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This Is Not the Life I Ordered: 50 Ways to Keep Your Head Above Water When Life Keeps Dragging You Down
If you've ever felt overworked, overwhelmed, or just plain unlucky, this book is for you. Through this collection of stories, wisdom, and practical advice, you'll meet four ordinary women who have faced extraordinary life challenges. Together, they have a history of 6 marriages, 10 children, 4 stepchildren, 6 dogs, 2 miscarriages, 2 cats, a failed adoption, widowhood, and foster parenthood. One of them was shot and left for dead on a tarmac in South America and two lived through the deaths of spouses.
Over a decade, the power and strength of their collective friendship enabled these women not only to survive, but to thrive. Join them to learn how you too can turn misfortunate events into joy-filled.
Over a decade, the power and strength of their collective friendship enabled these women not only to survive, but to thrive. Join them to learn how you too can turn misfortunate events into joy-filled.
220 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 2006
30 people are currently reading
386 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 66 reviews
August 7, 2007
This is such an amazing idea - the accounts of four women who have been to hell and back, and lived to tell the tale. But somehow, they took real substance, and made it glib and shallow and worthless. You can't even get a self-help book about dealing with trauma today without coming face to face with our society's denial of any real trauma or pain. This book reads like, "Wow, pain is great, because it makes you a better person!" Um, do you think it could be more complicated than that? You'd think that a crowd of women who have lost loved ones to disease and accidents, and faced death themselves, would know better.
February 27, 2011
I had high hopes for this book, but it didn't really deliver. There are some powerful women behind it with some fantastic experience, but the disjointed aspect of the book wasn't compelling to me. I couldn't really attach to any one author. I quit reading about a third of the way through.
My suggestion would be to pull all the "WIT" parts out of the book and put them in a separate section or a completely separate book.
My suggestion would be to pull all the "WIT" parts out of the book and put them in a separate section or a completely separate book.
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May 13, 2009On the cheap rack at Home Goods...the optimist in me keeps reading these sort of books while the pessimist in me makes fun of me....
May 26, 2011
Read this book for my Book Club. The only reason I even finished it was because it was the first book we voted on (I was not present for the vote...). This book is completely unrealistic for the typical person even though it says a single mom working two fast-food jobs can put the ideas to use. Sorry Deb, but I highly doubt that this fictitious single mom has a lawyer, accountant, psychologist, etc. in her Rolodex just waiting to offer her free advice. Heck, she probably doesn't even have a Rolodex! Just too out there to be useful for the regular Jane.
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September 6, 2019Wonderful and inspiring!! I like knowing I'm not the one one going through tough times.
July 20, 2012
I wish I could give this book 2.5 stars. This book was completely underwhelming as a self-help book. It had no sense of direction. It was not obvious to me what lesson I was supposed to be learning in each chapter. The book gave little to no practical advice. It was simply a book of anecdotes. Essentially saying, "Here are all these women who have overcome. You can do it too. But we won't tell you how, you'll just have to figure that out yourself." For some reason, each mini-section within the chapter was set off by two quotes, which I found strange and distracting. And I love quotes, but they weren't used effectively in this book.
If you are going to buy this book to read, I suggest skipping all of it except chapter 5. Chapter 5 was the only time in the book that my mind felt like it was getting practical information. The rest is purely anecdotal and not all that useful.
I would NOT recommend this book.
If you are going to buy this book to read, I suggest skipping all of it except chapter 5. Chapter 5 was the only time in the book that my mind felt like it was getting practical information. The rest is purely anecdotal and not all that useful.
I would NOT recommend this book.
January 5, 2009
I liked the title and have, on occasion, found self-help books quite useful. However, this was not particularly helpful. The women portrayed were all super achievers (which is an admirable trait) who went through some serious trauma. But I felt, as did a couple of other reviewers, that the book made the trauma seem so glib. Additionally, I don't see that this book would be that helpful for the average person (not a super achiever). In fact, if you feel that you're not accomplishing enough in your life this book could possibly accentuate that feeling (i.e "Look what these women went through and yet, not only did they come through it, they even became or remained super successful. What's wrong with me?").
