Jump to ratings and reviews
Rate this book

Quello che voleva essere

Rate this book
Il graphic novel che ha consacrato Carol Swain. Quello che voleva essere è un tesoro inaspettato con il suo ritmo cinematografico. Helen è una bird watcher dilettante che vive in una comunità rurale del Galles. Quando un agricoltore locale le dice che un «uccello raro» di nome Emrys (nome con cui è spesso chiamato Mago Merlino) si è suicidato in una fattoria vicina, decide di indagare. Uno dei cani della fattoria le spiega che Emrys «non aveva piume e non poteva volare». Il tentativo di Helen di saperne di più si trasforma in un viaggio alla scoperta di sé, della sua libertà e, in ultimo, in una dura riconciliazione con il mondo così com’è.

In Quello che voleva essere, la vita interiore di Helen viene lentamente rivelata attraverso una miscela di dettagli naturalistici e di eventi fantasmagorici; un viaggio in cui la giovane scopre sé stessa attraverso le sue scelte.

176 pages, Hardcover

First published July 28, 2014

4 people are currently reading
435 people want to read

About the author

Carol Swain

24 books23 followers
I can now be reached via my new website:
carolswaincomics.com
where fans can now purchase my original comic art, or just say Hello. Below is my bio, from the site:
Born in London and raised in Wales, Carol Swain is one of the UK's foremost comics creators, whose comic stories and graphic novels have been translated into 15 languages. Dubbed "The Raymond Carver of comics" by Time Out magazine, Carol's many admirers include Pulitzer Prize-winning author Art Spiegelman, underground cartoonist Robert Crumb, UK Comics Laureate Bobby Joseph, and Watchmen and V for Vendetta creator Alan Moore, who wrote the foreword to Carol's acclaimed graphic novel Foodboy.
Carol's father was an architect, her mother an antiques dealer who once took her to the famous Greenham Common protests. After a spell at art school in Stoke-on-Trent, Carol moved back to London. Inspired by the punk ethos of DIY, she began self-publishing her comic Way Out Strips, while contributing stories to various comics journals worldwide, and serving as colourist on the controversial graphic novel Skin. Way Out Strips was eventually picked up by America’s Fantagraphics Books, who would go on to publish Carol's subsequent graphic novels Invasion of the Mind Sappers, Foodboy, Giraffes in My Hair: A Rock’n’roll Life (a collaboration with her partner Bruce Paley), and Gast. Considered by many to be her finest work to date, Gast is a coming-of-age story in which a young English girl investigates the suicide of a reclusive, cross-dressing Welsh farmer by seeking out those who knew him best, though it's his dogs and sheep who have the most to say. Gast has since been optioned for a short film by the French director Frédéric Bayer Azem, and was the subject of a doctoral thesis by Alice Vernon of Aberystwyth University entitled "Exploring Identity, Landscape and Language in Carol Swain’s Gast."
In 2007, pages from Carol’s comics were included in an exhibition at London's Hayward Gallery entitled Cult Fiction, alongside works by the likes of Robert Crumb, Joe Sacco, Dan Clowes, and Raymond Pettibon. Her work has also been exhibited at San Francisco's Cartoon Art Museum.
In 2009, Dark Horse published a career-spanning anthology of Carol's work entitled Crossing the Empty Quarter.
In 2013, Carol was a panellist at the Cork International Short Story Festival, along with Etgar Keret, participating in a discussion of the graphic novel as an art form and its relation to mainstream fiction.
Carol lives in Pembrokeshire with her partner and dog, who seems to have a lot to say. She is currently working on a new graphic novel tentatively entitled Mwnci Swit (Welsh for Monkey Suit), which is set in Llanparc, the fictional Welsh town in which several of her stories are based.

Ratings & Reviews

What do you think?
Rate this book

Friends & Following

Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!

Community Reviews

5 stars
119 (21%)
4 stars
210 (37%)
3 stars
183 (32%)
2 stars
49 (8%)
1 star
3 (<1%)
Displaying 1 - 30 of 77 reviews
Profile Image for Fabian.
1,006 reviews2,121 followers
November 5, 2019
Cinematic and dark, "Gast" is an unexpected treasure. The girl looks to solve the mystery of the dead "bird", one frame at a time!!

Swain employs the 9 frames per page method... all resulting in a pace that is at the same time arresting & smooth. Ever since I met this goat roaming the German country side I think I am done with goat meat! This book will make you feel akin to this (new & alien) feeling, as they are witnesses to Helen's fish-outta-water plight.

