Trecutul e tot ce mi-ai lăsat

by Adam Silvera, Andrei Dósa (Translator)

Cum te împaci cu moartea celui mai bun prieten al tău, care e totodată și prima ta dragoste? Reiei în minte, într-o buclă, toate momentele petrecute împreună, analizezi totul, faci mici obsesii, te refugiezi în gesturi distructive, încerci să înțelegi.

Trecutul e tot ce mi-ai lăsat îi oferă unui adolescent eliberarea - de prima iubire, de durerea pierderii unui om drag, de compulsii -, dăruindu-i, în schimb, afecțiune.

"O scrisoare emoționantă și complexă despre dragoste și prietenie." The Washington Post

"Prin Griffin, Silvera face o analiză elocventă și profundă a «orice s-ar întâmpla în continuare», a modurilor în care procesul de doliu izolează oamenii, dar, în același timp, îi și aduce împreună." Chicago Tribune

Genres: Young Adult, Contemporary, LGBT, Romance, Queer, Fiction, Mental Health

376 pages, Paperback

First published January 17, 2017

About the author

Adam Silvera is the #1 New York Times bestselling author of They Both Die at the End and More Happy Than Not and History Is All You Left Me and Infinity Son and Infinity Reaper and with Becky Albertalli, What If It's Us and Here's to Us.

His next book The First to Die at the End releases October 4th, 2022, with the final Infinity Cycle book to follow soon after.

He was born in New York and now lives in Los Angeles where he writes full-time.

He is tall for no reason.

Reviews

[Emily May · Rating 4 out of 5]

People are complicated puzzles, always trying to piece together a complete picture, but sometimes we get it wrong and sometimes we’re left unfinished. Sometimes that’s for the best.

I stayed up late last night to finish this book and, I confess, I had chills down my spine as I came to the final page. History Is All You Left Me is a deeply sad book, perfectly in tune with human nature and yet never manipulative as it explores love, friendship and grief between four boys.

Perhaps Silvera is just fantastic at putting himself into other people's minds, but I got the sense that this was a very personal story, told from someone who knows a lot about love and loss. The book is driven by its characters - Griffin, Theo, Wade and Jackson - jumping back and forth between the loss of Theo in the present and their intertwining histories.

The story (or "history) is revealed by Griffin as he comes to term with the death of his best friend and first love, Theo. We soon learn that there is a complex web of relationships at play here, as we are introduced to Theo's new boyfriend from California, Jackson, and the third member of their friendship group, Wade. Theo was the group's anchor and they all find themselves confused and helpless without him - Griffin is especially torn between his dislike for Jackson and the feeling that he can relate to him most of all.

The small, simple observations on people and relationships cut really deep for me. The author manages to rip your heart out without seeming like he ever tries to. It's in the little ways he reveals that past relationships are not quite over, not really. It's in the inexplicable sadness of moving on. It's in all the things the characters don't say. It's in the pretending you're fine when you're not; you're really not.

He broke me in a way everyone should be lucky to be cracked open at least once.

And yet, though this sounds so bleak, it's also balanced by its warmth, humour, nerdy references and Griffin's numerous quirks. For LGBT readers tired of gay romances being horror stories about homophobia, this one isn't about that at all - it's full of supportive parents and friends; positive representation of gay AND bisexual boys; teens having sex without shame, and with protection.

Such a smart, emotional read. There is something so intrinsically sad about not saying what you want to say and pretending you're fine, pretending you're over someone and watching them move on without you. It's even sadder because there is no judgement - there are no villains here, just four teenage boys doing their best.

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[Hailey (Hailey in Bookland) · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was absolutely beautiful. Love love LOVE.

[Emma Giordano · Rating 5 out of 5]

SIT TIGHT MY FRIENDS BECAUSE I AM ABOUT TO TELL YOU ALL ABOUT THE BEST DAMN YA RELEASE OF 2017.

I sincerely do not know to start this review because I just finished reading 5 minutes ago and to be honest, I'm having trouble breathing because I'm so overwhelmed. History Is All You Left ME was nothing less than a masterpiece; it's enticing, it's thrilling, it's reflective, it's heart-breaking. It's everything you could possibly want it to be and more and I cannot recommend this book enough to you all. Truthfully, I don't think I have a single negative word to say about this novel because it was almost unrealistically fantastic.

Adam Silvera is the kind of author who you could read ANYTHING he'd written and know it was from him. Adam's personal voice is so distinctive and it was such a pleasure to see his personality shine through his words, even in the darkest moments. It's something I noticed in his previous novel, More Happy Than Not (also 10/10 recommend) and I'm so happy to see his individuality stand strong as he grows as a writer! There are a million and ten quotes I want to share with you all because this book showcases so many important thoughts through Adam's words, but I will be sure to gush in my spoiler-y video review coming this January!

The characters in this book are CRAZY interesting. I think my feelings on each of them changed throughout the book, which is not a feeling I'm familiar with. There are characters I loved at first but grew to resent. There are characters I originally was indifferent to that I ended up falling in love with. Because so much of this novel is focused on the progression of the characters and what we learn about them through reading, I don't want to go into TOOO much detail. What I do want to say about all of them is that I'm so happy we got to know each character individually and not just know them as their relationships to each other. They all have their own "histories", their own interests, their own quirks, their own battles and it was so refreshing to not just know a complete cast of characters, but actually get to know the characters themselves.

Griffin is our main protagonist, telling his story through "History" and "Today" as he reflects on his past with his newly deceased first love, as well as his current state of bereavement. He is a character I had trouble agreeing with at times because of his decisions, but his vulnerability was really admirable to me. His experiences with grief are extremely unique, but the world truly needed his story and I can only hope you all benefit from it as I have.

Theo, our late ex-love (not a spoiler-it's in the synopsis, guys) is another character I struggled with, as we not only get to know him while he's alive, but we also learn so much about him through other's grieving. I have so many questions about him; his thoughts (as the book is entirely from Griffin's point of view), his motivations, and where he stands on the events of current times from where he is now. All I can say is that learning about his character was quite a unique reading experience that I will definitely take with me as I delve into to other books.

Jackson, Theo's most recent boyfriend, is another character I find super intriguing. I somewhat resented him at first as I started on "Team Griffin" for obvious reasons, but Jackson played such a unique role in this story that you can't ignore. Whatever your feelings on him may be, he is really a one of a kind character in literature.

Wade, I feel, is highly underrated, being the invisibility cloak to Theo's elder wand and Griffin's resurrection stone (yeah, I know y'all like that analogy). While he is not the most important character to the plot of the story, I feel Wade is the missing piece this story needed. He's real, he's patient, he's not afraid to say what's on his mind and stand up for himself, and I loved him. Total "precious cinnamon bun" alert, here.

One of the greatest things about History is the representation. As a straight woman, I can't exactly speak for the accuracy of the 3 main characters all being queer, nor would I ever attempt to. What I will say is I read this with the knowledge I've gained from LGBTQIAP+ readers in mind the entire time, and I constantly found myself reflecting on how healthy the stories of these boys seemed, the positivity surrounding their experiences (despite the whole, you know, love of your life dying thing) and how happy I was to see sexuality portrayed in such a casual, authentic light. As this Adam's second own voices novel, I have no doubts about his capabilities to write realistic LGBT characters the way they should be written. I believe if you were a fan of the representation in More Happy, you will be equally satisfied reading the stories of these three queer boys.

Also concerning representation and having a bit more experience in the mental health department, as Griffin suffers from OCD, I was extremely pleased with how his compulsions were expressed in the novel. It is displayed in it's true nature, Adam shows mental illness exactly as it manifests in real life. Although I have never been diagnosed with OCD, as a psychology student who has suffered from related mental health issues, there were many powerful scenes that did a fantastic job portraying this disorder. Adam can most definitely add another gold star to his "Times I've Accurately Portrayed Diverse Topics" folder.

All in all, I am totally blown away by History Is All You Left Me. I went in expecting to really enjoy it, but I came out BURSTING of love. While I adore More Happy, I think History is currently my favorite of Adam's works (though my hands have also been itching for They Both Die At The End for almost a year now). This book is quite the beaut, and it's now at the top of my recommendations list.

I'm thoroughly impressed beyond my highest expectations, and I cannot wait for all of you to experience this phenomenal work on January 17th, 2017. I'm so excited to share my full spoiler review with you guys early next year and just GUSHHH about all the things I loved (a.k.a. everything). I'm ALSO insanely excited to help co-host Adam's NYC Launch event for History with Michael BookLion at Books of Wonder on January 16th! (Yeah, you'll get the book a day early!) If you're too far away to attend, be sure to pre-order History Is All You Left Me and check out historyisallyouleftme.com to enter to win a trip to NYC for the event, courtesy of Soho Press!

