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The Science of Parenting Adopted Children: A Brain-Based, Trauma-Informed Approach to Cultivating Your Child’s Social, Emotional and Moral Development
Many adoptees join their new families after having endured multiple traumatic experiences, which interrupts their development. Bringing together the latest research in brain science with the field of attachment, this book considers how the two can be linked to help children in healing both the brain and the heart. Laying out the many factors that can affect a child's mental health, it shows how parents can help to improve the development of a delayed child. Accessibly explaining cutting-edge neuroscience for parents, it gives the information needed to help with a traumatised child's social, emotional and moral development.
272 pages, Paperback
Published June 21, 2019
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Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews
November 13, 2021
The author does a great job of explaining how trauma affects the brain and strategies for helping traumatized kids. I definitely plan to return to this book in the future if only for the incredible list of resources in the index.
But be warned that the editing of this book leaves a lot to be desired. As an example, the word “isle” is used for “aisle” three times.
Overall though, highly recommend!
But be warned that the editing of this book leaves a lot to be desired. As an example, the word “isle” is used for “aisle” three times.
Overall though, highly recommend!
September 17, 2026
This feels very similar to The Connected Child or the Connected Parent, but with a deeper exploration of the way that trauma can impact the brain. I didn't find a lot of new info here, but there was a good amount of case studies, which I know can be helpful for parents. The tone did feel a bit odd at times (almost like the author was a touch cold towards the very real trauma that these children face) and I felt like the case studies were often lacking nuance... So this was not my favorite book about parenting children with trauma, and I'd recommend the others I mentioned above this.
The main takeaways here are that behaviors that appear manipulative, oppositional, withdrawn, or unusually immature may be connected to fear, unmet developmental needs, difficulty regulating emotions, or problems trusting caregivers. We should not ask, “How do I get this child to behave differently?” but instead ask, “What developmental skill or sense of safety is missing here, and how can I help the child build it?”
That shift—from behavior control to developmental healing—is probably the most important parenting strategy running through the book. The goal isn't simply obedience; it is helping the child develop the capacity to regulate emotions, trust others, and form healthier relationships.
Practical strategies for
When a child is dysregulated:
Lower your own intensity before attempting to correct the child.
Use a calm, predictable response.
Reduce unnecessary demands during the crisis.
Help the child regulate before expecting reasoning or accountability.
Revisit the issue once the child is calm.
For everyday parenting:
Establish predictable routines.
Give clear, concrete expectations.
Break complicated tasks into smaller steps.
Repeat expectations without turning every interaction into a confrontation.
Build positive connection into ordinary activities.
Notice developmental progress rather than comparing the child with same-age peers.
The main takeaways here are that behaviors that appear manipulative, oppositional, withdrawn, or unusually immature may be connected to fear, unmet developmental needs, difficulty regulating emotions, or problems trusting caregivers. We should not ask, “How do I get this child to behave differently?” but instead ask, “What developmental skill or sense of safety is missing here, and how can I help the child build it?”
That shift—from behavior control to developmental healing—is probably the most important parenting strategy running through the book. The goal isn't simply obedience; it is helping the child develop the capacity to regulate emotions, trust others, and form healthier relationships.
Practical strategies for
When a child is dysregulated:
Lower your own intensity before attempting to correct the child.
Use a calm, predictable response.
Reduce unnecessary demands during the crisis.
Help the child regulate before expecting reasoning or accountability.
Revisit the issue once the child is calm.
For everyday parenting:
Establish predictable routines.
Give clear, concrete expectations.
Break complicated tasks into smaller steps.
Repeat expectations without turning every interaction into a confrontation.
Build positive connection into ordinary activities.
Notice developmental progress rather than comparing the child with same-age peers.
March 17, 2026
This book was very helpful! I read it as part of an adoptive parent book study. The group was led by a counselor who nerded out about the brain research and said that he found the concepts super helpful in dealing with other clients who had experienced trauma, not just adoptees.
For me, I found it helpful to understand what could happen in the future, given that my adopted child is still too young to exhibit a lot of the behaviors talked about in this book. Another member in our group is in the thick of dealing with a lot of issues discussed in this book with upper elementary aged children and he kept saying, “I wish I had known about this book 5 years ago.”
Overall, this book gave a lot of practical ideas and stories to help ground the points being presented. I know I will reference it again as my daughter gets older!
For me, I found it helpful to understand what could happen in the future, given that my adopted child is still too young to exhibit a lot of the behaviors talked about in this book. Another member in our group is in the thick of dealing with a lot of issues discussed in this book with upper elementary aged children and he kept saying, “I wish I had known about this book 5 years ago.”
Overall, this book gave a lot of practical ideas and stories to help ground the points being presented. I know I will reference it again as my daughter gets older!
August 5, 2026
I found this book an interesting read for someone in the process of adopting a child. I learned several things to keep in mind when loving a child from trauma, including some insight into the way their brain processes their situation. I think this book would be better for someone who was adopting an infant or a toddler. As someone preparing to adopt older kids through foster care, it was difficult to find references or examples that related to my situation.
February 26, 2020
Very good
Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews