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If Only: Living in the Shadows of the Moors Murders
On Boxing Day 1964 10-year-old Lesley Ann Downey left home to go to the fair. Her older brother, Terry did not go with her because he was ill with flu. Not accompanying her on that fateful day would haunt Terry for the rest of his life. Lesley was abducted by Moors murderers, Ian Brady and Myra Hindley. This is their heart-breaking story, told by Terry. This fascinating and tragic story also includes family photographs and letters from Ian Brady and Myra Hindley.
272 pages, Kindle Edition
Published December 14, 2018
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February 7, 2019
A well written account of a loving family broken apart by the Moors Murder,Terry West did a great job writing this book letting the reader know of the tragedy of the loss of his murdered sister Lesley and the impact on the family after his missing sister was eventually found.. The loss of Lesley affected every member of the family in ways hard to imagine by someone on the outside. I have much respect for Terry and how much his family had to endure then in 1964 and now some 55 years later. i applaud his courage to come forward with this book.Much respect to Terry West and family. and lots of love for members of his family that have now passed.. Mother,Ann, brother,Tommy, niece Kimberly brother Brett and step- father Alan.
April 21, 2025
A raw, powerful book.
The name Lesley Ann Downy was unfamiliar to me, as I suspect it would be to most North Americans. The "Moors Murders" sounds like a Sherlock Holmes story. But to older people in England, Lesley's name is instantly associated with brutal crimes that shocked the nation and brought about the end of innocence and security.
Ten-year-old Lesley was taken from the Silcock Wonder Fair, a Boxing Day tradition in the Manchester suburb where her family lived. Normally, she would have gone with her 14-year-old brother Terry and returned after a few hours with stories of rides and excitement. Terry was sick and she set out with her younger brother Tommy, planning to meet up with a friend and the friend's mother. If only.
The friend's mother was tired from Christmas celebrations and let the two girls go alone. They were supposed to be back before dark and in 1964 parents felt safe letting youngsters walk to a neighborhood fair alone. If only.
When Lesley failed to return home before dark, her mother went house to house, then to the police station to report her missing. The police politely told her that Lesley was bound to show up soon, but to come back if she wasn't home by 11 pm. The family searched the fairgrounds and even abandoned buildings on their own. Police departments then were casual about missing children. If only.
Lesley never came home and in October, 1965, her body was found in a shallow grave on Saddleworth Moor north of Manchester. From 1963 to 1965, at least five children and teens were abducted and murdered in the area, but no one connected the dots. Each case was investigated separately and parents weren't warned that there was a serial killer operating in Manchester. If only.
I'm self-conscious about giving this book a four-star rating. It's not professionally written, but it may have struck me so powerfully for that reason. Terry Downy West (he later adopted his step-father's name) wasn't trying to write a polished book. He was trying to explain how a murder affects the entire family like a rock tossed into a still pond. In the case of Lesley's murder, the ripples are still very much in evidence, almost 70 years later.
Maybe you had to grow up as an oldest child in the days of large families to understand the responsibility Terry felt for his younger siblings and the guilt he has carried all his life for "failing" to protect his little sister. Maybe you had to grow up in a working class family at a time when people had fewer material possessions and were generally content with less.
There's lots of irony in Terry's story. The Downy family (divorced mother Ann Downy, Terry, Lesley, and two younger brothers) were homeless after the parents' marriage broke up. But Ann Downy was a fearless fighter and she keep up the pressure on the local housing council until she finally got her family into acceptable housing. It certainly wasn't luxurious. Two bedrooms and one bath for five people. No phone. No car. But there was a Christmas tree in 1964 and presents under it. Lesley was kidnapped and murdered one day later. Irony.
Ann's boyfriend Alan West brightened the family's circumstances. He was a truck driver and his money meant a few luxuries. He took over the role of father to the children. When Lesley's body was found, he was the one who comforted the children while Ann was lost in her misery and numbed from the medicines prescribed for her. And yet Alan was Suspect #1 in the minds of the police. He and Ann were interrogated separately in an attempt to get them to contradict each other. Eight-year-old Tommy was dragged to the police station in his pajamas in hopes that he would say something to incriminate Alan. Irony.
Eventually, Ian Brady and his girlfriend Myra Hindley were arrested and charged with the murders of Lesley and two others. All were tortured and sexually assaulted before they were killed. Brady had Myra Hindley photograph him torturing Lesley and tape her pleas for help and cries of pain. The discovery of this evidence caused horror and revulsion across the nation. There were demands that the vicious murderers pay the ultimate price for their crimes, but it never happened. Only eleven days before Brady and Hindley were charged with their crimes Parliament passed a law abolishing the death penalty. Irony.