Very poignant!
Profile Image for Dave Schaafsma.
Author 6 books32.2k followers
November 2, 2014
See, this is the kind of story I like, very minimal, expressed mainly through visuals and through a lot of people who don't talk much. A girl moves to Wales and spends most of her time outdoors, and very soon begins investigating the death of a neighbor, piecing it together with the help of some people.. and animals. Of course talking animals is a staple of comics and other works of literature, I am thinking of Charlotte's Web, Animal Farm, Maus, and more recently in Adam Hines's Duncan the Wonderdog, Show One. Swains' animals are calm, articulate, insightful and more connected to the earth than any humans. They remind me of the gentler animals in Hines.. and E.B. White.

Swain show us lots of (rural) landscapes, it's maybe the center of the book, the Welsh countryside, and you can maybe intuit some relationship between what happens to the neighbor, and his life, to the landscape, but Swain doesn't do that for you. And all the drawing is in charcoal…. the cover is in color, and lovely, and muted, but the story inside is all black and white, and also consistently muted throughout, emotionally and as charcoal seems to do. There are no wild or manic characters in it, so some readers may be just flat out bored. Even the girl is sort of flat; she is quiet and introspective. This comic has the feel of Nate Powell and Adam Hines, a kind of deadly serious tone, with slightly ominous portents, it feels like danger is close to us, but we are not so close to the madness as we get in Powell and Hines, not that crazy. I think it is beautiful work, even if it is not as obviously engaging as it could be. It's subtle; take a deep breath; it sort of invites you in. I liked the girl's quietly intense curiosity about her missing neighbor. Oh, and a Gast is Welsh for a female dog or bitch, and I guess from her use of this word for the title Swain intends this girl and her experience, to be the center of her story, but I also liked traveling to Wales through her eyes and ears.
Profile Image for S̶e̶a̶n̶.
982 reviews588 followers
October 18, 2020
A poignant, melancholic work tinged with magical realism that captures the sweet innocence and curiosity of youth, the struggles of the alienated among us, and the stark beauty of the Welsh countryside. Captivating in the delicate layers of its profundity.
Profile Image for Sam Quixote.
4,806 reviews13.4k followers
November 24, 2014
Helen, a young girl whose family recently moved to the Welsh countryside, becomes obsessed with the recent suicide of her farmer neighbour, Emrys. As she begins looking into the man’s former life, she discovers his lonely and hard existence, living as a transvestite and working land that yielded little.

Gast – the Welsh word for female dog or bitch – is a very muted story. Carol Swain chooses not to have an omnipotent narrator and there is no inner dialogue from Helen, so the reader is kept at a distance as to what’s unfolding on the page. The book is set out in a traditional nine panel grid throughout meaning the focus is on the content rather than the form. Swain’s charcoal drawings also accentuates the gloomy quietness of her tale – everything is presented in one tone without colour to bring variation to the page.

Helen is a somewhat interesting character. She’s an only child whose parents allow her to roam the countryside by herself, and she brings home the skulls of dead animals. She even has imaginary (or are they?) conversations with Emrys’ farm animals, the dogs and the sheep, who tell her about their former master. Is she crazy? Is she a modern day witch? Is she just an imaginative kid? It’s up to the reader to decide.

The art is very moody and I liked Swain’s eye for what to focus on in her panels, looking as much at the background as she does the characters, making the setting as much of a character itself. The many silent panels and shots of the countryside, along with the charcoal and dark subject matter, do create a potent atmosphere that matched the story perfectly.

I think where the book falls short is its own limited story. We find out nearly everything about both Helen and Emrys by the halfway point and the rest of the book doesn’t add much else to it. It becomes repetitive and slow rather than “meditative” or “philosophical” – I didn’t feel that there was much substance to it overall. For me though, while I usually like these kind of indie comics, Gast was a fine book but underwhelming and dull at times whose light touch was just a bit too light to leave much of a lasting impression.
Profile Image for Luca Masera.
295 reviews77 followers
October 27, 2019
"Quello che voleva essere" è una storia silenziosa, lenta e statica: c’è Helen, una bambina che si è appena trasferita con la famiglia in un isolato villaggio del Galles, non ha amici e passa le giornate a osservare la natura, e poi c’è Emrys, un "uccello raro", uno spirito ribelle che si è suicidato da poco e per questo non si vede mai pur essendo la sua assenza una costante del racconto.

