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I Never Called It Rape - Updated Edition: The Ms. Report on Recognizing, Fighting, and Surviving Date and Acquaintance Rape
A new edition of the 1988 classic text that exposed the extreme prevalence of rape in America, coining the term acquaintance rape and establishing the disturbing statistics on sexual assault that still hold just as true today—now featuring an original preface from Gloria Steinem, a new introduction by Salamishah Tillet, an updated afterword by Mary P. Koss, PH.D., as well as an updated resources section.“Essential. . . . It is nonpolemical, lucid, and speaks eloquently not only to the victims of acquaintance rape but to all those caught in its net.”— Philadelphia Inquirer In 1988, Robin Warshaw wrote I Never Called It Rape, the ground-breaking book that revealed a staggering 25% of women were the victims of rape or attempted rape. Over 80% of these women knew their assailants. Warhsaw based her reportage on the first large-scale study into rape ever, conducted by Ms. Magazine in the late 80s. Thirty years later, we now have a wealth of statistics on rape. The disturbing truth is that the figures have not diminished. That our culture enables rape is not just shown by the numbers—the outbreak of allegations against serial rapists from Bill Cosby to Harvey Weinstein and the 2016 presidential election of Donald Trump, a man who was recorded bragging about sexual assault, have further amplified this horrifying truth.With over 80,000 copies sold to date, I Never Called It Rape has served as a guide to understanding rape as a cultural phenomenon for tens of thousands—providing women and men with strategies to address our rape endemic; survivors with the context and resources to help them heal from their experiences; and pulling the wool from all our eyes on the pervasiveness of rape and sexual assault today. As relevant today as when it was first published, this new edition features Warshaw’s original report and her 1994 Introduction, as well as an original Preface from Gloria Steinem, a new Introduction by Salamishah Tillet on how the cultural landscape has evolved since the 1980s, an updated Afterword by Mary P. Koss, PH.D., examining the ways she would approach the research she did for Ms. differently today, as well as an updated resources section.
288 pages, ebook
First published January 1, 1988
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1732 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 55 reviews
December 28, 2010
While it may have been revolutionary for its time, this book has some victim-blaming in it and quite a few outdated views involving sexual violence. I read it for a class to be certified as a rape crisis counselor and my classmates all urged the professor to remove it from the curriculum next year and find something more recent (and better overall).
November 28, 2014
'I Never Called It Rape' by Robin Warshaw was a seminal book of it's time, and for that it must be given credit. 'I Never Called It Rape' contributed to a process of changing the very cultural lens through which the most common form of rape - that between people who are known to each other - is viewed.
Seen as either 'honest mistakes', 'seduction', 'provocation' or 'miscommunications', acquaintance rape has historically - and remains - a 'less serious' form of abuse than stranger rape. This, despite the fact that acquaintance rape survivors, as Warshaw points out, experience just as much post-rape trauma and anxiety as stranger rape survivors. In fact, due to the disbelief and doubt, the social denigration and belittling of acquaintance rape and the confusion caused by someone you trust abusing you, survivors of acquaintance rape often experience longer and more intense bouts of trauma according to Warshaw. In society stranger rape survivors are most often accepted as legitimate victims and often start the process of recovery sooner than acquaintance rape survivors.
There is a bitty irony and gross perversity, then, in the disbelief of acquaintance survivors under the guise that it's 'less serious'. This trope actually causes acquaintance survivors to suffer, on average, longer term trauma than victims of 'traditional', violent stranger rapes.
That said, the book read by a committed feminist today reads like feminist 'common sense'. And actually in some places it reads in quite a reactionary fashion; perhaps another mark of its age.
For example, there's an entire chapter dedicated to advising women on what behaviours they should adopt or do less of in order to minimize the chances of being raped. Now, on the one hand this seems to make sense. Around 40% of acquaintance rape survivors were intoxicated when they were raped - according to the book. Surely it makes sense to tell women to drink less, then?
In fact this misses several important things.
But what actually bypasses Warshaw is that there is reactionary ideological import to the kind of narrative that advises women to alter their behaviour. It completely skirts the question looking at the social conditions under which rapists themselves are created and reproduced.