With the family still reeling from grief, Ian Brady's brother-in-law forced his way into their house, supposedly to "comfort" them. There was evidence that he had been involved in at least some of the crimes. Hauntingly, he looked at Terry and blurted out, "Doesn't he look like Lesley?" The family was stunned, convinced his recognition meant that he saw Lesley before her death. But the decision had been made not to charge him and there was nothing they could do about it. Irony.
Years later, after Ann's death, a young woman obsessed with the Moors Murders would worm her way into Alan's home and cause the deaths of two family members, one of them a young child. Irony.
There were so many ways that this story resonated with me, but the strongest is that it forcefully explains WHY the families of murder victims keep fighting and pushing themselves into the public eye. They aren't crazy or obsessive or hungry for attention. They're fighting to preserve the memory of the innocent victim. For no matter how brutal and disgusting the crime, in a few years some people forget the victim and transfer their sympathy to the murderer.
Myra Hindley was nearly released from prison by a politician who claimed that she was a changed woman. That she wasn't really responsible for the crimes. That she had suffered enough and should be released. Ann Downy and the families of the other victims refused to give up the fight and they successfully kept Hindley in prison until her death in 2002.
Ian Brady showed no remorse for his actions. A sadistic sociopath, obsessed with violent movies and Nazi literature, he was determined to commit a "perfect murder." His only complaint was that he was sentenced to a hospital for the criminally insane. He objected to being labeled insane. In his mind, he was simply smarter than others and his victims were unimportant compared to his own need to inflict pain. Sadly, he had admirers and those who excused his crimes, but the victims' families were able to prevent him from profiting from the publicity.
After Ann's death, Terry West reluctantly took her place. As he explains patiently, "If you participate, you at least have a say." Otherwise, the murderers take the spotlight while the silent victims are forgotten. Ian Brady lived to be 79 years old. His oldest victim was 17. His youngest was 10-year-old Lesley. The ultimate irony.
I don't know when I've read a book that touched me so deeply or left me with so much to think about. Terry West has performed the last service for his beloved little sister. He's reminded us that SHE is the one who should be remembered.
The name Lesley Ann Downy was unfamiliar to me, as I suspect it would be to most North Americans. The "Moors Murders" sounds like a Sherlock Holmes story. But to older people in England, Lesley's name is instantly associated with brutal crimes that shocked the nation and brought about the end of innocence and security.
Ten-year-old Lesley was taken from the Silcock Wonder Fair, a Boxing Day tradition in the Manchester suburb where her family lived. Normally, she would have gone with her 14-year-old brother Terry and returned after a few hours with stories of rides and excitement. Terry was sick and she set out with her younger brother Tommy, planning to meet up with a friend and the friend's mother. If only.
The friend's mother was tired from Christmas celebrations and let the two girls go alone. They were supposed to be back before dark and in 1964 parents felt safe letting youngsters walk to a neighborhood fair alone. If only.
When Lesley failed to return home before dark, her mother went house to house, then to the police station to report her missing. The police politely told her that Lesley was bound to show up soon, but to come back if she wasn't home by 11 pm. The family searched the fairgrounds and even abandoned buildings on their own. Police departments then were casual about missing children. If only.
Lesley never came home and in October, 1965, her body was found in a shallow grave on Saddleworth Moor north of Manchester. From 1963 to 1965, at least five children and teens were abducted and murdered in the area, but no one connected the dots. Each case was investigated separately and parents weren't warned that there was a serial killer operating in Manchester. If only.
I'm self-conscious about giving this book a four-star rating. It's not professionally written, but it may have struck me so powerfully for that reason. Terry Downy West (he later adopted his step-father's name) wasn't trying to write a polished book. He was trying to explain how a murder affects the entire family like a rock tossed into a still pond. In the case of Lesley's murder, the ripples are still very much in evidence, almost 70 years later.
Maybe you had to grow up as an oldest child in the days of large families to understand the responsibility Terry felt for his younger siblings and the guilt he has carried all his life for "failing" to protect his little sister. Maybe you had to grow up in a working class family at a time when people had fewer material possessions and were generally content with less.
There's lots of irony in Terry's story. The Downy family (divorced mother Ann Downy, Terry, Lesley, and two younger brothers) were homeless after the parents' marriage broke up. But Ann Downy was a fearless fighter and she keep up the pressure on the local housing council until she finally got her family into acceptable housing. It certainly wasn't luxurious. Two bedrooms and one bath for five people. No phone. No car. But there was a Christmas tree in 1964 and presents under it. Lesley was kidnapped and murdered one day later. Irony.
