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The Book Your Pastor Wishes You Would Read
What do you think about your pastor? Do you chew over his sermons and wonder if they are clear and helpful? Do you feel he spends enough time with you? In fact, do you ever catch yourself wondering what he does all day? The truth is, often we think, "What can my pastor do for me?" Far less often do we think, "What can I do for my pastor?"
Former seasoned pastor, Christopher Ash, urges church members to think about pastors not just in terms of what they do—how they lead and pray and preach and teach and so on—but what about who they are. He encourages us to remember that pastors are people and to pray for them as they serve us.
Paradoxically, caring for our pastor will be a blessing to us as well as to them, and create a culture of true fellowship in our church family.
Former seasoned pastor, Christopher Ash, urges church members to think about pastors not just in terms of what they do—how they lead and pray and preach and teach and so on—but what about who they are. He encourages us to remember that pastors are people and to pray for them as they serve us.
Paradoxically, caring for our pastor will be a blessing to us as well as to them, and create a culture of true fellowship in our church family.
128 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2019
66 people are currently reading
426 people want to read
About the author
Christopher Ash
54 books82 followersChristopher Ash works for the Proclamation Trust in London as director of the Cornhill Training Course. He is also writer in residence at Tyndale House in Cambridge, and is the author of several books, including Out of the Storm: Grappling with God in the Book of Job and Teaching Romans. He is married to Carolyn and they have three sons and one daughter.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 106 reviews
April 25, 2019
What a brilliant little book. Though the term “must-read” is overused, this truly is a must-read for every church member. Read it soon.
June 29, 2019
Reading this book will help you care for and encourage your pastor. It's spot on.
(And very encouraging for me as a pastor as I was reminded of all the people in my church who are just like this.)
(And very encouraging for me as a pastor as I was reminded of all the people in my church who are just like this.)
March 31, 2025
Advocates for the care and keeping of pastoral leaders. Addresses the financial, emotional, spiritual, and physical aspects of pastoral health. It's all common sense. But I think the book could be a good catalyst for needed conversation in unhealthy situations. Probably a good book for founding church members to read when calling a pastor for the first time.
Some takeaways:
—Hardness of heart is the great pastor-killer.
—Few things so encourage a pastor as eager listeners and learners.
—Joy in pastoral ministry is therefore fueled, perhaps most deeply of all, by signs of a local church who are walking in the truth together.
Some takeaways:
—Hardness of heart is the great pastor-killer.
—Few things so encourage a pastor as eager listeners and learners.
—Joy in pastoral ministry is therefore fueled, perhaps most deeply of all, by signs of a local church who are walking in the truth together.
January 18, 2024
It's a quick and easy read with such valuable truths for church members! Ash reminds us that church membership isn't transactional; pastoral care should not be uni-directional; and both church leadership and members have responsibility for gospel flourishing. Ash touches on many passages, but his argument can be summarised in Heb 13:17. May the fruit of the gospel in our lives spur our church leaders to continue ministering with joy!
January 29, 2020
A surprisingly helpful book on a subject rarely read or written about.
SUMMARY
Christopher Ash gives seven ways to help encourage and care for our pastors:
THE GOOD
This book was wonderful. The sections on honesty, watchfulness, and kindness were my favorite. These chapters are helping reshape how I encourage and care for my pastor.
Ash is an amazing writer. In fact, if you haven't read all of Ash's books, you're missing out. His commentary on Job, Job: The Wisdom of the Cross, is one of the best commentaries out there.
He writes on this subject from both a pastoral perspective and a (more recent) church member perspective. It all works together to be a well-balanced and thoughtful book.
THE CHALLENGES
The only bumps were in the final chapters. Ash deals with submission to church authority, and while most of it was biblical advice, my soul heard nails on a chalkboard at certain parts. I don't know yet if Ash is wrong or if my previous church's leadership hurt me so bad that I can't be unbiased when hearing advice on this subject.
However, the second challenge was when talking about accusations against a pastor. I felt it needed to quote Ash here:
I don't see how this helps or handles cases of pastoral abuse (physical, sexual, etc). It's a weird gap in practicality for me. I didn't expect this section since the book was written recently, in light of the #metoo movement, the Catholic and SBC abuse cases, Jeffrey Epstein + co, etc. I agree that we investigate before we formally accuse, but sending people back to their (possible) abuser is not right. We show love for our leadership by having an explicit and clear investigation process.
There's words about the pastor being a sinner just like us (agreed!) but not a word on pastors who are predators. In my opinion, it is love for my leadership that I don't completely trust them. Ash somewhat talks about this when mentioning not to put pastors on pedestals, but I thought it should've gone further. There should of been either a chapter or section on "church vigilance". (And no, this section wasn't under the "Thoughtful watchfulness" chapter. It was under "High Expectations".)
CONCLUSION
This is a book that at least every elder needs to read. I'd encourage every church member to read it.
It is extremely practical and started changing how I support my (new) pastor as I was reading it. I'm really grateful that this book was written and I'm really thankful that I read it.
Four stars.
SUMMARY
Christopher Ash gives seven ways to help encourage and care for our pastors:
1. Daily repentance and eager faith
2. Committed belonging
3. Open honesty
4. Thoughtful watchfulness
5. Loving kindness
6. High expectations
7. Zealous submission
THE GOOD
This book was wonderful. The sections on honesty, watchfulness, and kindness were my favorite. These chapters are helping reshape how I encourage and care for my pastor.
Ash is an amazing writer. In fact, if you haven't read all of Ash's books, you're missing out. His commentary on Job, Job: The Wisdom of the Cross, is one of the best commentaries out there.
