Why Good Sex Matters: Understanding the Neuroscience of Pleasure for a Smarter, Happier, and More Purpose-Filled Life

by Nan Wise

"A sex therapist and neuroscientist describes anhedonia, the inability to feel a satisfactory amount of pleasure-and provides the pathway back to fully enjoying sex, food, time with family and friends, and other pastimes, while also staving off depression, anxiety, and addiction"--

Genres: Nonfiction, Sexuality, Relationships, Self Help, Science, Psychology, Health

278 pages, Kindle Edition

Published January 1, 2020

Reviews

[Kristina B · Rating 4 out of 5]

It feels like the book is balancing between being a self-help book and an introductory textbook, but doesn't quite end up being either.

If it's a self-help book, then the advice and tips could be explained a bit more. Some of the stories in the book could potentially serve as illustrations of ways people struggle with these problems or overcome them, but they are way too vague and inconclusive to be effective.

If it's a nonfiction book on neuroscience and sexuality, then the information given here is too brief. Some parts seem to be oversimplified. I think the author would be brilliant in explaining them in more detail and complexity if she had chosen to do so. Hopefully there's another book coming?

Still, it was a pleasant and informative read. I think this book is right for you if
- you want to read about the basic hormones, emotions, and brain structures
- you haven't read much about neuroscience before
- you want a light and breezy book

You might not enjoy it much if
- you need specific practical tips for your sexual life
- you are looking for a detailed explanation of the whys and hows of sex.

For me this book worked as a smooth introduction to basic neurochemistry and core neurological systems. It refreshed my curiosity about brain, sex, and neuroscience, so in a way it helped tickle my SEEKING system :)

[Melissa · Rating 3 out of 5]

I may have enjoyed it more outside of a quarantine. I def wanted more neuroscience. But the language is great and helps one to really understand the importance of pleasure in our lives.

[Katie R. · Rating 4 out of 5]

Easy to understand, and yet it was more scientific than I expected. I read this as a recommendation, and while I'm glad I did, I really only found the third part useful. Would recommend to others, especially those interested in the mind/body connection, as this book heavily focuses on that—as it should.

[Anastasia Lipske · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm going to start this by stating that I am not in an intimate relationship at this time. I share that because enough people will bypass this by reading the title (remember...don't judge a book by its cover :-) and dismiss it if sex is not something that is currently happening in their life.

This book discusses anhedonia and how it's become prevalent in modern-day society. What is anhedonia? I'm glad you asked - and don't worry - I didn't know what it was either.

Anhedonia:

A psychological condition characterized by the inability to experience pleasure in normally pleasurable acts.

So you see, it's not just about "sex", though it is a vital part of health and pleasure. And what Dr. Nan does is to explain how our minds and bodies work so we can have a better understanding of this complex topic of pleasure AND sex.

I found it fascinating, inspiring and has me really thinking about how I want to do things differently when I do find myself in an intimate relationship again.

This book was chosen for my Access Inspiration a Virtual Book Club for Women. The women LOVED it and found it was so valuable. Having Dr. Nan attend our meeting so we could have an author discussion made it a memorable experience. She is SO knowledgable and so caring about helping people. If you want to know more about her check out her site: www.AskDoctorNan.com.

HIGHLY recommend this book!

[Alexandra Boyadzhiev · Rating 4 out of 5]

The bit where she said “eating pussy” ruined my life

[Christine · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is not what you think. It’s a book that tackles emotions, the human psyche, the mind/body connection and society’s issues as a whole. I found myself drawing upon the examples and science in conversations with people about raising kids, understanding play, and the difficulty people have being whole and relationship worthy.

Great book to nerd out over neuroscience. I read it at the same time as another neurobiology book (“When the body says no” by Gabor Mate) and a book about healing touch (“The touch remedy” by Michelle Ebbin. All things point back to the importance of self care, physical connection, and being fully present for ourselves.

Read it. Your life (with or without sex) will improve.

[Faye · Rating 2 out of 5]

What started off as a promising read fizzled out by the end. There were some interesting ideas connecting the human brain’s functioning to sex, but it wasn’t precise science. There were anecdotes sprinkled throughout of patients she had treated but the stories were very inconclusive. I think it would have served the reader better if she had gone into more detail about ways to solve sexual dysfunction. The title was largely misleading.

