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What We Will Become: A Mother, a Son, and a Journey of Transformation
A mother’s memoir of her transgender child’s odyssey, and her journey outside the boundaries of the faith and culture that shaped her.
From the age of two-and-a-half, Jacob, born “Em,” adamantly told his family he was a boy. While his mother Mimi struggled to understand and come to terms with the fact that her child may be transgender, she experienced a sense of déjà vu—the journey to uncover the source of her child’s inner turmoil unearthed ghosts from Mimi’s past and her own struggle to live an authentic life.
Mimi was raised in an ultra-Orthodox Jewish family, every aspect of her life dictated by ancient rules and her role as a woman largely preordained from cradle to grave. As a young woman, Mimi wrestled with the demands of her faith and eventually made the painful decision to leave her religious community and the strict gender roles it upheld.
Having risen from the ashes of her former life, Mimi was prepared to help her son forge a new one — at a time when there was little consensus on how best to help young transgender children. Dual narratives of faith and motherhood weave together to form a heartfelt portrait of an unforgettable family. Brimming with love and courage, What We Will Become is a powerful testament to how painful events from the past can be redeemed to give us hope for the future.
From the age of two-and-a-half, Jacob, born “Em,” adamantly told his family he was a boy. While his mother Mimi struggled to understand and come to terms with the fact that her child may be transgender, she experienced a sense of déjà vu—the journey to uncover the source of her child’s inner turmoil unearthed ghosts from Mimi’s past and her own struggle to live an authentic life.
Mimi was raised in an ultra-Orthodox Jewish family, every aspect of her life dictated by ancient rules and her role as a woman largely preordained from cradle to grave. As a young woman, Mimi wrestled with the demands of her faith and eventually made the painful decision to leave her religious community and the strict gender roles it upheld.
Having risen from the ashes of her former life, Mimi was prepared to help her son forge a new one — at a time when there was little consensus on how best to help young transgender children. Dual narratives of faith and motherhood weave together to form a heartfelt portrait of an unforgettable family. Brimming with love and courage, What We Will Become is a powerful testament to how painful events from the past can be redeemed to give us hope for the future.
336 pages, Hardcover
First published November 1, 2019
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November 14, 2025
Being a mother of a transgender child is a controversy in and of itself....now imagine if the transgender child is under the age of five.
God did not make mistakes, therefore it was I who must be fundamentally flawed.
It never occurred to me that my rabbis could be wrong.
Mimi spent much of her childhood stifled by her mother and her ulta-Orthodox Jewish family.
And when she finally got married and had children of her own, she realized quite early on that one of her kids was different.
"Em" was such a strong-willed child. She never liked dresses, long hair and other typical girly things...but...that just meant she was a tomboy, right?
But when Em started insisting she was a boy (as much as her three/four-year-old self could), Mimi knew that the situation had grown out of her control.
The clarity I have sought for so long arrives with a stunning clap.But...making a decision and the holding to it was two different things. Everywhere she turned, there was somebody with something to say about her son.
I know what to do now.
She'll never live a normal life.She began working with a licensed therapist specializing in young children in similar situations as her own. And over a long time, she came to a decision.
You're pushing her down a path of no return.
This is a social fad and you've fallen for it!
It's part of an angenda to destroy normal family life.
If you couldn't bury her as Em, why force her to live this way?Whew.
This book has a lot to unpack.
First of all, this is the type of book I'm actively trying to seek out.
I know the first time I ever heard about transitioning (preteens? I think? Possibly earlier, but it didn't really "click" as a thing until then), I was immediately fine with the concept. Adults do what adults want with their lives.
The logic extended to other teens/preteens. They were old enough to know what they want for their lives.
But when the news started touting stories about transitioning at nine years old, six years old, FOUR years old? That's when I got quiet - I didn't vocally support nor did I dissent. I just went quiet.
The point is, I never really engaged in conversations about young transgender kids because I didn't feel like I knew enough to have an informed discussion.
And I've been slowly (but surely) reading lots of books on the subject so I can educate myself on a very complex and controversial topic.
I read Being Jazz: My Life as a (Transgender) Teen a while ago and honestly felt more confused after that book than before.
I mentioned in my review of Jazz's book that I really wanted to get a parent's perspective on this because at the age where Jazz made the decision (kindergarten) and when she was writing her book (teen), she was pretty much still a kid.
And as much as I was interested in learning about her perspective, I felt like there was a lot more to the situation than what she was telling - especially the behind-the-scenes bits that the five-year-old may not have been aware of.
So, I picked up this one with the hopes of getting an understanding for why and how Mimi could come to such a strong and life-altering decision for her family and her son.
And let me tell you - this book did not disappoint. (okay, it did disappoint a smidge but the bits where we talk about the transition did not disappoint).
This book really went into the behavioral and emotional observations that Mimi made over months, the perspective of the psychologist and the consequences for not acting when she first noticed those changes.
