Farewell to Disneyland: My Decade of Young Widowhood

by Val Chang Snekvik

From the moment her husband Andrew announced, “Honey, I’ve got blood in my stool,” to the day ten years later when she bought popcorn for her wedding to James, Val realized that constantly managing her expectations was her new normal. She fought cancer with Andrew and was widowed at thirty-seven with three sons aged eight, five, and three. She was forced to grieve while living in the fishbowl communities she her church, her Boston neighborhood of Jamaica Plain, and families on both sides. She also grappled with being single for practically the first time in her adult life. As she muddled her way through single life and parenting, she found that humor, loved ones’ help, connecting with God, and a creative survival mentality set her on the path of a fulfilling transition. This book is intended for those in grief who don’t mind laughing and for those supporting them who accept the messy mix of the two. In an increasingly post-religious America, Val also attempts to explore how faith can find active expression, without tying up every question into a neat answer. Those who believe in the power of community support will recognize their values in the details of what Val found to be a most essential survival other people.

157 pages, Kindle Edition

Published January 16, 2019

Reviews

[Steve Watson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Farewell to Disneyland is an honest, funny memoir of one woman's season of grief and whatever it is that comes after grief. I'm not sure what to best call that second season. As the title suggests, it's not the Season of Renewal, or the Season of Second Happiness - although there is some of both of those things. This is a memoir of grief and widowhood, but more generally a memoir of a second loss of innocence, of a middle age letting go of totally happy endings. So it's a story honestly told. In its particulars, anyone who's experienced grief and disappointment will find resonance.

Lest that sound grim, I should also say that it's a beautiful and funny story too. Val writes about both cancer and parenting with unusual detail, exposing some of the craziness and horror and humor in both of those things.

There's this one chapter where Val talks about two kinds of grief. Wanting to tell her own story, rather than become a psychologist or sociologist of grief, she just labels them Survival A and Survival B. A is grim, hopeless, pessimistic trudging on. I called it survival and then changed it to "trudging on" because as Val writes, there's a dignity in grace in survival, when that's all you've got at hand, and both of these options are in fact labelled "Survival". Survival B is all that, but it's open to more. It doesn't manufacture fake hope and optimism - who wants that? But it is open to welcoming hope and humor when they come. Survival B welcomes connection and generosity and good times, so that death and loss don't entirely define you. I thought this was really wise and great advice for living generally.

All in all, I loved this book. I know Val well, and have read parts of this before it was published. But last night, the day the paperback came in the mail, I read it cover to cover, pausing to smile and laugh a bit or to let the tears pass. It's really great!