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Noahverse #1
A Mark on My Soul
Noah Andrews hates to lie, but that′s exactly what his life is. One big lie.
At least that′s how he feels as a nerdy, closeted, gay high school senior in a suburban North Carolina town.
But after months of fretting and hiding behind his quotes, Noah finally does it. He comes out to the world, and realizes he had nothing to fear after all. With his lies behind him Noah is ready to take on his new future.
On the same night Noah gets a message from an anonymous boy with a crush on him, and all his dreams begin to come true.
But is Noah truly ready for what life has planned for him?
-------------------
TW: Homophobia, death, grief, bullying, mention of suicide
At least that′s how he feels as a nerdy, closeted, gay high school senior in a suburban North Carolina town.
But after months of fretting and hiding behind his quotes, Noah finally does it. He comes out to the world, and realizes he had nothing to fear after all. With his lies behind him Noah is ready to take on his new future.
On the same night Noah gets a message from an anonymous boy with a crush on him, and all his dreams begin to come true.
But is Noah truly ready for what life has planned for him?
-------------------
TW: Homophobia, death, grief, bullying, mention of suicide
384 pages, Paperback
First published April 16, 2019
416 people are currently reading
5868 people want to read
About the author
Jordon Greene
19 books623 followersJordon Greene is an award-winning author and software engineer raised in the foothills of the Appalachian Mountains. His work ranges from tense horror thrillers to cute romance stories, however, Jordon's heart is most invested in writing young adult romance stories where both young and young-at-heart readers alike can feel the acceptance and worth they so deserve. Since his debut young adult novel in 2019, Jordon's stories have reached young readers with messages of diversity, found family, and hope while also handling difficult issues.
An alumnus of the University of North Carolina at Charlotte with a B.S. in Political Science, Jordon works professionally as a senior software engineer. When he isn't writing or at work you can usually find Jordon at his favorite little coffee shop with his found family, cuddling with his little demon spawns (aka cats), or posting online about his latest Asian-pop music or BL drama obsession. Jordon lives in Kannapolis, NC with his children Genji and Freyr (aka the aforementioned demon spawn).
Jordon is the award-winning author of EVERY WORD YOU NEVER SAID and A MARK ON MY SOUL.
An alumnus of the University of North Carolina at Charlotte with a B.S. in Political Science, Jordon works professionally as a senior software engineer. When he isn't writing or at work you can usually find Jordon at his favorite little coffee shop with his found family, cuddling with his little demon spawns (aka cats), or posting online about his latest Asian-pop music or BL drama obsession. Jordon lives in Kannapolis, NC with his children Genji and Freyr (aka the aforementioned demon spawn).
Jordon is the award-winning author of EVERY WORD YOU NEVER SAID and A MARK ON MY SOUL.
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January 5, 2022first of all: this book is gay
and second of all: if this book turns out just as beautiful as that cover I will cease to exist
TW: homophobia, suicide, bullying
A Mark on My Soul is a gay OwnVoices novel in the fashion of Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda and History Is All You Left Me. It all starts out with a coming-out and anonymous emails from someone who has a crush on the main character but isn't ready to come out. It was all a little too similar to Simon vs. at first but luckily took a different turn after the first third of the book.
This is a coming-out novel, so there is a lot of insecurity and internalised homophobia. Personally, I have grown somewhat tired of that narrative, having read my fair share of coming-out stories. But I know for a fact that many gay readers will find solace and strength in this book, which is what really matters here.
I had a few issues with this story that I want to talk about. First of all, the characters in this book are 18 years old, but they seemed much younger than that. Maybe that's just my personal view, but they could have easily been 15 or 16 because they weren't as reflected or mature as most 18-year-olds that I know. I'm not saying being 18 means your a mature, wise and rational adult - that would be a straight up lie - but there is a difference in their behaviour and thinking. Less immaturity, less melodrama. While we're talking about the characters, I want to add that I would have loved to see more of Cam, Noah's best friend. She is a super cool character and I want to know more about here.
I also struggled with some of the main character's statements. Of course, nobody is politically correct all the time. Especially our thoughts are usually quite messy and unfiltered. But I would have wished for Noah to be a little more reflected and less prejudiced sometimes.
Overall, A Mark on My Soul was a nice read but didn't manage to sweep me off my feet.
Big thanks to the author for providing me with a review copy in exchange for an honest review.
Find more of my books on Instagram
and second of all: if this book turns out just as beautiful as that cover I will cease to exist
TW: homophobia, suicide, bullying
A Mark on My Soul is a gay OwnVoices novel in the fashion of Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda and History Is All You Left Me. It all starts out with a coming-out and anonymous emails from someone who has a crush on the main character but isn't ready to come out. It was all a little too similar to Simon vs. at first but luckily took a different turn after the first third of the book.
This is a coming-out novel, so there is a lot of insecurity and internalised homophobia. Personally, I have grown somewhat tired of that narrative, having read my fair share of coming-out stories. But I know for a fact that many gay readers will find solace and strength in this book, which is what really matters here.
I had a few issues with this story that I want to talk about. First of all, the characters in this book are 18 years old, but they seemed much younger than that. Maybe that's just my personal view, but they could have easily been 15 or 16 because they weren't as reflected or mature as most 18-year-olds that I know. I'm not saying being 18 means your a mature, wise and rational adult - that would be a straight up lie - but there is a difference in their behaviour and thinking. Less immaturity, less melodrama. While we're talking about the characters, I want to add that I would have loved to see more of Cam, Noah's best friend. She is a super cool character and I want to know more about here.
I also struggled with some of the main character's statements. Of course, nobody is politically correct all the time. Especially our thoughts are usually quite messy and unfiltered. But I would have wished for Noah to be a little more reflected and less prejudiced sometimes.
Overall, A Mark on My Soul was a nice read but didn't manage to sweep me off my feet.
Big thanks to the author for providing me with a review copy in exchange for an honest review.
Find more of my books on Instagram
June 25, 2019
Sometimes when reading a book the plot is so unrealistic that I can't stretch my disbelief as far as I need to in order to appreciate it. Other times, however, the plot of a novel is far too realistic that it makes me sad and/or angry because reality is far too depressing.
Reading Jordon Greene's A Mark on My Soul left me angry and sad, not because I didn't like it or it wasn't well-written, but rather the plot was far too real, far too common, and that's really depressing.
Noah Andrews has just started his senior year of high school in North Carolina. He's thinking about college, particularly how much he'd love to attend the University of Illinois, which has a terrific architecture school. He's thinking about what life will be like if his two best friends wind up at their first-choice schools, which are totally different from his. More than that, however, he's thinking about how to tell his parents, his friends, everybody, his big secret: he's gay.
"Dammit, it should be easy to come out. I mean, Mom and Dad aren't a problem. I'm not worried they'll disown me or tell me some crap like I'm going to hell or take away my stuff. I'm just afraid they'll look at me differently. I don't know, like I'll be their gay son Noah instead of just Noah. I just want to be Noah Andrews, the simple, slightly nerdy, socially awkward guy, minus the big-ass secret."
After many false starts, Noah finds the courage to tell his two best friends, then his parents, and then he feels comfortable enough to share his secret with those who follow him on social media. Sure, he gets some pathetic responses from a few people, but for the most part, people praise his bravery for finally being able to tell the truth about himself.
On the same night he publicly comes out, he receives an email from a classmate who says that he admires him and, more importantly, that he likes him. He even thinks Noah is hot. At first the boy is too afraid to reveal his identity, because he's not ready to come out. But the more they correspond, the closer they get despite the anonymity, so they finally make a plan to meet. And just when Noah feels like he has it all, the prejudice and homophobia of the real world intrude in far too many ways.
