What do you think?
Rate this book
God's Design for Sex #3
What's the Big Deal?: Why God Cares about Sex
Did you know that God created sex? If He created it, it is a good thing. Here is a book that your parents will read with you, or discuss with you as you read it on your own. They'll answer any questions you might have and help you understand what a beautiful and exciting gift from God your sexuality is meant to be.
95 pages, Kindle Edition
First published September 1, 1994
53 people are currently reading
253 people want to read
About the author
Stanton L. Jones
26 books23 followersSTAN JONES, PHD, who recently retired from his posts as provost and professor of psychology at Wheaton College, is a nationally recognized Christian expert on sexuality. He has written books on psychology and Christianity and on homosexuality and has contributed numerous articles to such professional journals as American Psychologist.
Stan and his wife, Brenna, are active in teaching about parenting and marriage in their church. They wrote the original versions of the God's Design for Sex series while their three children were young; now, they enjoy their three kids as adults as well as the early stages of grandparenting.
Stan and his wife, Brenna, are active in teaching about parenting and marriage in their church. They wrote the original versions of the God's Design for Sex series while their three children were young; now, they enjoy their three kids as adults as well as the early stages of grandparenting.
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 37 reviews
June 15, 2014
I must say I was disappointed in this book. We had read the earlier two books to our children and had found them very useful and appropriate. This book, on the other hand, missed the mark.
One example would be where the boy and the father are discussing why it is wrong for a boy to have pictures of naked or half-naked women plastered around his room. The answer given is right out of the liberal/secular playbook: objectification. This answer is not only illogical, it is not Biblical. Ironically the answer to this question can be given with a direct quote from no lesser personality than Christ himself. "If a man look at a woman to lust after her," Christ tells us, "He has committed adultery in his heart."
So the father should not only have quoted Christ but have explained to his son that, as we as a church are to preserve ourselves chaste virgins for Christ, so those women should be preserving themselves for their own husbands, and his son for his own wife.
Time and time again the book raises important questions only to answer them with a secular/liberal answer instead of a Christian one. 'Unwanted pregnancies' are spoken of instead of fornication, as if the real problem was that the woman might get pregnant, not that she was prostituting her body in a relationship with a man not her husband. Most blasphemously of all the subject of abortion is addressed as if it were just a 'difficult decision' instead of an act of murder.
Other reviewers have addressed the age issue and I believe they have dramatically missed the mark. Sex education, especially if addressed in a Christian and frank manner, using the medically correct terms, is best started very early. For our very young children much of what adults do is incomprehensible anyway, and so sex is just one more incomprehensible thing. They can be told, and accept with joy, the idea that Mommy and Daddy enjoy each other in a sexual way. They can learn how babies come out, and how they get in there, without any of the discomfort that faces the older child.
It is the older child, in whose body had begun to stir a curiosity, moving to a fascination, for what their body and the body of another might do to another, that introducing the sexual act might cause extreme embarrassment. Or the concept that their parents still enjoy these activities (which, hopefully, should be obvious anyway, as new children keep arising and Daddy makes his physical affection for Mommy clear) might lead them to be 'grossed out'.
And the parents should be careful to deal with this issue of being 'grossed out'. One of the goals of Christian sex education should be to reflect the view of Song of Solomon, Proverbs 5, and Ephesians 5, that the physical union of a man and a woman in marriage is a marvelous, necessary, and spiritual thing. That in so doing they reflect the relationship between Christ and the Church. That the child should not be 'grossed out' at the idea of the sexual act, or embarrassed that his parents should, and do, continue to enjoy sex.
All in all this book represents a great missed opportunity to preach the Gospel of Christ to a lost world through the medium of sex education, and deceives Christian young people on exceedingly important issues.