Ending statement: This book was amazing. Please read it. You won't regret it.

I received a free copy of this book from Soho Teen. I had no obligation to review this book and all opinions are my own.

[jessica · Rating 5 out of 5]

‘we were something, but history isnt enough to keep something alive forever.’

once again, adam silvera has created a story that radiates gentle love and pure tenderness. and i had no idea how much i would be able to relate to this on such a personal level. i think anyone who has ever had a difficult time letting go of history or dealing with loss could benefit from reading this.

↠ 4.5 stars

[Kai Spellmeier · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Just because someone is forgiving, it doesn't make asking for forgiveness easy."

History Is All You Left Me is Adam Silvera's second novel, and it may be even better than his debut More Happy Than Not. Silvera tells a story of love, friendship and mourning in face of loss.

Plot:
Griffin loses his first love, best friend and ex-boyfriend Theo in an accident. Left behind and feeling lost and lonely in his grief, he recounts their history, their relationship, first-times, happy times and not-so-happy times.
We also see Griffin coping with Theo's loss and all he left behind: friends, families and a similarly broken boyfriend.
Personally I loved Griffin's and Theo's story and the relationship they shared. There was sweet parts, sad parts and incredibly funny parts. But slowly and steadily the novel took a darker and heavier turn, secrets came out and even though Griffin tried to mend his brokenness, I didn't like the outcome.

Characters:
Griffin, the protagonist is a passionate Potterhead, suffers from OCD, and totally in love with his best friend.
Theo, is his smart, equally geeky and a lovely best friend. Definitely my favourite character.
Wade is the third boy in their squad, half grudgingly accepting his best friends' relationship under the promise that nothing would change if they ever broke up.
Jackson, Theo's second boyfriend is haunted by his past and turns to Griffin after the accident.

Writing:
Adam Silvera's writing does many things to my poor heart. He is an amazing author, who can pull off unbearably funny at least as well as bittersweet and heartbreaking. He is definitely one of the most talented new voices in YA. He is able to give his readers everything they want: feelings on a silver platter topped with countless pop culture references as well as diverse and multi-dimensional characters. His stories are original and hard to predict, though sometimes a tiny bit too heavy for my taste.

In a nutshell: Adam is a brilliant author, which probably makes me overly critical. History Is All You Left Me is a breathtaking novel about love and friendship, teaching that letting go of someone doesn't always mean losing them.

Many thanks to Soho Press for providing this ARC!

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[Angela · Rating 5 out of 5]

"I mean it: Promise me." "I promise you: I'll never die."

History Is All You Left Me follows Griffin, a guy who is suffering the loss of his ex-boyfriend Theo, who just died in a drowning accident. On top of grieving the death of Theo, is he also struggling with his OCD getting out of hand, pushing away the other member of their 'squad", Wade, and finally meeting Jackson. The boy who stole Theo away from him. HIAYLM follows events from both present and "history" weaving together and leading up to the moment of Theo's death and Griffins life now.

Griffin is broken when this story starts out. He feels he's barley living and that no one understands what he's is really going through. He isn't sleeping, is barely eating, and isn't going to school. He can't stop thinking of Theo and his history. Things seems like they can only get worse when he has to meet Jackson. At first Griffin wants nothing to do with him. Things change once he starts thinking Jackson might be the only one who truly gets what going on, and figured them getting along is what would have made Theo happy. Griffin, though depressed, was still a really likeable character. I enjoyed his sense of humor, his OCD quirks, and how real his character felt. His thoughts were very authentic and made connecting with him effortless. Theo, though actually never alive in this book, felt it. He is so adorable and I could see why both guys fell for him. Jackson was sweet, kind, and brought a depth into the story that I wasn't expecting. My favorite person however was Wade. Something about his personality drew me in. Loved his humor, loyalty, laid back manor, and really just everything about him. I found myself anticipating the moments when he would show up.

When it came to HIAYLM's plot I knew two things: it would read to a T like a true contemporary and that it would be a massive heart-breaker... I was 100% correct too. There were lighter moments in the story, like the condom buying scene which has me in stitches... then there were these heavier scenes like one that came towards the end of the book that came out of nowhere! It had me balling my eyes out! I was at work reading and had to avoid eye contact with my co-workers because it was so bad and I didn't want them to know I was sobbing.



Adam Silvera gives me hope that one day I will fully love contemporary books. He is also giving such a fresh, new, and important voice for literature. HIAYLM gave me everything I wanted and then some. This novel might be coming out in 2017, but will more than likely make it on to my 2016 favorites. If you haven't added this book to you TBR do it now.

Laughs were had, tears were shed, and Adam delivered.

[✨ jami ✨ · Rating 5 out of 5]

history is all you left me literally fucked me up in 12 dimensions. this book moved me and effected me on such a deep level I really don't know what else to say about it. I read this book as part of a book club, and while I vaguely knew the plot, and had heard lots of good things about Adam Silvera - I didn't know what to expect exactly.

this book absolutely destroyed me I read it three months ago and I swear I think about it every day. It really touched me, and had such a big impact on me both at the time and now looking back. I called it a masterpiece then and I still do now. It truly is beautiful, thoughtful, gut-wrenching, I love it.

"I love you, but I can't stay longer. It may be a while before I speak to you again, I'm so happy you were my first, Theo, and you were worth all the heartache. I hope I wasn't living in some alternate universe where I wasn't actually your first love, too. But this universe is the only one that matters and I have one last question for you: I didn't get our history wrong, did I?"

in history is all you left me we follow 17 year old Griffin who's dealing with the death of his ex-boyfriend Theo Even though Theo and Griffin had broken up, and even though Theo was dating a new boy, Jackson, at college - Griffin still thought they were endgame. That eventually Theo and Jackson would be over, and Theo would come back to Griffin. But now Theo is dead, and Griffin has to start over. He starts a tentative relationship with Jackson, while exploring his complicated feelings and history with Theo.

my favourite thing about this was Griffins character and narration. Griffin is obviously dealing with a lot - his grief, his OCD, his relationship with his family and friends, and his new relationship with Jackson. The way Adam Silvera is able to explore these issues and tie them together is masterful - he really is an artist when it comes to writing the human person - including and maybe especially the messy things.
I also loved Griffin being in unreliable narrator. It allowed the story to slowly unfold, and exposed the flaws and downsides of characters and their actions in a way that was both surprising, logical and heart breaking. It feels as if you grow and learn hand-in-hand with Griffin.

The story flips between chapters set in the present, and set in the past, and I enjoyed both timeframes equally. As the past and the present time frames got closer and closer, I got sadder and sadder, and I was definitely beyond upset when the climax hit. The character development was beyond good, it really blew me away and I adored everything about Griffins growth and realisations.

History is All You Left Me is a book that destroyed me, but also which made me feel full. It was incredibly well written - I went through so many feelings and emotions - happiness, sadness, grief, anger, confusion, even a memorable update when I said I "wasn't sure if I should cry, vomit or both" (still true).

Adam Silvera is the MASTER at writing tender characters who need to figure themselves out - who might be broken or damaged or hurt but are slowly putting themselves back together if they can. Griffin is a character that has stayed with me for three months, and not all characters do. And I definitely think he will be with me for a lot longer.

I adored this book so much, I just think it was so clever, so raw and so honest. I want to reread it eventually because it just meant so much to me and I just was so impacted by it. I enjoy many books, but not all of them make me feel on a deep - this is more then just a book way. But History is All You Left Me definitely did. I don't have enough words to really describe how much this book moved me, but it did and I love it.

"But I'm a human too, with my own human feelings. You used our intimiate history to create a future with someone else. You used our love against me. Now I'm using your love against you."

spotify playlist

History is nothing. It can be recycled or thrown away completely. It isn’t this sacred treasure chest I mistook it to be. We were something, but history isn’t enough to keep something alive forever.

[Alex ✰ Comets and Comments ✰ · Rating 5 out of 5]

“You and I loved riding the L train together, always wondering if whatever car we were in was the exact car where our own history began, the prologue to what should’ve been an epic love story.”




Very rarely do you come across a book that has the ability to snatch the air from your lungs, pull your heart straight out your ribs, plant a twinkle in your eye through the tears, and root itself so deep in your nervous system, that every-time you move - you move with the story.

Please, please - if you haven't already read this... Please do.