Even though you may be able to see where the plot of A Mark on My Soul is going, I decided to be fairly vague so you can let it unfold for you. There are definitely elements of Love, Simon in this story (at one point Noah even quotes Jennifer Garner's pivotal scene from that movie). However, much of the plot is far more troubling, raw, and disturbing than that, and that's because the things that happen actually happen every day in our country.
Greene is a tremendously talented writer and he has created characters that I cared about, characters whose happiness I found myself invested in. There were a number of times where I wanted to shake some of the characters and make them see the truth that was happening right in front of them, but that doesn't happen in real life either.
A Mark on My Soul isn't a feel-good read, but it is a vitally important one. I hope this book makes people realize that the world may be better for LGBT kids than it was 5, 10, 20 years ago, but there is still more homophobia, more hatred, even close to home, than there should be. It needs to stop. Now.
See all of my reviews at itseithersadnessoreuphoria.blogspot.com.
Check out my list of the best books I read in 2018 at https://itseithersadnessoreuphoria.blogspot.com/2019/01/the-best-books-i-read-in-2018.html.
You can follow me on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/the.bookishworld.of.yrralh/.
Reading Jordon Greene's A Mark on My Soul left me angry and sad, not because I didn't like it or it wasn't well-written, but rather the plot was far too real, far too common, and that's really depressing.
Noah Andrews has just started his senior year of high school in North Carolina. He's thinking about college, particularly how much he'd love to attend the University of Illinois, which has a terrific architecture school. He's thinking about what life will be like if his two best friends wind up at their first-choice schools, which are totally different from his. More than that, however, he's thinking about how to tell his parents, his friends, everybody, his big secret: he's gay.
"Dammit, it should be easy to come out. I mean, Mom and Dad aren't a problem. I'm not worried they'll disown me or tell me some crap like I'm going to hell or take away my stuff. I'm just afraid they'll look at me differently. I don't know, like I'll be their gay son Noah instead of just Noah. I just want to be Noah Andrews, the simple, slightly nerdy, socially awkward guy, minus the big-ass secret."
After many false starts, Noah finds the courage to tell his two best friends, then his parents, and then he feels comfortable enough to share his secret with those who follow him on social media. Sure, he gets some pathetic responses from a few people, but for the most part, people praise his bravery for finally being able to tell the truth about himself.
On the same night he publicly comes out, he receives an email from a classmate who says that he admires him and, more importantly, that he likes him. He even thinks Noah is hot. At first the boy is too afraid to reveal his identity, because he's not ready to come out. But the more they correspond, the closer they get despite the anonymity, so they finally make a plan to meet. And just when Noah feels like he has it all, the prejudice and homophobia of the real world intrude in far too many ways.
Even though you may be able to see where the plot of A Mark on My Soul is going, I decided to be fairly vague so you can let it unfold for you. There are definitely elements of Love, Simon in this story (at one point Noah even quotes Jennifer Garner's pivotal scene from that movie). However, much of the plot is far more troubling, raw, and disturbing than that, and that's because the things that happen actually happen every day in our country.
Greene is a tremendously talented writer and he has created characters that I cared about, characters whose happiness I found myself invested in. There were a number of times where I wanted to shake some of the characters and make them see the truth that was happening right in front of them, but that doesn't happen in real life either.
A Mark on My Soul isn't a feel-good read, but it is a vitally important one. I hope this book makes people realize that the world may be better for LGBT kids than it was 5, 10, 20 years ago, but there is still more homophobia, more hatred, even close to home, than there should be. It needs to stop. Now.
See all of my reviews at itseithersadnessoreuphoria.blogspot.com.
Check out my list of the best books I read in 2018 at https://itseithersadnessoreuphoria.blogspot.com/2019/01/the-best-books-i-read-in-2018.html.
You can follow me on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/the.bookishworld.of.yrralh/.
February 2, 2023
ZERO F**KING STARS! Hell to the F**KING NO! NO F**KING WAY!!! 🤬🤬🤬 This was a 5 star awesome read up until the 91% mark. That ending, though ... 🤬🤬🤬 ... what the fuckin' hell was Mr. Jordon Greene thinking?!? My first book by this author and MOST definitely my last! PLEASE ... with every fiber of my being, I beg you not to waste any time on this or anything else by this author. There are so many other books in this genre and I now know not to waste another second on anything he's written. I'm so angry I'm physically shaking right now as I type this! 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬
February 21, 2023
Buddy read this heartbreak of a book with this cutie over here.
I'm out of words and I'm definitely going to need some time to recover from this book that sorta destroyed my soul, and sorta filled it with the warmest feelings.
I absolutely loved it. I loved the characters, the writing, the pop culture references (so many of them!) and the way the plot unraveled, even if it ended up breaking my heart in two.
Many thanks to my reading pal for suffering with me.
And thanks, Mr Jordon Greene. Thanks for including so many amazing bands that I adore (BLB??? My highschool self is cheering so bad right now) and thanks for making Noah, Parker and Cam some of the most realistic and relatable characters I've read about. And, of course, thanks for this little rare gem that I highly recommend to all my friends who like cute, realistic stories and who aren't afraid of having their feelings played with.
I'm out of words and I'm definitely going to need some time to recover from this book that sorta destroyed my soul, and sorta filled it with the warmest feelings.
I absolutely loved it. I loved the characters, the writing, the pop culture references (so many of them!) and the way the plot unraveled, even if it ended up breaking my heart in two.
Many thanks to my reading pal for suffering with me.
And thanks, Mr Jordon Greene. Thanks for including so many amazing bands that I adore (BLB??? My highschool self is cheering so bad right now) and thanks for making Noah, Parker and Cam some of the most realistic and relatable characters I've read about. And, of course, thanks for this little rare gem that I highly recommend to all my friends who like cute, realistic stories and who aren't afraid of having their feelings played with.
June 21, 2021
I feel the need to say something about how wrong this history feels to me, even if I might not have the words for it.
Before Parker's suicide, I had some light complaints about a couple of things were not much to my liking, but I was still hopeful that some good lessons could come out of it. After it happened, my thoughts towards the book just kept going downhill.
The story (I'm trying not to blame the author) tries to juxtapose Parker's parents' blame to Noah's "blame"; it compares how both "pushed" Parker to do it. One might say that this vision is coming through a guilty Noah's mind; however, this view is never contradicted and it even seems to be more confirmed when Parker's father tries "redemption" by the end of the book.
One of the things that should have been clear is: coming out is a beautiful moment and, even though it is scary, it involves feelings of freedom, acceptance, and authenticity. Noah never forced Parker to do anything he didn't want, he acted like any other human who has desires does, and Parker did it on his own terms, when and how he wanted.
The things his parents did to him (or tried to do) were just heartless, unjustifiable, and cruel. The way the story tried to exonarate his parents (specially his father) and specially how it connected both situations are things that shouldn't be acceptable, not even through the eyes of a traumatized characters.
To conclude, the least I expect from a book is that it adds something to me or to society; and this book seems to have failed greatly at both.
Before Parker's suicide, I had some light complaints about a couple of things were not much to my liking, but I was still hopeful that some good lessons could come out of it. After it happened, my thoughts towards the book just kept going downhill.
The story (I'm trying not to blame the author) tries to juxtapose Parker's parents' blame to Noah's "blame"; it compares how both "pushed" Parker to do it. One might say that this vision is coming through a guilty Noah's mind; however, this view is never contradicted and it even seems to be more confirmed when Parker's father tries "redemption" by the end of the book.
One of the things that should have been clear is: coming out is a beautiful moment and, even though it is scary, it involves feelings of freedom, acceptance, and authenticity. Noah never forced Parker to do anything he didn't want, he acted like any other human who has desires does, and Parker did it on his own terms, when and how he wanted.
The things his parents did to him (or tried to do) were just heartless, unjustifiable, and cruel. The way the story tried to exonarate his parents (specially his father) and specially how it connected both situations are things that shouldn't be acceptable, not even through the eyes of a traumatized characters.