One example would be where the boy and the father are discussing why it is wrong for a boy to have pictures of naked or half-naked women plastered around his room. The answer given is right out of the liberal/secular playbook: objectification. This answer is not only illogical, it is not Biblical. Ironically the answer to this question can be given with a direct quote from no lesser personality than Christ himself. "If a man look at a woman to lust after her," Christ tells us, "He has committed adultery in his heart."
So the father should not only have quoted Christ but have explained to his son that, as we as a church are to preserve ourselves chaste virgins for Christ, so those women should be preserving themselves for their own husbands, and his son for his own wife.
Time and time again the book raises important questions only to answer them with a secular/liberal answer instead of a Christian one. 'Unwanted pregnancies' are spoken of instead of fornication, as if the real problem was that the woman might get pregnant, not that she was prostituting her body in a relationship with a man not her husband. Most blasphemously of all the subject of abortion is addressed as if it were just a 'difficult decision' instead of an act of murder.
Other reviewers have addressed the age issue and I believe they have dramatically missed the mark. Sex education, especially if addressed in a Christian and frank manner, using the medically correct terms, is best started very early. For our very young children much of what adults do is incomprehensible anyway, and so sex is just one more incomprehensible thing. They can be told, and accept with joy, the idea that Mommy and Daddy enjoy each other in a sexual way. They can learn how babies come out, and how they get in there, without any of the discomfort that faces the older child.
It is the older child, in whose body had begun to stir a curiosity, moving to a fascination, for what their body and the body of another might do to another, that introducing the sexual act might cause extreme embarrassment. Or the concept that their parents still enjoy these activities (which, hopefully, should be obvious anyway, as new children keep arising and Daddy makes his physical affection for Mommy clear) might lead them to be 'grossed out'.
And the parents should be careful to deal with this issue of being 'grossed out'. One of the goals of Christian sex education should be to reflect the view of Song of Solomon, Proverbs 5, and Ephesians 5, that the physical union of a man and a woman in marriage is a marvelous, necessary, and spiritual thing. That in so doing they reflect the relationship between Christ and the Church. That the child should not be 'grossed out' at the idea of the sexual act, or embarrassed that his parents should, and do, continue to enjoy sex.
All in all this book represents a great missed opportunity to preach the Gospel of Christ to a lost world through the medium of sex education, and deceives Christian young people on exceedingly important issues.
November 27, 2021
I just read through this quickly in anticipation of reading it with, or assigning it to, my preteen girl. She has already been through several other sex-ed materials and we’ve had many conversations on all aspects of this topic. I’m going to let her read this one on her own for several reasons:
One of the things that has always bothered me about this series is the conversational format. It’s designed to be read aloud, but the back and forth without narrative elements is very stilted and awkward. My eleven year old will still get the benefit of the Q&A template without me having to go through the pain of reading it to her.
I liked that most every question and response were realistic and very like the conversations we’ve had. One child asks whether, because sex makes babies, so adults have sex only when they want to get pregnant? After several explanatory paragraphs the child asks how often his parents have sex, then? This is totally in line with how my children’s brains work through these things logically and I’m so glad they structured it such. I also think that the first time kids get answers to some of these questions, it’s a lot to take in, so I’m happy for my children to have something to read to reinforce ideas.
The book uses proper terminology (and didn’t shy away from the clitoris), approaches sex from physical, emotional, and spiritual perspectives, and is aligned with mainstream Christian teachings. There will be things for Christians of different persuasions to find fault with, and non-Christians will not appreciate the importance marriage is given. However, it avoids a lot of the traps that I’ve seen in Christian sex Ed, and is not overtly judgmental compared to many. Christian tenants are taught with compassion for those who do not follow them and there’s no fire-and-brimstone.
I took issue with some of the generalizations, like stating that most of the people who “make love” before marriage are not actually in love. But those are few and far between, and that sentence would be fine if “many” were exchanged with “most.”
But overall, this book covers a lot of ground in a realistic way. Paired with more medically accurate information about puberty, fertility, and sexual health, it’s a good aid.
