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Joy from Fear: Create the Life of Your Dreams by Making Fear Your Friend
If you find yourself running away from fear, you’re running in the wrong direction. Fear demands that we move toward it, face it, and hear its messages. When we fail to do this, the price is high―chronic anxiety, sleeplessness, damaged relationships, skyrocketing pharmaceutical use, and more. In her enlightening book Joy from Fear, clinical psychologist Dr. Carla Marie Manly explains that fear is not the enemy we thought it was; fear, when faced with awareness, is the powerful ally and best friend we all need. Dr. Manly's work is firmly based in science but goes far beyond presenting the dry facts. Joy from Fear offers page after page of real-life examples, insights, easy-to-use tools, and life-changing exercises. Coining the term transformational fear , Dr. Manly illuminates the importance of embracing fear’s messages for a transformed life filled with freedom and lasting happiness.
350 pages, Paperback
Published April 1, 2019
35 people are currently reading
373 people want to read
About the author
Carla Marie Manly
5 books25 followersDr. Carla Marie Manly—clinical psychologist, author, and podcaster—is based in Sonoma County, California. With a refreshingly direct and honest approach—plus a dose of humor—Dr. Manly enjoys supporting others in the ever-evolving journey of life. Her novel self-development paradigm builds resilience, emotional intelligence, and self-esteem. Highlighting the importance of loving connection, her work also focuses on helping others create deeply connected and satisfying intimate relationships. Host of the captivating podcast, Imperfect Love, Dr. Manly offers uplifting guidance on navigating the messy road of life. Working from a transformative model that honors the body-mind-spirit connection, she also offers holistic relationship and wellness seminars around the world. In addition, Dr. Manly is deeply invested in her roles as a mental health consultant and speaker. An award-winning author, her books, The Joy of Imperfect Love, Date Smart, Joy from Fear, and Aging Joyfully highlight her empowering approach and profound expertise. Dr. Manly's expertise is also regularly cited in media outlets including The Wall Street Journal, The New York Times, The Los Angeles Times, USA Today, Forbes, Oprah, Newsweek, NBC, HuffPost, Reader’s Digest, Psychology Today, Parade, GQ, Women’s Health, Architectural Digest, Men’s Health, and more.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 33 reviews
January 18, 2020
This book is a must have for referring to in times of trials and questioning. I love that this book doesn't remind me of other self-help books. The way the chapters are broken down make it so approachable and easy to pick-up in whatever section is most applicable to my life at the time. It is a wonderful reminder to use the strengths from within as well as to learn and grow throughout life and all the experiences one goes through. I've found that it also makes for a wonderful gift to give to a friend in show of support when my words do not seem to be enough.
May 10, 2020
Reading Joy From Fear really helped me understand how to conquer and use my fears as motivations. It made me feel normal, it made me feel like I wasn’t alone. Her gentle guidance helped me through some tough time, it’s a MUST read!
June 27, 2019
The biggest take away from this book for me is to look at fear as a tool to learn about yourself and not let it cripple you.
July 23, 2019
Just finished reading this astounding book and am currently putting together a more detailed book review of it on my blog Arash's World. I have read quite a few self-help books about how to deal with anxiety and am myself working on a book on the same topic, yet Dr. Carla Marie Manly's Joy From Fear has been the best I have encountered so far. In fact, her approach is surprisingly close, albeit not identical, to my own.
I love the many details and examples she provides not only of the current state of living, but with it the many traumas we have to face in our modern lifestyles, whether on a personal or professional level. By identifying fear as destructive but also as potentially constructive and as an opportunity for transformational healing, she gives life-changing and -affirming advice that anybody can take to heart and benefit from.
So if you are willing to take the journey with her, you will come out a much clearer-minded and joyful individual. You cannot avoid fear, and you should not fight or repress it, but you can certainly learn from it. Dr. Manly gives you the insight, tool and exercises to connect you with your higher self. Although the path is arduous and obstacle-filled, it will help you create the life of your dreams instead of one that is half-lived and driven by fear and insecurity.
I love the many details and examples she provides not only of the current state of living, but with it the many traumas we have to face in our modern lifestyles, whether on a personal or professional level. By identifying fear as destructive but also as potentially constructive and as an opportunity for transformational healing, she gives life-changing and -affirming advice that anybody can take to heart and benefit from.
So if you are willing to take the journey with her, you will come out a much clearer-minded and joyful individual. You cannot avoid fear, and you should not fight or repress it, but you can certainly learn from it. Dr. Manly gives you the insight, tool and exercises to connect you with your higher self. Although the path is arduous and obstacle-filled, it will help you create the life of your dreams instead of one that is half-lived and driven by fear and insecurity.