We recognise this narrative everywhere we look in neo-liberal, austerity Britain. If you just work harder, you'll be able to overcome poverty. If you just ignore it, racism will disappear. If you just drink less, you won't be raped. All of these ideas are part of what I've called elsewhere the "ideological emporium" that gets us individualising our oppression, rather than understanding it's context and challenging the hegemony that apologizes for and reproduces rape.
This omission shows in Warshaw book. More concerned about advising women what they can do the reduce the risk of rape, she ignores the plethora of ways a violent, greedy capitalist society itself creates the conditions for depressingly high levels of rape in all countries. Hence the book totally fails to even begin to address longer term solutions that seriously challenge the roots of rape. While I don't pretend to have high-knowledge of what those roots are and how we challenge them, Warshaw ends up relying on piecemeal strategies of education and 'teaching people not to rape'. While education is important, it doesn't offer a strategy for destroying or even challenging the social relations that reproduce misogynistic violence.
Resisting this narrative is deeply important, especially in a context where immigrants, black people and the working class as a whole is being blamed for it's own oppression. Resisting this narrative allows us to centre our anger on the structures of power and social relations under capitalism that make rape a continual part of the drudgery of our lives.
Seen as either 'honest mistakes', 'seduction', 'provocation' or 'miscommunications', acquaintance rape has historically - and remains - a 'less serious' form of abuse than stranger rape. This, despite the fact that acquaintance rape survivors, as Warshaw points out, experience just as much post-rape trauma and anxiety as stranger rape survivors. In fact, due to the disbelief and doubt, the social denigration and belittling of acquaintance rape and the confusion caused by someone you trust abusing you, survivors of acquaintance rape often experience longer and more intense bouts of trauma according to Warshaw. In society stranger rape survivors are most often accepted as legitimate victims and often start the process of recovery sooner than acquaintance rape survivors.
There is a bitty irony and gross perversity, then, in the disbelief of acquaintance survivors under the guise that it's 'less serious'. This trope actually causes acquaintance survivors to suffer, on average, longer term trauma than victims of 'traditional', violent stranger rapes.
That said, the book read by a committed feminist today reads like feminist 'common sense'. And actually in some places it reads in quite a reactionary fashion; perhaps another mark of its age.
For example, there's an entire chapter dedicated to advising women on what behaviours they should adopt or do less of in order to minimize the chances of being raped. Now, on the one hand this seems to make sense. Around 40% of acquaintance rape survivors were intoxicated when they were raped - according to the book. Surely it makes sense to tell women to drink less, then?
In fact this misses several important things.
But what actually bypasses Warshaw is that there is reactionary ideological import to the kind of narrative that advises women to alter their behaviour. It completely skirts the question looking at the social conditions under which rapists themselves are created and reproduced.
We recognise this narrative everywhere we look in neo-liberal, austerity Britain. If you just work harder, you'll be able to overcome poverty. If you just ignore it, racism will disappear. If you just drink less, you won't be raped. All of these ideas are part of what I've called elsewhere the "ideological emporium" that gets us individualising our oppression, rather than understanding it's context and challenging the hegemony that apologizes for and reproduces rape.
This omission shows in Warshaw book. More concerned about advising women what they can do the reduce the risk of rape, she ignores the plethora of ways a violent, greedy capitalist society itself creates the conditions for depressingly high levels of rape in all countries. Hence the book totally fails to even begin to address longer term solutions that seriously challenge the roots of rape. While I don't pretend to have high-knowledge of what those roots are and how we challenge them, Warshaw ends up relying on piecemeal strategies of education and 'teaching people not to rape'. While education is important, it doesn't offer a strategy for destroying or even challenging the social relations that reproduce misogynistic violence.
Resisting this narrative is deeply important, especially in a context where immigrants, black people and the working class as a whole is being blamed for it's own oppression. Resisting this narrative allows us to centre our anger on the structures of power and social relations under capitalism that make rape a continual part of the drudgery of our lives.
May 28, 2012
Robin Warshaw clearly outlines date/acquaintance rape in this book, funded by the Center for Antisocial and Violent Behavior of the National Institute of Mental Health and executed under the banner of Ms. Magazine. While a bit dated (published first in 1988), this book captures the emergence of date/acquaintance rape as well as what that has meant to U.S. American society at large.