The homework assignments were a nice touch, though, and I still recall the one about writing down all of the positive things in your life. Helps you to put things in perspective.
The homework assignments were a nice touch, though, and I still recall the one about writing down all of the positive things in your life. Helps you to put things in perspective.
August 22, 2009
Some good stuff here, mostly little gems of quotes. Written from the perspectives of four different, highly successful women, it's billed as an inspirational book. I found it a bit tedious. The extreme examples used are not "everywoman's" journey, so it made it difficult to relate to everyday life. Lots of name-dropping, too, which bugged me. Like I said, some good quotes, but it also broke up the flow of the actual read for me, so it was more distracting than complimentary. A quick read, nonetheless, and some things in there that I think we need to be reminded of more often than not. Just wasn't all that profound for me.
December 29, 2016
The format & the structure of this book is SO poorly done. There were 1-2 inspirational quotes that were in the middle of each page that made it very distracting to read everything else around it. There were also subchapters in each chapter that really just made no sense.
Honestly, the only decent thing I got from this book was the "WIT Journal" questions at the end of each chapter. Everything else I would skip!
Honestly, the only decent thing I got from this book was the "WIT Journal" questions at the end of each chapter. Everything else I would skip!
March 23, 2018
This was an odd one. When I started, I truly thought it had been written in the 80's, due to the design of the book. Something about the cartoon-y illustrations and the quotes thrown in every 1/2 to one page. At any rate, I think this would have been a much better book if they had stuck to telling their own stories. Or if there hadn't been so much repetition. Or if their advice had had some heft to it.
November 3, 2008
I think I read this book at a wonderful time in my life, and maybe I'd like it more if things were in the crapper. Why did I pick it up then, you ask? I'm asking myself the same thing. I thought these women would have more wisdom to impart and instead I just felt really sad after reading it. Also, the organization of the book and the number of quotations were very distracting. Great idea though.
June 17, 2013
The structure of this book is so bad that it distracts and detracts from whatever substance it might have had. The quotations interrupt any flow or organization.
July 8, 2017
This Is Not The Life I Ordered is authored by not one woman, but four. Deborah Collins Stephens lends her expertise in leadership. She is one of the founder of the Center For Innovative Leadership which works both with established Fortune 500 companies as well as new startups. She continues her career as a celebrated financial author. Jackie Speier shares her inspirational story as one of the staff members of Congressman Leo Ryan’s delegation to The People’s Temple Jonestown establishment in 1978. As one of the few survivors of this massacre, she articulates that a life can still move forward from the brink of death. She continues her pursuits now as a congresswoman herself. Michaelene Cristini Risley demonstrates the power of the female mind as a celebrated award winning filmmaker. She shares her humble beginnings in this work as the victim of childhood sexual abuse and how she continued to excel in her life despite adversity. Jan Yanehiro spent 15 years of her life as a television personality. She demonstrates the poignant struggle of when an exciting chapter in a woman’s life comes to a close and the battle to regain a drive towards a new purpose.
This work is clearly meant for women. It addresses specific challenges women face in a patriarchal society. The four authors candidly share stories of losing husbands, children and financial fallouts. They share their mistakes, one being that financial fallouts were often directly linked to the cultural preference of women to allow the men in their lives to handle their finances. They share what they learned from those mistakes, so that the readers may benefit from their wisdom without having to experience that same situation for themselves. Additionally, this work advocates the bond of women. And stresses the importance of building a strong network of supportive female advisors. A strong network of wise women can then help one another through the transitions of life. The stories featured in this work are from the four authors and a collection of women from around the world. These inspiring stories of transition demonstrate what is possible, and remain universal and timeless.
The work does not feature a lengthy bibliography nor does it include an index. The information is loosely organized with 50 observations made by the authors and their opinions on how to apply hard won lessons. The anecdotal stories will appeal to most women, but the loose form of organization may be distracting to some readers. I personally found the work thought provoking.
There are many exercises to ponder in the book. Something as simple as choosing three things I want to accomplish or experience was difficult for me to do. It made me realize that I had spent a great deal of my life attempting to please other people. Forcing myself to take a moment to identify something I wanted for myself made me realize I had effectively eradicated the emotion of jealousy from my being. Jealousy can be a vice, however it is an indicator that there is something in one’s life that is not going well. It can be used as an expression of change – one I realized I was denying myself.