November 7, 2019
What a life-changer! I never thought of fear as being helpful. This book changed my way of thinking about so many things in my life that have kept me blocked and depressed. It is amazing that I am already thinking and feeling differently about my life from reading this book. Fabulous read and a good friend in book form.
August 8, 2019
Wonderful book that is very deep and probes into what makes us who we are. If you're looking for help liberating yourself from a life you shouldn't be living, give this a read. The author breaks down the simple and difficult parts of life that trip us up and keep us from living a fulfilling life. This was just what I needed!
August 12, 2023
Fantastic deep dive on the role of destructive versus constructive fear in connection, relationship, and self-exploration and love. Highly, highly recommend -- very applicable to my own life especially at this particular time, a time of significant emotional change and growth.
January 16, 2020
AWESOME BOOK. I've read it three times already and learned more with every reading. Perfect for people who want to grow emotionally and be less anxious about life.
March 15, 2024
An exceptional book that changed my outlook and guided me to engage fear in a productive manner. This book was honest and empowering and the research shared was impressive and eye opening.
March 21, 2020
During these challenging times this powerful book will be particularly helpful in calming anxieties and fears caused by the unprecedented circumstances we are all facing created by the Coronavirus. It is well worth taking the time now to do some of the many exercises the book has to offer. Completing even one exercise can make a big difference and I highly recommend it.
Dr. Manly’s comprehensive book is a delight to read as it is masterly balanced with powerful, relatable case studies, spirituality and writing exercises designed to gently uncover inner awareness leading to transforming negative (destructive) fear into positive (constructive) fear. After reading Joy From Fear I can honestly say that I feel calmer and freer because anxieties which had been holding me hostage from enjoying life to its fullest have been tamed to an unexpected degree.
Dr. Manly’s comprehensive book is a delight to read as it is masterly balanced with powerful, relatable case studies, spirituality and writing exercises designed to gently uncover inner awareness leading to transforming negative (destructive) fear into positive (constructive) fear. After reading Joy From Fear I can honestly say that I feel calmer and freer because anxieties which had been holding me hostage from enjoying life to its fullest have been tamed to an unexpected degree.
April 20, 2020
This book presents science with spiritual awareness in a way I've never experienced before. The concept of fear as a positive element and a helpmate in working through trauma/anxiety/despair is positively game changing. Even for someone (like me) who wasn't exactly sure what was bothering her, the book somehow gently probes through layers of scar tissue and gets to the heart of the matter. Manly's tone is gentle and compassionate. Her observations and information are non-judgmental. The advice and case studies are revelatory. When you are finished with this book you will not only understand how deeply fear permeates everything in your life ... you will know with confidence that you can live, and even thrive, with that knowledge.
October 30, 2021
This is an incredible book, one of the best books I have ever read!
Dr. Carla discusses how fear can paralyze us and leave us stuck and not able to move forward. She provides the reader with many examples, and even discusses some of her personal struggles. This book will give you the COURAGE to SEE how you can transform difficult situations into amazing life circumstances.
Dr. Carla has an amazing way of explaining how difficult situations can be seen as blessings and actually GOOD things that can happen to us as difficult situations help us to learn. Her book also encourages us to do what we normally wouldn't which is to take the plunge and CHANGE our life circumstances so that we can live our best life. Dr. Carla, THANK YOU! THANK YOU! Read this book! You will be so glad you did!
Dr. Carla discusses how fear can paralyze us and leave us stuck and not able to move forward. She provides the reader with many examples, and even discusses some of her personal struggles. This book will give you the COURAGE to SEE how you can transform difficult situations into amazing life circumstances.
Dr. Carla has an amazing way of explaining how difficult situations can be seen as blessings and actually GOOD things that can happen to us as difficult situations help us to learn. Her book also encourages us to do what we normally wouldn't which is to take the plunge and CHANGE our life circumstances so that we can live our best life. Dr. Carla, THANK YOU! THANK YOU! Read this book! You will be so glad you did!
November 1, 2021
My first time reading one of Carla Manly's books and I cannot understate how amazing this piece of literature is. Her writing's perfectly explain how the human body does not recognize time, a dramatic experience is embedded into one's soul. She explains how it is normal to have after effects once you have been through a dramatic experience. For someone who has been through quite a bit, this really helped me put into perspective that the world never stops turning and it is okay to acknowledge your feelings and experiences. I really like the way she writes, it is one of those books you can read in a day if you had the time, I know I COULD NOT PUT THE BOOK DOWN . Find time to reinvest into yourself you will not regret it.