I really don't think I can do the book justice but let me just say that there was so much more to the situation than "not liking girly things."
There was therapy, consultations, various milestones that Em reached before Mimi (and her husband) formally made the decision to allow Em to transition to Jacob.
There's a lot to unpack in a book like this but I really feel that that's for the best. I felt the emotions and the understood the situation in a wholly new way.
I really would suggest reading this book - not just if you think you might have a transgender child but also if you'd like a first-hand account of what transitioning a child is like.
At that moment, I realize that we are all as ready as we will ever be and that this - all of this - is very good.
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May 24, 2020
Many thanks to Lisa at HMH for sending me a copy in exchange for an honest review
"Feeling sure this is right does not mean, I realize, that there is no pain.
This book was so hard to read but I am so, so glad I read it. It reminded how much progress we've made but also how much progress we have to make.
So, what's this book about?
From the age of two-and-a-half, Jacob, born “Em,” adamantly told his family he was a boy. While his mother Mimi struggled to understand and come to terms with the fact that her child may be transgender, she experienced a sense of déjà vu—the journey to uncover the source of her child’s inner turmoil unearthed ghosts from Mimi’s past and her own struggle to live an authentic life.
Mimi was raised in an ultra-Orthodox Jewish family, every aspect of her life dictated by ancient rules and her role as a woman largely preordained from cradle to grave. As a young woman, Mimi wrestled with the demands of her faith and eventually made the painful decision to leave her religious community and the strict gender roles it upheld.
Having risen from the ashes of her former life, Mimi was prepared to help her son forge a new one — at a time when there was little consensus on how best to help young transgender children. Dual narratives of faith and motherhood weave together to form a heartfelt portrait of an unforgettable family. Brimming with love and courage, What We Will Become is a powerful testament to how painful events from the past can be redeemed to give us hope for the future.
This memoir had two main plotlines. (It feels so strange to call them plotlines. Like, this isn't just a book. It's real people's real stories not just made up ones). The first one being Jacob's gender dysphoria and transition. The second one being Mimi's struggles with her religion.
Let's start with the religion story. When I got this ARC, I was wondering if it would cover religion. (I didn't read the synopsis because... I don't know honestly.) It did, in fact, cover religion, just not in the way I expected.
Mimi's story was slightly similar to mine. As she grew older and older, she had more questions and continued to wonder if she agreed with the things she had been raised to believe. Most of those who grew up (or are growing up) in a religious home will really relate to Mimi's story.
We all end up questioning the beliefs that have been instilled in us when we were young as its part of growing up. For some of us, it's a brief wavering. For others, it can years and years of questioning.
As I read Mimi's experience, I got more and more frustrated. Not because of the writing or anything. I just hate that she (and so many others) had to experience religion in the bigoted and almost cultish way.
I completely understand and agree with the fact that everyone is entitled to there own beliefs.... but.. oh my gosh... sometimes, it's just so hard for me because I just want to grab certain types of people by the shoulders and shake them back and forth yelling "Don't you realize you're hurting people?"
(sidenote - I love that I'm talking about religion, specifically Judaism and Christianity, and I have a gif of Hades, god of the underworld)
Time to switch tracks! - As deeply as Mimi's story affected me, Jacob's story affected me that much more. I am not transgender, nor do I have any experience with gender dysphoria. But the way Mimi conveyed the story in such a raw and emotional way, brought me to tears multiple times.
Overall, this memoir was an unputdownable story of identity, gender, and religion. Highly recommended!
Bottom Line:
4.5 stars
Age Rating - [ PG-13 ]
Content Screening (Mild Spoilers)
Positive Messages (4/5) - [Perserverance, Being who you are, Bravery, Kindness]
Violence (0/0)
Sex (1/5) - [Disucssion of anatomy]
Language (1/5) - [F**k]
Drinking/Drugs (2/5) - [Alcohol, Medicinal drugs]
Content and Trigger Warnings - Gender dysphoria, Self harm, Talk of suicide, Mental illness, Loss of a loved one
Publication Date: November 12th, 2019
Publisher: Houghton Mifflin Harcourt
Genre: Memoir/LGBT
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4.5 stars! Raw and beautiful, this book brought me to tears multiple times! Review to come!
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September 29, 2019
I could not have selected a better or more inspiring book to read than Mimi Lemay’s dual story of discovering who we are despite outside pressures and assumptions.
The story centers around Em, her daughter, insisting that he is a boy. Despite all of the issues, Lemay and her husband decided to search for answers and find a course that could make Em find a true identity and ensure their family solidarity.
The story within the story is Lemay’s own transition from her stringent Orthodox Jewish roots to find her authentic self in the broader, secular community.
As a person who prepares students to teach, this is book that will be added to my syllabus. More and more, educators are dealing with situations of gender dysphoria. Schools are often asked to provide restrooms that are gender neutral or that provide the needed privacy for children who have not yet transitioned.
Lemay has also provided evidence from recent studies on the advantages of dealing with this early in life.
Her own story is equally fascinating and could have easily been a stand alone memoir like UNORTHODOX. I found both stories fascinating and I urge all educators to read this. I feel that I am still within the learning process, and hope that I can gain sufficient sensitivity and knowledge to deal with children and families handling their non-CIS gender child.
Bravo to Mimi and Jacob for their courage in sharing their journeys. Thanks NETGALLEY for this incredible learning experience.
The story centers around Em, her daughter, insisting that he is a boy. Despite all of the issues, Lemay and her husband decided to search for answers and find a course that could make Em find a true identity and ensure their family solidarity.
The story within the story is Lemay’s own transition from her stringent Orthodox Jewish roots to find her authentic self in the broader, secular community.
As a person who prepares students to teach, this is book that will be added to my syllabus. More and more, educators are dealing with situations of gender dysphoria. Schools are often asked to provide restrooms that are gender neutral or that provide the needed privacy for children who have not yet transitioned.
Lemay has also provided evidence from recent studies on the advantages of dealing with this early in life.
Her own story is equally fascinating and could have easily been a stand alone memoir like UNORTHODOX. I found both stories fascinating and I urge all educators to read this. I feel that I am still within the learning process, and hope that I can gain sufficient sensitivity and knowledge to deal with children and families handling their non-CIS gender child.
Bravo to Mimi and Jacob for their courage in sharing their journeys. Thanks NETGALLEY for this incredible learning experience.
December 28, 2019
I felt the transgender son storyline was just a subplot. The focus was mostly about the author and her upbringing.
January 23, 2020
Lemay’s experience as mother to Jacob was raw and authentic as she described her journey from confusion and powerlessness to insight and belief in her child and Jacob’s feelings and “choices.” She drew me in...not as much so with her own journey from Orthodox Jew to ?? But her experience as a mother who really listened to her child resonated with me and I’m so glad she continues to use her voice on behalf of transgender rights.
December 19, 2024
Maybe I relate to this book too closely to think it was handled well. I’m glad I read it. I’m not sure who I could recommend it to.
September 23, 2021
I loved this book and couldn’t stop reading. Truly amazing stories about transformations, love, and self acceptance.
June 21, 2020
What We Will Become: a Mother, a Son, and a Journey of Transformation is an amazing story of a family whose middle daughter, since the age of about 2 1/2, insists that she is a boy. ”A transgender identity is a deeply held, usually permanent identification with a gender that is different than the one you were assigned at birth based on your sex.” Initially believing that “Em” is deeply emeshed in her own make-believe, Lemay and her husband begin to struggle with her determination, her anger, her OCD-like behaviors and her isolation. As they seek guidance from medical professionals, transgender experts, friends and teachers they come to realize that Em is not “pitending,” that her acting out is a direct response to the anger she feels at not being recognized for who he is.
Between the story of the family’s struggles to understand, accept and support Em, aka Jacob, is the story of the author’s own childhood. Raised in a strict ultra-orthodox Jewish household with predetermined expectations for behaviors, education and marriage (often based on gender) she draws an analogy between the expectations foisted upon her, and those pushed onto her child - based on gender at birth.“ She shares her struggles with her overbearing, ultra-conservative mother and her determination not to be 'that mother' to her own children. "I marvel at how small I become when she is here, how I retreat in increments as she expands.”
"Children like Jacob have much to teach us about authenticity—about who we truly are, beneath and beyond our skin and bone. Until they are no longer punished for their nature, I will continue to speak out in the hopes that I can leave them a worthier, more accepting world.” " I continue to believe in the goodness of people and that sharing our story may contribute to a world where children can live as they are and become the adults they were meant to be.”
The strength, patience, love and understanding with which these parents listen to their child, and support him is truly remarkable. “Bravery is not being unafraid; rather, it is being afraid and doing something anyway.” An excellent book to read for Pride Month. (Note: there was too much detail in Jewish history and lessons for me, hence 4 stars instead of 5) ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
For more book reviews and recommendations follow me on Instagram at #emptynestreader and on Goodreads and facebook.
#whatwewillbecome #amotherasonandajourneyoftransformation #mimilemay #houghtonmifflinharcourt #nonfiction #bookstagram #bookstagrammer #bookstagramalabama #bookstagrammichigan #bookreview #bookreviewer #bookrecommendations #readingbringsjoy #whatimreading #booksilove #goodreadschallenge #igbooks #bookfetish #junereads #readalittlelearnalittlelivealittle #ebooks #librarybooks #kindle #kindlebooks #LGBTQ #pridemonth #transgender #genderdysphoria
Between the story of the family’s struggles to understand, accept and support Em, aka Jacob, is the story of the author’s own childhood. Raised in a strict ultra-orthodox Jewish household with predetermined expectations for behaviors, education and marriage (often based on gender) she draws an analogy between the expectations foisted upon her, and those pushed onto her child - based on gender at birth.“ She shares her struggles with her overbearing, ultra-conservative mother and her determination not to be 'that mother' to her own children. "I marvel at how small I become when she is here, how I retreat in increments as she expands.”