He writes on this subject from both a pastoral perspective and a (more recent) church member perspective. It all works together to be a well-balanced and thoughtful book.
THE CHALLENGES
The only bumps were in the final chapters. Ash deals with submission to church authority, and while most of it was biblical advice, my soul heard nails on a chalkboard at certain parts. I don't know yet if Ash is wrong or if my previous church's leadership hurt me so bad that I can't be unbiased when hearing advice on this subject.
However, the second challenge was when talking about accusations against a pastor. I felt it needed to quote Ash here:
"Paul goes on to say, “Do not entertain an accusation against an elder unless it is brought by two or three witnesses” (v 19). In other words, our pastors should be paid properly and protected from false accusations. A church leader is particularly vulnerable to rumors, gossip and false accusations, especially in our litigious age.
Paul invokes a principle from Old Testament law, which said that an accusation must be properly checked and double-checked, to make sure it is really true. So, when we hear a tidbit of gossip about our pastor, how should we respond? Check that it’s true. “So, who did you hear this from? Have you spoken to the pastor directly about this to check it out? No? Well, then you are joining in with malicious gossip. So, how about you and I meet the pastor and say we have heard this rumor? Let’s see what explanation there might be.”
I don't see how this helps or handles cases of pastoral abuse (physical, sexual, etc). It's a weird gap in practicality for me. I didn't expect this section since the book was written recently, in light of the #metoo movement, the Catholic and SBC abuse cases, Jeffrey Epstein + co, etc. I agree that we investigate before we formally accuse, but sending people back to their (possible) abuser is not right. We show love for our leadership by having an explicit and clear investigation process.
There's words about the pastor being a sinner just like us (agreed!) but not a word on pastors who are predators. In my opinion, it is love for my leadership that I don't completely trust them. Ash somewhat talks about this when mentioning not to put pastors on pedestals, but I thought it should've gone further. There should of been either a chapter or section on "church vigilance". (And no, this section wasn't under the "Thoughtful watchfulness" chapter. It was under "High Expectations".)
CONCLUSION
This is a book that at least every elder needs to read. I'd encourage every church member to read it.
It is extremely practical and started changing how I support my (new) pastor as I was reading it. I'm really grateful that this book was written and I'm really thankful that I read it.
Four stars.
May 7, 2019
I must admit that I don't like the title. If a pastor is too embarrassed to recommend a book to his flock then he probably doesn't have the relationship with them that he ought to have. I'd even go so far as saying that the book isn't embarrassing, but the title is! Haha!
Nevertheless, the book itself is helpful. On one hand, much of this material should be basic common sense to a faithful church member. If the pastors/church have done a good job of setting expectations for members, including their responsibilities and commitments to the congregation (and to the pastor(s) as well), then nothing here is particularly new or groundbreaking.
But on the other hand, we live in a day where so many professing Christians have a consumeristic approach to the church. Or, to many, the church is nothing more than a glorified social club, an event to attend on Sundays, or a place to meet people who are just like us. In such a context, including the context where folks just see the pastor as an employee or a figurehead, this book can be extremely helpful.
After opening chapters entitled 'pastors are people too', and 'why would you want to care for your pastor?', 7 chapters follow, detailing 7 virtues he advocates in response: 1. Daily repentance and eager faith. 2. Committed belonging. 3. Open honesty. 4. Thoughtful watchfulness. 5. Loving kindness. 6. High expectations. 7. Zealous submission. Then he concludes with an exhorting chapter on the necessity of knowing your pastor (well, really, on how important is that someone in the congregation knows the pastor well because the pastor needs that sort of friendship. Here I'd differ with the author and argue that if you don't know your pastor, then he's not really your pastor. Everybody should know their pastor well).
All in all, I bought a few copies to hand out. I recommend it as a book that can be helpful understanding and loving your pastor and fulfilling your duties in church membership.
Nevertheless, the book itself is helpful. On one hand, much of this material should be basic common sense to a faithful church member. If the pastors/church have done a good job of setting expectations for members, including their responsibilities and commitments to the congregation (and to the pastor(s) as well), then nothing here is particularly new or groundbreaking.
But on the other hand, we live in a day where so many professing Christians have a consumeristic approach to the church. Or, to many, the church is nothing more than a glorified social club, an event to attend on Sundays, or a place to meet people who are just like us. In such a context, including the context where folks just see the pastor as an employee or a figurehead, this book can be extremely helpful.
After opening chapters entitled 'pastors are people too', and 'why would you want to care for your pastor?', 7 chapters follow, detailing 7 virtues he advocates in response: 1. Daily repentance and eager faith. 2. Committed belonging. 3. Open honesty. 4. Thoughtful watchfulness. 5. Loving kindness. 6. High expectations. 7. Zealous submission. Then he concludes with an exhorting chapter on the necessity of knowing your pastor (well, really, on how important is that someone in the congregation knows the pastor well because the pastor needs that sort of friendship. Here I'd differ with the author and argue that if you don't know your pastor, then he's not really your pastor. Everybody should know their pastor well).
All in all, I bought a few copies to hand out. I recommend it as a book that can be helpful understanding and loving your pastor and fulfilling your duties in church membership.
February 20, 2022
A cool little book that talks about something many forget. There are tons of books out there on how a pastor should act, how he should care, and what he should be willing and ready to do for his congregation. There are few books (I only know of this one) that's sole focus is on what the congregation and individual members can do for their pastor. It goes without saying that it should be a two-way relationship between the sheep and the shepherd. I can think of many cases where either side neglected that relationship. But too often the pastor is the one that is left with burdens, bruises, and so forth while the member is relatively unscathed. Sometimes it is the other way around. In any event, Ash reminds us that if we wish for a Godly pastor, we should be praying and blessing the one we have. Helpful ideas for accomplishing that task are found within this book.