January 7, 2022
This is a good book with many important ideas and interesting case studies. Unfortunately, it suffers from its long paragraphs, its near-academic style, and some of its word choices.
The biggest problem with this book is its effort to make fear sound like a positive thing. Who could really believe it? As a result, even the title is hard to believe. How is "Joy From Fear" even possible? The words seem contradictory. Throughout the book, the author talks about the difference between "destructive" and "constructive" fear. The author's explanation is that "constructive fear" is a really good thing that promotes positive change and transformation. She also calls it "transformative fear." Even though I understand what she's saying, my mind continues to be super resistant to the idea that fear could ever be a good thing.
Maybe it's just a challenge with word usage. In order to accept her ideas, it helps me to think of the idea of divine discontent, or an awareness of a need or lack. Sometimes, discomfort motivates change. I don't know that I would use the words "constructive fear" like the author uses them. At the same time, I understand that once you become less afraid of feeling the emotion of fear, then it becomes less of a bad thing. Maybe it shouldn't really be called fear at that point. I think "discontent" might be a better word. The following quotes will help explain some of the author's ideas.
"Anger, sadness, and fear are commonly termed 'negative' emotions, yet the emotions are not inherently negative; it is how an emotion is used (or misused) that can have negative results."
"The primitive, basic purpose of human emotions is to propel the individual to some sort of protective or helpful action." (Page 94)
"When an individual learns to modulate fear-induced emotional responses, new neural pathways are created." (Page 96)
This makes me think of our ability to rewire the amygdala so that we can more easily cope with our natural emotional responses.
"An emotion in itself is not bad or negative; it is the way the emotion surfaces in a dysregulated state that can be damaging."
The author seems to say that being aware of emotion, then having the vocabulary to translate and communicate that emotion, can lead to understanding and healing. She frequently uses the word "notice" during most of the exercises she recommends. Awareness is a huge part of her methods. There's a lot of "stop and breathe" moments too. This is a mindfulness-based way of dealing with fear.
I like the acronym HALT as part of personal awareness. She says the letters stand for "hungry, angry, lonely, tired." When we feel any of these feelings we might be more susceptible to a strong, negative emotional response.
I like "Alexander's" simplified list for himself that he put on his fridge to remind himself of how to regulate his emotions (on page 101) of the author's more complicated, general suggestions on the following page:
"1. Notice my emotion. 2. Breathe. 3. Feel it coming in my body. 4. Breathe and count to ten. 5. Acknowledge the emotion- give it a name. 6. Communicate the emotion ('I feel----!'). 7. Don't act the emotion. 8. Take a break (walk) if I need or want more time. 9. Consider and choose healthy responses. 10. Do something that feels rewarding (hot tub or shower). 11. Give positive feedback."
I like the author's definition of wellness:
"An active, conscious, and evolving process of making ever-wiser choices that benefit the body and psyche to create a dynamic, positive life filled with joy, love, and serenity." (Page 108)
"Destructive fear would try to convince you that your discomfort is too much to bear. It might make you want to vomit or run from the room. Destructive fear does not want you to be able to tolerate the idea of being uncomfortable. Interestingly, destructive fear also wants you to be uncomfortable with being comfortable." (Page 144)
"You have what it takes to be comfortably uncomfortable." (Page 145)
When we feel negatively toward a negative emotion it just makes it worse. If we can accept that we're going to experience negative emotion much of the time, then we aren't resisting, running, or freezing. We can be calm and know that negative emotion is just part of life.
"Remember, these sensations can be eased by noticing them, feeling them, and then releasing them. As you practice this, the physical sensations that are part of the emotional experience will diminish in intensity; they will have less power over you. By practicing this release of emotional energy, you will feel more comfortable with the vast array of feelings available to you. You will not be afraid of your feelings. " (Page 149)
I also like how the author defines relationships:
"A relationship is a state where those involved return to each other to bear, carry, and endure. This interpretation resonates with me deeply, for society uses the word 'relationship' so loosely that it can become almost meaningless." (Page 268)
"Indeed, a 'relationship' formed or continued on a lack of integrity- disrespect, dishonesty, manipulation, and the like- is not a true relationship. 'Convenienceships' is the term I have coined for such connections." (Page 269)
I checked this book out from my library along with several other books about how to overcome fear. I first picked it up a month or two go, but didn't feel like I had the mental space or the time to wade through it. I picked it up again a few days ago because I wanted to read a non-fiction book, it was the only one of this type on my shelf, and I hadn't yet returned this to the library. Overall, I'm happy I read it.
