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Something I Am Not
Winner of the 2016 Genesis Award, the 2020 Christian Indie Award for Best YA, finalist in the 2020 Carol Award for Best YA, and 2024 Screencraft Cinematic Book Award Finalist.
He thought he could survive anything—but how far will he have to go to protect the only innocent thing left in his world?
Small town high school quarterback hopeful, Billy McQueen, works hard to keep his life together and concealed. His friends will never know what happens in his father's barroom and in the apartments upstairs.
For his eighteenth birthday, Billy receives a bottle of Jack Daniels, a prostitute to make him a man, and a little brother he never knew he had—an eight-year-old incapable of navigating the corrupt underworld of his father's operation.
When his brother becomes the perfect leverage for Billy's compliance, freedom is no longer the only thing he barters for. Now, to save his little brother, he must be willing to trade everything, even his own life.
He thought he could survive anything—but how far will he have to go to protect the only innocent thing left in his world?
Small town high school quarterback hopeful, Billy McQueen, works hard to keep his life together and concealed. His friends will never know what happens in his father's barroom and in the apartments upstairs.
For his eighteenth birthday, Billy receives a bottle of Jack Daniels, a prostitute to make him a man, and a little brother he never knew he had—an eight-year-old incapable of navigating the corrupt underworld of his father's operation.
When his brother becomes the perfect leverage for Billy's compliance, freedom is no longer the only thing he barters for. Now, to save his little brother, he must be willing to trade everything, even his own life.
366 pages, Paperback
First published January 25, 2019
65 people are currently reading
387 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 69 reviews
December 31, 2019
Something I Am Not by Cher Gatto is an amazing coming of age story and so much more. I was gripped by the characters and plot and didn't want to put the book down. The story stayed with me long after I finished the last page. Highly recommended to all those who want to read a powerful story of hope and redemption!
January 26, 2019
In Cher Gatto's gripping novel, Something I am Not, she has successfully woven heart-wrenching characters into a fictional, but true-to-life setting of modern day slavery and human trafficking.
I honestly read this book in one sitting, memorized by the emotional twists. I highly recommend Something I am Not. For the story and awareness of what could be right in front of us...
(I received an Advanced Reader Copy)
I honestly read this book in one sitting, memorized by the emotional twists. I highly recommend Something I am Not. For the story and awareness of what could be right in front of us...
(I received an Advanced Reader Copy)
July 17, 2020
Beware: This Book Has the Power to Crush Your Heart
I loved the character of Billy from the first page. This poor, flawed man-boy resisted every attempt to make him become what he did not want to become. He was every abused and broken person you’ve ever known, and yet he was himself, too. Uniquely him.
And despite wanting to devour every word of his story, I skimmed large sections of Something I Am Not.
It wasn’t the writing. Despite wanting to say there were more words than necessary to tell the story, I disagree with myself. Looking back now that I’m done, I realize my resistance to “all the words.” It’s what they conveyed.
With gentle delicacy that juxtaposes brutal abuse and boxing, of all things, Something I Am Not unfolds the story in such a way that you never doubt the horrors this boy goes through. And as much as you know them, you never see them. Cher Gatto keeps most of that off the page but never out of the forefront of your mind. It’s brilliant, beautiful writing.
And I hate it.
Not only that, but I should. The author wants me to. That’s the point of this book—to take your heart, pummel it until it’s left battered and bleeding on the mat, and then ask one question. “What are you going to do about it?”
Books like Something I Am Not? These are why I love Christian fiction. This is the point of fiction for me. They help me see what I know is there but can sanitize, gloss over, ignore. Books like this won’t allow that.
And this book is a perfect example of exemplary word choice. Not once… not once did the words feel sanitized or out of place. And yet, not a single “foul” word in the bunch. Instead, skillful use of words created a story that shows that foulness without resorting to lazy writing with “just” swearing to do the hard work.
And seriously, that is the only reason this book is getting five stars.
See, I liked the book. I think it’s an important book—a necessary book. But I didn’t love it. And that’s what it usually takes for me to punch it up to five. But what I did love was how this author took vile, nasty, horrible people and showed them for all their ugliness, and I didn’t once think, “well that got sanitized for CF.”
Don’t get me wrong. I am grateful. I don’t want that sort of language in my fiction—Christian or secular. But for someone to do that so well… I think she’s earned that extra star. I'm grateful that I received a free review copy. Here's my review. I hated that I needed to read it. I liked the story it told. I loved how she told it.
Recommended for people who can take the hard stuff or skim when it gets too difficult. Not recommended for the sensitive who are truly crushed by how vile humanity can be. Also not recommended for those who like to pretend the world is a shiny happy place. Can’t destroy the delusions, can we?
I loved the character of Billy from the first page. This poor, flawed man-boy resisted every attempt to make him become what he did not want to become. He was every abused and broken person you’ve ever known, and yet he was himself, too. Uniquely him.
And despite wanting to devour every word of his story, I skimmed large sections of Something I Am Not.
It wasn’t the writing. Despite wanting to say there were more words than necessary to tell the story, I disagree with myself. Looking back now that I’m done, I realize my resistance to “all the words.” It’s what they conveyed.
With gentle delicacy that juxtaposes brutal abuse and boxing, of all things, Something I Am Not unfolds the story in such a way that you never doubt the horrors this boy goes through. And as much as you know them, you never see them. Cher Gatto keeps most of that off the page but never out of the forefront of your mind. It’s brilliant, beautiful writing.
And I hate it.
Not only that, but I should. The author wants me to. That’s the point of this book—to take your heart, pummel it until it’s left battered and bleeding on the mat, and then ask one question. “What are you going to do about it?”