I was curious about this book due to the title. This Is Not The Life I Ordered, might very well be a perfect summation of how I feel about the 46 years I have lived. Suffice it to say, on more days than not, it is all I can do to get out of bed, put on my uniform and drag myself to my job. I often feel very sorry for myself and I feel very pathetic. However, these wise women of this book gave me a new perspective. I do not have to consider myself as pathetic; I can instead consider myself courageous. Yes, just getting up on some days, for me, is an act of courage to be noted (and perhaps even celebrated). Taking that small step, to see myself in a different light – in a courageous light – gave me the hope to embrace the idea that my circumstances can be changed.
This work is clearly meant for women. It addresses specific challenges women face in a patriarchal society. The four authors candidly share stories of losing husbands, children and financial fallouts. They share their mistakes, one being that financial fallouts were often directly linked to the cultural preference of women to allow the men in their lives to handle their finances. They share what they learned from those mistakes, so that the readers may benefit from their wisdom without having to experience that same situation for themselves. Additionally, this work advocates the bond of women. And stresses the importance of building a strong network of supportive female advisors. A strong network of wise women can then help one another through the transitions of life. The stories featured in this work are from the four authors and a collection of women from around the world. These inspiring stories of transition demonstrate what is possible, and remain universal and timeless.
The work does not feature a lengthy bibliography nor does it include an index. The information is loosely organized with 50 observations made by the authors and their opinions on how to apply hard won lessons. The anecdotal stories will appeal to most women, but the loose form of organization may be distracting to some readers. I personally found the work thought provoking.
There are many exercises to ponder in the book. Something as simple as choosing three things I want to accomplish or experience was difficult for me to do. It made me realize that I had spent a great deal of my life attempting to please other people. Forcing myself to take a moment to identify something I wanted for myself made me realize I had effectively eradicated the emotion of jealousy from my being. Jealousy can be a vice, however it is an indicator that there is something in one’s life that is not going well. It can be used as an expression of change – one I realized I was denying myself.
I was curious about this book due to the title. This Is Not The Life I Ordered, might very well be a perfect summation of how I feel about the 46 years I have lived. Suffice it to say, on more days than not, it is all I can do to get out of bed, put on my uniform and drag myself to my job. I often feel very sorry for myself and I feel very pathetic. However, these wise women of this book gave me a new perspective. I do not have to consider myself as pathetic; I can instead consider myself courageous. Yes, just getting up on some days, for me, is an act of courage to be noted (and perhaps even celebrated). Taking that small step, to see myself in a different light – in a courageous light – gave me the hope to embrace the idea that my circumstances can be changed.
Read
November 23, 2022When I choose books, I have to start reading the synopsis for them. Otherwise, I take out a book like this that is not for my demographic.
Life gives you lemons all the time. The accepted platitudes deal with the situation by telling people to make lemonade out of that. The problem is knowing how to take an unfortunate situation or event and thrive from it regardless.
This Is Not The Life I Ordered is a collaboration between four women about overcoming life's hardships. The book is by women, for women. The little chapter titles indicate that. Each chapter is short and filled with wisdom.
A question arises, do I, as a man, gain anything from reading this book? I could give it a chance. There is the possibility of it containing more than advice for women only. On the other hand, I don't want to waste my time on something that isn't for me. Nothing is worse than reading a book not meant for you.
It's difficult to rate something like this. I could give it a 3-star rating, but I didn't start it. I suppose I could not rate it at all.
In any case, thank you for reading this review, and see you next time.
Life gives you lemons all the time. The accepted platitudes deal with the situation by telling people to make lemonade out of that. The problem is knowing how to take an unfortunate situation or event and thrive from it regardless.
This Is Not The Life I Ordered is a collaboration between four women about overcoming life's hardships. The book is by women, for women. The little chapter titles indicate that. Each chapter is short and filled with wisdom.
A question arises, do I, as a man, gain anything from reading this book? I could give it a chance. There is the possibility of it containing more than advice for women only. On the other hand, I don't want to waste my time on something that isn't for me. Nothing is worse than reading a book not meant for you.