The biggest problem with this book is its effort to make fear sound like a positive thing. Who could really believe it? As a result, even the title is hard to believe. How is "Joy From Fear" even possible? The words seem contradictory. Throughout the book, the author talks about the difference between "destructive" and "constructive" fear. The author's explanation is that "constructive fear" is a really good thing that promotes positive change and transformation. She also calls it "transformative fear." Even though I understand what she's saying, my mind continues to be super resistant to the idea that fear could ever be a good thing.
Maybe it's just a challenge with word usage. In order to accept her ideas, it helps me to think of the idea of divine discontent, or an awareness of a need or lack. Sometimes, discomfort motivates change. I don't know that I would use the words "constructive fear" like the author uses them. At the same time, I understand that once you become less afraid of feeling the emotion of fear, then it becomes less of a bad thing. Maybe it shouldn't really be called fear at that point. I think "discontent" might be a better word. The following quotes will help explain some of the author's ideas.
"Anger, sadness, and fear are commonly termed 'negative' emotions, yet the emotions are not inherently negative; it is how an emotion is used (or misused) that can have negative results."
"The primitive, basic purpose of human emotions is to propel the individual to some sort of protective or helpful action." (Page 94)
"When an individual learns to modulate fear-induced emotional responses, new neural pathways are created." (Page 96)
This makes me think of our ability to rewire the amygdala so that we can more easily cope with our natural emotional responses.
"An emotion in itself is not bad or negative; it is the way the emotion surfaces in a dysregulated state that can be damaging."
The author seems to say that being aware of emotion, then having the vocabulary to translate and communicate that emotion, can lead to understanding and healing. She frequently uses the word "notice" during most of the exercises she recommends. Awareness is a huge part of her methods. There's a lot of "stop and breathe" moments too. This is a mindfulness-based way of dealing with fear.
I like the acronym HALT as part of personal awareness. She says the letters stand for "hungry, angry, lonely, tired." When we feel any of these feelings we might be more susceptible to a strong, negative emotional response.
I like "Alexander's" simplified list for himself that he put on his fridge to remind himself of how to regulate his emotions (on page 101) of the author's more complicated, general suggestions on the following page:
"1. Notice my emotion. 2. Breathe. 3. Feel it coming in my body. 4. Breathe and count to ten. 5. Acknowledge the emotion- give it a name. 6. Communicate the emotion ('I feel----!'). 7. Don't act the emotion. 8. Take a break (walk) if I need or want more time. 9. Consider and choose healthy responses. 10. Do something that feels rewarding (hot tub or shower). 11. Give positive feedback."
I like the author's definition of wellness:
"An active, conscious, and evolving process of making ever-wiser choices that benefit the body and psyche to create a dynamic, positive life filled with joy, love, and serenity." (Page 108)
"Destructive fear would try to convince you that your discomfort is too much to bear. It might make you want to vomit or run from the room. Destructive fear does not want you to be able to tolerate the idea of being uncomfortable. Interestingly, destructive fear also wants you to be uncomfortable with being comfortable." (Page 144)
"You have what it takes to be comfortably uncomfortable." (Page 145)
When we feel negatively toward a negative emotion it just makes it worse. If we can accept that we're going to experience negative emotion much of the time, then we aren't resisting, running, or freezing. We can be calm and know that negative emotion is just part of life.
"Remember, these sensations can be eased by noticing them, feeling them, and then releasing them. As you practice this, the physical sensations that are part of the emotional experience will diminish in intensity; they will have less power over you. By practicing this release of emotional energy, you will feel more comfortable with the vast array of feelings available to you. You will not be afraid of your feelings. " (Page 149)
I also like how the author defines relationships:
"A relationship is a state where those involved return to each other to bear, carry, and endure. This interpretation resonates with me deeply, for society uses the word 'relationship' so loosely that it can become almost meaningless." (Page 268)
"Indeed, a 'relationship' formed or continued on a lack of integrity- disrespect, dishonesty, manipulation, and the like- is not a true relationship. 'Convenienceships' is the term I have coined for such connections." (Page 269)
I checked this book out from my library along with several other books about how to overcome fear. I first picked it up a month or two go, but didn't feel like I had the mental space or the time to wade through it. I picked it up again a few days ago because I wanted to read a non-fiction book, it was the only one of this type on my shelf, and I hadn't yet returned this to the library. Overall, I'm happy I read it.