September 5, 2022
Definitely some food for thought. Ash is a tad too worldly in his approach to getting to know one’s pastor, though. Peppered throughout are little bits of wokeness that, while subtle, are dangerous if taken to heart.
May 9, 2019
Helpful, practical, and short - all the things I'm looking for in a how-to book. If you want to take care of your pastor but are unsure how, this is the book for you. I wish in a couple of places the author would have provided a couple of solid examples, but it is a very good book. I wish I could buy a copy for everyone in my church.
Read
July 8, 2020This is good - better than I thought it would be because it's more than just a reminder that pastors are people. It's also a challenging call to zealously follow Jesus by loving the church.
A few theological assumptions that I don't agree with make it hard to rate, but it's very helpful
A few theological assumptions that I don't agree with make it hard to rate, but it's very helpful
May 18, 2019
This book is very easy to read, and is a great conversation starter about how to love our pastors better (a topic that is too often overlooked). As I read it, I could not help but think that this book would be both beneficial for congregants and pastors alike to read. Are we as congregants and pastors really fulfilling Hebrews 13:17: "Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they are keeping watch over your souls, as those who will have to give an account. Let them do this with joy and not with groaning, for that would be of no advantage to you."
I appreciated the push for us to really "know" our pastors. Who are they outside of the ministry? Who are they as men, and as people? How will these things impact their ministry toward us? Who are their elders?
I wish that there would have been a greater focus on the spiritual care of the pastor. That, being the most important piece, got muddled up with the other general cares. Given that this book was so brief, however, this is not an exhaustive look at the topic, but a good conversation starter.
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p.s. If you're hoping that this book will pertain to your unique denominational setting, it probably won't. Being confessionally Presbyterian, it was sometimes annoying how the responsibility of the elders were being discussed as if anyone could or should do them. Be mindful of the differences, and read charitably so that the book may be of some benefit.
p.s.#2: Also this is not a book for a church in crisis. If you're looking for a book that will tell you how to fix the problems in your pastor's ministry, look elsewhere. This is a book for an overall healthy church, or a church struggling with a some overly controlling/ungracious parishioners (which we all can be at times). The book must be taken for what it is, not for what it is not. It is brief and cannot address every "what if" situation we think of as we read.
I appreciated the push for us to really "know" our pastors. Who are they outside of the ministry? Who are they as men, and as people? How will these things impact their ministry toward us? Who are their elders?
I wish that there would have been a greater focus on the spiritual care of the pastor. That, being the most important piece, got muddled up with the other general cares. Given that this book was so brief, however, this is not an exhaustive look at the topic, but a good conversation starter.
-----
p.s. If you're hoping that this book will pertain to your unique denominational setting, it probably won't. Being confessionally Presbyterian, it was sometimes annoying how the responsibility of the elders were being discussed as if anyone could or should do them. Be mindful of the differences, and read charitably so that the book may be of some benefit.
p.s.#2: Also this is not a book for a church in crisis. If you're looking for a book that will tell you how to fix the problems in your pastor's ministry, look elsewhere. This is a book for an overall healthy church, or a church struggling with a some overly controlling/ungracious parishioners (which we all can be at times). The book must be taken for what it is, not for what it is not. It is brief and cannot address every "what if" situation we think of as we read.
June 5, 2019
I wish our church members had read this book two decades ago. We may have averted many of the issues we struggled through for so long. All church members need to read this book and take it to heart.
November 8, 2023
I love ideas for how to better care for pastors
April 8, 2020
Muchos olvidamos que el pastor es un pecador tan necesitado de la gracia como Nosotros
August 24, 2021
So, I came across this book in a charity shop in North Wales a few days ago. It's a fairly quick and easy read. There's nothing profound here, but then again, I've been in full-time pastoral ministry for 34 years. However, it deserves 5 ***** because it is a much-needed book. Basically it's like an extended "charge to the congregation" to care for their pastor, together with very practical directions on how to do so.
No-one can overemphasise the inordinate demands upon the lead pastor of a church (and I'd add, to all those set-apart to serve in the church, although there are unique pressures upon the man, and wife, who ultimately bear the full-weight of responsibility for the church, however well the leadership supports them).
Christopher Ash writes candidly, honestly, but realistically too about the responsibility the pastor has to accept - he's not advocating a pity party, and he doesn't encourage any kind of self-pity in the pastor. Quite right too.
For me, reading this at a point when I rapidly approach retirement from a long-term ministry, it has been hugely encouraging to reflect on how kind and lovingly our church has supported us. But it's also a helpful reminder of how best I can be a support to my pastor in days ahead when I'm a regular church member without leadership responsibilities.
I've learned a great deal from this helpful book, some of which challenges me to want to be more godly, and some of which causes me to thank God for the sheer privilege of being called to lead and care for the choicest people on earth.
No-one can overemphasise the inordinate demands upon the lead pastor of a church (and I'd add, to all those set-apart to serve in the church, although there are unique pressures upon the man, and wife, who ultimately bear the full-weight of responsibility for the church, however well the leadership supports them).
Christopher Ash writes candidly, honestly, but realistically too about the responsibility the pastor has to accept - he's not advocating a pity party, and he doesn't encourage any kind of self-pity in the pastor. Quite right too.
