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Silent Souls Weeping: Depression—Sharing Stories, Finding Hope
In a culture that strives for happiness and perfection, depression and mental illness are often surrounded by stigma, misunderstanding, and endless questions. In Silent Souls Weeping, bestselling author and nationally-recognized journalist Jane Clayson Johnson hopes to change the LDS dialogue and cultural stigmas surrounding mental illness. She vulnerably shares her own experience with depression along with the experiences of many other Latter-day Saints, offering support to those suffering and understanding to those loving someone with depression.
169 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 31, 2019
282 people are currently reading
2346 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 633 reviews
October 16, 2019
Seriously insightful for those with depression, those that have loved ones with it or even for those that just want to better understand what they can do for those around them that have it and how best to be there for someone. I love that this talked about different forms of depression and had a lot of different perspectives from people suffering from it and those that are helping those around them with it. It even (tactfully) discussed suicide.
Most of all I think this offers so many out there hope. Hope that things will get better, hope that others understand, and hope that this isn't a stigma, that it is something that we are all still learning about and hopefully being compassionate about.
I definitely recommend it.
Most of all I think this offers so many out there hope. Hope that things will get better, hope that others understand, and hope that this isn't a stigma, that it is something that we are all still learning about and hopefully being compassionate about.
I definitely recommend it.
July 31, 2019
My mom bought me this book as she thought it would help me out in my life at this time.
This book is about General Depression, as in clinical depression that often creeps up on most of humanity at some point in our lives. It isn't the 'lows' of life, that down feeling you get under certain circumstances happening at some time, it is really about the mental illness, or "brain disease", as she calls it. Because that's what it is! She explains in detail how it is NO different than diabetes or cancer or other physical maladies and diseases. It just haunts the brain itself and the part of the brain that houses emotions.
Depression is usually caused by dysfunction of certain neurotransmitters in the brain. Just like dysfunctions in other parts of the body, it needs to be addressed. Many times certain medications can help with the symptoms though it can be difficult and take time to find the right one(s) to work for each individual, this coupled with therapy--individual, group, and family. Also, she notes that one of the most effective and important healing and comfort for those suffering from this illness is just talking about it with other people who try to understand. Even if they've never experienced it themselves, they have a listening ear, sympathy and love. This can have great positive effects on the depressed person.
The author, Jane Clayson Johnson is a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and writes more toward that audience. She does this for several reasons which I will get into later.
This book is very well written and very well researched and documented. The best and most poignant overall writing of the book, is the interviews she has with different people of all ages, genders, sexual-orientations, active members and less active members, race, etc. She does not discriminate between people, only the fact that the people she did interview are all members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. She does contain the subject of her writing to depression only, excluding other mental illnesses, but she states that other illnesses of the brain deserve just as much attention.
I enjoyed this book because in the various interviews with those people suffering or who have suffered in the past with depression basically put into words feelings I have felt myself and haven't been able to adequately explain. People who have never experienced clinical depression really don't know what it feels like, though the ones who care do try to understand. It is debilitating! One can get to the point of not even being able to get out of bed. Taking a shower can be the one huge victory of the day and that alone zaps any energy we have mustered. Some people endure this stage for months, others less time. But the feelings are the same.
One example she used was two sisters who both struggled with physical illnesses. The one sister had stage 4 cancer, the other was in deep clinical depression. Both had been hospitalized more than once. The one with depression was interviewed and she actually said she'd give anything to trade her sister places. Her sister would be flooded with flowers, cards, visitors, and well-wishes, whereas the sister with depression rarely or never got visitors, cards, flowers, or any recognition at all. She feels people just saying "there she goes again, back in the hospital!". This alone makes her depression even worse. Jane says that she really feels for these different people and the next time she heard that this lady was in the psychiatric hospital, she sent her a card and said "I know that you are here, really only on life support". And it's true! People don't think how devastating this illness really is! It does lead many to take their own lives. Some do make it to the hospital and get the help and medications they need, others just want to end their suffering. I remember several times thinking "nothing can be worse than the way I feel right now". Even knowing what I do about the Church and its stand on suicide and the hereafter. When in depression, we just don't care about anything!
She talks about perfectionism. I know there are many people in the world, both in and out of this church who have this tendency. It is much more prevalent in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Even in the Bible, when Christ is talking about the beatitudes. He says lastly "be ye therefor perfect". And a lot of us take that literally! We believe that this is the time to prepare to meet God. This is our probationary state, this short mortality. This is our only chance we have to be better and become the person we are supposed to be, to become more like our Perfect Example, Jesus Christ. When we see all our faults, mistakes, and imperfections, it gets us down. Those who fall into perfectionism feel this even more. This can lead to depression. Statistically, Utah has a higher rate of people with depression than any other state, also statistically, it has the highest number of members of the Church residing here. This is not coincidental. We have a living Prophet and 12 living Apostles who lead and guide the Church. They receive revelation directly from God and issue His council to us as members for our life in these days. One Apostle, Elder Jeffrey R. Holland (who happens to be my personal favorite), spoke at a worldwide General Conference about this very subject. The title of his talk is "Be Ye Therefore Perfect...Eventually". It is excellent! It addresses all those who feel they have only this earthly life to become perfect. This isn't true! It's NOT what Christ had in mind when he commanded us to become perfect. He states that in Him, through His Atonement, we can repent of our sins and mistakes, try to be better, but we are human and will always fail in one way or another. Basically, the doctrine of the Church is try your best and rely on God's grace and Christ's love for the rest. Leave it to Him to make up the difference. He suffered for us so we don't have to suffer! So why do we put ourselves through this by trying to be perfect NOW? This is just unnecessary. I'm really glad she dedicated a whole chapter to just this one topic.
She also speaks throughout the book about the stigma associated with mental illness. It is there and it IS VERY REAL! I'm sure you've heard about it, and maybe you feel a bit of it yourself or see it in others. This stigma can isolate those with mental illness even more. We feel ashamed to admit that we have a 'mental' problem, seemingly something we should be able to control. We think others think we are weak, have no will, aren't strong enough to face everyday challenges. This isn't true! I will say from my own experience and what I've learned in the last 22 years, that I AM A SURVIVOR! I don't believe I'm weak. I don't believe I can't face life's challenges like other people can. But I admit that in the times when the illness strikes, no, I can't even seem to face another day. I wish to sleep forever and never wake up.
There are many other chapters she devotes to different types of depression, different symptoms and different coping mechanisms. She delves into post-partum depression. She relates depression that even those with higher callings like bishops and mission leaders suffer. She has interviewed them and shares their own insights on how they make it and they are still here. They are still alive.
Depression can be taxing on loved ones, too. Especially those who just don't understand. It is NOT something someone currently suffering can "snap out of", "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" "pray more" "read your scriptures more" "you must be doing something wrong and this is your curse" and there are many more words of 'advice' that we are given. Most of the people giving this advice are our own family members or other loved ones. They don't know what they are saying. though they do mean well. One thing that Ms. Johnson stated, is that some members, WHILE suffering with depression actually become closer to the Spirit of God, they read their scriptures even more and pray more fervently than ever. But people don't know that.
Basically, this book is for everyone! It is for the general public...to minimize at least a little, some of the stigma. For family members and loved ones who have to deal with the person suffering from depression, and also those who have or have had depression in their lives to know that they aren't alone. Many other people suffer or have suffered, too. Most have made it or are making it through this struggle. (there were a couple instances in the book that the interviews were with the mothers of two teenagers who had committed suicide). I highly recommend this book.
Now that I have raved and commended the book, I don't remember why I only gave it four stars, I'll see if I can change that. It is a five-star book. A necessary book. A must-read in my opinion. Take it for what it's worth.
This book is about General Depression, as in clinical depression that often creeps up on most of humanity at some point in our lives. It isn't the 'lows' of life, that down feeling you get under certain circumstances happening at some time, it is really about the mental illness, or "brain disease", as she calls it. Because that's what it is! She explains in detail how it is NO different than diabetes or cancer or other physical maladies and diseases. It just haunts the brain itself and the part of the brain that houses emotions.
Depression is usually caused by dysfunction of certain neurotransmitters in the brain. Just like dysfunctions in other parts of the body, it needs to be addressed. Many times certain medications can help with the symptoms though it can be difficult and take time to find the right one(s) to work for each individual, this coupled with therapy--individual, group, and family. Also, she notes that one of the most effective and important healing and comfort for those suffering from this illness is just talking about it with other people who try to understand. Even if they've never experienced it themselves, they have a listening ear, sympathy and love. This can have great positive effects on the depressed person.
The author, Jane Clayson Johnson is a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and writes more toward that audience. She does this for several reasons which I will get into later.
This book is very well written and very well researched and documented. The best and most poignant overall writing of the book, is the interviews she has with different people of all ages, genders, sexual-orientations, active members and less active members, race, etc. She does not discriminate between people, only the fact that the people she did interview are all members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. She does contain the subject of her writing to depression only, excluding other mental illnesses, but she states that other illnesses of the brain deserve just as much attention.