Books like Something I Am Not? These are why I love Christian fiction. This is the point of fiction for me. They help me see what I know is there but can sanitize, gloss over, ignore. Books like this won’t allow that.
And this book is a perfect example of exemplary word choice. Not once… not once did the words feel sanitized or out of place. And yet, not a single “foul” word in the bunch. Instead, skillful use of words created a story that shows that foulness without resorting to lazy writing with “just” swearing to do the hard work.
And seriously, that is the only reason this book is getting five stars.
See, I liked the book. I think it’s an important book—a necessary book. But I didn’t love it. And that’s what it usually takes for me to punch it up to five. But what I did love was how this author took vile, nasty, horrible people and showed them for all their ugliness, and I didn’t once think, “well that got sanitized for CF.”
Don’t get me wrong. I am grateful. I don’t want that sort of language in my fiction—Christian or secular. But for someone to do that so well… I think she’s earned that extra star. I'm grateful that I received a free review copy. Here's my review. I hated that I needed to read it. I liked the story it told. I loved how she told it.
Recommended for people who can take the hard stuff or skim when it gets too difficult. Not recommended for the sensitive who are truly crushed by how vile humanity can be. Also not recommended for those who like to pretend the world is a shiny happy place. Can’t destroy the delusions, can we?
January 8, 2019
Using strong, fast-moving prose, Cher Gatto has created a fascinating story that truly leaves the reader thinking long after the story ends. As we follow the painful journey Billy takes as an abused young man sold into human trafficking, Cher's story asks us to consider suffering and redemption, pain and healing, need and sacrifice. As the author herself says of her book, she wants us to consider not only the tale she has so expertly crafted, but also the deeper spiritual significance of our own journeys, the lies to which we fall victim, and the truth that can set us free. Read with this depth of contemplation, Cher Gatto's book, Something I am Not, is a beautiful, painful, and redemptive read.
*I received an Advance Reader Copy from the publisher.
*I received an Advance Reader Copy from the publisher.
January 4, 2019
Blending eerie insight and gorgeous prose, Cher Gatto weaves a tale that captures the minds and hearts of readers from the very first of its lines. Something I Am Not is so much more than a bit of entertainment, plumbing and illuminating the depths of our souls as we walk with Billy through pain, doubt, fear, hope, courage, and glorious triumph. Welcome to the newest Must Read!
I received an Advance Reader Copy from the publisher.
I received an Advance Reader Copy from the publisher.
January 4, 2019
As the author, I will let you decide, but I promise you a gripping tale that will bring you on an incredible journey of a young man who beats the odds and rises above his shame and oppression to become a hero. Enjoy!
January 13, 2019
Incredible debut. I fell in love with this book from the start and couldn't stop turning pages.
January 8, 2019
Eye opening. That would be how I would sum this book up. It was VERY well written. But the subject matter was hard to read. It was honestly painful, but also meaningful at the end to think that really in a way this is the story of all of us. I received an advance copy to read.
January 6, 2019
Through tears and wonder I have been totally and completely amazed by the gift and talents of this author, Cher Gatto. After reading "Something I Am Not" I understand why Cher is a Genesis Award winner. This story, the best I have ever read, is filled with emotion, suspense romance, redemption, and more. Her way of painting a picture with words, describing everything in magnificent detail made me want it to never end. I am ready for a sequel and praying it will become a movie.
July 21, 2020
Something I Am Not by Cher Gatto is a Christian contemporary allegorical story. It is absolutely heart-breaking and beautifully written. The love and pain reach from the pages and lodge in the reader’s heart.
You cannot help but love and admire the main character who is lost but in his lostness, he still tries to rescue another. He does not want the innocent to have to walk in his footsteps.
The main character clings to hope. It is a hope that God sent following a prayer. It is a hope that he clings to even though life looks so very dark. “Don’t believe the lies that threaten to shake and destroy you… you have a God who loves you.”
The novel has the main theme of fathers and truth. Our heavenly Father loves us unconditionally and will never leave us to suffer alone. In contrast our earthly fathers may be abusive and not treasure the gift of life. The abused think they deserve the behaviour they receive and it is heart-breaking as they excuse the behaviour. “Even now I defended him.” The father of all lies wants to separate us from God. He wants us to believe the lie that we are unloved and worthless. The truth is we are loved and Jesus paid the ultimate price for each and every one of us. We must tune into the voice of God.
How we view God is often coloured by our experiences. “Maybe He wasn’t scowling down from His throne, watching and waiting for me to mess up so He could knock me across the room. Maybe… God was more like this man.”
There is the horrendous theme of human trafficking and modern day slavery. There are some hard to read scenes. There are parallels with the Biblical story of Joseph.
Church is not about a performance. Church is about coming to God just as you are. “Church is never about being something you’re not.”
Something I Am Not was a painful read but it also had a great hope and His name is Jesus. Cher Gatto has produced a heart-wrenching read with some gems of love sandwiched in between the pain.
I received this book for free. A favourable review was not required and all views expressed are my own.
You cannot help but love and admire the main character who is lost but in his lostness, he still tries to rescue another. He does not want the innocent to have to walk in his footsteps.
The main character clings to hope. It is a hope that God sent following a prayer. It is a hope that he clings to even though life looks so very dark. “Don’t believe the lies that threaten to shake and destroy you… you have a God who loves you.”
The novel has the main theme of fathers and truth. Our heavenly Father loves us unconditionally and will never leave us to suffer alone. In contrast our earthly fathers may be abusive and not treasure the gift of life. The abused think they deserve the behaviour they receive and it is heart-breaking as they excuse the behaviour. “Even now I defended him.” The father of all lies wants to separate us from God. He wants us to believe the lie that we are unloved and worthless. The truth is we are loved and Jesus paid the ultimate price for each and every one of us. We must tune into the voice of God.
