The Horror of Love: Nancy Mitford and Gaston Palewski in Paris and London

by Lisa Hilton

The compelling love story of two extraordinary individuals - Nancy Mitford and Free French commander Gaston Palewski - living in extraordinary times - immortalised in THE PURSUIT OF LOVE'A delicious mix of drama, melancholy and enchantment' DAILY EXPRESS'Entertainingly caustic' SUNDAY TIMES'Bringing to life the worlds of Nancy Mitford's novels' INDEPENDENT'Oh, the horror of love!' Nancy Mitford once exclaimed. Elegant and intelligent, Nancy was a reknowned wit and a popular author. Yet this bright, waspish woman, capable of unerring emotional analysis in her work gave her heart to a well-known philanderer who went on to marry another woman. Was Nancy that unremarkable thing - a deluded lover - or was she a remarkable woman engaged in a sophisticated love affair? Gaston Palewski, was the Free French commander and one of the most influential politicians in post-war Europe. His and Nancy's mutual life was spent amongst the most exciting, powerful and controversial figures in the centre of reawakening Europe. She supported him throughout his tumultuous career and he inspired some of her best work, including The Pursuit of Love. Lisa Hilton's provocative book reveals how, with discipline, gentleness and a great deal of elegance, Nancy Mitford and Gaston Palewski achieved a very adult ideal.

Genres: Biography, Nonfiction, France, Biography Memoir, History, Literary Fiction, London

336 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 2011

About the author

Lisa Hilton is an author and biographer. She grew up in the north of England and read English at New College, Oxford, after which she studied History of Art in Florence and Paris. After eight years in New York, Paris and Milan she has recently returned to England and now lives in London with her husband and their daughter. Her work has appeared in Vogue, Elle, the Evening Standard and the Telegraph, among others.

Reviews

[Susan · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is not a usual biography - it is the biography of a love affair between Gaston Palewski and Nancy Mitford. Gaston Palewski's family were originally from Poland, but he moved to France with an uncle after his father died. After that, he had a deep and emotional loyalty to France. Nancy Mitford immortalised Gaston as Fabrice de Sauveterre in "The Pursuit of Love" and, for twenty nine years, their relationship was the most significant in both of their lives.

This excellent and interesting book describes the early life of both Mitford and Palewski, leading up to their meeting in WWII. There is a lot of background on Palewski's career and his relationship with De Gaulle. Nancy had been engaged to a man who had had an affair with her brother and, after "five years of humiliation and wretchedness," she was jilted. Possibly smarting from the fact that her sister Diana had made a brilliant marriage, she was engaged again within a week. Her marriage to Peter Rodd (nicknamed Prod) was another disaster. Quickly deciding he was the most boring man in the world, Peter turned out to be drunk, lazy and dishonest. When Gaston came on the scene, Nancy was easily smitten. Gaston Palewski was considered ugly, but women adored him and, more to the point, he adored them. He made passes at virtually every women he met and had astonishing success. He was also a snob, moving in exalted circles and less confident than Nancy, whose perception of herself was entirely and unapologetically aristocratic.

Of course, this cannot only be the biography of a relationship, it is also, in many ways, the biography of an era. We have the blitz, the fall of France, its liberation and the re-building of Europe after the war. Palewski was very much involved in France's politics his whole life, as well as becoming an ambassedor to Rome during his long career. Nancy also had a family who were on both political sides of the spectrum. She denounced Diana in 1940 and was partly to blame for her arrest, along with Oswald Mosley. Both she and Palewski mixed with those in power and knew everyone that mattered, from Churchill to Duff and Diana Cooper and encompassing De Gaulle, Evelyn Waugh, Noel Coward, Cecil Beaton and Harold Nicolson, amongst others.

