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Defending Boyhood: How Building Forts, Reading Stories, Playing Ball, and Praying to God Can Change the World
Western civilization has no more eloquent defender than Anthony Esolen, a man who has counted the cost, and paid it, of leading the way in that defense. Following on his compelling prior volume, Defending Marriage: Twelve Arguments for Sanity, Professor Esolen returns, this time in defense of boys and an experience of boyhood that is on the wane, if not extinguished in many quarters of the modern world—and to illuminate the threats our precious sons face from harridans, harpies, and all purveyors and promoters of political correctness and of the misguided and ultimately doomed-though not before it has done much mischief-project of blurring the distinctions between boys and girls.
Drawing on his own, in many ways all-American boyhood, Esolen, at times wistfully, at times, playfully, and at times prophetically—in the literal sense of employing the thunder of an Old Testament prophet, details what a good boyhood once was and what it can be again. He does so in chapters inspiringly titled:
The Arena to Enter
Brothers to Gather
Mountains to Climb
The Man to Follow
Work to Do
Songs to Sing
Enemies to Slay
Life to Give
Anthony Esolen prescribes a return to sanity to an insane world. He may not be able to change the world, but enter into the world of boyhood with him and he just might change you and the lives of the boys you love.
Drawing on his own, in many ways all-American boyhood, Esolen, at times wistfully, at times, playfully, and at times prophetically—in the literal sense of employing the thunder of an Old Testament prophet, details what a good boyhood once was and what it can be again. He does so in chapters inspiringly titled:
The Arena to Enter
Brothers to Gather
Mountains to Climb
The Man to Follow
Work to Do
Songs to Sing
Enemies to Slay
Life to Give
Anthony Esolen prescribes a return to sanity to an insane world. He may not be able to change the world, but enter into the world of boyhood with him and he just might change you and the lives of the boys you love.
212 pages, Hardcover
Published March 25, 2019
61 people are currently reading
949 people want to read
About the author
Anthony Esolen
60 books479 followersAnthony Esolen is the author of over twenty-five books and over 1,000 articles in both scholarly and general interest journals. A senior editor of Touchstone: A Journal of Mere Christianity, Esolen is known for his elegant essays on the faith and for his clear social commentaries. His articles appear regularly in Touchstone, Crisis, First Things, Public Discourse, The Catholic Thing, Chronicles, Inside the Vatican, and Magnificat, among others. An accomplished poet in his own right, Esolen is known for his widely acclaimed three-volume verse translation of Dante’s Divine Comedy (Modern Library). His Ten Ways to Destroy the Imagination of Your Child has been described as "a worthy successor to C.S. Lewis's The Abolition of Man." And its sequel, Life Under Compulsion, has been called "essential reading for parents, educators, and anyone who is concerned to rescue children from the tedious and vacuous thing childhood has become." His recent books of social commentary include Out of the Ashes: Rebuilding American Culture, Nostalgia: Going Home in a Homeless World, and the forthcoming, No Apologies: Why Civilization Depends upon the Strength of Men.
Anthony Esolen has been writing his own poetry for decades, but until recently most of his published poetry has appeared in his verse translations of the great poets, Dante, Tasso, and Lucretius. More than a hundred of his own poems have appeared in such venues as Fine Madness, The Plains Poetry Journal, and Modern Age. After studying and teaching great poetry for nearly thirty years, Professor Esolen set out to write a book-length unified poem of his own, a project which he hopes will show that serious and significant long poetic works can still be written in our time. The result of his effort is The Hundredfold: Songs for the Lord, a book-length single poem composed of 100 parts -- short lyrics, dramatic monologues, and hymns -- centered on the life of Christ. He is working now on a second such long poem, The Twelve-Gated City, a collection of 144 interrelated poems centered on the parable of the prodigal son.
The grandson of Italian immigrants to America, Anthony Esolen was born and raised in the coal-mining country of Northeastern Pennsylvania. He received his B.A. from Princeton University, and his Ph. D. from the University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill, where he was a Morehead Fellow. He is the 2020 recipient of the CIRCE Institute's Russel Kirk Prize, awarded each year to a writer and scholar "in honor of a lifetime dedicated to the cultivation of wisdom and virtue." He is writer-in-residence at Magdalen College in Warner, NH.