To conclude, the least I expect from a book is that it adds something to me or to society; and this book seems to have failed greatly at both.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
August 8, 2022
After Noah comes out as gay, an anonymous closeted classmate reaches out in solidarity and they begin corresponding. When they meet up irl, Noah discovers they are , and that both boys have been in unrequited love with each other for many years. Life should be perfect, but between homophobic schoolmates and religious parents, can these two best-friends-turned-boyfriends find a happy ending?
Queer stories don't have to have happy endings, but A Mark on My Soul is very much in the 'not only will you suffer because you are gay, you are gay so you will suffer' camp.
I don't think this was purposefully written to be an emotionally manipulative story, but the issues with structure and pacing made it feel that way to me. What reads at first like a gradual coming out novel, with a slow burn best-friends-to-lovers romance arc, suddenly plummets into something much sadder, involving conversion therapy, homophobic parents, religious abuse, and suicide. I felt as though important developments such as Noah's parents' acceptance of his sexuality were skipped over, and because we never meet Parker's parents on the page until after , they feel like a nebulous presence in the life of the story. Perhaps this could have been explored had Parker shared a PoV with Noah, which I think the story would have benefitted from, so we could see more of what was going on in Parker's head towards the end of the story and his rapid spiral into depression and suicidality.
Bearing in mind what he's experiencing, nothing about Parker's arc is unbelievable, but it happens over the course of 5-10% of the whole book, which really isn't enough time to dedicate to such a serious and long-lasting choice. Very little time is given to Noah's grief following Parker's death, and I felt as though the story wrapped up far too neatly, with Parker's father suddenly realising the error of his ways now it's too late to save his son. Especially with the story being best friends to lovers, who have loved each other for years unrequited, the novel really feels like a shallow tragedy written for easy tears, rather than spending time engaging in the deeper themes of religious abuse, the experience of suicidality, and the lasting impact of grief. When complex themes like these are just scattered into a book, without adequate examination or emotion, I end up being left disappointed as a reader.
I'm finding an unfortunate pattern in Jordon Greene books of 'jokes' that I really don't think are acceptable. In EWYNS, there was a joke about sex trafficking. In this book, there's a joke about Anne Frank. The scene doesn't call for it, as there could be countless 'gotcha' comebacks that would work in place of the joke used, and I just end up side-eyeing the story like, really?
Anyone who reads JG knows he fully embraces reclaiming the f-slur and uses it liberally, both thrown at characters who are being bullied and used between themselves in reclamation. That's his right, and even though reading those exchanges make me uncomfortable, I recognise he can use the f-slur as much as he wants in his own books. What I don't think is ok is for him to be putting the word 'colored' in the mouth of his Black character, even if it's used sarcastically, because at the end of the day it's still a white author using that word, and it removes agency. Same with the random ableist language that was completely unnecessary. Just because you're a queer writer, you don't get a free pass to use language like 'I nod my head sp*****ally'. This is one of the very worst words you can use in reference to a disabled person. I didn't think it was even the kind of word Noah would use as a character, considering he's supposedly so shy, mature, and academic.
cw: suicide; main character death; minor character death; f-slurs; ableist slur; racist slur; homophobic bullying; conversion camp threat; conversion therapy; religious parents; unsupportive parents
Queer stories don't have to have happy endings, but A Mark on My Soul is very much in the 'not only will you suffer because you are gay, you are gay so you will suffer' camp.
I don't think this was purposefully written to be an emotionally manipulative story, but the issues with structure and pacing made it feel that way to me. What reads at first like a gradual coming out novel, with a slow burn best-friends-to-lovers romance arc, suddenly plummets into something much sadder, involving conversion therapy, homophobic parents, religious abuse, and suicide. I felt as though important developments such as Noah's parents' acceptance of his sexuality were skipped over, and because we never meet Parker's parents on the page until after , they feel like a nebulous presence in the life of the story. Perhaps this could have been explored had Parker shared a PoV with Noah, which I think the story would have benefitted from, so we could see more of what was going on in Parker's head towards the end of the story and his rapid spiral into depression and suicidality.
Bearing in mind what he's experiencing, nothing about Parker's arc is unbelievable, but it happens over the course of 5-10% of the whole book, which really isn't enough time to dedicate to such a serious and long-lasting choice. Very little time is given to Noah's grief following Parker's death, and I felt as though the story wrapped up far too neatly, with Parker's father suddenly realising the error of his ways now it's too late to save his son. Especially with the story being best friends to lovers, who have loved each other for years unrequited, the novel really feels like a shallow tragedy written for easy tears, rather than spending time engaging in the deeper themes of religious abuse, the experience of suicidality, and the lasting impact of grief. When complex themes like these are just scattered into a book, without adequate examination or emotion, I end up being left disappointed as a reader.
I'm finding an unfortunate pattern in Jordon Greene books of 'jokes' that I really don't think are acceptable. In EWYNS, there was a joke about sex trafficking. In this book, there's a joke about Anne Frank. The scene doesn't call for it, as there could be countless 'gotcha' comebacks that would work in place of the joke used, and I just end up side-eyeing the story like, really?
Anyone who reads JG knows he fully embraces reclaiming the f-slur and uses it liberally, both thrown at characters who are being bullied and used between themselves in reclamation. That's his right, and even though reading those exchanges make me uncomfortable, I recognise he can use the f-slur as much as he wants in his own books. What I don't think is ok is for him to be putting the word 'colored' in the mouth of his Black character, even if it's used sarcastically, because at the end of the day it's still a white author using that word, and it removes agency. Same with the random ableist language that was completely unnecessary. Just because you're a queer writer, you don't get a free pass to use language like 'I nod my head sp*****ally'. This is one of the very worst words you can use in reference to a disabled person. I didn't think it was even the kind of word Noah would use as a character, considering he's supposedly so shy, mature, and academic.
cw: suicide; main character death; minor character death; f-slurs; ableist slur; racist slur; homophobic bullying; conversion camp threat; conversion therapy; religious parents; unsupportive parents
November 19, 2019
this left a mark on my soul....
This...
This was just... it was cute, it was adorable... it was funny....
Then...it was heartbreaking... i honestly cried the last 10%... it hurt so bad, i hurt so bad for Parker...for Noah... I understand the importance of this book, i really do. But, it was so heartbreaking...i didn't want it to end this way - i hoped..
and then, i cried more.
This...
This was just... it was cute, it was adorable... it was funny....
Then...it was heartbreaking... i honestly cried the last 10%... it hurt so bad, i hurt so bad for Parker...for Noah... I understand the importance of this book, i really do. But, it was so heartbreaking...i didn't want it to end this way - i hoped..
and then, i cried more.
October 26, 2021
4.5⭐
I had all these notes I took while reading this in order to write a full review, but then that ending happened, and I'm still broken from it. A love story that will leave your heart in pieces.😭😭😭
"“I want to hear his laugh. I want to see him smile. I want to watch him look at the stars and to see the stars in his eyes.”
Content Warnings: Coming out, homophobic slurs, conversion counseling, suicide
I had all these notes I took while reading this in order to write a full review, but then that ending happened, and I'm still broken from it. A love story that will leave your heart in pieces.😭😭😭
"“I want to hear his laugh. I want to see him smile. I want to watch him look at the stars and to see the stars in his eyes.”
Content Warnings: Coming out, homophobic slurs, conversion counseling, suicide
October 21, 2022
If I'd known how this ends, I would've never picked it up.
November 28, 2022
A Mark on My Soul? More like “This book tore my soul apart like I was in the reboot of Evil Dead.” Okay but on the real … long review incoming, because I have a lot of thoughts on this book, and am deep in my feelings over it.