Peter Rodd refused Nancy a divorce for many years, but this may also have saved her face. Would Palewski, this serial adulterer, have married her if he could? He was described as having, "a long career as a Don Juan of snobbery." In a sense, this is a sad book at times. You feel Nancy never really achieved what she wanted - the commitment, family and love she surely needed. However, Gaston Palewski was certainly the love of her life and she probably would not have wanted to change that, even if she could. Their relationship is wonderfully recalled and recounted in this fascinating book. For anyone with an interest in the 'bright young things', the war or the Mitfords, this is a winner.

[Roman Clodia · Rating 3 out of 5]

Having recently re-read (and loved all over again) Mitford's The Pursuit of Love, this is an ideal follow-up telling as it does the real-life love story between Nancy and Gaston Palewski, the original of Fabrice de Sauveterre (who figures briefly in Love in a Cold Climate, too). It wasn't at all a typical love affair, making me empathise all over again with Mitford who seems to have been brighter, more rebellious and far less conventional than some Mitfordiania would have her.

Clever but uneducated (due to her father not seeing any necessity for education for his gals), posh but cash poor, groomed for an eligible marriage and motherhood, Mitford somehow manages to strike her own path via her witty writing, her literary friendships, and this long-standing love affair that overturns romantic ideals. In reading this it's clear to see where the not-quite-cynicism of the later novels comes from.

Alongside the portrait of Nancy and, briefly, her famous family, there is a detailed mini-life of Palewski, especially his standing alongside General de Gaulle and the Free French.

This is a dual biography which makes Nancy's love life feel strikingly modern.

[Annabel Frazer · Rating 2 out of 5]

I have to admit to being a little disappointed with this. Perhaps I read it for the wrong reasons. As a big Mitford fan, I read almost everything I can get hold of to do with them and having recently read a Nancy Mitford biography I enjoyed very much (Laura Thompson), this felt frustratingly slight. Perhaps there just isn't that much more to say about Nancy and Gaston Palewski.

I also found the history of Gaston's political career rather dull (which perhaps says more about me than about the book!). Finally, there was an irksome sense of spin about some passages, the author rather defensively arguing the case for Nancy and Gaston's romance - that it mattered, that it was admirable, that they loved one another, that they were happy. I would rather have had the facts from a less partisan voice. However, it's a well-written and thorough book which will certainly interest anyone who wants to know more about Gaston Palewski.

[Jaylia3 · Rating 5 out of 5]

Horror of Love is a unique, fascinating addition to the Mitford cannon of books. It covers, in depth, some of the most interesting times and aspects of Nancy’s life, like her early love relationships, her involvement in helping victims of the Spanish civil war, her experiences in London during WWII and her life afterward in France. There is a lot more background on wartime and post-war Europe than I’ve seen in other Mitford books, and it’s packed with intriguing information about Gaston Palewski, Nancy’s longtime love, including his political beliefs, his relationship to Charles De Gaulle, his wartime activities, his post-war government career, his flirtations with other women and his eventual marriage--not to Nancy--which wasn’t the ideal match that he must have hoped it would be.

Gaston might have been better off marrying Nancy, with whom he remained close until her death, but author Lisa Hilton makes a strong case that while Nancy had hoped Gaston would marry her, the love she felt for Gaston and pleasure she took in his company and their romance was valid and clear-eyed, not deluded or pitiable, a viewpoint that differs somewhat from other of Nancy’s biographers. Another difference is Hilton sees no hypocrisy in Nancy’s denunciation of Diana to British authorities, which as it turns out wasn’t what lead to Diana’s horrific incarceration during the war anyway, that was the work of Diana’s ex-father-in-law. As Hilton sees it, Nancy had good reason to wonder what Diana was up to in her many prewar visits to Germany, and Nancy did her patriotic duty to tell authorities about her doubts when they asked. While Diana was incarcerated Nancy then did her sisterly duty by supporting her everyway she could. Diana and Nancy were close for the rest of Nancy’s life, and it wasn’t until after her death that Diana found out what Nancy had done.