For me, reading this at a point when I rapidly approach retirement from a long-term ministry, it has been hugely encouraging to reflect on how kind and lovingly our church has supported us. But it's also a helpful reminder of how best I can be a support to my pastor in days ahead when I'm a regular church member without leadership responsibilities.
I've learned a great deal from this helpful book, some of which challenges me to want to be more godly, and some of which causes me to thank God for the sheer privilege of being called to lead and care for the choicest people on earth.
September 16, 2022
3 stars = good
A helpful reminder that we need to care for our pastors while they care for us, since after all, they are people too. Ash then gives some sage advice on how to do just that. It reminds me of the Jerry Maguire line, “Help me help you!”
There is a chapter on each of seven virtues;
-Daily repentance and eager faith
-Committed belonging
-Open honesty
-Thoughtful watchfulness
-Loving kindness
-High expectations
-Zealous submission
Here’s a quote:
“My sixth virtue is high expectations. The opposing vice is easy-going ‘tolerance.’ The virtue and vice are paradoxical. The vice is is to be easy on our pastors; the virtue is to expect the very highest standards from them. The paradox is this: if we are easy on them, and expect little of them, our pastors will know we don’t really care whether or not they do their work well. But if we expect the very highest standards of integrity and godliness from them, then they will know we care deeply about them and their work. Their job is indeed a noble task…and precisely because it is a noble task, it demands of its practitioners the very highest of standards.”
A helpful reminder that we need to care for our pastors while they care for us, since after all, they are people too. Ash then gives some sage advice on how to do just that. It reminds me of the Jerry Maguire line, “Help me help you!”
There is a chapter on each of seven virtues;
-Daily repentance and eager faith
-Committed belonging
-Open honesty
-Thoughtful watchfulness
-Loving kindness
-High expectations
-Zealous submission
Here’s a quote:
“My sixth virtue is high expectations. The opposing vice is easy-going ‘tolerance.’ The virtue and vice are paradoxical. The vice is is to be easy on our pastors; the virtue is to expect the very highest standards from them. The paradox is this: if we are easy on them, and expect little of them, our pastors will know we don’t really care whether or not they do their work well. But if we expect the very highest standards of integrity and godliness from them, then they will know we care deeply about them and their work. Their job is indeed a noble task…and precisely because it is a noble task, it demands of its practitioners the very highest of standards.”
December 25, 2021
This was excellent. Very easy to read and encouraging. If your pastor hands you this book and asks you to read it refrain from smirking inwardly (“Really? You want me to read a book about how to care for you?). Caring for our pastors is also caring for ourselves since they have been given the pastoral task of caring for our souls. We will benefit if we have (as much as possible) unburdened pastors.
July 13, 2020
This is a short book that’s easy to read. What Ash does in a thoroughly Biblical but also deeply relatable way is raise the questions we should be asking about our responsibility towards those the Lord has placed in authority over us. Ash returns often to Hebrews 13:17 to ask, in various ways, how our submission will lead to their joy, which in turn will lead to our advantage.
January 20, 2025
Simple yet convicting.
Ash takes Hebrews 13:17 and exposits the role church members play in the pastor’s work being a joy for them. He fleshes this out through 7 important applications for those to joyfully, not blindly, submit to their pastors. An easy read and a great read for many in the pews today.
Ash takes Hebrews 13:17 and exposits the role church members play in the pastor’s work being a joy for them. He fleshes this out through 7 important applications for those to joyfully, not blindly, submit to their pastors. An easy read and a great read for many in the pews today.
October 26, 2022
The title just about sums-up my thoughts on this book.
But while I'd love for my congregation to read it, truth be told: they are already doing an excellent job with many of the suggestions offered in this book.
Short and very readable.
But while I'd love for my congregation to read it, truth be told: they are already doing an excellent job with many of the suggestions offered in this book.
Short and very readable.
January 31, 2025
How you care for your pastor in a church is an important thing. It's a tough role and one that is often lonely, never keeping everyone happy.
So this short little book is a great primer on how to be a good congregation member.
So this short little book is a great primer on how to be a good congregation member.
July 1, 2019
Très bon livre, à lire par tous pour encourager nos pasteurs !
February 28, 2021
Excellent, practical book on how to care for, encourage and foster relationships with our pastors. A must read!!
July 22, 2019
Really easy to read and helpful to see the different experiences of how people in the church impact their pastors. Useful and honest tips, examples and insights.
January 2, 2022
I saw Tim Challies' review of this book and it made me curious. The book was written by a former pastor, Christopher Ash, and Tim Challies himself used to pastor a church. (Now I think his ministry is more online.) I feel that both men have experience in pastoring and in knowing how pastors would like to be supported.
Tim Challies' review can be found at, and I will write my own book review below.
https://www.challies.com/book-reviews...
I found the book short, very readable, and tied closely to scripture. While I don't think it said anything earth-shattering, it was still thought-provoking.
I'd rate this somewhere between a 4 and 5. It was a good read (4), but I don't know if I'd re-read it (5). I wouldn't seek it out to re-read it, but I would be willing to do it again if some class or group did it. There are very few books that I actually re-read.
The book kept coming back to this verse, "... they keep watch over you as those who must give an account. Do this so that their work will be a joy and not a burden, for that would be of no benefit to you." - Hebrews 13:17
I have pondered this verse before, in both ways. Where I've led (mostly children or teens, some women), I've wondered how I'm to eventually give an account and what is a reasonable expectation of myself as a leader. In particular, I've wondered how I'm to give an account for those who either wander away from the group or wander in and out of fellowship from it. I don't even know how to begin there. I'd do my best for them if they're present, but when they're not, I feel like there's not a lot I can do. There is reaching out to them, of course, and some situations make that easier or more difficult than others. I like groups where contact information is given up front so that I can actually do that ... call people to see if they are okay if they start missing more than occasionally.