Helen passa da una vignetta all'altra disegnando la natura sul suo taccuino, parlando con gli animali che incontra e al tempo stesso indagando su quello che si nasconde dietro la morte di Emrys: questo viaggio, in bilico tra realismo esasperato e surrealismo magico, la porterà in una inconsapevole scoperta della verità e della propria identità.

Le tavole di Carol Swain (spesso senza didascalie e prive di dialoghi), sono regolari e costanti sia nell'uso del bianco e nero che dello schema (nove vignette per pagina), probabilmente a richiamare il ciclo della natura e, in senso più lato, della vita. I disegni della campagna gallese sono movimentati solo dalla presenza di uccelli che ben incarnano gli spiriti liberi dei due protagonisti.

Recensione difficile così come l'opera in sé che è molto delicata, complessa e, probabilmente, richiede tempo per essere metabolizzata: sono stato a lungo indeciso se dargli due o quattro stelle, ma questo non conta... conta solo che nella vita non è tutto bianco o tutto nero.
Profile Image for Nelson Zagalo.
Author 15 books467 followers
November 17, 2018
Capaz de desenvolver atmosfera e puxar-me para dentro do seu mundo, ainda assim pouco efetivo no desenho e na narrativa. Existe aqui muito potencial, mas precisaria de mais trabalho para se tornar algo verdadeiramente impactante.
Profile Image for Billie Tyrell.
157 reviews38 followers
December 19, 2021
This is awesome on every level and didn't want it to end. I actually wanted it to go on forever but it's really short. Really captures those beatific and solemn countryside walks and the internal narratives you can find on them. Heartbreakingly wistful and also the way she notes down the events that have just been seen in her pad gives it some humour. Felt really sorry for all the animals and hopefully it's one step closer for me to commit to going full vegan.
Profile Image for Reid.
54 reviews5 followers
Read
April 13, 2019
Liked the art and writing styles but have mixed (mostly negative) feelings about the whole "story about a dead trans person from the perspective of a cis person" thing... (if Carol Swain is trans, I take this back)
Profile Image for Jenny, havens skräck.
152 reviews17 followers
May 8, 2024
En lågmäld berättelse om livsöden hos både människor och djur på den walesiska landsbygden. Den hade mycket av det jag gillar i en grafisk roman: fina illustrationer, lagom med text och framförallt stämning. Melankolisk sådan. Ja, jag vill ha mer av Carol Swain.
Profile Image for Przemysław Skoczyński.
1,424 reviews50 followers
August 18, 2024
Ciężko mi tę historię dopiąć podczas lektury. Ciężko dopowiedzieć, uzupełnić, dookreślić. To taka sztuka, która miała ambicję, by być filozoficzną przypowiastką z cechami baśniowymi (rozmowa ze zwierzętami) i dosyć ponurym klimatem walijskiego wioski, ale im dalej w las, tym bardziej zanika sedno. Sąsiad dziewczynki umiera, a z czasem wychodzi na jego temat kilka faktów, które u mnie, jako czytelnika, nie wywołują żadnych interpretacyjnych ambicji. Mam wrażenie straconej szansy na dobrą fabułę, bo zdecydowana większość to ilustracje podróżującej bohaterki, która niby ma się czegoś więcej dowiedzieć, lecz to zaledwie strzępy, z którymi zostaję między pełnymi przestrzeni kadrami. Jeśli mam z tego wyciągać jakieś wnioski o naturze rzeczy czy życia to będą one tak ogólne, że trochę szkoda czasu. Trudno z kolei odmówić Carol Swain umiejętności budowania nieco sennej i ponurej atmosfery, co z w efekcie nieznacznie podnosi ocenę końcową

PS. Widziałem „Gast” na kilku listach najlepszych komiksów, więc tym bardziej zawód
Profile Image for Daniel Gargallo.
Author 5 books10 followers
April 26, 2017
One of those "Rare Candies" in the world that seems to level-up your soul. A triumph of the slice-of-life genre and the nine-panel page, Gast is a gripping book that I could not put down. There is detective work in this story, there are questions, there are answers, but not in the way zealots of the mystery genre would appreciate. It isn't just that there are no easy answers, it is that the mystery of Gast is so genuine and comprehensible that it will offend a conspiracy theorist's sensibilities or even drive him mad. The remarkable simplicity of the work makes your mind second-guess itself, demanding more when there is nothing more to be said. The rejection of the 3-Act structure and conflict-based plot development may offend other readers.