In general, Lisa Hilton takes Nancy refreshingly seriously, and without blindly agreeing with all of Nancy’s opinions Hilton respects Nancy as an astute observer of culture and an intelligent and insightful writer., Nancy’s wit, determination to laugh, and refusal to dwell on ugliness are celebrated and showcased in Horror of Love. That, and Hilton’s fresh and somewhat controversial evaluation of Nancy’s life make Horror of Love worth reading for anyone interested in the Mitford family.

[Katy · Rating 4 out of 5]

My Mitford Mania is well-documented and well-researched, so I opened this book with a hefty dose of realism for the fact that there might be nothing new here. I adore Nancy and all her prickly, sarcastic, strange tics. Her tragic love for the Colonel, her buoyant love for Paris -- I've read it all. The chapters on Gaston and the reams of De Gaulle (YAWN -- I'm sure he is riveting in another context, but here he is just monotonous) were fairly new, though I would have loved more dirt. What I did enjoy was the surprising and refreshing view of Nancy and Gaston's relationship as a happy and content one, for both parties. Hilton refuses to cast Nancy as the trod-upon, long-suffering mistress who clutches at her Colonel for dear life. Yes, she loved him. Yes, she was obsessed with him. But Nancy was also a highly sought writer, accomplished novelist and lady-about-town -- professions that hardly befit a lovelorn obsessive hanging around the telephone waiting for a drop of honey from her man. There is tragedy here, but there is also light and laughter and love. Lots and lots of love.

[AshleyJean6 · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book sounded good on the jacket, BUT beware. You must be a Mitford aficionado before undertaking this. The author dives in assuming the reader is not just familiar, but deeply knowledgeable about both the Mitford family and their dramatic history (down to the relationship and histories or various cousins and inlaws), and Nan y Mitford's writing.
Characters both in real life and out of Nancys books are talked about without reference to who they actually are. Many times I found it hard to determine if fact or fiction was being discussed. And the author not only was supremely unhelpful in identifying people, but her history of Nancy Mitford and her lover Gaston is hugely unorganized, chaotic and boring. It's more a collection of facts, not at all a readable or relatable narrative.
I learned about French history especially as it related to WWII. And found pieces interesting. Overall, a badly done book. Definitely not a good place to start reading about The Mitfords!
Don't waste your time like I.

[Hester · Rating 1 out of 5]

The Horror of Love is less a love story and more of a history of the Free French movement and of Charles De Gaulle and his most ardent supporter Gaston Palewski. Since I didn't want to read a book on De Gaulle's struggle to free France, this story had little appeal to me. I did gobble up any and all bits about Nancy and her eccentric and somewhat horrible family but Gaston and De Gaulle left me bored and frustrated, theirs was not the love story I wanted, I wanted the story I was promised in the title.

[Patrick Jauffret · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not very well written. I was irritated by the author's many clunky and poorly-structured sentences, which sometimes made the reading experience itself quite annoying.

[Andie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Nancy Mitford's dual novels, The Pursuit of Love and Love in a Cold Climate are two of my favorite books and never fail to lift me up when I get depressed. In both of them, a devastatingly charming Frenchman, Fabrice, the Duke de Sauveterre,plays a central role. In real life, Fabrice was Gaston Palewski, one of Charles de Gualle's most trusted Resistance supporters and then a member of de Gualle's successive governments. He was also the love of Mitford's life.

This book covers the familiar Mitford ground of the eccentric family and it isn't until we are halfway through the book that we finally come to the main event of the Nancy/Gaston love affair. Unlike her frothy novels, after a couple of years of blissful happiness, the affair was mostly one-sided on Mitford's side. Gaston is almost a prototypical Frenchman - charming, urbane and unable to be faithful.

Mitford is shown to be continually keeping up a good front, but not earning much happiness despite all her efforts. Sometimes life cannot imitate art.

[Jane Routley · Rating 4 out of 5]

A great way to find out about Mitford, Palewski and French poltics just after WW2.

