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Zen Bender: A Decade-Long Enthusiastic Quest to Fix Everything
Hooked on Self-Help
Craving a quick fix: When the recession turned her life upside down, Stephanie Krikorian had to reinvent her life...and fast. She started ghostwriting self-help books for women. Between writing and researching she realized that everywhere she looked there was AFOG. Another freaking opportunity for growth. Soon she wasn't just writing each book; she was living them. This was the start of a ten-year zen bender of dieting, dating, journaling, meditating, and Marie-Kondo-ing on a quest for that ultimate self-help high.
Fifty and fabulous: Stephanie Krikorian spent her forties trying all of the dating hacks to find love and respect, all of the diets to build self-esteem in a new body, and all of the spiritual guidance to become centered through self-care. On the brink of turning fifty she realized that being better wasn't what she craved; it was something else altogether.
Learn to laugh at yourself and trust yourself: Zen Bender is the story of one woman's journey to radical acceptance, with some questionable advice along the way. A witty, moving, insightful story, the woman behind bestselling celebrity self-help books shares her story of being hooked on the self-help fix for a decade before learning that all the self-help in the world won't help you trust gut.
A Self-confidence book for women: For anyone tired of promises to change everything in just thirty days, this book is a breath of fresh air. Readers who enjoyed self-confidence books for women like The Universe Has Your Back, The Self-Love Experiment, and The Gifts of Imperfection; will love the message of radical acceptance in Zen Bender: A Decade-Long Enthusiastic Quest to Fix Everything (That Was Never Broken).
224 pages, Paperback
Published August 15, 2019
28 people are currently reading
164 people want to read
About the author
Stephanie Krikorian
9 books3 followersStephanie Krikorian is a New York Times Bestselling celebrity ghostwriter. She writes the Hamptonomics column for the New York Post and her work has appeared in O, the Oprah Magazine and the Wall Street Journal. Prior to launching her ghost-writing business, Stephanie worked in TV news for CNBC, BusinessWeek, Reuters, and in the digital department for WSJ.com. One Emmy nomination and 20-plus book collaborations later, Zen Bender is Stephanie's first solo book.
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Displaying 1 - 16 of 16 reviews
February 13, 2020
I quite liked and in some places, hated this book. I very much related to the author in some of the places and experiences in her life. We seemed to be living very similar lives in a few aspects, but there were also some things that just didn’t make sense to me for such a smart woman. However, overall the book was quite an enjoyable read, filled with honesty and humor.
My big issue is I think the name is a bit misleading. The book isn’t about Zen or pursuing Buddhist solutions and going to those types of events; “New Age Bender” or “Self-help Bender” would have been far more accurate at title. “Zen” is often used as a catch all for anything new age and that’s a tad inaccurate for a 2,500 year old religion/philosophy.
The author, who is a ghost writer for self help books, not only follows the advice of the book she is helping to write so as to make it a more readable and organized read, but also seeks out dating coaches, Reiki healers, numerologist, and all manner of self-fixing type gurus to help her make life better and “fix” what she feels isn’t ideal in her life. Some of these things seem fun and interesting, and some make the reader wonder how such a smart and successful person could spend hard earned money on such things and buy so deeply into the prognostications and evaluations being sold her. She’s obviously a funny, talented, creative and hard working individual, but her forays into the new age life solution department raise the eyebrows more than once.
Towards the end, she sees that some of this is unnecessary and that she has a good life and doesn’t really need all this “fixing”. As I read along I wanted to keep telling her that the one thing she didn’t experiment with or cover, actual Zen, could have told her to live in the moment, not the past or future, and that her desires for the things outside herself to be different than they were was a significant cause in her dissatisfaction and anxiety. Learning to be at peace with ‘what is’ takes away a great deal of the anxiety which we feel and create. Kirkorian, does experiment with meditation, but doesn’t seem to go into any in depth study for herself of how it works and what it is capable of doing for the practitioner. She picks an online meditation class that she start off doing while watching the news and drinking wine. You sort of wondered if she didn’t understood at all how it is supposed to work. Down the road, she gets a instruction session for $200. It was a private lesson that gave her a mantra got her more involved, but it barely touched on what meditation and evenZen or other Buddhist teaching could do for her which is the very thing she seemed to be paying everyone else for but not getting in any long term way. One introductory Zen weekend could have given her a lot of tools that she was trying to get by going to all the other different new age gurus and it would have cost her only slightly more than that one meditation mantra, but then again, she wouldn’t have had the book, if she didn’t experience the new age adventure.
