The Me, Without: A Year Exploring Habit, Healing, and Happiness

by Jacqueline Raposo

A Main Selection of the One Spirit Book Club!"Raposo's engaging report on stripping life down will inspire readers looking for manageable tweaks to hectic living." — Publishers WeeklyAt the age of thirty-four, journalist Jacqueline Raposo finds herself sick, single, broke, and wandering in a fog. Despite decades of discipline, her chronic illness is getting worse. Despite hosting a radio show about dating, she hasn't been in love in years. And despite a successful writing career, she's deeply in debt. Weary of trying to solve her problems by adding things to her life, she attempts the opposite and subtracts some of her most constant habits — social media, shopping, sugar, and negative thoughts — for periods of thirty to ninety days over the course of one year.In this intimately curated search for self-improvement (a quest that readers can easily personalize for themselves), Raposo confesses to the sometimes violent and profound shifts in her social interactions, physical health, and sense of self-worth. With the input of doctors, psychologists, STEM experts, and other professionals, she offers fascinating insights into how and why our brains and bodies react as they do to our habits. She also sheds light on the impact of our everyday choices on our mental state. Part memoir, part case study, this book offers you an inspiring example of how to forge your own journey, expose your  wounds, and help yourself heal. "No cheesy self-help here, The Me, Without is sharply written and massively relatable. Raposo packs a powerful message into an emotional and entertaining read." — Kaia Roman, author of The Joy Plan"Jacqueline is able to make me chuckle with one sentence and then have a deep introspective moment in the next. Her openness and honesty is truly amazing. If you have been looking to examine your relationship with the world, this is the book for you!" — Travis McElroy, host of the podcasts My Brother, My Brother, and Me and The Adventure Zone"So many of us live in terror of deprivation, whether it's tangible, edible, social, physical, financial, or emotional, because we are terrified of what we'll see when we're stripped bare. In Jacqueline Raposo's brave, rigorous, and vulnerable exploration of what it means to live without, the author uses periods of deliberate abstinence from habits to find new ways to engage with the world, determine what's been pinning her in place, and reveal the person she truly can be when she's freed of it all. It's essential reading for anyone on the cusp of making a major life change — or even a minor one." — Kat Kinsman, author of Hi, Anxiety

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Memoir, Personal Development, Biography

260 pages, Kindle Edition

Published January 16, 2019

About the author

Hello! I'm Jacqueline Raposo: food journalist, podcast producerer, bird watcher, dog cuddler, and chronically ill + disabled slow-living human. Thanks for spending some time reading with us,

You can read the first chapter of my book for free at www.jacquelineraposo.com.

-Jacqueline

Reviews

[Krystelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

Well, there go the remnants of my social media (not you, Goodreads- at this point, you're practically a career).

I really enjoyed this book. It's not joyful or happy in a lot of ways, and it gives a very stark reality about living with chronic illness as well as trying to manage your life in ways that society puts forth as gleaming and helpful. This book shows that those changes can be fundamentally helpful, and may give a sense of perspective, but that not all of them apply to everyone, and some of them probably aren't worth even bothering with. This goes into the life of the author in ways that some might find confronting and hard to accept- but it illustrates how chronic illnesses work and determine activities and life itself.

I really enjoy the concept too of setting one's own goals in regards to giving up certain things and then seeing how your reliance levels remain in the wake of that. The social media one seems to have been of the most benefit, but I'm sure that the others will have individual meaning depending on who the person is who picks up this book. Sometimes, you can be happier without, and this book illustrates that beautifully.

[Karma · Rating 3 out of 5]

Content: A book about forming new habits is totally my jam. I love to read and am always trying to make my life healthier and more meaningful. The book is divided into ten chapters where the author is trying to build a new habit like no sugar or no shopping. She consults various people while working on her habit missions and documents the rocky road to habit formation.

Writing: This is where the book will either be a hit or a miss for you. Some people would love the writing style and some people wouldn't. Unfortunately for me, the writing style wasn't my cup of tea. I found it fluffy, rambling, disjointed and lacking any depth. But it may just be me. I know people who liked this book specifically because of the writing style.

Miscellaneous: Nothing new, nothing ground breaking. You should read a chapter first to see if you like the writing style. If you do, go ahead and devour the book. If you don't, well leave it alone and take another look at your long TBR list.