I enjoyed this book because in the various interviews with those people suffering or who have suffered in the past with depression basically put into words feelings I have felt myself and haven't been able to adequately explain. People who have never experienced clinical depression really don't know what it feels like, though the ones who care do try to understand. It is debilitating! One can get to the point of not even being able to get out of bed. Taking a shower can be the one huge victory of the day and that alone zaps any energy we have mustered. Some people endure this stage for months, others less time. But the feelings are the same.
One example she used was two sisters who both struggled with physical illnesses. The one sister had stage 4 cancer, the other was in deep clinical depression. Both had been hospitalized more than once. The one with depression was interviewed and she actually said she'd give anything to trade her sister places. Her sister would be flooded with flowers, cards, visitors, and well-wishes, whereas the sister with depression rarely or never got visitors, cards, flowers, or any recognition at all. She feels people just saying "there she goes again, back in the hospital!". This alone makes her depression even worse. Jane says that she really feels for these different people and the next time she heard that this lady was in the psychiatric hospital, she sent her a card and said "I know that you are here, really only on life support". And it's true! People don't think how devastating this illness really is! It does lead many to take their own lives. Some do make it to the hospital and get the help and medications they need, others just want to end their suffering. I remember several times thinking "nothing can be worse than the way I feel right now". Even knowing what I do about the Church and its stand on suicide and the hereafter. When in depression, we just don't care about anything!
She talks about perfectionism. I know there are many people in the world, both in and out of this church who have this tendency. It is much more prevalent in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Even in the Bible, when Christ is talking about the beatitudes. He says lastly "be ye therefor perfect". And a lot of us take that literally! We believe that this is the time to prepare to meet God. This is our probationary state, this short mortality. This is our only chance we have to be better and become the person we are supposed to be, to become more like our Perfect Example, Jesus Christ. When we see all our faults, mistakes, and imperfections, it gets us down. Those who fall into perfectionism feel this even more. This can lead to depression. Statistically, Utah has a higher rate of people with depression than any other state, also statistically, it has the highest number of members of the Church residing here. This is not coincidental. We have a living Prophet and 12 living Apostles who lead and guide the Church. They receive revelation directly from God and issue His council to us as members for our life in these days. One Apostle, Elder Jeffrey R. Holland (who happens to be my personal favorite), spoke at a worldwide General Conference about this very subject. The title of his talk is "Be Ye Therefore Perfect...Eventually". It is excellent! It addresses all those who feel they have only this earthly life to become perfect. This isn't true! It's NOT what Christ had in mind when he commanded us to become perfect. He states that in Him, through His Atonement, we can repent of our sins and mistakes, try to be better, but we are human and will always fail in one way or another. Basically, the doctrine of the Church is try your best and rely on God's grace and Christ's love for the rest. Leave it to Him to make up the difference. He suffered for us so we don't have to suffer! So why do we put ourselves through this by trying to be perfect NOW? This is just unnecessary. I'm really glad she dedicated a whole chapter to just this one topic.
She also speaks throughout the book about the stigma associated with mental illness. It is there and it IS VERY REAL! I'm sure you've heard about it, and maybe you feel a bit of it yourself or see it in others. This stigma can isolate those with mental illness even more. We feel ashamed to admit that we have a 'mental' problem, seemingly something we should be able to control. We think others think we are weak, have no will, aren't strong enough to face everyday challenges. This isn't true! I will say from my own experience and what I've learned in the last 22 years, that I AM A SURVIVOR! I don't believe I'm weak. I don't believe I can't face life's challenges like other people can. But I admit that in the times when the illness strikes, no, I can't even seem to face another day. I wish to sleep forever and never wake up.
There are many other chapters she devotes to different types of depression, different symptoms and different coping mechanisms. She delves into post-partum depression. She relates depression that even those with higher callings like bishops and mission leaders suffer. She has interviewed them and shares their own insights on how they make it and they are still here. They are still alive.
Depression can be taxing on loved ones, too. Especially those who just don't understand. It is NOT something someone currently suffering can "snap out of", "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" "pray more" "read your scriptures more" "you must be doing something wrong and this is your curse" and there are many more words of 'advice' that we are given. Most of the people giving this advice are our own family members or other loved ones. They don't know what they are saying. though they do mean well. One thing that Ms. Johnson stated, is that some members, WHILE suffering with depression actually become closer to the Spirit of God, they read their scriptures even more and pray more fervently than ever. But people don't know that.
Basically, this book is for everyone! It is for the general public...to minimize at least a little, some of the stigma. For family members and loved ones who have to deal with the person suffering from depression, and also those who have or have had depression in their lives to know that they aren't alone. Many other people suffer or have suffered, too. Most have made it or are making it through this struggle. (there were a couple instances in the book that the interviews were with the mothers of two teenagers who had committed suicide). I highly recommend this book.
Now that I have raved and commended the book, I don't remember why I only gave it four stars, I'll see if I can change that. It is a five-star book. A necessary book. A must-read in my opinion. Take it for what it's worth.
January 13, 2019
There is much to celebrate with the publication of this book: it's a conversation starter for the important discussions members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints need to have regarding depression; it calls out the toxic perfectionism in our culture as a force that complicates symptoms of depression; it addresses depression in missionaries and youth; it looks at suicide as an epidemic in society; and so much more.
I love that topics are explored through the stories and experiences of the people the author interviewed for the book. It really helps combat the feeling of isolation depression engenders. And it also adds a good deal of straight-talk to the book—the details feel as dark and raw as depression does. A particularly helpful chapter discusses the spiritual implications of depression and the feeling of sheer abandonment from God that so often settles in with the disease.
The author doesn't, of course, offer a cure for depression. This is not a self-help book. It is a book about the people who deal with depression and the hope and despair they feel in their journeys. I highly recommend it to those who have depression and for the parents, children, siblings, leaders, and others who love them.
I love that topics are explored through the stories and experiences of the people the author interviewed for the book. It really helps combat the feeling of isolation depression engenders. And it also adds a good deal of straight-talk to the book—the details feel as dark and raw as depression does. A particularly helpful chapter discusses the spiritual implications of depression and the feeling of sheer abandonment from God that so often settles in with the disease.
The author doesn't, of course, offer a cure for depression. This is not a self-help book. It is a book about the people who deal with depression and the hope and despair they feel in their journeys. I highly recommend it to those who have depression and for the parents, children, siblings, leaders, and others who love them.
January 17, 2019
I absolutely loved this book! I, myself, have struggled with depression and found so much hope and validation in this book. Jane is incredibly vulnerable as she shares her own personal battle with depression. She also does a wonderful job sharing other individual's stories of their struggle. She does a great job of sharing the realities of what people go through while suffering from depression, as well as offering nuggets of wisdom and hope. Even if you don't struggle with depression, chances are you know someone who does. It would be a great resource to help you understand what your loved one is going through, and how you might help. I highly recommend this book!
November 18, 2025
I'm very serious when I say this is one of the most important and impactful books I've ever read, and perhaps one of the most important and impactful books I'll ever read. I loved it... so much so that I think I've purchased about 4 copies already for people I love and have recommended it dozens of times, and all before I even finished it myself. I heard about it from my sweet friend and neighbor who is in the Relief Society presidency of the ward, and she said that our Stake President purchased a copy for every Bishopric and Relief Society presidency member in our whole stake and pled with them to read it right away. That obviously made me want to read it, and I'm so glad I did.
I personally do not struggle with depression or anxiety. I have had some low moments that were situational so there were parts of these stories that resonated with me on a personal level, but the entire book really struck me because I love many people who struggle with depression and anxiety in similar ways to the men and women in this book. I learned SO MUCH about how to help and, perhaps more importantly, how to try to understand. The medical explanations, the analogies, and the personal experiences shared throughout were just incredible. I appreciated that the author approached many different angles and acknowledged that depression impacts people in very different ways, but that certain principles were typically true across the board. The chapter on loving and trying to help those battling mental disorders rung very, very true to me and I really appreciated the many suggestions.
I highlighted the heck out of this book. I will use it as a resource for years to come and I cannot recommend it enough. If I could have read one book this whole year, it would be this one. Please seek to understand those fighting these mental battles. This book has helped me to put others' struggles into helpful context by helping me to understand what is and is NOT in their control. I think I'm walking away from this with significantly more compassion and empathy and significantly less judgement or confusion... or paralysis of not being sure what to do and what to say.
Read it. Read it now. Put down any other book you're reading and start this one today.
-----------------------------------------------------
I re-read this book because I found myself struggling with my own mental state after having my fourth baby. This book was such a balm, truly. I felt validated, comforted, and encouraged reading the stories of others. It gave me so many ideas of things to try and ways to move forward. Though I'm already feeling much more like myself, this book genuinely helped me during a difficult and confusing time. The first time I read it, I read it to better understand others. The second time I read it to better understand myself, and to feel understood. Highly highly recommend.