And from the opposite end of things, I have thought of this verse as one under someone else's church authority. What would make their work a joy? That actually sounds a bit funny to me, as if any sort of work could always be a radiant joy, but there are important, positive moments that I wouldn't want to downplay.
I think I'd decided, for me, what would make leading me "a joy" would be if they wouldn't have to worry about me getting into some sort of trouble, be it a scandal or saying something inappropriate, or saying something truly heretical or divisive or overly political or gossiping, etc. I wouldn't want to be one of those church members that they'd really have to worry about, but I just sort of merrily went along doing what I'm supposed to be doing, so that we can join together as a group in worshiping God and helping others without really having to focus on me. Sigh. I think I *have* caused them worry, despite my best intentions, and of course, unintentionally. Some things are beyond my control, and life happens to us all.
So those were my thoughts on the verse prior to reading this book, and I appreciated Christopher Ash's additional thoughts on it. To my knowledge, I've not read anything by Christopher Ash before.
He had seven attitudes or virtues or attributes that he thinks would be encouraging to a pastor.
1. Daily repentance and eager faith.
2. Committed belonging
3. Open honesty
4. Thoughtful watchfulness
5. Loving kindness
6. High expectations
7. Zealous submission
1. Daily repentance and eager faith. I do have an eager faith. I find *daily* repentance harder, although I do allow God to change my mind on things as I search through scriptures or come across something that challenges me.
Several years ago, my women's ministry leader recommended a book I can no longer remember that spoke about the regular, nightly spiritual discipline of examining ourselves ("Search your hearts on your beds and be silent" Psalm 4:4 and "Examine yourselves to see if you are in the faith." 2 Cor. 13:5) I think such a practice can be crucial to spiritual growth.
I get the impression that very few people actually have a regular time of self-examination. People seem more likely these days to be defensive or feel offended or get angry.
2. Committed belonging. I liked this one, and that sometimes just showing up regularly is a ministry. I hadn't thought of it like that before. I think of attending as being for other purposes, but I am glad to include this one in the list.
I don't particularly let my pastor know when we're going to be out of town. (I have a feeling that might be discouraging if everyone did that.) But I do let small group leaders know.
3. Open honesty. This one involved telling a pastor when there's trouble brewing before it becomes too terrible, whether it's family trouble or church trouble. I think there's a balance there. We don't need to whine about every minor little bump in the road, but there is also a time to talk.
Christopher Ash also talked about people who "aim to impress their pastors with their piety but end up discouraging them... by our own shows of piety."
There has been a lot on the internet about "virtue-signaling" and people who brag or signal their virtue in some way by their posts, by supporting this or that cause, by volunteering here or there, by ... who knows what. I came to the conclusion thinking through this years ago that if I were so afraid that others would misinterpret my actions as mere "virtue-signaling" then I would never do anything or say anything, and that isn't right either.
I decided that one heart test of whether or not it was merely virtue-signaling was whether I would do the same thing in anonymity. If I normally do it anonymously, but occasionally invite others to join in ... whatever "it" is - attending church, volunteering somewhere - then it's probably not virtue signaling. If I have to announce it every time, then it probably is. And if someone somewhere thinks that my invitation to church is my own "virtue-signaling" then they'll just have to have that kind of impression of me.
I haven't really thought about virtue signaling as it relates to in-person relationships and trying to impress a church leader... If one of "my" kids talks about something they found in reading the Bible regularly, then I'm genuinely happy about it, not thinking that they're trying to show off for me. And I've also thought that oftentimes, very little children need to "show off" to a parent or teacher when they're doing the right thing before, eventually, developmentally, it can transfer over to doing the right thing for the right reasons. It doesn't bother me.
Do I try to show off my piety for my church leaders? Not really. I think I'm too busy trying to just live life to worry about showing off in anything.
4. Thoughtful watchfulness. I felt like this chapter was more for church decision-makers than for me - those who have influence in seeing that a pastor takes vacations, goes to conferences, takes care of himself. It felt like a chapter more for deacons or elders perhaps. It would just feel creepy in a "Big Brother" sort of way if I were to ask my pastor if he were taking his vitamins. Ha-ha
5. Loving kindness. This chapter was about showing a pastor and his family kindnesses during a crisis or a stressful time. It even had a list of ways to show kindnesses.
6. High expectations. This chapter was about expecting good stuff from a pastor and holding him accountable if he had an affair or ran off with the money or whatever. Uncomfortable situations, and again I felt like it was a chapter more for elders or deacons than for me.
7. Zealous submission. This chapter talked about how submission in any form is counter-cultural, and about groups that try to be either openly opposed to the pastor's plans or else subversive towards them. There are a lot of things in church life that I don't really care about. I don't care about whether the carpet is blue or green, or whether we use this or that method, or whether or not things are done the way they always were. I just don't care. The things I care about, I care about strongly - that the Bible is revered as God's Word, that it's actually taught, that people know how to be saved - the core, basic principles of Christianity.
"Some people are dreamers and visionaries who find it deeply uncongenial to sign up for another's leadership... They will be a pain in the pastor's neck." I'm not a visionary. Sometimes I have a harder time grasping the bigger, over-all picture. But, I can be a dreamer, off in my own little world, pondering this or that and trying to act accordingly, and, for the most part, not even caring whether other people are following my example or not. I figure that God's given people other gifts, talents, and passions and that they don't all have to be like mine. But I have a feeling that shepherding me might be much like herding cats as the saying goes, hard to get me to focus on what everyone else is doing together and why.