I received a free copy of the book from Netgalley. It doesn't impact my views in any manner.

[Jesus R.]

the best book

[Stella · Rating 2 out of 5]

One of my library downloads
A quick, cutesey read with no significant takeaways for me.

[Sara · Rating 2 out of 5]

I really hated her writing style, which made me feel guilty. The positives of the book were that I gained more empathy and understanding of what living with a chronic disease is like. I also thought she included some very thought-provoking data points, like when she writes that "the fashion industry is now responsible for 10 percent of all global carbon emissions, second only in pollution to the oil industry." Facts like those were very eye opening, but I had to wade through too much of what I found to be very boring.

[Srividya Raghavan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good book. Gave me insights on how I can think about writing a book. Personal Projects. And how to compile content on them. the project idea itself was quite nice and well documented. Loved her lessons after each without session.

[David · Rating 4 out of 5]

looks like a high standard deviation in other reviews, and I can sort of see that. I enjoyed very much following her year of trying to change various habits (no social media, no sugar, no shopping for unnecessary stuff, no working after 5 pm, etc. etc.) and observe the impact on her life and her relationships.

I found her writing style funny and charming, but I can also imagine readers who experienced it as cloying -- she likes the Gilmore Girls [even the reboot, which i wasn't able to get into] a lot and mentions this often; she gives everybody nicknames (Dear Friend Jane, Roomie Erika, Loneliness Cacioppo), which i actually found kind of helpful in keeping straight what their significance was but, again, could grate on some.

A central character, so to speak, is her Lyme disease, which of course sets constraints on what she is up for trying as she puts herself out there by way of enhancing her dating and professional lives.

One way the book stood out from some similar ones I've read is that she takes social science research into consideration quite a bit, seamlessly integrating research on happiness, gratitude, etc. with her own experiences.

Not a heck of a lot happens -- to use her own terms, she starts the year single-sick-broke and ends it the same [though check out the epilogue for updates] but with a more profound appreciation for the importance of her experience/mindfulness/acceptance of seemingly small aspects of daily life. In a nutshell, you can be happier by deliberately taking a different route to walk your dog, going to have your coffee in a place that puts you around other people rather than with a brownie in your bed checking social media, etc., whether or not you marry, get a cure, and double your income.

Not an unprecedented conclusion certainly, but important, and underscored well in her recap of a year of personal experimentation.

[Lana · Rating 3 out of 5]

It started out promisingly enough. The author was unflinchingly honest about how difficult and oftentimes frustrating it was to give up familiar things like scrolling through social media whenever she felt the itch of loneliness or being alone with her thoughts, in contrast to the relentlessly upbeat and 'inspiring' prose of Instagram influencers and YouTubers who make you feel inadequate for not nailing meditation, veganism, or whatever other life-enhancing practice white people appropriated from other cultures. She also does her due diligence, and cites many influential researchers and scientists. However, the final 50 pages were a repetitive slog. I struggled to get through it. I still would recommend it but with a caveat.

[Mark Bond Stak10]

The book was totally amazing.

[Sahifah · Rating 3 out of 5]

I received a free ARC. I was excited to read a self-help memoir by someone suffering from a chronic illness, but this unfortunately missed the mark for me, and I didn't want to continue reading it. It came off as privileged and too personal for my tastes, and the general takeaways felt like really basic concepts to me.

[Ben Rosenblatt · Rating 5 out of 5]

An exceedingly engaging read. Inspiring, educational, emotional and entertaining. Raposo is successful in weaving personal narrative with scientific study to guide us along her messy (just like our lives) journey toward greater self awareness and acceptance. I was, at once, intellectually stimulated and dramatically compelled. Outstanding!

[Marcelo · Rating 5 out of 5]

I do not typically read these types of books but I did enjoy it very much. The writing was excellent; it was like listening to someone's thoughts completely unfiltered and it included well-researched information which was tastefully incorporated throughout. You may not want to or need to embark on the journey the author took but it is still a very interesting read about self-discovery.

[Amy · Rating 3 out of 5]

I loved the concept, but wasn’t a huge fan of the writing. I found myself rushing through the epilogue, just wanting to get it done. That said, I enjoyed the honest, heartfelt way the author shared her experiences and feelings. I’m glad I read it, but also glad that it’s over.

[Mary · Rating 1 out of 5]

UGH! I thought it would be better.