I personally do not struggle with depression or anxiety. I have had some low moments that were situational so there were parts of these stories that resonated with me on a personal level, but the entire book really struck me because I love many people who struggle with depression and anxiety in similar ways to the men and women in this book. I learned SO MUCH about how to help and, perhaps more importantly, how to try to understand. The medical explanations, the analogies, and the personal experiences shared throughout were just incredible. I appreciated that the author approached many different angles and acknowledged that depression impacts people in very different ways, but that certain principles were typically true across the board. The chapter on loving and trying to help those battling mental disorders rung very, very true to me and I really appreciated the many suggestions.
I highlighted the heck out of this book. I will use it as a resource for years to come and I cannot recommend it enough. If I could have read one book this whole year, it would be this one. Please seek to understand those fighting these mental battles. This book has helped me to put others' struggles into helpful context by helping me to understand what is and is NOT in their control. I think I'm walking away from this with significantly more compassion and empathy and significantly less judgement or confusion... or paralysis of not being sure what to do and what to say.
Read it. Read it now. Put down any other book you're reading and start this one today.
-----------------------------------------------------
I re-read this book because I found myself struggling with my own mental state after having my fourth baby. This book was such a balm, truly. I felt validated, comforted, and encouraged reading the stories of others. It gave me so many ideas of things to try and ways to move forward. Though I'm already feeling much more like myself, this book genuinely helped me during a difficult and confusing time. The first time I read it, I read it to better understand others. The second time I read it to better understand myself, and to feel understood. Highly highly recommend.
March 6, 2019
One of the many people Jane interviewed while writing this book was my husband. While he doesn't deal with mental illness first hand he's learned a lot about supporting a spouse through it. It has not been easy but we have both learned and grown together through this struggle.
Please take the time to read this book. It offers hope to anyone struggling with mental anguish. It offers empathy to those looking on, wondering how to help. It is full of wisdom, beauty, and compassion.
Please take the time to read this book. It offers hope to anyone struggling with mental anguish. It offers empathy to those looking on, wondering how to help. It is full of wisdom, beauty, and compassion.
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April 18, 2020I have two ratings for this book, a 5 and a 3. I love and appreciate this book for it's ability to bring to light and discuss mental illness in a way that moves us as a society more toward breaking the stigmas associated with it. In that sense, I'd give it a 5 star rating. I think it's a very important read for any who haven't suffered from mental illness as an introduction to understanding. I think it should be read by any in leadership positions within the Church of Jesus Christ of latter-day saints or any member really, that doesn't understand mental illness.
As a long-time sufferer of mental illness, I would probably rate the book a 3. I appreciated hearing others experiences with mental illness and the effort put into showing that many people suffer and you aren't alone. I wanted to exultantly say, yes! when some things resonated with me that I have wanted other people to understand. I consistently thought, I wish everyone understood this. Yet, for me, as a sufferer, and I can only speak for myself, it wasn't really helpful. I didn't feel I left with any new strategies to try or greater compassion with myself. I did appreciate the perspectives from people supporting those with mental illness, but that only caused me to feel bad/guilty that anyone has to deal with me :P I just didn't find the comfort or help within it's pages that I'd hoped to find. And while I understand that the book couldn't be exhaustive in it's experiences, I was sad it didn't seem to clearly present a case where medicines didn't provide relief and an understanding that for some it's not an episode or even multiple episodes, but possibly a constant lifetime illness to deal with (depressing, I know, but a reality for some)
Having said that, I think it's an extremely valuable book and resource and a great introduction to understanding mental illness and trying to break the stigmas associated with it.
As a long-time sufferer of mental illness, I would probably rate the book a 3. I appreciated hearing others experiences with mental illness and the effort put into showing that many people suffer and you aren't alone. I wanted to exultantly say, yes! when some things resonated with me that I have wanted other people to understand. I consistently thought, I wish everyone understood this. Yet, for me, as a sufferer, and I can only speak for myself, it wasn't really helpful. I didn't feel I left with any new strategies to try or greater compassion with myself. I did appreciate the perspectives from people supporting those with mental illness, but that only caused me to feel bad/guilty that anyone has to deal with me :P I just didn't find the comfort or help within it's pages that I'd hoped to find. And while I understand that the book couldn't be exhaustive in it's experiences, I was sad it didn't seem to clearly present a case where medicines didn't provide relief and an understanding that for some it's not an episode or even multiple episodes, but possibly a constant lifetime illness to deal with (depressing, I know, but a reality for some)
Having said that, I think it's an extremely valuable book and resource and a great introduction to understanding mental illness and trying to break the stigmas associated with it.
July 24, 2019
This book really gets to the heart of mental health issues in the LDS community. Contains much helpful info and hope as well. (Just wish it hadn’t taken so long for our people to be more open about these very common situations.) A must-read!
January 14, 2019
With an expert journalistic background, personal experience with depression, and a gift for connecting with the inner most parts of the human soul, Jane Clayson Johnson has captivated the core experience and intensity of emotions of suffering from mental illness in a whole and comprehensive way, specifically addressing the experience of members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. As an over-all, but raw and close-up look at mental health struggles, every reader has the opportunity to understand mental illness, in all it's forms and severity, through personal accounts, yet within the context of gospel truths; to hear the the personal experiences of those who have suffered and those who love those who suffer; to understand the hope that is available from those (including a prophet, mission president, and missionaries) that have been able to endure, serve, and accomplish amazing things in their lives amidst the struggle with mental illness. Jane explores both the physiological and spiritual effects of mental illness, how loved ones can support those suffering from mental illness, as well as how we, as a culture, can better understand and support those that are struggling. I consider this a absolute must-read for everyone who wants to understand the modern epidemic of mental illness in an intimate way for the benefit of their loved ones, their children, their spouses, and themselves.
November 9, 2019
Fantastic book for the LDS community, whether you have depressions or not. Checkout the book from the library and after reading it I purchased my own copy, which I have twice loaned to others. I also own the audio book which I recently finished, and am now reading the hardbound book a second time. I don't have depression, but experienced it several years ago and have friends and family members who have dealt with it. This book is tremendously helpful. I can't think of a better recommendation than the fact that I am now on my 3rd reading.
December 26, 2021
One of the most important books I've read this year. I recommend to everyone.
August 26, 2019
I want to give this 6-stars. It is a wonderful book about depression. It candidly discusses symptoms, effects on people personally, effects on families, and efforts to recover or live with the illness -- because it IS an illness.
About six months ago I went to a church conference, and one of the speakers was a psychologist presenting on depression. He made the asinine statement that since there were not psychiatric drugs in Jesus's day, we don't need them today either -- that faith and etc will cure depression. I wanted to stand up and say, "Then we shouldn't set a broken arm, or take antibiotics or other modern medications?!" But I knew I couldn't handle saying anything without breaking into tears. In fact, just sitting there, the crying jag began, and I had to leave the room, hoping no one noticed, then went home and curled up on the couch and cried the rest of the day (if not several more days). Now thinking back on this experience, I don't cry -- I get angry.
This book addresses the reality of depression. It is consoling and actually uplifting to realize that we who have depression issues are not alone. When people have a physical ailment, neighbors rush to bring in meals and help, but no one talks about depression, so no one knows who is suffering and needs encouragement or other assistance. The author suggests we come out of the shadows and talk about issues openly with our friends... that we would be surprised how many people actually endure depression. However, I will not be the first to start the trend -- unfortunately still too much of a stigma and TMI for sharing. It's surprising that I am posting this on a public forum -- but this only demonstrates how much the author inspired me.
About six months ago I went to a church conference, and one of the speakers was a psychologist presenting on depression. He made the asinine statement that since there were not psychiatric drugs in Jesus's day, we don't need them today either -- that faith and etc will cure depression. I wanted to stand up and say, "Then we shouldn't set a broken arm, or take antibiotics or other modern medications?!" But I knew I couldn't handle saying anything without breaking into tears. In fact, just sitting there, the crying jag began, and I had to leave the room, hoping no one noticed, then went home and curled up on the couch and cried the rest of the day (if not several more days). Now thinking back on this experience, I don't cry -- I get angry.
This book addresses the reality of depression. It is consoling and actually uplifting to realize that we who have depression issues are not alone. When people have a physical ailment, neighbors rush to bring in meals and help, but no one talks about depression, so no one knows who is suffering and needs encouragement or other assistance. The author suggests we come out of the shadows and talk about issues openly with our friends... that we would be surprised how many people actually endure depression. However, I will not be the first to start the trend -- unfortunately still too much of a stigma and TMI for sharing. It's surprising that I am posting this on a public forum -- but this only demonstrates how much the author inspired me.