Given the chance - this novel will do so many amazing and breathtakingly beautiful things to you. Please let it.

Every page was a physical pain to turn. It sunk it's way into your bones and manifested into something ugly and beautiful and raw. This book will haunt you for a long time. Please let it.

In a way, not only do both Theo and Griff die in their respective manner. This book will kill you too.
Please let it.
_______________


history. his story.

“We were something, but history isn’t enough to keep something alive forever.”

This was the most I have ever cried with a book. I was a sobbing mess by the halfway mark, and I had to put the book down and buy some fucking ice cream to get me through it. You know, it's going to be a great book when the first line captivates you. You know it's going to be unforgettable when every line after doesn't lose that effect.

“ I know you’re not around to live, and I know you’re always going to live through me.”

I found it hard to breathe at one point. It's safe to say this is never ever leaving my favorites shelf and same goes for my heart. I listened to Tougher than the Rest by Bootstraps while reading this and the on-repeat soundtrack was the perfect melancholic tune that encompassed everything about this story.

“ I think I need to go back to the start, where we were two boys bonding over jigsaw puzzles and falling in love”

The one thing that killed me was the what-if's. Fuck, man.
All the little things throughout the story added up and I felt so heartbroken that after everything, Griff lost his endgame. In an alternative universe, Griff and Theo are sitting with their kids and making the largest fucking puzzle there is, all wearing pirate hats.

“I would sometimes find my lovesick self standing in front of the intercom, wishing I could press 2B and summon you down here into my arms.”

The mental-health aspect that was touched all through the story really connected. I understood and felt the things that Griffin was going through, and his OCD was really captured through the writing. Also, the fact that in the real-world, mental illnesses aren't just something you can escape from was so heavily embedded in the text. I liked that the realism was not ever questioned.

“I don’t know what will be left of me if love and grief can’t bring you back to life. Maybe I need to be brought back to life, too.”

The writing. Adam Silvera, if I had a dollar for everytime your writing made my heart squeeze and my eyes water, I would be buying all 7.4 billion people in this world a copy of this book so that they too can experience this type of magic.
The writing was beautiful, it had an abundance of literary devices and hidden metaphors that those who want a light read would possibly miss and it wouldn't take away from the story, but those that catch it would be getting a little something more emotionally.

“Love. I love you; this isn’t a past-tense love.”

My love for this story will never be lost. Just like Griff's love for Theo. I buddy read this book with this beautiful puff, and after she finished - she told me that she was scared to pick up an Adam Silvera book after this. I could not agree more. I want more of his writing and his heartache so bad, because it's stunning - but I am scared shitless of it. How can one entity make someone feel so much??!!

“People are complicated puzzles, always trying to piece together a complete picture, but sometimes we get it wrong and sometimes we’re left unfinished. Sometimes that’s for the best. Some pieces can’t be forced into a puzzle, or at least they shouldn’t be, because they won’t make sense.”

I am going to end this review on an even character count. I close with a heavy heart and a unique spark in my eye. This has undoubtedly become one of my all time favourite books and without a doubt one of my favorites of 2017.

[Reading_ Tamishly · Rating 4 out of 5]

I didn't like the storyline, the plot was messy and somehow problematic and, yes, it deals with death and grief. And I did not like any of the characters.

When I woke up this morning, the book was under my bed. I don't know what happened but I guess I got exhausted crying for every alternate chapter ever since the very first chapter.

This is one of those books which I would think twice before recommending it.

But I cried my being out while reading the first 70 percent of the book so much that I thought of taking meds to cure the splitting headache.

The best part of the book is the writing! I just couldn't put down the book because of the writing. Even when I was struggling with a dysfunctional nose and teary vision for most part of the reading.

I feel that the relationships in the story are toxic and problematic. More so because it's young adult. And more so because it seems like the adult characters had nothing much to say or do even when things went really bad.


The whole book is gloomy. The entire character line is tangled. I feel Rapunzel's hair will never get this tangled.

I feel like the main character is quite manipulative and is one of the most unlikeable ya characters I have ever read. The side characters didn't do much. I just couldn't like them. I feel their chemistry but there's lack of connection and charm.

I didn't like how the story turned out towards the second half. I didn't like the ending. Yes, I didn't like pretty much of anything. But the writing kept me hooked. And I cried too much while reading it. Yes, a masochistic 4 stars for just these two reasons.

[emi · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5/5 Stars

I'm sorry, but please don't be mad at me for reliving all of it. History is all you left me.

Hey you!

Yeah, you.

Do you like happiness?

And living?

And having your heart be perfectly okay?

Then this is not the book for you, but I think you should still read it anyway.

Now, I have a confession, I read this book back in January. According to Google, 178 days have come and gone with this book existing in my life. And in those 178 days, I've lied to everyone stating this review was coming and then proceeded to not write the review. What have I been doing? Probably sleeping or maybe eating chicken nuggets, let's be honest here. But today I've decided to change that, as it has come to my attention that there are people who haven't read this book yet. And, not even that, there are people who haven't read an Adam Silvera book before, and let me tell you, you haven't lived until you've read an Adam book. Even though he only has two books out at the time that I write this review, I can confidently state that he is one of the best authors out there at the moment. And with his newest novel, They Both Die at the End coming out in just a few short months, you only have a limited time to jump on the hype train before it's released. So why not start with this book, one of my favorite reads of the year so far.

However, as a side effect of writing a review almost 200 days late (and 62 entire books later), I remember almost nothing about this book except I cried about twenty times just during the first chapter alone. But, much like my life, we'll just BS the entire thing and hope my memory serves me correctly.



Tucked inside this package of perfection we have Griffin who's been in love with this boy named Theo for even longer than I've been in love with this book. And, unlike most of my relationships in life, it wasn't one-sided and Griffin and Theo date for awhile. However, before the events of this book take place, Theo moves away to California to attend school so the two love birds break up. Griffin, though, knows that his love for Theo will outlive any obstacle and one day they'll get back together and live happily ever after. And he knows this, despite the fact that Theo starts dating this guy named Jackson in California.

Now, I know what you're thinking. This can't get any more devastating right? Well, you're wrong, because, after a tragic accident, Theo dies. And that's where the book starts. Well, it starts at Theo's funeral. Not like right after he dies. Leaving Griffin, Jackson, myself, and yourself a puddle of emotions on the floor. But because Griffin is having a difficult time accepting the death of his first love, he starts to bond with Jackson and connect over the love over one boy they both shared.



Now, you might be wondering, "Why would I intentionally read a book that is gonna crush my heart into a thousand pieces?" And usually, I'd understand, as I don't like reading sad books either. But this is an Adam Silvera book, and I'll emphasize my love for him as much as I need to in order to convince you to pick this up. And besides, a tree wasn't murdered just to become three hundred pages of straight sadness.

*Infomercial voice* Because wait! There's more!

This book was sprinkled with so many scenes that made me smile and laugh and give thanks to my youth. Because not only do we get to read about Griffin and Jackson's journey of acceptance, but we also get to view the "history" part of this book, and perhaps my favorite part? or perhaps not. This entire book is my favorite part. So while we have the present day when everything is sad and your reading between blurry vision and a handful of tissues, you also get the story of the year before, when Griffin and Jackson's relationship is just beginning. When they are just two kids in love. And those scenes, while they too have their ups and downs, are coated in an atmosphere of fun and youth.

Adam beautifully weaves in the two storylines so beautifully, I don't even know how he did it. That man is so talented. I need him to teach me how to write. And that's not the only thing he waves into the story so beautifully, but there are also elements of mental illness that are addressed in such a respectful manner. Griffin, the MC, has OCD. While I personally don't have any experience with the disorder, and it is one touched so little in YA literature, I have read reviews that state it is an accurate portrayal.

Let me mention for the gazillionth time in this review that Adam Silvera is one of the best authors publishing books at the moment.



But why give this book a four-star review instead of five if I'm praising it so much? Originally, I did give it five stars, but I went back a few months ago to change it. There's just one part at the end, one element that was added in the last few chapters, that I didn't like. I won't mention what it is, bc spoilers and also I don't remember a characters name, but I felt like the book could have done without it. And as much as I wanted to leave the original rating for this book, I couldn't get over it, I would feel like I was lying to myself if left the rating at five stars.

Now, I hope this review was efficient enough for being over 30 years late. If I didn't convince you to read this book, then I have failed at life.

Please read it. Do it for me.

This review has been sponsored by All I Want by Kodaline. But maybe don't listen to that song for at least a month after you finish reading this.

