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The Manager Mom Epidemic: How Moms Got Stuck Doing Everything for Their Families and What They Can Do About It
Are you a mom who does it all? This is the book for you.
It's impossible to deny—most moms continue to do way more household work and childcare than most dads. Working full time, raising kids, cooking dinner, making sure every appointment and activity is lined up and that everyone gets there on time... no wonder you're tired! But despite all the books and articles lamenting the crushing mental load and emotional labor women bear for their families, no one has come up with a plan to actually make things change. Until now.
The Manager Mom Epidemic is the first book that not only acknowledges the fact that moms are burning out, but shows you how to transfer responsibility for daily tasks from yourself to your partner and also (gasp!) your kids. Clinical psychologist and child discipline expert Thomas W. Phelan, PhD explains how we got into this mess in the first place, and how we can get out of it through a calm, systematic approach to teaching our families how to take initiative and contribute in meaningful ways. Dr. Phelan walks you through real-life situations and shows you how to step back from the things that are dragging you down. For example:
Your Maternal Identity—the things you tell yourself you have to do in order to be a "good" mom The oppressive trap of chronic supervision Our society's curious underestimation of children's capabilities How to eliminate primary childcare with tweens and teens How to manager resistant or traditionalist dadsRealistic and simple enough to implement in your home right away, The Manager Mom Epidemic provides a roadmap for you to take your life back and proves that the happiest families share the work and the fun equally.
- GenresParentingNonfictionAdult
272 pages, Paperback
First published December 1, 2019
63 people are currently reading
658 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 72 reviews
August 13, 2019
I received in advance reader copy in exchange for an honest review
I was all cool cool until I got to the part about making your children do their homework causing ODD
🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪
Seriously though I really related to the mothers in this book. I’m clearly one of them, which is why am reading it. But the book contains an existential paradox: in order for the change to happen, everyone besides the mom needs to be willing to change. And to be real, if moms knew how to make everyone else in their family change, they wouldn’t need this book. The author of this book is not a mother, he’s a dad. He likely has no idea how much work it takes to get a husband and children do things that they don’t want to do. What often gets lost in these discussions is this essential truth – we don’t want to do this shit. We’re not being martyrs because we feel like it. We would so much rather if y’all did that shit. But you don’t. So were pissed. But we have to do it because it has to get done. And y’all know that if you don’t do it eventually we will do it, because it has to get done. And we know that there will be consequences if it doesn’t get done. And the consequences will affect us just as deeply as it will effect y’all. So we do it because we don’t want to get taken under because y’all are trash and lazy. That’s that; that’s my manifesto. Husband and Children are Lazy Trash: Coming Summer 2020. Look for it
I was all cool cool until I got to the part about making your children do their homework causing ODD
🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪
Seriously though I really related to the mothers in this book. I’m clearly one of them, which is why am reading it. But the book contains an existential paradox: in order for the change to happen, everyone besides the mom needs to be willing to change. And to be real, if moms knew how to make everyone else in their family change, they wouldn’t need this book. The author of this book is not a mother, he’s a dad. He likely has no idea how much work it takes to get a husband and children do things that they don’t want to do. What often gets lost in these discussions is this essential truth – we don’t want to do this shit. We’re not being martyrs because we feel like it. We would so much rather if y’all did that shit. But you don’t. So were pissed. But we have to do it because it has to get done. And y’all know that if you don’t do it eventually we will do it, because it has to get done. And we know that there will be consequences if it doesn’t get done. And the consequences will affect us just as deeply as it will effect y’all. So we do it because we don’t want to get taken under because y’all are trash and lazy. That’s that; that’s my manifesto. Husband and Children are Lazy Trash: Coming Summer 2020. Look for it
February 4, 2020
I’ll give it 2.5 stars and I rounded down to 2 because I just felt like a lot of the tone of this book was very condescending. There are a lot of great ideas in here but the delivery in some parts just especially irked me. Then I realized it was partly because I was being man-splained about all the ways mothers create their own prisons. Ugh. I just downgraded my review to 1.5 actually. Yet some of the techniques sound promising, so I’ll leave it at 2.
