Qualification: A Graphic Memoir in Twelve Steps

by David Heatley

"Say what you mean, but don't say it mean." --12-Step aphorism

From the author of My Brain Is Hanging Upside Down, a new graphic memoir brimming with black humor, which explores the ultimate irony: the author's addiction to 12-Step programs.

David Heatley had an unquestionably troubled and eccentric childhood: father a sexually repressed alcoholic, mother an overworked compulsive overeater. Then David's parents enter the world of 12-step programs and find a sense of support and community. It seems to help. David, meanwhile, grows up struggling with his own troublesome sexual urges and seeking some way to make sense of it all. Eventually he starts attending meetings too. Alcoholics Anonymous. Overeaters Anonymous. Debtors Anonymous. Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous. More and more meetings. Meetings for issues he doesn't have.

With stark, sharply drawn art and unflinching honesty, David Heatley explores the strange and touching relationships he develops, and the truths about himself and his family he is forced to confront, while "working" an ever-increasing number of programs. The result is a complicated, unsettling, and hilarious journey--of far more than 12 steps.

Genres: Graphic Novels, Memoir, Nonfiction, Comics, Mental Health, Adult, Graphic Novels Comics

416 pages, Hardcover

First published October 1, 2019

Reviews

[Dave Schaafsma · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book may heal me of my addictive need to read "healing" graphic memoirs for a good while. David Heatley writes a way, way over-long narcissistic study of his own narcissism through the potentially humorous lens of his own addiction to 12-step programs. Heatley grew up with his mother going to OA (Overeaters Anonymous) who forced her husband to go to DA (Debtors Anonymous); this book catalogues roughly forty years of son David’s experiencing AA programs in various versions. And a good share of the tale involves his emotionally torturing and neglecting his poor wife and kids for several years going to OA, DA, Sexual Addicts Anonymous meetings (where in typical Heatley--and Robert Crumb, who blurbs the book--fashion, he must tell you about every moment of lust and sexual fantasy he has ever had. He has NO censor with his memoir comics, none, like Crumb; he will tell you about anything, bar nothing, and expects us to praise him for his "honesty" and courage).

A "qualification" is a personal story sharing process of all AA-type organizations where you tell your story to heal, but Heatley hates almost everyone he meets at the meetings and gets angry at everyone all the time for not appreciating him or caring enough for him, including his poor wife and poor innocent neglected kids, and only goes to the meetings so he can make sure he gets the chance to "share" and sob and be cheered and hugged and validated for his narcissism. He takes more than 400 (!!!) pages to say he has finally quit AA and now appreciates his wife, who I would lend money to help her get a divorce at any time. I am serious!!! He writes an apology to his family, whose crazy lives he shares in cringe-worthy detail. He goes out of his way to apologize to his kids, whom he hopes will not read this for many years; when they do, I hope they do not forgive him, that is how upset I am about this book.

So this book is one long "qualification" story, haha, good for him, begging us to love him and forgive him for his narcissism!!! Ugh!! I wasted hours on this book, and I do not think he is healed, or whole, or in any other great place he claims he is now in, because he claimed that several times in the book and discovered he was wrong! Argh, enough time spent on this book!! Crumb says it is darkly funny but I don't think Heatley intends it to be. He wants us to weep in relief and gratitude to the gods at his having been healed from his addiction to addiction programs at the end and then cheer and hug him. And I see many do validate him here on Goodreads, and good for him; he can now justify yet another memoir. He can hate me as he hates so many of the people he hates in his book. Argh!!

[Rod Brown · Rating 1 out of 5]

A narcissist creates a monumentally narcissistic work about his narcissism. The back cover tells me this is hilarious, but all I felt was anger and exhaustion as I read. But then I decided, fuck that asshole, I'm not letting him have that kind of power over me, and let it go. He can try to live with his crap; I don't have to.

Seriously, though, his wife could gun him down in the street in front of a hundred people tomorrow, present this as Exhibit A at her trial, and walk out a free woman from any court in the land.

[Mark Meiss · Rating 1 out of 5]

The author's main problem seems to be being a total asshole. I didn't like him, I don't relate, and I'm glad I don't know him. Rebecca has my sympathy.

[David A Townsend · Rating 3 out of 5]

Correctly credited to Marianne Williamson -

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate, Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world.