For more from the mind and pen of Anthony Esolen, visit his online magazine called Word and Song, at https://anthonyesolen.substack.com
Anthony Esolen has been writing his own poetry for decades, but until recently most of his published poetry has appeared in his verse translations of the great poets, Dante, Tasso, and Lucretius. More than a hundred of his own poems have appeared in such venues as Fine Madness, The Plains Poetry Journal, and Modern Age. After studying and teaching great poetry for nearly thirty years, Professor Esolen set out to write a book-length unified poem of his own, a project which he hopes will show that serious and significant long poetic works can still be written in our time. The result of his effort is The Hundredfold: Songs for the Lord, a book-length single poem composed of 100 parts -- short lyrics, dramatic monologues, and hymns -- centered on the life of Christ. He is working now on a second such long poem, The Twelve-Gated City, a collection of 144 interrelated poems centered on the parable of the prodigal son.
The grandson of Italian immigrants to America, Anthony Esolen was born and raised in the coal-mining country of Northeastern Pennsylvania. He received his B.A. from Princeton University, and his Ph. D. from the University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill, where he was a Morehead Fellow. He is the 2020 recipient of the CIRCE Institute's Russel Kirk Prize, awarded each year to a writer and scholar "in honor of a lifetime dedicated to the cultivation of wisdom and virtue." He is writer-in-residence at Magdalen College in Warner, NH.
For more from the mind and pen of Anthony Esolen, visit his online magazine called Word and Song, at https://anthonyesolen.substack.com
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 74 reviews
July 24, 2021
A really great book that should be read by all fathers and probably mothers as well. Esolen says what many others won't and it is bracing and encouraging. He draws on numerous sources and has a ton of great stories and anecdotes. Makes me want to toss my TV in the trash.
July 30, 2019
Anthony Esolen has crafted a book that should be read by any parent who has boys and any teacher who teaches boys. Boyhood is under attack in our culture and Esolen steps up to the plate to defend boys as God made them and intended them to be. I didn't think this was quite as good as his book Out of the Ashes, but it is timely and important.
"It will not do to pretend that boys are going to be other than what they are. It is nature crying out, in the blood and the bones. You will make them into good men, or you will let them lapse and become bad men, or frustrated, inept, selfish, resentful non-men; you will not make them into women."
"It will not do to pretend that boys are going to be other than what they are. It is nature crying out, in the blood and the bones. You will make them into good men, or you will let them lapse and become bad men, or frustrated, inept, selfish, resentful non-men; you will not make them into women."
April 15, 2019
When Anthony Esolen – among the most able defenders of Western civilization, and Western Christendom in particular, active today – chooses to discourse on a subject, the wise person reads or listens attentively, nor does he or she lack reward for having done so. Esolen writes with exuberance, penetrating insight, and equally-penetrating wit, and
Defending Boyhood
is no exception to that rule. I was alternately delighted, intrigued, inspired, and moved.
As a former boy myself, I resonate strongly with the former boy that shines through Esolen's mature, erudite, and engaging writing, and frequently found myself nodding in emphatic agreement. His treatment of boyhood, and boys – what they value, how they view life, and the goals and ideals that are common to boys across time, geography, and culture – has the ring of truth, and stands as a much-needed antidote to the venomous miasma that much of modern culture seems bent on creating around such formerly straightforward concepts as manhood, masculinity, and boyhood.
"Toxic masculinity"? No, it is our postmodern, politically-corrected parody of masculinity that is toxic, as Esolen makes clear. And the prescription he recommends is a bracing corrective! Listen to the chapter titles: "The Arena to Enter," "Brothers to Gather," "Mountains to Climb," "The Man to Follow," "Work to Do," "Songs to Sing," "Enemies to Slay," and "Life to Give." These are the stuff of boyhood, on the way to mature manhood, and there is nothing toxic about them.
The boy is father to the man, and these are the elements that, practiced in boyhood, shape a physically, intellectually, morally, and spiritually healthy man: stretching, testing, and strengthening one's body, mind, and spirit; finding those who are worthy of one's loyalty, both peers and leaders; engaging in useful labor; seeking new horizons; and ultimately, if one is called to do so, giving one's life for one's loved ones, or a worthy cause – or at least, being willing to do so. Anyone finding these things "toxic" is, I am afraid, already succumbing to toxins, oneself. But be of good cheer, for this slim volume provides a nourishing antidote.
Now, Esolen does not shy away from the obvious: that some males, and some relationships between males – including between men and boys – have been and are, indeed, toxic. Pederasty among ancient Greeks, and pedophilia in his own Roman Church, are two examples he cites. Yet he refuses – and rightly so – to make a rule of the exceptions, calling out abuses, and strongly, but refusing to pretend that they are normative: a few bad apples do not spoil the barrel, not if they are recognized and dealt with as such.