July 28, 2019
I FOUND THIS READ SO VERY HELPFUL WITH DEALING WITH CHILDHOOD THROUGH ADULT TRAUMA I HAVE BEEN LIVING WITH FOR SO LONG. THIS BOOK GAVE ME STEP BY STEP HELPFUL EXERCISES THAT HELPED CEMENT WHAT I WAS READING INTO MY MEMORY SO THAT I COULD TAKE ACTION IN MAKING ALL THOSE FEARS AND ANXIETIES WORK FOR ME INSTEAD OF AGAINST ME. THE REAL LIFE CASE STUDIES HELPED ME UNDERSTAND I WAS NOT ALONE IN WHAT I HAVE BEEN DEALING WITH FOR SO LONG. THANK YOU DR. MANLY FOR SUCH A WONDER SELF HELP BOOK WRITTEN IN A WAY THAT FELT AS IF IT WAS WRITTEN FOR ALL LEVEL OF READERS.
May 10, 2020
Joy From Fear is the perfect guidebook to overcoming the trials and tribulations of fear in your everyday life. Dr. Manly not only advises the reader on how to transform fear in a constructive way, but she also uses an interactive approach filled with exercises to help you along the way. It's almost as if you were in your own personal therapy session with her. We often find ourselves running away from fear or burying it deep down. After reading this book, I am able to face my fears and continue on the road to self discovery.
February 15, 2021
Joy from Fear is a book that challenges the reader to analyze their thinking and feeling patterns, and to put into action this awareness. It was helpful for me to read about how the body responds to fear, what destructive fear looks like, and to practice 'cleansing breaths'. The case studies help to realize that other people have dealt with similar circumstances. I didn't complete all of the exercises, but I think they are practical and made me think about what am I afraid of? This book has encouraging, positive messages and I recommended it to anyone, especially those who deal with anxiety.
June 7, 2020
Warmly written and filled with exercises, this book is a wonderful empowerment tool for helping you create shifts towards living a more joyful life. Not only does it explore where fear, anxiety and depression arise from, but it gives you what you need to take control of them and move forward in life. It's a cross between a self-guide and hanging out on a couch listening to a helpful, much smarter friend!
February 16, 2021
In Joy from Fear Dr. Manly discusses the three different types of fears: destructive, constructive, and transformational and how each of us can use transformational fear to change our worlds in positive ways. We are meant to be happy, free, and filled with love. Joy from Fear is filled with so many jewels including how we can learn to regulate our emotions and not let them control us. We have the inner strength and power to set life goals and strive to be our best selves.
May 6, 2020
Great book to give readers who can't afford therapy a way to deal with anxiety, PTSD, trauma, depression, etc. It teaches you about realistic fears and irrational fears, and helps empower people to figure out how to be your best self. Fear is always portrayed as the opposite of hope, but this book helps you to turn that around- to use that fear to bring hope INTO your life.
May 19, 2020
Dr. Manly weaves a wealth of clinical experience into "Joy From Fear," offering the reader important insights in an accessible and digestible way. Her deep care for the wellbeing of the reader comes across on every page. A beautiful edition to the library of anyone who wants to live a life more free from feelings that so often hold us back.
November 23, 2021
IF YOU DON'T LOVE (LOVE!) THIS BOOK, YOU'RE NOT PAYING ATTENTION. It's filled with solid insights for any person who wants to do genuine self-work. If you want a quick fix, get ready to go deeper. My life is already changing for the better because I am changing. I highly recommend this inspiring and supportive book.
January 16, 2020
Wonderful, well-researched read. A useful reminder that our seemingly useless biochemical responses can be utilized for personal gain if one only has the tools to repurpose them. This book provides the toolbox to do just that!
April 18, 2020
comes through to this reader in a way that makes me feel gently and lovingly held.
No greater gift to give to yourself than tools to transform fear into a process that can lead to deep peace where there once was anxiety.
A blessing in these interesting, sometimes fearful times.
No greater gift to give to yourself than tools to transform fear into a process that can lead to deep peace where there once was anxiety.
A blessing in these interesting, sometimes fearful times.
April 27, 2020
I truly believe fear can be your friend and this book is a great way to help you see how. It was easy for me to relate to the stories, which helped me to be open for more awareness. You will defiantly enjoy this book and learn a lot!
May 6, 2020
I love how this book encourages us to befriend our fears. In a gentle way, the author breaks down fear, how it holds us back, and impacts our health. This fresh perspective offers a clear path to becoming our best selves.
May 7, 2020
Excellent book that will not only help you face your fears, but use those fears. I didn't realize how much of my life was ruled by fear. I like the idea of "transformational fear" and listening to the fear to use it as a tool for self-discovery. Bravo, Dr. Carla Manly, bravo!
February 2, 2020
This book was very enriching for me. It touched the corners of my soul and helped me in many ways.
July 31, 2021
Love this book! So much wisdom!
November 23, 2021
GREAT BOOK. Practical tips and advice. I really learned a lot.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 33 reviews