[Dakota Morgan · Rating 3 out of 5]

Qualification is exhausting. David Heatley's unending anxiety, misplaced anger, and various "addictions" are nearly as rough to read about as I'm sure they were to live with. This book is also 400+ pages, loaded with text, and highly repetitive. Obviously, that's part of the addiction process (backsliding, relapsing, trying new addiction programs), but my goodness is it tedious to read about.

All that said, Qualification maintains a high level of reader fascination - you can't help but watch, agog, as Heatley, angry at his wife again, decides to go to yet another AA service. Repeat ad infinitum. Truly, by the end of the book, you'll feel terrible for his wife, Rebecca, the very definition of "long-suffering." You'll also learn just how many addiction programs are out there - Debtor's Anonymous? Who knew!

I also couldn't help but notice that Heatley's deepest desire as a member of the various 12 steps programs was to receive a burst of "God energy" by sharing his darkest moments. And this book, despite its "I've learned my lesson" ending, is basically just Heatley sharing his darkest moments. So, the publication of Qualification must have been the biggest burst of God energy possible. I hope it hasn't caused Heatley to backslide into yet another program.

[Hannah Garden · Rating 5 out of 5]

I *LOVED* this book, and hope to be able to fight you about it someday.

[Jessie · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book needs a sequel from the wife's pov. Hopefully it will end with her leaving him.

[MariNaomi · Rating 5 out of 5]

This story is bonkers. I couldn't put it down.

[Peter Landau · Rating 4 out of 5]

My wife jokes that 12-Step programs are the religion of the United States. People in these programs often balk at that. “It’s not a religion, it’s a spiritual program.” Okay, but one where people meet regularly, chant “scripture” and follow the moral template of a “sacred” text. David Heatley is a religious nut, self-absorbed but with a sense of humor that saves him from being intolerable. His comic Qualifications is a memoir of an abusive upbringing and an addiction to multiple Anonymous meetings. It’s hilarious and often borders on a weirdly narcissistic bravado. The parade of honest recall from his life, warts and more worts, is brave and sometimes a bit unnecessary. But the insider’s look at the power and the perverse rites of Alcoholics, Overeaters, Debtors, Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous programs offers a much needed ballast to the uncritical embrace from much of the public. His crude lines and fun layouts make the comic pack a powerful punch. Another medium would struggle to find the balance Heatley keeps when telling his story. Thank god he never joined Cartoonist Anonymous.

[Courtney · Rating 3 out of 5]

Thought certain aspects were very interesting (such as 12 step groups v therapy, gatekeeping/one's own definitions of things). This brought up a lot of mixed feelings as I've known people who have had a hard time with 12 step groups and others that liked at least most aspects of them. It was interesting to see Heatley's perspective, but I was more sympathetic towards his wife.
I was also waiting for a diagnosis, like bipolar or something, due to Heatley's emotional swings and what he described as "god bursts".

[Liz · Rating 2 out of 5]

This one was hard to read. I thought it would be a little funnier and not to be totally mean but the guy perceives himself as an entitled jerk who fills a void using support groups. Not my favorite memoir.

[Rebecca · Rating 1 out of 5]

Exhausting and disturbing. Not enough credit goes to his partner for putting up with all that anger and faux addictions for all those years.

[Deepa Nirmal · Rating 1 out of 5]

Oh, what an utterly excruciating book. I really do enjoy graphic novels so I picked this up at the library. If I bought it I might have been tempted to kill myself. Sorry if this triggers anyone.

I think plenty of other reviewers have said it all. This is a horribly repetitive book by an enormously messed up, narcissistic guy. Miraculously, he found the one woman in the known universe who’d marry him, and wonder of wonders, reproduce with him repeatedly. Yes, he depicts it all with brutal honesty. Why she didn’t dump him is an enduring mystery.

I should say, my own mental health is robust (Covid has been taxing for the most robust) but I have an enormous amount of empathy for those who struggle with it, I am 100% an ally. But with this guy, I really couldn’t figure out why he needed all these meetings and retreats and all these groups and to be heard while he talked. He had a loving and apparently quite sane and balanced wife? Friends? His parents didn’t strike me as beyond the pale. Yes, his one brother was scary. The other brother seemed smart to cut ties.

