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Under The Lone Star Flagstick
Melanie Hauser pulls together the best, most memorable, and most outrageous stories ever written about Texas golf and Texas golfers. Where else but Texas could Titanic Thompson - a hustler so thorough that he'd dig up road signs to set up a bet - do the impossible whenever cash was on the line? Where else could "golf's angriest man," 1940s touring pro Lefty Stackhouse, get so angry at hooking his drive that he'd walk over to a thorny rose bush and begin whipping his right hand back and forth through it, drawing blood? Where else could Austin County Club legend Harvey Penick spin his wonderful tales about golf and life? Filled with profiles, commentaries, tournament reports, and the outrageous antics of some of golf's greatest hustlers and conmen, Under the Lone Star Flagstick is a must read for anyone who relishes a good Texas tale - or the best golf has to offer.
320 pages, Hardcover
First published November 5, 1997
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June 7, 2022
This was my SECOND golf book--ever. And that matters only because I just began taking golf lessons for the first time at 54. In other words, I write this review with precious little knowledge of golf.
I enjoyed this book more than I expected to. I dug it out of a box at a used book store. I saw that Mickey Herskowitz had written one or two of the articles and that piqued my interest. But as I got into it, there was really SO MUCH here. This collection of articles on Texas golf spans nearly 100 years, one or two of the stories being from the 1920s. The book covers an amazing Pantheon of golf heroes--frankly, it is surprising how many significant American golfers have Texas roots or ties of some sort to the Lone Star state.
Being sports writing, much of this was just a lot of fun to read. People criticize sports reporters for hyperbole and all sorts of outrageous, overly-clever writing tricks: they use too many rhymes, too much alliteration, too many cliches, too much drama and exaggeration, and on and on. But, taken for what it is, sports reporting is fun reading. This book was a blast.
And of course, before I'd finished the book, I'd resolved to come back to it and read it again, several years down the road when I am a more experienced golfer and can maybe have a chance of keeping straight the names and faces and biographies of these golfers.
Two of the stories were so entertaining, I wrote in the margin that they ought to be made into movies. It's true that today's audiences may not be familiar with all the key players, but audiences watch movies for many reasons other than prior knowledge of the characters.
The first story was written by the editor of the book, Melanie Hauser, published in 1996 by GOLF WORLD, and is called "One From the Heart." It tells the story of Ben Crenshaw's second victory--by a single stroke--at the 1995 Masters at Augusta National just days after he and Tom Kite had traveled to Austin the day before the first round to attend the funeral of the legendary golf coach Harvey Penick, author of the "golf bible" the LITTLE RED BOOK. Penick had recently reminded the putting genius to "take dead aim." That story just "gets you all in your feels," as the kids say, and that was true for me, though I had precious little knowledge of these people before I read the book. (Truly excellent work, Ms. Hauser.)
The second story I would love to see on the silver screen is called "The Glory Game at Goat Hills," was publised by FAIRWAYS AND GREENS in 1994, and was written by Dan Jenkins (author of DEAD SOLID PERFECT and SEMI TOUGH). This hilarious story of truly creative golf takes place at WORTH HILLS public golf course in Fort Worth. Jenkins and his young friends nicknamed the place "Goat Hills." They also nicknamed each other: Tiny, Easy, Magoo, Foot the Free (short for "Bigfoot the Freeloader"), Ernie, Matty, Rusk, Grease Repellant, Little Joe, Weldon the Oath, Jerry, John the Band-Aid, Moron Tom, and Jenkins--who was called "Dump."
A few excerpts follow:
"There would be an excellent chance that all of us would be in one hollering, protesting, club-slinging gangsome, betting huge sums of money we didn't have. In other words, when Cecil's truck was hidden behind the hedge, you knew the game was on.... It was not unusual for other players to drive their cars around the course, find the game, hop on, and get it on."
