Normal: A Mother and Her Beautiful Son

by Magdalena Newman

A moving memoir from the mother of a child with Treacher Collins Syndrome, with a foreword by R.J. Palacio, author of Wonder
For Magda Newman, normal was a goal--she wanted her son Nathaniel to be able to play on the playground, swim at the beach, enjoy the moments of childhood that are often taken for granted. But Nathaniel's severe Treacher Collins syndrome--a craniofacial condition--meant that other concerns came first. Could he eat without the aid of a gastrointestinal tube? Could he hear? Would he ever be able to breathe effortlessly? In this moving memoir, Newman, with the help of her son, tells the story of raising Nathaniel, from the shock she and her husband faced when he was born, to the inspiration of Nathaniel's own strength and quirky humor. All this while also facing both non-Hodgkins and Hodgkins lymphoma diagnoses of her own. This uplifting story of a family tackling complex and terrifying circumstances with love and resilience is a true testament to Magda and her family, and to families everywhere who quietly but courageously persist.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Adult, Biography Memoir, Biography, Disability, Mental Health

272 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2020

About the author

Magdalena Newman lives in Seattle, Washington, with her husband and two sons.

(source: Amazon)

Reviews

[Beth · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was so thought provoking, emotional, funny, sad, and beautiful. I’ll write a full review later, but trust me, this is a story you’ll want to read.

****

I received an arc of this from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review

Magdalena has had a hell of a life. And so has her son. This book chronicles not only his life but hers as well. This book takes you on a journey through surgeries, hospital stays, near death experiences, the fears of parents with disabled children, the resilience of disabled children, ableism, cancer, and so much more.

Magdalena is so real and raw in this book, it would be difficult to not feel exactly how she’s feeling. I laughed, I cried, I got angry, and I felt triumphant. This is not an easy book to read, probably even harder to write, but this is a must read book.

[Samantha Simmons · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a teacher who reads Wonder each year to their class it was exciting to find a non fiction book that had so many connections to the book Wonder!

[Dasha Slepenkina · Rating 3 out of 5]

A big thank-you to NetGalley, the author, and publisher for giving me a copy of this book for an unbiased review.

3/5 – Liked it

Writing a review for this book is difficult. Did I enjoy it? Until I got closer to the end, I can’t say that I did. This family’s experiences are so consistently brutal. Perhaps if this were fiction, it’d be easier to read. Perhaps if I could forget that Magda, her son, and her family are real people, it’d be less frustrating and heavy.

But that’s the whole point of the book. The Newmans weren’t given a life that was easy. This story is real, made up of real people with real problems. Heck, I got anxiety just from reading about their cross-country moves! And yet this is exactly what makes the book worth reading. Because, similar to Magda’s hidden worlds deep in the Polish woods, there are hidden worlds everywhere. It’s when we get too uncomfortable to explore them, too anxious to face them, too self-absorbed to acknowledge them, that we lose our compassion.

The story itself is important and I would recommend this book. However, I have a couple of reasons that it’s not rated even higher for me. The first is that I wanted so much to know more about Nathaniel. I had somewhat mistakenly expected this to be a story centered on his experience. This isn’t so much the case – the story, if anything, is Magda’s. It is written from her perspective, covers key aspects of her childhood, and reflects on the struggle of being a parent learning to come to terms with a world which may not always welcome her beautiful, uniquely normal boy. This isn’t a problem – in fact, Magda’s story also needs and deserves to be shared. However, the narrative did not line up with my expectations and I desperately wanted to hear more of Nathaniel’s own voice. I loved the excerpts written by him and wanted to see his story not just through a lens, albeit a very perceptive one, but through his own perspective. I’d have loved for the book to alternate between Magda’s and Nathaniel’s perspectives.

The second reason that my rating isn’t higher is due to the narration. Magda is a good writer, but the story felt unedited at times. The transitions between flashbacks and real time are confusing, some of the text is repetitive, and certain details could have been omitted. Sometimes this got in the way of the story.

This being said, the story shared in “Normal” is important and should be shared. I am appreciative of the opportunity to learn more about Treacher Collins and am confident that reading this book will change how I view the world and those in it.

