İçedönüklerin Gizli Yaşamı

by Jenn Granneman, Selin Can Özdemir (Translator)

“Neyin var? Neden suratın asık? Üzgün müsün?”
Bazen bir partide, bazen işyerinde bazen bir aile yemeğinde bu sorulara sık sık maruz kalıyor olabilirsiniz. Sakin doğanızı sıkıcılık ve utangaçlıkla ilişkilendirenler olabilir. Çünkü siz bir içedönüksünüz ve toplumun çoğunluğu içedönüklüğün nasıl bir şey olduğunu tam olarak bilmiyor.

Kendisi de bir içedönük olan Jenn Granneman’ın hem anlaşılmayan, görmezden gelinen, hatta kimi zaman reddedilen tüm içedönükler için hem de içedönük arkadaşlarını ve aile üyelerini anlamak isteyen dışadönükler için söyleyecekleri var. İçedönükler ne düşünür, nasıl hisseder, neleri arzular, iş ve aşk hayatını nasıl idare eder? İçedönüklerin Gizli Yaşamıkitabında Granneman tüm bu soruların derinlerine iniyor, kimi zaman bilimsel araştırmalardan yararlanarak kimi zaman diğer içedönükler ve uzmanlarla yaptığı röportajlarla içedönüklerin zihninin işleyişini anlatıyor.

Genres: Nonfiction, Psychology, Self Help, Audiobook, Personal Development, Science, Relationships

272 pages, Paperback

First published August 1, 2017

About the author

Jenn Granneman is on a mission: to let introverts everywhere know it’s okay to be who they are. She has advocated for introverts since 2013, when she created IntrovertDear.com, the popular online community and publication for introverts. For most of her life, she felt weird, different, and out of place because of her quiet ways; now, she writes about introversion because she doesn’t want other introverts to feel the way she did. Jenn lives in Minnesota, and no, she doesn't want to go out this weekend.

Reviews

[Greta G · Rating 4 out of 5]

He : “What book did you read?”
Me : “Oh, some book about introversion.”
He : “You didn’t tell me much about it.”
Me : “Mmmm ... Hahaha!”

[Schizanthus Nerd · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not to brag or anything but my platinum Introvert membership card was recently upgraded to diamond status by scoring 100% on Jenn Granneman's signs I may be an introvert. You're more than welcome to join our club. We meet in a quiet coffee shop that's closed to the general public during our meeting once every blue moon when all three of the people of our offshoot of the organisation hasn't already had too many meetings or been peopled out that week. Actually, you're more likely to find us at home reading or Netflix and chilling (although chances are we are really binge watching and relaxing) and texting you.

Famous introverts are listed in this book and include J.K. Rowling, Felicia Day, Audrey Hepburn, Dr Seuss, Ernest Hemingway and Steve Wozniak, so if you've ever had introvert shame, throw it off and know you're in excellent company. If you're not sure if you are an introvert, some of the following may be signs that you are:
* "You do your best thinking when you're alone"
* "You often feel lonelier in a crowd than when you're alone"
* "You're better at writing your thoughts than speaking them"
* "You avoid small talk whenever possible".

If you're not an introvert yourself then I'm sure you know one. We're the blur you see escaping social events after our social meter maxes out. We're the ones who will be incredibly passionate and talk with you at length if you've managed to navigate your way through the labyrinth, cross the disintegrating rope bridge suspended above the lava lake and scale the mountain past the dragons to reach our inner core of trust. If you'll failed to make your way into our inner friendship sanctum then we will most likely struggle to provide a coherent one word answer to your questions. Or maybe that's just me??

Jenn's message to the world is that it's okay to be an introvert. I've personally celebrated my introvertism introvertness superstar introvert powers for many years, despite the extrovert evangelists surrounding me telling me I wasn't good enough, chatty enough, smiley enough, basically any kind of enough. Seriously, they were actual evangelists, pastors even, who loved to tell me in great detail how much I sucked because I didn't fit their mould. Needless to say, they're happily hanging out in their mould and I broke away from their abuse abuse (yep, claiming it for what it was) and I've never been more at peace with myself than I am now. I definitely don't see horns on every extrovert's head. This is just an example of what doesn't work if you're an extrovert trying not so subtly to convert an introvert.

