The New Bottoming Book

by Dossie Easton, Janet W. Hardy

In the early 1990s, the first Bottoming Book taught tens of thousands of people that bottoming -- being a submissive, masochist, slave, 'boy' or 'girl, ' or other BDSM recipient -- is as much an art as topping. Since then, the growing popularity of BDSM, and the blossoming of the Internet as a source of information and connection, have created a whole new universe of possibilities for players. Now, the completely updated revised New Bottoming Book gives even more insights and ideas about how to be a successful, popular bottom!

Genres: Sexuality, BDSM, Nonfiction, Queer, Relationships, Self Help, Reference

200 pages, Paperback

First published February 1, 1994

Reviews

[Joe S · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you want a how-to book, this isn't it. If you want a why-for book, this is your baby. I wish I would have found this book years ago. For people who are already in the game, it's a quirky, fun reaffirmation and reminder of the basics. And while you won't learn the practical importance of, say, different commercial-grade leathers, I think the authors do a pretty good job of guiding readers to the psychological space you'll need to find once you do snag a good top who knows his way around a dungeon. Worth the purchase for new bottoms, and for tops who have never actually been on the business end of a cat.

[Mary · Rating 3 out of 5]

Although I appreciate Easton's work, I feel that I run into the same wall every time I read something by her. Every point she makes are ones I already know, in a way; it's all common sense, lessons learned through living, and epiphanies we all come to at some point. We all know that in order to be the best bottom we can be, we must communicate with our top. We must respect our top. We must respect ourselves. Etc. We all are very aware of these things, but every now and then, we need reminding. We need someone to tell us that it's ok to feel the way we do, and to want the things we need, and Easton is that voice. Ultimately, most of her books end up being positive, easy reads, however I never feel fulfilled. I don't come away feeling like I've gained much knowledge or insight, but I do feel a little more secure in who I am. So, worth reading but nothing groundbreaking.

[Nina · Rating 5 out of 5]

This title focuses on the psychological side of bdsm play. Among other things the authors describe what submissive partners, the bottoms, want and need, and it is stressed that these needs are legitimate and healthy. Some passages are more detailed than others, but I enjoyed reading all of them due to the positive messages in them and because of the entertaining style they are written in.

There is a short chapter for tops too, and just like Easton and Hardy write, I could also only recommend for tops to read this chapter and the book.

In general, I’d recommend this title to people who are not too experienced in bdsm yet, as it answers a lot of questions newbies might have. In addition, this is a title that gives reassurance and positive messages about safe, sane and consensual kinky play, so it is definitely worth 5 out of 5 stars.

[Hope McCormick · Rating 5 out of 5]

Helped me understand the psychological side of submission better than anything else I've read on the subject. Very good book for the curious.

[Beverly Diehl · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent resource about bottoming for beginners that gives a great overview of the various ways someone might want to bottom, and why. Especially insightful was sections about a bottom's duty to their top. I had a lot of fun reading it, then playing dress-up and making the attached video review (https://youtu.be/qTz3l9fUgmc), and know I will be rereading frequently.

Highly recommended for both beginners, and for writers who want to include these kinds of scenes in their own work.

[Sienna · Rating 4 out of 5]

Again more validation and a new insight into my own personal power dynamic in a sexual relationship.

[Zuzka Jakúbková · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved authors' earlier collaboration on Ethical Slut and I was not disappointed by their thorough examination of receiving aspect of BDSM-related activities. (I personally read as BDSM as BaDass Sex Magic from now on, as I am getting a bit lost in all the abbreviations.)

Book offers great context on emotional status of bottoms, as well as their complicated relationship with their tops. Great pointers on safety in BDSM, importance of D/S in sex therapy and difference between preplay negotiations and actual "play" performance.

I was mildly disturbed by the chapter on yoga, but overall, I loved it. It's not a manual, it's more like very well crafted contextual read for outside public to gain better understanding into the scene. Kudos to the authors and now onto their next piece, The New Topping Book.

[Angel S · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is really good for someone interested in bottoming that is still new to it. I'm not new to it, but it was still a good read.

