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Unspeakable: The Things We Cannot Say
'Compassionate' Guardian'Extremely affecting' ScotsmanAs a teenager, Harriet Shawcross stopped speaking at school for almost a year. As an adult, she became fascinated by the limits of language.From the inexpressible trauma of trench warfare and the aftermath of natural disaster to the taboo of coming out, Harriet examines all the ways in which words scare us. She studies wartime poet George Oppen, interviews the author of The Vagina Monologues, meets Nepalese earthquake-survivors and the founders of the Samaritans and asks what makes us silent?
336 pages, Kindle Edition
First published March 7, 2019
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Displaying 1 - 16 of 16 reviews
May 6, 2020
We are not the only animal that can communicate. A lot of animals send out warning signals when a threat is sensed. Dolphins and whales have perfected the art of conversation across small and vast distances to keep in touch with one another. But almost no others have the level of language and communication that we have developed. Which is why with that ability that we have as human beings, it is strange that some have made the conscious decision not to talk unless it is unavoidable.
Harriet Shawcross was one of those. As a teenager, she withdrew from communicating and socialising unless really necessary, spending time in obscure parts of the school to avoid contact with fellow pupils. It was something that she thankfully grew out of, but it sparked an interest in why some people chose to not communicate with others but also why some people lost the art of speech and in some cases writing too.
Her journey will take her from the ghosts of her past to the history of the illness where it was first identified by a Swiss doctor, Moritz Tramer, who first named it elective mutism. It has since become known as selective mutism as it is now understood that children are not choosing who and when to speak to people, rather they are gripped by paralysing anxiety. A conversation with the speech therapist, Maggie Johnson, who learnt this the hard way with a boy where the thought of talking to anyone, filled him with abject terror. She now works with children getting to overcome this fear, using exercises to override their flight response.
Her search for silence takes her to America where a camp for children helps them to overcome their silence by pushing them, a technique that has its detractors. Remembering the time she was cast in the play The Vagina Monologues but decided against it as it went to a place that she thought was beyond her comfort zone. She ends up in New York and interviews Eve Ensler in her apartment about the effect that the book and play have had on breaking the taboo about this intimate part of the body. Other travels take her to Nepal where she meets those that lost so much in the 2015 earthquake, attends a service with the Quakers and goes on various retreats.
We live in such a noisy world that the cacophony often hides the silence that some people are overwhelmed by. Shawcross has made a good attempt in this book to open up the discussion about selective mutism and how it affects people in different ways. At times her writing is lucid and full of power. However, I did have a few issues with the book though; it did seem to lack a little focus at times and whilst her personal story was relevant at the beginning as an opening piece, the others seemed unnecessary embellishments to the book. Not bad overall though and some may find it useful to read.
Harriet Shawcross was one of those. As a teenager, she withdrew from communicating and socialising unless really necessary, spending time in obscure parts of the school to avoid contact with fellow pupils. It was something that she thankfully grew out of, but it sparked an interest in why some people chose to not communicate with others but also why some people lost the art of speech and in some cases writing too.
Her journey will take her from the ghosts of her past to the history of the illness where it was first identified by a Swiss doctor, Moritz Tramer, who first named it elective mutism. It has since become known as selective mutism as it is now understood that children are not choosing who and when to speak to people, rather they are gripped by paralysing anxiety. A conversation with the speech therapist, Maggie Johnson, who learnt this the hard way with a boy where the thought of talking to anyone, filled him with abject terror. She now works with children getting to overcome this fear, using exercises to override their flight response.
Her search for silence takes her to America where a camp for children helps them to overcome their silence by pushing them, a technique that has its detractors. Remembering the time she was cast in the play The Vagina Monologues but decided against it as it went to a place that she thought was beyond her comfort zone. She ends up in New York and interviews Eve Ensler in her apartment about the effect that the book and play have had on breaking the taboo about this intimate part of the body. Other travels take her to Nepal where she meets those that lost so much in the 2015 earthquake, attends a service with the Quakers and goes on various retreats.
We live in such a noisy world that the cacophony often hides the silence that some people are overwhelmed by. Shawcross has made a good attempt in this book to open up the discussion about selective mutism and how it affects people in different ways. At times her writing is lucid and full of power. However, I did have a few issues with the book though; it did seem to lack a little focus at times and whilst her personal story was relevant at the beginning as an opening piece, the others seemed unnecessary embellishments to the book. Not bad overall though and some may find it useful to read.
October 19, 2019
I really wanted to like this book more, because I have/had selective mutism, and I'm queer. The author is bisexual and had a period of silence during her adolescence. Some parts did work for me, and the prose was nice. Other parts did not work for me at all.