I finished this book a couple days ago and had to sit with it before writing a review. I also had to stop crying. Anyone who knows me knows I am notorious for crying to some degree with at least 80% of the books that I read. A Mark on My Soul was next level. I cried throughout the entire final hour of the book, long before the ending. And when the ending came, that was my final breaking point. I woke up the morning after finishing this book and was immediately overcome with sadness again all over again.
A Mark on My Soul mixed sadness with joy, beauty with tragedy, and insight with emotional whiplash. The book did so much within its 300 pages and I truly feel that it did leave a mark on my soul.
Commence Spoiler Alerts
The way in which Jordon conveyed Noah’s emotions was masterful and incredible. I deeply felt Noah’s emotions vicariously throughout the entire final act of the story. From when he got the news about Parker to when he left the cemetery. I felt how haunted he was for not picking up the phone call from Parker. I felt the survivor’s guilt. I felt the pain he put himself through while searching for some sort of closure / explanation -- and blaming himself in the process. I felt the despair when he visited Parker’s grave and reminded him that he’ll always love and remember him.
That final chapter completely did me in. Reading the note that Parker left for Noah ripped my heart apart. The letter had such beautiful sentiments written into it, but those were eclipsed by the realization of what the purpose of the note was. I read and re-read the note at least 10 times. It was just the final gut-punch in what was already an incredibly difficult story.
There are a few moments that I think will haunt me / stick with me for forever from the book:
-“Why’d you have to say you loved me?” Parker’s final interaction with Noah, knowing what he was going to do that night and how difficult that made it for him. They didn’t get a final hug, or kiss, or anything. Knowing this was the final time they’d see each other broke my heart.
-"I love you more than anything. I promise I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’m so sorry.” Noah not picking up the phone when Parker called, and the final text he instead received from Parker.
-“Our letter was about what we did wrong. I hope yours is about what you did right.” Parker’s father realizing he failed his son.
-“Wasn’t I enough?” – Noah questioning what he meant to Parker. Jesus, this was rough.
So. This book was beautiful. It was also deeply sad & truly heart-breaking. I was rooting for Noah and Parker. For some sort of happy ending or hopeful resolution. Unfortunately, we didn’t get that.
I think what’s saddest about the book for me goes beyond the scope of the story of Noah and Parker -– what’s saddest is how true and accurate this story is -- and how often it happens in the real world. This could easily have been lifted from the diaries and stories of queer people from everywhere who have felt so low to the point of completing suicide.
Jordon -- Thank you for this work of art. It meant a whole lot to me. I cannot wait to read your other books.
And in closing, two of the most powerful quotes from the book:
"You were everything I woke up for each morning, what I breathed for, the one thing that got me this far."
“I need you to know that you were loved, Park. You’ll always be mine, and I’ll always be yours.”
Please -- if you are feeling low, or struggling, or suffering -- please, PLEASE remember you are not alone and that you are needed here. If you’re in the U.S., please call 1-800-273-8255 or 988 to be linked to a crisis hotline. The universe needs you, there are people who love you, and there is help out there. Please stay.
I finished this book a couple days ago and had to sit with it before writing a review. I also had to stop crying. Anyone who knows me knows I am notorious for crying to some degree with at least 80% of the books that I read. A Mark on My Soul was next level. I cried throughout the entire final hour of the book, long before the ending. And when the ending came, that was my final breaking point. I woke up the morning after finishing this book and was immediately overcome with sadness again all over again.
A Mark on My Soul mixed sadness with joy, beauty with tragedy, and insight with emotional whiplash. The book did so much within its 300 pages and I truly feel that it did leave a mark on my soul.
Commence Spoiler Alerts
The way in which Jordon conveyed Noah’s emotions was masterful and incredible. I deeply felt Noah’s emotions vicariously throughout the entire final act of the story. From when he got the news about Parker to when he left the cemetery. I felt how haunted he was for not picking up the phone call from Parker. I felt the survivor’s guilt. I felt the pain he put himself through while searching for some sort of closure / explanation -- and blaming himself in the process. I felt the despair when he visited Parker’s grave and reminded him that he’ll always love and remember him.
That final chapter completely did me in. Reading the note that Parker left for Noah ripped my heart apart. The letter had such beautiful sentiments written into it, but those were eclipsed by the realization of what the purpose of the note was. I read and re-read the note at least 10 times. It was just the final gut-punch in what was already an incredibly difficult story.
There are a few moments that I think will haunt me / stick with me for forever from the book:
-“Why’d you have to say you loved me?” Parker’s final interaction with Noah, knowing what he was going to do that night and how difficult that made it for him. They didn’t get a final hug, or kiss, or anything. Knowing this was the final time they’d see each other broke my heart.
-"I love you more than anything. I promise I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’m so sorry.” Noah not picking up the phone when Parker called, and the final text he instead received from Parker.
-“Our letter was about what we did wrong. I hope yours is about what you did right.” Parker’s father realizing he failed his son.
-“Wasn’t I enough?” – Noah questioning what he meant to Parker. Jesus, this was rough.
So. This book was beautiful. It was also deeply sad & truly heart-breaking. I was rooting for Noah and Parker. For some sort of happy ending or hopeful resolution. Unfortunately, we didn’t get that.
I think what’s saddest about the book for me goes beyond the scope of the story of Noah and Parker -– what’s saddest is how true and accurate this story is -- and how often it happens in the real world. This could easily have been lifted from the diaries and stories of queer people from everywhere who have felt so low to the point of completing suicide.
Jordon -- Thank you for this work of art. It meant a whole lot to me. I cannot wait to read your other books.
And in closing, two of the most powerful quotes from the book:
"You were everything I woke up for each morning, what I breathed for, the one thing that got me this far."
“I need you to know that you were loved, Park. You’ll always be mine, and I’ll always be yours.”
Please -- if you are feeling low, or struggling, or suffering -- please, PLEASE remember you are not alone and that you are needed here. If you’re in the U.S., please call 1-800-273-8255 or 988 to be linked to a crisis hotline. The universe needs you, there are people who love you, and there is help out there. Please stay.
April 20, 2019
"Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans." —Allen Saunders (American writer, journalist and cartoonist), 1957
Some people have the ability to “leave a mark” on someone else’s soul, and this is the heartbreaking story of one such case. The main character is eighteen-year-old Noah who discovers the joy and exhilaration of first love, the accompanying emotions of hope and optimism, and the utter devastation that follows when circumstances (and a**hole people!) take it all away. I wish I could say this is only fiction and real life is better than that – but I can’t. The realism is part of what makes this such a powerful novel – both the good parts and the bad. Let me warn you: it is not an easy book to read, but it is a story that needs to be told until the kind of hatred causing this type of cruelty and heartbreak stops.
Please find my full review on Rainbow Book Reviews.
Some people have the ability to “leave a mark” on someone else’s soul, and this is the heartbreaking story of one such case. The main character is eighteen-year-old Noah who discovers the joy and exhilaration of first love, the accompanying emotions of hope and optimism, and the utter devastation that follows when circumstances (and a**hole people!) take it all away. I wish I could say this is only fiction and real life is better than that – but I can’t. The realism is part of what makes this such a powerful novel – both the good parts and the bad. Let me warn you: it is not an easy book to read, but it is a story that needs to be told until the kind of hatred causing this type of cruelty and heartbreak stops.
Please find my full review on Rainbow Book Reviews.
Want to read
November 28, 2020DNF @ 40%
I'm gonna DNF this for now because I'm not enjoying it like I though I would.
Too cliché and the MC is just obnoxious. YA is not for me anymore, I think.
I'm gonna DNF this for now because I'm not enjoying it like I though I would.
Too cliché and the MC is just obnoxious. YA is not for me anymore, I think.
May 5, 2019
Super spoilery TW -
3.75?
