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What They Meant for Evil: How a Lost Girl of Sudan Found Healing, Peace, and Purpose in the Midst of Suffering

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Many stories have been told about the famous Lost Boys but now, for the first time, a Lost Girl shares her hauntingly beautiful and inspiring story.
One of the first unaccompanied refugee children to enter the United States in 2000, after South Sudan's second civil war took the lives of most of her family, Rebecca's story begins in the late 1980s when, at the age of four, her village was attacked and she had to escape. What They Meant for Evil is the account of that unimaginable journey. With the candor and purity of a child, Rebecca recalls how she endured fleeing from gunfire, suffering through hunger and strength-sapping illnesses, dodging life-threatening predators-lions, snakes, crocodiles, and soldiers alike-that dogged her footsteps, and grappling with a war that stole her childhood.
Her story is a lyrical, captivating portrait of a child hurled into wartime, and how through divine intervention, she came to America and found a new life full of joy, hope, and redemption.

304 pages, Paperback

Published September 8, 2020

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Rebecca Deng

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Displaying 1 - 30 of 155 reviews
Profile Image for Rebecca.
2,355 reviews164 followers
October 25, 2019
"When you speak the truth or the language that the heart understands, the outside differences don't stand a chance."

What a remarkable story of heartache and survival as Rebecca Deng walks her readers through the traumatic events of her childhood. Eye witnessing innumerable atrocities as an orphaned victim of South Sudan's civil war, she lived many years in a desolate Kenyan refugee camp. Selected to travel to the United States through a United Nations' Lost Boys and Girls of Sudan scholarship program, Rebecca was afforded the opportunity to further her education and gain a deeper understanding of God's call upon her life.

Whenever heartache and loneliness threatened to overcome her spirit, Rebecca once whispered into the night air, "The Creator of heaven and earth is with me, He sees me and he will be wherever I go, so, no, I won't be all alone. I will be fine."
Profile Image for Darla.
4,832 reviews1,237 followers
September 6, 2020
Rebecca Deng saw more trauma and horror in her life between the ages of four and fifteen than most of us have in a lifetime. Her Dinka language did not even have a word for rape and the terror experienced by her people is inconceivable. The story of her many escapes from villages during the war in Sudan is one setback after another. Yet, she is loved by the Dinkas and her family discovers the joys of the Christian Community at a refugee camp in Kenya. She loved learning and kept discovering opportunities to attend school outside the camp finally applying the program that brought the Lost Boys and Girls of Sudan to the US as unaccompanied minors. She was placed in Holland, MI where I have relatives and that connection was an extra hook for me. Rebecca's healing continues, but the opportunities she has encountered since leaving Kenya have blessed and encouraged her in her faith. I loved reading her story and know you will, too.

Thank you to FaithWords and Edelweiss+ for a DRC in exchange for an honest review.
Profile Image for Meggie.
480 reviews13 followers
May 18, 2020
There are hardly words for how a book like this can be transformational for a reader’s perspective. Rebecca's story is incredible and she tells it with a narrative style that is hard to put down.

While many have heard of the Lost Boys of Sudan, many do not know about the less than 100 girls who were lost too. Rebecca was one of them, one of the first refugees to arrive in the US after the civil war in Sudan. Her story is heartbreaking, hopeful and life changing and deeply rooted in her knowledge of Christ’s love for her.

(This story was particularly impactful for me as Rebecca was a high school classmate of mine. I knew very little of her story as we shared lunch in the cafeteria and was floored to hear a fuller picture of her life before the US.)
Profile Image for Ariele.
96 reviews23 followers
March 3, 2019
This was an amazing story of true faith in God when evil pervades her entire life, determination, survival, heartbreak, redemption and more.
800 reviews16 followers
November 11, 2019
Rebecca's story of being one of the most girls of Sudan is so powerful! The courage and bravery that she embodies is so incredible! A must read!
Profile Image for Melody Schwarting.
2,134 reviews82 followers
January 14, 2022
Rebecca Deng is a Lost Girl of Sudan: one of the many children traumatized, displaced, and oppressed by war. She grew up in a refugee camp as an orphan, and many of her earliest memories are of war. Yet, her determination to get an education became her liberation. She focused on the heart-healing aspect of community development, knowing others were looking to healing the land.

Deng's voice in the narrative reminds me very much of a dear friend, who is from the USA and has not experienced anything like war in Sudan, but the similarities made What They Meant for Evil almost comforting to read toward the end, because it felt like talking with my friend. I was really glad Deng spent so much time talking about her time in the USA and her return to Sudan. The healing process is not often centered in memoirs like these, and sometimes they are written closer to the traumatic experiences. It took Deng decades to fully grieve her deceased family members, to fully realize her trauma, and to come to a place of freedom in decision-making apart from her family and cultural expectations. Yet, she writes with love about her Dinka culture, and has continued their naming traditions with her children.