This book is somewhere between memoir and investigative or journalistic non-fiction. The memoir provides a frame for the journalistic parts. This combination is like a spork: half as good as a spoon, half as good as a fork. I wanted either more detail and emotion around the author's experiences, or more in-depth investigation of the topics she was exploring. Her topics are wide-ranging: the Samaritans, religious mediation, talk therapy, and more. She really skims through these topics rather quickly.
I liked the chapter on selective mutism, but wanted more interviews and details. I appreciated the chapter about the dangers of meditation, which is an under-reported problem in society and in medicine. I did not like the section on Nepal, which seemed to gloss over a lot of subjects. Crucially, for me, the author did not investigate the concept of societal silence and how this can affect people, especially queer people.
I was bothered by the middle section. The author interviews Eve Ensler, creator of "The Vagina Monologues." This section was very cis-centric, blithely equating vaginas with women. In one section, the author discusses the childhood abuse of one George Oppen, her favorite poet. But a couple of times she refers to this abuse as "unwanted advances," a very strange way of discussing childhood sexual abuse. I found it frustrating that the author complained about how people with selective mutism only wanted to communicate by email.
Other content notes include: mention of suicide and self-harm
This book is somewhere between memoir and investigative or journalistic non-fiction. The memoir provides a frame for the journalistic parts. This combination is like a spork: half as good as a spoon, half as good as a fork. I wanted either more detail and emotion around the author's experiences, or more in-depth investigation of the topics she was exploring. Her topics are wide-ranging: the Samaritans, religious mediation, talk therapy, and more. She really skims through these topics rather quickly.
I liked the chapter on selective mutism, but wanted more interviews and details. I appreciated the chapter about the dangers of meditation, which is an under-reported problem in society and in medicine. I did not like the section on Nepal, which seemed to gloss over a lot of subjects. Crucially, for me, the author did not investigate the concept of societal silence and how this can affect people, especially queer people.
I was bothered by the middle section. The author interviews Eve Ensler, creator of "The Vagina Monologues." This section was very cis-centric, blithely equating vaginas with women. In one section, the author discusses the childhood abuse of one George Oppen, her favorite poet. But a couple of times she refers to this abuse as "unwanted advances," a very strange way of discussing childhood sexual abuse. I found it frustrating that the author complained about how people with selective mutism only wanted to communicate by email.
Other content notes include: mention of suicide and self-harm
August 3, 2020
This is predominantly a memoir (with a sprinkling of history and journalism) in which the author embarks on a meandering journey to explore silence, in an effort to better understand herself. From selective mutism in children to PTSD to the Samaritans to silent retreats, this book travels across time and place to explore moments of silence. Threading these disparate topics together are the author's recollections of her parents' financial difficulties, her isolation at university, and coming to terms with her bisexuality.
I'm not usually a fan of memoirs, but I am fascinated by language (avid reader, author & Linguistics graduate here!). As a result, I found this memoir gently absorbing. While the content was not revolutionary, it was somehow intimate and strangely relatable - and also a refreshing change from the more hard-hitting nonfiction I've been reading recently.
An (interesting) chunk of the book focuses on how women are specifically silenced through the shaming of our bodies or societal expectations. I also found the exploration of meditation - and its dangers! - fascinating, given how much mindfulness is being toted in the Western world as a panacea for modern living. Surprisingly - given the author discusses her difficulties coming out - there isn't as much about silence and shame in the gay community.
I would not, however, recommend this to someone looking for specific answers. The memoir butterflies from one subject to another in odd (perhaps slightly insensitive?) sequence, from the aftereffects of natural disaster to sneaking into a Quaker meeting to poetry. There's little in the way of conclusion - except, perhaps, that the power of silence is hard to put into words.
READ THIS IF... You enjoy memoirs and light (language-specific) nonfiction. In style it reminded me of The Electricity of Every Living Thing by Katherine May.
I'm not usually a fan of memoirs, but I am fascinated by language (avid reader, author & Linguistics graduate here!). As a result, I found this memoir gently absorbing. While the content was not revolutionary, it was somehow intimate and strangely relatable - and also a refreshing change from the more hard-hitting nonfiction I've been reading recently.
An (interesting) chunk of the book focuses on how women are specifically silenced through the shaming of our bodies or societal expectations. I also found the exploration of meditation - and its dangers! - fascinating, given how much mindfulness is being toted in the Western world as a panacea for modern living. Surprisingly - given the author discusses her difficulties coming out - there isn't as much about silence and shame in the gay community.
