This may be the only memoir I’ve read about a "narcissistic" mother who did not mistreat her oldest or only daughter. In fact, the author’s mother appeared to be a relatively good mother when she was around. It’s not that she was “missing” most of the time, either, but she did have a schedule where her social life was not hampered by her maternal obligations or job. Two of her husband’s single sisters lived with the family, in a very small apartment, and basically played nannies, housekeepers and cooks. It reminded me of stories of wealthy or aristocratic women who had scheduled times to see and be with their children, since they could afford nannies, housekeepers and cooks.
Only, Deborah Burn’s beautiful mother was far from being wealthy and was not a member of any royal family. Her childhood was one of great unhappiness and little money, and she appeared to marry the author's father to get away from home. He pursued her, though, when she was a teenager and he was in his thirties. His brother was boxer Tony Canzoneri, who owned a Italian resort in upstate New York, and that is where her parents met. It all was obviously enough for her, although she did pursue modeling and acting for a while. Her only daughter adored, if not worshipped her, and they never even had a real argument until right before her daughter was getting married.
Idolizing someone, even when a child does so with a parent, is always a sign something is not “real” in a relationship. Only after her mother’s death, did the author encounter the reality of that, after going to both an astrologer and a counselor. She finally understood some important things about her mother, yet I still found it difficult to see her mother as being narcissistic where her daughter was concerned. I guess because, as mentioned earlier, narcissistic mothers are usually very emotionally abusive to their children, especially an only or oldest daughter. Her mother was not, as described in this book. She also appeared not competitive with her daughter, as narcissistic mothers often can be, jealous of their child’s youth and new opportunities.
No, she was not a perfect mother, and definitely not a great wife or relative to her husband’s sisters. Maybe, though, her daughter should have figured some things out on her own about their relationship before her thirties. Ms. Burns is apparently a wonderful, absolutely adoring mother to her own three children, and also excelled fabulously in her career. She provided more than ample proof of that. (Maybe there was some competition going on here, but it wasn’t the mother who was the competitive one.) Hence, it’s just too hard to find fault with her childhood in a way that creates much sympathy for her.
Not that it seemed like the author was looking for sympathy, since she actually presented an image of her mother that was more intriguing than negligent. So, why are we here? Seriously, if you are looking for a “bad” mommy story, there are many, many more memoirs you could read, instead of this one. This memoir is more for someone looking for a story about an interesting mother of her time, and a daughter who could not resist idolizing her, for a long, long time. Just don’t be too jolted when, towards the end of the book, her adored mother is suddenly outed by her daughter as having been "narcissistic", something one could certainly never accuse her daughter of being.