How we view God is often coloured by our experiences. “Maybe He wasn’t scowling down from His throne, watching and waiting for me to mess up so He could knock me across the room. Maybe… God was more like this man.”
There is the horrendous theme of human trafficking and modern day slavery. There are some hard to read scenes. There are parallels with the Biblical story of Joseph.
Church is not about a performance. Church is about coming to God just as you are. “Church is never about being something you’re not.”
Something I Am Not was a painful read but it also had a great hope and His name is Jesus. Cher Gatto has produced a heart-wrenching read with some gems of love sandwiched in between the pain.
I received this book for free. A favourable review was not required and all views expressed are my own.
April 10, 2025
Oh. My. Word. This book tore my heart in pieces, stitched it together, and then broke it again. Billy is one of the many children and teens who unfortunately have been sold to human traffickers. Throughout this book I just wanted to give him a BIG hug. 😭 This book really opened my eyes to the gravity of human trafficking, and has given me one more thing to put on my prayer list. Amazing story of God's redemptive nature.
January 16, 2019
As the author’s aunt, I anticipated giving this book a glowing review based on, if nothing else, the author. She is an amazing wife, mother, mother-in-law, daughter, daughter-in-law, sister, sister-in-law, aunt, niece, friend, and much more. I know her character, and I know she can write!
Then…I read “Something I Am Not”! I knew the book was about a boxer’s son--that it was a little gritty here and there--but I was not prepared for the honest, painful look into some of the worst areas of our fallen human condition. Cher dealt with repellent issues openly, without sensationalizing them. It is disturbing to think that these things, and worse, happen in a so-called civilized society. I won’t list any of the inhuman (or totally human in a Godless society) things that happen, because I do not want to spoil the book for anyone.
I applaud the positive ending of “Something I Am Not,” but I think I can foresee a sequel! I hope I can foresee a sequel! I would love to see how Billy fleshes out his faith and deals with the aftermath of all he has been forced to see, to experience, and to accept. I also think this book would make a smashing audio book and I’m looking forward to that. I gave “Something I Am Not” a 5-star rating. As a first-time published, award winning author, Cher has hit it out of the park! Congratulations!!
Then…I read “Something I Am Not”! I knew the book was about a boxer’s son--that it was a little gritty here and there--but I was not prepared for the honest, painful look into some of the worst areas of our fallen human condition. Cher dealt with repellent issues openly, without sensationalizing them. It is disturbing to think that these things, and worse, happen in a so-called civilized society. I won’t list any of the inhuman (or totally human in a Godless society) things that happen, because I do not want to spoil the book for anyone.
I applaud the positive ending of “Something I Am Not,” but I think I can foresee a sequel! I hope I can foresee a sequel! I would love to see how Billy fleshes out his faith and deals with the aftermath of all he has been forced to see, to experience, and to accept. I also think this book would make a smashing audio book and I’m looking forward to that. I gave “Something I Am Not” a 5-star rating. As a first-time published, award winning author, Cher has hit it out of the park! Congratulations!!
July 6, 2024
Finished this a while ago, but just now writing a review.
5 stars 100%!!!!
I am amazed at the author's ability to portray the ugliest sides of humanity WITHOUT becoming too graphic or explicit. However, this still isn't an "easy" read. I cried, I was fueled with anger at times, I was disgusted.
But the story was powerful.
Billy's fight to protect himself and, even more so, his brother and the victims around him, was inspiring. I recommend this for anyone wanting to learn more about human trafficking and abuse, and understand a little bit of what victims and survivors go through. It isn't a pretty story, and unfortunately it is slightly unrealistic in the fact that not many victims of human trafficking have the happy ending Billy did, but it is still a powerful, inspiring read.
-EMW, The Wordsmith's Edge
5 stars 100%!!!!
I am amazed at the author's ability to portray the ugliest sides of humanity WITHOUT becoming too graphic or explicit. However, this still isn't an "easy" read. I cried, I was fueled with anger at times, I was disgusted.
But the story was powerful.
Billy's fight to protect himself and, even more so, his brother and the victims around him, was inspiring. I recommend this for anyone wanting to learn more about human trafficking and abuse, and understand a little bit of what victims and survivors go through. It isn't a pretty story, and unfortunately it is slightly unrealistic in the fact that not many victims of human trafficking have the happy ending Billy did, but it is still a powerful, inspiring read.
-EMW, The Wordsmith's Edge
January 21, 2019
Hauntingly captivating! Cher has managed to integrate suspense, plot twists, and even romance, while tackling a tough subject-human trafficking. This book is not for the faint of heart, but you'll find yourself rooting for Billy from page one. And because of that, I didn't want to put it down.
Marketed in the YA or NA (New Adult) genre, I think Something I Am Not would definitely appeal to an older audience, as it deals with some tough subject matter. While not graphic in nature, Cher manages to allude to the obvious in a tactful way.
Something I Am Not is expertly written. I am a stickler for details, and I catch not only grammatical errors in books, but character flaws/plot errors that make me say, "Oh come on, where was the editor?" I found not one discrepancy in Cher's writing, which shows me that she is not only a professional, but dedicated to her craft with the highest amount of integrity.
(I received an advance copy from the publisher)
Marketed in the YA or NA (New Adult) genre, I think Something I Am Not would definitely appeal to an older audience, as it deals with some tough subject matter. While not graphic in nature, Cher manages to allude to the obvious in a tactful way.