What They Meant for Evil is a spiritual memoir as well. Deng's faith is simple and uncomplicated, but has endured many trials. Yet, for me, it wasn't ever cheesy or focused on giving pat answers. It is full of "Christianese," and non-religious readers may want to take that into account. However, this type of thing makes such a book a wonderful addition to the genre of spiritual memoir.

Content warnings: violence, rape, physical abuse. Nothing is detailed, and Deng focuses more on the state of trauma and its healing than the traumas she experienced. Probably appropriate for high schoolers.
Profile Image for Rachel Bennett.
579 reviews34 followers
October 11, 2019
I appreciate Rebecca Deng being vulnerable and sharing her story with us. She is one of the "lost girls" of Sudan - children who were orphaned by the Sudanese war and were eventually brought to the US as refugees. The stories of some of the things she had to go through are horrifying and tragic. The point of her story, from her point of view, is that God had her all along, so the tone stays hopeful and fairly positive throughout.

As far as the writing, it's fairly simplistic and the emotional tone not very deep. Deng is not a native English speaker so I'm not holding that against the book in a major way, but it did prevent me from enjoying it as much as I could.

Thank you to Netgalley and FaithWords for providing me a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
Profile Image for Donna Pavluk.
34 reviews
August 30, 2021
Beautifully written memoire of finding truth and hope out of trauma, heartbreak and chaos. Deng is inspiring and honest in her telling of the impact of war, deprivation and senseless violence on a young Sudanese girl amid her strengthening faith in a loving and merciful God. Her message of repentance, forgiveness, and love as the solution for strife, war, and violence rings very true.
Profile Image for Kiersa.
44 reviews1 follower
June 20, 2024
An eyeopening look into the life of a woman who experienced unspeakable hardship and trauma. I admire her vulnerability to share her story and I love that she dwells in God’s faithfulness throughout her journey.
Profile Image for Simone.
720 reviews33 followers
February 12, 2020
Thank you, NetGalley, for a complimentary copy of this book in exchange for my honest review!

Many books have been written about the Lost Boys of Sudan. Finally, we have the story of one of many Lost GIRLS of Sudan!! This book is a heartwarming, fast-paced, emotional, and wonderfully written memoir. It's amazing to follow this young woman on her journey--or escape--from persecution and genocide. She shares every aspect of her story, from loss, hunger, desperation, almost losing her own life multiple times, the conditions in refugee camps, and her arrival in the United States. This is a powerful story of healing of the soul, faith, and redemption! A great book! A great young woman!
Profile Image for C.E. Hart.
Author 8 books43 followers
June 30, 2019
I love stories told in first person—whether fiction or non-fiction. This point of view allows me to see the world through the narrator’s eyes, to feel from his or her heart. But to be honest, it took me a little while before I connected with Rebecca. I couldn’t fully sink into the beginning of the story, as she recollected, with great detail, events that occurred when she was only four years old. I suspect that some of the facts were revealed to her at a later date, or that is what I chose to believe, anyway. I just can’t imagine that someone at that young age could observe, comprehend, and recall so much. But who am I to say?

About a third into the book I became completely glued. That’s not to say I was disinterested at first—but was distracted by the young girl’s remarkable clarity. I knew little about the Sudanese Lost Girls prior to this book, and this was an eye-opening experience.

I’m in awe that Rebecca experienced so much tragedy, hardship, and heartbreak in her early life and still accomplished so much. She shows such strength, faith, and perseverance. Her story is the perfect example of how faith can get us through despair, and I find her journey inspiring. My heart mourned with her, cheered for her, and ultimately celebrated with her as she found purpose and perseverance through the many storms she endured.

If someone can read this book without being changed, there may be something horribly wrong with their heart. What They Meant for Evil is a beautifully heart-breaking and heart-building story!

Quotes from the book:
I knew something was dark and evil about this place. And I knew I wouldn’t forget the sight of that blood. Ever

Everything would be as it was before the war. I was sure of it.


My thoughts on the cover: The cover, showing Rebecca herself, is the perfect representation of the story.

My thoughts on the title: I love this title, inspired by a passage from the Bible.


★★★★

Author: Rebecca Deng with Ginger Kolbaba
Publisher: FaithWords
Pages: 304
First lines: “They’re coming closer and closer, and it’s harder to fight them off, but we must!” My father pleaded with the village elders.
Source: I received a complimentary copy from the publisher. I was under no obligation to post a positive review.

