This one was a real pleasure to read.
"Surrender" is full of images that stay with you long after you've turned the page, in this case, quite literally. Pocock uses the Sebaldian tactic of including photos (there are dozens of them here) along with her text. I'm not convinced that the photos really added anything to the book — other than a good deal more pages — as the text itself is visual enough in and of itself.
Pocock is an Irish-Canadian living in London who, along with her husband and their young daughter, embarks on a two-year odyssey to Missoula, Montana. During this time she connects with the land, examines varying sides of contentious American issues — like drilling, trapping, mining, and the like — and, you could say, "finds" herself.
Part of the reason I was so intrigued to read this is that I, too, have an innate fascination with the American West. I've never visited Montana (something I hope to correct in due time) but the American West more generally has always held a sort of mystique for me. The spaces are wider, the buildings fewer, the landscape more awe-inspiring, the nature less forgiving.
The other theme in this book is Pocock's "mid-life crisis," for lack of better words. Pocock isn't satisfied with the way her life is going, and London — a city she's lived in since her twenties that she has always looked forward to coming back to — now feels dead to her, or rather, i>unnatural.
This "crisis," this search for something more, serves as the catalyst for the entire book, as Pocock discovers the American West she inhabits the life that maybe she could have had, were it not for her family and the decisions she's made.
The one characteristic that really stuck out to me when reading this was the honesty with which Pocock writes. Whether it's her deliberating about giving it all up, family included, to stay in the American West during a solo trip she takes later on in the book, or her views on the MeToo movement, she writes without filtering herself. That's a rare and invaluable quality in any year, but particularly in 2020, when every spoken — not to mention, i>written — word feels calculated and designed to garner minimal backlash.
Pocock feels like a friend, and you never feel like she's not telling you exactly what she thinks. Even when she's spending time with people she vehemently disagrees with, and she does a lot of that here, Pocock doesn't seem to shy away from expressing her feelings.
As alluring as the American West is, Pocock's fear of living in the US echoes my own.
After having spent eight years living abroad and only recently returning to the States, my own anxiety has risen as I contemplate the cost of things, as I rage over the division that keeps common sense (in any other place) legislation protecting the air, the water, the land, from making it into law, as I stress over the possibility that some accident could befall me and I'd be stuck with a medical bill I couldn't possibly afford.
In these pandemic days, the divisions in the country seem to have risen to a fever pitch, and this plays into my American-anxiety too. The curiosity, the fascination that conversations seem to hold elsewhere, all too often seem to devolve into suspicion and disappointment here.
Not always, of course. Coming "home," if you can call it that, is always a mixed bag, but I often feel like Pocock who, in these pages, doesn't ever feel assured of having a home in the first place. Having grown up in Ontario and moved to the UK in her twenties, she suffers from a similar kind of displacement, has that same chasm inside her that only the certainty of home, of belonging, can fill.
Pocock expresses her delight when she has rewarding experiences and encounters with others, her disappointment when such experiences fail to meet her expectations.
In the final third of the book, Pocock attends an "Ecosex convergence" in Washington State. While there, she is forced to take part in a two-hour lecture on the importance of consent in sexual encounters. Having to constantly ask out loud whether what you and your partner are doing is "OK," having to negotiate boundaries beforehand, or stop any sexual activity and go back and renegotiate them — isn't it all a bit, i>anticlimactic, Pocock wonders?
I'm sure Pocock lost a few readers there, but she again justified my admiration for her writing.
"Surrender" is a book about being open and willing to engage in new experiences. It's about examining our doubts, our fears, and asking "why?"
Maybe it's not about a woman finding herself at all, but rather about a woman being open and willing to admit that maybe she never will, but that won't stop her from looking.