Editing to add that I’ll be allowing my 9 year old son to read this after my 11 year old daughter. He is still pre-pubescent and some of the sections will apply to him more, but I want to have the chance to answer his questions separately.
One of the things that has always bothered me about this series is the conversational format. It’s designed to be read aloud, but the back and forth without narrative elements is very stilted and awkward. My eleven year old will still get the benefit of the Q&A template without me having to go through the pain of reading it to her.
I liked that most every question and response were realistic and very like the conversations we’ve had. One child asks whether, because sex makes babies, so adults have sex only when they want to get pregnant? After several explanatory paragraphs the child asks how often his parents have sex, then? This is totally in line with how my children’s brains work through these things logically and I’m so glad they structured it such. I also think that the first time kids get answers to some of these questions, it’s a lot to take in, so I’m happy for my children to have something to read to reinforce ideas.
The book uses proper terminology (and didn’t shy away from the clitoris), approaches sex from physical, emotional, and spiritual perspectives, and is aligned with mainstream Christian teachings. There will be things for Christians of different persuasions to find fault with, and non-Christians will not appreciate the importance marriage is given. However, it avoids a lot of the traps that I’ve seen in Christian sex Ed, and is not overtly judgmental compared to many. Christian tenants are taught with compassion for those who do not follow them and there’s no fire-and-brimstone.
I took issue with some of the generalizations, like stating that most of the people who “make love” before marriage are not actually in love. But those are few and far between, and that sentence would be fine if “many” were exchanged with “most.”
But overall, this book covers a lot of ground in a realistic way. Paired with more medically accurate information about puberty, fertility, and sexual health, it’s a good aid.
Editing to add that I’ll be allowing my 9 year old son to read this after my 11 year old daughter. He is still pre-pubescent and some of the sections will apply to him more, but I want to have the chance to answer his questions separately.
January 28, 2023
Only four stars because, I mean...try reading any book in this genre out loud to a ten year old. Four stars just for getting me through it.
August 13, 2013
Good clear info. Daughter calls it the yucky book, but despite that, it was helpful.
December 8, 2020
I really enjoyed the format of this book. It was very easy to use it as a springboard for good, in-depth conversations with my children. It broached topics that I might not have otherwise thought to discuss, so I'm thankful for this tool.
August 21, 2020
This is book 3 in a 4 part series. Book 3 is written for kids 8 to 11 years old. We came to the series late so have been reading them together, in order, even though our child is 13. As a family we have had many conversations about sex. This book gave some information that was a review for our daughter as well as some information that was new to her. It’s value in promoting questions, answers, and dialogue was tremendous even when uncomfortable.
The chapters are topical. The faith aspects are in line with our biblical and world views. The interaction in the text between the kids and parents is helpful in reinforcing to our daughter that it okay to ask questions and talk to parents. I recommend this series for parents talking to kids for the first time or subsequent times. We can not have zero to one conversation about sex with our kids and feel done. Our kids are receiving messages about sex from the world daily and my hope is that parents are able to converse with kids and walk alongside them as they grow into adults. This series might be helpful to families with that same goal.
The chapters are topical. The faith aspects are in line with our biblical and world views. The interaction in the text between the kids and parents is helpful in reinforcing to our daughter that it okay to ask questions and talk to parents. I recommend this series for parents talking to kids for the first time or subsequent times. We can not have zero to one conversation about sex with our kids and feel done. Our kids are receiving messages about sex from the world daily and my hope is that parents are able to converse with kids and walk alongside them as they grow into adults. This series might be helpful to families with that same goal.
June 2, 2018
What a great resource! Straightforward, but written with a just-right balance of needed information, joy in God's design for sexuality, and warning against misusing this marvelous gift. We've already used the first two books in this series with our kids. If you need some help introducing this topic with your children, I highly recommend this series.
By the way, the cover of our edition is much nicer than what Goodreads shows.