"Children like Jacob have much to teach us about authenticity—about who we truly are, beneath and beyond our skin and bone. Until they are no longer punished for their nature, I will continue to speak out in the hopes that I can leave them a worthier, more accepting world.” " I continue to believe in the goodness of people and that sharing our story may contribute to a world where children can live as they are and become the adults they were meant to be.”
The strength, patience, love and understanding with which these parents listen to their child, and support him is truly remarkable. “Bravery is not being unafraid; rather, it is being afraid and doing something anyway.” An excellent book to read for Pride Month. (Note: there was too much detail in Jewish history and lessons for me, hence 4 stars instead of 5) ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
For more book reviews and recommendations follow me on Instagram at #emptynestreader and on Goodreads and facebook.
#whatwewillbecome #amotherasonandajourneyoftransformation #mimilemay #houghtonmifflinharcourt #nonfiction #bookstagram #bookstagrammer #bookstagramalabama #bookstagrammichigan #bookreview #bookreviewer #bookrecommendations #readingbringsjoy #whatimreading #booksilove #goodreadschallenge #igbooks #bookfetish #junereads #readalittlelearnalittlelivealittle #ebooks #librarybooks #kindle #kindlebooks #LGBTQ #pridemonth #transgender #genderdysphoria
March 18, 2020
Mimi Lemay, author of What We Will Become: A Mother, a Son, and a Journey of Transformation, is a talented writer. I want more of her story and more of Jacob's story.
June 12, 2023
This is our current book club selection -- a memoir by a woman who leaves an orthodox faith to later become the mother of a (very young) transgender child. To say that her personal journey took her a long way from the place she started is, at best, a vast understatement! I will say that I think the author's own childhood experiences left her uniquely positioned to entertain the notion that her child did not feel at home in her community, her family, and in fact, her own body. Whether or not I would have made the same decision for a child so young is beside the point -- I read memoirs to expand my own experience and consider the decisions of others.
I will be sorry to miss this meeting of our work-based book club (I'm traveling) because I anticipate a wide range of opinions and emotions, at least if everyone decides to be honest, and therefore, a lively discussion.
I will be sorry to miss this meeting of our work-based book club (I'm traveling) because I anticipate a wide range of opinions and emotions, at least if everyone decides to be honest, and therefore, a lively discussion.
March 29, 2020
If I could give this book 10 stars I would. I knew the general story about the family from being a New Englander and reading about them in local newspapers (they live in my sister's town of Melrose, MA) but really didn't expect the backstory of Mimi's ultra-Orthodox upbringing and what she had to do to live her own authentic life. While reading the letter that Mimi wrote to Jacob which went viral in 2015, I had to flip back and forth to look at the photos of Em and then Jacob. The life in his eyes after his transition was amazing to see, I'm even getting teary-eyed thinking about it. A wonderful book about a wonderful family - best of luck to them all.
May 29, 2021
I cannot express in words how much this book impacted me—as a believer in God that once distanced myself from Them, as a mother, as a member of society, as a teacher in a public school. This story changed me. I am not the same person I was before this book. I am better. Thank you Jacob. Thank you Mimi. Thank you God for this book.
January 22, 2020
Loved this book so much. Everyone should read it :)
December 1, 2019
This book was very good, and I find myself now wanting to know more — about both transgender and Jewish populations. Loved the juxtaposition of her own upbringing and that of her own family. Most of all I loved the universal message of motherly love woken throughout. I highly recommend this book for that alone.
December 22, 2019
Everyone should read this book.
January 25, 2021
I'd give Jacob's story a 5+. It's honest, heartfelt, and just remarkable. He is an amazing young man and his parents are the very definition of love. The book got a little slow with Mimi's story, however. I think it belonged in the book, as it provided insight into the family dynamics, but it was just so long it became more of a distraction than an addition. Still, I would highly recommend this book. Lemay is a talented writer and a great mom. I look forward to hearing more about Jacob.
December 26, 2021
A very compelling memoir that segues from growing up in an Orthodox environment and chafing against the rules to recognizing her toddler was going through something similar with gender dysmorphia.
October 14, 2019
Beyond riveting. I wanted even more.
November 18, 2019
Beautiful, courageous book about a mother’s journey to recognize her child is transgender. This story is told parallel to the author’s history growing up Ultra Orthodox. The writing is brilliant and captivating, the story reminds us that openness and love are what we need most. Thank you, Mimi and Jacob for sharing your story with all of us. We are better for it. You have already touched so many lives and undoubtedly will touch so many more.