I loved Christopher Ash's prayers for pastors at the end of each chapter. They felt appropriate and heart-felt for pastors, as group as a whole.
Tim Challies' review can be found at, and I will write my own book review below.
https://www.challies.com/book-reviews...
I found the book short, very readable, and tied closely to scripture. While I don't think it said anything earth-shattering, it was still thought-provoking.
I'd rate this somewhere between a 4 and 5. It was a good read (4), but I don't know if I'd re-read it (5). I wouldn't seek it out to re-read it, but I would be willing to do it again if some class or group did it. There are very few books that I actually re-read.
The book kept coming back to this verse, "... they keep watch over you as those who must give an account. Do this so that their work will be a joy and not a burden, for that would be of no benefit to you." - Hebrews 13:17
I have pondered this verse before, in both ways. Where I've led (mostly children or teens, some women), I've wondered how I'm to eventually give an account and what is a reasonable expectation of myself as a leader. In particular, I've wondered how I'm to give an account for those who either wander away from the group or wander in and out of fellowship from it. I don't even know how to begin there. I'd do my best for them if they're present, but when they're not, I feel like there's not a lot I can do. There is reaching out to them, of course, and some situations make that easier or more difficult than others. I like groups where contact information is given up front so that I can actually do that ... call people to see if they are okay if they start missing more than occasionally.
And from the opposite end of things, I have thought of this verse as one under someone else's church authority. What would make their work a joy? That actually sounds a bit funny to me, as if any sort of work could always be a radiant joy, but there are important, positive moments that I wouldn't want to downplay.
I think I'd decided, for me, what would make leading me "a joy" would be if they wouldn't have to worry about me getting into some sort of trouble, be it a scandal or saying something inappropriate, or saying something truly heretical or divisive or overly political or gossiping, etc. I wouldn't want to be one of those church members that they'd really have to worry about, but I just sort of merrily went along doing what I'm supposed to be doing, so that we can join together as a group in worshiping God and helping others without really having to focus on me. Sigh. I think I *have* caused them worry, despite my best intentions, and of course, unintentionally. Some things are beyond my control, and life happens to us all.
So those were my thoughts on the verse prior to reading this book, and I appreciated Christopher Ash's additional thoughts on it. To my knowledge, I've not read anything by Christopher Ash before.
He had seven attitudes or virtues or attributes that he thinks would be encouraging to a pastor.
1. Daily repentance and eager faith.
2. Committed belonging
3. Open honesty
4. Thoughtful watchfulness
5. Loving kindness
6. High expectations
7. Zealous submission
1. Daily repentance and eager faith. I do have an eager faith. I find *daily* repentance harder, although I do allow God to change my mind on things as I search through scriptures or come across something that challenges me.
Several years ago, my women's ministry leader recommended a book I can no longer remember that spoke about the regular, nightly spiritual discipline of examining ourselves ("Search your hearts on your beds and be silent" Psalm 4:4 and "Examine yourselves to see if you are in the faith." 2 Cor. 13:5) I think such a practice can be crucial to spiritual growth.
I get the impression that very few people actually have a regular time of self-examination. People seem more likely these days to be defensive or feel offended or get angry.
2. Committed belonging. I liked this one, and that sometimes just showing up regularly is a ministry. I hadn't thought of it like that before. I think of attending as being for other purposes, but I am glad to include this one in the list.
I don't particularly let my pastor know when we're going to be out of town. (I have a feeling that might be discouraging if everyone did that.) But I do let small group leaders know.
3. Open honesty. This one involved telling a pastor when there's trouble brewing before it becomes too terrible, whether it's family trouble or church trouble. I think there's a balance there. We don't need to whine about every minor little bump in the road, but there is also a time to talk.
Christopher Ash also talked about people who "aim to impress their pastors with their piety but end up discouraging them... by our own shows of piety."
There has been a lot on the internet about "virtue-signaling" and people who brag or signal their virtue in some way by their posts, by supporting this or that cause, by volunteering here or there, by ... who knows what. I came to the conclusion thinking through this years ago that if I were so afraid that others would misinterpret my actions as mere "virtue-signaling" then I would never do anything or say anything, and that isn't right either.
I decided that one heart test of whether or not it was merely virtue-signaling was whether I would do the same thing in anonymity. If I normally do it anonymously, but occasionally invite others to join in ... whatever "it" is - attending church, volunteering somewhere - then it's probably not virtue signaling. If I have to announce it every time, then it probably is. And if someone somewhere thinks that my invitation to church is my own "virtue-signaling" then they'll just have to have that kind of impression of me.
I haven't really thought about virtue signaling as it relates to in-person relationships and trying to impress a church leader... If one of "my" kids talks about something they found in reading the Bible regularly, then I'm genuinely happy about it, not thinking that they're trying to show off for me. And I've also thought that oftentimes, very little children need to "show off" to a parent or teacher when they're doing the right thing before, eventually, developmentally, it can transfer over to doing the right thing for the right reasons. It doesn't bother me.
Do I try to show off my piety for my church leaders? Not really. I think I'm too busy trying to just live life to worry about showing off in anything.