January 2, 2026
In the interest of efficiency, please let me to tell you the best way to read this book, which does have some good ideas. Skip the first two chapters completely: Either you know the information, or you will see it again later. Skim until you get to Chapter Eight, as most of the material is repetitive. Now, we’re cooking! What follows is advice on how to train children to be independent adults, how to handle sulky teens and even how to tackle recalcitrant husbands who value their own comfort way over yours. Worth reading.
January 14, 2020
I enjoyed this book about the role moms play in households - and how to change it in a healthy way. A lot of books about women rising (eg. Lean In and others) talk about household responsibilities and "emotional burden" for women needing to shift, but give very little practical advice on how to actually do it. Thomas Phelan gives very practical advice on the way forward - that honours women and their families. Great, simple and practical read!
July 30, 2020
Good advice
This book is full of good advice that all of us already know. The problem comes in implementing the suggestions and sticking to the change!
This book is full of good advice that all of us already know. The problem comes in implementing the suggestions and sticking to the change!
December 1, 2021
**DNF.
Gave this book 2 stars because the premise of the book is needed. However, as others have stated, since it was written by a man, it was just him mansplaining a woman’s problem and his so called “solution” which was really annoying. Only got half way through. Would have been more successful as a book written by a man for men.
Side note: I’ve done it. Many times. I’ve sat my family down and told them I’m done. They need to help me not have to do it all. Lasts for.. a day. At most. Granted, my kids are still relatively little but until my husband keeps a mental list of everything that needs to be done constantly in his head, and joins me in rallying up the kids to help out, things will never change. Wish the book would’ve dived into this. Why do women (not all? Just some?) have a psychological bent toward keeping track and doing it all and men just sort of coast through life? How do I train my sons not to be this way? How can their father train them?!
Gave this book 2 stars because the premise of the book is needed. However, as others have stated, since it was written by a man, it was just him mansplaining a woman’s problem and his so called “solution” which was really annoying. Only got half way through. Would have been more successful as a book written by a man for men.
Side note: I’ve done it. Many times. I’ve sat my family down and told them I’m done. They need to help me not have to do it all. Lasts for.. a day. At most. Granted, my kids are still relatively little but until my husband keeps a mental list of everything that needs to be done constantly in his head, and joins me in rallying up the kids to help out, things will never change. Wish the book would’ve dived into this. Why do women (not all? Just some?) have a psychological bent toward keeping track and doing it all and men just sort of coast through life? How do I train my sons not to be this way? How can their father train them?!
October 19, 2019
As a working mother of Two, married with two paid jobs I often feel like I am only nagging on my family, never satisfied with our life an always questioning what is going wrong.
I already read a lot books on that subject, but this on is special.
In very short chapters the authors shows you how it usually goes and then if you work on yourself and on letting go of the old ways, maybe get the chance to leave the vicious circle, that is so tiresome for everybody.
I really enjoyed reading this book, because it always helps to have someone to hand you a mirror so you can see what's is going wrong in your relationship, and you got the chance to change it.
I already read a lot books on that subject, but this on is special.
In very short chapters the authors shows you how it usually goes and then if you work on yourself and on letting go of the old ways, maybe get the chance to leave the vicious circle, that is so tiresome for everybody.
I really enjoyed reading this book, because it always helps to have someone to hand you a mirror so you can see what's is going wrong in your relationship, and you got the chance to change it.
June 21, 2024
Only made it one hour into the audiobook. I stopped after the author described things “we” as parents don’t do but should- basically giving kids responsibilities.