Anyway, this book felt like the proverbial train wreck, except it was a train wreck on endless loop. I contemplated abandoning it many times. But you know how it is with wrecks and rubbernecking. You can’t stop looking and thinking “There, but for the grace of God, go l.” There is a lot of God too. I wish I could get my time back. If you’re reading my review, don’t waste your time with this book. You’re welcome.

Then again, maybe you want to read it and be grateful for your relatively normal life and family. I certainly thought that a lot.

[(arc) · Rating 3 out of 5]

I actually learned a wise lesson from reading this book. The author is relentlessly honest, baring everything, even his terrible traits and behaviors. His narcissism and selfishness illustrated is repetitive and frustrating at times, but he's also a son, a father, a husband. He's human and it shows.
His story reminded me of the 'basic goodness' we all share.

Reading this graphic novel helped me realize that I get in the way of my own creativity. I thought, 'If THIS guy can make a ton of money doing what he loves, get published in the New Yorker, pour nearly all of his time into 12 step groups and his art, and still be married with a child, then I can surely stop punishing myself and allow my creativity to flow more than I do now.
I thank David Heatley for completing this book.
For myself, whether or not I like the guy doesn't affect the impact of this honest work.

[Tao · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Alcohol is just one 'cure' addicts seek for their disease. And for a while it works! But the core of our disease is 'restlessness, irritability, and discontentment' according to the big book."

[Bug · Rating 1 out of 5]

Author jokes in annotations thru the book about his narcissistic nature while he was obsessed with the AA and AA variant meetings, but the book itself dragged through the AA time of his life for so long, in perhaps too much detail at times. I think this book could have benefited from being 2/3 or even 1/2 as long as it is now.
Also, I understand it's a memoir about how He Fucked Up, but I cannot overstate how much I wanted to punch him in the face and I almost stopped reading the book about 3/4 of the way through because of this. The way in which he very sparsely wrote about his home life/relationship with his children leads me to assume he had no place in their lives until years later, which I really feel nothing but hatred towards LOL.

[Sarron Bekele · Rating 1 out of 5]

Nah fam. This is narcissism at its finest. Painful to finish.

[Marsha · Rating 1 out of 5]

This was the longest, narcissist rant I have ever read. I really didn't care one way or the other what happened to him. His wife deserves acknowledgement for putting up with him!

[Kristin · Rating 3 out of 5]

Kind of disgusting. Intriguing. And geez, how did his wife put up with his bullshit for so long? I’d like to read a book written by her about being on the other side of Heatley’s story.

[Victor The Reader · Rating 4 out of 5]

While 12-step programs might not help you fix your life completely, Heatley’s memoir about his twisted life could say otherwise. Between 1979 to 2012, we follow Dave from his bizarre childhood to his stressful (and still bizarre) adult life that drives him into madness. It eventually leads him to find help through many 12-step programs and no matter what, he’ll try to find the answers to his problems before he gets wrapped up into them again.

Right near the beginning, his memoir is truly bizarre and hysterical most of the time, but also shows readers how life definitely throws some pretty harsh curveballs. While Dave’s character does come off as a selfish, obnoxious jerk, he’s still a relatable person at as we see him also as someone different up to the last few parts. A- (91%/Excellent)

[Matt · Rating 1 out of 5]

I personally couldn't relate to this book very much. I think it's great that Heatley seems to have found something that works for him, but at the same time it also seems that he goes through cycles of finding new spiritual breakthroughs that don't last, and that he's trusting too much in systems to fix some vague part of him.

Every few years he hears about another program that explains why he's unhappy or why he behaves in certain ways, and he buys all in to it. There's also an aspect of being heard and understood that is really important for him, but he takes it way further than most people. He mentions this whole society of people that just go to all of these different support meetings, and it shows that he's not the only person like this out there.

I'm not going to discount another person's experience. Everything that Heatley went through, and that the other people in the support groups are going through is real for them, and maybe the most helpful thing for them at this specific point in their lives. I just personally do not resonate with any of Heatley's experiences or choices.