This phenomenon is like hearing that your dog died while you were away at college. Your dog is dead. Your emotions demand alternatives and explanations, all the while thinking, "there has to be more," but no, your dog is dead. It was a nice dog. But your dog is gone. We have to deal with it.



Profile Image for Emilia P.
1,726 reviews71 followers
June 30, 2015
Welsh countryside! Talking dogs and sheep! A strong and weird female protagonist! The history of a transvestite farmer to contend with! This was pretty interesting, and I enjoyed the lovely scenes of the grey and moody countryside. It wasn't perfect, but it was pretty immersive. I wish it had packed more a punch, but I enjoyed reading it, and would check out more Swain stuff if it came up.
Profile Image for Tracey Thompson.
450 reviews75 followers
May 7, 2020
Really bloody beautiful, the illustrations and the narrative. A kind of quiet sorrow. Just wonderful.
Profile Image for Kenya Starflight.
1,662 reviews21 followers
November 27, 2018
Despite seeing this graphic novel on more than one "best of comics" list, I was VERY hesitant to pick it up -- I'd read a previous graphic novel by the author/illustrator, "Foodboy," and found it awful. Still, I'll usually give most writers more than one chance, and so despite my misgivings I opted to pick up "Gast." And it's better than "Foodboy" by a fair margin... but I'm still baffled at how it can be considered one of the greatest graphic novels out there.

"Gast" follows Helen, a girl whose family has recently moved to a new home in rural Wales. She wanders the countryside, fascinated by nature and taking notes about her surroundings. As she converses with the animals, she learns of a "rare bird" that has recently died... and discovers that said "rare bird" is Emrys, a farmer who had a penchant for wearing makeup and women's clothes and ended up committing suicide. Helen sets out to unravel the mystery of who Emrys was, and what led him to take his own life, and in the process ends up connecting with the many lives who touched Emrys'.

I'm still not terribly fond of the art style in Carol Swain's work -- very sketchy and often crude -- but at least it's improved some between "Foodboy" and "Gast." There's more detail when needed, shading has improved, and images aren't so cluttered and hard to make out. All the human characters still have the same face, however, and don't emote terribly well. Perhaps I'm just not a fan of the "indie comic" style...

The story is more coherent here than in "Foodboy" as well, and though it's fairly slow-paced it's thoughtful and quietly tragic, giving us glimpses into the life of a troubled character and the girl investigating his life and death. The "talking animals" angle is never fully explained -- is it a figment of Helen's imagination or does she really have the knack to communicate with the dogs, sheep, and birds? -- but I didn't mind this going unexplained, as it added to the dreamy, phantasmagorical feel of the story. I was a bit disappointed that said story didn't have much payoff in the end... but that's true to real life, in a way. Rarely do mysteries have a neat, satisfactory ending, and sometimes people remain mysteries no matter how closely you examine their lives.

"Gast" was a quietly intriguing read, and I found myself enchanted rather than repelled like I was with "Foodboy." But while comparatively better and actually memorable, the art style is still a turn-off, and the story tends to wander quite a bit and is unevenly paced. It's definitely worth a look, but I'm still baffled as to how it can belong on any "best of" lists.
Profile Image for Love Is All Around.
2,308 reviews68 followers
August 27, 2022
RECENSIONE A CURA DI SLANIF
Helen ha undici anni e da poco si è trasferita in un paesino di campagna con sua madre e suo padre. Grande appassionata di natura e animali, gira ogni giorno i dintorni alla scoperta del nuovo territorio appuntandosi tutto sul suo fedele taccuino.
Tuttavia, è il vicino che porta loro sempre qualche uovo o una gallina a far scattare la curiosità di Helen e il suo spirito investigativo. L’uomo, infatti, gli parla di Emrys, che dapprima sembra essere un uccellino che si è suicidato, ma che successivamente la ragazzina scopre in realtà essere stato un contadino che abitava poco distante.
Sarà con l’ausilio del suo montone Tup e dei cani dell’uomo – che possono comunicare con lei – che cercherà di scoprire chi fosse Emrys e perché si è suicidato.
Continua sul nostro blog!
Profile Image for Brian.
216 reviews11 followers
April 10, 2015
It seems implausible that a book with magic-realist talking animals and the suicide of a cross dresser would be called quiet and unassuming. Indeed, when the latter element was introduced I began to worry I had been duped by the pastoral, James-Herriot-like cover art. But even broaching politically and otherwise charged subject matter, Swain maintains the unhurried, curious, nonjudgmental point of view of her child protagonist and the quietude of the Welsh countryside.

