Keep Clear: my adventures with Asperger’s

by Tom Cutler

A wonderfully bittersweet, funnystrange account of living unwittingly with Asperger’s syndrome.

It is only after a crack-up, at the age of 55, that Tom Cutler gets the diagnosis that allows him to make sense of everything that’s come before, including his weird obsessions with road-sign design, magic tricks, spinning tops, and Sherlock Holmes. The final realisation that he has Asperger’s allows a light to dawn on the riddles of his life: his accidental rudeness, maladroitness, Pan Am smile, and other social impediments. But, like many with Asperger’s, Tom possesses great facility with words, and this shines through this exceptionally warm, bright, and moving memoir, which is alternately strikingly revealing, laugh-out-loud funny, and achingly sad.

Tom explores his eccentric behaviour from boyhood to manhood, examines the role of autism in his strange family, and investigates the scientific explanations for the condition. He recounts his anxiety and bewilderment in social situations, his sensory overload, his strange way of dressing, and his particular trouble with girls. He shares his autistic adventures in offices, toyshops, backstage in theatres, and in book and magazine publishing houses, as well as on — or more often off — roads.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Autistic Spectrum Disorder, Autobiography, Psychology, Personal Development

352 pages, Paperback

Published November 14, 2019

About the author

Tom Cutler is a bestselling British author. After a curious career in book and magazine publishing, and having built up a lifetime's scar tissue, he decided to launch himself as a humorous writer upon a reading public that had done nothing to hurt him.

Tom's books cover a variety of subjects, including language, sex, and music. Among his several international bestsellers are, A Gentleman's Bedside Book and the Amazon number-one blockbuster, 211 Things A Bright Boy Can Do. His work has been translated into several languages.

Tom is a practising magician and member of the Magic Circle, as well as a longstanding Sherlock Holmes aficionado. He has always known that there is something strange about the way he relates to the world, but it was only in 2016, at the age of 56, that he was formally identified as being on the autism spectrum. This, he says, was the happiest day of his life.

His latest book, Keep Clear: my adventures with Asperger's, is out now.

Reviews

[Clare · Rating 5 out of 5]

Keep Clear was such an interesting, informative and frank book. It gives a look into the life of Tom Cutler as he receives his Aspergers diagnosis. Immediately, he realises why he has always struggled in social situations and why people consider him to be rude and inappropriate. He then goes on to tell the story of his life and how Aspergers influenced it.

I really enjoyed this book as it gave me a lot to think about. It wasn’t all scientific based information - although that was there too. The anecdotes were sad at times, particularly his loneliness and depression when he started at university, but there was also great humour and the ability to laugh at himself.

Actually, I think there are a lot of people out there who could do with reading this. It explains so well that ‘high functioning’ doesn’t mean ‘easily able to cope’, that those with Aspergers need as much consideration as anyone else on the autism spectrum.

I will definitely be using what I’ve learnt in this book at work, as well as in everyday life. Thanks to the Pigeonhole for introducing me to such a great book, and to Tom for reading along with us and answering questions.

[Molly · Rating 2 out of 5]

I so very much wanted to love this. In general, when I read autism memoirs, I tend to go for a very select and pinpointed type: adult-identified women, nonbinary people, and other gender minorities, for a number of reasons, including that generally, such people aren't often given as much license to be "rude," asocial, brusque "eccentric" as cis men are, and therefore the experience of being socially stifled and unable to find anywhere to turn is more relatable. And yes, even in spite of Cutler's candor about the struggles of growing up without the knowledge of being autistic (which are very real, regardless of one's social or gender position), I kept thinking throughout how much freedom he had to make others adapt to him rather than be acted upon, as detailed in the myriad memoirs I've read of late-identified autistic women who expressed a deep sense of not just "not conforming" or "not fitting," but of being fundamentally wrong, morally bad, and pressured to perform normality at a much higher degree than is necessary for even the most nonconformist men. Yes, employment, interviewing, and socializing can be intensely difficult for anyone on the spectrum; and historically, men have been able to find outlets by which to dodge these expectations in a way that women, being shut out of certain professions and fields through social pressures, often were not.