Allen helps me hugely, I think partly because he was “home hubs” for a while. I was curious about this topic but it isn’t a pain point in my life so I DNF
Notes
95% of people want kids
Beginning of this book gave me a lot to think about. The author is very negative about bringing children into a relationship. He presents a romantic relationship as very positive and focused on fun. He then presents having children as a chore, this removing fun from the relationship and adding strain on the couple. he references a study where mothers ranked spending time with their children very low 16 out of 19 items, it makes me wonder how old the children of these mothers were in the study. The author seems at a loss, almost as to why people still want children when it is such an enormous chore and strain on a relationship. This is a very selfish view, that life is all about the fun you can have and thus a child interrupts. I also find it strange how the author uses moving in or getting married as if these are equivalent items.
2/3 of children today have two working parents
Independence deficit disorder
Chronic supervision
Allen helps me hugely, I think partly because he was “home hubs” for a while. I was curious about this topic but it isn’t a pain point in my life so I DNF
Notes
95% of people want kids
Beginning of this book gave me a lot to think about. The author is very negative about bringing children into a relationship. He presents a romantic relationship as very positive and focused on fun. He then presents having children as a chore, this removing fun from the relationship and adding strain on the couple. he references a study where mothers ranked spending time with their children very low 16 out of 19 items, it makes me wonder how old the children of these mothers were in the study. The author seems at a loss, almost as to why people still want children when it is such an enormous chore and strain on a relationship. This is a very selfish view, that life is all about the fun you can have and thus a child interrupts. I also find it strange how the author uses moving in or getting married as if these are equivalent items.
2/3 of children today have two working parents
Independence deficit disorder
Chronic supervision
June 22, 2020
I really enjoyed reading this book- but for the sake of honestly I will admit that, especially towards the end- I skimmed the chapters that aren't reflective of my current situation (teens, upper elementary aged focused chapters etc).
The information is good- and it really forces Moms (well parents- because this book can easily apply to Dads too) to REALLY look and themselves and the situation they are in. I can flat out tell you that my Manager Mom issues are all situations I have put myself into- so I can't expect it to change without asking for help. I like that Phelan talks about the different ways you can approach all these changes. I think the biggest eye-opener for me was "automatic talk" which- looking back--- I do and I'm wondering if that is part of the issue with my 4 year old's current behavior too. I'm working on coming up with a plan to let things go- and let myself be ok with things not being the way I would do it.
I recommend this book to ANY PARENT- or really any married couple.
The information is good- and it really forces Moms (well parents- because this book can easily apply to Dads too) to REALLY look and themselves and the situation they are in. I can flat out tell you that my Manager Mom issues are all situations I have put myself into- so I can't expect it to change without asking for help. I like that Phelan talks about the different ways you can approach all these changes. I think the biggest eye-opener for me was "automatic talk" which- looking back--- I do and I'm wondering if that is part of the issue with my 4 year old's current behavior too. I'm working on coming up with a plan to let things go- and let myself be ok with things not being the way I would do it.
I recommend this book to ANY PARENT- or really any married couple.
November 6, 2023
This is not a full review but it's worth noting that I actually took a lot from this book. I hadn't realized how much I "automatically talk" and since realizing it I've been working on biting my tongue. I also am selecting small things to transfer responsibilities onto my family and learning to LET GO. I'm already feeling a bit more ease in my life and have actually been able to, like, pursue my interests before Little Dude is in bed.
All in all, good results. I did find it annoying that he fell back on referencing his previous book so often but I don't think that you need to read it to benefit from this.
All in all, good results. I did find it annoying that he fell back on referencing his previous book so often but I don't think that you need to read it to benefit from this.
January 20, 2024
Though the majority of this book is targeted towards working moms (not me), I found some of the information helpful and it was a good read for me. I agree with the idea that children are capable of far more than modern life gives them credit for and appreciate the ideas in this book to help them achieve that.
January 4, 2023
This book has some good tips/relatable struggles but also has a lot of unnecessary acronyms, a fairly preachy tone, and some assumptions that adult men are incapable of many household tasks when really it is weaponized incompetency.