I'm drawn to small stories, and here is one that is never less for its smallness, but leaves space for the reader to inhabit. There is a quiet and noble hospitality here. A fine work that I just may read again.
Profile Image for Jed Mayer.
523 reviews17 followers
May 5, 2017
A subtly moving coming of age story that also serves as a meditation on the permeable borders between humans and animals, men and women, England and Wales. Slow, brooding, quiet frames pass by with little dialogue, and the experience of reading/looking is like walking the rolling landscapes of border country on a slightly overcast day, rich but melancholy: the first real piece of art I've encountered under the guise of a "graphic novel."
Profile Image for Richard.
1,557 reviews58 followers
April 11, 2017
Hmm...

At first I was rather unimpressed (and a little confused, as Gast wasn't at all the book I was expecting it to be... sometimes books sit on my to-read list for so long that I forget what they are or why they are there...), but Gast does build a certain cumulative effect. Melancholy and lonesome but kind of sweetly odd.
Profile Image for Tara Pincott.
15 reviews15 followers
December 31, 2018
Somehow this book kind of missed the mark for me. The story and the art didn't engage me as much as I thought it would and I found parts of the story incredibly confusing. I think there are definitely people out there who might grasp the message of this graphic novel a bit better than I did, but personally it just wasn't for me.
Profile Image for Shreya.
21 reviews
August 9, 2020
“Gast” is a rare bird in its own right. It raises points on childhood, otherness, and nature, all without pushing an overarching theme. Through it all, there’s a certain magic in its quietness, making this solitary journey hard to forget.
Profile Image for Artem.
69 reviews3 followers
January 6, 2021
Если вам говорят: Gast — это нео-нуар, воспринимайте буквально — Свейн перевела в комикс и тропы и визуальный стиль. За «расследование смерти» тут можно принять, как главная героиня узнаёт о самоубийстве одного существа, и поверх этого, в промежутках — о смерти как о части быта. Дневник природы заменяет внутренние монологи; уэльские ласточки отвечают за экспрессивные «немецкие углы», налёты и общие планы. От панели к панели, от страницы к странице — их невообразимое количество, они помогают ритму диалогов, бьют их на части в самых уместных местах. Это исключительно красивый комикс — вопреки тому, что я знаю о медиуме.
Ещё, конечно, захватывает, как Свейн говорит на темы флюидности, различий в агентности живых существ, родства, одиночества и, собственно, смерти, — все так или иначе в связи со средой обитания, на локальной оси. Темы одновременно универсальны в смысле воспроизводимости (и так, вызывают на эмоции) и уникальны для жизненных практик, в которых заперты: близко к финалу героиня подчеркивает, что эти же ласточки после зимовки вернутся на эти же уэльские провода.
Profile Image for Krista | theliterateporcupine.
721 reviews14 followers
January 11, 2020
This wasn't the kind of graphic novel I was expecting, but I liked it! The minimal text almost made you engage more with the story than if there had been a lot of dialogue. If you're looking for a graphic novel with a storyline, this is not the book for you. It took a few pages for me to realize that I wasn't going to get answers or a vivid plot. It was like seeing a silent movie, because the visuals flowed smoothly from one to the next. Gast is more of an "emotional feelings" graphic novel than a "plot-centered" one.
On a random note, I loved the way the illustrator drew Tup, the Ram!
Profile Image for George Ilsley.
Author 12 books317 followers
November 28, 2018
A splendid merging of story and art. I loved the talking animals, who added so much yet remained honest and observant. Some pages have no words, and yet the story is enhanced and the reader is lead in different directions by the observations of the young girl. This is the best achievement in a graphic novel that I have perused in a long time.
Profile Image for Rachel Coff.
272 reviews
November 21, 2021
Quiet and contemplative with spare charcoal drawings that belie the depth of a young girl's inner life. Slowly paced with a consistent 9-panel grid structure, perfectly suited to the rural setting and how the character walks through the world (literally and metaphysically). I was drawn in to the sad mystery at the center of the story and happily left with some ambiguity.
Profile Image for Caroline.
402 reviews8 followers
December 21, 2019
Gast is an introspective and thoughtful graphic of discovery and loss with striking minimalist charcoal drawings. I thoroughly enjoyed and would recommend to any reader of graphics who prefers the cerebral to the wham bam boom!
Displaying 1 - 30 of 77 reviews

Can't find what you're looking for?

Get help and learn more about the design.