April 1, 2019
I came across this book just when I needed it. It's been a rough while for me. I just can't seem to shake the depression this time around. I loved her insight and honesty. There is a huge stigma with mental illness especially in my church. "All you have to do is; read your scriptures more, pray more, have more faith. Dust yourself off, pull yourself up by the bootstraps. And serve, serve, serve." Nope. Doesn't always work that way. I want to run from church screaming every time I hear that. I've been doing all that plus medicated for a year and seeing a doctor weekly for the past six months. Mental illness sucks! This book is great for those struggling or those with family members who struggle. It's very helpful to know you're not alone and a lot of people are going through the same thing you are. *It's geared towards a Christian audience*
April 7, 2019
Wonderful book about depression and the stigma that surrounds it. It shares moving stories from both caretakers and those suffering with it and highlights depression in different groups (ie youth, postpartum, missionaries, etc). Conversation about this illness needs to happen more and I feel this book is a step in that direction. A helpful book whether a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints or not.
March 22, 2019
I applaud those who overcame the stigma surrounding mental illness to share their deeply personal stories. This book is real, raw, and needed. The chances are good that you know or love someone who is a “silent soul weeping,” secretly battling depression or other mental illness.
March 14, 2019
Stories are powerful and definitely an honest, open and vulnerable approach to depression is needed. I was hoping for more than story and the importance of sharing feelings.
May 20, 2019
An important book for EVERY, and I mean every, Latter Day Saint to read. We are all affected by mental illness and this LDS centered approach is so helpful.
May 29, 2019
Jane Clayson Johnson sheds light on what it's like to suffer with depression. She interviewed many people and tells their stories. These are eye-opening examples that made me want to be a better disciple of Christ--noticing when someone might need someone to listen to them and care. She points out some important things we can do and shouldn't do to help. She also identifies some things in our culture that might make it more difficult for those with depression. I think it's important to understand that those suffering with depression may not be able to feel the Spirit in the same way or for a time, and references to perfection or service or perseverance might not be helpful. This is an illness that should be treated like any other illness--the right doctor and the outpouring of love from those around. Sister Johnson discusses stigma, missions, postpartum depression, suicide, and how we can help. I was grateful for these insights. I think it's important to try to understand those around us and offer help and compassion.
Here are some of my favorite quotes:
"I seek to highlight that being marginalized or rejected, regardless of cause, aggravates depression--the greater the isolation, the more extreme the risk of serious, even life-threatening emotional health problems. This is a subject of great complexity (p. 2)."
"For long stretches of time, I couldn't feel the Spirit. I did the right things: said my prayers, read my scriptures, and went to the temple. But I didn't feel anything. It was as if the most important part of my soul had been carved out of me. Why would God do that to me? Why would He allow it (p. 6)?"
"They needed me--the real me, not this person whose mind had been hijacked by illness. I started taking an anti-depressant and seeing a cognitive behavioral therapist. Little by little at the start, and then more quickly, the chains began to loosen (p. 9)."
"'Broken minds can be healed just the way broken bones and broken hearts are healed (Jeffrey R. Holland, p. 10).'"
"'Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: 'What! You too? I thought I was the only one (C.S. Lewis, p. 13).'"
"'The numbness was a lack of feeling, really, something akin to apathy (p. 14).'"
"'I came to church during those months convinced that I was a hypocrite and terrified that others were going to catch on. I felt like all of my prayers were hitting a brick wall. It had been ages since I'd felt the Spirit. Surely it was a sign that I was unworthy (p. 15).'"
"'You feel like God has abandoned you completely. You feel so estranged, so severed from His Spirit that you think, 'Why is this happening? Why am I abandoned; what did I do wrong (p. 17)?'"
"What does it mean, many wonder, when that promised comfort seems beyond reach (p. 18)?"
"'When you are depressed, believing you have failed at something regularly referred to as the 'plan of happiness' can very quickly generate despair (James D. MacArthur, p. 18).'"
"'The spirit and the body are the soul of man.' The two are inextricably linked: what affects the body also affects the spirit (p. 18)."
"'There's no question in my mind that our mental state and our emotional state can affect our spiritual state (p. 22).'"
"'We don't always feel the Spirit in the same way (p. 23).'"
"It's a lie the adversary loves and certainly hopes we will buy into: that each of us must suffer in solitude. The authentic connection you make when you share your story, and feel it resonate with another's, shatters this lie, bringing hope, comfort, and confirmation that your suffering is real and you are not alone (p. 24)."
"Prayer is a powerful source of spiritual sustenance. It buoys us up, provides answers to questions, and is instrumental in fostering a relationship with our Savior. But it's not the only thing we can or must do to become spiritually strong. When we add scripture study, temple attendance, weekly repentance couple with partaking of the sacrament, and a regimen of obedience and structure in our daily lives, that relationship with the Savior is strengthened. The same is true of treatment for depression. Medication provides the traction...but it is rarely enough on its own. To really break through and reopen the circuits that allow the Spirit to flow more freely and restore our reception, we need a regimen of complementary tools and behaviors (p. 27)."
"He tells us to lose our lives to save our lives (p. 27)."
"Reaching out to and serving someone else established a connection not just with a fellow sojourner on the path of righteousness but to the love of our Savior (p. 28)."
"Remembering is transformative... 'Remember how merciful the Lord hath been unto the children of men, from the creation of Adam even down until the time that ye shall receive these things (p. 30).'"
"'That doesn't mean God is dead or absent, or that God is mad at me. I just couldn't feel it right then and that might not be my fault (p. 32).'"
"'I've learned I need to ask for blessings (p. 32).'"
"Our suffering, our weakness, may not be taken away, but the Lord can use it to make us strong and to help us endure (p. 33)."
"'I felt like I shouldn't need medication (p. 36).'"
"'The Lord provides ways for us to overcome all of the obstacles that we have in this earthly existence...but it's not always the way we think it's going to be. A lot of times, it's through scientific discovery (p. 36).'"
"'Depression is something that we don't talk about very much and that we sort of sweep under the rug...Those who struggle with it tend to hid as much as we can, because there is a feeling of shame or guilt, or even feeling broken, like you don't want people to know that you're broken (p. 37).'"
"'I think we need to talk about it as 'brain health' instead of 'mental health (p. 38).''"
"For the sister with cancer, 'there's been an outpouring of love and kindness and support and 'what can we do for you,' and donations to a fund to help pay for expenses and all of the things that are going to come.... For her sister with depression, however, there has been nothing anywhere close to this type of reaction (p. 39)."
"'I'm afraid if someone asks how I'm doing, I will just begin to cry (p. 41).'"
"Instead of thinking depression is a weakness within her, she sees it as an earthly struggle she has been asked to face (p. 42)."
"''Master, who did sin, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?' The Master responded with love, a lesson, and a miracle: 'Neither hath this mane sinned, nor his parents: but that the works of God might be made manifest in him (p. 43).'"
"'This is an illness just like any other illness. You can say all the prayers you want and you can live completely righteously, but it doesn't necessarily mean that you're going to be healed of an illness. You might be.... But depression is a trial, and some of us simply have to endure this one (p. 44).'"
"Life isn't really about being happy. It's about finding peace (p. 45)."
"'If something is broken in your mind, go to the right doctor and go to God (p. 47).'"
"Depression is a disease, not a spiritual deficit (p. 49)."
"There is no judgment and no cause for shame. The Lord's love encompasses this ailment, and so does ours (p. 51)."
"I had no idea how dangerous perfectionism can be (p. 52)."
"The desire to be 'good enough' is debilitating for the depressed or anxious person (p. 59)."
"'Brothers and sisters, every one of us aspires to a more Christlike life than we often succeed in living. If we admit that honestly and are trying to improve, we're not hypocrites; we're human (Jeffrey R. Holland, p. 60)."
"'Turning to the Savior with faith in His atoning sacrifice to overcome our weaknesses is a process...and we will never overcome completely and fully in this life (p. 62).'"
"'Perfection is pending (Russell M. Nelson, p. 63).'"
"'The Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart (1 Samuel 16:7, p. 68).'"
"Striving for eternal perfection of which the Savior speaks is not only worthwhile but also a commandment... the Savior wants us to succeed and makes it possible for us to do so. It is Satan who teaches the counterfeit of immediate perfection and rejoices when we declare ourselves failures for not accomplishing the impossible (p. 69)."
"'We begin to believe that God's blessings to us will be withheld until we can earn our reward. Associated with this is Satan's lie that we can, and perhaps somehow must, do it entirely on our own without God's help (Janet Scharman, p. 69).'"
"'Have ye any that are lame, or blind, or halt, or maimed, or leprous or that are withered, or that are deaf, or that are afflicted in any manner? Bring them hither and I will heal them (3 Nephi 17, p. 70).'"