[destiny ♡ howling libraries · Rating 3 out of 5]

“I'm sorry, but please don't be mad at me for reliving all of it. History is all you left me.”

Oh, where to start with this one. I have a lot of feelings about this book, and I guess I’ll just go ahead and get this out of the way: despite the fact that I still gave it a decent rating, I’m tremendously disappointed, because I thought for sure that this would be a 5-star read for me. I adored Adam’s most recent release, They Both Die at the End , to the degree that I put him on my auto-buy list immediately. I’d heard such good things about History that I went into it fully convinced it would be just as good, but that wasn’t entirely the case.

“I was in love and love died and the pain you've left isn't pain I can see myself having the strength to face again.”

First of all, Adam’s writing is not to blame here. I think he’s a magnificent storyteller; his voice is powerful and relentless, his books are filled to the brim with lovable quotes and moments that you just have to stop and soak in for a moment, and his plots are devastating, haunting, and downright beautiful. The story was not the problem. Griffin was.

“History remains with the people who will appreciate it most.”

Griffin, in theory, should’ve been a great character; he’s grieving and heartsick (we stan an angsty protagonist in this house), he’s a Potter fanatic, he’s a little cinnamon roll, and he offers a portrayal of OCD that, while at times incredibly repetitive, is brutally honest and takes the representation to a degree of accuracy (for some people with OCD—not all, obviously) that most authors aren’t willing to tackle.

“I'll never understand how time can make a moment feel as close as yesterday and as far as years.”

Unfortunately, all of the benefits to his character are overshadowed by how tremendously small his worldview is. Despite the fact that so many other people in his life are grieving alongside him, or perhaps even have reason to grieve more than Griffin does, he can’t possibly fathom the idea of anyone being half as broken as he is, and so he causes constant pain to the people around him. Perhaps this was intentional on Adam’s part, as a way to offer a particularly flawed protagonist, but it was just hard to stomach at times.

“History is nothing. It can be recycled or thrown away completely. It isn’t this sacred treasure chest I mistook it to be. We were something, but history isn’t enough to keep something alive forever.”

Throughout the story, as we alternate timelines between the past and present, it’s evident that we’re slowly building up to a devastating confession of Griffin’s, but by the time it hits, he’d become so unlikable for me that it didn’t even affect me emotionally. I felt like I had missed something huge.

I heard so many people say that this story crushed them entirely, that when I closed the cover with a dry eye—me, someone who cries over those Budweiser commercials with the dogs and the horses?—I knew something hadn’t clicked right. Thus, here we are, with a depressing rating that’s far lower than I thought I would ever give an Adam Silvera book, and if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be over here, moping.

[Warda]

DNF at page 121.

Well, that took a turn that I wasn’t prepared for.

My history with Adam Silvera:
More Happy Than Not — 3/5 ⭐️
They Both Die At the End — 4.5 ⭐️
What If It’s Us - 4.5 ⭐️

So, I knew going into this, it could’ve been a hit or miss for me. As soon as I started reading it, the writing style was already jarring me and the change between the past and the present wasn’t helping.

100 pages in, I thought I was getting used to the writing style, but there was just no excitement in picking this book up and my feelings towards it would constantly fluctuate between dislike and indifference, neither was I getting attached to the characters.

By page 121, I was just feeling empty and wasn’t interested in continuing on, so a DNF it became. The writing style hindered my enjoyment of the book, because the story was actually great. It’s the kind of style of writing that’ll either work for you or not. And since I didn’t, it didn’t allow me to form a connection to it at all.

My reading has been all over the place this year and so I don’t want to continue on with books that don’t have me slightly hooked by the 100-page mark.

[Larry H · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm at about 4.5 stars with this one.

Oh, man, this book...

Theo was Griffin's first love. They were best friends first, and then one day, Theo surprised Griffin by expressing his feelings for him, especially since they had never discussed either of them being gay. (This was Theo's secret; Griffin's was revealing to Theo that he knew he was suffering from obsessive-compulsive disorder and he wasn't quite sure what to do about it.)

"It's going to sound stupid, and I wouldn't ever say this out loud, but the way Theo and I came out to each other was sort of like getting caught in a thunderstorm. Storms can suck when they're knocking out power and ripping apart houses, no doubt. But other times the thunder is a soundtrack to something unpredictable, something that gets our hearts racing and wakes us up. If someone had warned me about the weather, I might have freaked out and stayed inside."

Griffin and Theo's relationship was truly special—they shared many inside jokes, romantic and goofy moments, and Theo tried to help Griffin deal with his OCD. When Theo gets the opportunity to attend college in California on early admission, Griffin has a feeling that being out of sight might mean out of mind with Theo, so he breaks up with him. But Griffin knows Theo is his endgame, and that they'll eventually find their way back to each other and their love.

As Theo's first year of college unfolds, it's no surprise that he begins dating Jackson. Griffin does his best to be happy for his best friend, but he is hurting, and his pain is making his compulsions more intense. He knows that Jackson wants Theo to stop being friends with Griffin as well as their other best friend Wade. Griffin starts to wonder whether he should try and move on to, if the endgame he had always dreamed of has changed. And then, without warning, Theo drowns.

Theo's death throws Griffin into a tailspin. He doesn't want to do anything—go to school, leave the house, anything except mourn for his true love and his best friend. To make matters worse, Jackson comes to New York for Theo's funeral and then stays for a little while, to escape from where the tragedy happened. Yet despite their mutual jealousy of the other, Jackson and Griffin start to open up to one another, since they're the only ones who truly knew Theo this way, and they're the only ones who feel this kind of grief.

But no matter how much they confide in each other, the pain of Theo's loving someone else, coupled with Griffin's grief, is dragging him down. He wants nothing more than to shut the world out—Wade, his family, everyone and everything. He can't ignore the fact that his OCD is getting more out of control, though, and he's starting to hurt everyone else in the process. The only way he can attempt to move on is to try and come to terms with his and Theo's history, from start to finish—without varnishing over anything or avoiding the pain.

This is an intense book, but it's not all as sad as you'd expect. I might have teared up a time or two, but I was surprised I didn't become more emotional given the subject matter. I think that's because Adam Silvera tried not to make the book too heavy, even as Griffin and the other characters dealt with some serious grief, as well as unresolved anger.

Silvera is such an excellent writer. His book More Happy Than Not made my list of the best books I read in 2015.

The book shifts back and forth from when Theo and Griffin's relationship first began to the present, and you wonder how everything is going to occur. I'll admit I struggled with Griffin's character a bit, because his grief made him a little too difficult to dealt with, and his selfcenteredness, while understandable, made him less than sympathetic at times. But as Silvera lets the whole story unfold, you can understand why he acts the way he does.

I read about 90 percent of this book in a day. It's not an easy read emotionally, but Silvera immerses you in the story and makes you feel the emotions his characters do. The fact that the boys' sexuality was just presented in a matter-of-fact way, without experiencing any homophobia or people's difficulty accepting them, once again leads me to wish this type of YA fiction existed when I was a YA.

See all of my reviews at http://itseithersadnessoreuphoria.blo....

[Alison · Rating 1 out of 5]

I probably should have DNF'd this book. But I had pushed through the audio for a readathon and had gotten so far, I thought heck, I'll just finish it. What a waste of time for me.
The only emotions this book evoked in me were boredom and annoyance. Boredom because nothing happens in this book. There are no big events that keep a reader interested, the conversations are dull, it switches between past and present and even in those moments nothing but every day life is happening. I want to read to escape my own dull life, not live through someone else's.
I'm not too sure this showed a grieving process in a healthy way either. The main character chooses to blame others, ignore those close to him, make bad decisions and refuse to take blame for them. He seems to enjoy making those around him just as miserable as him.
He also does some pretty effed up things and then blames the people around him instead of owning up to it, especially when it comes to playing with people's emotions. He was manipulative and mean.
There honestly were no redeeming qualities to this story for me. The plot was beyond boring, the characters were cliche most times, and the main character was a whiny piece of shit.

[Elyse Walters · Rating 5 out of 5]

"I don't know if I can stand hearing about your happiness with him, but maybe it'll
help me understand you better. Maybe it'll help me add pieces to the puzzle of your life."

Theo and Griffin - best friends since grade school - became 'boyfriends' when they were sixteen. Both with wonderful supportive parents...I laughed when Griffin's dad said..."That's wonderful, but no more sleepovers".
Soon, in a very funny scene, Griffin and Theo run into Griffin's dad while in a drug store. Busted, Griffin is holding a box of condoms and a bag of gummy bears.
Griffin thought he'd rather be caught masturbating than this embarrassment.... but 'cool dad'..... ( after a 'little' pause reaction of course), just says...."protection is important".
After an enlightening dialogue about the BEES & the BEES, Dad paid for those condoms with the items he was purchasing. The boys being gay - was so wonderfully natural,.... it was the smallest part of the story! Kudos to the author for gay being a non-issue-gender-issue.

When Theo dies in a drowning accident, Griffin's universe is shattered.
Jackson may be the new boyfriend.....but in Griffin's thinking, he had the longest 'love' history. FIRST LOVE is something 'very special'. He rules, and doesn't want to share his loss with some 'California boyfriend' Geeeezzzz!

Griffin meets Jackson at Theo's funeral in New York.
New-boyfriend, Theo, went to college with Jackson in California.
At first - I'm sure Griffin wanted to throw darts in Jackson's eyes... but it didn't take long for Griffin to have a change of heart about speaking with Jackson.
Griffin says:
"But now--as vulnerable or pathetic as this sounds --Jackson is someone I'm turning to. I'm not strong enough to suffer alone."

Author Adam Silvera alternates between the HISTORY and THE PRESENT.....through the eyes of Griffin. The grieving process takes on a life of its own-- with some surprising turns towards the end.

First rate writing- a gem of a story!!!

Themes explored are friendships, love, loss, grief, OCD, death, memories, laughter, fun times, faith, lies & honesty, with lots of warmth and tenderness!!

[Hari ~Brekker-Maresh~ · Rating 5 out of 5]

Edit: 7.25.17

Ok here I am, like two-ish days after I read the book... And I'm still dead.

This book was amazing.

If you aren't crying by sentence number one I'm sorry, I'm gonna have to ship your ass to Area 51 cuz you are not. Human.

I dare you. Read the next sentence without crying, or least without feeling the urge to cry.

You’re still alive in alternate universes, Theo, but I live in the real world, where this morning you’re having an open-casket funeral.

Could you do it?? Doubt it.

I've added all of Adam's Silvera's books to my to-read but I've never read any of them. I just didn't... Feel like it? Idk, I'm such a horrible mood reader.

But then I read that Because You Love To Hate Me and his villain was great, like really really good. Easily one of my favorite stories from that book. So I decided to check out some of his actual books.

That is approximately when I sold a piece of my soul to Adam Silvera. (The other pieces have been sold to other authors along the line, including recently, as many of you know, Victoria Schwab.)

The story follows two timelines: The present day and history.

Do I really need to tell you that both timelines will fuck you up majorly?

The history deals with how Griffin and Theo met, became best friends, became boyfriends, became ex-boyfriends, and then....?

The present day deals with Griffin's thoughts and feelings as he's grieving Theo's death. As if that's not bad enough, throw in a little bit of unreliable narration and a lot of talking to dead people and you have this incredible, jarring story that is bound to leave you in pieces.

But I'm getting ahead of myself...

Lemme tell you what it's actually about.

So Griffin, Theo, and Wade are three best friends, have been since middle school. When Griffin and Theo come out to each other (IN THE MOST ADORABLE WAY EVER) they start dating, and promise Wade that this won't mess up their friendship. Griffin and Theo declare their relationship at some family event, finally coming out to both sets parents.

“We’re dating, and we’ve decided if you’re uncool with it, we’re going to live here in the trees.” The words tumble out of his mouth in such a rush that it sounds like one long word instead of eighteen separate words.
“No, we said we’d live on the pier,” I add.
Theo glances at me. “I’m trying to throw them off. I don’t want them finding us if they’re not cool with it.” He turns his attention back to our parents. “We cool?”

AND. THE PARENTS WERE TOTALLY COOL WITH IT!! YES. (But no more sleepovers tho)

All is well and more amazingly beautiful things happen until one day Theo gets to go to college a year earlier than expected. Alllllll the way in California. (They live in New York, btw.)

So Griffin does what he thinks is the right thing and breaks up with Theo. Theo is devastated, of course. But Griffin promises this is only temporary until he gets to college as well.

I can’t predict what will happen this year, but I’m okay with more thunderstorms.


As they were walking towards the airport, Theo almost a gets hit by a car. Griffin knows Theo doesn't take care of himself and sees that he might lose Theo for every, in this way. So Griffin makes Theo promise that he won't die, under any circumstances. Theo agrees.

“But you have to promise me you’re not going to be stupid and walk into traffic. Don’t die at all. Okay?”
“Fine. I’ll never die,” Theo says, hugging me closer to him.
“I mean it. Promise me.”
“I promise you: I’ll never die.”

SPOILER: He breaks the promise.

A few weeks after he moved, Theo met a new guy called Jackson, who looks almost exactly like Griffin. And he falls in love with him, too.

And since Theo and Griffin agreed to stay friends, Griffin gets to hear every detail about their relationship.

*insert about 20 million spoilers here*

And then Theo dies.
And Griffin's life is horrible.
And Jackson comes from California to New York for the funeral.
And Jackson is staying with Theo's family.
And Jackson wants to talk to Griffin.
And Griffin does too cuz he's the only one that gets it.
And Griffin wants to know the Theo that was with Jackson.

*insert 400 million spoilers here*

Yeah... It's good.

Just when you think nope, I cannot. I cannot put myself through this, BAM. Adam Silvera ends the chapter, and we're laughing again, in the good old days. But the good old days don't always stay golden... That darkened up as well.

Super important details you should know about Griffin:

•He LOVES Harry Potter, as much as Theo loved Star Wars. (Theo never read Harry Potter. What a shame.)

The Harry Potter references in this book are everything!!

Cedric’s death is no doubt my most painful loss ever.

Yes, he's talking about Cedric as in Diggory, and before you ask, no. Theo hasn't died yet. This is part of the history.

•He has OCD, meaning he has to count off from four instead of three (even numbers are cool, odd numbers suck. Except seventeen. Cuz his birthday is May 17th and mine is May 19th, just saying.) and he always has to be on the left of somebody. Not their right. Meaning he won't sit shot-gun in the car unless he moves to Europe. Yeah it's pretty bad.

•His parents are totally cool, including his dad. Very supportive, and more protective after Theo's death.

“I know you don’t need some birds-and-bees talk,” Dad continues. “Birds and birds? Maybe it’s bees and bees? I’m not sure if the bird or the bee is the boy in that idiom.” He gets lost trying to figure that out for a second before returning to earth.”

That particular convo happened when Griffin's dad caught him and Theo buying condoms in the store and decided to buy them himself as they were trying to leave.

•Theo is the only one allowed to call Griffin "Griff" okay?

•Theo loves to give him grief about shit he said years ago. For laughs of course.

"How often does Halloween land on a Friday?”
“More so than it lands on Friday the thirteenth,” Theo says. (He was quoting Griffin.)

•Griffin is basically talking to Theo for most of the current timeline so you're gonna be reading a lot of "you" as if his words won't cut you deep enough.

•All hopes of God- gone. As soon as Theo died. He doesn't get why everyone tries to reference God, when they could be staking to Theo instead.

I don’t understand why he would be talking to God for comfort when he could be talking to you.

So you see????? It's hilarious. And depressing. Both emotions get mixed up and at one point you won't be able to sort anything out (I found that bawling helps)

Jackson's side character role is pretty life-changing. Oh and he also comes with his own personal drama in the form of two best friends that are girls. Griffin meets them as well...

These two are I’m-forgetting-I’m-gay stunning.

The rest... I don't want to say it. I don't even know how to say it.

Fuck the following quotes....

1. You’re dead, and I’m the worst kind of alive.

Go to hell go to hell go to hell.. Don't make me cry. Actually no this is what I love.

2. “Maybe if we keep letting things crash and burn, everything else is bound to fall back in place.”
Or maybe the fire will grow.

This one doesn't seem like much... Until you know the circumstance.

3. It’s been one month since you died.
It’s been one month since you lived.

WHYYYY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME???

One more thing. I really expected to hate certain parts of this book, maybe even like it more if a few parts were removed... But no. I loved every destroying second of this book. I wouldn't change a single sentence. The flow of events, the structure of the book, the words. Everything! It all worked out perfectly. And beautifully. And elegantly. And I didn't even cringe at anything, like I expected I would.

I'm definitely picking this up again when I need a good cry...

Edit: 7.20.17

Adam Silvera? Fuck you.

I fucking hate you.

I don't mean that, I'm sorry.

Why the hell do you have to do this to me??????

I'm going to buy all your books by default.

How the fuck do you have such control over my emotions?

I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you except I actually don't.

You are fucking brilliant and this book is fucking amazing.

I wish I could tag you, or something, so you could see this. This book is easily now one of my favorites.

I can't rate this ANYTHING below like, 6 stars. (Except GR is a bitch, so I'll be stuck with rating it a 5, which makes this gem just feel insignificant.)

[Maxwell]

I had a feeling before I started this that it wouldn't be my thing. I don't read a lot of YA, and especially don't read a lot of YA contemporary. But I wanted to give it a chance because it was part of my 2017 BookTube Recommends project. However, after reading 25% of the book I know it's not my jam. I couldn't click with the writing style, especially the switching back and forth of the 1st person and 2nd person tenses between chapters. I might've been able to spend a few more hours and finished this one, but I would rather DNF than force myself to keep reading and then end up giving it a low rating. That's not fair to the author, and that's not fair to people who read my reviews since I knew from early on that I wasn't liking this. That isn't to say other people won't enjoy this one. In fact, I know a ton of people who love this book, and I'm glad that they do because it tackles some really important topics and seems to do a good job handling them. I just couldn't bring myself to get into the story and didn't want to force it.

[Sabaa Tahir · Rating 5 out of 5]

A compelling and cerebral exploration of friendship, young love, OCD, grief, healthy relationships, damaged relationships, broken hearts, broken people and selfishness--all from the point of view of an endearing but fascinatingly unreliable narrator. A completely different read from Adam Silvera's first phenomenal book, MORE HAPPY THAN NOT, and yet just as powerful. Absolutely a 5-star read.

[Whitney Atkinson · Rating 4 out of 5]

I started this book because I wanted a book that would get me in my feels, and although this got me teary a few times, it wasn't as sad as I was expecting it to be.

There was actually a lot of depth to this that I wasn't expecting. All the characters are so flawed and it was really refreshing to not be a typical loss story. It was so much more complex than I thought it would be and I was really refreshed and impressed. Even though Griffin makes questionable choices, you still root for him. It was a story that you get so invested into the characters, and the history versus now narration of it was done so well.

Overall, it didn't quite live up to the hype for me, but it was still really impressive quality and it was heartbreaking.

[Elle (ellexamines on TT & Substack) · Rating 3 out of 5]

**Minor spoilers ahead, but I'm not naming any names.

Ignore my rating, because I am full of mixed feelings right now.

It's not that this was a bad book by any means. Maybe my expectations were too damn high. Maybe I just wasn't in the mood to have my heart totally broken. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that when I picked up this book, I was expecting a significant romantic aspect. Well... it's there. And it's good! Until the end. And then it freaking sucks and ruined this book for me.

Because I'm annoying like that, let's start with the romance and all the ways it failed.

• This is a 300-page book, and an entirely separate romantic plotline pops up at page 250. Do you understand how bitter I am typing this? This book spends at least 50% of page time on one specific love interest. Their relationship is slow-building and incredibly compelling. Except it all goes to shit in the space of about five pages, and suddenly another romance pops up out of fucking nowhere at the 250-page mark, as a plot twist. This wasn't me being unobservant, the existence of this other romance is literally a plot twist. This isn't even the first time this has happened in Silvera's books– romance-as-a-plot-twist happens in BOTH of them. After so much great relationship development with another character, it especially doesn't work here. This entire book focuses around two relationships, and then suddenly it's all about an entirely different relationship.

• And that's not to say I didn't find the third romantic plotline sweet, because I did. I just felt incredibly let down. The twist should have happened earlier, or even better, the two characters should have interacted much more in the first half of the book. The two characters in question BARELY interact beforehand. It's such an ubrupt ship change, when I was already on board with ship #1. Who does this? There's also the fact that the THIRD love interest (yes, there are THREE) is not developed much. Of course, I can understand why that was; maybe because, as I've mentioned about five times now, HE SHOWS UP FIFTY PAGES BEFORE THE END. Not that the third couple weren't cute, it was just. so. abrupt. There's no relationship development.

• The relationship with the second love interest breaks down rather abruptly after a lot of buildup. They fuck up their relationship, and this leads them to suddenly ignore their budding romance and their previous friendship. It didn't work for me. It seemed altogether too sudden. I don't even get the point of having a ship change at all.

• Everything about this romantic storyline could've been ignored if the characters held up, but to me, Silvera's characters always seem more defined by their relationships than by their personalities. They're not uncompelling characters, but I don't feel about them the way so many others on my feed seem to. The relationships in this book will stay with me forever, but I don't think the characters are staying with me more than a week. Maybe Silvera's character work is just not for me.

• I can't handle how Silvera's book endings. I'm a person who likes her sad books to come with emotionally cathartic endings, and the ending didn't deliver for me. My issue with the ending to More Happy Than Not was the tragedy. My issue with this book's ending is the anticlimactic nature of it. Partially, I was so disappointed in the plot twist that I couldn't even make myself feel happy at the ending. This ending didn't feel deserved. I don't know, that twist really did ruin this book for me.

SO. Given how important to the story the relationship element was, I had a lot of complaints. But there were some incredible things about this book, and I don't want to give the impression this was a bad reading experience.

GOOD THINGS ABOUT THIS BOOK

• The gorgeous writing! Adam Silvera's prose is just so good. It's gorgeous and understated and absolutely perfect for this story.

• The representation of OCD was very sympathetic without romanticizing mental illness. Which is sadly kind of a rare balance. There's no curing Griffin's OCD, but there is treatment. That aspect of the book was great.

• Silvera's relationship crafting is excellent. You know, when it actually happens rather than occurring as a plot twist.

I'm especially disappointed because up to around page 225 I was REALLY loving this. But I just can't give this four stars when the romantic plotline disappointed me so much. Recommended tentatively.

[mimi (depression slump) · Rating 4 out of 5]

History is All You Left Me is the healing process of a young boy, Griffin, who lost his first love due to a fatal accident. To help himself, he tells us the story of him and Theo until he realises something very important when you remember your history with someone.
Sometimes it's easy to remember only the good things about a person because all you two have is history.

A lot is going on here: the two were best friends, and then they fall in love but broke up because Theo is moving to California. Then he meets someone else and, obviously, Griffin is heartbroken. But they still love each other, so Theo leaves Griffin on the hook.
When the latter is finally ready to move on, Theo dies. Feeling guilty is a euphemism.

I just know Adam Silvera could kill the joy in a room full of people with just a phrase. And even if this was meant to be a compliment, I have to admit I wasn't prepared for such a heavy narration.
Sometimes stories are sad and can also end badly, but there's something in the way they are told that doesn't make them feel like a story about actually grieving. Here, on the other hand, there’s just that: sadness and mourning.
And yes, I do know it's its purpose, but I also wasn't expecting to cry every chapter.

This novel is the best representation of a loss I've ever read. Griffin is young and has a mental illness, but everything he goes through isn't that far away from reality.
When people lose someone they love they can act in very different ways, they don't know what to do and they do stuff even if they know they're not good for them. So yes, you sleep with people you shouldn't sleep with, and you skip school or work and do a lot of other despicable things. Or maybe you just lay in bed without moving an inch.
At some point tho, you remember also the not-so-good things he did or said. No one is perfect, but it's pretty damn hard to remember that when that person isn't just here anymore.

So if history is all it is left, you have to get that right at the least.

↠ 4 stars

[Benjamin · Rating 5 out of 5]

There isn't a day when I don't think about this book and cry for it...
......................................................................................................
Just going back and remembering the moment my life stopped making sense.

Happy Pride Month!
......................................................................................................
I know nobody will ever read or see this post/review, but as there's no one else on my life who would hear me either, I just had the need to express how much I loved this book and how my life won't ever be the same after reading this.
......................................................................................................

“History is nothing. It can be recycled or thrown away completely. It isn’t this sacred treasure chest I mistook it to be. We were something, but history isn’t enough to keep something alive forever.”

I'm gonna be sincere, I cried for a day and I even skipped school just to read this book.

So, let's get this done.

History is all you left me is the kind of book that will leave you with all types of sadness, that will blow your mind and will make you feel as if you have lost something or someone as if you were incomplete.

This is the story (or should I say history?) of Griffin, the love of his life (Theo), and the pain he brought to him with his death. (I hate you, Theo).

At very first pages, you would be able to start living the (probably) most painful moment of your life. And with this, I mean that you will literally read some of the most painful quotes from the book.

The book alternates between the present (today) and the past (history). Through the book, we get to know how Theo’s actions and death had left Jackson (Theo’s boyfriend) and Griffin with so many scars. They will learn from their mistakes, they will suffer but at end of the journey, they will have to heal and accept who they are.

“I'm blown away by how happy you make me. Thank you for being there for me when I'm stupid enough to think I'd rather be alone.”

What makes this book different from others is the way it has of showing how we, humans, have our own ways of going through pain. Our own world conception can lead us to take some decisions.

Talking about the characters, I loved them all, but if I had to say which one was my favorite, I would definitely say it was Griffin. I could identify with him because I know by myself how hard is to live with an OCD, and even though I have never been in love or even in a relationship, I felt as if I could understand how much he needed to be loved, how hard is to be alone. I am at the same time jealous of him and happy for him. I’ve never felt what I felt for Griffin for a long long time.

On the other hand, I couldn´t understand Jackson, I wish I had, but well, that wasn’t the case and the only thing I’m going to say about him, is how nice he was or how he the perfect representation of maturity was.

Wade was my second favorite, he is so cute and I love him, and I’m not anything else, if you really wanna know why I liked him so much, you will have to go through the sense of loss I went through.
A well, we finally have our freaking Theo. What can I say about him if not that I hate him, but I know I shouldn’t cause if it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t have been able to read this gorgeous story. I will call him “Theo, Lord of the Pain” for the rest of my entire life.

“People are complicated puzzles, always trying to piece together a complete picture, but sometimes we get it wrong and sometimes we’re left unfinished. Sometimes that’s for the best. Some pieces can’t be forced into a puzzle, or at least they shouldn’t be because they won’t make sense.”

I think there’s nothing left to say, or rather there’s nothing more I should say. You just gotta go to the bookstore 'cause you can't keep living if you haven't read it. And of course, if you’ve already read it and you are still trying to endure pain, feel free to suffer with me (I can’t do it alone).

[AMEERA · Rating 5 out of 5]

OMG this book absolutely my favorite book of 2017 until 20100 it's just so sad and beautiful and unique and of course Adam silvera such good author to give us something beautiful like that

[Christy · Rating 4 out of 5]

4 stars!

“History is nothing. It can be recycled or thrown away completely. It isn’t this sacred treasure chest I mistook it to be. We were something, but history isn’t enough to keep something alive forever.”

History is All You Left Me is my first book by Adam Silvera, and let me tell you… it packed a punch. It was a compelling, heartbreaking, and beautifully written story.

This is the story of Griffin. It’s told part from present day, and part from the past. In the present, Griffin’s heart is shattered by the loss of his first love, Theo. He’s not coping well. Between his already present OCD and the strained friendship he’s had with Theo, it hits him hard. He doesn’t know what to do or who to turn to, but seems to focus on Theo’s current boyfriend, Jackson.

I had very mixed feelings about Jackson at the start. I didn’t know how to feel about Theo at times either. Still, by the end I liked Jackson a lot and the relationship he ended up having with Griffin. Theo was conflicting as well. The more I learned about his past, the more confused I was with how I felt about him. The only person I wasn’t confused about was Wade. I completely adored him. Favorite character of the book by far.

Back to Theo and Griffin. Some of my favorite parts of the story were the lighter chapters in the beginning about their past. The story of how they came out to each other and their parents warmed my heart. I loved Theo’s Star Wars addiction and Griffin’s Harry Potter obsession (I’m a huge fan of both).

I feel like this book went into directions I wasn’t expecting and I didn’t know how to feel about some of the revelations that occurred. So many times I was at a loss of how to feel… all I know is that I felt. I don’t want to spoil things, so I won’t go on about these things that came to light, but some of them shocked me in a good way, and some in a not so good way.

This book was truly emotional and gave me a lot of feels, but for some reason it wasn’t a tear jerker for me. I was expecting all these tears, but for some reason they just didn’t come. History is All You Left Me is a heart wrenching story of first loves, grief, betrayal, forgiveness, and friendship. I haven’t read any other Silvera books, but I will be getting to that sooner rather than later!

[Korrina · Rating 5 out of 5]

There's nothing quite like an Adam Silvera novel.

Both of his books are so heartbreakingly raw, real and beautiful. The entire time I was reading this I felt like I was truly experiencing things through Griffin, and it caused me to relive some tough memories from my own past. I also lost a friend to a drowning accident when I was a teenager and it's something you can never truly 'get over'. Anyways, I felt all of Griffin's anxiety, grief, guilt, happiness and longing as I took this journey with him. He was a very real character for me and I won't soon forget him.

This was a stunning story, and Adam is an important and valuable voice in YA literature. Please add this to your TBR and preorder it - it's absolutely worth the read.

[Kenchiin · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really can't review this I'm sorry, just read it.

[Isa Cantos (Crónicas de una Merodeadora) · Rating 4 out of 5]

"You used our love against me. Now I'm using your love against you".

Y Adam Silvera lo hizo de nuevo. ¿Cuándo ha sido capaz un autor de hacerme llorar durante páginas y páginas y aguantar las lágrimas en las que quedan? History Is All You Left Me es un libro que hay que leer con mantitas, chocolate y pañuelos al lado, de lo contrario la depresión está asegurada.

La historia empieza con Griffin preparándose para asistir al funeral de su ex-novio. Tragedia desde la página uno, ya se los digo. History Is All You Left Me se narra desde dos tiempos: el pasado, donde Griffin nos cuenta cómo conoció a Theo, todo sobre su amistad, su relación y el amor que compartieron; y el presente, donde Griffin está lidiando con la pérdida, sentimientos encontrados y con Jackson, quien era el novio de Theo cuando murió.

History Is All You Left Me es un libro que te destroza emocionalmente. Adam Silvera describe tan bien el sentimiento de pérdida, desesperación, soledad e impotencia al que se enfrenta Griffin, que es imposible no sentir todo como propio. Cada página que narraba ese pasado en el que Griffin y Theo eran la típica pareja tontita en etapa de luna de miel, el ver cómo se querían y se prometían el sol y la luna era devastador, pues nunca puedes olvidar que el siguiente capítulo será en el presente cuando el funeral y entierro de Theo es inminente.

¿Y qué decir de los capítulos del presente? Adam Silvera sabe cómo construir personajes absolutamente reales y tridimensionales. No son chicos puestos en un escenario de páginas de papel, cuando lees History Is All You Left Me se vuelven personas que viven y respiran, personas que aman, lloran y hacen estupideces. Theo, Griffin, Jackson, todos y cada uno de ellos se salen de las páginas para ser clichés, romper estereotipos y representar la realidad, todo al mismo tiempo. Son chicos con dudas, chicos a los que les gustan otros chicos, chicos que cometen errores y chicos que aprenden que los sentimientos son un arma de doble filo.

A lo largo de todo History Is All You Left Me descubres una historia que nunca pensaste posible. Adam Silvera, así como es experto en crear personajes inolvidables, crea giros en la trama que nunca viste venir. Son giros que te dejan sin aire, sintiéndote traicionado y en un estado de shock del que tardas varias páginas en salir. Las cartas cambian, las máscaras caen y lo peor de todos sale a relucir. Pero nada es fortuito ni retorcido, todo lo que sucede está guiado e impulsado por los sentimientos y las desconexiones entre lo que piensa tu cabeza y lo que siente tu corazón.

Creo que nunca superaré la cantidad de daño que pueden hacerse unas personas a otras, incluso cuando claman que sienten algo el uno por el otro. Nunca superaré la capacidad destructiva que surge del conocer (y utilizar maliciosamente) las debilidades de la persona que amas más que a nadie. Me parecía increíble que un libro que, en ciertos momentos del pasado, pintaba tan puro y lleno de amor se convirtiera en un juego de venganzas y de "veamos quién le puede hacer más daño al otro".

Sin embargo, y más allá de eso, History Is All You Left Me es un libro que nunca olvidas, que te marca profundamente y que juega con tus sentimientos como un director juega con su batuta dirigiendo a una orquesta. Desde el momento en el que lees la primera línea, estás a merced de Griffin, de Theo y de Jackson... eres un espectador más de su historia. Un espectador que sólo puede encajar todos los golpes que se lanzan unos a otros y que llora por todo lo que pudo ser y nunca sucedió. Nadie dijo nunca que el amor fuera fácil... y Adam Silvera muestra aquí la parte más frívola, dura, vengativa y dolorosa de él.

"Love, the hugest liar in the universe".

[Kyoko SWords · Rating 1 out of 5]

Esperen tomo un poco de aire para poder escribirles todas las cosas que me amargaron esta lectura y que me dañaron la buena racha de libros leídos que estaba teniendo en el año. De hecho puedo resumir toda mi experiencia en una sola impresión: UGH, ESTO ES DEMASIADO MELODRAMAAAA (y ojo, que drama y melodrama no son lo mismo).