It's difficult to rate something like this. I could give it a 3-star rating, but I didn't start it. I suppose I could not rate it at all.
In any case, thank you for reading this review, and see you next time.
August 4, 2020
I find it somewhat offensive Ms. Yanehiro takes the position that she does in her shared-authored book about survival. As such, she first met my husband, John Zimmerman, who had a new-born daughter. She was the reason for my divorce nearly 50 years ago. She and Mr. Zimmerman lived a great life albeit both of their interferences into mine. I received 125.00 each month for their continued and erratic involvement into my life. My daughter suffered because of their inconsistent and promised get togethers, etc. It is sad at this late date as Ms. Yanehiro did not know the real truth of the matter or excuses same including Mr. Zimmerman's continuous involvement with my my personal life up and through his passing. To as much profited off of a make-believe story is absurd especially given she remarried within a short time period which abruptly ended as a result of adultery and other matters and as similar to mine. As an aside, I met Mr. Zimmerman in high school and were married on August 19, 1967; our daughter is now about to become 50-years old!
April 8, 2018
If you are having a hard time remembering or living out your dream read this book for information, support and ideas on how to make something of your life.
June 19, 2018
Every female should read this book.
December 9, 2018
Good, common sense advice on how to cope with life's pitfalls.
February 8, 2019
This was a great book to read when I needed some uplifting inspiration. Very easy read.
January 2, 2020
closer to a 3 1/2. Not a hard book to read. Started in the summer and got misplaced. Great quotes for motivation. Like having a cheerleader or coach in book format. Some good ideas.
September 19, 2023
I’m sure this was good in its time, but it hasn’t held up 16 years later for women struggling now.
October 6, 2016
If I could buy a copy for all my friends and relatives of the feminine persuasion, I would.
April 15, 2008
This is Not the Life I Ordered. I think at some point in each of our lives we all say or think some version of this phrase. It may be that something traumatic has occurred in our lives (a death, infidelity, the end of a marriage, the loss of a job, a major illness, etc) or simply that the daily chaos of life has suddenly become overwhelming. In any case, life happens to us all and every so often we all need a little pep talk.
This is Not the Life I Ordered is a multifunctional book. The sections connect together with quotes and thoughts about various aspects of the process of living. A good number of these entries, I wrote down in my journal to remind me of the possibilities, the practical, and my own potential.
The main portion of the book contains real life stories. In these excerpts, the four authors illustrate that they have seen their share of life challenges, changes, reevaluations, and growth. I really appreciated the openness and honesty of these narratives.
Finally, and perhaps most importantly, each major section of the book included information and exercises to build a WIT Kit. WIT stands for Women in Transition. Essentially, it is a group of women who are willing to support each other through the good and the bad. It is a place where you are expected to be completely honest and willing to grow. The kind of support we could all use.
This is Not the Life I Ordered is a multifunctional book. The sections connect together with quotes and thoughts about various aspects of the process of living. A good number of these entries, I wrote down in my journal to remind me of the possibilities, the practical, and my own potential.
The main portion of the book contains real life stories. In these excerpts, the four authors illustrate that they have seen their share of life challenges, changes, reevaluations, and growth. I really appreciated the openness and honesty of these narratives.
Finally, and perhaps most importantly, each major section of the book included information and exercises to build a WIT Kit. WIT stands for Women in Transition. Essentially, it is a group of women who are willing to support each other through the good and the bad. It is a place where you are expected to be completely honest and willing to grow. The kind of support we could all use.
September 25, 2011
I judged this book entirely on the cover -- the name on the cover, specifically. And for once in my life, I made a good choice based on such superficiality. This book is full of inspirational quotes and stories from women who have had to "paddle upstream," losing jobs, husbands to death, husbands to cheating, surviving childhood abuse. One woman was shot and left for dead in the Jonestown cult massacre in Guyana.
Despite their pasts, they have learned to be happy and successful and share those secrets.
The reason I didn't give it five stars is because the book encourages you to form a group of females to whom you can tell anything in the spirit of sharing collective wisdom. At the end of each chapter are questions and ideas you're to discuss with your group. I didn't do this.