In The Secret Lives of Introverts Jenn Granneman takes us on a journey into the minds of introverts everywhere and shines a light on what makes us tick; in our mind, in the workplace, as lovers and friends. We learn that we are even different to extroverts on a neurochemical level. Common misconceptions are myth busted, our strengths are celebrated, and we're taught how to turn our weaknesses into attributes that work for, not against, us. Yet this book isn't just aimed at introverts. There are specific sections throughout the book that explain to extroverts why we behave in ways that often baffle them and how they can champion and understand us.

I'm one of those people who practically hiss when labels are thrown about but in this book the introvert/extrovert labels are used to explain, not condemn, and it's made clear that we all sit along a spectrum. No one is completely one or the other. Carl Jung is quoted in the book as saying, "Such a person would be in a lunatic asylum."

My main complaint with this book was that I got sick of hearing about Introvert, Dear, the author's blog/online publishing platform. I would have much preferred for there to be a disclaimer at the beginning of the book saying that all quotes, mentions of articles and surveys were from this source unless otherwise stated.

Instead it sometimes felt like I was going to read somewhere on each page, "in an Introvert, Dear article" and it started to bug me so much that it got to a point where I wondered whether it would have been more useful for me to visit there to pick and choose articles and areas of interest rather than read the book. I got over my annoyance and decided to make it a game instead, like Where's Wally? except it was Where's Introvert, Dear? Perhaps I should have made a rule that allowed me to have a piece of chocolate each time I found the magic words ... 🍫🍫🍫

I found there were some chapters that didn't relate to me or no longer do and it seemed sometimes that the book was aimed at people who are working or in a serious relationship for the first time. However, even the chapters that didn't personally apply to me still held my interest. I'm a sucker for books referenced in other books so I loved that and now have a list of follow up reads to explore.

I received a copy of this book from NetGalley (thank you so much to NetGalley and Skyhorse Publishing for the opportunity) in exchange for honest feedback.

[Ashley · Rating 4 out of 5]

Since reading Susan Cain’s Quiet a few years ago, I’ve been eager to learn more about the topic of Introversion. The Secret Lives of Introverts: Inside Our Hidden World, written by Jenn Granneman, the creator of the site and community Introvertdear.com boasted a unique look on the subject that I’ve been unable to experience through any of my previously read books. I enjoyed the facts and personal accounts of other introverts, as well as the incredible organization of this book. Out of the three books I’ve read about Introversion, I think this one would be most beneficial to Extroverts looking to understand their quiet peers or family members. The science of Introversion is thoroughly explained, without being boring or too highbrowed to understand. Introversion is simply a temperament that cannot be changed, it’s not something many of us can “get over” or shuck to fit in with the Extroverted world. I hope that we can become more accepting and understanding of introverts in our society, especially in American culture. When possibly over half of all people are Introverted, it seems absurd that many of us grow up feeling misunderstood or like outcasts. I hope in the coming years through understanding and education from books like The Secret Lives of Introverts, we are able to break the stigmas that many of us face.

Over time, I have found the author’s website and Facebook pages helpful in discovering more about my personality type and those of my family and friends. Based on my knowledge of the types of articles included on the Introvert Dear website, I knew this book would be a hit for myself and others looking to expand their knowledge on the subject. Opportunely, I was able to do a bit of beta reading for this informational book before it’s release, making me more eager to read the finished product.

Though I have luckily found a fellow Introverted partner in my husband, many Introverts struggle to find that special someone. Despite being married, I found the chapters on dating and relationships to be exceptionally encouraging for those still looking for their match. I think the information in these chapters could be useful in boosting confidence and offering practical advice for those facing the difficulties of dating or meeting people. This was something I hadn’t been able to find in previous books I’ve read, making this text exceptionally useful.
For those of us in relationships, there is a chapter offering relationship advice and troubleshooting for the partnerships we are in. I especially enjoyed the inclusion of explanations about the benefits and challenges of being in an introvert-introvert relationship as well as an introvert-extrovert relationship. The three relationship chapters were the most useful, in my opinion, because this information is often overlooked in many books or online forums.