#WhatTheyMeantForEvil
Profile Image for Michelle .
1,104 reviews35 followers
September 26, 2019
What They Meant For Evil is a memoir by author Rebecca Deng. She wrote this book because many have been written about the Lost Boys of Sudan, but this is a first about the Lost Girls of South Sudan.

I wanted to read this book inspiring book because I feel in love with the cover and wanted to know more about Rebecca. It was very encouraging to read how she overcame obstacles through faith.

The saddest part of the book was the attack on her village, known as the Bor Massacre. However, in order to more appreciate and understand Rebecca Deng even this part needed to be written. I was in tears, so I do suggest keeping tissues handy.

My favorite part of her story was when Rebecca learned about Jesus and even though her Uncle Machok beat her for not remembering the family line, no one at church beat her if she messed up a line of a song. Rebecca also learned Jesus understood what she was going through because He had experienced pain, betrayal, loss, and violence.

“He offered up His life for us so we could live forever with Him and never again experience war or suffering. We all had done things wrong that kept us far from God, but Jesus’ sacrifice for us made us clean and holy before God.” (p. 135)

This is a beautiful memoir of a Lost Girl of South Sudan and I recommend it to fans of memoirs. So far, this is my most favorite book of 2019.

Disclaimer: I receive complimentary books from various sources, including, publishers, publicists, authors, and/or NetGalley. I am not required to write a positive review and have not received any compensation. The opinions shared here are my own entirely. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255
328 reviews2 followers
June 20, 2019
I received an advance copy of this book from the publisher for the purpose of me giving a review. I guess they are wanting more than, "Wow, just wow!" but that's pretty much what I have to say. This book does a careful dance between heart-wrenching and uplifting and it does it flawlessly. You've no doubt heard the stories of the "Lost boys" of Sudan, but have you heard about the lost girls? The book is the autobiography of Rebecca Deng, who was one of the first group of unaccompanied refugee children to enter the U.S. after Sudan's second civil war. The book begins with an almost idyllic description of her very early life in a small village. While they did not have much by western standards, she felt blessed and loved. That all changed when her village came under attack when she was just four years old. Her mother died in that attack. Later she lost more and more family members and ended up in a refugee camp.

Things were unbearably hard there, but it was also there that Rebecca grew in her Christian faith. Her story is a rollercoaster of pain and redemption, but it led to a life of helping others to overcome what she had experienced. This is the story of a real person who went through real tragedy but who came through it all and managed to see God at work. If you have ever wrestled with your faith or doubted whether or not one person can really change the world, this book is a must read. Five stars and I'd give it a sixth if I could.
Profile Image for Nic.
367 reviews11 followers
October 11, 2019
I received an advanced reader copy of What They Meant for Evil and honestly didn’t know what to expect. It’s a story filled with absolute heartbreak, desperation, and ultimately, redeeming faith and love. I took a break from reading recently, after losing a beloved family member- but this was the first book I picked up to begin reading. I couldn’t put it down, I read it in one evening and found Rebecca’s deep family connection so comforting. It really resonated with me, and I think it should be a book that is shared with young people. It opens your eyes to other people’s suffering, and it shows the resilience of the human spirit.
519 reviews
February 13, 2020
What courage this young woman appeared to have but yet all throughout the book she credits God.
I have no understanding of life as she describes it and it is truly heartbreaking that people face this every day all over the world. Living in a refugee camp for years, little food, no friends, and desiring a better life with no apparent way to do it. But God... what an inspiring story and to see God at work is a reminder that nothing is impossible with God.
1,479 reviews38 followers
September 13, 2019
What an amazing story. And it's true! This woman has lived thru things most of us could not imagine. A great read!
Profile Image for LB.
138 reviews2 followers
July 1, 2025
“If there’s one thing I’ve learned on this journey, it’s that war never brings healing. The more people fight, the more trauma they produce, and it transfers from one generation to the next. That is not what I want for my children or for myself.”