March 17, 2024
Libby audio. While he has some good points, this is still a man mansplaining to me how to be a mom. No thank you. It’s also near impossible to institute his suggestions because most men are incapable or their weaponized incompetence is so ridiculous.
January 5, 2020
This may have helped me more ten years ago. At least it’s not just me.
March 13, 2020
This had a few good ideas. Parts were patronizing and seemed a bit dated though. Who marries a man in 2020 who doesn't know how to run a washing machine?
September 23, 2022
Some helpful tips, but not really necessary if you’ve got a supportive partner with whom you can have honest discussions regarding desires and expectations.
September 9, 2021
Like Eve Rodensky's Fair Play, this book looks to equalize the household work load between partners so that no one person is shouldering most of the burden. Unlike Fair Play, Phelan includes the kids and drags them into the equation as well. After all, if it's such a burden to do all the laundry, imagine how much lighter everyone's load will be if each individual did their OWN laundry. To Phelan, once kids get to be about 9, there's not a lot of housework they can't do by themself, including laundry. He also embraces Rodensky's CPE model (Conception, Plan, and Execution), but calls it by another name. The gist is to get the person to accept the WHOLE chore, not divvy it up piecemeal. In the case of laundry, that means remembering to do it without prompting, figuring out how to do it (i.e. do I need to get a new box of dryer sheets?), and then actually doing it. Not only does that place the chore itself on kiddo's (or partner's) shoulders; they are also responsible for the 'mental load'/'emotional load' too. If anyone is wearing dirty clothes, it's the natural consequence of not doing one's own laundry. Phelan does acknowledge this will take training, but the book is about the idea of training rather than the nuts and bolts of it.
The strategy is pretty sound, and that part alone was great. The premises to get there, however, undermine his whole effort. He believes dads are just naturally suited to hiding in the other room reading the sports page, while 9 months of being inside Mom's belly basically gave Mom (and only mom) the natural ability to perfectly anticipate and respond to all of baby's emergencies. He also thinks Mom is doing the whole Manager Mom thing because of her internal Mommy ID that tells her to be a perfect mother at all times. He mansplains that no one is actually keeping score. I had to check the verso to find out that this book was published in 2020. Seriously?!
The strategy is pretty sound, and that part alone was great. The premises to get there, however, undermine his whole effort. He believes dads are just naturally suited to hiding in the other room reading the sports page, while 9 months of being inside Mom's belly basically gave Mom (and only mom) the natural ability to perfectly anticipate and respond to all of baby's emergencies. He also thinks Mom is doing the whole Manager Mom thing because of her internal Mommy ID that tells her to be a perfect mother at all times. He mansplains that no one is actually keeping score. I had to check the verso to find out that this book was published in 2020. Seriously?!
December 15, 2023
First book in a long time I couldn’t get through. I see the authors point of having kids help & be more independent. It’s easy for parents to do things that kids are more than capable of doing for the sake of time/convenience. If you have older kids, maybe this book will be insightful for you.
However, it felt more like it was adding even more work to my plate and had a condescending tone. To sum up what I did read:
That it’s “simply Mother Nature” that women get stuck doing more work. It’s actually the patriarchy but, i digress.
Chapter about “Auto-Talk” AKA nagging. As if mothers enjoy nagging?
Has the idea a 9 year old can cook a “four course meal” for a family. (Yes, he actually said that.)
States that dad “babysits” when you leave. Is he babysitting, or taking care of the children he created? Hmmmm.
Got about 1/3 into this book before I realized every chapter is how I’M doing something wrong. If I want more free time, I need to “train” my husband and kids to do things… instead of doing their part around the house because they also live here.
The book you actually want is Fair Play, by Eve Rodsky.
However, it felt more like it was adding even more work to my plate and had a condescending tone. To sum up what I did read:
That it’s “simply Mother Nature” that women get stuck doing more work. It’s actually the patriarchy but, i digress.
Chapter about “Auto-Talk” AKA nagging. As if mothers enjoy nagging?