[zoe · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5-4/5

~

fun introduction to bdsm! wanted to also read the topping edition but the library only has the bottoming edition (says a lot about society…) read the edition from 2001 so there was a section all about the internet that was really fun to read and aged like fine wine. lots of talk of “The Net” and “The Web.”

would love to see a new edition with more inclusive language (though they did just fine for 2001 standards)!

[Mark Stone · Rating 5 out of 5]

When my girlfriend and I took our questions about our burgeoning interest in BDSM to our more experienced friends in Washington D.C., they recommended that we start with this book, and it's sister The New Topping Book. The authors write with wit and compassion, making this a fun, sexy, and comforting read.

It's important to remember, however, that this isn't a 'how-to' manual. It won't tell you how to play BDSM games with your lover - at most, there are a few scenes you might find interesting. It will tell you why you should be willing to give it a try, and it will explore what might be going on in your head to make all this stuff interesting to you.

Anyway, this book is an absolute winner. I can enthusiastically pass on my friends' recommendation to all comers.

[Juushika · Rating 3 out of 5]

Where the sibling Topping book feels like an afterthought, this is more grounded, concrete, and inspired. There's less filler, and it generally feels more applicable--in part because it offers more concrete information re: types and subcategories of play, perhaps because there's less to offer in a topping book unwilling to provide technical instruction, but mostly because it feels like a labor of love, richer with personal insight and passion. But it shares limitations with its sibling book: it has a strong emphasis on sex, and skews towards proto-lifestylers while being so general that it's likely to be redundant to that audience; further, some elements show their age, particularly the dated treatment of gender (in an otherwise diverse and accepting book) and the hilariously outdated section on the internet.

[Katherine · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautiful, easy-to-read, vivacious prose; it almost seems like you're face-to-face with Dossie and Janet (the authors)!

Great introduction to playing submissive/bottoming roles in sex and BDSM. Great tips on where to start, what kinds of sensations and scenes you could explore, the healing and spiritual potential of BDSM, and what to look for/look out for in yourself and your sexual partners.

Additionally, the updated introduction and additional section about online communities and cybersex really enhances the scope of this book. Extensive resource list in the back.

[Ginger · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book did a nice job of giving an overview of how to remain same in the world of kink as often repeated in the ever present mantra, "safe, sane, consensual." It is a great resource for how to frame oneself mentally and is a great precursor before engaging in any heavy emotional play in BDSM. There is significant discussion of spirituality as it relates to kink, but it is always presented relatively secularly and repeated that to view kink spiritually is always the players option. Not a how to guide but really digs into the cognitive, behavioral, and emotional aspects. Worth a read.

[D · Rating 4 out of 5]

Think outside your boundaries! Although I was personally given this book by my BFF and directed to read it, I really enjoyed the experience and found it quite interesting and informative. It is especially good at helping better understand the dynamics of a relationship and offering insights to improving one's service as a bottom. The book has already helped me be a better submissive to my BFF and her sister in our somewhat complex F/F/F D/D/s experimentation. XOXOXOs to the authors, Janet Hardy and Dossie Easton, for creating this excellent work:)

[Anniken Haga · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this an interesting read on the aspects of being a bottom, both as someone exploring the bottom space, and as someone that likes to top. The book was inclusive and had some interesting views regarding spirituality and BDSM that I haven't seen in my other research.

The only reason it's not getting five stars is because it's rather outdated regarding meeting new people and the internet. That said, it does preach internet-security, which I feel like a lot of people could need a refresher course on!

[Mel · Rating 3 out of 5]

The New Bottoming Book is a good starter book for those interested in the sub aspect of a BDSM lifestyle, either as a bottom or a top. This is not the end all, be all, but gives a good idea of what can be expected, real life scenarios, and a basic understanding of the lifestyle.

I like the authors use of real life experiences to illustrate situations and expectations. I came with a better understanding of what I want from the lifestyle. Good way to begin.

[Sage Agee]

Well i’m trying to write some kind of review for each book I read, so here it goes. This was a great introduction into the world of bottoming. I read the updated version, which is nearly 20 years old and it is clear some things (i.e., “the ‘net”) have changed how a lot of people are introduced to BDSM.

Despite its age, I learned a lot and loved the interactive prompts to get you thinking about boundaries. Okay forget you saw this and learned that I’m not always the hot top I pretend to be.