And throughout this volume, he strikes a note that is familiar from others of his writings I have had the pleasure to read: he emphasizes the importance of the real over the supposed, the theoretical, the artificial. To be sure, he proposes – and presupposes – ideals. But they are backed with the reality of nature and history, of the actual experience of cultures and societies, and individuals, over time. He may sometimes thunder in judgment, like an Old Testament patriarch or prophet, but his is fundamentally and ultimately an optimistic, hopeful view.
When he speaks of the importance of boys engaging in largely unstructured, authentic contact with Nature, I am reminded of Richard Louv's Last Child in the Woods: Saving Our Children from Nature-Deficit Disorder – with the two caveats that a) Esolen is dealing with boys in specific, where Louv deals with children in general; and that b) he is approaching the matter from a spiritual perspective (Christian in essence, but interpreted broadly enough to include virtuous pagans), where Louv's work is largely secular, touching but lightly on the spiritual. Yet in many ways they compliment each other, and if one were seeking to raise a boy, I would recommend reading both works.
But what is perhaps most striking about this book is, again, his optimism, and the hopeful tone of the work: Esolen believes in boys, believes in boyhood, and believes that a boyhood spent (as the subtitle puts it) "building forts, reading stories, playing ball, and praying to God" really can not only build better men – "men with chests," as he quotes C.S. Lewis in affirming – but that they really can change the world. He believes this, and so do I.
Read this book.
As a former boy myself, I resonate strongly with the former boy that shines through Esolen's mature, erudite, and engaging writing, and frequently found myself nodding in emphatic agreement. His treatment of boyhood, and boys – what they value, how they view life, and the goals and ideals that are common to boys across time, geography, and culture – has the ring of truth, and stands as a much-needed antidote to the venomous miasma that much of modern culture seems bent on creating around such formerly straightforward concepts as manhood, masculinity, and boyhood.
"Toxic masculinity"? No, it is our postmodern, politically-corrected parody of masculinity that is toxic, as Esolen makes clear. And the prescription he recommends is a bracing corrective! Listen to the chapter titles: "The Arena to Enter," "Brothers to Gather," "Mountains to Climb," "The Man to Follow," "Work to Do," "Songs to Sing," "Enemies to Slay," and "Life to Give." These are the stuff of boyhood, on the way to mature manhood, and there is nothing toxic about them.
The boy is father to the man, and these are the elements that, practiced in boyhood, shape a physically, intellectually, morally, and spiritually healthy man: stretching, testing, and strengthening one's body, mind, and spirit; finding those who are worthy of one's loyalty, both peers and leaders; engaging in useful labor; seeking new horizons; and ultimately, if one is called to do so, giving one's life for one's loved ones, or a worthy cause – or at least, being willing to do so. Anyone finding these things "toxic" is, I am afraid, already succumbing to toxins, oneself. But be of good cheer, for this slim volume provides a nourishing antidote.
Now, Esolen does not shy away from the obvious: that some males, and some relationships between males – including between men and boys – have been and are, indeed, toxic. Pederasty among ancient Greeks, and pedophilia in his own Roman Church, are two examples he cites. Yet he refuses – and rightly so – to make a rule of the exceptions, calling out abuses, and strongly, but refusing to pretend that they are normative: a few bad apples do not spoil the barrel, not if they are recognized and dealt with as such.
And throughout this volume, he strikes a note that is familiar from others of his writings I have had the pleasure to read: he emphasizes the importance of the real over the supposed, the theoretical, the artificial. To be sure, he proposes – and presupposes – ideals. But they are backed with the reality of nature and history, of the actual experience of cultures and societies, and individuals, over time. He may sometimes thunder in judgment, like an Old Testament patriarch or prophet, but his is fundamentally and ultimately an optimistic, hopeful view.
When he speaks of the importance of boys engaging in largely unstructured, authentic contact with Nature, I am reminded of Richard Louv's Last Child in the Woods: Saving Our Children from Nature-Deficit Disorder – with the two caveats that a) Esolen is dealing with boys in specific, where Louv deals with children in general; and that b) he is approaching the matter from a spiritual perspective (Christian in essence, but interpreted broadly enough to include virtuous pagans), where Louv's work is largely secular, touching but lightly on the spiritual. Yet in many ways they compliment each other, and if one were seeking to raise a boy, I would recommend reading both works.