Ann's boyfriend Alan West brightened the family's circumstances. He was a truck driver and his money meant a few luxuries. He took over the role of father to the children. When Lesley's body was found, he was the one who comforted the children while Ann was lost in her misery and numbed from the medicines prescribed for her. And yet Alan was Suspect #1 in the minds of the police. He and Ann were interrogated separately in an attempt to get them to contradict each other. Eight-year-old Tommy was dragged to the police station in his pajamas in hopes that he would say something to incriminate Alan. Irony.
Eventually, Ian Brady and his girlfriend Myra Hindley were arrested and charged with the murders of Lesley and two others. All were tortured and sexually assaulted before they were killed. Brady had Myra Hindley photograph him torturing Lesley and tape her pleas for help and cries of pain. The discovery of this evidence caused horror and revulsion across the nation. There were demands that the vicious murderers pay the ultimate price for their crimes, but it never happened. Only eleven days before Brady and Hindley were charged with their crimes Parliament passed a law abolishing the death penalty. Irony.
With the family still reeling from grief, Ian Brady's brother-in-law forced his way into their house, supposedly to "comfort" them. There was evidence that he had been involved in at least some of the crimes. Hauntingly, he looked at Terry and blurted out, "Doesn't he look like Lesley?" The family was stunned, convinced his recognition meant that he saw Lesley before her death. But the decision had been made not to charge him and there was nothing they could do about it. Irony.
Years later, after Ann's death, a young woman obsessed with the Moors Murders would worm her way into Alan's home and cause the deaths of two family members, one of them a young child. Irony.
There were so many ways that this story resonated with me, but the strongest is that it forcefully explains WHY the families of murder victims keep fighting and pushing themselves into the public eye. They aren't crazy or obsessive or hungry for attention. They're fighting to preserve the memory of the innocent victim. For no matter how brutal and disgusting the crime, in a few years some people forget the victim and transfer their sympathy to the murderer.
Myra Hindley was nearly released from prison by a politician who claimed that she was a changed woman. That she wasn't really responsible for the crimes. That she had suffered enough and should be released. Ann Downy and the families of the other victims refused to give up the fight and they successfully kept Hindley in prison until her death in 2002.
Ian Brady showed no remorse for his actions. A sadistic sociopath, obsessed with violent movies and Nazi literature, he was determined to commit a "perfect murder." His only complaint was that he was sentenced to a hospital for the criminally insane. He objected to being labeled insane. In his mind, he was simply smarter than others and his victims were unimportant compared to his own need to inflict pain. Sadly, he had admirers and those who excused his crimes, but the victims' families were able to prevent him from profiting from the publicity.
After Ann's death, Terry West reluctantly took her place. As he explains patiently, "If you participate, you at least have a say." Otherwise, the murderers take the spotlight while the silent victims are forgotten. Ian Brady lived to be 79 years old. His oldest victim was 17. His youngest was 10-year-old Lesley. The ultimate irony.
I don't know when I've read a book that touched me so deeply or left me with so much to think about. Terry West has performed the last service for his beloved little sister. He's reminded us that SHE is the one who should be remembered.
July 26, 2022
A tribute to a sister
Terry leaves nothing to the imagination and wears his heart on his sleeve in the telling of this story. I have read several books and watched many documentaries on this tragedy but none express it better. What Terry and his family had to suffer through, and continue to, is a true testament for the love that they had for Lesley. Sadly the calamities didn't end but Terry dealt with them with a spirit that one can only admire. May you have love and joy for the rest of your lives.
Terry leaves nothing to the imagination and wears his heart on his sleeve in the telling of this story. I have read several books and watched many documentaries on this tragedy but none express it better. What Terry and his family had to suffer through, and continue to, is a true testament for the love that they had for Lesley. Sadly the calamities didn't end but Terry dealt with them with a spirit that one can only admire. May you have love and joy for the rest of your lives.
January 20, 2020
This was a harrowing account by someone always affected by what Brady and Hindley chose to enact upon his family. It made for some very sad reading when you get to learn the ramifications that follow down the decades. However, I did think Terry maybe blamed a bit too much of the family's misfortune on them. Much of what is written here became a little too repetitive for me, too. I well remember his mum and interviews I saw with her across the years. Also Winnie Johnson and Terry Kilbride I've seen, too. It was so bloody sad they never found Keith before Winnie died, let alone still haven't located him. Just too awful for words, him up there all on his own for over half a century now.....
I disagree with Terry's belief that Dave Smith was involved with Lesley's murder, too. He based this upon the fact that Smith commented that he looked like her. Well, the whole world knew by the time of this remark what Lesley looked like !!
The book could definitely do with some professional editing and a paring-down process. He's not good with hyphens, missing them off (say so, knock on) or misusing (pre-cursor, co-incidence) them. Same for apostrophes.