December 22, 2019
Sometimes when deciding how to deal with the future, it’s necessary to review your past – to understand your relationship with your parents before you can understand your relationship with your children. This is the case with Mimi Lemay whose memoir, “What We Will Become: A Mother, a Son, and a Journey of Transformation” (Houghton Mifflin Harcourt), offers two starting points: the first, what occurs when one of her young daughters declares she is a boy and, the second, when looking at her own troubled relationship with her mother.
See the rest of my review at http://www.thereportergroup.org/Artic...
See the rest of my review at http://www.thereportergroup.org/Artic...
March 8, 2020
Hard for me to decide where to start this review. But let me begin by stating that listening to Mimi narrate her book made my experience of listening even better. Audible's narrations are all wonderful but Mimi telling her story made it so real filled with nuance, textures and color.
What is so impressive about WHAT WE WILL BECOME is that while this is the very personal story of Mimi and Jacob and her other two daughters and her husband, it readily lends itself to inviting us to explore where we have come from , where we are now and where we are going.
I loved the alternating chapters delving into either Mimi's childhood and beyond and the chapters introducing us to Jacob’s life from the day he was born. As Mimi writes he knew all along that he was a boy even though at birth he was received into the world as a girl. Mimi writes so well about her and her husband’s confusion when they were confronted with Jacob’s, then M, refusal for being identified as a girl. Not having ever been exposed to such a predicament they reacted the way probably most of us would react.
Fortunately Jacob’s struggles triggered memories of Mimi growing up as an ultra orthodox Jewish woman. She describes in vivid language all she had to do to free herself of a life pathway her mother and community envisioned for her. Because she was older when she started to addressed the barriers she encountered she had the language and more resources to start her journey towards becoming who she wanted to be. Jacob is fortunate to have Mimi as his mother as she was able to recognize that he had a major struggle ahead of him without the age and language to be able to articulate what he was going through. Both are lucky that Joe played a major supportive and understanding role. Jacob’s sisters loved and supported him as he transitioned.
So in conclusion this is why this book is such an amazing and powerful document for all of us. Thank you Mimi and Jacob!
What is so impressive about WHAT WE WILL BECOME is that while this is the very personal story of Mimi and Jacob and her other two daughters and her husband, it readily lends itself to inviting us to explore where we have come from , where we are now and where we are going.
I loved the alternating chapters delving into either Mimi's childhood and beyond and the chapters introducing us to Jacob’s life from the day he was born. As Mimi writes he knew all along that he was a boy even though at birth he was received into the world as a girl. Mimi writes so well about her and her husband’s confusion when they were confronted with Jacob’s, then M, refusal for being identified as a girl. Not having ever been exposed to such a predicament they reacted the way probably most of us would react.
Fortunately Jacob’s struggles triggered memories of Mimi growing up as an ultra orthodox Jewish woman. She describes in vivid language all she had to do to free herself of a life pathway her mother and community envisioned for her. Because she was older when she started to addressed the barriers she encountered she had the language and more resources to start her journey towards becoming who she wanted to be. Jacob is fortunate to have Mimi as his mother as she was able to recognize that he had a major struggle ahead of him without the age and language to be able to articulate what he was going through. Both are lucky that Joe played a major supportive and understanding role. Jacob’s sisters loved and supported him as he transitioned.
So in conclusion this is why this book is such an amazing and powerful document for all of us. Thank you Mimi and Jacob!
May 9, 2021
What We Will Become: A Mother, a Son, and a Journey of Transformation
by Mimi Lemay
Published November 12, 2019
<3 I SO WANTED TO GIVE THIS MOM A HUG AND A VALIUM DURING THE HARDEST PARTS OF SHARING HER PAIN. AT LEAST THIS IS ONE LESS CHILD WITHOUT THE SUPPORT HE IS GOING TO NEED WHILE LIVING HIS TRUTH. HOPEFULLY THIS BOOK CAN BRING ABOUT ACCEPTANCE OF THESE INDIVIDUALS OR AT THE VERY LEAST FOLKS CAN MIND THEIR BUSINESS AND LET FOLKS LIVE THEIR TRUTH! #TRANSLIVESMATTER #LGBTQ+ #HUMANRIGHTS <3
A mother's memoir of her transgender child's odyssey, and her journey outside the boundaries of the faith and culture that shaped her.
From the age of two-and-a-half, Jacob, born "Em," adamantly told his family he was a boy. While his mother Mimi struggled to understand and come to terms with the fact that her child may be transgender, she experienced a sense of déjà vu—the journey to uncover the source of her child's inner turmoil unearthed ghosts from Mimi's past and her own struggle to live an authentic life.