Something I Am Not is expertly written. I am a stickler for details, and I catch not only grammatical errors in books, but character flaws/plot errors that make me say, "Oh come on, where was the editor?" I found not one discrepancy in Cher's writing, which shows me that she is not only a professional, but dedicated to her craft with the highest amount of integrity.
(I received an advance copy from the publisher)
January 4, 2019
I thought in the beginning of the book that I wasn't going to like it... I have no interest in boxing. Because of that, the first couple chapters seemed rather slow but by the time I was a quarter of the way through the book I was so engrossed that I found myself hoping the end was a long way off. Something I Am Not drew me in deeply and didn't let go. In places it's difficult to read of the abuse, but the story is compelling. I couldn't put it down. Thank you, Cher Gatto, for this moving story. I will be recommending it to my friends who enjoy a great tale. (I received an Advance Reader Copy from the publisher.)
January 11, 2019
Human trafficking and boxing are not subjects that would persuade me to read a book. There are so many safer subjects to read and write. As soon as I picked up my advance reader’s copy I had to read from beginning to end. The story line is well written weaving the depravity of man with several redeeming characters.
The statistics state that 2 to 4 million individuals are trafficked each year. Half of them are children between 11 and 14 years old. I state these facts because the main character, Billy, is a victim of human trafficking. He displays many of the physical and mental characteristics that result from that life.
This is the story of a 17 year old boy coming of age in a dark world countered with the positive influence of his high school principal.
I will not divulge the ending. Sadly, it is not the norm. I do wish this were true for more victims. It would be interesting to read a follow up to Bill’s story.
The statistics state that 2 to 4 million individuals are trafficked each year. Half of them are children between 11 and 14 years old. I state these facts because the main character, Billy, is a victim of human trafficking. He displays many of the physical and mental characteristics that result from that life.
This is the story of a 17 year old boy coming of age in a dark world countered with the positive influence of his high school principal.
I will not divulge the ending. Sadly, it is not the norm. I do wish this were true for more victims. It would be interesting to read a follow up to Bill’s story.
January 17, 2019
Riveting! Compelling! I read the advanced author copy, and could not put it down. The unexpected twists, the descriptive settings, the emotional connection to the protagonist - all make for an incredible story of forgiveness and redemption.
April 23, 2020
This book can be summed up in one word: POWERFUL. This is not a light-hearted, uplifting story. Although there are moments of hope and good, Something I Am Not is filled with pain and with the horrors and torment the depravity of sinful and greedy people inflict on those who can’t defend themselves. Or those who are so starved for affirmation, acknowledgement, or affection from the people in their lives.
While Cher Gatto doesn’t go into gruesome detail of all the abuse Billy suffers at the hands of others in his life, the nuances are there to give readers a pretty good idea of the many forms of abuse extracted on him. And when he loses his places of escape, the oppression deepens.
Gatto’s debut is thought provoking, emotional, and absolutely soul-wrenching.
Sometimes in my comfortable life in my comfortable home, it’s easy to forget about those who don’t have that reality. And that’s something that’s been on my heart and mind these last couple of months for those people who are now at home with no escape from their abusers.
I wish everyone had a Dan or a Jersey in their lives. People who show unconditional acceptance and love no matter your past. I pray God uses me as that person for someone who has been beaten down by the hands, the words, or the actions of others.
Disclosure statement: I voluntarily reviewed a complimentary copy of this book and was not required to write a positive review. All opinions are my own.
While Cher Gatto doesn’t go into gruesome detail of all the abuse Billy suffers at the hands of others in his life, the nuances are there to give readers a pretty good idea of the many forms of abuse extracted on him. And when he loses his places of escape, the oppression deepens.
Gatto’s debut is thought provoking, emotional, and absolutely soul-wrenching.
Sometimes in my comfortable life in my comfortable home, it’s easy to forget about those who don’t have that reality. And that’s something that’s been on my heart and mind these last couple of months for those people who are now at home with no escape from their abusers.
I wish everyone had a Dan or a Jersey in their lives. People who show unconditional acceptance and love no matter your past. I pray God uses me as that person for someone who has been beaten down by the hands, the words, or the actions of others.
Disclosure statement: I voluntarily reviewed a complimentary copy of this book and was not required to write a positive review. All opinions are my own.
April 7, 2022
Has mature themes. Best for ages 16+.
July 8, 2020
I would normally not choose to read a novel like Something I am Not because boxing isn’t very interesting to me. I chose to read it, in part, as it deals with overcoming abuse. Billy learns to forgive himself and all the other people who used him.
This is not a book to read if you are looking for a lighthearted escape. However, it is a great book to read if you want to remember that God is in your life.
I enjoyed the realistic details Cher Gatto includes in her writing that make scenes have more impact. It felt like I was there watching the story unfold. Another great aspect to her writing is that there is no profanity in this book. That is very hard to do with the rough characters and situations here but she does it well.
The story got my attention three fourths of the way through. It was Billy’s experience recognizing God’s hand in multiple points of his life that really is my favorite part. The novel ended happily considering all the heartache the main character experienced.
I looked at Cher Gatto’s website and was interested in the description of her next book. The plot sounds fascinating. I plan to read Regent after it is released!
There were too many things to say that would spoil this book so I will finish by just encouraging you to read Something I am Not if this fits your reading style and needs.
I received a free advanced reader copy of this book. All opinions are completely my own. Originally posted on Book of Ruth Ann!
This is not a book to read if you are looking for a lighthearted escape. However, it is a great book to read if you want to remember that God is in your life.
I enjoyed the realistic details Cher Gatto includes in her writing that make scenes have more impact. It felt like I was there watching the story unfold. Another great aspect to her writing is that there is no profanity in this book. That is very hard to do with the rough characters and situations here but she does it well.