Some spellings made me gasp as well.....wile not while, balling not bawling, sewed not sowed, waiver not waver, chord not cord, stationery not stationary, passed not past, spec not speck, lent not leant, ther not there, whimpering not wimping, scarring not scaring, pouring not poring, bought not brought and moths not months !! That's a hell of a lot of spelling errors someone needed to correct which all pretty obvious to me ! One cost him a star all by itself, too, when his niece morphed from Kimberley to Kimberely ! On the very last page he referred to a ten year old not going to the fair, too, when it was the fourteen year old who stayed home. Many sentences had words missing, though I know a lot can be attributed to the the digital formatting process. Seems nobody bothers checking post-formatting, however. Such a pity as it only needs a bit of tidying up and correction to fix it up.
Let's hope it helped Terry get past some of the demons he lives with a little by putting everything down on paper.
I disagree with Terry's belief that Dave Smith was involved with Lesley's murder, too. He based this upon the fact that Smith commented that he looked like her. Well, the whole world knew by the time of this remark what Lesley looked like !!
The book could definitely do with some professional editing and a paring-down process. He's not good with hyphens, missing them off (say so, knock on) or misusing (pre-cursor, co-incidence) them. Same for apostrophes.
Some spellings made me gasp as well.....wile not while, balling not bawling, sewed not sowed, waiver not waver, chord not cord, stationery not stationary, passed not past, spec not speck, lent not leant, ther not there, whimpering not wimping, scarring not scaring, pouring not poring, bought not brought and moths not months !! That's a hell of a lot of spelling errors someone needed to correct which all pretty obvious to me ! One cost him a star all by itself, too, when his niece morphed from Kimberley to Kimberely ! On the very last page he referred to a ten year old not going to the fair, too, when it was the fourteen year old who stayed home. Many sentences had words missing, though I know a lot can be attributed to the the digital formatting process. Seems nobody bothers checking post-formatting, however. Such a pity as it only needs a bit of tidying up and correction to fix it up.
Let's hope it helped Terry get past some of the demons he lives with a little by putting everything down on paper.
January 24, 2024
Just Heartbreaking
January 31, 2020
Heartbreaking and at times hard to read, but it is written from the heart. Terry blames himself for the loss of his sister Lesley , (he had the Flu so couldn't go to the fair) and he tells how he and his family tried to understand what the vile monsters Hindley and Bradey did to their family
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March 1, 2023Monsters are everywhere everyday
Going to the fair on that boxing day does not mean that Lesley would have been out of reach from the monsters that took her. Would she have held on to Terry's hand every second they were there? Who's hand would Lesley be holding when she went to the corner shop, gone out to play or walked to school and back? Nobody could have prevented Lesley from falling into the hands of those monsters, they were on the prowl for a young innocent little girl and they took Lesley. I hate to say it but if it hadn't been Lesley then it would have been another little girl and another family's nightmare. No little girl or boy deserves to be victims of the low life monsters who do not deserve their names to be mentioned. Now they have crawled back to hell there is no doubt the devil will release more of his monsters on the innocent.
There is no guarantee Terry that had you been there you could have prevented it happening.
Going to the fair on that boxing day does not mean that Lesley would have been out of reach from the monsters that took her. Would she have held on to Terry's hand every second they were there? Who's hand would Lesley be holding when she went to the corner shop, gone out to play or walked to school and back? Nobody could have prevented Lesley from falling into the hands of those monsters, they were on the prowl for a young innocent little girl and they took Lesley. I hate to say it but if it hadn't been Lesley then it would have been another little girl and another family's nightmare. No little girl or boy deserves to be victims of the low life monsters who do not deserve their names to be mentioned. Now they have crawled back to hell there is no doubt the devil will release more of his monsters on the innocent.
There is no guarantee Terry that had you been there you could have prevented it happening.
September 26, 2019
So terribly sad!
This is a tough book to review! It needs a lot of editing, yet I’m loath to suggest just anyone touch it because it’s such an incredibly raw story and I believe those are deeply lacking in this world. It’s one of those books that tell the whole story, a deeply sad, shocking story, straight from the inside and the closet person to the actual event. Nothing can take away Terry’s guilt, but for him to take the story back from the world is a gift to Lesley and to his whole family. Well done Terry!!
This is a tough book to review! It needs a lot of editing, yet I’m loath to suggest just anyone touch it because it’s such an incredibly raw story and I believe those are deeply lacking in this world. It’s one of those books that tell the whole story, a deeply sad, shocking story, straight from the inside and the closet person to the actual event. Nothing can take away Terry’s guilt, but for him to take the story back from the world is a gift to Lesley and to his whole family. Well done Terry!!
August 8, 2025
'If Only' is a book written by Terry West, one of the brothers of Lesley Ann Downey, who was the second-to-last victim of Ian Brady and Myra Hindley, whose crimes were dubbed the 'Moors Murders.'
Lesley was just 10 years old when she was taken from a funfair on Boxing Day 1965 by Brady and Hindley and driven to their home, where she was subject to the most horrible treatment leading up to her murder. How anyone could do that is incomprehensible to me. It always will be.
Terry's book was always going to be emotional to read. Like so many people, I wanted to plead with him to believe that it was not his fault that Lesley was murdered by those two. At the time, as a young lad, he was ill when Lesley went to the fair, so he stayed at home; otherwise, he would have accompanied her. It breaks my heart that this man blamed himself for what happened until his death.
He writes, in great detail, about Lesley's disappearance and how his poor mother's life was torn apart by losing her only daughter. She had to see the horrible pictures that Brady and Hindley took of her before her end, not to mention having to listen to a horrific tape recording of her begging them to let her go home to 'mummy.'
What I found particularly interesting was reading about the years after Lesley's murder. Tragedy followed this poor family for decades. It angers me that Hindely was always campaigning for freedom. Likewise, Brady, who repeatedly complained about his treatment in prison and then in a mental hospital, while all the while, this family had been torn apart, tormented by what had happened to their little loved one.
I have to say, however, I don't think Terry had any reason to suspect that David Smith, Hindely's brother-in-law, was in any way involved in Leslsey's murder. There were not four voices on that tape, only three, the killers and poor little Lesley. Also, he appears to have believed a lot of what his mum told him. I have a lot of respect for Mrs. West and fully supported her long fight in doing everything possible to keep Myra Hindley behind bars. But, she did not come face to face with her at Hindley's sister's funeral, because Hindley never went. The woman who Ann mistook for her was in fact another family member. That and a few other things in this book make it difficult for me to give it five stars, as much as I'd like to.
I fully understand that this poor man and his family were put through hell by what happened to Lesley. But I do think Terry's co-writer should have checked some of the facts first and then tried to explain them to Terry. That said, 'If Only' is still a well-written, raw and powerful work. Both men did Lesley Ann proud.
Tragically, Terry died a few years after he finally found the strength to put his painful story to paper, and my thoughts are with the remaining family members. 'If Only' is a very emotional read, but it should hit home to people reading that there are so many victims of one crime. Brady and Hindley are both dead, but the legacy of their despicable crimes still lives on. Rest in Peace, Mr West!
Lesley was just 10 years old when she was taken from a funfair on Boxing Day 1965 by Brady and Hindley and driven to their home, where she was subject to the most horrible treatment leading up to her murder. How anyone could do that is incomprehensible to me. It always will be.
Terry's book was always going to be emotional to read. Like so many people, I wanted to plead with him to believe that it was not his fault that Lesley was murdered by those two. At the time, as a young lad, he was ill when Lesley went to the fair, so he stayed at home; otherwise, he would have accompanied her. It breaks my heart that this man blamed himself for what happened until his death.
He writes, in great detail, about Lesley's disappearance and how his poor mother's life was torn apart by losing her only daughter. She had to see the horrible pictures that Brady and Hindley took of her before her end, not to mention having to listen to a horrific tape recording of her begging them to let her go home to 'mummy.'
What I found particularly interesting was reading about the years after Lesley's murder. Tragedy followed this poor family for decades. It angers me that Hindely was always campaigning for freedom. Likewise, Brady, who repeatedly complained about his treatment in prison and then in a mental hospital, while all the while, this family had been torn apart, tormented by what had happened to their little loved one.
I have to say, however, I don't think Terry had any reason to suspect that David Smith, Hindely's brother-in-law, was in any way involved in Leslsey's murder. There were not four voices on that tape, only three, the killers and poor little Lesley. Also, he appears to have believed a lot of what his mum told him. I have a lot of respect for Mrs. West and fully supported her long fight in doing everything possible to keep Myra Hindley behind bars. But, she did not come face to face with her at Hindley's sister's funeral, because Hindley never went. The woman who Ann mistook for her was in fact another family member. That and a few other things in this book make it difficult for me to give it five stars, as much as I'd like to.
I fully understand that this poor man and his family were put through hell by what happened to Lesley. But I do think Terry's co-writer should have checked some of the facts first and then tried to explain them to Terry. That said, 'If Only' is still a well-written, raw and powerful work. Both men did Lesley Ann proud.
Tragically, Terry died a few years after he finally found the strength to put his painful story to paper, and my thoughts are with the remaining family members. 'If Only' is a very emotional read, but it should hit home to people reading that there are so many victims of one crime. Brady and Hindley are both dead, but the legacy of their despicable crimes still lives on. Rest in Peace, Mr West!
January 12, 2021
First book of the year checked off. Much of the credit for the writing of this certainly goes to the ghost writer for capturing this rather wrenching and raw account of one man’s reckoning with one regret that shaped his entire youth at age fourteen and the rest of his life thereafter, but discovering depths of my own empathy and sympathy through Mr. West’s story is a huge testament why I prefer non-fiction to fiction. I’ll spare the back story, lest I sully any pleasantness in your day, but I don’t think any grief I had or will have will come close to this man’s. A man robbed of his ten year old sister on account of two monsters, while blaming himself for being too sick to accompany her to a fair on Boxing Day in 1964. It robbed him of his mother’s love, as she used it all up on grief and duty to her daughter, and the unfolding story that shocked Manchester and the rest of Britain in the 1960s would further sprout other vile players in his life. From his sister’s killers to the media to those who fought tirelessly to secure the release of one of the murderers (I.e. Lord Longford, Janie Jones) on account of the disgusting notions of vicarious and itemized redemption. Nearly six full decades later, burying the rest of his family after long emotional battles with the after effects of that Boxing Day, he’s able to at least have some measure of satisfaction that he outlived the last of his sister’s murderers, authorities tossing the body in the same morgue as that of the Manchester bomber of an Ariana Grande concert in 2017 for perspective of the timeline. Picking my jaw up off the floor after going on this haunting expedition, I don’t think I’ll ever come close to reading a book like this again.
May 2, 2022
Tragedy Upon Tragedy
I won't say I enjoyed this book for the precious life of little Lesley Anne Downey, taken by evil is not something ANY sane human being could enjoy reading about! I had heard about this case years ago and I had shivered even then and wondered how horrible it must be for those closest to her. I have read true crime books before, but never from such an "inside perspective." That alone makes this book unique and worth reading.
Lesley was kidnapped and brutally assaulted, tortured and killed on Boxing Day as she attended an annual fair. Normally, her brother Terry would have been with her but he was still unwell from the flu. To me, that was the second in a series of tragedies spanning decades because Terry was NOT at fault. He, in fact, could easily have been another victim -- doubling the family's grief. This family was never again the same after their little girl's death in the 60's. How could anyone be the same after that?
I found the book to be detailed but not in terms of exactly what happened to young Lesley. In my opinion, people don't need to know those things and the author did justice and honor to his little sister's memory by NOT focusing on the acts done to her but rather who she was, who she might have been, the impact on their parents, his stepfather, siblings, the author's children and future generations as well as the evil perpetrators and the slow wheels of the criminal justice system.
I am not a vindictive person but those who carried out such despicable acts are hopefully facing REAL justice now!
I won't say I enjoyed this book for the precious life of little Lesley Anne Downey, taken by evil is not something ANY sane human being could enjoy reading about! I had heard about this case years ago and I had shivered even then and wondered how horrible it must be for those closest to her. I have read true crime books before, but never from such an "inside perspective." That alone makes this book unique and worth reading.
Lesley was kidnapped and brutally assaulted, tortured and killed on Boxing Day as she attended an annual fair. Normally, her brother Terry would have been with her but he was still unwell from the flu. To me, that was the second in a series of tragedies spanning decades because Terry was NOT at fault. He, in fact, could easily have been another victim -- doubling the family's grief. This family was never again the same after their little girl's death in the 60's. How could anyone be the same after that?
I found the book to be detailed but not in terms of exactly what happened to young Lesley. In my opinion, people don't need to know those things and the author did justice and honor to his little sister's memory by NOT focusing on the acts done to her but rather who she was, who she might have been, the impact on their parents, his stepfather, siblings, the author's children and future generations as well as the evil perpetrators and the slow wheels of the criminal justice system.
I am not a vindictive person but those who carried out such despicable acts are hopefully facing REAL justice now!
November 8, 2024
If you live in the UK I bet you’ve heard of the “Moors Murders”. To be fair, if your not from the UK then you’ve probably heard of them!
This is a heartbreaking story about a brother who is guilt ridden by his sisters murder at the hands of two horrendous human beings and his story of living under the spotlight of the “moors murders”!
So much tragedy and loss for one family throughout this book that your heart ACHES for them.
Whilst reading this memoir you see how savage the press are (yes I get it’s their job but come on - Wowzers - they just take it to far sometimes), you see how someone’s religious beliefs can take a HUGE wallop when something tragic happens, you also see how people can’t be trusted, how families survive through tradegy.