[Mia · Rating 4 out of 5]

The parts about "connection with others" are probably about outdated - which is to be expected, as communication changed drastically over the last years.
I'm rating it 4/5 since even when you don't get something from every chapter in this book, it's really informative, asks the right questions and also leads you towards your own personal answers for them.

[unnarrator · Rating 2 out of 5]

The best thing about this was the former subtitle (removed in this edition): How to Get Terrible Things Done to You By Wonderful People. Astonishingly boring, I thought, given its subject matter.

[Kristina Kopnisky · Rating 4 out of 5]

The companion book to "The Topping Book". The next level after reading SM101 & Screw the Roses. Silly illustrations. Amusing anecdotes. Good advice.

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love Easton and hardy. It's like your two favourite aunts writing about sex in a very reassuring way.

[Kelli · Rating 4 out of 5]

A friendly and thorough exploration of what it takes to be a bottom, the myriad of activities one may participate in (and their safety concerns), and how to work with a top.

[Kayla Lords · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a great book for kink beginners, either tops or bottoms. Don’t think of this as a how-to but more a celebration of bottoming with plenty of information sharing just some of the possibilities. There’s plenty of examples and information about safety (which is important) but also “permission” to explore and discover all that bottoming has to offer.

[Rodrigo Ceccato de Freitas · Rating 3 out of 5]

É um livro bem curto sobre ser bottom, mas não é um manual ou guia de execução de práticas. A maior parte do livro é sobre descobrir os gostos pessoais e comunicá-los de forma clara e saudável.
Tudo é bem claro e bem focado em obter, manter, e, se desejável, revogar consentimentos. Não achei tão bom quanto o SM101, mas é tão curto que é legal de ler.

O final fala um pouco de espiritualidade, o que contrasta um pouco com o tom do resto do livro, e é escrito de um jeito bem corrido. Mas ainda assim é um capítulo interessante.

[Catalina Vieru · Rating 3 out of 5]

So and so. It is a good book for newbies in kink power dynamics, goes through many of the basics (the sub holds the power, safety and negociation, switching, roles etc) and it is written in an accessible, friendly language.

Not one that would blow your mind if you are already experienced in the scene.

[Eva · Rating 4 out of 5]

I intend to read everything these writers have published.

[Edward · Rating 4 out of 5]

Informative reading for tops or bottoms, especially newbies. Between this volume and Easton and Hardy's companion piece, The New Topping Book, I'd say that this is the more useful of the two because it deals more straightforwardly and specifically with the how and why of bottoming.

As a case in point, The New Bottoming Book addresses masochism very completely for a beginner-friendly guide to BDSM. It discusses not only the basic premise that pain leads to the release of endorphins, which in turn lead to feelings of euphoria and pleasure (that's a big chunk of the "why" of masochism, and it's not directly addressed in Topping), and the need to ramp up gradually from mild to more intense sensations in order to allow those endorphins to build up. But also, they discuss several different styles of pain play that cater to various bottoms' tastes—some prefer bursts of pain followed by a cooling-off period, versus steady, gradually-increasing pain, and there are stinging versus thudding versus squeezing pains that different bottoms might prefer at different times, or that a top might apply at various times in order to keep things interesting. Again, all material that's covered in The New Topping Book, but the discussion here is much less abstract.

This trend obtains throughout the volume; it's overall a better guide if you are a top looking for help in understanding what your bottom gets out of a scene.

Also I can say, unequivocally, that I am one thousand percent in agreement with Hardy and Easton when they say that bottoms who are clear about what they do and don't want, where their limits are and how they react to things, and who provide feedback both by reacting to things during play and also by communicating clearly after the fact . . . it helps. Tops aren't mind-readers, and it's scary to have to guess whether you're having fun or struggling.

So although this book is for bottoms, I think it's really worth reading if you're a top (or even more, if you are in a relationship with a bottom, aren't one yourself, and want to get some insight into what's expected of you as a prospective top, and what YOU should expect).