It was a fascinating and frank telling of how the author has spent the last 10 years learning about different new age ways of trying to improve ones life, and the difficulties that an intelligent single woman goes through trying to make a successes of herself and her life and career. She seems to have a much firmer grasp on things towards the end of the book, and her experience did give her some of what she was searching for as well as friendships and fun adventures to recount.
At one point Kirkorian speaks of a screen play she’s working on that a clairvoyant (?) brought up when she was looking for answers about her future. It seemed once this was brought up during the session that what Kirkorian really needed was a professional sounding board more than insight into the future. From her obvious skill with humor and writing, I hope this is a project that comes to fruition in the near future. I would definitely read more from this writer.
My big issue is I think the name is a bit misleading. The book isn’t about Zen or pursuing Buddhist solutions and going to those types of events; “New Age Bender” or “Self-help Bender” would have been far more accurate at title. “Zen” is often used as a catch all for anything new age and that’s a tad inaccurate for a 2,500 year old religion/philosophy.
The author, who is a ghost writer for self help books, not only follows the advice of the book she is helping to write so as to make it a more readable and organized read, but also seeks out dating coaches, Reiki healers, numerologist, and all manner of self-fixing type gurus to help her make life better and “fix” what she feels isn’t ideal in her life. Some of these things seem fun and interesting, and some make the reader wonder how such a smart and successful person could spend hard earned money on such things and buy so deeply into the prognostications and evaluations being sold her. She’s obviously a funny, talented, creative and hard working individual, but her forays into the new age life solution department raise the eyebrows more than once.
Towards the end, she sees that some of this is unnecessary and that she has a good life and doesn’t really need all this “fixing”. As I read along I wanted to keep telling her that the one thing she didn’t experiment with or cover, actual Zen, could have told her to live in the moment, not the past or future, and that her desires for the things outside herself to be different than they were was a significant cause in her dissatisfaction and anxiety. Learning to be at peace with ‘what is’ takes away a great deal of the anxiety which we feel and create. Kirkorian, does experiment with meditation, but doesn’t seem to go into any in depth study for herself of how it works and what it is capable of doing for the practitioner. She picks an online meditation class that she start off doing while watching the news and drinking wine. You sort of wondered if she didn’t understood at all how it is supposed to work. Down the road, she gets a instruction session for $200. It was a private lesson that gave her a mantra got her more involved, but it barely touched on what meditation and evenZen or other Buddhist teaching could do for her which is the very thing she seemed to be paying everyone else for but not getting in any long term way. One introductory Zen weekend could have given her a lot of tools that she was trying to get by going to all the other different new age gurus and it would have cost her only slightly more than that one meditation mantra, but then again, she wouldn’t have had the book, if she didn’t experience the new age adventure.
It was a fascinating and frank telling of how the author has spent the last 10 years learning about different new age ways of trying to improve ones life, and the difficulties that an intelligent single woman goes through trying to make a successes of herself and her life and career. She seems to have a much firmer grasp on things towards the end of the book, and her experience did give her some of what she was searching for as well as friendships and fun adventures to recount.
At one point Kirkorian speaks of a screen play she’s working on that a clairvoyant (?) brought up when she was looking for answers about her future. It seemed once this was brought up during the session that what Kirkorian really needed was a professional sounding board more than insight into the future. From her obvious skill with humor and writing, I hope this is a project that comes to fruition in the near future. I would definitely read more from this writer.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
December 9, 2023
Stefanie has a long career as a NYT Best Selling ghost writer and also has a history in television. Although very successful, she still felt like a short, plump, never really happy person living in a tiny NYC apartment.
