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Tabloid Terrors 2: Nessie Tried to Pimp My Wife
Nessie is a womanizing home wrecker, and we aim to tell the world!
In this second parody of tabloids, we go after all that dwells underwater.
Find out what Fish Men are good for. Discover what sog monkeys do after dark. Join us for a giant squid orgy and learn about the world's largest douchebag!
Here are five stories by S.D. Hintz and Jerrod Balzer, along with three by guest authors Garry Charles, Mike Jones, and Steve Vernon - who provided a twisted Captain Nothing tale.
In this second parody of tabloids, we go after all that dwells underwater.
Find out what Fish Men are good for. Discover what sog monkeys do after dark. Join us for a giant squid orgy and learn about the world's largest douchebag!
Here are five stories by S.D. Hintz and Jerrod Balzer, along with three by guest authors Garry Charles, Mike Jones, and Steve Vernon - who provided a twisted Captain Nothing tale.
86 pages, Paperback
First published June 1, 2008
8 people want to read
About the author
S.D. Hintz
27 books45 followersS.D. Hintz has published 5 short stories, 1 poem, and a novel this year — Vigilance & Vengeance (novel) by Solstice Publishing (late 2017), Bellows by Dark Alley Press in Ink Stains, Volume 4, Housecall by MacKenzie Publishing in the Two Eyes Open anthology, Temporary in The Misbehaving Dead collection by A Murder of Storytellers, The Devil’s Embrace in the Beautiful Lies, Painful Truths antho by Left Hand Publishers, Collingwood in the Scarlet Leaf Review, and Aspects of a Rose in the Cold Creek Review. He is the former Editor-in-Chief of KHP Publishers and extremely active on social media.
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Displaying 1 - 2 of 2 reviews
February 10, 2010
Here we go again with my third (and for the moment, final) plunge into the Tabloid Terrors series with the second book Tabloid Terrors 2: Nessie Tried to Pimp My Wife (and as the cover adds: but I'll get him!).
If this is your first look at one of my TT (titty) reviews, then please look at the others, as this one is going to be the briefer of the three. Why? Is it a shorter/worse book? No, far from it. I just don't want to repeat myself with the things I said about the other two.
To summarise, these books are truly original among horror anthologies, as while most play it straight faced (even some of the horror-humour anthologies such as Bloodlite seem to take themselves a little too seriously) this just doesn't give one solitary fuck. And that's what makes it. These books suggest fun on behalf of the writers, not making money or impressing anyone. You can truly feel the love...or that might just have been my copy. It came direct from series co-creator Jerrod Balzer, and some of the pages were stuck together, particularly the one with the picture of the shitting midget.
Ahem.
Anyhoo, here's the expected run down...
Nessie Tried to Pimp My Wife by Jerrod Balzer - Twists and turns a plenty in the opener. Lots of great one liners "I thought he was going to eat me!" "He WAS eating you!" and a nessie that talks street are the highlights.
Devil Whale: Worlkd's Largest Douchebag! by SD Hintz - SD's weird ass style is in full force with a bickering couple and their encounter with the devil whale. The finale will keep you on the edge of your seat, and talk about a great escape... SD is a stand out in TT2.
Porn Massacre! Calamari on the Celeste Marie by Garry Charles - A sexy tale from the fellow Englishman with a good splattering of gore just as the porn gets going. Great stuff. Puerto Rican pirates indeed!
Fountain of Youth Discovered in Fish Man's Testicles! by Mike Jones - Imagine a group of sailors go in search of a missing scientist on a tropical island, and find she has started a new life as the bride of a well endowed fish guy. Now imagine the sailors are the Monty Python crew. Sounds fun? It is.
A Very Squishy Date Rape: Sog Monkeys After Dark by Jerrod Balzer - This is very, very stupid, yet the cleverest piece in the collection. A man finally gets the chance to relive the childhood he missed out on due his strict upbringing. He gets all the toys he always wanted, but longs for some sog monkeys. From the title, you can assume he gets them and date rape chaos ensues...however...
Balzer sets this story up with a big nod to a famous 80's movie (I won't give the movie away, but it featured lots of Gremlins) and with this at the core, spins a story steeped with 80's pop culture. A very nostalgic, and very, very funny, trip.
Cock Tower: The Cumslinger. A Sticky Poo Napkin Special Report by SD Hintz - SD is at it again, this time with something that reads like a dirty homage to Lovecraft rather than the King series.
Two buds intent on pimping sirens track them to a mysterious island, a giant, ejaculating tower and a novelty use for an anchor. Painful and sexy at the same time, and that's both the story and the novelty use. Ouch!
Battle Royale: Captain Nothing says "Hoof in mouth is a beach!" Film at Eleven by Steve Vernon - Vernon takes a cheeky stab at his co-contributors in this superhero tale. Something is stalking the beach, and killed the closest thing Captain Nothing has as a friend. Only one man can stop this demon. Well, maybe not just one man...
Golden Mermaid has Shitty Midget Fetish by Jerrod Balzer - The title is wrong. Balzer himself has admitted to having the shitty midget fetish, and to save his marriage he writes shit such as this to get it out of his system. Think of Splash mixed with Jennifer's Body. Can you picture that? Now imagine a midget defecating all over it. A fitting end to the collection.
This book sits snugly between the more traditional short stories of TT1 and the more extreme TT3. It was actually my favourite of the series, but I don't think that means much as most people tend to buy all three rather than pick and choose, and I salute those readers!