Mimi was raised in an ultra-Orthodox Jewish family, every aspect of her life dictated by ancient rules and her role as a woman largely preordained from cradle to grave. As a young woman, Mimi wrestled with the demands of her faith and eventually made the painful decision to leave her religious community and the strict gender roles it upheld.
Having risen from the ashes of her former life, Mimi was prepared to help her son forge a new one — at a time when there was little consensus on how best to help young transgender children. Dual narratives of faith and motherhood weave together to form a heartfelt portrait of an unforgettable family. Brimming with love and courage, What We Will Become is a powerful testament to how painful events from the past can be redeemed to give us hope for the future.
by Mimi Lemay
Published November 12, 2019
<3 I SO WANTED TO GIVE THIS MOM A HUG AND A VALIUM DURING THE HARDEST PARTS OF SHARING HER PAIN. AT LEAST THIS IS ONE LESS CHILD WITHOUT THE SUPPORT HE IS GOING TO NEED WHILE LIVING HIS TRUTH. HOPEFULLY THIS BOOK CAN BRING ABOUT ACCEPTANCE OF THESE INDIVIDUALS OR AT THE VERY LEAST FOLKS CAN MIND THEIR BUSINESS AND LET FOLKS LIVE THEIR TRUTH! #TRANSLIVESMATTER #LGBTQ+ #HUMANRIGHTS <3
A mother's memoir of her transgender child's odyssey, and her journey outside the boundaries of the faith and culture that shaped her.
From the age of two-and-a-half, Jacob, born "Em," adamantly told his family he was a boy. While his mother Mimi struggled to understand and come to terms with the fact that her child may be transgender, she experienced a sense of déjà vu—the journey to uncover the source of her child's inner turmoil unearthed ghosts from Mimi's past and her own struggle to live an authentic life.
Mimi was raised in an ultra-Orthodox Jewish family, every aspect of her life dictated by ancient rules and her role as a woman largely preordained from cradle to grave. As a young woman, Mimi wrestled with the demands of her faith and eventually made the painful decision to leave her religious community and the strict gender roles it upheld.
Having risen from the ashes of her former life, Mimi was prepared to help her son forge a new one — at a time when there was little consensus on how best to help young transgender children. Dual narratives of faith and motherhood weave together to form a heartfelt portrait of an unforgettable family. Brimming with love and courage, What We Will Become is a powerful testament to how painful events from the past can be redeemed to give us hope for the future.
June 12, 2021
This was a beautiful and inspiring read, and I'm glad I picked it up. This was a kind of dual memoir. The book flipped between Mimi Lemay's transgender child's transition and her personal journey with her faith and culture.
Jacob, born "Em," insisted he was a boy from the age of 2 and a half. Mimi and her husband, Joe, originally struggled with understanding that her young child might be transgender. They spent a lot of time searching for help and answers so they could be supportive parents and help their child be happy and true to themselves.
The other part of the story revolves around Mimi's upbringing with a very Orthodox mother, and her struggles with faith. She struggled with the roles gender played in her upbringing as well as the demands by both her culture and, more particularly, her mother.
This is kind of a story of three generations, how different they all are, their different upbringings and the decisions they all made to get to where they are today.
For a while, I was really confused why the author decided to go with a dual narrative and switch off chapters between her story of motherhood and her story with Orthodox Judaism, but it kinda made sense at the end. I wish it connected in more of a full circle moment, but it did eventually have a connection. There were times that I felt I was reading two different stories, though I didn't mind it because I enjoyed both of them.
There's a lot to take from this book, whether you learn something new about Orthodox Judaism or transgender children. Overall, this is a story about love, identity, acceptance and the importance of family, no matter the differences.
Jacob, born "Em," insisted he was a boy from the age of 2 and a half. Mimi and her husband, Joe, originally struggled with understanding that her young child might be transgender. They spent a lot of time searching for help and answers so they could be supportive parents and help their child be happy and true to themselves.
The other part of the story revolves around Mimi's upbringing with a very Orthodox mother, and her struggles with faith. She struggled with the roles gender played in her upbringing as well as the demands by both her culture and, more particularly, her mother.
This is kind of a story of three generations, how different they all are, their different upbringings and the decisions they all made to get to where they are today.
For a while, I was really confused why the author decided to go with a dual narrative and switch off chapters between her story of motherhood and her story with Orthodox Judaism, but it kinda made sense at the end. I wish it connected in more of a full circle moment, but it did eventually have a connection. There were times that I felt I was reading two different stories, though I didn't mind it because I enjoyed both of them.
There's a lot to take from this book, whether you learn something new about Orthodox Judaism or transgender children. Overall, this is a story about love, identity, acceptance and the importance of family, no matter the differences.
January 23, 2020
It's rare that I bring home a library book I've reserved (sometimes many months prior, but in this case, just two months ago), read the inside cover flap as I'm putting away my coat (usually to remind myself why I was on my reserve/hold list), then immediately start reading. It's even more rare when 28 hours later-- despite entertaining guests for three hours, hosting a meeting that I also had to prepare for, and various other miscellany--I finish the book and sit sobbing over it after I've closed it for the last time.