There is also some lovely photos that are slotted into this book that I think are so genuinely touching I spent a good few minutes looking at these alone.
Rest In peace to Little Lesley 🫶🏻
This is a heartbreaking story about a brother who is guilt ridden by his sisters murder at the hands of two horrendous human beings and his story of living under the spotlight of the “moors murders”!
So much tragedy and loss for one family throughout this book that your heart ACHES for them.
Whilst reading this memoir you see how savage the press are (yes I get it’s their job but come on - Wowzers - they just take it to far sometimes), you see how someone’s religious beliefs can take a HUGE wallop when something tragic happens, you also see how people can’t be trusted, how families survive through tradegy.
There is also some lovely photos that are slotted into this book that I think are so genuinely touching I spent a good few minutes looking at these alone.
Rest In peace to Little Lesley 🫶🏻
July 20, 2025
This is such a heartbreaking and shattering read. I found this book very hard to read as it was so tragic. I really felt sorry for Terry and what his whole family had to go through. This is such a in depth read into what happened to his sister Leslie and what them monsters did to the other poor children as well. I felt sorri that Terry had to outlive most of his family and bury them all. Terry has been through so much in his life and I am surprised he is still alive after all the heartbreak he has lived through. This is such a in debt and row insight into the life and loss of people. Terry wrote this book with so much love and compassion xxx
June 5, 2019
A heartbreaking read
Such poignant words from a man who has suffered his whole life from the actions of others. This is not just a book about the murder of Lesley Ann Downey (West), it is a book about the ripple effect that tragedy and trauma inflicts on you. It is so difficult to imagine living a life filled with guilt and what ifs, but that’s exactly what this author has done. Beautifully written, no circus for his tragedy, just one mans account of how his life was shattered by the abduction and murder of his younger sister and the consequences that followed thereafter.
Such poignant words from a man who has suffered his whole life from the actions of others. This is not just a book about the murder of Lesley Ann Downey (West), it is a book about the ripple effect that tragedy and trauma inflicts on you. It is so difficult to imagine living a life filled with guilt and what ifs, but that’s exactly what this author has done. Beautifully written, no circus for his tragedy, just one mans account of how his life was shattered by the abduction and murder of his younger sister and the consequences that followed thereafter.
May 1, 2023
Devastating
That poor family and the toll it took on their lives. I hope all can find peace. The only people who are to blame are the monsters. Those who can torture and murder children. Then torment some of the families not giving them their children’s bodies for a proper burial. A place to visit and lay flowers. This story is raw and heartbreaking and I am of that age to remember. It changed all our lives no playing outside unless in a group. Plus many other curbs on our freedom.
I hope the families at last can find some peace.
That poor family and the toll it took on their lives. I hope all can find peace. The only people who are to blame are the monsters. Those who can torture and murder children. Then torment some of the families not giving them their children’s bodies for a proper burial. A place to visit and lay flowers. This story is raw and heartbreaking and I am of that age to remember. It changed all our lives no playing outside unless in a group. Plus many other curbs on our freedom.
I hope the families at last can find some peace.
June 16, 2019
Beautifully written
A beautiful book written by a survivor. The story itself is heartbreaking however it shows how strong a human being can be when they have no other option. The writing style really touches the heart. There is a lot of existential thinking parts which truly show that the writer has been to the dark side and back again in life. Loved this book and it definitely deserves more than 5 stars x
A beautiful book written by a survivor. The story itself is heartbreaking however it shows how strong a human being can be when they have no other option. The writing style really touches the heart. There is a lot of existential thinking parts which truly show that the writer has been to the dark side and back again in life. Loved this book and it definitely deserves more than 5 stars x
June 22, 2019
Lesleyann
Reading this my heart goes out to a young boy who has for the last 40 + years blamed himself for what happened to his sister this was heartbreaking to read I was 11 when this happened and I can remember my mam and auntie watching the news hoping that little girl was found then they lived through the court case of these scum it affected every parent in the country .this is a must read read 5 STARS.
Reading this my heart goes out to a young boy who has for the last 40 + years blamed himself for what happened to his sister this was heartbreaking to read I was 11 when this happened and I can remember my mam and auntie watching the news hoping that little girl was found then they lived through the court case of these scum it affected every parent in the country .this is a must read read 5 STARS.
July 18, 2019
An emotional look at the survivors guilt suffered by the brother of Lesley Ann Downey
I read many crime books and it a easy to not focus on the victim and rather the crime but reading it from the victims families point of view makes this heartbreaking I'm a resident of Manchester and went school with Terrys niece Lesley Tommy daughter all I can say is I wish him well for the future and I hope better things are ahead very good read but emotional.
