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1078 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1993
from MARBURGAnd Tsvetaeva:
Why am I frightened? As well as my grammar
I know my insomnia. We two are allied.
Then why do I dread, like a call from a madman,
My usual thoughts, so long known and well tried?
from TO A FRIEND
Does not the five-year plan decide my measure?
Does it not raise me high, does it not sink me low?
But then, how can I manage with my rib cage,
And everything that is more slow than slow?
from AUTUMN
You are the blessing on my baneful way,
When life has depths worse than disease can reach,
And courage is the only root of beauty,
And it is this that draws us each to each.
from TWO SONGSAnd why not a bit of Mayakovsky?
I know everything, don’t argue with me.
I can see now, I’m no longer a lover.
I understand wherever love has power
Death approaches soon, like a gardener.
from HOMESICKNESS
But my country has taken so little care
Of me that even the sharpest spy could
Go over my whole spirit and would
Detect no birthmark there!
from THE CLOUD IN TROUSERS(And on a car ride with Terry Tempest Williams I read these lines from Anna Akhmatova's piece Requiem "Instead of a preface":
I used to think You were that almighty Godhead,
You ain’t no more than an ill-taught goddity,
pitiful and small
Watch me bend over
and take a flickknife
from inside my boot.
You winged scoundrels!
Get back to heaven where you belong!
Ruffle your feathers in a frightened rage!
Or I’ll open you up,
for all your stink of frankincense,
from here to Alaska.
Let me go!
Don’t leave me.
I’m lying.
I don’t know whether it is true,
but I can’t keep any calmer.
Look how they’ve knocked off the heads
of the stars and bloodied the sky with slaughter.
Hey you!
Heaven!
Bare your head, remove your hat!
I’m coming!
It’s deaf!
The universe is sleeping
with its enormous ear, tick-filled with stars
resting on its paws.
from AT THE TOP OF MY VOICE
But I
subdued
myself,
setting my heel
on the throat
of my own song.
In the terrible years of the Yezhov terror I spent seventeen months waiting in line outside the prison in Leningrad. One day somebody in the crowd identified me. Standing behind me was a woman, with lips blue from the cold, who had, of course, never heard me called by name before. now she started out of the torpor common to us all and asked me in a whisper (everyone whispered there):
“Can you describe this?”
And I said: “I can.”
Then something like a smile passed fleetingly over what had once been her face.