Half The House: A Memoir

by Richard Hoffman, Diane Sterling (Editor)

The personal story of Richard Hoffman describes his childhood in blue-collar, postwar Allentown, life in a family with two terminally ill children, struggle with and recovery from alcoholism, and confrontation with his father

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Biography Memoir, Grad School

208 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1995

About the author

Richard Hoffman is an American poet.

A writer-in-residence at Emerson College in Boston, Hoffman also teaches for the University of Southern Maine’s Stonecoast low-residency MFA program.

Reviews

[Bridgit Brown · Rating 5 out of 5]

This books makes me want to have an HONEST conversation with my parents about some of the things that happened to me during childhood - painful things that make me wonder: why? Silence is not golden, talk truth to your loved ones while they are here - it might just relieve them of some of the weight that they too have been carrying around on their hearts. This is one of the messages that I got from this book. Thank you, Richard Hoffman. Your voice is clear, honest, direct, and your words are impeccable. I look forward to reading your poetry now.

[Byron Edgington · Rating 5 out of 5]

Here we have a memoir of growing up in a dying town, with two dying brothers, a physically and emotionally abusive father and a sexually predatory baseball coach. Toss in the mother’s consuming cigarette addiction and hopeless attachment to her Catholic Faith and we have a recipe for a grim, depressing story. Then why was this reviewer so filled with hope and a warm sense of renewal when it ended?
Part of it is Hoffman’s writing, the clear, unsentimental prose itself. Part of it is the author’s dogged persistence to ram the truth into the open, his dedication as a writer to leave no stone unturned, regardless of how slimy, repugnant and downright ugly whatever crawls, seeps or oozes out from under that cold, hard stone. Richard Hoffman may be the bravest writer I’ve ever read.
The arc of the story goes from his mother’s death, father’s despair at her passing, the demise (from Muscular Dystrophy) of two of the Hoffman sons and along the way exposing episodes of sexual abuse perpetrated by a baseball coach who is named in print. The author alters names of certain individuals in his family, but, as he writes in the intro: “In one instance, on principle, I have not.” That name belongs to his abuser, and I will name him here as well. It is Tom Feifel. Indeed, an underlying theme of Hoffman’s work here is not to dramatize what happened to him, no cheap trick to sell books, but to point out that hiding child sexual abuse behind euphemism, shame, ignorance and most especially the dominant male culture of macho entitlement is the oxygen that keeps it breathing in our culture. Writing it out, releasing the stories deprives that cultural artifact of the very sustenance it must have, thus killing it. Indeed, it was a copy of Half the House that ultimately sent Tom Feifel to prison. That’s writing at its best, its most enduring. Disclosure: This reviewer was sexually abused in a Catholic seminary at age fourteen, so Hoffman’s writing resonates with me in a deeper way than perhaps it might with others. I can attest that his incisive words cut like a laser at the heart of this ugly social issue. I was especially drawn to his neologism for abusers, Pedosceles, rather than Pedophiles. From Latin ‘scelus’ meaning ‘evil deed,’ calling these men Pedosceles erases the distracting ‘one who loves children’ translation of pedophile, removing its enabling medical condition label, and naming the evil that it truly is once and for all.
The book does wander around a bit, roaming between fatherly anger, to abuse, to mom’s brittle nature to family dynamics. There’s little mention of his immediate family, spouse, children and close friends. Perhaps that’s another book. But it’s the ending, the reconciliation between dad and son is both heartwarming and inspiring that makes Half the House a full, rich read.
Byron Edgington, author of The Sky Behind Me: A Memoir of Flying & Life

[Heather · Rating 4 out of 5]

Raw. Poignant. Honest. Raw. I will carry this memoir in my heart forever and I commend Richard for his bravery.

[Jake · Rating 3 out of 5]

Half the House covers many of the topics that have come to be stereotypically associated with memoirs; Hoffman’s relationship with his father, who terrorizes young Hoffman in ways he doesn’t even realize; the death of two of Hoffman’s younger brothers to muscular dystrophy; the sexual abuse Hoffman experienced at the hands of his little league baseball coach; Hoffman’s battle with alcoholism (this last one gets mentioned only obliquely. Details are scarce, but we know it happens). If I was going to make a list of stereotypical features of a memoir, Hoffman would have hit just about every button.


Which is not, I should be clear, to say that this is a bad thing, or a bad book. It’s a great book, though it’s quite far from being cheerful, uplifting, or any of the other Oprah-riffic words that get appended to memoir (it’s also true, which also apparently distinguishes it from certain Oprah-riffic memoirs). Hoffman strikes a nice balance between placing the reader in the moments of his childhood self, and also being able to reflect back on the events as an adult. This is something I’ve been struggling with like crazy in my own attempts at memoir, and it’s nice to see it done well here.