As I was finishing up my reading of The Secret Lives of Introverts, I was even able to discover one of my own quotes made it to the chapter about our hidden worlds. I had no idea my quote was featured, among those of other introverts, until I read and re-read that specific page, thinking, “Hmm…that sounds like something I would say.” I could barely contain my excitement when I realized the “Ashley” mentioned was, in fact, me! Thank you, Jenn, for finding my hidden world useful enough to mention.

I think people from all walks of life, whether introverted or extroverted will be able to find solace, understanding, or useful information within the pages about the benefits and challenges of being an introvert. If you’re wondering about your own temperament and personality, be sure to pop over to 16Personalities.com and take the Myers-Briggs test to open the door of self-discovery. If you’re like us, and eager to learn more about the mind’s inner workings and the science of personalities, please make certain you pick up this book!

[Agnes · Rating 3 out of 5]

I wanted to love this book and parts of it I really did enjoy, especially the beginning and the end. But there were some parts that I just couldn't stay awake reading and just glanced over. For a young person who thinks they're less than because of their introvert qualities I think this would be a good book. But for someone like me who's falling in love with her introvert qualities and looking for more of a here's why your introversion is your superpower - this is not it.

[Cemre · Rating 1 out of 5]

Bu kitapla birlikte bir kere daha "kişisel gelişim" ya da "popüler psikoloji" türündeki kitapların bana göre olmadığını anladım. Bu türde kitaplar okumamaya devam etmeliyim; çünkü maalesef, benim için vakit ve para kaybından başka bir şey değil.

İçedönüklerin Gizli Yaşamı'nı kitapçıda gördüm, biraz karıştım ve ilgimi çekti. "İçedönük" olarak tanımlanan kişilerin bazı davranışlarının ve hislerinin benimle örtüştüğünü de görünce almak istedim.

Jenn Granneman, kendisini "içedönük" olarak tanımlayan ve bu işe içedönüklere yönelik bir site (Introvert, Dear) hazırlayarak başlayan bir kadın. Kitapta da hem kendisinin hem de bu sitede hikâyesi yayımlanan bazı kişilerin hayatlarından kesitlere, kişilere ve olaylara tepkilerine yer veriyor. Daha sonra da bunlardan yola çıkarak belli genellemeler ortaya koyuyor. Ben bu tip genellemelere karşı olan biriyim. Evet, bir grup insanın sahip oldukları ortak özellikler, onları bir başlık altında toplamamıza yarıyor olabilir; ancak yine de bana bu durum sağlıklı gelmiyor. Herkes, tek; daha doğru ifadeyle "biricik". Yaşadığımız koşullar bambaşka. Dolayısıyla belli bir ülkede yaşayan yüz - iki yüz kişiden yola çıkarak genellemelere ulaşmak kanaatimce sağlıklı değil. Örneğin, Amerikan toplumunda yaşayan bir bireyin bir davranışı sebebiyle onun içedönük olduğu yönünde bir yorum yapılabilecekken Türkiye'de yaşayan bir bireyin aynı davranışı için aynı sonuca ulaşmak mümkün değil diye düşünüyorum. Kitapta bu tür genellemeler bol olduğundan ve kitap, bana göre "yeni" bir şey söylemediğinden hoşuma gitmedi. Verilen "tavsiye"leri siz de verebilirsiniz, ben de verebilirim ve bunun için oturup bir kitap yazmamıza gerek yok. Ayrıca kitapta gereğinden fazla "içedönük insan övgüsü" olduğunu da düşünüyorum; kendisini dışa dönük olarak tanımlayan bir birey de sübjektif olarak tam tersi yönde sonuçlar geliştirebilir.

Sonuç olarak, sevmedim, bu tür kitapları da çok uzun bir zaman dilimi içinde okumayı düşünmüyorum.

[Linda · Rating 2 out of 5]

The book begins with Granneman describing the moment she learned she was an introvert. Specifically, she was relieved that there was a name for it, and that it was normal for her not to be like her extroverted friends. This, of course, made me think back to my childhood, but a trip down memory lane yielded no “Aha!” moment. I always knew I was an introvert, and I didn't have friends or family members who made me feel weird about it. I guess I assumed that since introverts spend so much time in our own heads, that we all had that early self-knowledge, and that none of us wasted time trying to imitate our talkative, outgoing playmates.

The book, then, seems to be mostly an effort to explain introversion to introverts. Is that a necessary thing? Is there such as thing as an introvert who has led an unexamined life? Further, is there enough commonality among introverts to enable anyone to make accurate generalizations? One generalization is certainly possible: introverts prefer sufficient alone time to physically and/or emotionally recharge between social interactions. Beyond that, I'm not sure generalizations are helpful, or accurate. To paraphrase Tolstoy: Extroverts are all alike, introverts are all introverted in their own ways. Yeah, that's probably unfairly painting extroverts with an exceptionally broad brush, but since the world is set up to cater to them, I don't feel too bad about it.

I was interested in the four-types-of-introversion (STAR) quiz. As I just mentioned, I think there are many, many more than four types of introversion, but since I scored in the highest possible level in each of the four categories, I hereby proclaim myself CAPTAIN INTROVERT. (Able to leap tall social obligations in a single bound! Disguised as a mild-mannered cat mom!)

The book could easily have earned another star from me by using humor to illustrate its points. I can only take so much deadly earnest sincerity, then I start making up my own jokes.

Oh, and a few words about ambiverts. You can't have your cake and eat it, too. Pick a side and commit.

[Tahmineh Baradaran · Rating 4 out of 5]

به عنوان یک درون گرای حداکثری و نه صد درصدی ، تمام فرمایشات نویسنده راتایید میکنم . اضافه می کنم که زندگی با درون گرایان آسان نیست وحتی شاید دوستی و همکاری . زندگی برای خود ما هم آسان نیست . همیشه دره ای از سوءتفاهمها و برداشتها بین ما و برون گرایان وجود دارد و این توّهم که درون گرایان علاقه دارند که برون گرا باشند و فشارهای بیرونی برای اینکه مارا ازلاک خود بیرون بیاورند و برایمان نسخه بپیجند و...
خواندن این کتاب برای همه درون گرایان و برون گرایان واجب است . برون گرا که نیازی به بیان درونیات خود ندارد . درونِ او غالبا" برزبانش است . این درون گراست که بایستی همیشه جوابگوی آنچه هست و نیست و می خواهد ونمی خواهد و چراها باشد .

[i · Rating 5 out of 5]

از متن کتاب:درونگرایان در هیچ یک از حیطه های زندگی احساس کامل بودن نمیکنند مگر انکه زندگی بیرونی شان انعکاس زندگی درونی شان باشد. اگر مردم خود واقعی شان،دنیای پنهان درونشان را نبینند،انها احساس خرد شدن
و نارضایتی میکنند.

کتاب دارای ۱۳ فصل هست که یه سری بخشها درمورد خلق و خو درونگراها صحبت میکنه و یه سری دیگه هم یه جور خودیاریه برای این تیپ شخصیتی. من کتاب سکوت از سوزان کین رو هم مطالعه کردم ولی در جایگاه مقایسه این قوی تره.
به نظر من اگر درونگرا نباشید لذت صد درصدی رو نمیبرید .کتاب برای درونگرا ها جذابتره چون احساس همذات پنداری و درک شدن رو درشون ایجاد میکنه و از اونجایی که بیشتر ادما درکمون نمیکنن این خیلی شیرین و جدیده. برای من حداقل
خلاصه اگر درونگرایی بخونش . بعد خوندنش متوجه میشی که جذام نداری فقط درونگرایی!