The story got my attention three fourths of the way through. It was Billy’s experience recognizing God’s hand in multiple points of his life that really is my favorite part. The novel ended happily considering all the heartache the main character experienced.
I looked at Cher Gatto’s website and was interested in the description of her next book. The plot sounds fascinating. I plan to read Regent after it is released!
There were too many things to say that would spoil this book so I will finish by just encouraging you to read Something I am Not if this fits your reading style and needs.
I received a free advanced reader copy of this book. All opinions are completely my own. Originally posted on Book of Ruth Ann!
June 5, 2021
I probably need to wait until I have fully thought about this book but I just wanna say it was breathtakingly beautiful while also exploring the deepest part of my utter most being. I felt to really connected to this character almost as if I was him. His life although very sad and perverted paved a pathway to the joy that had been there all along. I was so shocked to find out he was really the principal's kid all along. The pain that those women put him through was almost unbearable to read but gave me so much relief when he was finally freed. The end was satisfying and gave me tears of joy and relief that he finally had a new life.
This book will definitely change you inside and out.
This book will definitely change you inside and out.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
January 28, 2019
Something I Am Not by Cher Gatto is gripping, thought provoking and emotional. Weaving in and out of hope and despair, the reader is caught up in the twists and turns, seeing an end in sight to the injustice and pain only to have it twist again to an even worse situation. Throughout the book you have a glimpse of God's subtle presence and influence on Billy as he is taken into the world of human trafficking. You also see how the Lord restores what is taken in the surprising ending.
I was given an Advanced Readers .PDF
I was given an Advanced Readers .PDF
January 21, 2019
Wow! Powerful, relevant story that book clubs will devour and won’t be able to stop talking about. Cher Gatto’s distinct voice dances with a powerful narrative and unexpected twists, making you unable to put this book down. Billy’s journey is so much more than self-discovery; it’s about selflessness and survival. This story will blow your mind and make you wonder how this type of scenario can be happening in our country. It will make you consider the lies you have believed in your own life, and search for redemption that is available to us all.
April 25, 2020
Cher Gatto does an excellent job of writing about immensely complicated topics while also telling a story of hope and redemption. Billy McQueen's story is captivating and incredibly difficult to put down. This book is a sobering reminder that human-trafficking is a very real and very present evil.
Due to the mature themes of this novel, I would not recommend for young readers. Although it does contain suggestive content, it is fairly mild compared to most books of this nature. Also, there was use of mild language or beginning phrases. Most would not be bothered by these instances; however, more sensitive readers might!
*I voluntarily reviewed a complimentary copy of this book which I received from the author. All views expressed are only my honest opinion.
Due to the mature themes of this novel, I would not recommend for young readers. Although it does contain suggestive content, it is fairly mild compared to most books of this nature. Also, there was use of mild language or beginning phrases. Most would not be bothered by these instances; however, more sensitive readers might!
*I voluntarily reviewed a complimentary copy of this book which I received from the author. All views expressed are only my honest opinion.
September 6, 2021
I didn’t devour this book, this book devoured me. I started reading on my way to bed, and next thing I knew I was trapped inside the story like Jonah inside the belly of the fish. (Thankfully it wasn’t three days and three nights before I returned to dry land, only 24 hours.)
I read the first half until after midnight, then sat and cried for the emotions that, like Jonah’s fish in the water, loomed larger and larger in the story before finally breaking the surface between fiction and reality. That’s enough for one night, I told myself as I crawled back into bed. But the light didn’t go off until 2:00, after I skimmed the entire second half of the book. I finished really reading the next day.
I applaud the author for boldly writing a beautiful, gripping work of Christian fiction that
• doesn’t have a Christian main character or a clear conversion scene
• carries Christian themes loud and clear but never in-your-face or preachy
• shows Christian characters facing struggles just like non-Christian characters
• doesn’t shy away from the dark side of humanity (i.e., reality)
• balances dark and gritty topics and themes with hope, light, and redemption
• handles difficult and suggestive content with discretion and tact.
The author calls Something I Am Not a YA book with adult themes, and I agree. The story revolves around human trafficking and includes both physical and sexual abuse. Any sexual content, however, is often left unsaid. By allowing the reader to infer rather than sit through scenes of graphic detail, the author not only keeps the book appropriate for the YA audience but also demonstrates masterful understanding of the technique “less is more”--which, in my opinion, only heightens the impact of this kind of story. I understood fully what was going on, without too much guidance from the narrative, and I never thought anything I shouldn’t think or came away with feelings I shouldn’t have.
If you want to talk feelings, though, be prepared for the full gamut: I’m certain I experienced every shade of shock, repulsion, grief, anger, relief, hope, excitement, and satisfaction between the covers of this book. What broke my heart in the middle—and left me in tears that night—was knowing the scenes and emotions I was reading are real in so many lives. Take note: this is not a read for the emotionally fainthearted. (It is so worth it though!)
Besides the emotions, it was so easy to get lost in this story. The setting—all the settings—seemed tangibly real, from Max’s packed bar and Billy’s tranquil river to Adelia’s grand yacht and Dan’s refurnished church building. The author employs plenty of great sensory details that bring every place and experience to life in remarkably vivid ways. Everywhere the story took me, I felt like I was 100% there.
And the characters. The author gives just enough little details of appearance, habit, personality, or backstory to make each character stand out—both in the story and in the imagination—as a fully 3D person. I could SEE not just who they were on the surface but who they were inside, at the core of their humanity: why they are who they are, what they felt, what made them feel that way, etc. I don’t think I’ve read another book that allows so many emotional connections to so many characters. Everyone in the cast felt like they just stepped out of real life into the pages of the book.