"On other days, purely out of boredom, we played the course backward, or to every other hole, or every third hole, or entirely out of bounds except for the greens, which meant you had to stay in the roads and lawns. We also played the course with only one club, or just two, or sometimes at night."
"We had once played through six blocks of downtown Fort Worth, from Seventh Street to the courthouse, mostly on Commerce Street, without getting arrested."
"The longest hole we ever played was from the first tee at Goat Hills to the third green at Colonial Country Club, roughly sixteen blocks away."
"Playing through neighborhoods required a unique shot, we discovered. A blade putter was an ideal club to keep the ball low so it would get extra roll on the pavement."
"Tiny quit at a fishpond. Grease Repellant lost his ball when he struck a sundial. Easy Reid met a fellow and stopped to sell him some insurance. John the Band-Aid broke his blade putter when he sailed it at a chimney. Foot and Magoo were the only two who finished, and they had to play out after they climbed over the Colonial Fence because some members sent a caddie back to the clubhouse to get the club manager, who would, in turn, call the police."
This book is organized around some of the people and places in Texas golf:
1. Ben Hogan (7 stories)
2. Ben Crenshaw, Harvey Penick, and Tom Kite (5 stories)
3. Others: Ben Hogan, Tommy Bolt, Byron Nelson, Jimmy Demaret (the "Singing Texan"), Lloyd Mangrum, Lee Trevino, Orville Moody, Lanny Wadkins, Fred Couples, Robert Landers, Charlie Sifford, Morris Williams, Babe Didrikson Zaharias, Kathy Whitworth (from Odessa Junior College), Betsy Rawls, Betty Jameson, Sandra Palmer, Lefty Stackhouse, John Bredemus (golf course designer), Gus "the walker" Moreland, Don Cherry.
4. Notable Texas courses: McLean Lions Golf Association, Lajitas Golf Course ("it may be a tourist trap, but it's a hell of a setting for one"), Alpine Country Club, Archer City Country Club, Pedernales Country Club (Willie Nelson's Golf Course, with Willie's Rules).
FACTS---
--Jimmy Demaret made colorful fashions the norm on the golf course (long before Doug Sanders).
--Lee Trevino once drove a car from El Paso to the Panama Open--in PANAMA!
--Fred Couples was part of a golf dynasty at UH--the school's teams won 16 championships in 32 years!
--Babe Didrikson shot an 86 on her first-ever round of golf. This was documented by three reporters who were no-doubt interested in the athletic achievements of the famous women's basketball player, olympic track star, and pitcher in MLB exhibition games. She went on to help found the LPGA, and was a huge figure in women's golf. (Incidentally, when she hit five home runs while playing ball with her older brothers, her life-long nickname of "Baby" was changed to "Babe.")
--Robert Landers practiced golf in his field--with cows and cow patties.
--The first modern sand wedge was invented at the Houston Country Club by E.K. MacClain, but the PGA outlawed his version two years later because the concave face would strike the ball twice.
--The gas-powered golf cart was invented at River Oaks C.C. when a local car dealer saw the young caddie Preston Moore, Jr., going home every night on a Cushman equipment scooter. The car dealer, Dick Jackson was hobbled by arthritis, but wanted to play golf again, so he talked to the people at Cushman and set to work.
--"The PEDERNALES STROLL" is the name of the rule unique to Willie Nelson's Golf Course: "Facing an unplayable lie, you just pick up the ball and stroll to a spot you like better."
--Jimmy Demaret and Jack Burke, Jr., are Houston's odd couple who designed and built CHAMPIONS GOLF COURSE, apparently a truly amazing golf course.
--At Dallas's Preston Trail golf club there are only 250 memberships available. When one becomes open, a bidding process begins. Bids have gone as high as $22,000.
--There's a story of Mickey Mantle driving 398 yards--with a three wood.
QUOTES---
--Bob Hope played Billy Graham in Dallas and Graham's apparent slice hit a tree and bounced back into the fairway. Hope turned to the crowd and demanded, "did he slip to one knee? He's always pulling miracles. The man can find a four-leaf clover in a sand trap."