[Simon · Rating 4 out of 5]

Much, much better than I had thought it would be, although she falters a bit during the 1960s. In fact, they were more interesting apart than together, and she never really builds a case for them as a "couple" outside of their narrowly defined romance (narrowly defined by Palewski, anyway). But it was refreshing to read someone make the case that Mitford's view of the relationship was not "modern", and that she was personally satisfied by her life. I also liked the swipes at Diana.

[Ginny · Rating 3 out of 5]

I am a longtime fan of books about the Mitfords, but this had too much about Palewski's military and political careers and too little about his relationship with Nancy Mitford to suit me.

[Dierregi · Rating 3 out of 5]

Nancy Mitford: Unlucky in love? You be the judge. She was engaged to a gay man for five years, married a dull one who lived off her, and spent 30 years as the part-time mistress of a French womanizer. Not exactly the fairy tale one might expect.

Her love life wasn’t what you’d call triumphant, but aristocrats do things differently. She was meant to marry well, but her debut was a flop. Enter Hamish Erskine — gay, possibly interested in her brother, and not exactly Prince Charming. When that fizzled, she quickly tied the knot with Prod — more a desperate leap than love, probably because she didn't want to end up as a thirty-year-old tragic spinster. In 1933 a married woman had more freedom than an unmarried one.

But the real comedy began in 1942 when at 38 she fell for Gaston Palewski, a short, stocky French philanderer who charmed her for eight months... and never quite stopped stringing her along. He bedded his way through Europe’s high society, always aiming for rich, married women. His idea of seduction? Opening the door naked and ready for action.

The book devotes several tedious chapters to Gaston’s post-war career, with Nancy in the background, writing, entertaining in her Paris apartment, and buying Dior gowns — not exactly riveting.

Despite her literary success with "The Pursuit of Love" and subsequent works, Nancy continued to prioritize Gaston, even though he made it clear for years that he would never marry (her). His refusal wasn’t due to a dislike of marriage — he simply preferred a bride wealthier than Nancy, because, in the end, he married a richer Protestant divorcee. But even that didn’t end their bizarre dance. She kept him around until her death, her signature sarcasm intact but increasingly hollow.

What struck me as bizarre in the book is the attempt to frame this relationship as mutually satisfying. Nancy is portrayed as happily escaping her family, enjoying the Parisian social whirl while remaining faithful to Gaston — apparently, because it was her "nature." Meanwhile, Gaston is painted as equally content, indulging his borderline pathological womanizing, because, well, that’s just what French men do, and Nancy must accept it graciously.

Even acknowledging that monogamy wasn’t the norm — or even expected — Gaston’s behavior comes off as callous and selfish, while Nancy’s feels passive-aggressive.

Was she happy or just playing along? With aristocrats, who knows? Maybe a stiff upper lip covers a world of bitterness.

[Jessie · Rating 2 out of 5]

The Horror of Love

I’m not sure whether the mistake of this book was on the author’s part or on mine for picking up something on a topic that I know nothing about but was eager to learn and read. Discovering new interests is very important to me and I find that diving in is sometimes the best way to find out if something is fascinating or not - this was the wrong book to do that with.

The topic of love in this book is faint. It’s a candle in a cave, spreading just a little bit of light but not enough to fill it up. Nor does it seem to be about Nancy and Gaston - it’s about Nancy and it’s about Gaston. It’s like two separate incomplete biographies smashed together and the few connections are pinched and the author just had to hope that the pieces would fit. Unfortunately, it has collapsed.

Learning about Nancy was alright but going through the Gaston chapters was an absolute nightmare. It spoke more of his love of another man than it did about him and Nancy. In fact, the two of them aren’t together very much at all in the book. I was hoping for a story of true love in a hard time, something real to hold onto rather than a fanciful fiction. I didn’t get anything that I was hoping for with this book. It delved too much into politics rather than on the two main people.