This is a beautiful work and one that, I believe, will last beyond fad. Not only is it a gripping saga of a young child's gender dysphoria woven into the story of his brilliant mother's heartrending walk-away from her conservative Jewish orthodoxy upbringing, but it is so well written, it would stand as a brilliant work, even if it were fiction! But it isn't!
I wasn't sobbing last night because the story was sad; nor was I sobbing because of the overarching love and faith that provide resolution. I was sobbing because it was told so well, allowing empathy and sympathy and intellectual clarity to meld with faith. This is a brilliant memoir. No one could read this and not be moved by the determination and love expressed by Mimi Lemay in this beautiful work.
This is a beautiful work and one that, I believe, will last beyond fad. Not only is it a gripping saga of a young child's gender dysphoria woven into the story of his brilliant mother's heartrending walk-away from her conservative Jewish orthodoxy upbringing, but it is so well written, it would stand as a brilliant work, even if it were fiction! But it isn't!
I wasn't sobbing last night because the story was sad; nor was I sobbing because of the overarching love and faith that provide resolution. I was sobbing because it was told so well, allowing empathy and sympathy and intellectual clarity to meld with faith. This is a brilliant memoir. No one could read this and not be moved by the determination and love expressed by Mimi Lemay in this beautiful work.
July 2, 2020
I came across Jacob’s journey a year after starting my own and I was immediately moved by his story. At the time, the resources to help people in the trans community were very limited; a matter which is addressed in the book. Now, nearly 5 years later, I find myself better acquainted with his story through the book his mother, Mimi has written; which incorporates her own journey through her faith and an exploration of her own identity.
The further I got into the book, the more I was able to see where the alternating timelines intertwined. Some of the things Mimi learned after escaping the restrictions of her upbringing easily apply to what she will learn about raising a transgender child. In their own ways, mother and son feel trapped by the expectations that have been set out for them and they are determined to show others that they are meant for greater things.
I believe that the length of the book and the alternating timelines are necessary tools to showcase that finding yourself is a long winding road that often takes years. But with the right people and resources, you will get there in due time.
Another story that I highly recommend as a resource for people who seek to become (better) allies to their LGBTQ+ friends and family.
The further I got into the book, the more I was able to see where the alternating timelines intertwined. Some of the things Mimi learned after escaping the restrictions of her upbringing easily apply to what she will learn about raising a transgender child. In their own ways, mother and son feel trapped by the expectations that have been set out for them and they are determined to show others that they are meant for greater things.
I believe that the length of the book and the alternating timelines are necessary tools to showcase that finding yourself is a long winding road that often takes years. But with the right people and resources, you will get there in due time.
Another story that I highly recommend as a resource for people who seek to become (better) allies to their LGBTQ+ friends and family.
November 18, 2019
This book is so, so good. My entire weekend has been engulfed, so be warned.
It’s the story of crossing the threshold between lonely, heartbreaking, unfulfilling safety, through the dark night of the soul into what ultimately becomes purpose and fulfillment.
The question that builds softly and ultimately belts, asks of our duty to bring our gifts to full expression as divine actualization. Mimi’s extraordinary intellect (and beauty) are in humble yet exquisite display throughout the book. They explode in a blossom of brilliance as the book takes you through an awakening that spans generations to realize an integral purpose in service, justice and freedom for others.
“What we will become” is thought provoking, laugh-out-funny, uplifting, tear inducing and awe strikingly heartfelt.
Well paced and constructed, expertly crafted and extremely easy to read.
A reminder that if we can, we must be brave and brilliant like Mimi and Jacob. And that if you can’t, that we still deserve and need complete and unconditional love.
Written on a phone on the train, please excuse any spelling or syntax errors.
It’s the story of crossing the threshold between lonely, heartbreaking, unfulfilling safety, through the dark night of the soul into what ultimately becomes purpose and fulfillment.
The question that builds softly and ultimately belts, asks of our duty to bring our gifts to full expression as divine actualization. Mimi’s extraordinary intellect (and beauty) are in humble yet exquisite display throughout the book. They explode in a blossom of brilliance as the book takes you through an awakening that spans generations to realize an integral purpose in service, justice and freedom for others.
“What we will become” is thought provoking, laugh-out-funny, uplifting, tear inducing and awe strikingly heartfelt.
Well paced and constructed, expertly crafted and extremely easy to read.
A reminder that if we can, we must be brave and brilliant like Mimi and Jacob. And that if you can’t, that we still deserve and need complete and unconditional love.
Written on a phone on the train, please excuse any spelling or syntax errors.
October 19, 2019
This book was received as an ARC from Houghton Mifflin Harcourt in exchange for an honest review. Opinions and thoughts expressed in this review are completely my own.