--On Tommy Bolt: "He spoke two languages: English and Profanity. He elevated cussing to an art form."
--On Jimmy Demaret: "It is reported that cardinals, bluebirds, and mockingbirds follow him around the course to get the latest in attire and voice."
--On Lefty Stackhouse: "Merely throwing and breaking clubs might not provide the necessary release--and he broke more clubs than an airline. After a bad shot, a livid Lefty might grab a tree with both hands and butt it with his head, or kick himself savagely in the shin.... Lefty didn't play golf; golf played him.... For a while Stackhouse actually punched himself to relieve the rush of adrenaline he felt after his golf ball misbehaved. But he discovered he had knockout power in his left hand, so he stopped."
--When he won tournaments, Dick Martin was often offered the choice of new golf clubs or a sterling silver set. He always took the clubs, which he then sold out of the trunk of his car. "Once, after winning a tournament in Corsicana, he explained his rationale: 'If I took the silver, Marguerite would have to spend all her time polishing it. As it is, she's got to keep the grass cut while I'm out playing golf"
--Jimmy Demaret was on the TONIGHT SHOW with Johnny Carson. Johnny asked him to evaluate his swing:
"Carson swished a club through the air and looked at him expectantly. Demaret thoughtfully stroked his chin and moved around to Carson's other side.
'Swing again,' said Demaret.
Carson did. Demaret moved to still another angle of observation.
'Swing one more time, John,' said Demaret, arching his eyebrows. Carson did.
'What do you think?' he asked Demaret.
'Tell you what, John,' Demaret drawled, sucking on his teeth. 'If I were you, I'd lay off for a couple weeks,' he paused. Then he added, 'And then I'd quit.'
The audience fell all over itself."
--Perhaps the craziest story in the book involves the incredible cash bets common at certain courses, particularly Tenison Park in East Dallas. Late in the day two golfers nicknamed FATMAN and THE FLY were playing when a robber jumped from behind a tree: "Fatman was down $600 to the Fly when a hijacker stepped out of the woods near No.3. This is not as uncommon as you might suppose. Where there are high rollers there are likely to be hijackers. [Another nick-named golfer] Titanic Thompson once shot and killed a robber on a course in Tyler, Texas.] "Your money or your life!" the robber is supposed to have said to Fatman and the Fly, at which time the Fatman took out his roll, peeled off $600 dollars, and handed that to the Fly, thus settling up before subsequent transactions commenced...."
I enjoyed this book more than I expected to. I dug it out of a box at a used book store. I saw that Mickey Herskowitz had written one or two of the articles and that piqued my interest. But as I got into it, there was really SO MUCH here. This collection of articles on Texas golf spans nearly 100 years, one or two of the stories being from the 1920s. The book covers an amazing Pantheon of golf heroes--frankly, it is surprising how many significant American golfers have Texas roots or ties of some sort to the Lone Star state.
Being sports writing, much of this was just a lot of fun to read. People criticize sports reporters for hyperbole and all sorts of outrageous, overly-clever writing tricks: they use too many rhymes, too much alliteration, too many cliches, too much drama and exaggeration, and on and on. But, taken for what it is, sports reporting is fun reading. This book was a blast.
And of course, before I'd finished the book, I'd resolved to come back to it and read it again, several years down the road when I am a more experienced golfer and can maybe have a chance of keeping straight the names and faces and biographies of these golfers.
Two of the stories were so entertaining, I wrote in the margin that they ought to be made into movies. It's true that today's audiences may not be familiar with all the key players, but audiences watch movies for many reasons other than prior knowledge of the characters.