[aqilahreads · Rating 4 out of 5]

ever heard about treacher collins syndrome? 🙇‍♀️ well honestly i have never!!!! 🙅‍♀️ this is still new to me as i felt that it is not a common condition especially in singapore. found out that normal actually comes into two books - one from the perspective of magda ((mother of nathaniel)) and another one from the perspective of nathaniel himself whom is having the condition. this book that i read is in the perspective of magda & it is interesting to read what is the condition is all about - i have learnt so many things. it also talks about how the family overcomes hardships and staying hopeful. i love wonder by r.j. palacio and turns out that nathaniel’s story is part of how wonder came up too. ((which i didnt know of!!!)) the flow of story could have been better but overall, its such an inspiring & beautiful read which i wish that more people are aware of. highly recommended and also a great one to raise awareness.
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️/5

always be kind to one another everyone 💚

[Krisette Spangler · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a moving memoir about the author and her son who is born with Treacher Collins Syndrome. Madga tells her story with such grace and honesty. She is very upfront with her feelings of grief and sorrow, but also tells of her joys and triumphs. Throughout everything she has a beautiful faith in God that sustains her through the darkest days of her life. I highly recommend this book to anyone who is wondering how to survive a trial with grace and your faith in God intact.

[Sue · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a great companion to Wonder. I liked the story of Nathanial and his family. I was very happy to hear they are all doing so well. I am hoping there will be pictures of the family in the book. Reading the eBook did not have any. I felt there was a lot of unnecessary jumping around in the timeline. Magda would be talking about present-day and then jump to when she and Russell had first met. I can sort of see it as a useful way to tell the story but it happened so much that it got annoying, in my opinion.

Overall though, I did enjoy the story.

[Diane · Rating 5 out of 5]

I thoroughly enjoyed this story of an amazing family. It is heart warming, funny, sad and inspiring.

Highly recommended.

[CatReader · Rating 3 out of 5]

The story was certainly inspirational, but I found myself getting annoyed at the author's touting of pseudoscience (emotional upset caused her to get cancer twice, and The Secret cured her) and sense of entitlement (they were privileged enough to meet all these celebrities on the set of Wonder, but Julia Roberts wasn't as warm as they wanted her to be, etc.).

[Barbara · Rating 4 out of 5]

I doubt that there are many individuals out there who haven't read the book Wonder or watched the movie in which they met and fell in love with Auggie Pullman, a boy with Treacher Collins, a craniofacial condition. As appealing as that book might have been, this one, the memoir of a mother whose son Nathaniel also has that syndrome hits even harder, partly because it is true but also because this is a real story of hope and triumph written by a mother. In the book's pages, Magda Newman describes the joys and challenges of life with Nathaniel and how she came to terms with his condition. It's clear that she and her husband have sacrificed a great deal in order to take care of their two sons, but it's also evident just how much they love Nathaniel and Jacob. For those who get caught up in appearances and wealth and worrying about how others might react to someone like Nathaniel because of his facial deformities, this story is a vivid reminder of what really matters--in this case, Nathaniel's ability to eat, drink, and do the simplest of things independently. I lost count of the many times he almost died, and I shook my head at the idea of someone undergoing 67 surgeries. Because the book contains musings from Nathaniel himself, readers are drawn even closer to this beautiful boy and his beautiful--inside and out--mother. While Wonder changed many things for this family, it is also clear that they themselves are resilient and advocates for their boys. As I was reading the book and learned of Magda's own cancer and the medical bills they faced, I often asked myself how much more a family could take. But this is not a whining, self-pitying book at all although it is incredibly honest and shares some of the family's darker moments; instead, it is an inspiring story of resilience and determination that made me smile and feel ashamed of my own complaining about small matters. I highly recommend reading this book if you need a boost of positivity in your life.

[Marcia · Rating 3 out of 5]

These two new books add to the small number of books that exist about craniofacial conditions. Normal, A Mother and Her Beautiful Son was written by Nathaniel’s mother about their family’s journey with Nathaniel who was born with Treacher Collins syndrome with severe symptoms. Normal, One Kid’s Extraordinary Journey was written by Nathaniel and his mother, and contains some (humorous) illustrations. They tell the same story, one for adults and the other for younger readers. Grades 5 to 10 were mentioned; a younger child with a craniofacial condition and familiar with surgeries could be interested in Nathaniel’s book, either reading it or having it read to them.
The author chronicles their extraordinary situation in which serious health crises occurred often, dealing with the constraints of both a gastrostomy and tracheostomy tube since Nathaniel’s infancy and many high risk surgeries. This is while she herself has a second child, cancer and a recurrence, many moves in different states and frequent job changes of Nathaniel’s father. Despite these uncommon and difficult challenges the family is resilient, upbeat and thankful; they retain a sense of humor, especially Nathaniel. Of special interest is how the book and then the movie of Wonder positively affected Nathaniel and the family. Nathaniel explains how wonderful the family’s dogs are, how he usually appreciates having his brother, and that he doesn’t feel defined by Treacher Collins.