But what is perhaps most striking about this book is, again, his optimism, and the hopeful tone of the work: Esolen believes in boys, believes in boyhood, and believes that a boyhood spent (as the subtitle puts it) "building forts, reading stories, playing ball, and praying to God" really can not only build better men – "men with chests," as he quotes C.S. Lewis in affirming – but that they really can change the world. He believes this, and so do I.
Read this book.
May 30, 2024
4.5 stars. Really excellent.
July 11, 2019
I wanted to like this book, but don’t. The parts of it that are true are nothing new and are largely true of boys and girls. Following a Charlotte Mason style of education naturally hits on most of the things he recommends doing. It’s not so much what you present that is different between boys and girls, but which parts resonate with each child.
.
I enjoyed How to Destroy the Imagination of your Child and in that book his tone worked. In this it comes off icky. His comments about feminists sound like misogyny and I think he has an idealist view of the Greeks, easily dismissing their practice of pederasty. While I agree that boys and men need some time without girls and women (just as they need time without boys/men), I don’t think it’s a good idea generally for boys to have a lot of unsupervised free time together, nor do I think it right to have public places where women are not allowed. This book seems to make more of a case for an all boys boarding school than it does anything else. Except to disparage “feminist” teachers.
.
Early in the book Esolen says that men are always having to prove their manhood, but women never have to prove their womanhood because it is evident in their shape. I don’t agree. To “be a man” is simply to do one’s duty well and with the appropriate attitude, whether that is fatherhood, work or going to war and there is no set age for any of those things. No one says “be a woman,” but to be a woman as God intended you to be is also simply to do your duty, which often is, but isn’t always, to bear and raise children. That is not something that happens automatically when you develop breasts. There are many little girls who look like women and need to have their childhood guarded. Both men and women can and do reject their duties.
.
Boys are absolutely different from girls, but I don’t feel that this book is actually helpful in any practical way. Scouting for Boys, The Original 1908 Edition, by Robert Baden-Powell has a lot more to offer.
.
.
I enjoyed How to Destroy the Imagination of your Child and in that book his tone worked. In this it comes off icky. His comments about feminists sound like misogyny and I think he has an idealist view of the Greeks, easily dismissing their practice of pederasty. While I agree that boys and men need some time without girls and women (just as they need time without boys/men), I don’t think it’s a good idea generally for boys to have a lot of unsupervised free time together, nor do I think it right to have public places where women are not allowed. This book seems to make more of a case for an all boys boarding school than it does anything else. Except to disparage “feminist” teachers.
.
Early in the book Esolen says that men are always having to prove their manhood, but women never have to prove their womanhood because it is evident in their shape. I don’t agree. To “be a man” is simply to do one’s duty well and with the appropriate attitude, whether that is fatherhood, work or going to war and there is no set age for any of those things. No one says “be a woman,” but to be a woman as God intended you to be is also simply to do your duty, which often is, but isn’t always, to bear and raise children. That is not something that happens automatically when you develop breasts. There are many little girls who look like women and need to have their childhood guarded. Both men and women can and do reject their duties.
.
Boys are absolutely different from girls, but I don’t feel that this book is actually helpful in any practical way. Scouting for Boys, The Original 1908 Edition, by Robert Baden-Powell has a lot more to offer.
.
July 1, 2022
Fantastic. The boys in your life will be grateful you read this one.
March 30, 2019
It is not an exaggeration to say that boyhood, like manhood is despised and rejected today. Whether as “toxic masculinity” or the attempt to obliterate all distinctions between us. We are at war against manhood, and thus we are at war against ourselves and God.
Along come Tony Esolen, Professor of Renaissance Studies at Thomas More College. Starting with the life and “growing up” of Christ, Esolen expands on these themes: entering the arena of men, brotherhood, “Mountains to Climb”, discipleship as following other men, hard work, singing, the slaying of dragons and the giving of ourselves.
Everyone with sons and grandsons will benefit from this, and those that teach boys will too. Get it, read it and pass it around. These are the books we need.
Along come Tony Esolen, Professor of Renaissance Studies at Thomas More College. Starting with the life and “growing up” of Christ, Esolen expands on these themes: entering the arena of men, brotherhood, “Mountains to Climb”, discipleship as following other men, hard work, singing, the slaying of dragons and the giving of ourselves.
Everyone with sons and grandsons will benefit from this, and those that teach boys will too. Get it, read it and pass it around. These are the books we need.
October 26, 2022
Anthony Esolen specializes in lamenting the cultural decline of the West. And who better to do it? He writes well, is a master of the classics, handles literature from every era with ease and familiarity, and has a clear sense of what we've lost so far.
