On Our Backs Guide to Lesbian Sex

by Diana Cage

World-renowned authorities on lesbian sexuality explain it all for you. This remarkable volume showcases the best writing on lesbian sex and desire in the 20-year history of On Our Backs magazine. Illustrated with stunning photographs by Phyllis Christopher, Michele Serchuk, Christine Kessler, and Rebecca McBride, The On Our Backs Guide to Lesbian Sex provides expert advice on virtually all topics related to women’s sexuality, including gender, BDSM, body-image issues, polyamory, fisting, strap-on use, topping and bottoming, and anal sex. Even basics such as kissing, cruising, and flirting are covered. Contributors Tristan Taormino, Patrick Califia, Michelle and Joan Nestle Diana Cage served as the assistant editor and the associate editor of On Our Backs magazine before taking on the position of managing editor. She lives in San Francisco.

Genres: Sexuality, Queer, Lesbian, Nonfiction, Anthologies, LGBT

264 pages, Paperback

First published February 1, 2004

Reviews

[rie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fun, campy and genuinely educational at times. However, parts about gender (lack of anything about trans women and over focus on trans men) can be outdated and really bio essentialist. Also hetero JUMPSCARE and other stuff that may make you side eye at times. But unironically this made me feel more confident and comfortable with myself as a sexual being so, yay!

[Nannah · Rating 2 out of 5]

So … a friend lent this to me, because I wanted to know more about, well, “”lesbian sex””, after coming out in my mid twenties and knowing very little. I was expecting tips and tricks, lgbt sex ed that’s obviously not covered in school (but really … what was?), and I was Really Hoping for some trans inclusion. What I got was a mess of Very dated information -- and in its defense, On Our Backs was a magazine with articles from as early as the 80s. However, I wish it had updated its information -- at least a little! Especially when it came to respecting identities ... and "including" some really uncomfortable pedophilia fantasies. I never want to associate that with lgbt sexualities. Ever.

Book content warnings:
- Pedophilia!
- neutral attitude towards cheating
- casual cissexism, like “boobs are a part of the whole womanly package” (p.35), the usage of the term “bio men, bio boys” etc.; the terminology leaves out non binary people as well
- rape & incest fantasies
- there is a chapter on cutting (beginning p.133) read at your own risk -- and one on burning right after that
- Blatant transphobia. They include trans men in this book about lesbian sex (a couple chapters actually), but have no mention of trans women -- at all
- roma slurs
- trans slurs

I’m going to try to make this short and summarized, because my notes are … very long and pretty intense.

I went into this book expecting actual educational articles, and didn’t realize “On Your Back” was a magazine beforehand. This book includes many articles from that magazine, including some from the 80s -- without any editing. Unfortunately, that means a lot of that information is extremely outdated. Not about sex! But about lgbt people in general. Especially trans people: trans men were included as being part of the lesbian community, and trans women weren’t even mentioned. To add to this, the reason trans men were included was literally, and I’m quoting a trans man from the book, “because I have a vagina”. Also, “trans people were referred to by slurs (which would be more okay if the articles’ writers were trans … which they weren’t). Reading this in 2020 (and with the book being published in 2007, it really should have been updated!) was very, very difficult.

If the articles weren’t able to be edited, at the very least they could’ve had notes to show how some terms or information were incredibly outdated -- or at the very, very least, put dates by the articles to show when it was written. That takes very little effort.

So … I’d like to think I’m relatively open minded. The book spent a lot of time on kinks, and that’s fine. Except for what it considered “kinks”. Pedophilia is not a kink. Hard stop. I can’t tell you how many chapters contained either women talking about their extremely young partners (and these women were 40-50+), or women talking about role playing with an extreme age gap, or women talking about going online to fantasize about sex with women much, much younger than them. Or even just the book itself normalizing this with its “role playing tips” or articles talking about past loves or past experiences or current experiences, etc., involving pedophilia as a kink.

It also has very, very little mention of nonbinary lesbians (again, could be because of how dated the articles are … though it said it contained a mix of old and new ones. I’m just not sure). Every time packing is mentioned, it’s for kinky purposes only. In a sex ed book, I was hoping for a wider range of … well, education.

Anyway, I won’t let this get too long, even though my notes span … ah, several pages. Let’s just say while did learn some things, I was also incredibly disappointed.

[Caty · Rating 3 out of 5]

Pre-finishing-book first impression: This is kind of a joke read, and also there are some authors here that I know of from the sex worker, sex radical, and queer communities--some of whom I love and some whom I think are mediocre, but there are enough good ones that this book was enticing. Also, I'm not as entirely confident in my sexual mojo with bio assigned women as I am with other genders, so hopefully this book isn't a load of bull and can he;p

[Stephanie · Rating 5 out of 5]

for anyone who has ever had ANY questions about lesbo sex... I highly recommend this one.

[Amy · Rating 5 out of 5]

A compilation of writings from the notorious On Our Backs magazine, a cross-section of articles from their history. Highlights include: Michelle Tea's role-playing as Jesus and Mary Magdalene article, Fucking a Genderfucker, the round-table on Sex and Class, and the various articles on S/M, spanking, needle and fire-play. (Scary! But fascinating.)

Erotic and informative, I would definitely recommend this book.

[Sara · Rating 4 out of 5]

It was good; it wasn't just about sex and had some other helpful pointers for women that perhaps haven't been out too long. There were some decent sex tips, and etiquette, that held my interest. A good book, but geared more towards those with less experience with women and that perhaps are just coming out, or considering coming out.

[Leni King · Rating 4 out of 5]

Essential reading

[Acquafortis · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not really my cup of tea. I'm not in the butch and femme dynamism but it has some useful information.

[Avory Faucette · Rating 3 out of 5]

I have mixed feelings about this book. I found some of the articles really interesting – it’s basically a compendium of articles from old issues of the magazine, arranged by topic – but I also found that some of them could be a bit too strongly opinionated for my taste. One article, for example, on shaving, speaks in a way that makes me feel guilty or embarrassed for being a hairy girl who has no interest in shaving. There isn’t a whole lot of “whatever you want is fine” in this book. That said, there are a wide range of perspectives and some of the interviews, especially, are quite fascinating. I found the roundtable discussion on class particularly interesting. I do think that the book, the images, and probably the magazine in general, are very butch-femme centric. Someone noted in one of the articles that butch-butch spreads are the least popular in the magazine – most pictures are butch-femme or occasionally femme-femme. That had a weirdly heterosexual connotation to it in my mind. Does it really matter whether we’re butch or femme? Aren’t we past that. Apparently not, and I found that a little disconcerting. I also found a lot of talk about butch-femme fantasies that seemed to me very much like the types of heterosexual relationships that irk me. That said, if this is your cup of tea, I’m sure you’ll love the book. There’s just something about prolonged discussion of cocksucking that makes me feel a little queasy.