I read many crime books and it a easy to not focus on the victim and rather the crime but reading it from the victims families point of view makes this heartbreaking I'm a resident of Manchester and went school with Terrys niece Lesley Tommy daughter all I can say is I wish him well for the future and I hope better things are ahead very good read but emotional.
June 26, 2019
Terry West Of Only
Definitely a no brainer 5stars he has the unique ability to make the reader feel that they are there and as such you can almost experience the horror smell the fear and taste the hopelessness regarding Lesleys disappearance and finally the frustration of being played by two psychopaths highly recommended
Definitely a no brainer 5stars he has the unique ability to make the reader feel that they are there and as such you can almost experience the horror smell the fear and taste the hopelessness regarding Lesleys disappearance and finally the frustration of being played by two psychopaths highly recommended
January 13, 2020
I can remember the media hype when these tragedies occurred. It must have been horrendous for all concerned. To say I enjoyed the book is the wrong terminology, it was really interesting and I can’t begin to understand how the victims’ families got through all the pain and heartache. This country definitely needs to bring back the death penalty for these lowlifes.
September 6, 2020
This book will stay with me for a while. Even though it happened quite some time ago you can still feel the grieving and sadness in Terry’s writing. This book is very moving and explore quite well the enormous repercussions of his sister disappearance in all the family even in the one not yet born...
September 28, 2023
I understand being a victim of true crime doesn't make you an phenomenal author so I feel the mentioning Terry West's writing style isn't really fair. But that was really the only negative about this book. It was informative and emotional and overall, a great read. 3.5 stars rounded down to 3. I pray for healing for the West family.
July 11, 2024
ok
I found this book hard to push through to the end. It’s very repetitive and I’m shocked that he believes David, the man who phoned the police is more involved in this while not providing any back up his claims. Poor treatment of both him and Maureen Hindley by the family was a disgrace.
I found this book hard to push through to the end. It’s very repetitive and I’m shocked that he believes David, the man who phoned the police is more involved in this while not providing any back up his claims. Poor treatment of both him and Maureen Hindley by the family was a disgrace.
February 12, 2019
Oh my god
This book is heart breaking, it really makes me feel sick at times, but i found it a fascinating read. I cant imagine what the family went through. Terry you have done this book justice. I felt like it was my life because of the way you have written this book.
This book is heart breaking, it really makes me feel sick at times, but i found it a fascinating read. I cant imagine what the family went through. Terry you have done this book justice. I felt like it was my life because of the way you have written this book.
May 14, 2019
Brilliantly written and moving!
I wholeheartedly recommend this book as a sensitive portrayal of a hideous crime committed all those years ago and the devastating repercussions on both immediate and extended family.
I wholeheartedly recommend this book as a sensitive portrayal of a hideous crime committed all those years ago and the devastating repercussions on both immediate and extended family.
July 15, 2019
Brilliant
A brilliant book to see the other side of what happens when a crime happens you only think of the victims or the horrid people that do the crime
I hope that Terry got some closure from putting pen to paper
A brilliant book to see the other side of what happens when a crime happens you only think of the victims or the horrid people that do the crime
I hope that Terry got some closure from putting pen to paper
December 25, 2019
Recommend
I read this book, not because of a macabre interest in the 'moors murders', but to learn how a family is affected & deals with such tragedy. And I did learn, so thank you Terry for opening up & revisiting such difficult times.
I read this book, not because of a macabre interest in the 'moors murders', but to learn how a family is affected & deals with such tragedy. And I did learn, so thank you Terry for opening up & revisiting such difficult times.
February 13, 2022
Heart breaking
I feel so awful for lesleys oldest brother, he was only a child himself and the only people to blame we're the scum that took her life, I hope Terry can feel less guilt and more peace now
I feel so awful for lesleys oldest brother, he was only a child himself and the only people to blame we're the scum that took her life, I hope Terry can feel less guilt and more peace now
May 31, 2022
If Only
Although I found the premise of the book interesting, I feel it all could have been summed up using half the pages. I felt enough empathy for the little girl and her family to stick with it to the end but, admittedly, it was difficult at times.
Although I found the premise of the book interesting, I feel it all could have been summed up using half the pages. I felt enough empathy for the little girl and her family to stick with it to the end but, admittedly, it was difficult at times.
October 7, 2023
Thankyou
This book must have been so difficult to write. If you read this I hope it was a type of therapy for you, letting it out. Letting us read your life. Too often we only know what a killer has done. We do need to know the effects. Bless you
This book must have been so difficult to write. If you read this I hope it was a type of therapy for you, letting it out. Letting us read your life. Too often we only know what a killer has done. We do need to know the effects. Bless you
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