There is some overlap here between some other books by Esolen which I have enjoyed: '10 Ways to Destroy the Imagination of your Child' and 'Out of the Ashes'. But this can be forgiven.
In this book, Esolen sets his sights on the plight of modern boyhood. He rails against the feminization of education, the imagination-deadening modern curriculum, the soul-corrupting influence of the internet, and so much more. There is more than a little nostalgia for a simpler and purer time. But there is a lot to glean as well as I raise my own son in this day and age.
Esolen has his own distinctive prose style that I know will not appeal to everyone. I don't mind it, although I find him to be most truly in his element when lecturing and speaking publicly. That was one of the drawbacks of listening to this book on audio - it was read by someone else who doesn't sound anything like him. Oh, and it's a little heavy on the Roman Catholic stuff for this reformed Baptist.
Regardless, I think it's a valuable book.
There is some overlap here between some other books by Esolen which I have enjoyed: '10 Ways to Destroy the Imagination of your Child' and 'Out of the Ashes'. But this can be forgiven.
In this book, Esolen sets his sights on the plight of modern boyhood. He rails against the feminization of education, the imagination-deadening modern curriculum, the soul-corrupting influence of the internet, and so much more. There is more than a little nostalgia for a simpler and purer time. But there is a lot to glean as well as I raise my own son in this day and age.
Esolen has his own distinctive prose style that I know will not appeal to everyone. I don't mind it, although I find him to be most truly in his element when lecturing and speaking publicly. That was one of the drawbacks of listening to this book on audio - it was read by someone else who doesn't sound anything like him. Oh, and it's a little heavy on the Roman Catholic stuff for this reformed Baptist.
Regardless, I think it's a valuable book.
December 18, 2024
This is a great book for moms and dads to read as they navigate parenting boys. For myself as a mother, it really helped to put into perspective my own expectations, fears, and “helicopter” tendencies when parenting my 10-year old son. I also loved what he said about the role of imaginative play, good literature and music, outside play, and risk-taking for the formation of a rightly-ordered man and the dangers of mothering a boy to the point of turning out effeminate men.
September 4, 2020
Even though much of Esolen's thought on the topic of boyhood was not new or revelatory for me, this was certainly a worthwhile read. Our feminized (or increasingly androgynous) culture talks far too little about the real distinctions of boys and the need for them to mature into men. Specifically, gentlemen who can own and control their masculine strength to avoid becoming either macho brutes or puerile weaklings.
Some of the topics Esolen includes are to be expected: the masculine need to conquer, to receive honest praise, and to have a band of brothers. Others are more surprising: the manliness of poetry and song, for instance.
This is more a book of philosophical truth than practical advice, although taking the truths presented to heart will necessarily result in changed attitudes toward and treatment of boys.
Esolen would argue that time outside, good companionship, hard work, knowledge of cultural history, and devout piety enliven boys and lead them to full, mature, honorable manhood. In a time when masculinity is at best considered interchangeable with femininity and at worst derided as hateful, this is a timely book for those who want boys to thrive and grow rather than survive and stagnate.
Some of the topics Esolen includes are to be expected: the masculine need to conquer, to receive honest praise, and to have a band of brothers. Others are more surprising: the manliness of poetry and song, for instance.
This is more a book of philosophical truth than practical advice, although taking the truths presented to heart will necessarily result in changed attitudes toward and treatment of boys.
Esolen would argue that time outside, good companionship, hard work, knowledge of cultural history, and devout piety enliven boys and lead them to full, mature, honorable manhood. In a time when masculinity is at best considered interchangeable with femininity and at worst derided as hateful, this is a timely book for those who want boys to thrive and grow rather than survive and stagnate.
May 1, 2019
An excellent tribute to boyhood, and an appeal to save our boys from a culture that seems intent on removing from them everything boyish. The author is a Catholic scholar who has no qualms about discussing scriptural teachings in his defense of boyhood. There are no statistics or philosophical arguments, yet we are convinced that he has made his point through the continual references to (1) literature of all sorts and from all ages, which support his claims, and (2) the personal experiences of all kinds of boys throughout the ages, including himself, which reflect our own experiences, and remind us of our own boyhood. We are reminded that there are real boyish needs which, if we withhold them from our boys, it is either because we are cruel, ignorant, or have bought into a cruel ideology. We are reminded that boys need to be trained up as boys to become real virtuous men, and to do otherwise is to cripple the next generation, and is bad not only for the boys, but also for women. This book should be read by every parent, and by educators of all sorts.