[emre · Rating 3 out of 5]

Bu kitabı lisedeyken, "ben niye böyleyim?" buhranının doruk zamanlarında okusaymışım daha iyi olurmuş diye düşündüm. Çünkü genel olarak içedönük olmanın kötü bir şey olmadığı hakkında idi ve benim o dönemler böyle bir kitap okumaya fena hâlde ihtiyacım vardı, öyle ya da böyle aradan yıllar geçmiş, çok şükür ki kendimi -yargılamadan- dinlemeye fırsatım olmuş, kitabı da bu gözle değerlendireceğim:

Yazarın kitapta bahsettiği çoğu konuyu beğendim, kendi hayatımdaki bir şeyleri hatırlayarak güldüm, üzüldüm, lakin anlamadığım bir nokta var: İçedönükler genel olarak kendileri, duyguları hakkında çok düşünen, dolayısıyla öz-farkındalığı yüksek bir grup, hâl böyleyken uzun uzun malumu ilan etmek, ucuz kişisel gelişim kitaplarından biri sanılmaya ramak kalmış bir üslupla olumlama çalışmaları yapmaya çalışmak çok yersiz değil mi?

Bir de genel olarak içedönüklükle ilgili çalışmalarda dışadönüklüğü bayağı bulan, dışadönükleri yetersiz, sığ olarak betimlemek suretiyle üstü kapalı içedönüklük güzellemesi yapan bir üslup var ki bu kitapta da sık sık rastladım, rahatsız edici bir şey, çünkü doğadaki her şey gibi içedönüklük ve dışadönüklük de bir denge oluşturuyor bence ve burada bir yarış söz konusu değil.

Sonuçta, kitabı genel olarak hoş, eğlenceli bulsam da hayatın insana yalnızca bir içedönük veya dışadönük olmaktan çok daha fazla hikâye sunduğuna inanıyorum, bu vesileyle popüler psikolojinin çerezlik olarak dahi pek matah gelmediğini yeniden tecrübe etmiş oldum. :)

[Aaron Caycedo-Kimura · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jenn Granneman’s The Secret Lives of Introverts is a book for everyone, introverts and extroverts alike. From the first embrace of chapter one, introverts who have endured the pain of feeling out of place, inadequate, or outright weird, will feel remarkably understood. Jenn shows introverted readers how to “begin working with [their] introversion, rather than fighting against it” through invaluable advice for a variety of life situations. And extroverts will learn secrets to better understand and relate to the introverts in their lives. With up to 50% of the population being introverted, every extrovert is likely to have at least one in their relationship circles. Jenn’s warmth and exceptional ability to connect with her readers makes The Secret Lives of Introverts an enjoyable, validating, and encouraging must read. I love this book, and you will too!

[Clara · Rating 4 out of 5]

As an introvert who falls to the far left on the introvert-extrovert continuum, I wish I'd had this book to read when i was a teenager. Susan Cain's Quiet struck like a lightning bolt, with its research-based view of introversion as a strength, not a liability. Granneman's book adds the voices and experiences of introverts as they navigate a world in which extroversion is perceived as the norm, and introversion an unfortunate characteristic to be overcome. Hearing how these individuals come to terms with the well-meaning misperceptions of others and gain a new appreciation of their differences is a validating experience for any introvert.

[J · Rating 4 out of 5]

Actual rating: 3.5 stars

As an introvert, I found “The Secret Lives of Introverts” an enjoyable read. However, I have already read several books about introversion, so I didn’t learn many new things. There were several beautiful quotes that I found relatable though. Many fellow introvert experiences also tugged at my heartstrings. Lastly, I think that readers who are into self-help would appreciate that Jenn Granneman included many detailed tips for both introverts and extroverts in different situations.

[☘Misericordia☘ ⚡ϟ⚡⛈⚡☁ ❇️❤❣ · Rating 5 out of 5]

Q:
“It’s even more frustrating when I’m told to smile,” she writes. “Thinking isn’t really conducive to smiling, and in my opinion, it would be much stranger if I was pondering to myself with a huge grin on my face rather than my normal, concentrated look. Is it wrong for me to be just thinking? Why should I owe anyone a smile?” (c)

[mahtiel · Rating 4 out of 5]

Given the abundance of literature and online interest the topic of introversion is currently generating, it is not easy to write about it in a non-predictable manner. I always enjoy broadening my knowledge on the subject, since it helps me to manage my own life a lot, but I surely wouldn't spend my time on just anything introvert-related. Also to be honest, Susan Cain's seminal book Quiet is a nerdy masterpiece that I find very hard to rival.