Part scientific study, journalistic expose, and self-help book, I Never Called It Rape has much to offer. It brings impressive statistics and thorough research to the table to help solidify the existence of date/acquaintance rape, and the writing style is nonacademic, so it is very accessible. Additionally, Mary P. Koss' work, heading the study that would birth this book, is groundbreaking and sound.
Be warned, this book relies heavily on relaying personal stories of date/acquaintance rape, and as such it can be very difficult to read. However, a book on a subject so grave doesn't need to be enjoyable.
I found this book to be a little repetitive (although I am certain this was a tool [often used in certain kinds of philosophical arguments] purposely employed to impress ideas on the reader). Equally, some of the personal stories might work to discredit some experiences of rape/sexual coercion that were not so extreme or that were more "fuzzy." Also, regardless of Warshaw's disclaimers that date/acquaintance rape happens throughout diverse communities, she tended to focus on date/acquaintance rape & the college experience. Warshaw does write that her focus reflected data found on where date/acquaintance rapes are most likely to occur, and she writes about non-college-aged women who have survived rape, but ultimately this focus made the book feel a little one-sided to me.
Even so, I would highly recommend this book to anyone interested in rape, sexual politics, sociology, psychology, gender studies, or, really, anyone who is interested in having a fuller understanding of what it is to be human.
Part scientific study, journalistic expose, and self-help book, I Never Called It Rape has much to offer. It brings impressive statistics and thorough research to the table to help solidify the existence of date/acquaintance rape, and the writing style is nonacademic, so it is very accessible. Additionally, Mary P. Koss' work, heading the study that would birth this book, is groundbreaking and sound.
Be warned, this book relies heavily on relaying personal stories of date/acquaintance rape, and as such it can be very difficult to read. However, a book on a subject so grave doesn't need to be enjoyable.
I found this book to be a little repetitive (although I am certain this was a tool [often used in certain kinds of philosophical arguments] purposely employed to impress ideas on the reader). Equally, some of the personal stories might work to discredit some experiences of rape/sexual coercion that were not so extreme or that were more "fuzzy." Also, regardless of Warshaw's disclaimers that date/acquaintance rape happens throughout diverse communities, she tended to focus on date/acquaintance rape & the college experience. Warshaw does write that her focus reflected data found on where date/acquaintance rapes are most likely to occur, and she writes about non-college-aged women who have survived rape, but ultimately this focus made the book feel a little one-sided to me.
Even so, I would highly recommend this book to anyone interested in rape, sexual politics, sociology, psychology, gender studies, or, really, anyone who is interested in having a fuller understanding of what it is to be human.
May 17, 2012
I cannot begin to explain how important this book is to read. Although it is fairly old, the statistics are still relevant and the topics need to be looked at and discussed. Rape is still a some what "hush hush" problem because it's a difficult topic to discuss.
Aquaintance rape is misunderstood, or not understood at all which is why I loved this book. It explains all the many different types of aquaintance rape from that one date guy who rapes the girl to the case of a husband who rapes his wife. Just because a woman (or man) is dating someone, it does not give the significant other the right to rape them. Just because the victim knew their attacker doesn't make it less of a rape.
I HIGHLY recommend this book to EVERYONE. Men and women alike, as well as rape victims/survivors. It has a section on how loved ones can help someone who has been raped as well as people who have just been raped. I really like this report/book and it is a short read so there really is no excuse not to pick it up and read it.
Aquaintance rape is misunderstood, or not understood at all which is why I loved this book. It explains all the many different types of aquaintance rape from that one date guy who rapes the girl to the case of a husband who rapes his wife. Just because a woman (or man) is dating someone, it does not give the significant other the right to rape them. Just because the victim knew their attacker doesn't make it less of a rape.
I HIGHLY recommend this book to EVERYONE. Men and women alike, as well as rape victims/survivors. It has a section on how loved ones can help someone who has been raped as well as people who have just been raped. I really like this report/book and it is a short read so there really is no excuse not to pick it up and read it.
May 30, 2012
This is a difficult subject but extremely important!