[Nancy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great story, my heart goes out to the entire family. It shows the resilience of humans and the power of love.

My one problem with it. The author talks about how hard it was to have a child with this condition, how much she loves him, what a great human he is (and he is!), how many lives he positively affected, and yet, when she was going to try for another, it sounded like if the child had the same condition, she would possibly/probably kill the child by aborting the baby. Because he or she would have physical issues? I could not wrap my brain around this. You write a book about overcoming hardship, but yet, you would kill another human being if that little one wasn't "normal" as your book is titled. You are pro-abortion, but you thank God every day for the blessings in your life. Another child with this condition would be a blessing too from God. But that child would be sacrificed?

I don't understand this thinking, and I believe if the author thought about that awhile, I would hope maybe she has better insight now. The truth is that babies like her son die every day because the parents find out their child won't be perfect. Look at how the author's family and their lives expanded because he was allowed life. The next child wouldn't be any less valuable as a human being.

It was a great story though, well written, and has a great message. All lives matter, no matter what you look like, or your differences.

[Rebekah Hendren · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book chronicles the medical, emotional, and spiritual struggles of the Newman family, whose son Nathaniel was born with Treacher Collins Syndrome and inspired the bestselling book and now Hollywood movie “Wonder”. Nathaniel’s mother Magda shares her family’s story in a way that is at times humorous, always engaging, and extremely moving. I very much enjoyed the way that Nathaniel’s perspective was sprinkled in alongside his mother’s. Perhaps one of the biggest takeaways for me from the work can be succinctly explained by this quote from Nathaniel himself. “Who I am will never change. Treacher Collins doesn’t define me. What defines all of us is how we face what we’ve been given. I’m Nathaniel. I’m not normal, and neither are you.” This work wonderfully illustrates that we should look beyond the differences that we may see in a person and instead focus on who they truly are inside. This was a great read.

[West Hartford Children's Library · Rating 5 out of 5]

A most poignant personal journey of a family facing insurmountable odds and tremendous challenges as they navigate life. Nathaniel Newman was born with Treacher Collins Syndrome, a craniofacial syndrome that involves all aspects of health and life. The family's journey through Nathaniel's 67 surgeries before the age of fifteen, frequent moves across the country, challenges with making friends and keeping the faith through extreme hardship is moving, riveting, heartbreaking and honest. The Newman family embraces and tackles these extraordinary circumstances with courage, resilience and tremendous love for each other and the world. This is a story of how to face life when the unexpected happens and you are forced to be stronger than you have ever known that you could be in order to save your family. This book gives you faith in humanity. Carol Waxman

[Mollie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this book fascinating. I liked that there were bits told from Nathaniel's perspective, but that most of the text comes from his mother. We often hear stories of people with unique experiences from their own viewpoint, but we don't often hear very much about the family members and how they are affected. Magdalena Newman is inspirational. She is very honest about her feelings throughout the book--not only does she talk about how wonderful her son is, but she shared how some of her own experiences weren't always good. Many people wouldn't like to admit that they were scared or freaked out upon embarking on a journey such as hers, but she tells us about her own issues as well as those of her son.

[Calista Andrechek · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you to NetGalley, Magdalena Newman and Houghton Mifflin Harcourt for the free e-book in exchange for an honest review.

This novel was exactly what I needed this month! I was addicted right away, the writing is amazing and their story is so sad but also so amazing. I felt the positivity from this family right off the bat. This story really made me stop focusing on all the negative things that were happening in my life and delved right into the struggles of this family. This book was so inspiring for me because I realized how easy it is to fall into the negative when you should be looking at the small positives. I would highly recommend!

[Stephanie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm in the craniofacial world so I'm biased... but I couldn't put this book down. The ups and downs, the emotional rollercoaster, and throughout, the simple voice of a kid who is simply himself. He knows no other way of life. And that is the ribbon that ties it all up and makes it beautiful. Those in the medical world, the special needs world, whatever world life has you in... You just live. You do the next thing. Not because you as a parent are capable of more, not because your kid is capable of more, but because that's the life that you have. Inspiring, and as a mom... encouraging. Only thing lacking is pictures.

[Marcia Kaufman · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely loved this memoir. It is about a mother of a child with Treacher Collins Syndrome. It is written mostly by the mom with some short sections by her son who is now a teen. (RJ Palacio studied this kid’s case for her book, Wonder.)

This memoir made me both cry and belly laugh, and is probably my favorite book of the past year or two. I fell in love with this family.

There’s also a shorter version of the memoir for kids. I believe it is recommended for ages 10 & up. It’s also called “Normal.”

Oh, and I heard the husband / father speak once recently and can confirm: he really *is* a big crier! 🥰

[Lydia Choi · Rating 5 out of 5]

The movie Wonder It’s probably one of my favourite movies of all time; when I saw this book, I knew I needed to read it.

I cried plenty, thinking about that movie and imagining the world they lived in and trying to envision whether I would’ve had the strength that she had to push through a son with Treacher Collins and cancer, twice. The gratitude for the world and her perspective on the cards she’s been dealt is inspirational, and I loved how honest she was about how hard it was for her to get to how she is now.

I’m so glad this book exists, and I wish that more people would read and remember what a beautiful life we all get to live.

[Pam · Rating 4 out of 5]

Magda and her husband were caught by complete surprise when their first child was born with a serious case of Treacher Collins syndrome.

The family learns to live life as a family with a medically fragile child. Many people n their lives are helpful, while a few are hateful.

Add in some serious medical problems for Magda, and there is a lot for the family to cope with.

The publication of the book “Wonder” by R. J. Palacio opens up new connections and new understanding of their sons’s challenges.

And their son Nathaniel is as gutsy and confident as they come...

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

I feel odd rating someone’s life story, but I’m giving this four stars because I am so inspired by this family’s grit and outlook on life. Wow, did they persevere through so many hardships! I thought there were so many sections where the author perfectly captured the emotions involved when devastating things happen.

I would have liked, though, to hear more from her son. His excerpts were so insightful and made me crave more. I hate saying this but I felt the book was somewhat choppy and could’ve used a bit more editing.

[Susan Wolf · Rating 5 out of 5]

This engaging memoir will keep you glued to its pages until the end. Never depressing, but realistic, shocking at first, Magda writes of her and her husband's struggles to care for a medically fragile child with severe birth defects of the face and head. The many surgeries to keep him breathing and fed, the hurtful reactions among those who first see him, the struggles for Nathaniel to feel accepted at school. In the end, you will cheer them all and can see Nathaniel in a Youtube video afterward, if you'd like.

[Lauren J. · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a first hand account of Magda the mother and her son Nathaniel who has Treacher Collins Sydrome. The harrowing days of surgeries, issues with breathing, eating and socialization are told from their own words. It truly helps the average person understand the nuances of having a syndrome involving the facial structure as well as breathing, eating, and swallowing. Their normal days are few and far between. Nathaniels dream of eating typical food and swimming are something he dreamed of. This is their journey and it is a beautiful book.

[Jill · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very humbling memoir about an extraordinary mother and son. As the mom of a daughter born w/ a cleft lip and palate, I thought I'd been through some stuff. Well, my stuff was quickly put into perspective and I hope my daughter (who is now a teenager and also read the book) felt that way, too. If Magda and her son are able to handle all the trials and tribulations life throws at them with such determination and resilience, maybe my daughter and I can do the same.

[Brian · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a sweet, well written memoir about a woman whose son is born with a rare disorder that causes his face to appear differently than most people. The book details the struggles the author faced with having a child with special needs, along with his many different medical issues and her own along the way. It was a pleasant, feel good kind of read.

[Jan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Quite good, similiar to Wonder, had some meeting the real Wonder folks in the book which made it a little odd. I lead a book discussion on Wonder at our retirement home, these types of books are always popular. People are just glad it isn't their family. What made it really hard was two types of cancer for the mother and lots of moves, she did a great job and now this book.

[Nicole Baker · Rating 5 out of 5]

Exceptional! Reminds me of the story of me and my son, he doesn't have TCS but he had a tracheostomy, a feeding tube and so far has had one jaw distraction... her stories of the NICU and all the surgeries really touch home and I cried through the first 1/2 of the book.
Thank you for sharing your journey, I have never read a book until now that captured our life the way this book does!

[Liz Anderson · Rating 5 out of 5]

So, this book hits very close to home, as I know the family and their son has Treacher Collins Syndrome, like my son. It was such a breath of fresh air to read the perspective of Nathaniel as well as Magda as they recount the major events of Nathaniel’s life and journey.

[Dalia Kane · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you’ve ever met Magda, you’d know that she has such an inviting and radiant personality. I always knew she was a bad bitch but reading this made me realize she is as resilient as they come. Love working with her 💖

[Reggie Malz · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great story - the author, the mother - is truly inspirational. She overcame so many hardships while raising her children to have positive outlooks on life.

[Justine · Rating 5 out of 5]

incredible!