The first story was written by the editor of the book, Melanie Hauser, published in 1996 by GOLF WORLD, and is called "One From the Heart." It tells the story of Ben Crenshaw's second victory--by a single stroke--at the 1995 Masters at Augusta National just days after he and Tom Kite had traveled to Austin the day before the first round to attend the funeral of the legendary golf coach Harvey Penick, author of the "golf bible" the LITTLE RED BOOK. Penick had recently reminded the putting genius to "take dead aim." That story just "gets you all in your feels," as the kids say, and that was true for me, though I had precious little knowledge of these people before I read the book. (Truly excellent work, Ms. Hauser.)
The second story I would love to see on the silver screen is called "The Glory Game at Goat Hills," was publised by FAIRWAYS AND GREENS in 1994, and was written by Dan Jenkins (author of DEAD SOLID PERFECT and SEMI TOUGH). This hilarious story of truly creative golf takes place at WORTH HILLS public golf course in Fort Worth. Jenkins and his young friends nicknamed the place "Goat Hills." They also nicknamed each other: Tiny, Easy, Magoo, Foot the Free (short for "Bigfoot the Freeloader"), Ernie, Matty, Rusk, Grease Repellant, Little Joe, Weldon the Oath, Jerry, John the Band-Aid, Moron Tom, and Jenkins--who was called "Dump."
A few excerpts follow:
"There would be an excellent chance that all of us would be in one hollering, protesting, club-slinging gangsome, betting huge sums of money we didn't have. In other words, when Cecil's truck was hidden behind the hedge, you knew the game was on.... It was not unusual for other players to drive their cars around the course, find the game, hop on, and get it on."
"On other days, purely out of boredom, we played the course backward, or to every other hole, or every third hole, or entirely out of bounds except for the greens, which meant you had to stay in the roads and lawns. We also played the course with only one club, or just two, or sometimes at night."
"We had once played through six blocks of downtown Fort Worth, from Seventh Street to the courthouse, mostly on Commerce Street, without getting arrested."
"The longest hole we ever played was from the first tee at Goat Hills to the third green at Colonial Country Club, roughly sixteen blocks away."
"Playing through neighborhoods required a unique shot, we discovered. A blade putter was an ideal club to keep the ball low so it would get extra roll on the pavement."
"Tiny quit at a fishpond. Grease Repellant lost his ball when he struck a sundial. Easy Reid met a fellow and stopped to sell him some insurance. John the Band-Aid broke his blade putter when he sailed it at a chimney. Foot and Magoo were the only two who finished, and they had to play out after they climbed over the Colonial Fence because some members sent a caddie back to the clubhouse to get the club manager, who would, in turn, call the police."
This book is organized around some of the people and places in Texas golf:
1. Ben Hogan (7 stories)
2. Ben Crenshaw, Harvey Penick, and Tom Kite (5 stories)
3. Others: Ben Hogan, Tommy Bolt, Byron Nelson, Jimmy Demaret (the "Singing Texan"), Lloyd Mangrum, Lee Trevino, Orville Moody, Lanny Wadkins, Fred Couples, Robert Landers, Charlie Sifford, Morris Williams, Babe Didrikson Zaharias, Kathy Whitworth (from Odessa Junior College), Betsy Rawls, Betty Jameson, Sandra Palmer, Lefty Stackhouse, John Bredemus (golf course designer), Gus "the walker" Moreland, Don Cherry.
4. Notable Texas courses: McLean Lions Golf Association, Lajitas Golf Course ("it may be a tourist trap, but it's a hell of a setting for one"), Alpine Country Club, Archer City Country Club, Pedernales Country Club (Willie Nelson's Golf Course, with Willie's Rules).
FACTS---
--Jimmy Demaret made colorful fashions the norm on the golf course (long before Doug Sanders).
--Lee Trevino once drove a car from El Paso to the Panama Open--in PANAMA!
--Fred Couples was part of a golf dynasty at UH--the school's teams won 16 championships in 32 years!
--Babe Didrikson shot an 86 on her first-ever round of golf. This was documented by three reporters who were no-doubt interested in the athletic achievements of the famous women's basketball player, olympic track star, and pitcher in MLB exhibition games. She went on to help found the LPGA, and was a huge figure in women's golf. (Incidentally, when she hit five home runs while playing ball with her older brothers, her life-long nickname of "Baby" was changed to "Babe.")