I wasn't surprised about the statistics and saddened by how the victims are treated...experienced many of these things first-hand.
Be careful if you have been through this as the material may bring up body memories and emotions. I had to tread with a light foot and swallow bite-sized pieces in order to protect myself.
I'm greatly inspired to continue writing my own memoirs. For it is in sharing our stories that we are able to heal not only ourselves but others.
Please read this...
I wasn't surprised about the statistics and saddened by how the victims are treated...experienced many of these things first-hand.
Be careful if you have been through this as the material may bring up body memories and emotions. I had to tread with a light foot and swallow bite-sized pieces in order to protect myself.
I'm greatly inspired to continue writing my own memoirs. For it is in sharing our stories that we are able to heal not only ourselves but others.
Please read this...
August 7, 2018
24 years later, it's disappointing how timely this feels.
And I do wonder if the survey were taken again if we would find that some of the numbers have improved, but there is still too much evidence that too many men do not see that women should be able to control access to their bodies.
The material is handled very well, and the suggestions are pretty practical. I can imagine some criticism of the emphasis on self-defense, but even with that the book does talk about teaching men not to rape, and the merit of that has been pretty well-established by now.
And I do wonder if the survey were taken again if we would find that some of the numbers have improved, but there is still too much evidence that too many men do not see that women should be able to control access to their bodies.
The material is handled very well, and the suggestions are pretty practical. I can imagine some criticism of the emphasis on self-defense, but even with that the book does talk about teaching men not to rape, and the merit of that has been pretty well-established by now.
May 11, 2010
This book isn't what generally comes to mind when I try to think of "four-star reading," but it's a fair assessment for the subject it takes on and the sheer volume of information it attempts to convey. The downside of reading it in 2010, of course, is that the information is dated, so some of the recommendations that it stressed as critical -- such as greater education on college campuses of the dangers posed by binge drinking, frat parties or even walking alone at night -- are now common. The writer clearly has a bias, which is something I tend not to favor in books. But I respected her perspective and her attempt to educate readers about the volume of acquaintance and date rapes, the impact such attacks have on women, how hard it is for victims to speak up and what typically happens when they do. It's really too bad there isn't a more current volume.
March 27, 2016
Quick, easy read, but very heavy. I appreciate how many stories this book had, making the content very accessible and understandable. You can read rape theory all you want, but it doesn't click until you can imagine the details of the situation unfolding and realize situations in your circles where this might have/is happening. The one thing is that they present their statistics as hardcore fact, which is a little difficult to swallow. I know it's not meant to be a totally scientific statsy book, but I think you always need to be careful about stats. Additionally, be a little more careful about dismissing all rapes other than male-on-female rapes as a infinitesimally small likelihood and not worth talking about, because that's a sweeping, dumb assumption and if you're going to use the she/her/hers series throughout the book, you've gotta do a better job defending your reasoning.
November 30, 2018
This took longer than it should have to finish, I guess because I didn't connect with the author’s writing. I found her language polarizing, problematic, and patronizing.
For instance, there’s a part where the author mentions that most women think of rapists as strangers that are “black, Hispanic, or other minorities” and then are shocked when it turns out to be “regular guys.” Then she goes on to say, “where once they feared strange men as they were taught to, they now fear strange men and all the men they know.”
(Even though 57% of rapists are white men, somehow white men are still regular and minorities are “strange.”)
In another passage where she discusses preventative measures when you’re being raped, you could always pick your nose, belch, and fart.
2.5 stars.
For instance, there’s a part where the author mentions that most women think of rapists as strangers that are “black, Hispanic, or other minorities” and then are shocked when it turns out to be “regular guys.” Then she goes on to say, “where once they feared strange men as they were taught to, they now fear strange men and all the men they know.”
(Even though 57% of rapists are white men, somehow white men are still regular and minorities are “strange.”)
In another passage where she discusses preventative measures when you’re being raped, you could always pick your nose, belch, and fart.
2.5 stars.
September 11, 2011
This is a good book for anyone who has survived sexual assault or rape from a friend or acquaintance. I highly recommend it as part of the healing process of a double betrayal- not only the physical attack, but also the loss of trust of a friend.