4. Thoughtful watchfulness. I felt like this chapter was more for church decision-makers than for me - those who have influence in seeing that a pastor takes vacations, goes to conferences, takes care of himself. It felt like a chapter more for deacons or elders perhaps. It would just feel creepy in a "Big Brother" sort of way if I were to ask my pastor if he were taking his vitamins. Ha-ha
5. Loving kindness. This chapter was about showing a pastor and his family kindnesses during a crisis or a stressful time. It even had a list of ways to show kindnesses.
6. High expectations. This chapter was about expecting good stuff from a pastor and holding him accountable if he had an affair or ran off with the money or whatever. Uncomfortable situations, and again I felt like it was a chapter more for elders or deacons than for me.
7. Zealous submission. This chapter talked about how submission in any form is counter-cultural, and about groups that try to be either openly opposed to the pastor's plans or else subversive towards them. There are a lot of things in church life that I don't really care about. I don't care about whether the carpet is blue or green, or whether we use this or that method, or whether or not things are done the way they always were. I just don't care. The things I care about, I care about strongly - that the Bible is revered as God's Word, that it's actually taught, that people know how to be saved - the core, basic principles of Christianity.
"Some people are dreamers and visionaries who find it deeply uncongenial to sign up for another's leadership... They will be a pain in the pastor's neck." I'm not a visionary. Sometimes I have a harder time grasping the bigger, over-all picture. But, I can be a dreamer, off in my own little world, pondering this or that and trying to act accordingly, and, for the most part, not even caring whether other people are following my example or not. I figure that God's given people other gifts, talents, and passions and that they don't all have to be like mine. But I have a feeling that shepherding me might be much like herding cats as the saying goes, hard to get me to focus on what everyone else is doing together and why.
I loved Christopher Ash's prayers for pastors at the end of each chapter. They felt appropriate and heart-felt for pastors, as group as a whole.
January 10, 2020
I suspected what Christopher Ash’s book, The Book Your Pastor Wishes You Would Read (But is Too Embarrassed to Ask), and I was right – in a good way.
Ash begins by introducing us to ten ministers – pastor who sin, who have insecurities, who get overwhelmed, and so forth. The point being that “pastors are people too.”
Then he asked why a parishioner should want to care for his pastor. The answer is found is Hebrews 13:17 – if your pastor is overburdened, he won’t be of any benefit to you.
The bulk of the book is “seven virtues of church members that impact our pastors.”
1. Daily repentance and eager faith. Come to your pastor with your struggles and sin and be desirous of instruction from God’s Word and tell the pastor when he has done or said something right or helpful.
2. Committed belonging. We are not primarily consumers, but providers in our local church. So, as often as possible, we are to be involved in everything our church does, including the worship service.
3. Open Honesty. Be open and honest between church members and the pastor, and as much as possible, face to face.
4. Thoughtful Watchfulness. We are to keep a concerned watch – not a watch seeking to see the pastor fail – over the pastor’s life and doctrine. Not just inquiring of him and listening to his sermons, but allowing him time to read, to go to conferences, to have a study leave, a day(s) off, and vacations.
5. Loving kindness. The ministry takes a toll on a person. Our care for the pastor should reflect in his pay and housing.
6. High expectations. We ought to expect and example of striving after holiness and the presentation of biblical doctrine from our pastors. God holds them to higher standards and so should we. We out also protect them from false accusations.
7. Zealous submission. We ought to zealous follow our pastor’s lead (so long as it is biblical).
Ash then recommends that several people in the congregation self-consciously get to know the pastor and his family – befriend him – be a sounding board – people to have times of casual acquaintance with. In this chapter, he includes several questions that someone in the congregation should be able to answer about their pastor.
In the final chapter, he suggests that some churches will respond well to his thoughts, and others will rebel or be angry. For the latter, the pastor may find it time to move on.
This is both a sobering and encouraging book as I considered what I have done well and not well and how I perceive the same in my congregation. I will never forget – not to long into my ministry – when I asked the congregation to pray for me and for my striving after holiness during the sermon – and one dear woman, who I know cares for me very much, came up to me after worship and said, “I never thought about praying for you.”
There is a misperception of pastors being anywhere from sluggards to social workers to holy men – all of which are wrong. We need to fight for a correct understanding of the ministry, fight, as pastors to be holy and good undershepherds, and to teach our congregation how to care for us and why it is necessary. This book is a great place to start.
Interestingly, he says that most people should never know what the pastor’s salary is because that could cause unrealistic expectations (79). I’m not sure what I think of that. My salary and benefits have always been broken down in detail in our budget.
Read this book. Think it through. And then consider getting it for the congregation – even if it causes you some embarrassment.
[This review appears on my blog, Amazon.com, and Goodreads.com.]
Ash begins by introducing us to ten ministers – pastor who sin, who have insecurities, who get overwhelmed, and so forth. The point being that “pastors are people too.”
Then he asked why a parishioner should want to care for his pastor. The answer is found is Hebrews 13:17 – if your pastor is overburdened, he won’t be of any benefit to you.
The bulk of the book is “seven virtues of church members that impact our pastors.”
1. Daily repentance and eager faith. Come to your pastor with your struggles and sin and be desirous of instruction from God’s Word and tell the pastor when he has done or said something right or helpful.
2. Committed belonging. We are not primarily consumers, but providers in our local church. So, as often as possible, we are to be involved in everything our church does, including the worship service.
3. Open Honesty. Be open and honest between church members and the pastor, and as much as possible, face to face.
4. Thoughtful Watchfulness. We are to keep a concerned watch – not a watch seeking to see the pastor fail – over the pastor’s life and doctrine. Not just inquiring of him and listening to his sermons, but allowing him time to read, to go to conferences, to have a study leave, a day(s) off, and vacations.