Sometimes the writing seemed a little stiff. Obviously Billy is not Percy Jackson--and neither is the writing style--but a few times I thought the words could have been smaller, the imagery simpler, and the flow smoother for the first-person narrative of a teenage boy. Since the story takes place in past tense, however, and Billy himself is a deep character, I didn’t question the mature voice and overall enjoyed the descriptive, thoughtful writing.
I only struggled—my first read-through—to make sense of a few chapters near the end when new people, places, and revelations came together in unexpected ways. The author doesn’t spell everything out, so readers will have to take the extra step put some pieces together. (In my opinion, that’s part of the fun of reading.)
The ending itself came out of nowhere like a left hook. (Never in a million years did I see it coming.) At first I wasn’t sure whether I liked it or not, but as the last warps of the story straightened out, I decided I liked the pattern after all. It’s beautiful in the human realm, and when you bring in the potential spiritual allegory mentioned in the author’s note, it becomes that much more powerful.
Billy’s story isn’t always easy to swallow, but it’s deep and it’s powerful and it’s authentic, and not just because it represents so many true stories (not all of which have the same ending, unfortunately). It asks the question “What do you do with your brokenness” and shows answers from not just the abused teenager but also the grieving pastor, the hurt pastor’s wife, the retired boxing star, the rejected beauty. We all are broken, we just handle that brokenness in different ways—and when we choose to trust God, we let Him do the miraculous healing work only He can accomplish.
I’m excited to share Something I Am Not as one of the most emotionally gripping books I’ve ever read. Because of the adult-themed content and its centrality to the story, I wouldn’t recommend this book to young readers or readers trying to avoid triggers. But I still highly recommend it in general. We need to read these stories, need to be aware of what goes on, need to be challenged by the spiritual truths and lessons woven into Billy’s journey.
Read Something I Am Not. It will change you.
I read the first half until after midnight, then sat and cried for the emotions that, like Jonah’s fish in the water, loomed larger and larger in the story before finally breaking the surface between fiction and reality. That’s enough for one night, I told myself as I crawled back into bed. But the light didn’t go off until 2:00, after I skimmed the entire second half of the book. I finished really reading the next day.
I applaud the author for boldly writing a beautiful, gripping work of Christian fiction that
• doesn’t have a Christian main character or a clear conversion scene
• carries Christian themes loud and clear but never in-your-face or preachy
• shows Christian characters facing struggles just like non-Christian characters
• doesn’t shy away from the dark side of humanity (i.e., reality)
• balances dark and gritty topics and themes with hope, light, and redemption
• handles difficult and suggestive content with discretion and tact.
The author calls Something I Am Not a YA book with adult themes, and I agree. The story revolves around human trafficking and includes both physical and sexual abuse. Any sexual content, however, is often left unsaid. By allowing the reader to infer rather than sit through scenes of graphic detail, the author not only keeps the book appropriate for the YA audience but also demonstrates masterful understanding of the technique “less is more”--which, in my opinion, only heightens the impact of this kind of story. I understood fully what was going on, without too much guidance from the narrative, and I never thought anything I shouldn’t think or came away with feelings I shouldn’t have.
If you want to talk feelings, though, be prepared for the full gamut: I’m certain I experienced every shade of shock, repulsion, grief, anger, relief, hope, excitement, and satisfaction between the covers of this book. What broke my heart in the middle—and left me in tears that night—was knowing the scenes and emotions I was reading are real in so many lives. Take note: this is not a read for the emotionally fainthearted. (It is so worth it though!)
Besides the emotions, it was so easy to get lost in this story. The setting—all the settings—seemed tangibly real, from Max’s packed bar and Billy’s tranquil river to Adelia’s grand yacht and Dan’s refurnished church building. The author employs plenty of great sensory details that bring every place and experience to life in remarkably vivid ways. Everywhere the story took me, I felt like I was 100% there.
And the characters. The author gives just enough little details of appearance, habit, personality, or backstory to make each character stand out—both in the story and in the imagination—as a fully 3D person. I could SEE not just who they were on the surface but who they were inside, at the core of their humanity: why they are who they are, what they felt, what made them feel that way, etc. I don’t think I’ve read another book that allows so many emotional connections to so many characters. Everyone in the cast felt like they just stepped out of real life into the pages of the book.
Sometimes the writing seemed a little stiff. Obviously Billy is not Percy Jackson--and neither is the writing style--but a few times I thought the words could have been smaller, the imagery simpler, and the flow smoother for the first-person narrative of a teenage boy. Since the story takes place in past tense, however, and Billy himself is a deep character, I didn’t question the mature voice and overall enjoyed the descriptive, thoughtful writing.
I only struggled—my first read-through—to make sense of a few chapters near the end when new people, places, and revelations came together in unexpected ways. The author doesn’t spell everything out, so readers will have to take the extra step put some pieces together. (In my opinion, that’s part of the fun of reading.)
The ending itself came out of nowhere like a left hook. (Never in a million years did I see it coming.) At first I wasn’t sure whether I liked it or not, but as the last warps of the story straightened out, I decided I liked the pattern after all. It’s beautiful in the human realm, and when you bring in the potential spiritual allegory mentioned in the author’s note, it becomes that much more powerful.
Billy’s story isn’t always easy to swallow, but it’s deep and it’s powerful and it’s authentic, and not just because it represents so many true stories (not all of which have the same ending, unfortunately). It asks the question “What do you do with your brokenness” and shows answers from not just the abused teenager but also the grieving pastor, the hurt pastor’s wife, the retired boxing star, the rejected beauty. We all are broken, we just handle that brokenness in different ways—and when we choose to trust God, we let Him do the miraculous healing work only He can accomplish.