I would not, however, recommend this to someone looking for specific answers. The memoir butterflies from one subject to another in odd (perhaps slightly insensitive?) sequence, from the aftereffects of natural disaster to sneaking into a Quaker meeting to poetry. There's little in the way of conclusion - except, perhaps, that the power of silence is hard to put into words.
READ THIS IF... You enjoy memoirs and light (language-specific) nonfiction. In style it reminded me of The Electricity of Every Living Thing by Katherine May.
February 11, 2020
Raises important questions on the relationship between speech and silence. Either can be problematic. Mostly in our culture I think we are unbalanced in terms of too little silence, but as the author shows too much silence can be deadly as well. It isn't just speech that heals nor will silence alone do the job. Its. more a matter of what we say in our speech, how we say it, and how creatively speech is combined with silence. I read this one alongside Adam Frankel's The Survivors which I commend. Adam's family tased a lot about the Holocaust but not in a way that allowed them to face what most deeply wounded them. They were silent about the personal impact to their souls. Harriet talks about attending a meditation retreat (much like the Vipassana retreats at Spirit Rock) where they speak of maintaining "holy silence" or "noble silence." I have thought a lot about what makes this experience of silence "holy" or "noble." The term fits my experience of silence in this kind of retreat. For one thing it is communal. The silence is shared and is intentional, intended to cultivate awakening and the great heart of compassion. Secondly, it is silence punctuated by teachings given for the same purpose. This silence is not the silence of hiding or avoidance but for the intention of facing all that prevents awakening. Speech and silence, Harriet says toward the end of her book, can't be easily separated. Well worth engaging.
May 24, 2019
I'm not 100% sure how I feel about this one! It's really a memoir which wasn't what I was expecting, but it was an impulse audible purchase so I think that's my fault.
I did keep listening to it because the subject of silence is an interesting one, and there were some good interviews towards the end. My main issue with the book though is that it felt a bit self-indulgent, particularly with lots of quoting of the author's favourite poet. At times I felt that the linking everything together through the theme of silence was a bit of a stretch! It wasn't not-interesting, but also not sure some of it was relevant at all.
I did keep listening to it because the subject of silence is an interesting one, and there were some good interviews towards the end. My main issue with the book though is that it felt a bit self-indulgent, particularly with lots of quoting of the author's favourite poet. At times I felt that the linking everything together through the theme of silence was a bit of a stretch! It wasn't not-interesting, but also not sure some of it was relevant at all.
August 21, 2024
This was a fine and readable book about this author's life and experience with silence in the positive and negative sense. In general, there was nothing revolutionary or particularly thought-provoking here for me. I found the first part, which was about how the author stopped speaking more than the absolutely necessary utterances for a year in secondary school and how this was connected to her home life and would follow her in her adult life as well, an intriguing beginning to the book. The concept of selective mutism wasn't new to me, but the different psychological approaches to help children suffering from it were interesting. I would, however, have liked a bit more of an exploration why girls in particular seem to suffer from this (at least from what I gathered from this book).
The part about the silence and shame revolving around sex was again interesting, but a lot of it revolved around the development of the Samaritan organization. The concept and the way this hotline was set and works up until today were intriguing, but I would have liked a bit more of an exploration of silence around homosexuality/queerness and coming out, given the author's own story she shared here.
The rest of the parts were a bit disappointing for me. The one about silence from trauma survivors felt quite surface level and was for some reason focused on the survivors of the earthquake in Nepal. As the author herself pointed out throughout this part, she couldn't really communicate with anyone directly affected and got the majority of her input from outsiders, professionals and expats in Nepal. I found it a bit iffy, to be honest, that she included so many opinions about why certain therapy approaches would or would not work in Nepal because of "cultural differences", since most of them came from people who were foreigners in the country themselves. Since one of the expert interviewees was also impacted by 9/11, why would the author not use that or any other traumatic event in a country with a culture and language familiar to her to really explore questions around silence and trauma? I've read research papers about selective mutism and silence in trauma survivors before and found it fascinating, so the exploration in this book felt very flat and uninteresting to me.
The final parts were mainly focused on silence as part of religious experiences and meditation. While I found the ideas surrounding how silence can become dangerous for people and derail their mental health thought-provoking, for the most part I just didn't feel like there was a lot of new insight here. The writing was often more focused on the logistics of where nuns can live in silence or where a buddhist monk would disappear to for a few months to be on his own.
Overall, this was an enjoyable read for the most part and I found the author's experiences with silence interesting, but I did feel like there were quite a few missed opportunities here to actually dig into what silence means in our contemporary world.