As well, I find that some of the details were missing. The book would talk about Nancy’s reputation with other ladies and it didn’t make much sense how they would think that way. It made it seem as if there’s things that Hilton was leaving out.

Alas, I must give a rating worthy of my indecision on who is to blame.

4/10 - I may have picked up the wrong book but I think the author picked up the wrong subject matter.

[Deb · Rating 4 out of 5]

For Mitford fans only (actually, probably for Mitford obsessives only), this is a useful book that fills in all kinds of blanks in the lives of both the principals.

It also plausibly makes the case that on Nancy Mitford's own terms, her life was actually quite pleasant despite childlessness and the awful end in the form of a particularly painful and grueling cancer. She enjoyed decades of friendship, travel, and comfort, an unusual degree of literary acclaim for a woman of her background, and all the pleasures and opportunities a comfortable income can buy.

Her surviving sisters, especially the fascist Diana (who may well have been settling an old and understandable score), moved swiftly after her death to create the myth of Sad, Dreadful Nancy, conjuring up an empty, bitter, lonely existence for the older sister who had so intimidated all the sisters in life but was easy pickings in death. Most observers accepted this sisterly revisionism without question: this book offers a bit of a challenge to that notion.

[Susan Liston · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5. Truthfully I almost DNF'd this, but then i noticed that I was more than halfway through, so I went ahead and finished it. It's odd because it's almost as though you would have to know quite a bit about the Mitfords already to follow this at all, yet if you've already read a lot about them it's sort of repetitious.
But they are an interesting bunch, that's for sure.

[Catherine · Rating 3 out of 5]

Truth is Lisa Hilton is not much of a writer, which is a pity because I am interested in her subject. Long rambling sentences and a lack of explanation or context for the French part of the story make this heavy weather. Agree with another reviewer that the photo choices (and their captions) are perplexing, too.

[Jerel Wilmore · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very interesting book--essentially, it's a biography of a love affair between two interesting people: one of the notorious Mitford sisters and a Free French colonel who was a companion of Charles De Gaulle.

[Audrey M · Rating 3 out of 5]

As is often the case with the Mitford sisters' biographies, hectic lives and historical movements go hand in hand. This love story is no exception. It is based on the premise that these exciting women are often inspired by the politics of the man they choose to love (Jessica and Esmond, Unity and Hitler, Diana and Mosley and… Nancy and Gaston). This is why French history, from the politics of De Gaulle to May '68, is developed at length in this book. Unfortunately, political movements end up taking precedence over the love story. The relationship with De Gaulle sometimes overshadows that of Nancy and Gaston, the author stating that “Gaston’s relationship with De Gaulle was the most significant of his life”. The lives of Nancy and Gaston are narrated in parallel without really coming together. For example, the narrative of their meeting is only one sentence at the beginning of the book, and the moments shared between the lovers do not exceed three to four chapters.
A fascinating book, which taught me a lot about French history and offered some interesting analyses of Mitford's novels, but which still left me frustrated. It did not seem to live up to the promise stated in its title.

[Bronwyn Mcloughlin · Rating 4 out of 5]

I will admit to a fascination with all things Mitford, and Nancy in particular. A well written examination of the relationship between de Gaulle's go to man and the bitingly cynical author as well an interesting exploration of society and especially marriage in England and France amongst a certain class. My only discontent is with the repeated assertions that despite his involvement with a rather large range of women apart from Nancy, especially towards the end of her life, there is an insistence, that is not really proved, that Gaston really loved her. For all Nancy's insistence that such arrangements were far more adult than any boring monogamy, Gaston cannot, surely, be seen as treating women with any kind of respect that sees them as more than trivial, inconsequential playthings or useful tools in achieving means in a bigger picture beyond women's ken. I cannot really respect Gaston, despite the ambivalence or inability to criticize in this work. Nancy reaches a kind of acceptance, and given her own active intellectual life, maybe it really suited her to live thus. But it is not as comfortable as might be suggested. But I really enjoyed this read, with quotes from letters from other names, and entirely entertaining.

