Twelve

by Kindra M. Austin

TWELVE is the yearlong journey of my grief and healing expressed in poems and prose. While most pieces involve my mom directly, some are just byproducts of melancholy. But dark as my days have been, there is one who keeps me tethered to the light—you will know her influence in certain pieces; she reminds me to breathe on my worst days. And so I keep on digging into the pit of me—I know my truths deserve to be heard.

In TWELVE, you’ll feel the mourning of a daughter, the love of a mother, and the highs, lows, and plateaus that make the healing process an intricate one. Above all, you’ll feel the steel of a woman determined to hold on to life. To quote The Crow, one of my favorite films: “It can’t rain all the time.”

127 pages, Paperback

Published December 7, 2018

About the author

Kindra M. Austin is an author and editor from Michigan. She is the co-founder of Indie Blu(e) Publishing.

Reviews

[Nicholas Gagnier · Rating 5 out of 5]

Twelve is one of my favourite collections of the year. It ranks up there among one of the most heartrending collections I’ve ever read. This is because Twelve’s airtight narrative of bereavement gives you little breathing room against the barrage of Austin’s grief over the death of her mother.

"You come to me often, and I can’t take it—seeing your Cheshire smile, and glittering eyes. I’d thought dreams of you would bring me peace, but those visions of you animated, and the dulcet tones of your voice, well-remembered, bouncing against the walls of my skull only cause me agony."

And this is not a beatification. There is a sad acknowledgement the relationship at the book’s heart was conflicted and imperfect, like any parent and child have. Yet, Austin comes out the other side more fond of her mother’s memory than not, and hopeful for the future. Nowhere is this more appropriate than Wedding Poem, which celebrates her newlywed daughter- an event Austin mentions in the fantastic opener Proem should have included her mother.

The imagery is bleak at times, but death and grief are not pretty affairs. It is Austin’s sheer command of the written word that bleak imagery is, in fact, imbued with more hope than hopelessness.

"Happy Halloween—

you’ve been dead
twelve months
today. "

Overall, Twelve is a collection which reminds us death is not about the dead, but those who are left behind. In Austin’s case, she has shaped it into a torch carried for hers, and wields it to light the dark ahead.

[John W. Leys · Rating 5 out of 5]

Another excellent collection of poetry and prose by the talented Kindra Austin. This volume chronicles the 12 months following the death of Austin's mother. While not every piece deals directly with the loss of her mother, it's a loss that lurks behind every word. As with her first collection of poetry, Twelve is incredibly moving, hauntingly beautiful, and rawly personal. For me it was also very timely as my own mother recently passed away and, while our relationships with our mothers certainly seem to have been different, Austin's poetry definitely spoke to me with it's authenticity and truth.

Highly recommended.

[Christine Ray · Rating 5 out of 5]

I had the honor of reading an advanced copy of Twelve for review purposes. Austin has created a whole new language for mourning and grief in Twelve that is sharp, raw, and beautiful. Anyone who has lost a loved one unexpectedly or had to negotiate the dissonance of having a part of their identity ripped away suddenly by death will feel the stab of truth in every word.

I devoured Twelve in one sitting, but already long to return and savor each piece more slowly, with the reverence they deserve.

[Kristiana · Rating 5 out of 5]

Once I began reading Twelve, I couldn’t stop. I was captivated by her words and felt every teardrop of her grief. We are not taught how to grieve but Austin’s choice to document and share the first year of mourning her Mother’s death, is a beautiful way to begin. Her words inspire, comfort and sting. The pages are bursting with humanity and honesty. Austin never fails to impress me; she has the innate ability to turn pain into something beautiful to remember.

[Candice Daquin · Rating 5 out of 5]

I had the pleasure of reviewing this authors work prior to publication. Twelve contains the power you'd expect if you are familiar with this author's previous work, but it takes the emotion even further in the twelve months leading up to and subsequent to the author's mother's death. To say this is a book about recovery does not in any way do justice to the sheer guts and honesty you will find herein. This is a collection like none other, the only point of comparison I can consider is Joan Didion's A Year of Magical Thinking but even then, it's far less unapproachable and far more intense than the usual suspects in these kinds of emotional journeys. In fact, to say it's a journey doesn't really liberate the truth sufficiently. This is an exodus through emotion rather than a collection of emotions, there is the unbearable awareness of what has happened and then there is survival and everything else, it just stands starkly at the side and watches without knowing what to say. That the author has the capacity to wrench this from her heart and put it into prose and poetry, astounds me. Few if any have been able to capture what this experience is like (of losing someone close to you to premature death) and I don't see how it can be done, and yet it is by Kindra Austin is quite simply is a force of passion and love and pain and life and all the things we all are but can never say. She is also more than that, because she's fearful and fearless, humorous, moribund and terrifyingly real and her words will disturb you, make you think and most of all provoke a deep ache. What is that ache? It is the proof you are alive.