Ok, so I had to give myself a day or two to process this book. At one point whilst reading A Mark On My Soul I was soooo mad, like 'fuck this book, I hate it, three stars at best'. But that was because of things that happened in the book, so I can't hold it against Greene for actually making me care enough to be pissed off...that's a good thing, right? (I still want to punch several pages of this book, but if I did that I'd break my kindle)
I'll start at the beginning though.
This book follows our main character Noah, who is your average, albeit slightly nerdy teen, who just so happens to be gay. He comes out quite near the beginning of the book (not a spoiler, it's in the synopsis) and we are treated to a bit of a Simon vs The Homo-sapiens Agenda-esque back and forth between him and a mystery guy online.
The main chunk of story actually happens after all this, we find out who the mystery guy is quite quickly, and it's more of a relationship novel. It did maybe feel a little teeny bit slow in some places, because it was kind of the same stuff going on (being at school, hanging with friends, trying to navigate this relationship) but not enough for it to feel like the story suffered at all.
Talking about friends, I really liked the friendship group we have going on. We have Parker, Noah's best friend and the guy he used to crush on in eighth grade, and Cam, Noah's other best friend who joins him in his love of cos play and all things nerdy.
One of the aspects I really appreciated in this book, is the fact that music is a big part of their lives, along with books and movies. It just felt so real, and is exactly what teens are all about. At one point there's talk of going to see some bands live. I totally relate to this, during my teen years I went to so many gigs! I liked the fact the taste in music felt real (and that's probably because it's Jordon Greene's own taste superimposed onto the characters) Normally in books or other media, if music is mentioned it's a very skewed line. Like 'I like this specific band or type of music and everything else is wrong or bad'. Here pop, rock, rap and hardcore music are all mentioned - people are allowed to like more than one genre and I'm here. for. it.
Ok, that was a bit of a ramble, but most of what is coming is going to have to be under a spoiler tag. I will say that there's a certain type of story line / character in here that really grinds my gears. Like I said earlier, I can't fault Greene for having this present, but it genuinely really pisses me off (mostly because it's true to life, and I hate that that is the case)
Before that though, the reason this got 4 stars and not 5 (other than the fact I'm suuuuper stingy when it comes to 5 stars - soz) Is that I felt a bit of a disconnect with what was going on in relation to how old the characters were. Maybe it's a UK vs US thing, but I just couldn't wrap my head around how the characters were treated, mostly by parents, and the fact they were 18 / 19 years old. Like...is it just me or is it really jarring to see a 19 year old getting grounded for swearing?!?!!? Yeah, it might be a country thing. In the book the characters are still at school, where as over here by 19 it's very likely you've gone through school and college already. Anyway, more of this point in the spoilers. Do come back and read them after you've read the book :D :D
P.S This book made me cry so much that my throat hurt sooo...you've been warned!
P.S..again.. I didn't realise how long this was until I hit post XD As you can tell I had a lot of feelings!
3.75?
Ok, so I had to give myself a day or two to process this book. At one point whilst reading A Mark On My Soul I was soooo mad, like 'fuck this book, I hate it, three stars at best'. But that was because of things that happened in the book, so I can't hold it against Greene for actually making me care enough to be pissed off...that's a good thing, right? (I still want to punch several pages of this book, but if I did that I'd break my kindle)
I'll start at the beginning though.
This book follows our main character Noah, who is your average, albeit slightly nerdy teen, who just so happens to be gay. He comes out quite near the beginning of the book (not a spoiler, it's in the synopsis) and we are treated to a bit of a Simon vs The Homo-sapiens Agenda-esque back and forth between him and a mystery guy online.
The main chunk of story actually happens after all this, we find out who the mystery guy is quite quickly, and it's more of a relationship novel. It did maybe feel a little teeny bit slow in some places, because it was kind of the same stuff going on (being at school, hanging with friends, trying to navigate this relationship) but not enough for it to feel like the story suffered at all.
Talking about friends, I really liked the friendship group we have going on. We have Parker, Noah's best friend and the guy he used to crush on in eighth grade, and Cam, Noah's other best friend who joins him in his love of cos play and all things nerdy.
One of the aspects I really appreciated in this book, is the fact that music is a big part of their lives, along with books and movies. It just felt so real, and is exactly what teens are all about. At one point there's talk of going to see some bands live. I totally relate to this, during my teen years I went to so many gigs! I liked the fact the taste in music felt real (and that's probably because it's Jordon Greene's own taste superimposed onto the characters) Normally in books or other media, if music is mentioned it's a very skewed line. Like 'I like this specific band or type of music and everything else is wrong or bad'. Here pop, rock, rap and hardcore music are all mentioned - people are allowed to like more than one genre and I'm here. for. it.
Ok, that was a bit of a ramble, but most of what is coming is going to have to be under a spoiler tag. I will say that there's a certain type of story line / character in here that really grinds my gears. Like I said earlier, I can't fault Greene for having this present, but it genuinely really pisses me off (mostly because it's true to life, and I hate that that is the case)
Before that though, the reason this got 4 stars and not 5 (other than the fact I'm suuuuper stingy when it comes to 5 stars - soz) Is that I felt a bit of a disconnect with what was going on in relation to how old the characters were. Maybe it's a UK vs US thing, but I just couldn't wrap my head around how the characters were treated, mostly by parents, and the fact they were 18 / 19 years old. Like...is it just me or is it really jarring to see a 19 year old getting grounded for swearing?!?!!? Yeah, it might be a country thing. In the book the characters are still at school, where as over here by 19 it's very likely you've gone through school and college already. Anyway, more of this point in the spoilers. Do come back and read them after you've read the book :D :D
P.S This book made me cry so much that my throat hurt sooo...you've been warned!
P.S..again.. I didn't realise how long this was until I hit post XD As you can tell I had a lot of feelings!
December 19, 2022
TW: homophobia, suicide, major character death (feel like this one’s important seeing as I really would have wished to me warned about the latter especially…)
I have never cried as much throughout a book as I did with this one… wow. Although the ending absolutely breaks my heart and I really really really wish it could have ended differently, I admire the author for writing it like they did. It is a heartbreaking and absolutely soul crushing story, yes, but it is also an incredibly important one. I thought it did an amazing job at exploring difficult themes and topics around coming out and dealing with homophobic parents and family. It does not sugar coat things and, although it might not necessarily be something you look for in a romance, I really appreciate that it doesn’t. As important as it is to have optimistic and happy queer stories out there, it is just as important to have stories like these as well because, as much as it hurts to admit, it is way too relatable than it should be.
The story of Noah and Parker might not have had a happily every after, but I do hope that this story might help lifting the stigma off the topic of mental health, especially relating to being queer and coming out, at least a little bit.
This is gonna sound very cheesy, but Noah and Parker’s love story will forever live on in my heart <3
I have never cried as much throughout a book as I did with this one… wow. Although the ending absolutely breaks my heart and I really really really wish it could have ended differently, I admire the author for writing it like they did. It is a heartbreaking and absolutely soul crushing story, yes, but it is also an incredibly important one. I thought it did an amazing job at exploring difficult themes and topics around coming out and dealing with homophobic parents and family. It does not sugar coat things and, although it might not necessarily be something you look for in a romance, I really appreciate that it doesn’t. As important as it is to have optimistic and happy queer stories out there, it is just as important to have stories like these as well because, as much as it hurts to admit, it is way too relatable than it should be.
The story of Noah and Parker might not have had a happily every after, but I do hope that this story might help lifting the stigma off the topic of mental health, especially relating to being queer and coming out, at least a little bit.
This is gonna sound very cheesy, but Noah and Parker’s love story will forever live on in my heart <3
July 3, 2020
Sometimes I find a book that surprises me. I like YA, especially LGBTQ+. I’ve read books from all known authors as Adam Silvera, Becky Albertalli, Shaun David Hutchinson and Kacen Callender. Even newer ones like Zach Smedley, William Hussey (read Hideous beauty if you haven’t yet!) and Phil Stamper. But I didn’t know Jordon Greene. And he did surprise me with A mark on my soul. He really surprised me in a positive way!