[Rosie · Rating 1 out of 5]

Jacqueline is so aggressively annoying. Super cool concept for a book, disappointingly written.

[Nat · Rating 2 out of 5]

An interesting concept but it was poorly written. The writing didn't flow, and I found the author's voice quite irritating and a bit condescending. Struggled to finish.

[Jill Furedy · Rating 3 out of 5]

I just couldn't quite get into this one. Though gimmicky, the idea of changing things for a year (or however long) is always something I get sucked into reading just because I like to see what habits people try to change, how they attempt to change it and how successful they are. I saw something here about giving up sugar, going zero waste, and thought it might be interesting. But somehow it lost me. The author has a lot of characters she introduces and refers to them often by nicknames. Some are friends, some are love interests, some are researchers (and half the time I didn't get whether she actually spoke to these people or just read their studies). She uses a lot of studies to back up her habits, which kind of lost me. Granted, I'd read about a few of these studies before in other sociology style books. But for some reason jumping between the personal and the academic didn't flow well for me. I didn't feel like a learned a lot and I also didn't feel like I knew the author particularly well. I did feel for her though. She clearly suffered a lot with her disease and I admire her ability to both push herself and find ways to let go of unnecessary things so she and her body could recover. I wasn't particularly interested in her love life, which there was quite a bit of reflection on, since I was reading this to see about changing habits, though I get that the changes were partially to improve her love life as well as the rest of her life. And then there were some sections where she started off trying to change one habit and then proceeds to talk about completely different things within that chapter. I guess they were related. But not enough to connect the dots for me. It seemed like she learned the same lessons over and over again, with different challenges inspiring them each time. And then the last few chapters actually were just her trying the same challenges over and over again, for different time stretches or all combined, etc. Or a chapter where she tried things for a day each but didn't go much into them. I admired her attempts to change and find happiness for herself. It just didn't interest or inspire me as much as I would have liked.

[krsabo · Rating 5 out of 5]

Raposo manages to weave together personal narrative and a positive everyday philosophy about how to reframe the way we look at our own lives. In addition to the personal struggles that we can all relate to, her health creates an extra barrier to many of the things the rest of us take for granted. Tackling her own life and habits systematically, she targets individual areas and assesses growth and change. Her narrative is engaging, humorous, but the reader can really feel her dealing with each challenge (self and life imposed). The journey on which she invites her reader felt intimate and personal and encouraged me to look at my own life through the same lens that she models throughout the book. Rather than feeling overwhelming and self-helpy, she allows the reader to be a fly on the wall, bringing in expert opinions from which we can all learn something. A thoroughly enjoyable and engaging read that just might change the way you look at things in your own life and challenge you to do better.

[Margaret-Ellen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Striking a fantastic balance between subject matter expert-supported insight and personal experience, Raposo’s first book is a vulnerable, warm, humorous recount of a year exploring how habits affect her physical health, social interactions (inclusive of the world at large, not only outings or time with friends or relationships), and sense of self. Heart-forward while straightforward, the author treads mindfully one step at a time through various areas of her life, reflecting on who, what, and where she is now, and how she might reach the “who” she manifests in meditations. If you’re on your own path of exploring your values, motivations, contributions to the world, or just your “best life,” if you love writers who write about writing, or even if you’re looking for a great modern memoir — one that in this case happens to follow a journey of relationships to self, others, chronic illness, sustainability, activism, and what happiness really means, take this book with you on YOUR journey.

[Maggie · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a Massage Therapist I am always looking for ways to improve and support myself in order to better support my clients and Miss Raposo’s book is a breath of fresh air in the world of Personal Growth and Self Care. Her writing style is relatable, easy to read and her personal insights and perspectives are backed up by research and interviews with experts in multiple fields.

I found myself laughing and crying and cheering her on while taking time to reflect on my own situations and perspectives after completing each chapter. She also gave me a gained perspective on how life can be challenging for those around me struggling with autoimmune, sensory and chronic illnesses. I would recommend this book to anyone and everyone who is looking for ways to shift within themselves and their perspectives of those around them.