By the way, the cover of our edition is much nicer than what Goodreads shows.
January 13, 2023
We’ve used the picture books for our kids but I wasn’t as big of a fan of this one. The whole thing was Q&A scripted and felt forced and awkward. I think I’ll just keep re reading it to make sure I’ve touched base with the kids on stuff, but not use the book exactly.
March 15, 2021
This is part of a 4 set series of books that are Christian based and talk about sex. I've used all 4 of these with my kids, finally finishing the last one with my oldest so I thought it was time for a review. Loved these. Had no idea how to approach sex and health in today's ever increasing confusing world about what's right and wrong in this area. Each book is for a different age group and while I loosely adhered to these, I chose a time for each child based on their maturity. I'm a homeschooling mom so we set up a health class each week to discuss topics with each child individually and gave them a notebook to write down any questions during the week they might discuss.
In this third book, I'm going through it currently with my 10 yr old twins. This one is chapter based which makes it easy to do one chapter a week for a few months. I believe there are 12 chapters. It's opened up a lot of questions from the kids but I like knowing where they're at in their mindset and the kinds of things they're hearing around the "kid's water cooler". It goes over sex in more detail, God's design for sex (why we should wait until we're married), sexually transmitted diseases, with a whole chapter on AIDS, and some other prominent social topics like being gay and what it means. I'm glad it had this one because it's started to be a topic in our household because it's become so popular in the social media culture. The other day, one of my twins said, Daddy wakes me up so nicely in the morning, he's so bisexual. I was like, wait - what? My twin said, "Yeah, he's happy at night, so he's a night person, but he wakes me up nice, so he's a morning person too - bisexual." Of course, we had a discussion after that. I believe it's so important to discuss this stuff with your kids. No matter what you believe, you don't want your kids getting wrong information. It's better to be up front about what they're curious about. These books really help with that. The book also talks about sex outside of marriage, periods (which I made sure my boys read), and it goes a little into condoms and birth control when talking about AIDS. We used it to expand on more birth control topics. This book is a great jumping off point for discussions. Highly recommended.
In this third book, I'm going through it currently with my 10 yr old twins. This one is chapter based which makes it easy to do one chapter a week for a few months. I believe there are 12 chapters. It's opened up a lot of questions from the kids but I like knowing where they're at in their mindset and the kinds of things they're hearing around the "kid's water cooler". It goes over sex in more detail, God's design for sex (why we should wait until we're married), sexually transmitted diseases, with a whole chapter on AIDS, and some other prominent social topics like being gay and what it means. I'm glad it had this one because it's started to be a topic in our household because it's become so popular in the social media culture. The other day, one of my twins said, Daddy wakes me up so nicely in the morning, he's so bisexual. I was like, wait - what? My twin said, "Yeah, he's happy at night, so he's a night person, but he wakes me up nice, so he's a morning person too - bisexual." Of course, we had a discussion after that. I believe it's so important to discuss this stuff with your kids. No matter what you believe, you don't want your kids getting wrong information. It's better to be up front about what they're curious about. These books really help with that. The book also talks about sex outside of marriage, periods (which I made sure my boys read), and it goes a little into condoms and birth control when talking about AIDS. We used it to expand on more birth control topics. This book is a great jumping off point for discussions. Highly recommended.
December 13, 2023
We used the first two books of this series and have enjoyed them. This one is okay, I feel like it misses a lot of opportunities for deeper theological questions as to WHY?
There is no reference to the marriage between Christ and the church, being made in the image of God and the intrinsic value of humankind. These are key foundational pieces that lend to every conversation in this book.
I love how it extends grace and makes sure it is clear that everyone is on the same level. No judgment.
It's written in script format, which is awkward and uncomfortable. If we use it, it will be a springboard for genuine conversation.
Often the parents say, we think or we believe when our thoughts and beliefs are irrelevant. The focus needs to be more on the inerrancy of scripture and the character of God.