[Mina · Rating 5 out of 5]

On peut aimer ou ne pas aimer le style des autrices. Il n'en reste pas moins que les conseils délivrés sont d'une rare pertinence... pour tout le monde. Quelles sont mes limites ? Quels sont mes besoins (lesquels sont indispensables lesquels sont la cerise sur le gâteau) ? Quelles sont mes envies ? On ne nous apprend absolument pas à discuter de sexualité avec nos partenaires et l'avantage de la relation BDSM est qu'elle "force" à le faire de la manière la plus claire possible (une scène de "viol fantasme" peut facilement déraper en "viol réel" lorsque les "non pour jouer" se transforment en "non réels" mais que l'on ne s'est pas mis d'accord sur la manière de dire ce "non réel" ("ananas" sera plus efficace que "arrête" qui fait partie du scénario de "viol fantasme"...)). Alors voilà, soumis.e dominateur.trice ou vanille, nous avons tous à gagner à parler de sexe et de jeu sexuel avec notre.nos partenaire.s. Janet et Dossie nous proposent plusieurs approches pour mener cela à bien. Oui ça demande du temps et de se plonger avec honnêteté en soi-même, oui ça demande de la confiance en sa.son partenaire, mais il y a beaucoup à gagner en santé mentale (et en diminution des viols entre partenaires, à mon humble avis...). Et ensuite il y a beaucoup d'idées sur les rôles que nous pouvons prendre (et par exemple, si on a plus envie d'une récompense ou d'une punition, c'est amusant je n'avais jamais vu les choses sous cet angle) - les services à la maitresse / au maître m'ont intéressée (si faire la vaisselle pour faire plaisir à l'autre peut vous exciter... c'est pas trop formidable de transformer une tâche ménagère en préliminaire érotique ??? L'idée me séduit complètement)
Petite précision : la traduction française est vraiment nulle, c'est toujours une soumise et un dominateur, comme par hasard (alors que les deux autrices sont entre autres des dominatrices), et tout est au masculin parce que l'écriture inclusive c'est trop compliqué (sic). BREF c'est le problème de la traduction française.

[Adrianna Thompson · Rating 1 out of 5]

If you know me in real life I’m gonna need you to ignore this one all together.

Listen- I literally don’t know where to start. The online kink community RAVES about this book and I DO NOT understand why. I would consider myself like decently knowledgeable (while I also acknowledge that I’m 100% starting out and there’s always more to learn and ways to grow) so most of this was pointless. Cue an entire chapter about ✨the internet✨ or the chapter about spirituality. It was wrote by two lesbians/bisexuals who clearly have outdated views and wanted to focus on their kinks and brag about their escapades (literally multiple stories throughout that feel very ✨dick measuring contest✨esque). The switches of she/him randomly to be “socially correct” was so confusing when literally the singular “they” exists and would have been easier to process than the constant swapping (also side note and maybe without them even noticing they almost always used she as the top and him as the bottom).

But I think the ICING ON TOP THE CAKE was the passage where she comments on the sexuality of a SIX YEAR OLD fantasizing about being kidnapped by sexists. First of all wtf get your daughter into therapy if they’re expressing this to you at the age of six. Second of all do not WRITE AND PUBLISH that story. Literally wtf.

I’ll agree that parts of this will probably be helpful. Anyone can find at least SOMETHING in there to use and grow and sure it’s led to some interesting convos but literally I think the useful parts could have been a 10-20 page pamphlet not a 200 page book. There HAS to be better books out there than this hot fucking mess.

[Nicoll Campbell · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very Interesting - Whilst I learnt a lot about a many different aspects of Bottoming. I found Part 1 to be the most beneficial. Preconceptions vs Truth. The Net. Getting in touch with you.My copy has just about every second page highlighted or annotated in Part 1.

I thought Part 2 whilst extensive in the types of play ,I felt that the authors reminiscing of their conquests detracted from the actual "playing". The mention of "waxplay" had me sit up but then there was nothing about it(I will have to find a specialist book in this)and yet they did discuss the real "edgeplay" stuff in length. The section on Spiritualism in BDSM was quite interesting.

Whether you are or think you are a bottom or just Jane on the Street. It will dispel many of
preconceptions you may have about "submissives" and the BDSM Scene. So by all means its a good starting point.

This will leave you wanting more information if you want to enter this world. As a person who thinks they might be but really cant be sure. It was a great start but as this books does not cover the world a true novice will enter, such as a BDSM Club Scene, and it skirted over the subject of Exhibitionist/Voyeur which for the novice is where a majority of us start to wonder if we are truly submissive or Dominate....