"The Savior already knows about our anxiety, our depression, our worry, our fear, our tendency to give up when we can't be perfect in every way. He knows it all. And He loves us anyway! Because of that love, there is hope--hope that the Atonement will take care of our imperfections and make us whole, or perfect, in His time (p. 72)."
"'Our only hope for true perfection is in receiving it as a gift from heaven--we can't 'earn' it (p. 73).'"
"'Depression can destroy the very essence of a teenager's personality (p. 75).'"
"'People aren't as mean as you are to yourself (p. 83).'"
"'Experts recommend full disclosure with children when one of their siblings suffers from a chronic illness, including depression... Talking openly about their sibling's depression...inviting them to ask questions and share their feelings...will not only reassure them that their sibling is being helped but will also destigmatize the illness (Dr. Esther Dechant, p. 86).'"
"As members of the Church, we must be on the lookout for those within our congregations and communities who are coping with these exhausting demands (p. 87)."
"Depression doesn't define you... you're still a beloved child of God even if, for a time, you can't feel His love (p. 88)."
"'Always ask for help. Sometimes that's the hardest part (p. 89).'"
"'He knows how to help us. When we rely on His understanding and when we put our faith in Him and we let Him do the work and we follow what He needs us to do, then that's when we realize it's going to be okay (p. 93).'"
"'What can I do to help them get through this?... Surround them with people that would just love them (p. 96)'"
"'The Lord can still use your if you are not 100 percent (p. 100).'"
"'All the Lord requires of you is your best, and your best can change... Sometimes my best is getting out of bed (p. 100).'"
"'She thought the Spirit would only make her do hard things that she didn't want to do. She thought that God only pushes us to do things that we don't want to do that are righteous, and that He would never tell us to do something that we enjoyed (Dr. Feinauer, p. 106).'"
"Sleep is a wonderful thing (p. 108)."
"God's love is powerful--it shines through each and every one of the interviews I've conducted for this book (p. 117)."
"'The Savior is there and He makes every experience that we go through something that is actually quite beautiful, even though it can be really difficult in the moment. We just need to remember this (p. 131).'"
"'We need to talk to each other and we need to give people the support they need when they're going through this (p. 133).'"
"Depression and anxiety, coupled with perhaps a too-strong urge to be perfect, had convinced her that she would never measure up (p. 136)."
"'The face that our heart yearns for something Earth can't supply is proof that Heaven must be our Home (C.S. Lewis, p. 141).'"
"'We know, from all the statistics out there, that someone in the ward is hurting, someone is having suicidal thoughts in your ward. And as we come together as families, as churches, in a community, we can do better than we're doing now... There's an old sectarian notion that suicide is a sin and that someone who commits suicide is banished to hell forever. That is totally false (Dale G. Renlund, p. 143)!'"
"It is not our place to judge (p. 146)."
"'If you genuinely love the person, then you're willing to sit there with them, and you're willing to cry with them, and you're willing to hold them. And you do that in concert with healthcare professionals and with ecclesiastical leaders, with friend and family support. In most cases, people continue to have a burden. But the burden can be made lighter (Dale G. Renlund, p. 148).'"
"There can be no dispute: nothing but love and compassion--totally devoid of judgment--should be bestowed upon individuals who live with and die from mental illness. You can never know what is going on inside a depressed person's head (p. 148)."
"Depression destroys relationships from the outside in and from the inside out (p. 162)."
"Telling a depressed person that things 'aren't as bad as they think they are,' urging them to lose themselves in church work or other service, reminding them of he power of prayer; all are as counterproductive to healing as shaming or threatening would be (p. 176)."
"'I couldn't feel any hope; it was like a dead tree that had been cut off, but I knew the roots were there and at some point some life would come back'... Even though nothing is growing on top, there's life down there and it is the Savior (p. 178)."
"So what can the Church--and we, specifically, as its members--do for those who are stuck with these invisible illnesses, depression in particular? Exactly the same as we do so well for people who are confined to visible wheelchairs and body casts, and what we do for the indigent, the lonely, and the bereft. We can withhold judgment and extend a helping hand (p. 182)."
"'The best that bishops can do is be open and approachable and understanding and soft and sympathetic and encouraging and patient, because that's the bishop's role... they need to know they're going to be listened to; they need to know they're going to be understood... Bishop are advocates just like the Savior is our advocate (p. 187).'"
"'Many of our brethren and sisters are on the plains with handcarts, and probably many are now seven hundred miles from this place, and they must be brought here, we must send assistance to them (Brigham Young, p. 193).'"
"'I am thankful that we do not have brethren and sisters stranded in the snow, freezing and dying, while trying to get to...Zion... But there are people, not a few, whose circumstances are desperate and who cry out for help and relief (Gordon B. Hinckley, p. 194).'"
"Among those who feel the most desperate, I believe, are those who suffer from mental illness. It is our privilege--and the essence of our discipleship--to bring them in. Because there is no cure for depression, we cannot rescue them in a way that heals them of their illness, but we can save them from being stranded alone int he winter of their pain (p. 194)."
"'Everyone who is suffering...needs people to share with (p. 197).'"
Here are some of my favorite quotes:
"I seek to highlight that being marginalized or rejected, regardless of cause, aggravates depression--the greater the isolation, the more extreme the risk of serious, even life-threatening emotional health problems. This is a subject of great complexity (p. 2)."
"For long stretches of time, I couldn't feel the Spirit. I did the right things: said my prayers, read my scriptures, and went to the temple. But I didn't feel anything. It was as if the most important part of my soul had been carved out of me. Why would God do that to me? Why would He allow it (p. 6)?"
"They needed me--the real me, not this person whose mind had been hijacked by illness. I started taking an anti-depressant and seeing a cognitive behavioral therapist. Little by little at the start, and then more quickly, the chains began to loosen (p. 9)."
"'Broken minds can be healed just the way broken bones and broken hearts are healed (Jeffrey R. Holland, p. 10).'"
"'Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: 'What! You too? I thought I was the only one (C.S. Lewis, p. 13).'"
"'The numbness was a lack of feeling, really, something akin to apathy (p. 14).'"
"'I came to church during those months convinced that I was a hypocrite and terrified that others were going to catch on. I felt like all of my prayers were hitting a brick wall. It had been ages since I'd felt the Spirit. Surely it was a sign that I was unworthy (p. 15).'"
"'You feel like God has abandoned you completely. You feel so estranged, so severed from His Spirit that you think, 'Why is this happening? Why am I abandoned; what did I do wrong (p. 17)?'"
"What does it mean, many wonder, when that promised comfort seems beyond reach (p. 18)?"
"'When you are depressed, believing you have failed at something regularly referred to as the 'plan of happiness' can very quickly generate despair (James D. MacArthur, p. 18).'"
"'The spirit and the body are the soul of man.' The two are inextricably linked: what affects the body also affects the spirit (p. 18)."
"'There's no question in my mind that our mental state and our emotional state can affect our spiritual state (p. 22).'"
"'We don't always feel the Spirit in the same way (p. 23).'"
"It's a lie the adversary loves and certainly hopes we will buy into: that each of us must suffer in solitude. The authentic connection you make when you share your story, and feel it resonate with another's, shatters this lie, bringing hope, comfort, and confirmation that your suffering is real and you are not alone (p. 24)."
"Prayer is a powerful source of spiritual sustenance. It buoys us up, provides answers to questions, and is instrumental in fostering a relationship with our Savior. But it's not the only thing we can or must do to become spiritually strong. When we add scripture study, temple attendance, weekly repentance couple with partaking of the sacrament, and a regimen of obedience and structure in our daily lives, that relationship with the Savior is strengthened. The same is true of treatment for depression. Medication provides the traction...but it is rarely enough on its own. To really break through and reopen the circuits that allow the Spirit to flow more freely and restore our reception, we need a regimen of complementary tools and behaviors (p. 27)."
"He tells us to lose our lives to save our lives (p. 27)."
"Reaching out to and serving someone else established a connection not just with a fellow sojourner on the path of righteousness but to the love of our Savior (p. 28)."
"Remembering is transformative... 'Remember how merciful the Lord hath been unto the children of men, from the creation of Adam even down until the time that ye shall receive these things (p. 30).'"
"'That doesn't mean God is dead or absent, or that God is mad at me. I just couldn't feel it right then and that might not be my fault (p. 32).'"
"'I've learned I need to ask for blessings (p. 32).'"
"Our suffering, our weakness, may not be taken away, but the Lord can use it to make us strong and to help us endure (p. 33)."
"'I felt like I shouldn't need medication (p. 36).'"
"'The Lord provides ways for us to overcome all of the obstacles that we have in this earthly existence...but it's not always the way we think it's going to be. A lot of times, it's through scientific discovery (p. 36).'"
"'Depression is something that we don't talk about very much and that we sort of sweep under the rug...Those who struggle with it tend to hid as much as we can, because there is a feeling of shame or guilt, or even feeling broken, like you don't want people to know that you're broken (p. 37).'"