The part about the silence and shame revolving around sex was again interesting, but a lot of it revolved around the development of the Samaritan organization. The concept and the way this hotline was set and works up until today were intriguing, but I would have liked a bit more of an exploration of silence around homosexuality/queerness and coming out, given the author's own story she shared here.
The rest of the parts were a bit disappointing for me. The one about silence from trauma survivors felt quite surface level and was for some reason focused on the survivors of the earthquake in Nepal. As the author herself pointed out throughout this part, she couldn't really communicate with anyone directly affected and got the majority of her input from outsiders, professionals and expats in Nepal. I found it a bit iffy, to be honest, that she included so many opinions about why certain therapy approaches would or would not work in Nepal because of "cultural differences", since most of them came from people who were foreigners in the country themselves. Since one of the expert interviewees was also impacted by 9/11, why would the author not use that or any other traumatic event in a country with a culture and language familiar to her to really explore questions around silence and trauma? I've read research papers about selective mutism and silence in trauma survivors before and found it fascinating, so the exploration in this book felt very flat and uninteresting to me.
The final parts were mainly focused on silence as part of religious experiences and meditation. While I found the ideas surrounding how silence can become dangerous for people and derail their mental health thought-provoking, for the most part I just didn't feel like there was a lot of new insight here. The writing was often more focused on the logistics of where nuns can live in silence or where a buddhist monk would disappear to for a few months to be on his own.
Overall, this was an enjoyable read for the most part and I found the author's experiences with silence interesting, but I did feel like there were quite a few missed opportunities here to actually dig into what silence means in our contemporary world.
October 13, 2022
This book was not what I expected reading the description on the back.
It's about the author's life, explaining her trauma and selective mutism and the problems it gave her.
It feels like the narration keeps getting blocked and that we never get to the point, it gets interrupted by a poem or something else. I'd say it's almost frustrating.
Every time I think it's headed in a direction I enjoy, it throws me off.
I fear it didn't give me what I thought it would.
It's about the author's life, explaining her trauma and selective mutism and the problems it gave her.
It feels like the narration keeps getting blocked and that we never get to the point, it gets interrupted by a poem or something else. I'd say it's almost frustrating.
Every time I think it's headed in a direction I enjoy, it throws me off.
I fear it didn't give me what I thought it would.
June 26, 2019
This was a very enjoyable read with nice balance of first hand accounts from the author, stories from others she came across as a journalist, and actual scientific study. I think it is a good reminder of the benefits and challenges of silence. She discusses feminism, gender, sexuality, and various trauma people experience and on why people stop speaking. Overall a recommended read.
June 28, 2021
I enjoyed this book, but didn't love it. The individual stories were interesting, and I learned about some interesting people/places/events. I am glad I didn't give up on this book, but wanted to like it more.
July 21, 2019
Excellent narration of this very personal and yet relatable journey
February 27, 2020
Seems to plod on and on without really getting anywhere.
March 4, 2020
I found this an interesting read, although it was a shame that some of the stories didn't go into more detail in places.
September 23, 2020
A really fascinating book which is part personal memoir, part exploration of trauma, silence and taboo. Highly recommend.
April 22, 2021
Fascinating!
February 13, 2024
Discover some things about myself.
October 3, 2019
I enjoyed this book in which Shawcross gives us insights into different experiences of her life - a period a silence and withdrawal at secondary school due, in part, to not fitting in and the shame of her dad's redundancy, and then later in life, a difficulty communicating feelings and needs in close relationships and the realisation that she is attracted to women. This book is a helpful reminder that the everyday experiences of childhood and our lives are painful and can leave profound marks in us.
Shawcross' own experiences lead her on a journey of exploration of the themes of silence and speech, including selective mutism, Eve Ensler, author of the Vagina Monologues and champion of talking about the women's bodies and trauma that is often unspoken, the founder of the Samaritans Chad Varah, the complex interplay of silence and speech in trauma contexts in Nepal as well as the more troubling aspects of meditation and mindfulness. Some reviews that I have read of this book have picked up on this quite eclectic range of topics. I personally enjoyed this though and feel like I've been introduced to different people and movements that I want to explore further.
Shawcross' own experiences lead her on a journey of exploration of the themes of silence and speech, including selective mutism, Eve Ensler, author of the Vagina Monologues and champion of talking about the women's bodies and trauma that is often unspoken, the founder of the Samaritans Chad Varah, the complex interplay of silence and speech in trauma contexts in Nepal as well as the more troubling aspects of meditation and mindfulness. Some reviews that I have read of this book have picked up on this quite eclectic range of topics. I personally enjoyed this though and feel like I've been introduced to different people and movements that I want to explore further.
Displaying 1 - 16 of 16 reviews