--Robert Landers practiced golf in his field--with cows and cow patties.
--The first modern sand wedge was invented at the Houston Country Club by E.K. MacClain, but the PGA outlawed his version two years later because the concave face would strike the ball twice.
--The gas-powered golf cart was invented at River Oaks C.C. when a local car dealer saw the young caddie Preston Moore, Jr., going home every night on a Cushman equipment scooter. The car dealer, Dick Jackson was hobbled by arthritis, but wanted to play golf again, so he talked to the people at Cushman and set to work.
--"The PEDERNALES STROLL" is the name of the rule unique to Willie Nelson's Golf Course: "Facing an unplayable lie, you just pick up the ball and stroll to a spot you like better."
--Jimmy Demaret and Jack Burke, Jr., are Houston's odd couple who designed and built CHAMPIONS GOLF COURSE, apparently a truly amazing golf course.
--At Dallas's Preston Trail golf club there are only 250 memberships available. When one becomes open, a bidding process begins. Bids have gone as high as $22,000.
--There's a story of Mickey Mantle driving 398 yards--with a three wood.
QUOTES---
--Bob Hope played Billy Graham in Dallas and Graham's apparent slice hit a tree and bounced back into the fairway. Hope turned to the crowd and demanded, "did he slip to one knee? He's always pulling miracles. The man can find a four-leaf clover in a sand trap."
--On Tommy Bolt: "He spoke two languages: English and Profanity. He elevated cussing to an art form."
--On Jimmy Demaret: "It is reported that cardinals, bluebirds, and mockingbirds follow him around the course to get the latest in attire and voice."
--On Lefty Stackhouse: "Merely throwing and breaking clubs might not provide the necessary release--and he broke more clubs than an airline. After a bad shot, a livid Lefty might grab a tree with both hands and butt it with his head, or kick himself savagely in the shin.... Lefty didn't play golf; golf played him.... For a while Stackhouse actually punched himself to relieve the rush of adrenaline he felt after his golf ball misbehaved. But he discovered he had knockout power in his left hand, so he stopped."
--When he won tournaments, Dick Martin was often offered the choice of new golf clubs or a sterling silver set. He always took the clubs, which he then sold out of the trunk of his car. "Once, after winning a tournament in Corsicana, he explained his rationale: 'If I took the silver, Marguerite would have to spend all her time polishing it. As it is, she's got to keep the grass cut while I'm out playing golf"
--Jimmy Demaret was on the TONIGHT SHOW with Johnny Carson. Johnny asked him to evaluate his swing:
"Carson swished a club through the air and looked at him expectantly. Demaret thoughtfully stroked his chin and moved around to Carson's other side.
'Swing again,' said Demaret.
Carson did. Demaret moved to still another angle of observation.
'Swing one more time, John,' said Demaret, arching his eyebrows. Carson did.
'What do you think?' he asked Demaret.
'Tell you what, John,' Demaret drawled, sucking on his teeth. 'If I were you, I'd lay off for a couple weeks,' he paused. Then he added, 'And then I'd quit.'
The audience fell all over itself."
--Perhaps the craziest story in the book involves the incredible cash bets common at certain courses, particularly Tenison Park in East Dallas. Late in the day two golfers nicknamed FATMAN and THE FLY were playing when a robber jumped from behind a tree: "Fatman was down $600 to the Fly when a hijacker stepped out of the woods near No.3. This is not as uncommon as you might suppose. Where there are high rollers there are likely to be hijackers. [Another nick-named golfer] Titanic Thompson once shot and killed a robber on a course in Tyler, Texas.] "Your money or your life!" the robber is supposed to have said to Fatman and the Fly, at which time the Fatman took out his roll, peeled off $600 dollars, and handed that to the Fly, thus settling up before subsequent transactions commenced...."
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