December 4, 2021
Full disclosure, I am a mother writing this review. The author repeatedly points out the difference of the sexes, so maybe that contributes to my review.
I really wanted to like this book and I mostly did. If the goal was to convince us that boyhood is under attack in our culture, it succeeds. My main complaint is that it doesn’t really give us anything to work with as far as how we should raise our boys to be men. Mostly this book is full of stories of boys/men in the past. I had hoped this would be a bit more advice giving. I also think the book could have been a bit shorter, the author repeatedly quotes old movies, shows, books, characters etc and while some were interesting and helpful, others just seemed to add length (I’m in my mid-20s and had never heard of a lot of these characters/people). But that’s just my opinion.
All in all, I think it’s worth reading and it did give me some insight as a mother on things I need to be cautionary of as our boys grow up, but it probably isn’t something I’ll read again.
I really wanted to like this book and I mostly did. If the goal was to convince us that boyhood is under attack in our culture, it succeeds. My main complaint is that it doesn’t really give us anything to work with as far as how we should raise our boys to be men. Mostly this book is full of stories of boys/men in the past. I had hoped this would be a bit more advice giving. I also think the book could have been a bit shorter, the author repeatedly quotes old movies, shows, books, characters etc and while some were interesting and helpful, others just seemed to add length (I’m in my mid-20s and had never heard of a lot of these characters/people). But that’s just my opinion.
All in all, I think it’s worth reading and it did give me some insight as a mother on things I need to be cautionary of as our boys grow up, but it probably isn’t something I’ll read again.
December 20, 2019
While sympathetic to the message, this book would not be convincing to others. It could have done without some of the long reminiscing about the author's childhood and cliched "tough talk." The litanies of examples from history to back up his points are usually dull, but occasionally interesting. A few good passages are present, but overall, I don't think the book really doesn't speak to younger generations, i.e. the ones that need the message most.
September 26, 2022
Excellent. Aligns with and expands on what I know & have been learning about boys from growing up with 3 brothers to now having a husband and 3 sons. Very helpful, not least because this book is full of book and poetry suggestions. We also met our new favorite song in the pages of this book: Men of Harlech. My boys can be heard bellowing out this battle song at any time of day, all over the house.
April 9, 2024
This book should be required reading for any parent of boys. Rather than giving step by step advice, Esolen paints a vivid picture of boyhood, filled with stories for the reader to draw advice from. He threads the needle of encouraging parents to teach boys self-mastery while not squashing their tendencies toward aggression and competition, unwelcome in society today but fundamental to boyhood. He points to well loved books to illustrate his message and I came away from it with a list of books to read to my boys. He also roots his message in the man of Jesus and spends a lot of time comparing his observations of boyhood with what we learn from the Holy Family. This was written more towards fathers, but there was a lot to take away from this book as a mother of boys and I was enlightened to so many ways that my boys and I look at the world differently and how I can encourage them to grow into good men.
November 4, 2025
Really beautiful book, and classic Esolen. Defending the good of boyishness, and setting out the unchanging needs of boys. Many good things to reflect on as the father of boys.
March 2, 2022
Quick read on an interesting topic. Thought provoking at times. Some of the illustrations could be applied to both genders. I think I went in to the book looking more for a how to guide than pontification.
Overall boys need to be outside, adventure, companionship, a higher purpose (devotion to God), and to be challenged. Boys also need to understand the why. My favorite part of the book was that at times in adolescence boys need to be separated from girls in order to allow the boys to grow/work together without competing for the girls attention.
Overall boys need to be outside, adventure, companionship, a higher purpose (devotion to God), and to be challenged. Boys also need to understand the why. My favorite part of the book was that at times in adolescence boys need to be separated from girls in order to allow the boys to grow/work together without competing for the girls attention.
February 22, 2022
A must read for everyone, especially parents of boys! When I first started this I found myself saying things like "but girls can play sports too...and climb trees, and build forts." Then I reminded myself that this is not a book defending girlhood. This is a book defending boyhood in a culture that so desperately needs it. It was refreshing to read a book defending the point of letting boys be boys.
February 20, 2020
This review is mostly for the few friends who follow me and trust me for book recommendations. I wanted to like this book, but I actually mostly hated it. In the introduction, he mentions how "absurd" it would be to picture a group of women and girls attending a baseball game for fun, so he lost me there (as the descendant of many baseball-loving men AND women) and I never really got fully back on board. I listened to the audio version, and the reader's voice didn't help my assessment, as it was kind of whiny and condescending.