Also, the women assume everyone has been married or has children. I don't, so that was another thing that was foreign to me.
Despite their pasts, they have learned to be happy and successful and share those secrets.
The reason I didn't give it five stars is because the book encourages you to form a group of females to whom you can tell anything in the spirit of sharing collective wisdom. At the end of each chapter are questions and ideas you're to discuss with your group. I didn't do this.
Also, the women assume everyone has been married or has children. I don't, so that was another thing that was foreign to me.
July 19, 2008
If you have ever felt like your life is totally out of control, you're not where you want to be, you've encountered more challenges than you think is your fair share - this book will help you put it into perspective.
Told by some very smart and accomplished women who found themselves facing some pretty outrageous circumstances, it offers some very personal stories and then some exercises to practice at the end of each chapter. Personally, I found the exercises a little forced (like a work seminar - no thanks), but the stories were amazing. Take Jackie Speier, for example - she was shot and left for dead at Jonestown. Think that would be enough for one person? Oh, no, there is more. But she survives, and in fact, thrives.
Great if you need to find some personal strength, and to reinforce the value of a solid network of friends.
Told by some very smart and accomplished women who found themselves facing some pretty outrageous circumstances, it offers some very personal stories and then some exercises to practice at the end of each chapter. Personally, I found the exercises a little forced (like a work seminar - no thanks), but the stories were amazing. Take Jackie Speier, for example - she was shot and left for dead at Jonestown. Think that would be enough for one person? Oh, no, there is more. But she survives, and in fact, thrives.
Great if you need to find some personal strength, and to reinforce the value of a solid network of friends.
May 27, 2008
I bought this book for a friend of mine going through a divorce. I looked through it before I mailed it, and she has said it's helped her so much that I now have a copy for myself. Now that I've finished reading it, it has a number of tips for not getting dragged into a perpetual pity party by all the things life throws your way. The advice most helpful to me were the reminders to be grateful and to start a gratitude journal. My daughter broke both of her arms the day I read that portion of the book (Mother's Day!) and it has helped me a great deal during the very trying weeks since.
January 17, 2009
My friend Sharon passed this book to me. I wish I had Kitchen Table Friends -- just what one needs when one has no one else to talk with about the daily -- and not daily -- challenges of BEING. It's not just about being a woman or a mother or a wife or an employee or a friend or a neighbor or a sister or a daughter -- it's all of those, all of the time, and the efforts can sometimes be beyond one person's ability to cope. This offers 50 ideas, some attractive, some not, to help clear your head and refocus. Just what the doctor ordered.
But I still need to find that Kitchen Table group.....
But I still need to find that Kitchen Table group.....
March 2, 2009
If you've ever felt overworked, overwhelmed, or just plain unlucky, this book is for you. Through this collection of stories, wisdom, and practical advice, readers will meet four ordinary women who have faced extraordinary life challenges. Together, they have a history of six marriages, ten children, four stepchildren, six dogs, two miscarriages, two cats, a failed adoption, and foster parenthood. One of them was shot and left for dead on a tarmac in South America and two have lived through the death of their spouses.
July 12, 2015
I enjoyed this book. The title is super cute. The women authors are definitely people to look up to. It also had some sound advice. Some cute pictures and nice inspirational quotes too. The issues I had with this book were more about the editing. At times, it was a bit confusing to follow who was talking and the numbering in the book threw me off. I would have liked if it was better organized and, in some places, if it went a bit deeper. Also, while I like the idea of keeping a WIT kit, I didn't do it.
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July 22, 2009if i can get a laugh and learn something at the same time,it is a good day in my life!
there are some wonderful quotes from women throughout the book,many of them worth the price of admission.
did this book change my life,no,not really.did it enhance my life,yes.everyone needs reminders on how to deal with life's bad times and
this book is that reminder.it will not cure your ills but you will smile,you will remember that women need to stick together to get thru this maze called life.
there are some wonderful quotes from women throughout the book,many of them worth the price of admission.
did this book change my life,no,not really.did it enhance my life,yes.everyone needs reminders on how to deal with life's bad times and
this book is that reminder.it will not cure your ills but you will smile,you will remember that women need to stick together to get thru this maze called life.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 66 reviews