Hoffman’s prose is very nice. It’s got a quiet, sort of reflective quality; I felt like it carried his voice well, but I’ve also heard him speak, so it was easy for me to impose his speaking onto the words. I’m not sure how it would affect a reader who hasn’t met him, but I imagine it would still carry the quality of his voice well.


Half the House covers a lot of unpleasant material, and it hits hard, but it’s also not excessive. Hoffman doesn’t flinch from telling about what happened, but he doesn’t beat the reader with excessive details either. Perhaps the only exception to this is his struggles with alcohol, which are mentioned only somewhat tangentially, and given very little detail. That said, those struggles aren’t really the point of the book; it’s much more about Hoffman dealing with the abuses of his childhood, and coming to terms with them.


Overall, good book. Not the most uplifting, but not a total downer either. As I said, the writing is wonderful…it’s worth reading just of the quality of the prose alone.

[Julene · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wonderful memoir written by a poet. Break your heart book. Emotionally powerful through concrete images. Opening with father and son talking about burial ground. Climax of book is his revealing to his dad he was sexually molested as a child by his baseball coach. Then the two of them talking, going to the cemetery where his two brothers and mother are buried, and his grandparents nearby. It is a fast read to savor. A boy's world, a man's world—how do men connect—it makes one think. And introspection, asking himself what is it he wants, and then knowing. Having survived. And tears. And anger. A book with raw feelings felt and then processed with love. What more could we do for each other, this seems the ultimate.

He says to his father, "Memory is tricky, Dad. Sometimes you have to forget. To go on. I know that. But other times, to go on, you have to remember." This opens the conversation.

The poem at the beginning, also very moving, by C.P. Cavafy (the one who wrote the famous poem Ithaca), and contains the title of the book:

Growing in Spirit

He who hopes to grow in spirit
will have to trancsend obedience and respect.
He will hold to some laws
but he will mostly violate
both law and custom, and go beyond
the established, inadequate norm.
Sensual pleasures will have much to teach him.
He will not be afraid of the destructive act:
half the house will have to come down.
This way he will grow virtuously into wisdom.

****

Indeed this author has grown in wisdom. And now I want to read more of his writing especially his poems.

[Jeannie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing memoir, amazing writing, amazing, amazing, amazing, I cannot say that enough. The build up to what was really happening in his life other than the obvious was quite a shocker for me, I never saw it coming. I cried at the end when he and his father had their talk. This author has quite the way with words and I didn't realize he was a poet until after I had finished the book and read it under the author info. I should have known cause he made every word intimate and at turns sweet and sour. This is a jewel of a memoir that I will never forget reading. I hope to find more to read from this author. I highly recommend this one.

[Love · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a great writer I was hooked as soon as I started it. Only took me 3 days to read this. What a truly horrible story but this man is amazing to me. To deal with all he had before he was even an adult. I won't say anymore do not want to spoil it for others. If you are memoir reader this is one you have to read.

[Heather · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing. Absolutely amazing. I had read part of the afterward in a segment on masculinity construction in a gender class, and had actually purchased this book as a response to that lesson. But I was not prepared for the full sensory experience of reading Hoffman's memoir, or the weight that comes with memory, of good times and bad, of mistakes made and opportunities not taken.

[David Curry · Rating 3 out of 5]

Richard Hoffman's 1995 Half the House, reissued in a 20th anniversary edition by New Rivers Press, is both memoir and confessional and too often succumbs to a common pitfall of both genres, the tendency to include anything the author can remember, whether it benefits the narrative or not.
For this reader, a genuinely affecting story of a family faced with greater trials and losses than any family should have to endure gets lost in competing self-centered narratives.

In a brief prefatory note, Hoffman asserts that the book "is not a work of fiction. It contains no composite characers, no invented scenes." Maybe that's the problem. The book also comes with a puffy epigraph from Cavafy that is not helpful.

[Samantha Draves · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good read. It was originally marketed to me as a memoir of two people telling their history of sexual assault in childhood and resulting trauma. While that did occur. I felt this story more unveiled the grief and despair of a family, children with incurable illness who will be outlived by their parents and brokenness that their family had. I felt moved by the recollection and memories of the younger siblings and his journey to recreate a connection with his father by confronting their past. It becomes clear in the afterward why the book had been marketed the way it was for its obvious impact it had on a community and bringing justice to the many victims who had experienced sexual assault similar to the author.