I wavered between a 1- and 2-star rating because I don't think I actually disagree with the author's main point that boyhood and masculinity are under attack from our culture's post-modern, progressive and politically-correct ideals. We no longer know or respect what it means to be masculine and feminine, and this is hurting our children.
But I think a better title for this book would have been Defending The Good Ol' Days. The basic point I got was that the best thing to do if you are raising boys is to go back to 1873 to do it. Or at the very least before 1950. Since that isn't possible for me, I think I'm going to revisit Dr. Meg Meeker's books about raising boys, or check out Dr. Dobson's. This book gave me no practical or useful ideas or information aside from telling me to classically educate my boys, preferably at an all-boys boarding school, whilst also letting them run free in the woods with lots of tools to play and work with, and for sure keep them away from feminists and bad lady teachers.
I wavered between a 1- and 2-star rating because I don't think I actually disagree with the author's main point that boyhood and masculinity are under attack from our culture's post-modern, progressive and politically-correct ideals. We no longer know or respect what it means to be masculine and feminine, and this is hurting our children.
But I think a better title for this book would have been Defending The Good Ol' Days. The basic point I got was that the best thing to do if you are raising boys is to go back to 1873 to do it. Or at the very least before 1950. Since that isn't possible for me, I think I'm going to revisit Dr. Meg Meeker's books about raising boys, or check out Dr. Dobson's. This book gave me no practical or useful ideas or information aside from telling me to classically educate my boys, preferably at an all-boys boarding school, whilst also letting them run free in the woods with lots of tools to play and work with, and for sure keep them away from feminists and bad lady teachers.
September 28, 2019
Such a common sense book. This is how my cousins and I were raised and how I want to raise my boys. God fearing and respectful. Adventures and with a desire to test their own strength. Inventive and fluent in the classical literature of boyhood and true manliness. Wild and free and courageous.
Great book for parents and teachers alike. Squirmy boys don’t need to be chastised or medicated. They need to be challenged, they need positive male role models, they need freedom to roam and get dirty and use their imagination, even if it means rough housing or bloody knees.
Great book for parents and teachers alike. Squirmy boys don’t need to be chastised or medicated. They need to be challenged, they need positive male role models, they need freedom to roam and get dirty and use their imagination, even if it means rough housing or bloody knees.
March 28, 2019
A much-needed work. Anthony Esolen doesn't waste time quarreling with those who are against the development of healthy masculinity, in this book; he goes straight to describing how it must be done, and illustrates with examples from various times, cultures, and fields of endeavor.
May 31, 2022
I would put this on a boy-mom must-read list. It was beautiful in the way that football or climbing trees in the sunshine or an army marching with banners is beautiful. It made me love my boys more for who God made them to be.
May 20, 2025
This book makes me want to live outside while I sing masculine hymns while building something to the glory of Christ. A great book that says, to properly raise a boy, you must first know how they operate and why they operate.
Esolen pulls from so many good sources that I had to go back and make a list of them so that I can read them as well. He also recommends many good books to help your sons read about true virtue. I include this tribute which he quotes in the book by John Whittier:
“Blessings on thee, little man,
Barefoot boy, with cheek of tan!
With thy turned-up pantaloons,
And thy merry whistled tunes;
With thy red lip, redder still
Kissed by strawberries on the hill;
With the sunshine on thy face,
Through thy torn brim's jaunty grace;
From my heart I give thee joy,-
I was once a barefoot boy!
Prince thou art, — the grown-up man
Only is republican.”
Esolen pulls from so many good sources that I had to go back and make a list of them so that I can read them as well. He also recommends many good books to help your sons read about true virtue. I include this tribute which he quotes in the book by John Whittier:
“Blessings on thee, little man,
Barefoot boy, with cheek of tan!
With thy turned-up pantaloons,
And thy merry whistled tunes;
With thy red lip, redder still
Kissed by strawberries on the hill;
With the sunshine on thy face,
Through thy torn brim's jaunty grace;
From my heart I give thee joy,-
I was once a barefoot boy!
Prince thou art, — the grown-up man
Only is republican.”
June 6, 2024
There is much to like about this book. The story telling and vignettes were a good choice for a book like this and made it an enjoyable read. I have two complains though. The first is that Esolen doesn’t seem to have a robust, philosophical, biblical framework for thinking about the differences between and purposes of the sexes. I think the whole book would have been more effective with that. As it was there were some random moments of Darwinism and Freudianism. The second complaint is that his scriptural exegesis was rather superficial.
March 6, 2024
I didn’t think that Esolen gave much of a defense of boyhood. Although I’m all for boyhood and agree with his claims, I found the book like a long rant of saying the same things with no real reasoning. It did make me think about boyhood however, the importance of some aspects of it and how to foster it in little ones!
February 1, 2024
Extremely good book. I wanted to highlight almost all of it. Very Catholic-y, so not quite five stars, but close….🤣
It makes me feel like the time I have left with my boys is too short.
I have lots to do. ❤️ Model airplanes to buy.
It makes me feel like the time I have left with my boys is too short.
I have lots to do. ❤️ Model airplanes to buy.
May 14, 2022
Fantastic book on boyhood and how to defend boyhood at a time when it is under attack. Esolen, as usual, is insightful and spicy.
December 22, 2019
Five stars is hardly adequate for this excellent book. It is one of the best and most timely things I've read (on any subject) in recent memory. At a point in history when so many people are grossly confused and perversely misguided as to such fundamentals as marriage and family and basic human identity as male or female, Anthony Esolen has offered us a much needed breath of fresh air in what is basically (or ought to be) common sense. The content of the book is pure gold from start to finish. It is also beautifully written. I do not mean that it is "flowery" (at all), but it is deliciously eloquent in its clearheaded points and straightforward expression of honest truth. I'm sure there are some who might quibble with a point or two here and there, and I myself do not share every aspect of Esolen's conservative Roman Catholic piety, but I found myself highlighting multiple choice tidbits in every chapter and have been compelled to share many of those with others on Facebook. I do not believe that Esolen overdoes his argument or overstates his case, but he speaks with a steady confidence and conviction that flow naturally from the consistent witness of history and the revelation of the Holy Scriptures. And as he points out in his preface, the things he has to say (and argue and defend) should not even need to be said, because they have been so obvious to every previous generation. But as there is a desperate need to say such things in these grey and latter days, thanks be to God for the clarity and eloquence of faithful, sturdy men like Anthony Esolen. This is a gem of a book that ought to be read by every husband, father, and son, and by their wives and mothers and sisters, as well.
April 10, 2021
I really thought I would like this book, because I respect Dr. Esolen's work. However, I thought this book was largely based on stereotypes and not on research. Dr. Esolen pulled from his own personal vast, diverse streams of knowledge to write the book, but his tone was off-putting. If I wasn't reading this book already convinced that boys are different from girls and need to be given chances to be boys, I probably wouldn't have finished it. Here were some good take-a-ways though:
- I thought that the chapter on music in boys education was INCREDIBLE! Talk about truth, goodness and beauty! This chapter alone was worth the read, and I'll be returning to it whenever I need rejuvenation.
- I was reminded by how fundamentally different boys and girls play. Boys play in a way that is often non-verbal and more physical. Rank and hierarchy is important. Honor, valor, strength - all important. I'm reminded of how I need more boy playdates for my son!
- I'll be looking to another resource though about emotional intelligence in boys - this wasn't talked about.
- I thought that the chapter on music in boys education was INCREDIBLE! Talk about truth, goodness and beauty! This chapter alone was worth the read, and I'll be returning to it whenever I need rejuvenation.
- I was reminded by how fundamentally different boys and girls play. Boys play in a way that is often non-verbal and more physical. Rank and hierarchy is important. Honor, valor, strength - all important. I'm reminded of how I need more boy playdates for my son!
- I'll be looking to another resource though about emotional intelligence in boys - this wasn't talked about.
April 18, 2023
While there was a bit of wisdom that stuck with me, I wasn’t wowed by the book as a whole. I wanted more practical application of what the author was discussing. For instance, yes, I think we can agree that free play in the rugged outdoors is great for our young boys. So what does one do when they find themselves living in suburbia, with no glacial crags at the end of their street upon which to frolic!?
In a nutshell: a lot of references to classic literature that I should probably know but don’t, big words and run-on sentences I had to read three times to understand, much praising of the ancient Greeks, hero worship of Carl Sandburg and reminiscing about a childhood filled with “good old fashioned fun.” Also, baseball. So. Much. Baseball.
In a nutshell: a lot of references to classic literature that I should probably know but don’t, big words and run-on sentences I had to read three times to understand, much praising of the ancient Greeks, hero worship of Carl Sandburg and reminiscing about a childhood filled with “good old fashioned fun.” Also, baseball. So. Much. Baseball.
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