At first I thought this was just a cute love story, a little self-conscious boys, one out, one not. Yeah, they had their problems but I felt their love. But it wasn’t just a cute love story, not at all. Reading more and more, my chest tightened and in the end tears welled in my eyes. I actually had to stop reading time and again because those tears blurred my sight.
One sentence will stay with me: ‘AlI I want is to be loved for who I am’. Isn’t that what it’s all about? Loving each other no matter who we are, gay, bi, straight, trans whatever? Just love and accept each other, despite how different we all can be?
Jordon Greene, I hope you’ll write another lovely LGBTQ+ story like this. I’ll definitely read it!
At first I thought this was just a cute love story, a little self-conscious boys, one out, one not. Yeah, they had their problems but I felt their love. But it wasn’t just a cute love story, not at all. Reading more and more, my chest tightened and in the end tears welled in my eyes. I actually had to stop reading time and again because those tears blurred my sight.
One sentence will stay with me: ‘AlI I want is to be loved for who I am’. Isn’t that what it’s all about? Loving each other no matter who we are, gay, bi, straight, trans whatever? Just love and accept each other, despite how different we all can be?
Jordon Greene, I hope you’ll write another lovely LGBTQ+ story like this. I’ll definitely read it!
March 23, 2020
This entire book was so predictable. The minute he got the emails, I knew who was sending them. The minute his parents were mentioned, I knew how the reaction would go. The minute the accident happened with his brother, I knew something would happen to Parker. The minute that text came through, I knew what had happened. The entire plot was so heavy handed and obvious.
And none of the characters ever really felt fully explored. Cam felt 2d, the accident with his brother was never really explored, everyone just felt like a cardboard cutout. The main character was barely likable.
I know how important these stories are. I know how hard it was for me to come out. But God I wish we could get some well written gay novels with a happy ending.
And none of the characters ever really felt fully explored. Cam felt 2d, the accident with his brother was never really explored, everyone just felt like a cardboard cutout. The main character was barely likable.
I know how important these stories are. I know how hard it was for me to come out. But God I wish we could get some well written gay novels with a happy ending.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
February 10, 2023
HUGE ASS TRIGGER WARNING TO THIS BOOK THAT SHOULD BE THERE IN CAPITAL LETTERS AT THE BEGINNING BUT ISN'T. SUICIDE. HOMOPHOBIA. CONVERSION CAMPS. RELIGIOUS HOMOPHOBIA. DID I SAY SUICIDE?
Sorry but I’m not marking a TW as a spoiler because OUR SENSIBILITIES MATTER. The book says in the excerpt that there is “mention of suicide”. That’s not accurate. There is suicide. More than one loss of a significant other. Loss of a child. Loss of a friend. This is a freaking suicide story, not a love story. Mismarketing it is harmful.
I’m sorry, I really wish I was rating this book different.
Because talking about these topics is not important, it’s CRUCIAL. It’s URGENT. Because I usually don’t rate 1-star to books that shake me, that touch me, in which in fell in love with the characters. Books that make me cry, books that leave me full-on sobbing.
But the author of this book hasn’t taken care of us readers. The TW isn’t there.
***Im gonna explain the whole plot moving forward so I guess it’s fair to mark the following part as a spoiler, even when it is also a TW***
******
******
The book takes us through how Noah falls in love , both of them closeted until 18, both of them gay, both of them crushing on each other since they were around 12. While the book starts very nice and sweet, with Noah gathering the courage to come out to his parents and friends and then the whole world and mentioning how difficult it is, to then find himself surrounded by love and support, plus an anonymous email in the best Simon vs. the homo sapiens agenda style, with a guy who says he likes him. Said guy ends up being and quickly they are boyfriends and deeply in love. The book becomes even a bit dull there in the middle, it’s not super believable they are 18 turning 19 (aren’t seniors usually 17 turning 18 actually? Also they don’t act as 18 year-olds I would say), their interactions are a bit.. bland. But anyways, we read from Noah’s perspective how he is in love with and really happy about it and everything is basically perfect except for the fact that isn’t out and they have to hide their relationship in public.
In the middle, a couple of things happen, idk if it was to further the plot of what but I think it’s worth mentioning them.
2. Second thing, for a reason I honestly don't understand, the author included yet another death in the plot, an accident involving Noah's brother (who appears only once before that accident and once more afterwards) in which a drunk driver hit his car, killing his girlfriend who was in the passenger seat. This gratuitous death in the middle of the story isn't developed any further. We get absolutely nothing on how Noah's brother is dealing with it, just a few mentions to his physical recovery. It is also potentially triggering for readers, also not warned at the beginning of the book and, apart from a brief mention to how it can help Noah's brother understand Noah at the ending of the book, absolutely pointless from my perspective. [I'm not marking this as a spoiler because it definitely falls under the TW category in my opinion].
Anyways, the thing is. We have Noah. Supportive family. Great best friend. Job he likes in a bookstore-slash-coffeeshop, with a great and understanding boss and cool coworkers. Boyfriend he is in love with. He is out, his relationship is secret. Doing well in school and 8 months, give or take, from leaving for college, where he plans to go to the same University as if they both get in.
On the other hand we have . Still in the closet. Super conservative and extremely religious parents, worried about coming out, fully-aware that his parents probably would try to keep him apart from his boyfriend if they learn that he is gay. Also doing well in school, wants to study to be a doctor and has applied to several universities, probably going to get into many of them. He said that he would also go to the same university as Noah if they both get in, despite it not being his first choice as a school. He is dating Noah in secret, also in love with him and happy with it. We don't know if he wants to be out except that he says he promises to come out before graduation. His parents are really strict, at the beginning of the book we learn that they grounded him for 2 weeks for saying"f*ck" out loud when he hit his toe. And despite being homophobic, they let him continue to see his gay-and-out "best friend" and even go on a camping trip with him and his brother.
That's the situation with which we are standing about 60% into the book. Noah is happy, if a bit bitter about having to hide. He and spend plenty of time together and are happy together.
Then Noah's brother has the accident and suddenly decides that "life is too short-slash-unpredictable and he doesn't want to have regrets" and he wants to come out to his super conservative religious parents 8 months before leaving his small town and family house to go to college to "start the new year authentically and live his best year openly with his boyfriend".
And, this is where I freaking need to shout.
NEVER NEVER NEVER COME OUT IF IT ISN'T SAFE.
I CAN'T EMPHASIZE THIS ENOUGH. FOR WHOMEVER MIGHT READ THIS. SAFETY FREAKING FIRST.
Because what freaking happens is that comes out and even tells his parents that he is dating Noah in the spark of the moment anger when his dad says that "he can't be gay in their house". And his parents forbid him from seeing his boyfriend, take his phone away for weeks and only give it back under the promise of not contacting Noah at all, force him to delete his coming-out facebook post, force him to do """counseling""" with a homophobic pastor, threaten to kick him out of the house if he sees Noah and force him to go to a "conversion therapy camp" by saying that they WON'T FREAKING PAY FOR HIS COLLEGE EDUCATION if he doesn't. But he never makes it to the camp, because the imposed isolation, the feeling that he is not enough, the brain-wash from the homophobic religious counseling in which the pastor tells him a lot of homophobic and super triggering sh*t that is detailed in the book word by word and that gets him to question whether god loves him or if he really is a mistake in his plans; the whole freaking horrendous thing gets to him in a way that makes him hate life, break up with Noah and then FREAKING KILL HIMSELF. In his *letter* he also mentions that knowing his parents didn't love him is a big part of his decision.
And that's how the book ends. kills himself, leaves Noah a letter saying that he loves him and that he is sorry. And Noah questions if he himself is to blame for 's death for "pressuring him to come out". Then Noah says that he will never be whole again, that he will be forever broken. The end.