"'I think we need to talk about it as 'brain health' instead of 'mental health (p. 38).''"
"For the sister with cancer, 'there's been an outpouring of love and kindness and support and 'what can we do for you,' and donations to a fund to help pay for expenses and all of the things that are going to come.... For her sister with depression, however, there has been nothing anywhere close to this type of reaction (p. 39)."
"'I'm afraid if someone asks how I'm doing, I will just begin to cry (p. 41).'"
"Instead of thinking depression is a weakness within her, she sees it as an earthly struggle she has been asked to face (p. 42)."
"''Master, who did sin, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?' The Master responded with love, a lesson, and a miracle: 'Neither hath this mane sinned, nor his parents: but that the works of God might be made manifest in him (p. 43).'"
"'This is an illness just like any other illness. You can say all the prayers you want and you can live completely righteously, but it doesn't necessarily mean that you're going to be healed of an illness. You might be.... But depression is a trial, and some of us simply have to endure this one (p. 44).'"
"Life isn't really about being happy. It's about finding peace (p. 45)."
"'If something is broken in your mind, go to the right doctor and go to God (p. 47).'"
"Depression is a disease, not a spiritual deficit (p. 49)."
"There is no judgment and no cause for shame. The Lord's love encompasses this ailment, and so does ours (p. 51)."
"I had no idea how dangerous perfectionism can be (p. 52)."
"The desire to be 'good enough' is debilitating for the depressed or anxious person (p. 59)."
"'Brothers and sisters, every one of us aspires to a more Christlike life than we often succeed in living. If we admit that honestly and are trying to improve, we're not hypocrites; we're human (Jeffrey R. Holland, p. 60)."
"'Turning to the Savior with faith in His atoning sacrifice to overcome our weaknesses is a process...and we will never overcome completely and fully in this life (p. 62).'"
"'Perfection is pending (Russell M. Nelson, p. 63).'"
"'The Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart (1 Samuel 16:7, p. 68).'"
"Striving for eternal perfection of which the Savior speaks is not only worthwhile but also a commandment... the Savior wants us to succeed and makes it possible for us to do so. It is Satan who teaches the counterfeit of immediate perfection and rejoices when we declare ourselves failures for not accomplishing the impossible (p. 69)."
"'We begin to believe that God's blessings to us will be withheld until we can earn our reward. Associated with this is Satan's lie that we can, and perhaps somehow must, do it entirely on our own without God's help (Janet Scharman, p. 69).'"
"'Have ye any that are lame, or blind, or halt, or maimed, or leprous or that are withered, or that are deaf, or that are afflicted in any manner? Bring them hither and I will heal them (3 Nephi 17, p. 70).'"
"The Savior already knows about our anxiety, our depression, our worry, our fear, our tendency to give up when we can't be perfect in every way. He knows it all. And He loves us anyway! Because of that love, there is hope--hope that the Atonement will take care of our imperfections and make us whole, or perfect, in His time (p. 72)."
"'Our only hope for true perfection is in receiving it as a gift from heaven--we can't 'earn' it (p. 73).'"
"'Depression can destroy the very essence of a teenager's personality (p. 75).'"
"'People aren't as mean as you are to yourself (p. 83).'"
"'Experts recommend full disclosure with children when one of their siblings suffers from a chronic illness, including depression... Talking openly about their sibling's depression...inviting them to ask questions and share their feelings...will not only reassure them that their sibling is being helped but will also destigmatize the illness (Dr. Esther Dechant, p. 86).'"
"As members of the Church, we must be on the lookout for those within our congregations and communities who are coping with these exhausting demands (p. 87)."
"Depression doesn't define you... you're still a beloved child of God even if, for a time, you can't feel His love (p. 88)."
"'Always ask for help. Sometimes that's the hardest part (p. 89).'"
"'He knows how to help us. When we rely on His understanding and when we put our faith in Him and we let Him do the work and we follow what He needs us to do, then that's when we realize it's going to be okay (p. 93).'"
"'What can I do to help them get through this?... Surround them with people that would just love them (p. 96)'"
"'The Lord can still use your if you are not 100 percent (p. 100).'"
"'All the Lord requires of you is your best, and your best can change... Sometimes my best is getting out of bed (p. 100).'"
"'She thought the Spirit would only make her do hard things that she didn't want to do. She thought that God only pushes us to do things that we don't want to do that are righteous, and that He would never tell us to do something that we enjoyed (Dr. Feinauer, p. 106).'"
"Sleep is a wonderful thing (p. 108)."
"God's love is powerful--it shines through each and every one of the interviews I've conducted for this book (p. 117)."
"'The Savior is there and He makes every experience that we go through something that is actually quite beautiful, even though it can be really difficult in the moment. We just need to remember this (p. 131).'"
"'We need to talk to each other and we need to give people the support they need when they're going through this (p. 133).'"
"Depression and anxiety, coupled with perhaps a too-strong urge to be perfect, had convinced her that she would never measure up (p. 136)."
"'The face that our heart yearns for something Earth can't supply is proof that Heaven must be our Home (C.S. Lewis, p. 141).'"
"'We know, from all the statistics out there, that someone in the ward is hurting, someone is having suicidal thoughts in your ward. And as we come together as families, as churches, in a community, we can do better than we're doing now... There's an old sectarian notion that suicide is a sin and that someone who commits suicide is banished to hell forever. That is totally false (Dale G. Renlund, p. 143)!'"
"It is not our place to judge (p. 146)."
"'If you genuinely love the person, then you're willing to sit there with them, and you're willing to cry with them, and you're willing to hold them. And you do that in concert with healthcare professionals and with ecclesiastical leaders, with friend and family support. In most cases, people continue to have a burden. But the burden can be made lighter (Dale G. Renlund, p. 148).'"
"There can be no dispute: nothing but love and compassion--totally devoid of judgment--should be bestowed upon individuals who live with and die from mental illness. You can never know what is going on inside a depressed person's head (p. 148)."
"Depression destroys relationships from the outside in and from the inside out (p. 162)."
"Telling a depressed person that things 'aren't as bad as they think they are,' urging them to lose themselves in church work or other service, reminding them of he power of prayer; all are as counterproductive to healing as shaming or threatening would be (p. 176)."
"'I couldn't feel any hope; it was like a dead tree that had been cut off, but I knew the roots were there and at some point some life would come back'... Even though nothing is growing on top, there's life down there and it is the Savior (p. 178)."
"So what can the Church--and we, specifically, as its members--do for those who are stuck with these invisible illnesses, depression in particular? Exactly the same as we do so well for people who are confined to visible wheelchairs and body casts, and what we do for the indigent, the lonely, and the bereft. We can withhold judgment and extend a helping hand (p. 182)."
"'The best that bishops can do is be open and approachable and understanding and soft and sympathetic and encouraging and patient, because that's the bishop's role... they need to know they're going to be listened to; they need to know they're going to be understood... Bishop are advocates just like the Savior is our advocate (p. 187).'"
"'Many of our brethren and sisters are on the plains with handcarts, and probably many are now seven hundred miles from this place, and they must be brought here, we must send assistance to them (Brigham Young, p. 193).'"
"'I am thankful that we do not have brethren and sisters stranded in the snow, freezing and dying, while trying to get to...Zion... But there are people, not a few, whose circumstances are desperate and who cry out for help and relief (Gordon B. Hinckley, p. 194).'"
"Among those who feel the most desperate, I believe, are those who suffer from mental illness. It is our privilege--and the essence of our discipleship--to bring them in. Because there is no cure for depression, we cannot rescue them in a way that heals them of their illness, but we can save them from being stranded alone int he winter of their pain (p. 194)."
"'Everyone who is suffering...needs people to share with (p. 197).'"
March 1, 2021
This book would have been most effective in my life 9 years ago. Even though the pariah of mental health/wellness/illness is improving in the culture of LDS church, the history of shaming the illness or receiving professional help is unfortunately deep. Elder Holland's address in 2012 would be the first step in dismantling the stigma. I see this book as an answer to that address, and acts as a 101 of understanding mental illness from a spiritual point of view. It is an assembly of stories from a variety of members and leadership.
This book only acts as an introduction. What will it take for the culture of the LDS church to better direct sufferers of mental illness to professional help? I fell victim to the idea that you go to a bishop to discuss my illness (as it affected my connection to spiritual life), and took me far too long to get to professional help, and even longer before I was willing to take medication. Somehow my faith and actions would be enough, and God would give me the strength to get through. This book was full of similar examples, and a plea for the church institution do better in encouraging leadership to direct more responsibly, i.e. LDS BISHOPS ARE NOT THERAPISTS.
What has changed in me, and ultimately made this book less relevant for me, was separating the way I manage my mental health. I have a relationship with Deity, but don't plead for God to manage this. I manage it with licensed professionals and medication, and this switch has been one of the healthiest things I have changed.