Sometimes they dismiss some questions or dumb it down saying it's too complicated to explain now. As a kid, that was my cue to do my own research elsewhere.
If you're looking for more in-depth puberty and body development discussion, look elsewhere. This glazes over the topic and doesn't have good illustrations.
I'll use this as a conversation starter but not as our main book.
There is no reference to the marriage between Christ and the church, being made in the image of God and the intrinsic value of humankind. These are key foundational pieces that lend to every conversation in this book.
I love how it extends grace and makes sure it is clear that everyone is on the same level. No judgment.
It's written in script format, which is awkward and uncomfortable. If we use it, it will be a springboard for genuine conversation.
Often the parents say, we think or we believe when our thoughts and beliefs are irrelevant. The focus needs to be more on the inerrancy of scripture and the character of God.
Sometimes they dismiss some questions or dumb it down saying it's too complicated to explain now. As a kid, that was my cue to do my own research elsewhere.
If you're looking for more in-depth puberty and body development discussion, look elsewhere. This glazes over the topic and doesn't have good illustrations.
I'll use this as a conversation starter but not as our main book.
June 5, 2020
Though it was uncomfortable to read this aloud with my pre and teen children (they read the parts of Amy and Sam; I read the Mom and Dad parts of each chapter's conversation ), mostly on their part , this was just the right amount of information for them right now . I am so very thankful for these books ,as it makes it much easier to share the information about God's intentions for marriage , and what He has to say about sex. I appreciated how this 3rd book in the series explained in various details how saving sex for marriage between one man and one woman is how God has planned not only marriage , but also having children , and that being the right choice. Then , several chapters laid out in brief details the consequences for those who choose to make wrong choices . I plan to save the 4th and final book for a year or two , to give our children a chance to "just be children " for a little while longer . :)
October 13, 2017
This book was okay. Really, my biggest issue was it's conversational layout... not that I have anything against scripted lessons/books (I also have Luke Gilkerson's 3 book series which is scripted conversation), but this was was laid out for a mother, father, son, and daughter, with questions using then gender specific references, which is just annoying. If I'm reading it with one of my children, I'd have to change any references of "my wife" to "my husband" or the question that my daughter or son might be "asking" in the book might sound weird because it's really a question from the opposite gender (and a more gender specific question). I really prefer the Luke Gilkerson series in this way because it's just parent and child questions.
February 1, 2019
I didn’t care too much for the conversation format, but otherwise excellent information for the Christian parent and child. I know this part made some people uncomfortable, but I actually like how positively it speaks about how sex feels. I grew up with a negative, dirty view of sex which wasn’t helpful. I thought the book was well balanced in the positive view of why to wait along with the consequences that can happen if we don’t. For girls who are reading, I hope one day the book is updated to include the menstrual cup as an option during their periods.
January 7, 2024
This conversation-style book took most of the awkwardness out of these topics. I am very open with my kids about this content, but this book series gives us focused time together to talk about hard things. I appreciate the faith-focused approach, and every time a controversial issue came up, it was handled biblically and with grace. We read this over a couple of months, and it was my 9-year-old was the one asking to read another chapter.
June 22, 2019
Good reference book to talk to your 8-11 year olds -boys and girls- about God’s view of sex. Covers topics of sec in marriage, outside of marriage, puberty, periods, homosexuality ( that’s its forbidden from God, but homosexuals can be nice & good people), sexual abuse & how kids can to talk to parents about sex.
August 7, 2020
Charlotte (12) and I just finished this one. It had some heavy topics- abortion, sexual abuse, HIV etc. it was well done and allowed her to learn about topics that I know will start to come up in shows, books and with peers.
November 12, 2025
Perfect. This exactly what I was looking for to help us give our kids The Talk. I don’t plan to read it aloud as suggested by the authors. My sons would be mortified. I am going to give it to them to read. Then, I’m going to encourage them to ask questions as they feel comfortable.