I get that this happens. And that taking about it is really important. A big part of my anger is actually because this book depicts a reality, something that is still happening to kids nowadays. But I can't help to think that it doesn't make sense. It's not coherent. Parker is super smart and the situation is CLEARLY not safe to come out. He could have waited half a year and then go to University and live openly there, away from his parents. But mostly, it's disheartening. Deeply so. It's depressing. We don't even get any of Noah's path towards healing. And this is a BOOK. And one MARKETED YOUNG ADULT. AND ONE WITHOUT A TRIGGER WARNING AT THE BEGINNING. The TW in the excerpt says "*mention* of suicide". But it is a book about how religious homophobia and parental rejection kill kids and teenagers. That's it. It isn't a love story. It is a death story.
So I'm also angry because I ended up reading it blindly and without expecting that. And I think that's not ok.
Sorry but I’m not marking a TW as a spoiler because OUR SENSIBILITIES MATTER. The book says in the excerpt that there is “mention of suicide”. That’s not accurate. There is suicide. More than one loss of a significant other. Loss of a child. Loss of a friend. This is a freaking suicide story, not a love story. Mismarketing it is harmful.
I’m sorry, I really wish I was rating this book different.
Because talking about these topics is not important, it’s CRUCIAL. It’s URGENT. Because I usually don’t rate 1-star to books that shake me, that touch me, in which in fell in love with the characters. Books that make me cry, books that leave me full-on sobbing.
But the author of this book hasn’t taken care of us readers. The TW isn’t there.
***Im gonna explain the whole plot moving forward so I guess it’s fair to mark the following part as a spoiler, even when it is also a TW***
******
******
The book takes us through how Noah falls in love , both of them closeted until 18, both of them gay, both of them crushing on each other since they were around 12. While the book starts very nice and sweet, with Noah gathering the courage to come out to his parents and friends and then the whole world and mentioning how difficult it is, to then find himself surrounded by love and support, plus an anonymous email in the best Simon vs. the homo sapiens agenda style, with a guy who says he likes him. Said guy ends up being and quickly they are boyfriends and deeply in love. The book becomes even a bit dull there in the middle, it’s not super believable they are 18 turning 19 (aren’t seniors usually 17 turning 18 actually? Also they don’t act as 18 year-olds I would say), their interactions are a bit.. bland. But anyways, we read from Noah’s perspective how he is in love with and really happy about it and everything is basically perfect except for the fact that isn’t out and they have to hide their relationship in public.
In the middle, a couple of things happen, idk if it was to further the plot of what but I think it’s worth mentioning them.
2. Second thing, for a reason I honestly don't understand, the author included yet another death in the plot, an accident involving Noah's brother (who appears only once before that accident and once more afterwards) in which a drunk driver hit his car, killing his girlfriend who was in the passenger seat. This gratuitous death in the middle of the story isn't developed any further. We get absolutely nothing on how Noah's brother is dealing with it, just a few mentions to his physical recovery. It is also potentially triggering for readers, also not warned at the beginning of the book and, apart from a brief mention to how it can help Noah's brother understand Noah at the ending of the book, absolutely pointless from my perspective. [I'm not marking this as a spoiler because it definitely falls under the TW category in my opinion].
Anyways, the thing is. We have Noah. Supportive family. Great best friend. Job he likes in a bookstore-slash-coffeeshop, with a great and understanding boss and cool coworkers. Boyfriend he is in love with. He is out, his relationship is secret. Doing well in school and 8 months, give or take, from leaving for college, where he plans to go to the same University as if they both get in.
On the other hand we have . Still in the closet. Super conservative and extremely religious parents, worried about coming out, fully-aware that his parents probably would try to keep him apart from his boyfriend if they learn that he is gay. Also doing well in school, wants to study to be a doctor and has applied to several universities, probably going to get into many of them. He said that he would also go to the same university as Noah if they both get in, despite it not being his first choice as a school. He is dating Noah in secret, also in love with him and happy with it. We don't know if he wants to be out except that he says he promises to come out before graduation. His parents are really strict, at the beginning of the book we learn that they grounded him for 2 weeks for saying
That's the situation with which we are standing about 60% into the book. Noah is happy, if a bit bitter about having to hide. He and spend plenty of time together and are happy together.
Then Noah's brother has the accident and suddenly decides that "life is too short-slash-unpredictable and he doesn't want to have regrets" and he wants to come out to his super conservative religious parents 8 months before leaving his small town and family house to go to college to "start the new year authentically and live his best year openly with his boyfriend".
And, this is where I freaking need to shout.
NEVER NEVER NEVER COME OUT IF IT ISN'T SAFE.
I CAN'T EMPHASIZE THIS ENOUGH. FOR WHOMEVER MIGHT READ THIS. SAFETY FREAKING FIRST.
Because what freaking happens is that comes out and even tells his parents that he is dating Noah in the spark of the moment anger when his dad says that "he can't be gay in their house". And his parents forbid him from seeing his boyfriend, take his phone away for weeks and only give it back under the promise of not contacting Noah at all, force him to delete his coming-out facebook post, force him to do """counseling""" with a homophobic pastor, threaten to kick him out of the house if he sees Noah and force him to go to a "conversion therapy camp" by saying that they WON'T FREAKING PAY FOR HIS COLLEGE EDUCATION if he doesn't. But he never makes it to the camp, because the imposed isolation, the feeling that he is not enough, the brain-wash from the homophobic religious counseling in which the pastor tells him a lot of homophobic and super triggering sh*t that is detailed in the book word by word and that gets him to question whether god loves him or if he really is a mistake in his plans; the whole freaking horrendous thing gets to him in a way that makes him hate life, break up with Noah and then FREAKING KILL HIMSELF. In his *letter* he also mentions that knowing his parents didn't love him is a big part of his decision.
And that's how the book ends. kills himself, leaves Noah a letter saying that he loves him and that he is sorry. And Noah questions if he himself is to blame for 's death for "pressuring him to come out". Then Noah says that he will never be whole again, that he will be forever broken. The end.
I get that this happens. And that taking about it is really important. A big part of my anger is actually because this book depicts a reality, something that is still happening to kids nowadays. But I can't help to think that it doesn't make sense. It's not coherent. Parker is super smart and the situation is CLEARLY not safe to come out. He could have waited half a year and then go to University and live openly there, away from his parents. But mostly, it's disheartening. Deeply so. It's depressing. We don't even get any of Noah's path towards healing. And this is a BOOK. And one MARKETED YOUNG ADULT. AND ONE WITHOUT A TRIGGER WARNING AT THE BEGINNING. The TW in the excerpt says "*mention* of suicide". But it is a book about how religious homophobia and parental rejection kill kids and teenagers. That's it. It isn't a love story. It is a death story.
So I'm also angry because I ended up reading it blindly and without expecting that. And I think that's not ok.
October 21, 2024
i was definitely expecting something so cheesy and not deep at all… cried like a baby in public and i’ll be thinking about this for a while
April 29, 2022
When it comes to book reviews, I sometimes struggle putting my feelings into words and rely on others to help do that for me, which is why I’ll typically “like” someone else’s review if it captures my viewpoint. That said, I felt compelled to write a few words of my own for this one.
A Mark on My Soul really tore at my heartstrings. To me, that’s the mark of a great author. Do I wish it’d had a HEA ending? Absolutely! But that’s not the reality of real life. The themes in this book, while difficult for some to handle, need to be explored. I can only hope that those who need to read a story like this get the opportunity to do so.
I look forward to reading more of Mr. Greene’s work.
A Mark on My Soul really tore at my heartstrings. To me, that’s the mark of a great author. Do I wish it’d had a HEA ending? Absolutely! But that’s not the reality of real life. The themes in this book, while difficult for some to handle, need to be explored. I can only hope that those who need to read a story like this get the opportunity to do so.