So what new does Jenn Granneman bring to the table? Being a frequent reader of Introvert, Dear, an online community that she started out of her personal blog, I knew that I could expect mostly practical approach towards all the challenges that life throws to us introverts, i.e. having to explain our weirdness of being quiet and low-key, troubles processing and communicating our thoughts, demands in the relationships, school and workplace and so on. Jenn manages to navigate through all this quite elegantly and in a very concise readable manner, while putting in some of her personal experience in a very non-obtrusive way along with testimonies from her readers, friends and experts. It is easily a book that you can enjoy and also refer back to later if it feels like you need to focus on a specific area that might be problematic to you.

Since I could easily tick off the practical aspect of the book, I was mostly touched by Jenn's empathetic approach. She writes like a caring and understanding friend who is giving advice to anyone who struggles. Thankfully, it is done without glorifying introversion over extroversion, but rather by noting the simple pros and cons of everything and calling out to possible pitfalls in every situation. She is able to recognize strength in a perceived weakness, therefore her writing is full of positivity and doesn't get judgemental. I think her mission to prevent introverts from feeling depressed and lonely merely because of their temperament is rather a success. So, the world should only be grateful that Jenn stays at home on a Friday night like a weirdo, if that makes it possible for her to write things like this.

[محمد جمال · Rating 3 out of 5]

قريت نصه بس، وأنا مرضي كده..
الكتاب لذيذ ووافي ومناسب جدا لأولئك اللي مش فاهمين أو بيحاولوا يكتشفوا معنى "انطوائي"، بيحاولوا يكتشفوا نفسهم وأسباب ميلهم للعزلة في أوقات كتير بينما العالم المحيط كله بيهاجمهم على ده وبيطالبهم بالانخراط و"الانبساط" طول الوقت غصب عنهم...
بس... مشكلتي مع الكتاب شخصية، بشكل شخصي مش بستحمل اكتر اسلوب (الحنية والطبطبة) ده بيثير أعصابي..
"حبيبة قلب ماما أحلى انتروفرت في الدنيا ولا ايه؟ ياختشيييي"
الكتاب كله وكأنه موضوع طويل في هافبوست مش في كتاب.. كثير من الطبطبة وشيء من العلم لإضفاء صبغة من الهيبة المفتعلة على الحنية، ده مناسب جداً للي محتاجين يفهمو وعندهم هشاشة فيما يتعلق بحقيقة كونهم انطوائيين، لكنه مرهق لأعصابي، انا محتاج مزيد من الأدبيات اللي بتقول
"الوضع كالتالي........... خذه واتعامل او اولع بجاز، يا تسترجل يا توسع من السكة عشان محدش ناقصك"

بس مازلت برشحه لأي حد محتاج يفهم عن الانتروفرتس بشكل سريع..

[Anusha Narasimhan · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book gives an insider view of the introvert’s inner world and offers tips on leading life as an introvert. Although I was aware of most of the content because I’ve been actively reading up on the topic, it was still a good read. I may have rated it higher if I was new to the topic. If you are someone who hasn't checked out Introvert, Dear and other similar sites, you will enjoy it more.

Note: I received a free copy of the book from the publisher. This has not influenced my review in any way.

[Karen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting book that's organized in a way that's easy to navigate. It strikes me as the perfect book for someone just realizing they're an introvert, or a parent trying to better understand their introverted child.

[hayatem · Rating 4 out of 5]

"لا تدعْ جَهْلَ النّاس بِك يغْلب عِلمَك بنَفْسك."
‏-الإمام علي بن أبي طالب كرم الله وجهه.