[Rachel Jacobs · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book! I have been reading Jacqueline's work for many years (back when she wrote a food blog titled The Dusty Baker) and have always enjoyed her writing style. Reading her memoir is a lot like getting a front seat to her mind. You get to ride the ebbs and flows of her thoughts and get a glimpse of what life is like for someone with a chronic illness.
I have to say I loved the epilogue (although I won't say way for chance of any spoilers)...BUT congratulations Jacqueline!!!!!
The book is one that I would recommend to all of my friends as there is something for everyone to learn about ways to make some changes in your life (be it recycling, buying in bulk, or not wearing makeup). It's a great source of inspiration for change and really has me wanting to put together my own list of challenges to tackle.

[Jessica Raposo · Rating 5 out of 5]

The stories of those with chronic illnesses are not often told. Jacqueline's story of one year (in an obviously lifelong struggle to live an normal life while managing diet and pain issues) is filled with her forthright and real quest for happiness - to take an honest look at her approach to life and remove the habits that she didn't realize were holding her back. Each chapter focuses on a challenge she set herself to go without something for a set amount of time - social media, sugar, negative thoughts, etc. I can't fully relate to her health issues, but I found plenty to relate to in her experience with those challenges. She doesn't just tell her story - she tells us the history of how the commercialism of Christmas got started and the psychological ways social media is designed to keep us on it (for example), and those histories and sets of research (with great interviews mixed in) give the reader a lot of ideas for their own possible "challenges" to find happiness by going without. I know I'll have to go back and reread this as I reflect on my own habits and ways to eliminate the ones holding me back - I recommend you try it out and see what it brings to light for you too.

[Elizabeth Stock · Rating 2 out of 5]

I have been struggling to get back into reading in this period of my life. I only skimmed this one so perhaps I didn’t give it much of a chance, but it was more inner monologue ramblings than I cared to read.

The premise is just examining what is in your life and considering what habits aren’t helpful (or possibly harming us). I am just finishing up a year without alcohol and I am on board with considering what we can cut out of our lives. Perhaps next up is cutting down the cell phone addiction…..

[Nicole Raposo · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book gives a powerful perspective on making decisions to better your own life and find happiness. It's not one of those happiness books that makes you feel worse but rather a deep dive into the life of someone who decided to make some changes and to see how they affected her life. I had chills pretty much the whole time (and not only because we share the same last name). She made me giggle and tear up. Read. This. Book.

[JDM · Rating 5 out of 5]

I like that the author of this book is a regular person. Rather than preach about "bad habits," she tells stories about her own experiences and the goals she set for herself. Hearing about her struggles with Lyme disease was very eye-opening, and I really enjoyed the fun moments like the love letter to her right pinky finger, LOL. The No Hustle challenge scares the crap out of me, but I am gonna try it. :) Wish me luck.

[Pam · Rating 3 out of 5]

The author keeps trying to do more to make more money, be successful and find love and happiness. Instead she ends up broke, exhausted and flaring her chronic illness.

She begins small challenges to remove something from her life for a specified duration of time.

Interesting to read her results and makes me think of doing my own challenges, just because.

A quick read, but not life changing for me.

[Chella · Rating 5 out of 5]

Over the course of a year, this book investigates a broad spectrum of ideas, chipping away at external stimulation until our writer gets to the bare bones of the person she is and, ultimately, who she wants to become. While expansive, the story is intimate. While vulnerable, she is impervious. Cheerful, humorous, insightful, and motivating, I found both solidarity with the author and inspiration to pursue mighty shifts in my own life.

[Amelia · Rating 2 out of 5]

Some good things came across in this book, but I nearly sprained my eye muscles in the Quitting Sugar chapter.
Also, if she is so broke, how does she afford to live in two places, see a hypnotherapist routinely, go to all these parties and functions etc?
Unlike other books on similar projects, this one has not inspired me to make change.
I do, however, hope that the author has a period in her life where her chronic illness gives her a break, I think she truly deserves such.

[Lily Blau · Rating 5 out of 5]

I cannot say enough good things about this book!!! It opened my perspective on my life in countless ways, which added up to something quite profound. Raposo's writing is so engaging, the book was a delight. I felt at once that the author was both my guide and my companion on the journey. It's the sort of book I imagine I'll be rereading many times over the years!

[Claudia Blanton · Rating 1 out of 5]

A nonsensical memoir, that bores, without being relatable, sounding more written by someone interested in self-loathing, and complaining, than teaching the lessons she has learned. It is a long torture session, that I can do without. Skip it.