The greatest weakness of the book is to explore the stories of really only believing or active members. Many people have left the church due to the shame/stigma/poor treated from leaders. And their stories are absolutely necessary for the narrative of mental illness in the church.
This book only acts as an introduction. What will it take for the culture of the LDS church to better direct sufferers of mental illness to professional help? I fell victim to the idea that you go to a bishop to discuss my illness (as it affected my connection to spiritual life), and took me far too long to get to professional help, and even longer before I was willing to take medication. Somehow my faith and actions would be enough, and God would give me the strength to get through. This book was full of similar examples, and a plea for the church institution do better in encouraging leadership to direct more responsibly, i.e. LDS BISHOPS ARE NOT THERAPISTS.
What has changed in me, and ultimately made this book less relevant for me, was separating the way I manage my mental health. I have a relationship with Deity, but don't plead for God to manage this. I manage it with licensed professionals and medication, and this switch has been one of the healthiest things I have changed.
The greatest weakness of the book is to explore the stories of really only believing or active members. Many people have left the church due to the shame/stigma/poor treated from leaders. And their stories are absolutely necessary for the narrative of mental illness in the church.
July 16, 2024
As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, I would say this book is a must read for all members. Despite having close family members and friends who suffer from depression, there is so much I don’t understand about the disease, and this book sheds light on what depression looks and feels like for those who suffer from it.
August 9, 2019
Advertised as being for those who suffer from depression or who love someone who suffers depression. I fall into the second category and I found this very moving and insightful.
Two favorite sections:
"...it is not our place to judge. It is our place to love. It is our place to grieve. And it is our place to mourn with those who suffer from the dark feelings of suicidal ideation and those who are left behind when those feelings result in action. This is one of the most difficult losses a family can experience. It should harrow up our deepest feelings of compassion and stir us up from the sidelines to active, truly charitable, and supportive sharing of its crushing burden. There is no place for condemnation, gossip or shunning. There is room for... communication , and - always - for the Atonement of Jesus Christ." p 146
"'When we're dealing with people who have mental illness and we can't understand, I think we need to seek our own inspiration. We need to seek to have the humility to understand that maybe the way we see the world and the way we experience it is not the one and only way to see it and experience it. Seeking the Spirit, loving with a Christlike love - I think that's what helps the suffering person feel the love that we have for them, and also the love that the Lord has for them.'
"The circle of family can expand to include a loving ward and Church family, with members who often want to help but hesitate because their understanding and experience are limited. But really, in most cases, being helpful isn't complex. Just being there can make all the difference in the world Virginia Pearce told me how her feelings about those who are less active changed when she served in Relief Society. She found that many of those sisters who didn't attend had strong testimonies and a desire to keep growing in the gospel, but they also struggled with a variety of emotional illnesses, such as social anxiety, depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and others. These illnesses made Church callings next to impossible and even church attendance difficult.
"'Somehow,' she said, 'we've got to bring church to them.' Many were unable to feel God's love. 'One of my friends,' she told me, 'was in and out of the hospital with terrible postpartum depression. When she was in the hospital down to nothing she said, 'I couldn't feel Him. I couldn't feel any hope; it was like a dead tree that had been cut off, but I knew the roots were there and at some point some life would come back.' I think that's a really good picture: you have to believe that in the roots, even though nothing is growing on top, there's life down there and it is the Savior. It's the Savior.'
What can you do when you know someone who is in that condition? 'We just keep bumping into them with our light,' Sister Pearce says. 'Don't take your light away from them; don't distance yourself from them. It doesn't mean you have to preach to them or get them to come to church or find a way to fix them. Trust that just your presence in their lives makes a difference because you are full of light and love - and that's what we all long for. It's one of the reasons we gather on Sundays - to feel nourished by His light and love. Just your presence matters. A lot.'
"I love the story my friend shared about her brother, Ryan, who suffered from depression his entire adult life.
"'One year Ryan helped me install an underground sprinkler system for a new garden. When we finished it and tried it out, it blew some connection at the meter, causing a huge geyser of water. It took days to figure out and repair the problem, and we had to shut off water to the house again and again. Ultimately Ryan dug a hole almost six feet deep to get a clear view of the whole connection area (this was in Utah where freezing temps require water pipes to be buried down a ways). Ryan, who was at most five foot eight, spent hours at the bottom of this hole with the top of his head just above ground level. He named it 'The Pit of Despair.'
"One night, tired of being without water in the house, my husband and I took our kids and went to a late movie. It was nearly midnight when we got home, and as we approached the house we could see Ryan in our headlights, down in the pit. His wife, whose name is Charity - no joke - was standing by him at ground level, shining a light down on him.'
The takeaway: some among us spend a lot of time in midnight darkness at the bottom of a pit of despair. They need charity to shine the Light on them." pp177-179
I love that story. That line - "We just keep bumping into them with our light." Yes.
Two favorite sections:
"...it is not our place to judge. It is our place to love. It is our place to grieve. And it is our place to mourn with those who suffer from the dark feelings of suicidal ideation and those who are left behind when those feelings result in action. This is one of the most difficult losses a family can experience. It should harrow up our deepest feelings of compassion and stir us up from the sidelines to active, truly charitable, and supportive sharing of its crushing burden. There is no place for condemnation, gossip or shunning. There is room for... communication , and - always - for the Atonement of Jesus Christ." p 146
"'When we're dealing with people who have mental illness and we can't understand, I think we need to seek our own inspiration. We need to seek to have the humility to understand that maybe the way we see the world and the way we experience it is not the one and only way to see it and experience it. Seeking the Spirit, loving with a Christlike love - I think that's what helps the suffering person feel the love that we have for them, and also the love that the Lord has for them.'
"The circle of family can expand to include a loving ward and Church family, with members who often want to help but hesitate because their understanding and experience are limited. But really, in most cases, being helpful isn't complex. Just being there can make all the difference in the world Virginia Pearce told me how her feelings about those who are less active changed when she served in Relief Society. She found that many of those sisters who didn't attend had strong testimonies and a desire to keep growing in the gospel, but they also struggled with a variety of emotional illnesses, such as social anxiety, depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and others. These illnesses made Church callings next to impossible and even church attendance difficult.
"'Somehow,' she said, 'we've got to bring church to them.' Many were unable to feel God's love. 'One of my friends,' she told me, 'was in and out of the hospital with terrible postpartum depression. When she was in the hospital down to nothing she said, 'I couldn't feel Him. I couldn't feel any hope; it was like a dead tree that had been cut off, but I knew the roots were there and at some point some life would come back.' I think that's a really good picture: you have to believe that in the roots, even though nothing is growing on top, there's life down there and it is the Savior. It's the Savior.'
What can you do when you know someone who is in that condition? 'We just keep bumping into them with our light,' Sister Pearce says. 'Don't take your light away from them; don't distance yourself from them. It doesn't mean you have to preach to them or get them to come to church or find a way to fix them. Trust that just your presence in their lives makes a difference because you are full of light and love - and that's what we all long for. It's one of the reasons we gather on Sundays - to feel nourished by His light and love. Just your presence matters. A lot.'
"I love the story my friend shared about her brother, Ryan, who suffered from depression his entire adult life.
"'One year Ryan helped me install an underground sprinkler system for a new garden. When we finished it and tried it out, it blew some connection at the meter, causing a huge geyser of water. It took days to figure out and repair the problem, and we had to shut off water to the house again and again. Ultimately Ryan dug a hole almost six feet deep to get a clear view of the whole connection area (this was in Utah where freezing temps require water pipes to be buried down a ways). Ryan, who was at most five foot eight, spent hours at the bottom of this hole with the top of his head just above ground level. He named it 'The Pit of Despair.'
"One night, tired of being without water in the house, my husband and I took our kids and went to a late movie. It was nearly midnight when we got home, and as we approached the house we could see Ryan in our headlights, down in the pit. His wife, whose name is Charity - no joke - was standing by him at ground level, shining a light down on him.'
The takeaway: some among us spend a lot of time in midnight darkness at the bottom of a pit of despair. They need charity to shine the Light on them." pp177-179
I love that story. That line - "We just keep bumping into them with our light." Yes.
November 16, 2019
I think this is a great book if you want to learn about depression, but you don’t want to read something too textbook-ish. There is a good balance of information and personal accounts, so your head and your heart both stay engaged. I could tell Johnson did her research. Her hard work means you also get an excellent balance between science and faith-based information. She also does well in highlighting the doctrines taught by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and parsing them out from cultural practices of certain groups of church members. She challenges us to do better in how we understand and receive members who struggle with mental illness. My empathy grew as I read the stories people shared. I hope in reading this book I’ve learned to better serve and support those who are struggling.