5. Loving kindness. The ministry takes a toll on a person. Our care for the pastor should reflect in his pay and housing.
6. High expectations. We ought to expect and example of striving after holiness and the presentation of biblical doctrine from our pastors. God holds them to higher standards and so should we. We out also protect them from false accusations.
7. Zealous submission. We ought to zealous follow our pastor’s lead (so long as it is biblical).
Ash then recommends that several people in the congregation self-consciously get to know the pastor and his family – befriend him – be a sounding board – people to have times of casual acquaintance with. In this chapter, he includes several questions that someone in the congregation should be able to answer about their pastor.
In the final chapter, he suggests that some churches will respond well to his thoughts, and others will rebel or be angry. For the latter, the pastor may find it time to move on.
This is both a sobering and encouraging book as I considered what I have done well and not well and how I perceive the same in my congregation. I will never forget – not to long into my ministry – when I asked the congregation to pray for me and for my striving after holiness during the sermon – and one dear woman, who I know cares for me very much, came up to me after worship and said, “I never thought about praying for you.”
There is a misperception of pastors being anywhere from sluggards to social workers to holy men – all of which are wrong. We need to fight for a correct understanding of the ministry, fight, as pastors to be holy and good undershepherds, and to teach our congregation how to care for us and why it is necessary. This book is a great place to start.
Interestingly, he says that most people should never know what the pastor’s salary is because that could cause unrealistic expectations (79). I’m not sure what I think of that. My salary and benefits have always been broken down in detail in our budget.
Read this book. Think it through. And then consider getting it for the congregation – even if it causes you some embarrassment.
[This review appears on my blog, Amazon.com, and Goodreads.com.]
May 10, 2019
I thought this book would be an easy, good read. It was too easy that it was tough to finish, and it just wasn't that good.
Don't get me wrong, Ash makes excellent points. But after reading the intro, all the other chapters that I read were the same thing the intro had, or just weren't relevant to the point of the book.
The book isn't that long either, and because of the writing style and paragraph structure, it's not a hard read, if I had really forced myself, it would probably have taken me an hour to finish the whole thing.
A friend of mine put it best, it seems like something that could have been (or was) a blog post but his publisher wanted it as a book so he added filler. For instance, in a few chapters, he'd cover the point the chapter was setting out to make in 2 paragraphs, then the rest would go on to something else relating to being a good Christian.
As far as I could tell, almost everything boiled down to "come to church and don't be a jerk. Keep coming to church and remember your pastor is human and be a part of community because that makes the pastor happy." which ultimately boils down to "your pastor is happy when you're doing what we're called to do".
The paperback is about 130 pages, and both the kindle and paperback versions go for about $8, and aren't worth that. It's a long blog post.
I try to see the best in books, and this book has good in it. But there's no reason it had to be a book.
Don't get me wrong, Ash makes excellent points. But after reading the intro, all the other chapters that I read were the same thing the intro had, or just weren't relevant to the point of the book.
The book isn't that long either, and because of the writing style and paragraph structure, it's not a hard read, if I had really forced myself, it would probably have taken me an hour to finish the whole thing.
A friend of mine put it best, it seems like something that could have been (or was) a blog post but his publisher wanted it as a book so he added filler. For instance, in a few chapters, he'd cover the point the chapter was setting out to make in 2 paragraphs, then the rest would go on to something else relating to being a good Christian.
As far as I could tell, almost everything boiled down to "come to church and don't be a jerk. Keep coming to church and remember your pastor is human and be a part of community because that makes the pastor happy." which ultimately boils down to "your pastor is happy when you're doing what we're called to do".
The paperback is about 130 pages, and both the kindle and paperback versions go for about $8, and aren't worth that. It's a long blog post.
I try to see the best in books, and this book has good in it. But there's no reason it had to be a book.
November 14, 2019
As my dad's a pastor, didn't really think I needed to read it, but wanted a glimpse from the "outside".
In the end it gave me very helpful reminders too.
The chapter headings give a good summary of the things I should be doing as a lay member:
- Daily repentance and faith (Be a growing Christian)
- Belonging to the church (Be a committed member of the church body/family)
- Open Honesty (If you have problems with the pastor, or with your own sin)
- Thoughtful watchfulness (Support the pastor to grow in their own faith)
- Loving Kindness (Do small acts of kindness to show your love)
- High Expectations (Expect high standard of holiness, as this shows you care)
- Zealous Submission (The pastor is the leader, so let them lead)
I especially valued the prayers at the end of each chapter, asking God to help me put these things into practice.
In the end it gave me very helpful reminders too.
The chapter headings give a good summary of the things I should be doing as a lay member:
- Daily repentance and faith (Be a growing Christian)
- Belonging to the church (Be a committed member of the church body/family)
- Open Honesty (If you have problems with the pastor, or with your own sin)
- Thoughtful watchfulness (Support the pastor to grow in their own faith)
- Loving Kindness (Do small acts of kindness to show your love)
- High Expectations (Expect high standard of holiness, as this shows you care)
- Zealous Submission (The pastor is the leader, so let them lead)
I especially valued the prayers at the end of each chapter, asking God to help me put these things into practice.
September 20, 2019
This great little book just reminds us again that pastors are not super human, above it all people. They are normal people, dealing with normal problems needing normal individuals to help them as members of their church and as friends to help them lead the church by supporting, encouraging and sometimes confronting them when the need is required.
October 4, 2023
An excellent little book on how to be a good church member.
I think that any christian would benefit from reading this.
I think that any christian would benefit from reading this.
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