Acá tenemos la historia de Griffin, a quien se le muere su ex, Theo. Theo estaba en una relación con Jackson, y por supuesto tanto Griffin como Jackson están en un duelo muy profundo porque ambos amaban a Theo, y Theo amaba a su forma a los dos. En medio del luto tanto Griffin como Jackson descubren que entre los dos entienden su pena y solo ellos se pueden ayudar a superarlo.

Y eso es todo… exceptuando con algunos puntos de giro, otros personajes importantes y algunas revelaciones, el libro se puede resumir en eso. ¡¡320 páginas para solo eso!!

En realidad el "desarrollo" de personajes es positivo. Es decir, es muy bonito ver a una persona superar las adversidades y acá hay tres personajes que lo hacen muy bien. Y la aparición de Wade es lo mejor del libro; Wade es un personaje que toma protagonismo con el pasar de la historia y es casi de lo único que vale la pena leer porque es el personaje más creíble. Además el lenguaje es impecable. Realmente el libro está bien escrito (mas no bien construido).
Y por último hay que recalcar que la intención del autor es valiosísima; puedo entender la importancia de exponer historias de amor en la comunidad LGBT, una comunidad que muchos ignorantes la relacionan con únicamente relaciones carnales indiscriminadas y nada más.
El problema es que las intenciones de Silvera se ahogan en una terrible ejecución.

Este libro peca de relleno, ritmo lento, diálogos insufribles, situaciones irreales y demasiado idealizadas, personajes planos y pésimamente construidos, melodrama gratuito, pero sobre todo este libro tiene un problema gigante conmigo: EL "HYPE".

TODO EL MUNDO ME DIJO QUE IBA A LLORAR MARES CON ÉL, que lo iba a amar y que me iba a cambiar la vida, que no había libro más inspirador que este y que por se fujoshi casi que sería una joya de mi librero… Yo solo puedo decir en mi defensa que tengo la edad, experiencia y conocimiento suficiente para decirles que tristemente estas historias “de cuentos de hadas” no me bajan ya ni con Nesquik.
NO DERRAMÉ NI UNA SOLA LÁGRIMA… Solo se me aguaron los ojos pero de tanto bostezar. Ni porque soy amante de las historias de amor entre hombres me pude enamorar de la novela.

De las 320 páginas solo 100 son sustanciosas, el resto es puro relleno que no aporta más que melodrama innecesario. Además, Silvera tiene un problema y es que hace de situaciones importantes una narración de un párrafo, y de situaciones que no importan nada, narraciones de dos páginas e incluso de capítulos enteros.
Las situaciones irreales, los diálogos insufribles y los personajes planos son fruto de relaciones idealizadas. Los personajes (TODOS) hablan con metáforas super rebuscadas y “juegos” de palabras que en vez de producir ternura, dan más grima que otra cosa. LAS PERSONAS REALES NO HABLAN ASÍ. Y yo sé que ustedes dirán que son ficción BLA BLA BLA… Yo se los dejo en que no sirve de nada crear personajes “hermosos” y “especiales” si no puedes relacionarte con ellos ni siquiera en su manera de expresarse. Su forma de hablar, su forma de pensar, su forma de actuar, TODO ES TAN FORZADO que es simplemente incómodo de leer.
Ahora, todo esto sería más pasable si el ritmo le ayudara, pero es un libro lento, plano, que usa las mismas formulas narrativas en cada capítulo y que la única “novedad” es que hay capítulos que están narrando el pasado y otros que están narrando el presente; y esa jugada tampoco le sale bien al autor pues Griffin presenta escasa evolución en todos los años de narración que transcurren en la historia.

¿Tengo que seguir? ¡Ah sí! voy a repetir que este libro es un melodrama entero. Y debo aclarar que las tragedias (o dramas) me gustan. Pero los melodramas NO.

En conclusión: Este libro deja mensajes bonitos y presenta situaciones necesarias. La muerte es algo con lo que puedo lidiar, pero el olvido no. El salir de la vida de un ser querido porque alguien así lo decidió sí es algo que me cala hondo y esa fue la única fibra que me logró mover esta historia. Pero definitivamente el exceso de melodrama no lo hace un libro apto para mí. Su lectura se me convirtió en todo un problema.

Por otro lado, este libro le gustará mucho a los amantes de las historias pasivas. Si eres fan de los melodramas, este es tu libro. Si tienes gustos muy opuestos a los míos, esta también puede ser una gran opción de lectura. Si ya leíste libros de Adam Silvera y te gustaron, este puede que también te guste. Por mi lado, es el segundo libro de Adam que pasa por mis ojos (el primero lo abandoné) y creo que será el último que lea de él.

1,5 estrellas. En el fondo sabía que este libro no era mi tipo pero ahí voy yo de pendeja a leerlo porque alguien me lo recomendó tanto que me dejé convencer. Lección aprendida. Mi instinto casi nunca falla.

[Luciana Gomez Mauro · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Él me hacía sentir a salvo del mundo y me hacía sentir a salvo de mí mismo".

Que manera de sufrir con todo el maldito libro, desde la página uno ya tiene tus sentimientos al borde de un abismo.
Es increíble cómo me hizo pasar por tantas emociones al leerlo, varias veces tuve que dejar la lectura por qué sentía que me estaba ahogando, solo necesitaba tiempo para pensar y asimilar lo que estaba pasando.

La historia está dividida en dos tiempos (pasado y presente) y la voz narradora es Griffin, al principio en tiempo presente comienza con el funeral de Theo (ex novio de Griffin) y en tiempo pasado él cuenta como nació su historia con Theo cuando ambos salen del armario. En tiempo presente Griffin encuentra consuelo en el novio actual de Theo después de terminar con él.
Me gustó mucho la forma de escribir de Adam Silvera, me gustó cómo llevo durante todo el libro el sufrimiento de Griffin por la muerte de Theo. Me encantó la doble cara de los personajes, por qué ninguno es tan bueno ni tan malo. El autor creó personajes tan reales.
En varias situaciones del libro quería golpear a Griffin y en otras lo apoyaba con lo que hacía. (Cómo cuando tomo la venganza que ya conocemos, yo creo que hubiese hecho lo mismo).

Algo que quiero destacar es que me encantó como el autor habla del tema de la sexualidad entre dos hombres y como son los padres de Griffin y Theo respecto a la sexualidad de sus hijos. Ojalá todos los padres del mundo fueran tan abiertos como ellos. Y acepten que no es raro que a su hijo le gusten los niños o viceversa, tienen que respetar la sexualidad de una persona. También como lleva el Trastorno de Griffin, con su obsesión por los números pares y sus problemas con los impares, todo estuvo muy bien llevado.

La historia en si me hizo sufrir y enloquecer, pero estoy impactada con esos dos párrafos finales.
Y si le saque una estrella, fue por qué sobran páginas, hay varias escenas que no aportan nada a la trama y que incluso se me hacían muy densas.

Ahora quiero ir a una sesión de Spoilers, por qué tengo que hablar de ese maldito final.
Aquí comienzan los Spoilers del final, si ya leíste el libro sigue leyendo..


Cuando Griffin revela que sufre de trastorno delirante me quedé en shock. Pensaba que solo sufría del trastorno obsesivo- compulsivo y nada más, pero Si Sufre también de eso, ¿Significa que nada pasó?, ¿Que todo lo que pasó después de la muerte de Theo fue un delirio de él?. ¿Nada pasó entre el duelo de él y Jackson?. Ayyyyy necesito respuestas, y además.. entendí la culpa que sintió Griffin con la muerte de Theo y también de Jackson. Pero,¿Que fue lo que impulsó a Theo a meterse al océano?. En el mensaje que él escucho de Griffin ese día, en ningún momento Griffin confesó que estaba en una relación con Wade (lo cual esa relación me sorprendió un montón). Entonces, ¿por qué Theo quiso ir solo al océano?, es lo que no entiendo. Necesito también respuestas, o aunque sea una teoría. Pero no puedo entenderlo.
No creo que haya Sido un suicidio, no veo por qué Theo se hubiese querido suicidar después de escuchar ese mensaje que no informaba nada de la verdad.
Si lo leíste dime tu versión del final, estoy enloqueciendo.

No hay más que decir del libro, es una historia que vale la pena ser leída. Y más por los temas que trata.

[Melissa ♥ Dog/Wolf Lover ♥ Martin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Well, that was sad 😕



Mel 🖤🐶🐺🐾