May 26, 2017
Great book for being able to discuss sexuality with pre-teens.
January 29, 2021
3.5 stars—Not my favorite of the series, but still relevant and good information.
Still think this series is one of the best there is out there....
Still think this series is one of the best there is out there....
November 11, 2021
A good introduction for kids.
July 27, 2023
4.5 ⭐️
April 8, 2024
Book 3 in the series--for ages 8–11.
Read
May 18, 2025Great book to help those conversations happen with your kids. It's interactive in that it's intended to be read as parent and child.
June 4, 2025
This series is a fantastic resource for Christian families.
February 11, 2017
Excellent book for introducing 8-11 year olds to discussions about sex from a Christian perspective, and for helping parents being confident to have the discussions! Moves from basic biological info to very helpful discussions about more difficult topics such as sex outside of marriage, pornography, sexual abuse, homosexuality and various others. Finishes with a discussion of forgiveness when we get it wrong.
November 14, 2010
I read this with my 11 yr. old daughter. It is cheesy at times, but is good to cover the bases and talking about sex with your children. I also appreciated the fact that it kept weaving in the message of sex of for married couples. I like how it's laid out. It's basically in coversation form if you and your child were to have the perfect conversation about sex. There were times my daughter and I laughed at how the conversations were written (super cheesy) but the content was a good start if you are nervouse about talking sex with your child. My daughter did inform me that she wanted to wait quite a while before we read Book 4 in this series.
July 20, 2013
This is a pretty good book for Christian parents to use when starting a conversation about sex and puberty with their children. The format of the book is a dialog between parents and children, so this can help children to be more involved in the book, but some of the dialog seems cheesy and unnatural. Plus the parents are a bit too willing to say, "Yes, you're father and I have sex. We enjoy it!" What kid really wants to hear something like that? Overall, I think this is a pretty good book, but I think the recommended age is a bit young (8-11). I would think that 10-12 is a better age range for the topics and level of detail in this book.
February 18, 2015
We have gone through books one and two in this series and are preparing to go through this book with our ten year old son. This is very helpful information, but I'm not sure the format (conversational) would work with all children. I do appreciate the many biblical references (especially Chapter 4) to back up all of the information.
Also, the age recommendation for this series is a bit off. This book is recommended for ages 8-11 and I would not touch a lot of these issues until age 10 or 11, unless your 8 year old spends a lot of time with older kids/teens or is very inquisitive, or your young girl starts her period before age 10 (which is not unheard of anymore).
Also, the age recommendation for this series is a bit off. This book is recommended for ages 8-11 and I would not touch a lot of these issues until age 10 or 11, unless your 8 year old spends a lot of time with older kids/teens or is very inquisitive, or your young girl starts her period before age 10 (which is not unheard of anymore).
September 28, 2009
We used the first book in this series for my oldest daughter when she turned 8. It was very helpful for two novice parents trying to get through this uncomfortable "first discussion". Now that she is 9, we figure it's time to get a little more specific. I like how Book 3 is divided into chapters by topic, so we can talk to her about the things she is ready for and hold off on the other stuff for a few more years. I really appreciate the Christian approach to all of the topics. I admit I was a little surprised to find that they agree with my own beliefs.
June 23, 2015
This book is for children eight to eleven. It's set up as a series of questions between children and parents; questions about puberty, sex and morality, porn, AIDS, homosexuality, menstruation, and abuse. There is a very strong religious slant.
Some of the views align with my beliefs, some do not. Even if you choose not to have your child read this book, it is a really good resource to explore exactly what you do believe about these issues, and get an idea of how you might discuss them with your kids.
Some of the views align with my beliefs, some do not. Even if you choose not to have your child read this book, it is a really good resource to explore exactly what you do believe about these issues, and get an idea of how you might discuss them with your kids.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 37 reviews