I’m excited to share Something I Am Not as one of the most emotionally gripping books I’ve ever read. Because of the adult-themed content and its centrality to the story, I wouldn’t recommend this book to young readers or readers trying to avoid triggers. But I still highly recommend it in general. We need to read these stories, need to be aware of what goes on, need to be challenged by the spiritual truths and lessons woven into Billy’s journey.
Read Something I Am Not. It will change you.
April 10, 2025
A friend, after beta reading my own novel, sent this book to me as a Christmas present, saying I would enjoy the gritty storyline, characters, and setting. Yes, I enjoyed it, but I may also never be the same again.
17-year-old Billy McQueen is the star high school quarterback, popular with his friends, the crush of all the schoolgirls, and with just enough of a wild streak to keep him in and out of the principal’s office.
But his bruises and injuries aren’t from football, his friends don’t hang out at his place, the crushes aren’t all innocent, and his poor grades aren’t from careless studying.
Billy’s nights are spent working at his father’s exclusive boxing club. Sometimes his bruises come from being in the ring, other times, they come from his drunk and abusive father. “Foreign exchange students” live upstairs, fights are rigged, and alcohol and illegal substances trade hands. Preyed upon by his father’s girlfriend, school is Billy’s only escape. But when Billy turns 18, his life takes another hellish turn: his father brings home an 8-year-old boy, Billy’s half brother. Trapped into compliance, Billy will do anything to protect his little brother - even if it means giving up the chance for freedom.
Pros: I could not put this book down. While the subject matter was beyond tragic, the characters were so real, you couldn’t help but be invested in their lives. I kept turning the pages, hoping for hope. And hope was there. Through all the darkness, the light of Christ shown through. The ending almost had me in tears.
Cons: Yes, the subject matter is dark, but the author kept things PG-13. I highly recommend this book, but younger, sensitive readers should probably wait to read it. Human trafficking and abuse are real issues that are often ignored by authors and readers alike. Sweeping it under the rug won’t make it go away. Kudos to the author for shining a light in the darkness and offering hope.
Bottom line: A gritty suspense novel that takes readers through the hell of human trafficking and then back out into the light of hope.
July 8, 2020
This is not an easy feel good kind of book. In fact it is one of the hardest stories I have ever read. It drips with raw emotions and sends readers to a place where evil lurks. There has been news reports and documentaries about human trafficking, but this book goes deeper. It goes to the under belly of darkness and exposes the truth that no one is immune from pain, desperation and a loss of hope.
Billy is a character that I wanted to rescue myself. I wanted to barge in the room, knock Max to the ground and tell Billy he was safe. The author lets us see inside a world where power controls people and their love of money devours their soul. Billy has been beaten all his life but his loyalty to Max is honorable. He knows God but I think he wondered where he was at times. The abuse is constant and savage yet Billy continues to draw strength from inside.
The scenes are graphic at times but is necessary to understand the emotional and physical abuse a person goes through. I have no good words to say about Max. He is an abusive, power hungry person who sees Billy as a way out of situations. I can’t even fathom how a “parent” could sell their child knowing the atmosphere they were placing them in. Max oozes with darkness and has no remorse for the torture he endures Billy to.
I admired Billy and his determination to survive. He is someone who knows that the truth will set him free. His journey is heartbreaking yet I feel it helped him grow closer to God. I don’t want to go into much detail about the story because readers need to experience it for themselves. Billy makes difficult decisions which define his future. There are a few surprises in the story which helped explained the ending. I admire the author for writing a story that not only exposes evil, but shows us that there is hope.
“But nothing-not wicked men or even demons that haunt you-can take you out of God’s hands.”
I received a copy of this book from Celebrate Lit. The review is my own opinion.
Billy is a character that I wanted to rescue myself. I wanted to barge in the room, knock Max to the ground and tell Billy he was safe. The author lets us see inside a world where power controls people and their love of money devours their soul. Billy has been beaten all his life but his loyalty to Max is honorable. He knows God but I think he wondered where he was at times. The abuse is constant and savage yet Billy continues to draw strength from inside.
The scenes are graphic at times but is necessary to understand the emotional and physical abuse a person goes through. I have no good words to say about Max. He is an abusive, power hungry person who sees Billy as a way out of situations. I can’t even fathom how a “parent” could sell their child knowing the atmosphere they were placing them in. Max oozes with darkness and has no remorse for the torture he endures Billy to.
I admired Billy and his determination to survive. He is someone who knows that the truth will set him free. His journey is heartbreaking yet I feel it helped him grow closer to God. I don’t want to go into much detail about the story because readers need to experience it for themselves. Billy makes difficult decisions which define his future. There are a few surprises in the story which helped explained the ending. I admire the author for writing a story that not only exposes evil, but shows us that there is hope.
“But nothing-not wicked men or even demons that haunt you-can take you out of God’s hands.”
I received a copy of this book from Celebrate Lit. The review is my own opinion.
July 9, 2020
I am going to start off by saying that if you are someone who is looking for a quick and light read, a book to enjoy while on vacation at the beach, or to read at night after a long and taxing day, Something I am Not is not the book for you.
HOWEVER, if you are looking for something emotional, something life-changing, something that will pull on your heartstrings, that has a good, strong message, but a long, hard journey to get to that message, then this book is the one for you.
Something I Am Not was a difficult book to read. Not because I didn’t like the story. Not because I didn’t like the writing. Cher Gatto is a very talented author and presented the story beautifully. But it was hard to read because it was about a boy only a couple years younger than me who was abused his whole life. Because it dealt with things like human trafficking and abuse and a myriad of other things. Because of its graphic scenes and moments. Because of the life that Billy McQueen lived. And the saddest part of it all, the realization you have as you read about Billy’s life that, while Billy is a fictional character, there are many, many people who live similar lives who are very much real.