February 1, 2011
Profound and essential.
November 18, 2020
My 14-year-old daughter recommended this book to me and I recommend it to every parent and teen out there. Growing up in the 80s and 90s the stories were more than a little familiar and while I'd like to think our society has changed, it hasn't changed enough. Rape culture is still alive and well and we need to continue to raise awareness, especially among young people, that it needs to stop.
May 22, 2024
This is the only book I’ve found on the topic. It’s horrific and not surprising. What is surprising is that we don’t talk about it. Or maybe it’s not surprising at all. It’s a validation. Another book to make my kids read.
January 26, 2024
Had to read for class. I’m sure for the time it was like incredible and awesome but to me it’s just meh.
October 11, 2022
This one should really be rewritten to include more recent data. I'm sure very little will have changed, but it would strengthen the argument that this remains a prevalent issue today.
As a survivor, this was an emotionally challenging read, but I'm glad I read it. My teenage son will be reading with his dad next. "It is men who rape and men who collectively have the power to end rape."
As a survivor, this was an emotionally challenging read, but I'm glad I read it. My teenage son will be reading with his dad next. "It is men who rape and men who collectively have the power to end rape."
December 31, 2012
This book is quite outdated and I feel that for the most part it no longer applies. A lot of laws have changed and society's view of what is and is not acceptable have changed as well. But, this was some good insight as to how far we've really come in recognizing sexual assault. The only section I thought was a little uncalled for was the section about how to minimize your chances of being date-raped. The tone almost seemed to victim blame in this area, although I know that was not the intent (nor the tone of the rest of the book). The section I thought was most interesting was at the end-where the author discusses different methods of awareness being used at colleges across America.
It would be nice to see if a similar study had been done more recently than the 1980s and compare the data.
It would be nice to see if a similar study had been done more recently than the 1980s and compare the data.
September 1, 2012
While reading this book, I was so shocked at how similar our stories are. How we deal with the same feelings of shame, embarrassment, guilt, confusion and anger. Too often we fear the man walking down the dark alley when we should be worried about the men around us. So many men that aquaintance rape sadly don't even think they have raped. This has to change. We must teach our men to respect women and we must teach our daughters to be assertive. Robin Warshaw's study of 32 universities and colleges with 6,159 participants was a groundbreaking study done in the 80's. Those it is a bit dated, the statistics are still relevant in today's soceity. Everyone, everyone should read this book. Starting in middle school.
June 27, 2015
When I was raped in February of 2006 I felt dirty and guilty. I was certain that I had been asking for what I'd gotten and wasn't able to call the event a rape until many months later. This book helped me cope with the aftermath of an acquaintance rape and helped me forgive myself for something that hadn't been my fault.
February 1, 2008
I had to read this book for a job interview, but it has now gotten me into a women's studies craze. It seriously changed my perspective on gender roles and courtship rituals. It is a little outdated at some points, but still worth a read.
June 22, 2007
although this book is a little outdated--i love her project--it's very near and dear to my heart and projects
August 5, 2009
Having to read this for my new job that I will be doing for two months. Good informational book to read.
January 25, 2012
Amazing, a must read for everyone! Okay, the data is a little out of date, but the message is still loud and clear.
May 7, 2015
Still important and on target.
May 14, 2024
I read the 2019 edition. I don't find the book blames the victim. Instead the author highlights many times that it is not the victims' fault.
The preface by Gloria Steinem, and two forewords almost made me drop the book. Gendered pronouns seem to be the root of all evil for Steinem, and she romanticizes how women used to live in America before the Europeans arrived. The mummies of sacrificed people would disagree with her.
That said, the book is very data oriented, it has explanations about the what happens to the victims (for example the feeling of guilt, the denial of what happened, the fear of not being believed...), explanations about the aggressors, and also tells some of the process the victims have to face if they decide to tell the authorities.
The surviving part was just a list of few advices, like join a survivors' group, prioritize your health and wellbeing, not really ideas that can't be found in any article online or in magazines.
The book is oriented mainly to women as victims but it also mentions teen girls. It doesn't mention almost anything about male victims. The author takes a clear position that associations that defend "wrongly accused" men (author's own quotation marks), do a disservice to the victims.