I have heard this story before on a 20/20 special on transgender and its impact on America and heard the story of Mimi and her then daughter Em who kept telling everyone that she was a boy and then later went transitioned and now is named Jacob. Hearing Mimi's story and how this movement impacted her life was very life changing and inspiring to read. Hearing the heartfelt emotions that both Mimi and Jacob had to go through was very brave and will inspire a lot of people but most importantly impact the transgender movement by education. This book brought me to tears and I could feel the emotions and pain both of them are going through this powerful movement and having a story to tell throughout the country.
We will consider adding this title to our Biography collection at the library. That is why we give this book 5 stars.
I have heard this story before on a 20/20 special on transgender and its impact on America and heard the story of Mimi and her then daughter Em who kept telling everyone that she was a boy and then later went transitioned and now is named Jacob. Hearing Mimi's story and how this movement impacted her life was very life changing and inspiring to read. Hearing the heartfelt emotions that both Mimi and Jacob had to go through was very brave and will inspire a lot of people but most importantly impact the transgender movement by education. This book brought me to tears and I could feel the emotions and pain both of them are going through this powerful movement and having a story to tell throughout the country.
We will consider adding this title to our Biography collection at the library. That is why we give this book 5 stars.
January 11, 2020
I wondered a quarter the way through the book why I was getting a dissertation on the author's life as an Orthodox Jew as seriously what did that have to do with the subject of the book?!
But the author introduced Genesis Ch 27 and indicated that God orchestrated the exchange between Jacob, Isaac, and Esau. He knew the outcome because he engineered the moment, in the same way, God engineered her life in and out of Orthodox Judaism. If she had taken the teachings of the Torah to heart and she did for a bit, but if she had believed with all her soul then the resistance to being held intellectually inferior to a husband would not have been so hard to take. If she hadn't railed against the teachings, "My Jacob, my son, could not have survived the world that I escaped. His light would surely have been diminished or worse, put out." "It was my leaving that brought this child to me, not as a punishment but as a most sacred gift. And he has arrived, not a moment too soon, not a moment too late, bringing with him my own redemption".
Damn good book!
But the author introduced Genesis Ch 27 and indicated that God orchestrated the exchange between Jacob, Isaac, and Esau. He knew the outcome because he engineered the moment, in the same way, God engineered her life in and out of Orthodox Judaism. If she had taken the teachings of the Torah to heart and she did for a bit, but if she had believed with all her soul then the resistance to being held intellectually inferior to a husband would not have been so hard to take. If she hadn't railed against the teachings, "My Jacob, my son, could not have survived the world that I escaped. His light would surely have been diminished or worse, put out." "It was my leaving that brought this child to me, not as a punishment but as a most sacred gift. And he has arrived, not a moment too soon, not a moment too late, bringing with him my own redemption".
Damn good book!
July 8, 2020
Marking it as spoilers, but if you read the book description or the reviews on the cover you basically already know about these things.
I almost rated this book 4 stars, but the majority of the time I felt like I was pushing myself through it. The majority of the book was the author switching back and forth between her childhood with her orthodox jewish mother and upbringing and the time after her son's birth where they were still figuring out that he was trans. The chapters on her were much longer it felt like... but I picked up the book because I wanted to hear about her experience with Jacob. I was expecting some talk of her childhood, it's hinted at on the cover... I just expected more focus on Jacob. The finally few chapters the focus was fully on Jacob and I LOVED them. I would definitely suggest others read it, just be warned that a lot of the book is moreso about her than her experience with her son or his experience.
I almost rated this book 4 stars, but the majority of the time I felt like I was pushing myself through it. The majority of the book was the author switching back and forth between her childhood with her orthodox jewish mother and upbringing and the time after her son's birth where they were still figuring out that he was trans. The chapters on her were much longer it felt like... but I picked up the book because I wanted to hear about her experience with Jacob. I was expecting some talk of her childhood, it's hinted at on the cover... I just expected more focus on Jacob. The finally few chapters the focus was fully on Jacob and I LOVED them. I would definitely suggest others read it, just be warned that a lot of the book is moreso about her than her experience with her son or his experience.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
March 8, 2020
What a profound story, beautifully written, interweaving Mimi's transition from an ultra-observant Hasidic Jewish lifestyle, with the realization that her second child, born a female, was in fact a transgender boy. The book is tender, and heart-breaking in places, but it helped to increase my understanding that transgender people don't just arrive at that realization when they reach puberty or beyond. Science is discovering possible biological reasons why "the head and heart don't match the body," and though it at first seemed implausible that a child as young as three could identify their gender, I now understand there is a difference between gender identity and sexual preference. If you are a mother, you won't get through it without tears, but this book is a fabulous addition to anyone who wants to understand that we are complicated people, even at a tender age!
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