من بوابة عالمها ودهاليزه تجول جين عبر سرديات مختلفة عن عالم الانطوائي من عيون ذاتها وتجارب شخصيات انطوائية لتضع للقارئ تصور عن عالم الانطوائي وما يشكل فيه من انقباض وانبساط في ا��تجربة الاجتماعية والذاتية وما يعتمل في الذهن من اضطراب في المناخ الاجتماعي بين حين وآخر لصعوبة الاندماج في العوالم الاجتماعية دون عوائق نفسية أو إنحياز تستميلها سمات متطبعة في ذات الانطوائي ما يعرضه لمواقف محرجة أحياناً أو بمعنى أدق سوء فهم الآخر له وذلك لطبيعته البشرية التي تبدو ظاهرياً مشوشة في التلقي ما يضعه في موضع تساؤل عند الآخر أو يجد صعوبة في التواصل والشرح ( تبرير ذاته) لمحاولته الاندماج وفي ذات الوقت أن يكون ذاته ! كما تدرج بعض النصائح للانطوائيين بشكل مباشر وغير مباشر حول تعلم بعض المهارات الاجتماعية ل التفاعل مع الآخر والتغلب على القلق الاجتماعي أو الهلع والاضطراب الذي يصيب النفس حين يكون في بيئة تفاعلية أو يتحدث أمام الجموع. كذا كيف يتعامل الآخر مع الشخصية الانطوائية في حالات وسياقات مختلفة ويتفهم اختلاف ذهنيته عن ما يتصور أو يتوقع .

[roxi Net · Rating 5 out of 5]

Coming to terms with being an introvert was fairly easy for me, however I was completely sure what it actually meant on life-terms, and I think this book is fairly spot on. I was surprised to find information on how to find the right "partner", introvert-levels, choosing the right career, etc. I appreciated the high-level/detailed explanations (as well as the quizzes and illustrations), and while I'm not sure how it would be to handsell, I can see how it would be a resource for those who want to understand what it means to be an introvert.

[Anubha (BooksFullOfLife, LifeFullOfBooks) · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was a good book and very informative about introverts, with tips for extroverts about how to be friends or partners with introverts. There were various interactive things like a quiz, and the author explained everything through real life researches and examples, had statistical data which really made the content appealing and authentic. One thing that I did confirm through this book that am definitely not an introvert but an ambivert. It was a good read.

[Tara · Rating 5 out of 5]

Can relate so well... nails it!

[Heideblume · Rating 3 out of 5]

Molto buono se a leggerlo è un estroverso che vuole capire meglio la psicologia degli introversi. A questi ultimi, invece, non dice nulla che non sappiano già.

[readbyjulia · Rating 4 out of 5]

W końcu poczułam się zrozumiana, cudowne uczucie.

[Ella Hasel | Knjiški recenzeRAJ · Rating 4 out of 5]

Knjiga koja pomogne introvertima shvatiti i prihvatiti same sebe i ekstrovertima shvatiti svoje prijatelje introvertiće 💕

[Drew Jacob · Rating 5 out of 5]

Disclosure: I was one of the hundreds of introverts that author Jenn Granneman interviewed for this book. I also co-created Introvert Dreams, a coloring book, with Granneman.

The Secret Lives of Introverts is an excellent read. It stands out from other introvert books because Granneman focuses on the personal experiences of real introverts, not just the science behind introversion. She has a background as a journalist and put it to good work: the book is packed with stories from the people she sat down with and talked to.

Nonetheless, the science in the book is sound, and she included a number of experts including psychologists and neuroscientists. Granneman is able to speak as an authority on the subject, as she has been the driving force behind Introvert, Dear for four years—introvert research is her life.

The content of the book ranges from self-discovery to self-help. Many passages are aimed at either helping introverts better understand themselves, or helping others to understand them. It reads in a friendly, caring town, often humorous, never a "thou shalt" set of rules. Granneman is clear that she is not trying to "fix" introverts or make them more extroverted, but simply focused on self-acceptance. It's a message that many introverts need to hear, but if you are looking for a pure research book, this may not be the one for you—she uses data as a backbone from which to hang a more personal narrative.