The book is not neutral, that's clear, but I do think the data and explanations make it an important reading but with a critical, and discerning mind to see what's just ideology and what is useful.
The preface by Gloria Steinem, and two forewords almost made me drop the book. Gendered pronouns seem to be the root of all evil for Steinem, and she romanticizes how women used to live in America before the Europeans arrived. The mummies of sacrificed people would disagree with her.
That said, the book is very data oriented, it has explanations about the what happens to the victims (for example the feeling of guilt, the denial of what happened, the fear of not being believed...), explanations about the aggressors, and also tells some of the process the victims have to face if they decide to tell the authorities.
The surviving part was just a list of few advices, like join a survivors' group, prioritize your health and wellbeing, not really ideas that can't be found in any article online or in magazines.
The book is oriented mainly to women as victims but it also mentions teen girls. It doesn't mention almost anything about male victims. The author takes a clear position that associations that defend "wrongly accused" men (author's own quotation marks), do a disservice to the victims.
The book is not neutral, that's clear, but I do think the data and explanations make it an important reading but with a critical, and discerning mind to see what's just ideology and what is useful.
January 31, 2020
I was a feminist for many years and even 3 years ago, I wouldn’t have questioned anything about this book. Now I know better. I am very sympathetic to rose victims. I was raped when I was a senior in high school. I know how horrible it is. But we need real data to help rape victims, not exaggeration. The studies they reference that “prove” the high numbers of raps victims are dubious. Look into their data collection methods yourself if you don’t believe me. Rape is an evil act, but there is no rape culture. We do not live in a world that excuses or condones rape. That’s just false. Another book of feminist propaganda. I don’t understand why people have to twist data and lie if they really believe in their argument.
March 6, 2021
As a WGSS graduate and someone who generally keeps up with feminist writing/thinking, I wouldn't exactly say that I learned a ton from INCIR, so much as it condensed down a lot of information about rape and sexual assault and provided an interesting look at where we were in our understanding of this violence 25 years ago. The critiques that its tone is outdated, its assumption that only women are victims and men are perpetrators is patently false, and its approach to "rape prevention" leans too heavily on victims – it's all valid. So, approach it as a historical text, not an instructional guide. And, you know, steel yourself for the "twist" ending – that things have gotten no better since 1985.
August 31, 2019
The only reason I didn’t give this book 5 stars is because in the beginning it states that rape is unavoidable in this day and age but in the ending chapters talks about how to “avoid” rape. I find that an extremely dangerous mindset. I also had issues with the section that educated men on what they could do to prevent rape. Those things aside I loved the balance between factual information and stories from survivors. I am a sex abuse survivor and this book inspired me to get help. I think this is a hugely important book for everyone to read.
June 16, 2021
My six-word memoir: eye-opening, chilling, cathartic about acquaintance rape.
The most common type of rape is acquaintance rape. I read that word for the first time in this book. There are many personal stories and points of view presented in this book. Some of them were chilling. This book should be essential reading for teenage girls and girls who will be leaving for university soon. It should be a part of every woman's education.
The most common type of rape is acquaintance rape. I read that word for the first time in this book. There are many personal stories and points of view presented in this book. Some of them were chilling. This book should be essential reading for teenage girls and girls who will be leaving for university soon. It should be a part of every woman's education.
November 2, 2024
i guess i should have known what i was getting myself into by reading a book on rape originally published in the 80s but even considering the time period, i found myself really disgruntled with some of the content. Warshaw’s conclusions that women should stop feeling like they need to be nice, should be more assertive, etc. were just unbelievably dense and missed the entire point. very victim blamey
February 25, 2025
It says it’s updated. Not really. The forward was updated but all the data is from the 80s. Rape may be rape But these statistic are way off for today’s reality. Also, it’s basically just statistics.
The title is misgiving. I was looking for emotion support, understanding and generational reasoning for why I didn’t call it rape, when it was indeed. The understanding is not there, Not there at all.
The title is misgiving. I was looking for emotion support, understanding and generational reasoning for why I didn’t call it rape, when it was indeed. The understanding is not there, Not there at all.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 55 reviews