Has the idea a 9 year old can cook a “four course meal” for a family. (Yes, he actually said that.)
States that dad “babysits” when you leave. Is he babysitting, or taking care of the children he created? Hmmmm.
Got about 1/3 into this book before I realized every chapter is how I’M doing something wrong. If I want more free time, I need to “train” my husband and kids to do things… instead of doing their part around the house because they also live here.
The book you actually want is Fair Play, by Eve Rodsky.
July 12, 2022
Wow, if you thought 1,2,3 Magic was bad....
The tone is horrible. Yes, moms absolutely are burdened with the unfair share of family and household management, and there are some solutions in this book for making it more fair. But, over, and over, and over again this book blamed women for the problem, and put the work of rebalancing the household on women. Like yeah, it is going to be women that do the work to make the shift, but it's not our responsibility/duty to do it.
Gross, gross, gross. Everyone please go read "Women's Work" by Megan Stack and "Fair Play" by Eve Rodsky instead of this. And replace all your copies of 1,2,3 magic with any and every book by Dan Siegel.
The tone is horrible. Yes, moms absolutely are burdened with the unfair share of family and household management, and there are some solutions in this book for making it more fair. But, over, and over, and over again this book blamed women for the problem, and put the work of rebalancing the household on women. Like yeah, it is going to be women that do the work to make the shift, but it's not our responsibility/duty to do it.
Gross, gross, gross. Everyone please go read "Women's Work" by Megan Stack and "Fair Play" by Eve Rodsky instead of this. And replace all your copies of 1,2,3 magic with any and every book by Dan Siegel.
December 3, 2019
The book did have some good suggestions, but I felt that the male author was in places talking down to the reader mother and blaming her for situations. There was a big focus on kids' independence, which will work for older kids like described in the book but not as much for early grade school or younger. The book has examples of families where mom passed along duties to dad and/or kids, and some of them go on and on in details. Lots of focus on kids doing their own laundry. I just didn't take away from this as much or what I was expecting.
I received an ARC in exchange for an honest review.
I received an ARC in exchange for an honest review.
March 3, 2020
This is a book of bad takes on parenthood and division of labor. Goes into the "evolutionary" reasons moms just "naturally" do more. It's 227 pages to basically say "hey Mom you're doing it all wrong but it's a different wrong than you think! Just have your family do more, duh!" Such a waste of my time.
January 7, 2020
This book seems like it is geared toward parents of older children. My early-childhood age child wouldn't benefit much from these strategies. I also take issue with a male author discussing how mothers feel. . . but I'm trying to see past that.
October 1, 2021
After reading this book, I've got my 6-year-old getting himself fully ready for school in the morning and he and his 4-year-old brother are working together to do their laundry. So I'd call that helpful. I think having my oldest at 6 was the perfect time to read this as it suggests aiming for general competence (can clean, cook, do laundry, etc) by age 9. It does address starting with all ages, though I'd recommend waiting a bit for parents of young kids.
The writing is pretty light-hearted and occasionally exaggerated. He references his other book, which I haven't read, for additional techniques; this book feels more like a starting point, an attitude shift rather than one with all the nitty gritty details. Could the book do a better job of pointing out the societal issues that forced moms to take over as managers? Definitely. But, as the author says, your immediate priority is to fix it within your family rather than address social inequities at large and that's what the focus of the book is.
My husband is much better with cleanliness than I am and we have a pretty fair division of labor so I didn't need that part of the book. The parts I found helpful were encouraging kids to be independent and identifying parts of my own attitude that are unhelpful. It was validating to hear primary childcare is hard and that moms need breaks away from their kids. It was encouraging to consider teenage kids being responsible for grocery shopping for the family. It was also just generally helpful for me to consider being more intentional with my parenting strategies to avoid mindless ones like auto-talk that just makes this worse. It's not a perfect book but it's a quick read and opened me up to more possibilities.
