. A must read

[Greg · Rating 4 out of 5]

You may need to use the web archive to read this story, as the normal link isn't working as of August 2021. It's a silly and fantastical read for football fans.

[Alexander R. · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's truly remarkable. Bois' writing is unlike anything else in a very good way.

[Will · Rating 5 out of 5]

From Chapter 1

The line of scrimmage sits right along the "ARGONAUTS" paint in the end zone. Ahead of us are the REDBLACKS; their faces are obscured by the sunlight pouring over their shoulders. Behind them are sidewalks, streets, hot dog vendors, skyscrapers, suburban backyards with trampolines, rivers, mountains, abandoned barns, and permafrost, all part of the field. The hash marks live only in our hearts.

Football was born in a little rectangular box. First there were markers, then paint, then stadium walls to trap it within its bars. And now the beast has been let out of the zoo. It has never been out in the wild, but it knows this place, because this was always the world it was meant to live in.

I line up behind center and ready myself for the great adventure of my life.

[Houstonion · Rating 2 out of 5]

Feels very much like a dry run of 17776, more or less the entire point of this is to make the reader say "Hey, that's not how football is supposed to go!" The comedy is good and all but, like the game, it's way too long and not very well thought out. 20020 works so well because it presents the stupidest game imaginable but by the end you're more invested in it than anything else, ever. In those, the games last years because humans have nothing else to do, in this it lasts years because it's just a really bad game.

[Lisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love this guy's work!
Here we have another wacky, amazing football game with intrepid players. The story is set shortly before the events of 17776 and acts as a kind of prequel.
I still don't understand football, but I learned a lot about Canada. Some solid info there.

[Sam · Rating 5 out of 5]

Probably still one of my favorite Jon Bois productions, just for the sheer density.

[Daniel Frank]

creative and fun but too much for me

[Justin Slepicka · Rating 5 out of 5]

Haven’t revisited it in years but there are lines I remember til this day because they’re so well written

[jen kelley · Rating 4 out of 5]

genius, as expected

[sarai · Rating 4 out of 5]

putting this on my gr bc why the hell not

[Cale Zaugg · Rating 3 out of 5]

Canada is a strange place.

In all seriousness, this would be at least 4 stars, maybe even 5 if it just had a better ending. It was unnecessarily harsh and tonally bizarre. But I loved the concept and the first 3/4 of the book.

[✨! · Rating 4 out of 5]

What if football was somehow even more stupid and also what if Canada was really, really weird

I feel like this falls a little flat compared to 17776 and 20020. Both of those feel complete because there's more to the story, a theme or a plot that grounds it and gives it meaning. This feels like 44,000 words of Bois going "look at this crazy ass game of football! Isn't it weeeeird???" and tbf it is weird! I liked it! But that bit just keeps going and going for a couple chapters too long until it Bois decided, "okay, I'm done writing this now," and abruptly ends it.

I still enjoyed it. The plays and twists are just the right balance of smart and stupid. Bois is so, so good at writing dialogue that's hilarious and filled to the brim with personality (did you know that the movie Hitch is now available on DVD?), and the world is really fun! This just very clearly reads like the prototype version of 17776 before Bois works out the kinks. It's skippable, especially compared to his other works (on my hands and knees trying to convince my friends to read 17776: What football will look like in the future it's SO GOOD)

[Jaren · Rating 5 out of 5]

I finally get it now. Absolutely loved reading this again and really analyzing it