Similarly, the pernicious and sexist mythology of autism as a primarily-masculine way of being doesn't receive much challenging here until literally the last ten pages of a 337-page book; all of the previous 327 pages do a lot to reinforce Simon Baron-Cohen's "extreme male brain" theory, repeatedly mentioning that activities like sleight-of-hand magic and trainspotting are almost exclusively (and, to wit, anecdotally) male, with Cutler saying more than once that these just "don't seem like activities women enjoy." In the final few pages of the book, he acknowledges "oh wait! It seems like there are actually a LOT more autistic women out there than people thought, and they get really good at hiding!" but nothing previously in the book indicated he was aware of that research, which made me look at the whole narrative with a somewhat jaundiced eye.

And yeah, I get that an autism memoir written by a cis man isn't the place to go to for nuanced feminist commentary, and I SWEAR that wasn't what I was looking for in the book; it just jumped out at me as a place that really needed clarification early, especially if the memoir is intended to illuminate the challenges of learning later in life that one struggles with the traits of a widely misunderstood condition while trying to pretend to be something you're not, because this is overwhelmingly the experience of women and genderqueer folks on the spectrum.

All this being said: I recognized so. much. of myself in this memoir, even while admitting I didn't feel like the humor came across in print (am I just too American for this type of dryness? Not capable enough of parsing sarcasm? Either way, it's not to my taste, for which I don't fault the book at all). The specificity of situations, trains of thought, and social failures that Cutler describes are so very real as to make me think more than once while reading this, "Oh, I totally remember when that happened!" He's great at piercing into the heart of the specific, whether talking about the inability to filter out extraneous input while trying to navigate an automatic ticketing or self-payment kiosk (total hell!!) or imagining that everyone around you is operating on some kind of nonsensical irrationality. I found myself more than once wondering how much better a reading experience it would have been if it didn't also feel the need to be an "Autism 101 Guide," especially because Steve Silberman's NeuroTribes, which Cutler repeatedly cites, does that job much better... and with less gender stereotyping.

[Melody · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm all over the place with this one. I really enjoyed the ASD-eye view. The minutiae of typefaces was less enjoyable. In all the "special interest" memoirs I have read, the author is powerless over pointing out others with their same interest/malady: junkies of a certain age always mention Lou Reed, alcoholics point out atypical drinking behaviour. This memoir is no different, as each notable character Cutler introduces is (surprise!) on the ASD spectrum.

In sum, I got an interesting if wildly discursive peek into a mind drastically different from my own.

[Amelia · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very interesting and informative book detailing what it is like to live with Aspergers, both before and after diagnosis. I particularly found it fascinating as the wife of a husband with it. It explained things really well and with great humour. I was lucky enough to be able to read this via the Pigeonhole App, a Stave a a day over ten days. I really looked forward to each one arriving. I can highly recommend this book.

[Fay Flude · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is an unusual read and one that will not appeal to everyone. Maybe the audience will encompass the individual who has Asperger's or classic autism, a family member of someone with the diagnosis, educationalists who aspire to deeper insights, or those of the population who are open minded enough to accept neurodiversity and appreciate a book that is informative, quirky, beautiful, honest and also sad. Of course, maybe that list describes any one person, but whatever way in which you choose to label yourself, I urge you to read this refreshing book which will make you think, question and add a new and colourful dimension to your perspectives of fellow man and the interactions you have with the people you meet along the way.

[Maria Rivas-mc · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read Keep Clear via the Pigeonhole and, interspersed with the Staves, were Q&A’s with the author, Tom Cutler. One of the first questions evoked a telling response:
The Pigeon asks Tom Cutler... What would your super power be? 
To be left alone.

‘Keep Clear’ was fascinating, thoroughly researched, and loaded with real person examples from the past and the present. It is written by a man who discovered, much to his relief after five decades of anxiety caused by coping with the world, that he was ‘Asperger’ (as he put it). Throughout, I had a sense of Tom Cutler stepping back and presenting personal experiences dispassionately, reviewing them in light of what he now knows. Cutler says that one of his aims in writing a book is to get an idea out of his head and into the head of his reader. In this particular case, his autobiographical novel of self-discovery gives us a wonderful opportunity to understand the autistic mind from the inside out. I certainly couldn’t get it out of my head and was driven to share snippets of learning with friends. One told me, ‘that is my son’.