[Christine · Rating 5 out of 5]

Raw, intimate, and graphic in more ways than just being physically drawn, Qualification is utterly compelling. If I'd had the time, I would have read it entirely in one sitting. I have never experienced a 12-step program personally, and I did not even know that some of the ones mentioned here existed until I read this book, but I was exhausted and stressed for him as I followed his journey through so many of the various incarnations from AA to DA and beyond. In truth, given my own overthinking tendencies, I completely understood how he got into such a cycle, which added to my empathetic anxiety. Still I could not put it down. There are so many themes in here, from trauma and forgiveness to growth and the struggles of working in the arts. I am thankful that he has chosen to share his story, because I think everyone can get something out of reading it. I know I certainly did, and I wish him a successful, happy, less-stressful future.

[Mike · Rating 2 out of 5]

For me, one of the measures of a good memoir is the author's ability to take their story and make it relevant to the reader by illuminating some element of the human condition. On that measure, David Heatley fails in a spectacular way. Heatley is an honest and open narrator, willing to expose his flaws for the world to see, but doesn't go deeper in examining the true motivations for his behaviours and the impact it had on those around him. As a narrator, he seems unaware of the repetition in his actions (find new support group, feel blessed by god, fall out with support group, repeat) and this makes for a long read that often feels like it's going around in circles aimlessly. The worst part was his judgmental comments towards other people he encounters at meetings, utterly oblivious to the fact that he was just like them. There's little to learn here - don't waste your time.

[Kathleen · Rating 1 out of 5]

OK, I think this book does a nice job with what the author is trying to do -- detail his experiences with a *bunch* of 12-step programs. It's just ... exhausting to read, even in graphic form. (Oh, and it'd probably get an NC-17 rating.) David Heatley paints himself as a profoundly unlikeable person, so he gets props for his level of honesty. I recognize that lots of people may identify with him and/or enjoy this book, at least on some level, and it has a certain artistic accomplishment. I just couldn't get into it. It was almost a DNF.

[Charlotte · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really enjoyable. Resonates well with anyone with lackluster experiences with 12 step programs or parents who engage in those programs. Unfortunately there was an issue with my copy, where about 30 pages were copies of much later pages, so I missed out on about 10% of the story.

[eggeo · Rating 1 out of 5]

1.5 stars, DFN.
damn, david is really unlikeable...

[Grace · Rating 4 out of 5]

I think I liked this one. Odd as it was, as a 20-something, there are so many opportunities to get lost in your own internal turmoil and struggle to find a way out. This was an interesting perspective on AA and its many iterations. Like anything meant to bring peace, sometimes it can become a crutch of its own.

[Blue · Rating 5 out of 5]

David Heatley's memoir about the 40 years of his life spent in and around various twelve step programs is a great peek into the culture of addiction recovery. There's a twelve step program probably for any kind of addiction you can imagine. The original "bible" established AA, and then came the others, which all use AA principles as a base. Heatley's journey starts with his parents, who are in various A programs, like AL-ANON, AA, and OA. It seems that Heatley just throws himself at these programs, just hoping to "fix" himself. Throughout the story, he finds out about new programs, which makes him wonder if he has that particular issue and that maybe that's what's been wrong with him all along. What's strange (or maybe not at all strange) is that Heatley seems to just consider these programs, because that's what he knows. It's in his family's culture. His parents both benefit or claim they benefit from these programs. So when he has low income and resentments about having to work regular jobs instead of making a living with his art and having a family becomes too stressful and he uses porn to avoid his other problems, he always turns to these programs for a solution, a way to save himself from himself. Interestingly, in the end, what seems to work is good old talk therapy. In a way, if his family had therapy in their culture, he would have saved himself a long, meandering journey through the twelve step programs (but he wouldn't have written this book).

Also interestingly, the one thing that I thought he really should be working on, namely his issues with god and organized religion (with some interesting related issues about homosexuality), was not ever subjected to a twelve step program (not that I want to give him any new ideas...)

The art is very expressive and well suited for the subject matter. Most of the story takes place in rooms where people just talk, but Heatley does a good job of moving the story along and beyond the confines of these conversations.

Recommended for those who like retreats, book tours, and glass sculptures.

[Jeanne · Rating 4 out of 5]

A unique memoir, a glimpse of a very cult-like 12-step lifestyle. Packed with emotion, full of shocking surprises.

[Lisa · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was like a train wreck I couldn’t look away from. I hope he finds the help he needs.