I look forward to reading more of Mr. Greene’s work.
May 7, 2021
This is one of the most beautiful stories I wish I'd never read. I've been a devastated puddle of tears since that damn event that I legitimately didn't see coming.
OMG, the emotion, the rawness, the realness!
I get sooo angry at people who abuse their loved ones with their stupid, baseless, hypocritical judgement dressed up in inaccurate religious dogma.
I was so angry with those people in this story but I hurt right alongside the main character as well because the writing drew me in so thoroughly.
I'm almost too scared to read any more of Jordan's work now because this one nearly wrecked me!
OMG, the emotion, the rawness, the realness!
I get sooo angry at people who abuse their loved ones with their stupid, baseless, hypocritical judgement dressed up in inaccurate religious dogma.
I was so angry with those people in this story but I hurt right alongside the main character as well because the writing drew me in so thoroughly.
I'm almost too scared to read any more of Jordan's work now because this one nearly wrecked me!
July 17, 2022
Heartbreaking and Heart Felt
This book will break your heart but, I think, inspire you to keep fighting for the love that makes this journey on earth worth all the pain. A Mark on My Soul is about three besties - Noah, Parker and Camilia. This is a book about coming out, and coming to terms with the collision between acceptance of the natural state of sexual orientation and the negative position on the subject of same sex love preached by evangelical Christianity. This book packs an enormous punch so prepare yourself for a heavy trip. But the tears I shed while reading it were absolutely worth this journey. It's a story of two boys who fell in love...
This book will break your heart but, I think, inspire you to keep fighting for the love that makes this journey on earth worth all the pain. A Mark on My Soul is about three besties - Noah, Parker and Camilia. This is a book about coming out, and coming to terms with the collision between acceptance of the natural state of sexual orientation and the negative position on the subject of same sex love preached by evangelical Christianity. This book packs an enormous punch so prepare yourself for a heavy trip. But the tears I shed while reading it were absolutely worth this journey. It's a story of two boys who fell in love...
September 26, 2022
Just spent the last hour bawling my eyes out to the ending. I knew how the book ended and it still reached into my heart and crushed it in its hand. I love Noah and Parker and I want a love like theirs.
May 20, 2019
Let’s just say that I cried at the end because - unfair, but still realistic ending. Very well written. Sad ending.
September 27, 2023
If you want to cry your eyes out, read this book. The story is so well merged and the characters are just.. i’ve got no words. This book mentally destroyed me😭
May 29, 2024
This book fucked me up more than A Thousand Boy Kisses and that's saying something. I'm gonna go cry some more
February 2, 2023
El inicio del libro no es nada prometedor y hasta más de la mitad me cuestione mucho seguir leyéndolo. Pero el final? Valoro muchísimo las historias que se atreven a mostrar estas tristes realidades y no intentan dar una visión de las dos perspectivas. En trama y objetivamente es un 3🌟, pero no puedo darle eso porque el tema es muy importante para mi.
Advertencias: homofobia, ansiedad/depresión, duelo/muerte, suicidio.
Advertencias: homofobia, ansiedad/depresión, duelo/muerte, suicidio.
June 9, 2022
How can a book be so sad yet so beautiful 😭
October 19, 2021
I can't even string a sentence together right now!
March 27, 2022
2/5⭐
okay so this is a list of things I wrote while reading (can be a bit spoilery but nothing major. I tried to be as vague as possible):
-what in the love, simon is this?
-not the pop culture references
-they're using so many derogatory terms and it's making me kinda uncomfortable
-everyone talks like straight and gay are the only sexualities
-okay the romance seems cute. friends to lovers ftw
-ok I love camila
-sorry but this one conflict is so stupid and overdramatic, like chill tf out
-oh amazing, some hardcore homophobia :) and oh! there's a hate crime too!
-it feels like this book made coming out too big of a deal, like it's this pinnacle of some sort. and you know what? if you're from a family that would clearly disapprove, it's better to wait until you move away because there's a chance you won't be safe living with them after coming out.
-what is it with m/m YA contemporary and giggling?? the characters do it all the time and it's kinda annoying lol
-sorry but this is a bit too much. let's just say the author really makes the characters suffer. let gay people be happy ffs
-the mc is pretty selfish and shallow and I don't really like him
-does... the author want me to empathize with a hardcore homophobe? after all that? no.
okay now after reading it I wanna say that this is not a happy book. I thought it'd be this fun, lighthearted gay romance but it really isn't (yes, I SHOULD'VE read the trigger warnings I know). this book deals with a surprisingly large number of heavy topics and that kinda threw me off. if I'd been prepared for this, this book could've gotten 3 stars but I'm tired of gay people suffering so I lower my rating just based on that.
okay so this is a list of things I wrote while reading (can be a bit spoilery but nothing major. I tried to be as vague as possible):
-what in the love, simon is this?
-not the pop culture references
-they're using so many derogatory terms and it's making me kinda uncomfortable
-everyone talks like straight and gay are the only sexualities
-okay the romance seems cute. friends to lovers ftw
-ok I love camila
-sorry but this one conflict is so stupid and overdramatic, like chill tf out
-oh amazing, some hardcore homophobia :) and oh! there's a hate crime too!
-it feels like this book made coming out too big of a deal, like it's this pinnacle of some sort. and you know what? if you're from a family that would clearly disapprove, it's better to wait until you move away because there's a chance you won't be safe living with them after coming out.
-what is it with m/m YA contemporary and giggling?? the characters do it all the time and it's kinda annoying lol
-sorry but this is a bit too much. let's just say the author really makes the characters suffer. let gay people be happy ffs
-the mc is pretty selfish and shallow and I don't really like him
-does... the author want me to empathize with a hardcore homophobe? after all that? no.
okay now after reading it I wanna say that this is not a happy book. I thought it'd be this fun, lighthearted gay romance but it really isn't (yes, I SHOULD'VE read the trigger warnings I know). this book deals with a surprisingly large number of heavy topics and that kinda threw me off. if I'd been prepared for this, this book could've gotten 3 stars but I'm tired of gay people suffering so I lower my rating just based on that.
January 24, 2025
DO NOT GO INTO THIS BOOK EXPECTING A ROMANCE.
This is a story with romantic elements, NOT a romance. A romance should have a HEA/HFN and this had nothing like that.
The book starts with Noah coming out, and he receives an anonymous message from a classmate. This reminded me of Simon vs The Homosapiens Agenda, which is a book I absolutely loved. I was hoping that A Mark On My Soul would be just as good.
Unfortunately, I made the mistake and went into this book expecting a queer YA romance, and the ending made me want to throw the book across the room (I couldn’t because I don’t have a physical copy). The last 10% ruined my enjoyment of the book. The more the reader learns about the characters and their families, the more predictable the ending becomes. Plot twists? Haven’t heard of them.
It’s a book that had potential, but in the end it just fell flat. The only reason it’s not a 1 star is because I loved the majority of the book. It had 5 star potential, but the ending ruined it.
This is a story with romantic elements, NOT a romance. A romance should have a HEA/HFN and this had nothing like that.
The book starts with Noah coming out, and he receives an anonymous message from a classmate. This reminded me of Simon vs The Homosapiens Agenda, which is a book I absolutely loved. I was hoping that A Mark On My Soul would be just as good.
Unfortunately, I made the mistake and went into this book expecting a queer YA romance, and the ending made me want to throw the book across the room (I couldn’t because I don’t have a physical copy). The last 10% ruined my enjoyment of the book. The more the reader learns about the characters and their families, the more predictable the ending becomes. Plot twists? Haven’t heard of them.
It’s a book that had potential, but in the end it just fell flat. The only reason it’s not a 1 star is because I loved the majority of the book. It had 5 star potential, but the ending ruined it.
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