Cutler tells us “Asperger’s syndrome is, indeed, occasionally referred to as ‘mild autism’, but for many whose lives are a daily social or sensory obstacle course, or who have been made profoundly unhappy by the condition, ‘mild’ is not the right word.” Read the book. Even if the topic doesn’t strike directly home, it is well worth it. My thanks to Tom Cutler and The Pigeonhole for the opportunity.

[Sue Maynes · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was one of those rare books that you finish and keep thinking about. The story of a man diagnosed with Asperger's, Tom's writing is full of the very pragmatic approach to life evidenced by this syndrome, interspersed with moments of hilarity and sadness and a lot of relevant information. It opens the reader to a new understanding and very clearly shows that a person with asperger's can offer great value to all around him, as well as to the world. I was able to read this through Pigeonhole and recommend this well-written book to all.

[L A King · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a very emotional and humorous book. Tom is a truly wonderful author and has overcome so much in his life. Aspergers is talked about now, yet forty or so years ago there was very little known. Tom found out late in life that the reason he had been different from other people whilst growing up is because he had Aspergers. I have learnt so much from him. There are many other famous people who I had not known were suffering from this. He has made me look at myself and also those around me. Maybe instead of being awkward or outspoken there might be an underlying issue. I would recommend that teaching staff read this, at it might give them better insight into the fact that the child they think is being naughty or defiant may need to be handled differently. If they are fixated with a particular thing like trains make their learning around trains. Give them train books to read. Thank you Tom and Pigeonhole for such a fantastic read and allowing me to read this in exchange for an honest review.

[Lynne · Rating 4 out of 5]

A must read for anyone who works in education or has a friend, colleague or relative with Asperger’s, It is written with honesty and a wonderful dry wit. There are laugh out loud moments as well as pathos. There are also chunks of information about Asperger’s which some readers may feel drag a little; although Tom Cutler highlights some surprisingly well known figures with the condition.
Such an illuminating and candid view inside the mind and life of a person with Asperger’s has forever changed my understanding of the immense effort it takes to fit in with the ‘neurotypical’ world and how there should be space just to be.
Keep Clear is well written and displays a brilliant use of language and I will certainly be reading other books of the author!

[Becki · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed the first 38% of this book, where the author shared his sudden diagnosis, at age 55, of Aspergers. As a teacher who teaches several autistic students, this insight into the mind of an "Asperger", as the author calls them, was quite intriguing.

After these first two chapters, though, the author took a very long detour through a *quite* thorough telling of his life history, and frankly, it just didn't hold my attention. At 87% he returned to update the audience on his current life, and my interest picked up a bit. I mean no disrespect, I just had a hard time determining what sort of book this was supposed to be- Insight Into Autism, or The Long and Winding Path to Here. I think there is an audience for each of those books, but I'm not sure the two audiences contain the same people.

I appreciate the opportunity to read an ARC of this book in exchange for my honest opinion. My thanks to the author, publisher and #NetGalley. #KeepClear

[James · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was essentially two books, an amusing tale of the author going through CBT and visiting an expert on Autism in an attempt to figure out his own mental health issues, and a standard autobiography. I didn't feel particularly engaged with the biographical element and so I came away disappointed, as it wasn't what I'd expected and could have been funnier.

Using Asperger's for comedic value had been done before by Mark Haddon and Graeme Simsion, but I was interested in a non-fiction, possibly more authentic take. While reading the first two chapters I thought I knew what the book would involve, Cutler describing the process in which he was (not officially) diagnosed with Aspergers, and the change in his perception of previous incidents armed with this knowledge, possibly speaking to other experts for their views. After his second documented meeting, the tone changed into a birth to present day autobiography, and not choosing particular incidents or events that illustrated the condition, but instead telling his story and including comments, when appropriate, of how he recognised traits of autism in himself or others.

His writing wasn't bad, but I didn't think it captivated me either. I would have liked him to have just said the town or place he lived in rather than giving hints about its location or features, but a lot of the prose was fairly dull, describing which house he was moving into or his new job role. Sometimes an anecdote didn't seem relevant at all (why did he mention a girl hitching her skirt up when playing as kids?), and after the detail of the first few chapters and his idiosyncracies that came up in everyday life, the subject of the book wasn't as prominent in the latter two thirds.