As I put the series aside, until next year when hopefully TT4 will emerge, I'm left with one word. Unique.
Unique and well, wrong. Wrong on every conceivable level.
If this is your first look at one of my TT (titty) reviews, then please look at the others, as this one is going to be the briefer of the three. Why? Is it a shorter/worse book? No, far from it. I just don't want to repeat myself with the things I said about the other two.
To summarise, these books are truly original among horror anthologies, as while most play it straight faced (even some of the horror-humour anthologies such as Bloodlite seem to take themselves a little too seriously) this just doesn't give one solitary fuck. And that's what makes it. These books suggest fun on behalf of the writers, not making money or impressing anyone. You can truly feel the love...or that might just have been my copy. It came direct from series co-creator Jerrod Balzer, and some of the pages were stuck together, particularly the one with the picture of the shitting midget.
Ahem.
Anyhoo, here's the expected run down...
Nessie Tried to Pimp My Wife by Jerrod Balzer - Twists and turns a plenty in the opener. Lots of great one liners "I thought he was going to eat me!" "He WAS eating you!" and a nessie that talks street are the highlights.
Devil Whale: Worlkd's Largest Douchebag! by SD Hintz - SD's weird ass style is in full force with a bickering couple and their encounter with the devil whale. The finale will keep you on the edge of your seat, and talk about a great escape... SD is a stand out in TT2.
Porn Massacre! Calamari on the Celeste Marie by Garry Charles - A sexy tale from the fellow Englishman with a good splattering of gore just as the porn gets going. Great stuff. Puerto Rican pirates indeed!
Fountain of Youth Discovered in Fish Man's Testicles! by Mike Jones - Imagine a group of sailors go in search of a missing scientist on a tropical island, and find she has started a new life as the bride of a well endowed fish guy. Now imagine the sailors are the Monty Python crew. Sounds fun? It is.
A Very Squishy Date Rape: Sog Monkeys After Dark by Jerrod Balzer - This is very, very stupid, yet the cleverest piece in the collection. A man finally gets the chance to relive the childhood he missed out on due his strict upbringing. He gets all the toys he always wanted, but longs for some sog monkeys. From the title, you can assume he gets them and date rape chaos ensues...however...
Balzer sets this story up with a big nod to a famous 80's movie (I won't give the movie away, but it featured lots of Gremlins) and with this at the core, spins a story steeped with 80's pop culture. A very nostalgic, and very, very funny, trip.
Cock Tower: The Cumslinger. A Sticky Poo Napkin Special Report by SD Hintz - SD is at it again, this time with something that reads like a dirty homage to Lovecraft rather than the King series.
Two buds intent on pimping sirens track them to a mysterious island, a giant, ejaculating tower and a novelty use for an anchor. Painful and sexy at the same time, and that's both the story and the novelty use. Ouch!
Battle Royale: Captain Nothing says "Hoof in mouth is a beach!" Film at Eleven by Steve Vernon - Vernon takes a cheeky stab at his co-contributors in this superhero tale. Something is stalking the beach, and killed the closest thing Captain Nothing has as a friend. Only one man can stop this demon. Well, maybe not just one man...
Golden Mermaid has Shitty Midget Fetish by Jerrod Balzer - The title is wrong. Balzer himself has admitted to having the shitty midget fetish, and to save his marriage he writes shit such as this to get it out of his system. Think of Splash mixed with Jennifer's Body. Can you picture that? Now imagine a midget defecating all over it. A fitting end to the collection.
This book sits snugly between the more traditional short stories of TT1 and the more extreme TT3. It was actually my favourite of the series, but I don't think that means much as most people tend to buy all three rather than pick and choose, and I salute those readers!
As I put the series aside, until next year when hopefully TT4 will emerge, I'm left with one word. Unique.
Unique and well, wrong. Wrong on every conceivable level.
September 7, 2010
Tabloid Terrors #2, Nessie Tried To Pimp My Wife. The title alone should be enough warning about how disturbing and twisted this anthology really is. I cringed, shook my head quite a few times and laughed from start to finish.
I didn't have one favourite piece in this anthology, as I found myself enjoying both Porn Massacre! Calamari on the Celeste Marie, by Garry Charles, and Golden Mermaid has Shitty Midget Fetish, by Jerrod Balzer the most. Although, it is hard to pick favourites with anthologies like this, as they are all just as sick, twisted, disturbing and absolutely hilarious.
After reading A Very Squishy Date Rape: Sog Monkeys After Dark, By Jerrod Balzer, I know that I will never, I repeat, NEVER let my kids get Sea Monkeys.
As probably said by everyone who has read any of the three issues of Tabloid Terrors, they are the most unique, hilarious and disturbing anthologies you will ever read. Fantastic read and look forward to reading the very first issue.
I didn't have one favourite piece in this anthology, as I found myself enjoying both Porn Massacre! Calamari on the Celeste Marie, by Garry Charles, and Golden Mermaid has Shitty Midget Fetish, by Jerrod Balzer the most. Although, it is hard to pick favourites with anthologies like this, as they are all just as sick, twisted, disturbing and absolutely hilarious.
After reading A Very Squishy Date Rape: Sog Monkeys After Dark, By Jerrod Balzer, I know that I will never, I repeat, NEVER let my kids get Sea Monkeys.
As probably said by everyone who has read any of the three issues of Tabloid Terrors, they are the most unique, hilarious and disturbing anthologies you will ever read. Fantastic read and look forward to reading the very first issue.
Displaying 1 - 2 of 2 reviews