I loved this book. It was emotional and heavy and dark. There were times I cried for Billy. For his brother. For other people he meets in this story. It made me angry that what happens in the book happens today. And I would highly recommend this book to anybody. Yes, it’s emotional, but it does have a very good message, it is hopeful, and it brings to light an evil in this world that needs more awareness.
I had received a copy of this book as part of the Celebrate Lit Blogging Team and was required to give an honest review.
HOWEVER, if you are looking for something emotional, something life-changing, something that will pull on your heartstrings, that has a good, strong message, but a long, hard journey to get to that message, then this book is the one for you.
Something I Am Not was a difficult book to read. Not because I didn’t like the story. Not because I didn’t like the writing. Cher Gatto is a very talented author and presented the story beautifully. But it was hard to read because it was about a boy only a couple years younger than me who was abused his whole life. Because it dealt with things like human trafficking and abuse and a myriad of other things. Because of its graphic scenes and moments. Because of the life that Billy McQueen lived. And the saddest part of it all, the realization you have as you read about Billy’s life that, while Billy is a fictional character, there are many, many people who live similar lives who are very much real.
I loved this book. It was emotional and heavy and dark. There were times I cried for Billy. For his brother. For other people he meets in this story. It made me angry that what happens in the book happens today. And I would highly recommend this book to anybody. Yes, it’s emotional, but it does have a very good message, it is hopeful, and it brings to light an evil in this world that needs more awareness.
I had received a copy of this book as part of the Celebrate Lit Blogging Team and was required to give an honest review.
July 15, 2020
This book was extremely intense! From abuse to human trafficking to faked deaths and more, this book had a lot to offer.
Billy believes himself to be Max’s son, yet he struggles with the abuse he suffers from Max. This book holds nothing back in dealing with children sold for sex. Yet Billy is surrounded by people who care for him in the way of his high school principal Dan and his best friend Jersey. Suffering the abuse he did, Billy doubts his own self worth. Yet helping others including an 8-year-old boy he believes to be his brother as well as some girls leads him down a different path than what Max intended.
As I read this book, I felt every emotion Billy experienced as well as those around him. The world-building is incredible. I truly felt I was in the story as I was reading. Never having had a child die, I can not imagine the grief Dan and his wife Kelly must have experienced.
I have to say I would love to see a sequel to this book that explores what happens to Dan, Kelly, Billy, Toby, and Jersey. I think Billy has an incredible future ahead of him being blessed by God with his life and his family.
So if you do not mind reading intense young adult novels that are not all sunshine and rainbows, but are ones that truly exemplify God’s mercy and love for His people, check out this book for yourself.
I received a complimentary copy of this book from CelebrateLit, this in no way influenced my review. All opinions are my own.
Billy believes himself to be Max’s son, yet he struggles with the abuse he suffers from Max. This book holds nothing back in dealing with children sold for sex. Yet Billy is surrounded by people who care for him in the way of his high school principal Dan and his best friend Jersey. Suffering the abuse he did, Billy doubts his own self worth. Yet helping others including an 8-year-old boy he believes to be his brother as well as some girls leads him down a different path than what Max intended.
As I read this book, I felt every emotion Billy experienced as well as those around him. The world-building is incredible. I truly felt I was in the story as I was reading. Never having had a child die, I can not imagine the grief Dan and his wife Kelly must have experienced.
I have to say I would love to see a sequel to this book that explores what happens to Dan, Kelly, Billy, Toby, and Jersey. I think Billy has an incredible future ahead of him being blessed by God with his life and his family.
So if you do not mind reading intense young adult novels that are not all sunshine and rainbows, but are ones that truly exemplify God’s mercy and love for His people, check out this book for yourself.
I received a complimentary copy of this book from CelebrateLit, this in no way influenced my review. All opinions are my own.
July 11, 2020
Something I am Not is a powerful story of loss, danger, healing, and redemption. It’s life and it’s hard. This story was hard to read but I couldn’t stop. I know it says it’s a young adult fiction title but I’m not sure I want my kids to read this book. It’s intense. There is so much pain and abuse.
I enjoyed reading how the book came to be and where the influence for the book came from. I fear this is really a hard subject to study but it’s also a subject that is prevalent in our world. There is so much going on that we don’t understand or know about. In our area, we are aware of human trafficking as a major interstate that is used for this purpose runs near us.
This is a book that I can recommend but that I also want to say please know what’s in the book. There is a lot of abuse and things that might trigger someone so take care if you’ve had a hard past yourself. This book is wonderfully written and just really does make you need to read the whole thing.
I have voluntarily reviewed a complimentary copy of this book which I received from Celebrate Lit. All views expressed are only my honest opinion. I was not required to write a positive review nor was I compensated in any other way. All opinions expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the FTC regulations.
I enjoyed reading how the book came to be and where the influence for the book came from. I fear this is really a hard subject to study but it’s also a subject that is prevalent in our world. There is so much going on that we don’t understand or know about. In our area, we are aware of human trafficking as a major interstate that is used for this purpose runs near us.
This is a book that I can recommend but that I also want to say please know what’s in the book. There is a lot of abuse and things that might trigger someone so take care if you’ve had a hard past yourself. This book is wonderfully written and just really does make you need to read the whole thing.
I have voluntarily reviewed a complimentary copy of this book which I received from Celebrate Lit. All views expressed are only my honest opinion. I was not required to write a positive review nor was I compensated in any other way. All opinions expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the FTC regulations.
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