The writing is pretty light-hearted and occasionally exaggerated. He references his other book, which I haven't read, for additional techniques; this book feels more like a starting point, an attitude shift rather than one with all the nitty gritty details. Could the book do a better job of pointing out the societal issues that forced moms to take over as managers? Definitely. But, as the author says, your immediate priority is to fix it within your family rather than address social inequities at large and that's what the focus of the book is.
My husband is much better with cleanliness than I am and we have a pretty fair division of labor so I didn't need that part of the book. The parts I found helpful were encouraging kids to be independent and identifying parts of my own attitude that are unhelpful. It was validating to hear primary childcare is hard and that moms need breaks away from their kids. It was encouraging to consider teenage kids being responsible for grocery shopping for the family. It was also just generally helpful for me to consider being more intentional with my parenting strategies to avoid mindless ones like auto-talk that just makes this worse. It's not a perfect book but it's a quick read and opened me up to more possibilities.
October 10, 2022
Sorta between 3 and 4 stars but overall I think this book has solid content that most moms should read.
The good: this is a way better "how to get your kid to do chores" book than The Entitlement Trap by the Eyres. It suggests women do their internal, emotional homework first, and then be prepared for their mixed feelings as they then rope in the rest of the family. It provides solid techniques for dealing with pushback.
I'm sure some people will bristle at his "mansplaining" but I think he is spot on that many women enable freeloading and can't figure out how to break out of their rut. Not that this vindicates anyone. But you can't expect the average lazy schlub (yeah, that's your husband and kids) to voluntarily give up their slothful freeloading habits.
The organization kinda ruined it though.
First problem: The chapters for people with young children (or babies) were at the end, and there was no "skip to the end if you're in prevention mode." The rest was only for women with kids over 9 which is a bit of a bummer.
Second problem: it felt really repetitive. Each chapter seemed to chart a similar course through somewhat similar material but he would build a little more or take a different route each time. Each chapter felt necessary but also full of too much we've already heard.
Third problem: some techniques he simply says "I covered this in 1-2-3 Magic so go read that." Given how much repetition could have been cut out to make room for a teeny weeny summary, I was a little annoyed by this.
The good: this is a way better "how to get your kid to do chores" book than The Entitlement Trap by the Eyres. It suggests women do their internal, emotional homework first, and then be prepared for their mixed feelings as they then rope in the rest of the family. It provides solid techniques for dealing with pushback.
I'm sure some people will bristle at his "mansplaining" but I think he is spot on that many women enable freeloading and can't figure out how to break out of their rut. Not that this vindicates anyone. But you can't expect the average lazy schlub (yeah, that's your husband and kids) to voluntarily give up their slothful freeloading habits.
The organization kinda ruined it though.
First problem: The chapters for people with young children (or babies) were at the end, and there was no "skip to the end if you're in prevention mode." The rest was only for women with kids over 9 which is a bit of a bummer.
Second problem: it felt really repetitive. Each chapter seemed to chart a similar course through somewhat similar material but he would build a little more or take a different route each time. Each chapter felt necessary but also full of too much we've already heard.
Third problem: some techniques he simply says "I covered this in 1-2-3 Magic so go read that." Given how much repetition could have been cut out to make room for a teeny weeny summary, I was a little annoyed by this.
March 10, 2024
While this book gave some good tips about how to try transferring the motherload onto other members in the family, I was a little annoyed at how much the author seemed to blame mothers for the unequal distribution of labor and sorta gave dad a free pass. Also, most of the advice was geared towards rallying the kids to help. By this point, shouldn't we be holding fathers more accountable for this issue? I agree that the WHOLE family contributes, but it would have been nice if this book gave a little more validation to the tired mothers out there who have already tried several of these tactics to no avail. For example, what do you do if your family starts doing their laundry, but then leaves their load wet in the washer for over a week? This not only will cause a build up of mold, but also hinders mom from her own laundry unless she moves it in and out of the washer every time. The author assumed that once mom gave up the task that this would get the ball rolling and keep it rolling. Ha! Also, what if more than 1 member of your household has ADHD...the author is an expert on ADHD and basically said that those with ADHD were incapable of handling these household tasks consistently until age 15 or so. So then what? Wait to do implement these strategies for another 6 years? With all that being said, I did enjoy reading about this issue and I WILL try some of these tactics because I think the premise is good, however, there was a lot left unsaid and there was too much focus on how mother's contribute to this problem and that is not fair or helpful.