[Heather Jacobsen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I gave this 5 stars because while I really enjoyed his style of writing, its what happened as a consequence of writing his memoir that made me give him the extra (fifth) star. It just goes to show the importance of speaking up, speaking the truth and owning one's past, the good, the bad, and the most painful. I'm so glad Richard Hoffman did decide to face his past.

[Kristen Paulson-Nguyen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I had been wanting to read Hoffman's writing, since I know several writers he has mentored. I found it direct and honest, heartbreaking and moving. He was able to render both his child and adult self on the page. I was amazed at the way he was able to return home as an adult and speak to his father about what had happened to him, and moved by his father's response.

[Betsy Bender · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very poignant story that will resonate with anyone struggling to come to terms with having been the victim of a child molester. Very good balance of scene vs. summary, using descriptions and dialogue that put the reader right there with the author. Tightly written with detail when appropriate but no extra words. Relatively quick read (i.e. ~4 hours).

[Kelsey · Rating 3 out of 5]

I deeply appreciate this book for its place in changing the conversations we have around childhood abuse, but really did not enjoy reading it for that same reason. It's almost unspeakably bleak and very difficult to think about a person living the life this author has.

[Carol Perreault · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very moving.

[Martha McSweeney Brower · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is about the most painful memoir I've read. It's about a vulnerable boy at the mercy of an authority figure. I want to send a copy to the Pope.

[Carole Wilson · Rating 3 out of 5]

Well written. Just hard to like it more because of the sad, dark reality of it.

[J. Shelton · Rating 5 out of 5]

All the feelings through the entire book. And the afterward should be required reading for every parent or caregiver or teacher or human that interacts with children.

[Bix Skahill · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautifully written and haunting. This is a book I’ll never forget.

[Joanie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Book about a man growing up in an abusive home where all of his brother's have muscular dystrophy except him. I remember my professor talking about how people can come from the same house but different home. The man tells the story of growing up and his later sexual abuse by a coach. In the afterword he talks about after writing the book other victims come forward, some still kids themselves and the coach is finally brough to justice.

[Anne · Rating 5 out of 5]

There's a lucid clarity that Hoffman gains from his difficult experiences that's simply awe inspiring. You could say that this book is about child molestation, endurance, grief, family illness, personal history, legacy of place, father-son relationships, the masculinization of males in America and its effects, but all of these descriptions would simply trivialize and pigeon hole a book that's simply about memory and humanity. A beautiful, honest work.

[Tamara · Rating 4 out of 5]

Recommended by author of "Writing the Memoir" by Barrington, Judith as one style of writing memoir. Also bought "Let's Pretend This Never Happened: (A Mostly True Memoir)" by Jenny Lawson for free-flowing writing and humor. Another one mentioned to read that I bought was "When I Was Puerto Rican: A Memoir" by Esmeralda Santiago (I saw some of her on Youtube - excited to read her memoir) , which was quoted several times by Barrington.

[Eliza T. Williamson · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is an amazing memoir written by poet Richard Hoffman. He revisits in mind and actuality his home where a baseball coach sexually abused him years earlier as a young boy. In doing so, in having the guts to speak the truth he in turn gave that strength to 100's of other children.

[Janet · Rating 4 out of 5]

Met Richard Hoffman in 2000, when he came to speak to a group of us looking at trauma and learning.

Was pondering forgiveness; he was generous with his time and energy. The question I'm still puzzling over is about absolute evil and its consequences - for the evil-doers and their victims.

[Barry Levy · Rating 5 out of 5]

So good it's almost sacred.

A poet's heart growing up through the soul of a struggling family and looking into the eye of an abuse that is too black to mention.

An inspiration - especially to those who have lived through it.

[Sarah Pascarella · Rating 5 out of 5]

Difficult but essential. Hoffman's "story about us" brings our cultural failings to the fore in the most personal of stories. That Hoffman endured his childhood and spun such beauty from it, and helped so many others in the process, is nothing short of incredible.

[Andrew Vachss · Rating 5 out of 5]

A warrior-poet's voice of the purest power, carrying the banner of The Children of the Secret against all enemies.

[Xujun Eberlein · Rating 5 out of 5]

An amazing memoir. The scenes of the author's brothers dying young and their struggling to cling to life are heart-wrenching.

[Robert · Rating 2 out of 5]

Two stars from me does not mean to not read it. As another reviewer said, it is dark. With books and movies, I rarely like dark, this was no exception. Very well written, but just not for me.

[Melanie Brooks · Rating 5 out of 5]

This powerful memoir explores grief, family relationships, the impact of abuse, and the redemptive power of shaping trauma into art.