Cutler also broke up the first section with historical points about autism, and some of its prominent figures, but there was much less of this later on. There were still interesting insights into why he acted a certain way and how others perceived him, and it's possible this was an extended illustration of one trait, talking at length in something the listener has lost interest in. But I found myself skim reading the chapter about his career to get to the end.

The main positive is that this was not a fictional character being used for a cheap laugh and the author certainly came across sympathetically on the page; but I didn't think it built on its early promise and I think quite a bit could have been cut from the life story sections. Weirdly enough, the last new book I bought was a history of type so his narrow interests and digressions did not put me off (although the ff ligature of the book's typeface did), it was the everyday, more normal details and there wasn't enough humour to make it enjoyable.

[Jonathan Karmel · Rating 4 out of 5]

There are so many of these autobiographies by people with autism. I very much enjoyed this one. The author talks a lot about "camouflaging" or "pretending to be normal." The author does a great job explaining what autism is and how it affected his life, even though he only learned he was autistic in his 50s.

I also enjoyed the story of Cutler's life. He had a gift with language and an interest in the literal aspect of putting words on a page: typesetting. He is also creative and funny and has become a successful writer. Now I'm interested in reading something else that he's written. His writing style is very intelligent and witty and contains a lot of cool use of words I did not know, including quirky British turns of phrase. I enjoyed the palindromes and examples of ambiguity created by the failure to use the Oxford comma. I also very much liked hearing his thoughts about typesetting, interesting concepts that I had never given any thought to. Cutler's writing style is fun and interesting; it's obvious he grasps the structure of language in a way most people don't. The book itself is very cool: the cover, the illustrations, the materials, colors, fonts, very cool design.

I'm happy for the author that learning that he had autism basically cured his depression and anxiety, because he understood that the way he was had an explanation and that there wasn't anything wrong with him.

[Vic · Rating 4 out of 5]

Tom Cutler's memoir starts with his suspicion that he might have Aspergers. (NB Aspergers is no longer usually given as a distinct diagnosis; it’s now grouped as part of “the autism spectrum”, but many people with high functioning autism still prefer to identify as Aspies.) When he receives his own diagnosis, Tom looks at his own life and past experiences differently - and notices the Aspie tendencies of other members of his family, as well as a number of famous names who are likely to have been on the spectrum. Tom notes, for example, that autistic employees are “not only conscientious and industrious in their chosen work, many are also creative and extremely original” - yet many struggle with getting and keeping jobs. And autistic people die younger than average. “Autistics see the world differently and feel everything more intensely than typical people”.

I found this an insightful book - well worth a read for a view of someone else’s life and struggles, especially so if you or someone you know might have Aspergers/be on the autism spectrum.

[Catalina · Rating 5 out of 5]

Seeing this on the ThePigeonHole newsletter instantly piqued my interest. Autism/Asperger’s syndrome is something we keep talking about as we believe both my husband and teenager son are on the spectrum. The thought he might have Asperger’s makes my son very angry and resentful of my husband (genetics :p). So when I've seen this, I hoped it's going to be an interesting read that I'd be able to suggest to my son, in the hope it's going to help him deal with the idea of potentially being on the spectrum. And indeed, I was not disappointed! It is a brilliant read. Very informative(at times it reads like a non-fiction about autism) but it's also hilarious(I loved the dry humor!!) and quirky, endearing even. Many a time Tom's "adventures" and/or thoughts/way of seeing life reminded me of my two men. It helped me understand them better and empathize with their plight.
I am definitely going to buy this and 211 Things a Bright Boy Can Do for my son :)

[Anthony Yvonnica · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not a bad book, but flawed.

After reading the book I don't know what the author's intent was. Nor I do know his perspective. It seems that he wrote it from the perspective of an adult who was diagnosed with Asperger's who revisited his past under the light of that diagnosis. However he wrote it in the person of someone who knew his diagnosis while the past was occurring. It became confusing. And I believe his intent was to answer his own questions rather than to enlighten his readers. Because of this I almost got dizzy reading it and trying to figure out what was going on.