January 14, 2019
These are important stories that need to be told. I'm just not in love with the journalist format for this subject. It feels a little cavalier, even though Jane does a great job with this skill of hers. I really respect her. She is doing something very difficult, vulnerable, and authentic. And more discourse about this subject is so, so needed in the church. I'm grateful she wrote this.
December 11, 2019
The 3 stars are only because it touches on a subject that should be taken more seriously by the church, depression. The book, I felt, was redundant; each new chapter seemed to be just a repetition of the former.
September 11, 2019
This book was FANTASTIC. Every member of the LDS Church needs to read this. I wish I could buy a copy for everyone I know.
October 16, 2022
This book was personally intense and painful for me to read as I pondered my own struggles with depression and those struggles with other family members. It should be required reading for all as it addresses the physical reality of mental illness and its separateness yet involvement with one's spirituality and beliefs. Beautifully done!
"What if we offered unconditional support and love to one another instead of judgment and advice to just "pray more" or simply "snap out of it"?"
"Almost all of the students told him that they'd tried to share their problems with their parents or their bishop or someone else that they respected, but had been told again and again to pray harder, study the scriptures more deeply, and repent more sincerely. Like the disciples with the blind man, the people they'd turned to for help couldn't have been less helpful if they'd tried. Depression is a disease, not a spiritual deficit."
"We can encourage others to seek help or to feel safe enough to express their experiences and feeling. Our acknowledgement will validate depression as an illness like any other, shattering the external and internal stigma. I envision a day, coming soon, when we will visit at the bedsides of those in mental-health facilities as easily as in the cancer wing of the hospital. And we can carry with us into the spiritually dark realm of depression a testimony that there is no judgment and no cause for shame. The Lord's love encompasses this ailment, and so does ours."
"The link between perfectionism and suicide is stronger than previously believed and distressingly underrecognized."
"Our only hope for true perfection is in receiving it as a gift from heaven-we can't 'earn' it. Thus, the grace of Christ offers us not only salvation from sorrow and sin and death but also salvation from our own self-criticism."
"I think most of us in the back of our minds keep saying to ourselves, 'I can handle that. I just wake up in the morning and I'm determined and I just pull through it and I'll be okay.' That's even part of our American dream-our identity as Americans is that we can handle anything. A lot of hard work will just do the job. Depression is not like that. Depression doesn't care how much hard work you've done. Depression doesn't even let you do the hard work. It doesn't even let you get out of bed in the morning. You're lying in bed and saying if I could do these things I'd be okay. Depression says you're not getting out of bed."
"Depression destroys relationships, from the outside in and from the inside out...depression drives its sufferers so deep into themselves that it "ultimately eclipses the capacity to give or receive affection." From the outside, depression looks a lot like selfishness and can feel like rejection and abandonment."
"Depression is a disease of loneliness"; love is an essential remedy in its treatment...love works because it is hopeful. It illuminates the possibility of a joyful future. Trying to "fix" a depressed person fails because fixing, by its very nature, is nonaccepting; it implies an innate wrongness with that person...it makes...mental health a thing that both...can work through instead of some mess that needs to be cleaned up or put away...It's easy to judge or to be jealous, but it's godly to seek understanding, love unconditionally, and do the hard work demanded by daily life in this world."
"Depression thrives in secrecy but shrinks in empathy."
"Healing for those who suffer from depression begins when we listen to these stories, when we encourage those who tell them to speak out about their pain and share their vulnerability. It comes, too, when we are willing to vulnerable along with them, to sit with them in their pain and, hopefully, draw them out of isolation."
"What if we offered unconditional support and love to one another instead of judgment and advice to just "pray more" or simply "snap out of it"?"
"Almost all of the students told him that they'd tried to share their problems with their parents or their bishop or someone else that they respected, but had been told again and again to pray harder, study the scriptures more deeply, and repent more sincerely. Like the disciples with the blind man, the people they'd turned to for help couldn't have been less helpful if they'd tried. Depression is a disease, not a spiritual deficit."
"We can encourage others to seek help or to feel safe enough to express their experiences and feeling. Our acknowledgement will validate depression as an illness like any other, shattering the external and internal stigma. I envision a day, coming soon, when we will visit at the bedsides of those in mental-health facilities as easily as in the cancer wing of the hospital. And we can carry with us into the spiritually dark realm of depression a testimony that there is no judgment and no cause for shame. The Lord's love encompasses this ailment, and so does ours."
"The link between perfectionism and suicide is stronger than previously believed and distressingly underrecognized."
"Our only hope for true perfection is in receiving it as a gift from heaven-we can't 'earn' it. Thus, the grace of Christ offers us not only salvation from sorrow and sin and death but also salvation from our own self-criticism."
"I think most of us in the back of our minds keep saying to ourselves, 'I can handle that. I just wake up in the morning and I'm determined and I just pull through it and I'll be okay.' That's even part of our American dream-our identity as Americans is that we can handle anything. A lot of hard work will just do the job. Depression is not like that. Depression doesn't care how much hard work you've done. Depression doesn't even let you do the hard work. It doesn't even let you get out of bed in the morning. You're lying in bed and saying if I could do these things I'd be okay. Depression says you're not getting out of bed."
"Depression destroys relationships, from the outside in and from the inside out...depression drives its sufferers so deep into themselves that it "ultimately eclipses the capacity to give or receive affection." From the outside, depression looks a lot like selfishness and can feel like rejection and abandonment."
"Depression is a disease of loneliness"; love is an essential remedy in its treatment...love works because it is hopeful. It illuminates the possibility of a joyful future. Trying to "fix" a depressed person fails because fixing, by its very nature, is nonaccepting; it implies an innate wrongness with that person...it makes...mental health a thing that both...can work through instead of some mess that needs to be cleaned up or put away...It's easy to judge or to be jealous, but it's godly to seek understanding, love unconditionally, and do the hard work demanded by daily life in this world."
"Depression thrives in secrecy but shrinks in empathy."
"Healing for those who suffer from depression begins when we listen to these stories, when we encourage those who tell them to speak out about their pain and share their vulnerability. It comes, too, when we are willing to vulnerable along with them, to sit with them in their pain and, hopefully, draw them out of isolation."
October 10, 2021
I’ve had my eye on this book since my sister read it and loved it and has talked to me about many of the things she learned from it. But it’s taken me a while to pick up because I knew it would hit close to home. And it does.
However, I can confidently say, I have never before read something that has so closely mirrored my own experiences. And given voice to the many emotions, questions, thoughts, fears, and doubts I’ve had along my own journey. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so understood, so seen by any book I’ve read about depression, suicide, and it’s many many ongoing effects.
It is told from stories. It is not written by a psychologist nor is it meant as a “treatment” book. But it is told as helpful stories and guidance to those who suffer from or have a close friend or family member who suffers from depression. Which is just about all of us.
Of particular importance to me, is it tells it’s stories within the context of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. This was key to me as so many of the challenges and difficulties I’ve faced mentally have surrounded my faith (or what I thought of as my lack of faith) and the question of “joy”. I’m grateful for the shedding of light and gospel truth on this oftentimes “taboo” subject in the church.
Read it. It’s worth it. It has given me hope and perspective. And a renewed closeness with my Father in Heaven.
However, I can confidently say, I have never before read something that has so closely mirrored my own experiences. And given voice to the many emotions, questions, thoughts, fears, and doubts I’ve had along my own journey. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so understood, so seen by any book I’ve read about depression, suicide, and it’s many many ongoing effects.
It is told from stories. It is not written by a psychologist nor is it meant as a “treatment” book. But it is told as helpful stories and guidance to those who suffer from or have a close friend or family member who suffers from depression. Which is just about all of us.
Of particular importance to me, is it tells it’s stories within the context of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. This was key to me as so many of the challenges and difficulties I’ve faced mentally have surrounded my faith (or what I thought of as my lack of faith) and the question of “joy”. I’m grateful for the shedding of light and gospel truth on this oftentimes “taboo” subject in the church.
Read it. It’s worth it. It has given me hope and perspective. And a renewed closeness with my Father in Heaven.
January 6, 2021
I feel like this should be required reading for all of us-whether we personally struggle with depression or know someone who does or just want to understand people better overall. I found the vulnerability of the author refreshing as she shares her story as well as many others. It was insightful and real and a great balance of informative and personal. I would consider this an introduction though as it is just glimpsing the mountain that we all have yet to climb to truly understand this disease. I really really appreciate this book and it shedding light on such an important topic.
March 15, 2021
This was a heavy read for me, but one that I needed to read. I thought I knew about depression and anxiety, but this book really opened my eyes to what people with depression (and their family members) really experience. I'm so glad that I read this. I want to learn more so I can be more understanding and helpful to those that struggle with this.
December 7, 2019
A great read for anyone affected by depression and their friends and family, particularly The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints community. Great insights and broadened my perspective. My takeaway: Mental illness thrives in secrecy but when we share our stories and connect we learn we are not alone.
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