“Suffering is a universal language. I’ve seen over and over that we all share the same hurts, and when I speak with people, and they share from their hearts, we sense Christ in our midst, knowing us in our suffering.”

based on recent events, I encourage everyone to read the perspective of a refugee forced from their home because of war. I recommend this book or The Girl Who Smiled Beads by Clementine Wamariya. Michelle Obama says in her memoir, “I have learned it is harder to hate up close.” I have found this to be so true in caring about the condition of people you have never known. I believe ignorance allows us to support violence. Gaining new perspectives and broadening our worldview expands our empathy.
Profile Image for Dave.
48 reviews
January 2, 2021
This was a great book with a solid Christian message of hope. Rebecca is from Sudan and suffered terribly during the Sudanese Civil War enduring murder of several close family members, rape at age 15 in a refugee camp resulting in pregnancy and birth of a daughter, starvation, and many other perils of war. Despite all this, she got an education, came to the US under a refugee program to further her education, and most importantly, discovered a personal relationship with Jesus through a church in the camp. Her story is much like that of the Biblical Joseph, whose famous quote from Genesis is the title of her book. I highly recommend her book and would personally love to meet Rebecca in person someday. I read it because we have been to Sudan several times on mission trips and hope to return someday.
Profile Image for Shae C R..
18 reviews4 followers
October 11, 2024
Beautifully written - an engaging and honest personal narrative of the horrors of war and the healing power of peace.

This book will educate you on history and culture of South Sudan, the tragedy that women and children experience as a result of war, the plight of displaced people, and the struggles of finding home all over again. More importantly, a reminder that hope persists in the darkest moments of despair, and an inspiration for us all to persevere, show courage, and to love and heal. One of the best books I have ever read!

P.S. I often refrain from saying things like this but I feel blessed to have learned this wonderful story, and feel honored & grateful to know Rebecca.
Profile Image for Sara.
272 reviews4 followers
February 19, 2020
An amazing story of courage to survive, heal, and pursue life in the face of unthinkable trauma. I honor Rebecca for sharing her experience. One part that stood out to me was that it gave me a better understanding of refugee camps and the difficulties one faces in immigrating. God’s hand was clearly visible in her story.

Regarding the writing, the account is more factual and objective in tone than I expected. I think her goal was to avoid writing a sob story (and she succeeded) so I felt a bit of emotional distance throughout.
165 reviews
June 21, 2021
I could not put this book down. It might be the best book I have read this year. My mind was so full and my heart so encouraged as I read this book.

One of the things that encouraged me the most was how she was attracted to Jesus because of the joy and peace in the church. How beautiful is it that she saw that at such an early age and at such a dark time?

I was inspired by the obvious influence of women in her life who helped her embrace being both strong and fully feminine.

Her faith shines so brightly in the worst circumstances. I am glad she allowed others to witness her faith grow through this book.
Profile Image for Elizabeth Haarsma.
96 reviews
November 24, 2023
Incredible biography of hope. Her story is heart wrenching and unimaginable to me, but her focus on God and all He is and has been to her is inspiring and encouraging. Not an easy read at all, but a beautiful redemptive story!
Profile Image for Kristen.
20 reviews1 follower
May 30, 2020
Wonderful book. Really puts a perspective on how many of us are very lucky. It shows that even though we, as many Americans, live a good life, there are many people suffering. Rebecca never lost sight of God through her hardships. Very strong faith!
498 reviews13 followers
February 16, 2020
No one should have to endure the atrocities of war especially as a child.
What a powerful story of grace and redemption!
Profile Image for Eunice.
1 review
February 8, 2020
If you're looking for a book with a timeline and statistics of the history of Sudan and current South Sudan, this is not the book for you. This IS the book for you if you want to learn about Sudan's second civil war (1983-2005) through the eyes of a child. The writing is colloquial at times and an easy read. But the story is heavy. This is a beautiful story that bears witness to the survival of a girl who lived through war, through the hopelessness in a refugee camp, and then through the complexities in being resettled in a completely foreign country (the US). Rebecca's Christian faith is clearly a strong and consistent source of strength to have not only survived trauma, but to heal from it and learn to thrive (not just for herself, but for her family and for the sake of others).
238 reviews8 followers
February 7, 2020
Great book!! Hard to read of the genocide in .Sudan of which the author was a survivor, but riveting at the same time.

Rebecca at the age of 15 is able to come to the United States as part of a United Nations refugee resettlement plan for the Lost Boys and Lost Girls of Sudan. Relocated to Michigan, her foster family helps her in every possible way to acclimate to her new country, culture and language.
Rebecca graduates from high school, college and obtains a master’s degree. She and her husband now live and work in Uganda and have three children.

Thanks to the publisher and net galley for the advance copy to review. A truly inspiring story. I’ll be adding this to our church library for sure!
Profile Image for Nichole.
167 reviews
February 6, 2020
Adventure, heartache, beauty, fear, sorrow, and hope filled the pages as Rebecca Deng shared her story. I recognized the incredible love she received from her grandmother as a gift that provided her with courage that she would desperately need in the future. For those of us living in America, Rebecca’s story must be read and shared. Her life demands a strong reaction of compassion in action of me.
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