[Jacqueline · Rating 3 out of 5]

I would probably rate this one a 3.5. The beginning chapters offered a lot of information on affective neuroscience and healing emotional circuits that I found fascinating and useful. But after that the narrative sort of fell off into typical exercises and case studies to help couples improve their sex lives. I was not impressed with those chapters. The book was very well documented though, and it read like a textbook instead of a pop book.

[Dawn · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was interesting but limited. There seemed like there could have been so much more information passed on, that if you could just sit with the author and talk, you would receive a so much more. Maybe because there was no opportunity to be more than general, and no opportunity to expand, no chance for the enthusiasm for the subject to fully expand, it felt like I only got half a story. A relationship book with a sexual, neurological bent. Not something mind blowing or impressive.

[Sofia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Seriously, read this book. Especially if you're interested in the neuroscience of pleasure, the debunking of common misconceptions or misunderstandings about sex, the how and why humans seek and experience pleasure in the ways we do, and how to redefine your relationship to sex and eroticism. Dr. Wise explains everything in a sympathetic, relatable, comedic, and empowering manner that makes this book hard to put down.

[Attica Musings · Rating 5 out of 5]

This might be embarrassing but, hey it is an amazing book and talks about neuroscience and how our brains work and about all the things we do in our interactions with life, seeking, caring, etc. etc. and how they all interrelate and conflict... and top down, doesn't always work. Worth the read. I requested for Fairfax County public library, they have a Spanish edition, go figure!

[Mary · Rating 4 out of 5]

In case you were wondering!
The writer makes a strong argument for making sure that your love life is active in order to ensure a positive outlook on life as well as physical well being. Highly recommended for individuals and providers.

[G · Rating 4 out of 5]

Inspirational

Well, I'm convinced that good sex does matter. More importantly, being comfortable with your self and curious matters too. This book lays out a good strategy for keeping the spark alive within yourself.

[Jacqueline Francis · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really exceptional book. Great for those who are interested in how the brain impacts sex and also gives many exercises for those looking to improve their sex life and psychosexual health.

[Kristina · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a good book based on science and psychology. Was hoping for a little, er a lot, more spice.

[Kevin Dufresne · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hi,

I hope all is progressing well.

Why Good Sex Matters: Understanding the Neuroscience of Pleasure for a Smarter, Happier, and More Purpose-Filled Life by Dr. Nan Wise, PhD, is a guide toward healthy hedonism which works against anhedonia. I come across the book when reading a GetMeGiddy article, "Why Does Pleasure Feel So Good?" I'm constantly improving as an individual alone mindfully considering others as well especially my future romantic-life partner (we'll be together some day, lady). Finding, buying, then reading Why Good Sex Matters: Understanding the Neuroscience of Pleasure for a Smarter, Happier, and More Purpose-Filled Life proves to be valuable especially in conjunction with other texts I've come to read in relation to Psychoneuroimmunology such as It Didn't Start With You by Mark Wolynn and The Mind Body Code by Dr. Mario Martinez. The research focuses on good sexual development in a way that encroaches supporting orgasms though caters to ensuring well-being is priority. I really like the author's working methodology(ies) around emotional systems (Seeking, Fear, Rage, Panic/Grief, Care, Play, and Lust) as well as meditative practices toward healthy hedonism which the text affirms/examples guiding through qualitative research. I think certain aspects of the text may require a bit more knowledge concerning sexuality prior (for a more well-rounding understanding) though much of the text is palpable for individuals entering the realm of exploring research about sex.

Onward and Upward,
Kevin Dufresne
www.Piatures.com
IG: @Dufreshest

[Frrobins · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was the driest, most tedious book about sex I have ever read.

While I feel I could end my review there, it is important to note that there was good information in it. It was extremely heavy on neuroscience and cognitive science. It did promise big therapeutic breakthroughs, but as a therapist I was a bit underwhelmed there. None of the solutions Dr. Wise posits are particularly new or groundbreaking though I do appreciate that she avoids gimmicky surface level interventions. Reading the other reviews of this book, though, some people are more naturally predisposed to the introspection needed to really benefit from this book than others.

I kept reading because there was good information and I hadn't thought much about the connection of anhedonia with depression and how having permission to seek pleasure is a way to restore balance. But it was an ordeal to get through and I was glad to be done.

People who work in applied psychology might find it worth slogging through this. Otherwise I'd recommend a more engaging book.

[Anastasia]

So far, I'm not too impressed. The author, a scientist, seems to be making assertions that don't ring true and I'm not seeing citations thus far. For example, she writes that it is a common practice for women to write wills before they give birth because of the high rate of maternal mortality. She doesn't cite what culture or time period; this just doesn't seem true at all. She also writes later that animals have no sense of self, which has been clearly demonstrated to be false in species such as dolphins, gorillas, and elephants. Now she's blaming dating apps for some hot guy who's having lots of sex with many people and lamenting that he can't find the one.

We'll see if this gets any better.

[Val · Rating 2 out of 5]

The politics of this book had me thinking it was written in the early 2000s. Despite being written in 2020 the author consistently paints (cis) women as not being as interested in sex, and (cis) men as being horned up sex freaks 24/7. She also fails to mention any kind of unconventional relationship behind single sentences that barely acknowledge their existence. Transgender people get one line in this book to my recollection.

Wise focuses on a theory about emotion/sexuality that is dangerously akin to the four humors, where you need to keep several different emotions in a certain balance to have a healthy sex life. While I think this is somewhat true/helpful, I think it's too simplified.

Overall, I'm very disappointed in this book.

[William Yip · Rating 4 out of 5]

The title and description were misleading as the book dealt with pleasure in general with sex sometimes discussed. The author wrote in a dry tone and was sometimes verbose and repetitive. That said, the concepts are important to keep in mind: the body and the mental are related and affect both each other and how one experiences sensations including pleasure and emotions, one can proactively process negative experiences and emotions and neutralize them, that people are naturally born to seek out social activities and nurturing relationships, and that actively exploring more of the world and ourselves benefits us.

[Pat · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book connected emotions to sexuality in a way that I've never been able to grasp before. It inspired something in me that I'll carry with me for the rest of my life. I haven't seen anything quite like it before so it feels revolutionary, but it's just the tip of the iceberg. She brushes over a lot, only offers simple cases as examples, doesn't explore more difficult cases, and ignores the topic of addiction completely. It feels like a good introduction to something much more profound and deserves to be expanded on in much more detail. The research presented feels too important to just leave here.

[Gina Schneider · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dr. Wise outlines the neuroscience link between happiness and good sex. She illuminates the unhealthy theft of pleasure infecting our modern society and why that’s harmful to our physical and mental health. With just the right mix of stories, humor, and actionable tips, Why Good Sex Matters offers readers a pleasurable path to a happier, healthier life.

[Lukewarm · Rating 3 out of 5]

It is interesting as a look into sexology but It's just an okay self help book. It has a lot of good messages about sex and enjoying pleasure for someone who has repression but it doesn't seem like it's target audience.

[Gigi Engle · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really good and an interesting read. It's digestible for anyone looking to have better sex and enhance their sexual desires. Def recommend.

[Anita · Rating 4 out of 5]

Got this in a audible book, definitely worth the listen/read. Down to earth and readable, some good information about relationships & yourself! Thank you to the Author.

[Bowen Ben · Rating 5 out of 5]

Final words of this book. Amazing. Dr. Wise really goes into a much detail has she can about the psychological, the biological, and the emotional aspects of ‘Why Good Sex Matters’. I surmise that being able to recognize your own needs, your partner’s needs, and what needs must be addressed has a huge impact in sexual maturity. Live in the present and learn to listen to your body and lover.

5/5

[Christie Arias · Rating 2 out of 5]

I had a hard time being interested in this book.
It has lots of interesting info, just written in more of a clinical way, not an entertaining one.

[Ashlee · Rating 3 out of 5]

I might have enjoyed it more if it had more science and less self help

[Anne · Rating 5 out of 5]

required reading

[Abby Rae · Rating 4 out of 5]

lots of good practices and focuses on self awareness and exploration, lots of things I will be going back to if I’m ever feeling in a rut (not just sexually)
Easy to read