Asperger's syndrome has a very broad range of behaviors. Worse is that it is now included into the diagnosis of autism which itself has a broad range of manifestations. A story of one man's experience might help us to understand that man, but it can't be applied to many other people.

I learned a lot about the author, but little else about Asperger's.

[Sarah McCarthy · Rating 5 out of 5]

After a lifetime of struggling in social situations and feeling that he doesn't fit in, Tom Cutler was finally diagnosed with Asperger's at the age of 55. This book reads like an autobiography, it is beautifully written and veers between brilliant laugh out loud moments and profound emotion that made me cry. You do not need to have an interest in Asperger's to enjoy this book. However if you do then it is hugely insightful and will help anyone who has a friend or family member with it.
I loved reading about his romantic encounters and meeting with his future (American) wife who thought his peculiarities were just down to British eccentricity. His final accolade to his wife was one of the most moving things I have read.

[Katie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really enjoyed the first half of the book - his journey as he tries to understand this part of himself that he never even had considered before. He's often witty, and the reading is easy but very informative. The second half turns more into a memoir - it was interesting to see him apply this new lens onto his memories, and see how things suddenly made sense when viewed with this new perspective, but it just wasn't as captivating to read.

[Marie Bowers · Rating 4 out of 5]

Anecdotes from a life of someone diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome in his 50s.
Looking back from this new viewpoint Tom finds lots of autistic trends in himself, his family, his friends, his colleagues, and famous people both real and fictional. Interesting facts and figures, well researched, seen through his unique perspective.
Plenty of food for thought and lots of interesting facts about typography, fonts, road signs and tube maps!

[Scribe Publications]

This is a delightful and intimate insight into Asperger's, it couldn't be more timely or more valuable.
Nicholas Blincoe, author of Manchester Slingback/

Cutler’s memoir is a heartwarming account of his life through the lens of his obsessions and eccentricities.
Happy Mag

[Lesley Winch · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a fascinating and often witty book about living with Asperger's - one man's story about how he lived through all the trials and tribulations of Asperger's and his relief when he was finally diagnosed quite late in life. It is a brilliant book and a must have for anyone in education and health as well as for those who have relatives, friends or colleagues with Asperger's.

[Derek Healy · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a splendidly funny and moving account of living , mostly unsuspectingly, with Asperger's. I shall never think of rude, obsessional people in the same way again. Look again at that person at the party, probably at the back of the kitchen, alone and aloof - they may end up writing a book about you.

[Rebecca Nagrodski · Rating 1 out of 5]

Unfortunately, while I really enjoyed the honesty of the first part of this book, I wasn't able to finish this one. The reason being is that the book very gradually turned into a dry textbook - and while there was the occasional interesting sidebar, I just couldn't bring myself to wade through the text to find all of them.

[Christine Rennie · Rating 4 out of 5]

An insightful book on living with Aspergers and informative about autism in today’s society.
Keep Clear by Tom Cutler is the book to read to find out what it is like being diagnosed with Aspergers when you are an adult.
Recommended

[Christine · Rating 5 out of 5]

An excellently written book about Asperger's syndrome. Very witty, it will remain a manual of reference for both professionals and people who do not know much about the syndrome. Highly recommended to read!!

[Stephanie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is an entertaining and informative read about living with Asberger’s.
Mainly memoir but with various interesting facts thrown in along the way, the author writes with great humour, and has produced and enjoyable and uplifting read.

[Julia Povall · Rating 3 out of 5]

A sometimes humorous explanation of one man's diagnosis of Asperger's. The revelation helped him make sense of his past and helped him deal with current situations from a different perspective and to plan for future social situation,

[Gail Danks · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting insight into life with Aspergers

[Pheadra · Rating 5 out of 5]

A well-written book, with touches of humour about Autism/Asperger's that I think should be prescribed reading for professionals dealing with this condition.

[Joy · Rating 3 out of 5]

As a (self diagnosed) probable Aspie myself I found this fascinating and interesting. Lots I could relate to.

[JoJo Bookworm · Rating 4 out of 5]

An eye-opening, engaging and sometimes amusing account of unknowingly living with Asperger's.