This is her first solo book and it is a very, very funny romp through a decade in self help land. You name it, she tried it; Healers, Reiki, crystals, spas, meditation, psychics, manifesting. Gotta say she spent a whole lotta money on all of it that which could have gone into her 401K!
On the other side of it, older and wiser, she has taken golden strands from each thing and even through each ghost writing experience of non fiction books which were interesting to hear about.
Ultimately, as we all come to know, she comes to find out that truth, strength and wisdom were inside of her (and each one of us) all along. But it's a very funny ride along the way!
This is her first solo book and it is a very, very funny romp through a decade in self help land. You name it, she tried it; Healers, Reiki, crystals, spas, meditation, psychics, manifesting. Gotta say she spent a whole lotta money on all of it that which could have gone into her 401K!
On the other side of it, older and wiser, she has taken golden strands from each thing and even through each ghost writing experience of non fiction books which were interesting to hear about.
Ultimately, as we all come to know, she comes to find out that truth, strength and wisdom were inside of her (and each one of us) all along. But it's a very funny ride along the way!
July 27, 2023
I’m a pretty big fan of self-development and entertaining different ideas about things. I wouldn’t say I’m particularly new-agey, but I’m not going to ignore something just because I haven’t heard of it before, know what I mean?
So the idea of reading about someone’s 10-year trip through self-help and coming out the other side with critical thoughts seemed interesting.
Turns out what was REALLY interesting is that a lot of the new age stuff actually worked for her. In the end, her criticisms (which made total sense) had more to do with entertaining new ideas, but never at the expense of your gut instinct.
Which is good. It’s a good book.
And, at the risk of sounding sexist, I don’t know why this lady is single.
I know this sounds out of left field, but her single status comes up a few times in the book.
I don’t get it, though. She’s smart, a good writer, an accomplished journalist, a driven professional, etc. It seems like she has a genuinely good sense of humor and good head on her shoulders.
Indeed, the only problem I could see has nothing to do with her but rather dudes not being able to appreciate such a strong, independent woman.
If my wife were to say “I’ll be back in a week - I’m going to interview all the baseball players during spring training,” I’d be stoked (and proud of her). Her accomplishments, attitude, confidence, and manner would be shining things that I would point out to others because I’d be stoked for and about her.
I know this because my wife gets pretty driven and alpha when she wants.
Anyway, she sounds like an absolute catch and I don’t know why dudes haven’t been trying to woo her for ages now.
That said, it was an interesting moment when she said she had a standard that needed to be met and a subway driver didn’t make the cut (for more than one reason).
I’m not a scholar nor am I really accomplished in anything. I work, read books, try to improve myself as much as possible, etc, but I think the thing I’m best at is loving and supporting my wife - even if means she has to slum it with me.
I’m not saying she was wrong about the subway driver. I’m just saying that I support the hell out of my wife because she gave me a shot.
So the idea of reading about someone’s 10-year trip through self-help and coming out the other side with critical thoughts seemed interesting.
Turns out what was REALLY interesting is that a lot of the new age stuff actually worked for her. In the end, her criticisms (which made total sense) had more to do with entertaining new ideas, but never at the expense of your gut instinct.
Which is good. It’s a good book.
And, at the risk of sounding sexist, I don’t know why this lady is single.
I know this sounds out of left field, but her single status comes up a few times in the book.
I don’t get it, though. She’s smart, a good writer, an accomplished journalist, a driven professional, etc. It seems like she has a genuinely good sense of humor and good head on her shoulders.
Indeed, the only problem I could see has nothing to do with her but rather dudes not being able to appreciate such a strong, independent woman.
If my wife were to say “I’ll be back in a week - I’m going to interview all the baseball players during spring training,” I’d be stoked (and proud of her). Her accomplishments, attitude, confidence, and manner would be shining things that I would point out to others because I’d be stoked for and about her.
I know this because my wife gets pretty driven and alpha when she wants.
Anyway, she sounds like an absolute catch and I don’t know why dudes haven’t been trying to woo her for ages now.