While the early chapters have a wide focus, later chapters take on more specific topics like introverts in relationships, introverts dating or looking for a partner, or introverts in the workplace. These chapters are situational and I think some readers will jump to the ones that interest them. Reading it cover to cover is fun, but optional.

All in all, I consider this a worthy contribution to the canon of introvert books out there. I am active in the introvert community and I've read many of the newer books in this genre, which is quickly becoming crowded. I like the Secret Lives of Introverts and I believe it outshines many of the other titles out there, many of which are either all fluff/inspiration or laser-focused on a subtopic like relationships or business. I could easily reduce my entire introvert book collection to just three titles: Susan Cain's Quiet, Laurie Helgoe's Introvert Power, and Jenn Granneman's The Secret Lives of Introverts.

[Diane Briones · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love this book! I can identify with so much here: the craving for solitude, the introvert hangover (my maximum comfortable time at gatherings is usually about two hours), the need for deep conversation rather than chit-chat, being misunderstood (no, I'm not upset, I just need to be alone), and on and on. And Resting Sad Face! OMG. At age 50, it is a startlingly gratifying thing to realize that others have had that, too. I truly thought this was something that was simply wrong with me. LOL. For decades now, my mother has smiled at me in the company of others, reminding me to smile to look more approachable...It takes courage to care for one's self according to one's deepest needs and withstand the scrutiny of others. I have learned over years that to live as I need and want to means living within a very rich solitude and "visiting the world of people" and I have learned to smile but ignore those who want me paired off or socializing more often. One thing I am still embracing: It is not selfish to take exquisite care of my sensitivity and introversion by deciding how and when to participate in the world when others seem to be able to handle the stimulation of "normal life" with ease. A HUGE thank you to the author for this book which will surely be a classic in no time. I know you will help so many of us! Please keep writing and sharing your insights.

[Gil]

DNF @ 70%. This is a well-meaning book intended to help introverts understand themselves (and extroverts to understand introverts), presented in the informal style of a blog post or an online article. No surprise, since the author is the founder of the online platform Introvert, Dear, from which most of the ideas in this book are culled. While the style was easy to follow and the content digestible, there's nothing new here about introverts or extroverts that we don't already know from pop culture and social media. Also, the latter part of the book is divided into areas of an introvert's life, such as 'Dating', 'Relationships' and 'Career', the content of which rehashed a lot of tips from the first half of the book. I think this might have worked better by remaining a series of blog posts or by cutting the book in half.

Still, this might be a good introductory read for people who haven't waded through all the articles about introversion and extroversion, since it's accessible and written mainly to help people feel understood.

[Heather · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read this book as the extroverted wife of an introvert. So many things about what the author wrote made me truly appreciate my husband’s personality more. Things that have caused me frustration over the years (I.e. me wanting to stay longer at social events vs. him being drained from making small talk and just wanting to go home early) make more sense now. It’s still going to be a lifelong process of learning how to compromise on my desire to be social and his desire to have recharge time at home, but I want to do better at not always making him come over to my side and to seek to understand why he enjoys alone time and quiet times of reflection.

My main takeaway from the book is that being an extrovert is not superior to being an introvert. Both personality types have pros and cons and unfortunately society tends to overlook introverts because they’re typically quieter than extroverts. But in the case of my husband, quiet does not mean they aren’t extremely deep and thoughtful and sometimes the best people you could ever talk to once you’re invited into their “bubble.”

[Allison Anderson Armstrong · Rating 2 out of 5]

I finished it against my will, but hated almost every second of it. This is a book that justifies and glorifies the "introvertiest" of introverts by explaining how introverts think, feel, and act and why they don't need to try to "change" themselves to become more extroverted. It drew a lot of generalizations and didn't try to encourage introverts to become better or less like themselves - I think that's what we all need to hear - be what you aren't as much as possible (within reason) and that will help you to mature and become more well rounded. This is the message I was hoping would come through, but never did.

[Hind · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book is a compilation of blog posts by whiny people. I don’t know why I bothered. Nothing particularly enlightening.