[Robyn Smith · Rating 3 out of 5]

Another Mitford book!, but fascinating nonetheless.
Nancy Mitford, acclaimed author (The Pursuit of Love) and lover of the good life, happened to fall in love with a womanising French politician, with Polish connections, Gaston Palewski, and managed her way through a minefield of treachery and betrayal on a personal level for over thirty years (hence the title)
Palewski and Mitford were both married to other people but their affair was common knowledge on both sides of the Atlantic and "their set", the upper middles, also knew he was unfaithful to his mistress as well as his wife. Looking at photos of him I can't see the attraction, but the ways of love are strange.
Hilton writes well and keeps you entertained and horrified with stories of the lax morals of these privileged ex-pats. Somehow, it still grates, though, that Nancy was the sister of Diana and Unity Mitford who embraced Nazism with such relish. I know Nancy didn't but still....

[Luci · Rating 2 out of 5]

If you have read Mary Lowell's book on the Mitford sisters, this book makes a lot more sense. But the problem with that reading order is that it makes an unfair comparison. Lowell's book is a far more complete picture of Nancy. Also, at times, it seems like the political side of Gaston is filler for the story of he and Nancy, to the book's detriment. I didn't get much more out of this book than Gaston's politics but there were a few entertaining sections (Nancy and Gaston's view of the sixties and the portraits of some of the people they ran with). This book is interesting due to the sections on Free France but really did not dig into the relationship between Nancy and Gaston on more than a surface level.

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is an excellent book, both for anyone interested in European politics of the mid 20th Century and for those into the Mitfords and their world. I have read much about the Mitfords previously, but still found a lot of new material here. I was also pleased to be educated about France during and after WW2 and de Gaulle. If you're after a bit of romance, then you might be put off by all the politics and philosophy but at the heart of the book is a sad love story that has food for thought for all of us.

My only gripe is the bits in French. Sometimes my schoolgirl pidgin Francais didn't run to some of the sentences and you're often not given a translation.

[False · Rating 4 out of 5]

I've read just about everything published about "The Bright Young Things," and the Mitford family (and their associates.) This book tackles a not much discussed aspect of Nancy's life--that of her long love for Gaston Palewski. So many criticize her for not getting him out of her life. She was a successful writer, she was rich (from her own work,) she was independent (to a major degree,) and she was part of "the society of the world." But she lived in a different era, with different values. I don't find that time changes affairs of the heart, much. We love what we love. We endure what we endure. We hope for the best. I will always be reading about the Mitfords.

[Pip · Rating 3 out of 5]

Having just read three of Nancy Mitford's books I thought this biography fascinating. What interesting lives the Mitfords lead! It is also the story of Gaston Palewski, who was General de Gaulle's right-hand man. Much of the politics of the Free French was vague in my mind and so I enjoyed having background information described from the viewpoint of one of its proponents. It was also interesting to see how much of the background to Nancy's books is autobiographical. I know intend to read The Mitford Girls which has been on my shelf for years.

[David · Rating 4 out of 5]

I find the story very compelling (hence the four stars) but it would have been 5 stars if it had been better written. But I shouldn't complain, I'm glad the author wrote it, as I knew virtually nothing about Palewski before, so I learned a lot (and always find Nancy Mitford fascinating). An unusual love story, to the extent that it is one.

[Spinster · Rating 3 out of 5]

Really nice portrait of Nancy--I've always thought she was mistreated by some of her biographers and can't stand it when people try to tear her apart for denouncing Diana, who deserved everything she got (if not worse). I wish the book had been entirely Mitford-centric since the parts about Gaston and de Gaulle are dead boring.

[Grizel]

didn't finish.

[Annie Garvey · Rating 4 out of 5]

In the end, is this a sad story? I'm not sure. I liked both Nancy and Gaston.

[Marcia]

Might go back to this.