April 9, 2025
This is my first book along this subject line, so I can’t say how it stacks up against anything else. I found this book when looking for something else and the title spoke to me. I devoured the first several chapters eagerly and the. My ADHD brain took me in some some other directions for a bit before I circled back to finish it. I do wish there had been a few more anecdotal examples, but that’s not to say there aren’t plenty, I just really appreciate good relatable examples, and this is a topic I struggle with, so the more the better. I do feel this book does a great job addressing how we slip into these Manager Mom expectations and habits and how we can get out of them. I especially love that it addresses not just how a husband can help, but the kids in the house as well. This is the most inspiring concept to me. I’m married to a man who is more traditionally oriented than modern, and am acutely aware I’m raising someone’s future husband. I do not want him to learn the same bad habits his dad has in regard to deferring everything to me. My husband really does try, but his version of trying as waiting until I ask for help and then doing just enough to get by. I want to teach my son to be an equal, both in the mental load and the physical load of life. This book helped me see my role in this bad habit though. I really do feel I do most things best, and can see why my husband leaves it all to me as a result. I need to do my part to change this narrative, just as much as I want him to step up and do his part. Good read, highly recommended to tired moms everywhere.
November 3, 2020
I don't believe everything in the book, but a lot of it makes sense and it codifies what moms feel is the unspoken pressure inherent in our roles in the household. Basically, the game changer is "stop nagging" that things aren't being done as we like and offer more praise for the messy, sloppy, and imperfect ways that our families do things. Over time, they'll get better and you'll be less responsible - making time for mom to live her life. I take issue with small details, especially since it doesn't talk much about kids who have discipline problems or a history of violence/abuse. It seems that kids battle greater issues than just a nagging mom and some parents have reason to be vigilant. But, I agree that trust and independence has to be built over time and parents don't need to wait too long to heap it on their kids. I also agree the dads/partners can do more than we let them - fair share!
February 23, 2022
Though cheesy, this book was packed with some awesome parenting info and ideas. I happened to read it as my kids are 5 and 7 - kind of the target age range for this book, though it technically covers newborn - teens and handles how to deal with a spouse as well. I got a ton out of this that I will be using right away and will even hold onto it to read again. The concept of “Automatic Talking” really hit the nail on the head for me, and was a huge lightbulb moment. The power of silence is important!
October 2, 2022
Well, I thought positively about this book, and then I read other reviews here on GoodReads and thought, "You know, ladies, you're right! This book stinks!" I think I had different expectations going into it, and it did feel nice to hear someone (the male author) say "You're working too hard! Your family needs to step it up!" So how do we get our families to step it up? We have to train them. Which just seems like one more thing to add to our plates. I do get what the book says about giving our kids more independence, and I'm totally guilty of doing things for my daughter instead of having her learn how to do it herself, but she's only 6 right now. And honestly, some of the book's case studies were WAY worse than what I experience daily, so I guess that's a good thing.
September 28, 2024
Borrowed this after it was mentioned in Emily Oster's The Family Firm. This book made some helpful points, but given that I listened in audiobook form, it was challenging to know what information was cited from a study versus the author's male perspective of mothers. Coupled with another male narrator, it sometimes felt like I was having motherhood mansplaned to me.
Given that the goal of the book was to help moms transition some parental ownership to dads, it felt weird that it was exclusively directed at moms and not dads.
Given that the goal of the book was to help moms transition some parental ownership to dads, it felt weird that it was exclusively directed at moms and not dads.
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