That said, it was an interesting moment when she said she had a standard that needed to be met and a subway driver didn’t make the cut (for more than one reason).
I’m not a scholar nor am I really accomplished in anything. I work, read books, try to improve myself as much as possible, etc, but I think the thing I’m best at is loving and supporting my wife - even if means she has to slum it with me.
I’m not saying she was wrong about the subway driver. I’m just saying that I support the hell out of my wife because she gave me a shot.
September 14, 2020
3.5 stars I enjoyed this book and finished it; I grew to appreciate the author as the book wrapped up: I like how she came to know herself, sort things out and realize how much weight she was giving to outside sources rather than her own intuition. I had been hoping for a funnier slant on the ridiculousness of self help woo. (I enjoyed the book ‘Help Me’ a lot!)
This book had some paradoxes, in that the author talks about her decade of austerity measures post 2008, but she is getting psychic readings and other treatments like they’re going out of style ... getting blowouts, as well as spending a couple months every year in LA. It just didn’t seem like an austere lifestyle.
I enjoyed the fact that we are roughly the same age, both Canadian, growing up in Ontario, and we both went to Western. The author seemed like a very personable person and I kind of wish I knew her - I think we would have some laughs!
This book had some paradoxes, in that the author talks about her decade of austerity measures post 2008, but she is getting psychic readings and other treatments like they’re going out of style ... getting blowouts, as well as spending a couple months every year in LA. It just didn’t seem like an austere lifestyle.
I enjoyed the fact that we are roughly the same age, both Canadian, growing up in Ontario, and we both went to Western. The author seemed like a very personable person and I kind of wish I knew her - I think we would have some laughs!
April 19, 2020
This was fantastic, I loved it. The only thing that stops me from giving this audiobook five stars was that the narrator drove me batshit crazy (how she pronounced didn't couldn't, wouldn't was Did-dint, cood-dint, wood-dint and also the sing-songy cadence - it totally took me out of the book far too many times).
Anyway aside from the horrible narration, I thought this was terrific and just what I needed to read during a crazy time (Covid-19 lockdown). I could totally relate to it even though I have traveled down a vastly different path. I can't remember how I heard of this, Gretchen Rubin, maybe. I got it as part of a sale or Daily Deal at Audible and I'm glad I did.
Anyway aside from the horrible narration, I thought this was terrific and just what I needed to read during a crazy time (Covid-19 lockdown). I could totally relate to it even though I have traveled down a vastly different path. I can't remember how I heard of this, Gretchen Rubin, maybe. I got it as part of a sale or Daily Deal at Audible and I'm glad I did.
August 22, 2019
This book is for anyone who has perhaps spent a little too much time and money on experts and classes and cleanses in the effort to "fix" themselves. It's a funny, charming, and HONEST look by Krikorian, who is a ghostwriter of self-help books, at the dizzying array of wellness and self-improvement offerings out there. She spent ten years on her "zen bender" in the hopes of finding love, prosperity, a trimmer waistline--name the brass ring--and has lived to tell us her hilarious and heartfelt tale. A super fun read!
June 28, 2022
I enjoyed this memoir. A sorta self help book not written by someone in their 20s was refreshing.
Approaching 40, single and now jobless thanks to the recession the author embarks on a decade long journey of trying to fix herself. She starts ghostwriting self help books and living out the advice of each one as well as throwing herself full on into every new agey fix she comes across.
The book is basically about her coming to terms with middle age, the things she struggles with, how she tries to deal with it and what she ultimately takes away from the attempts.
Approaching 40, single and now jobless thanks to the recession the author embarks on a decade long journey of trying to fix herself. She starts ghostwriting self help books and living out the advice of each one as well as throwing herself full on into every new agey fix she comes across.
The book is basically about her coming to terms with middle age, the things she struggles with, how she tries to deal with it and what she ultimately takes away from the attempts.
April 13, 2020
I love a good self-help memoir and this was pure enjoyment, like having a best friend share all her best stories, very conversational and entertaining. I’ll be looking for more from this author - I like her voice and want to hear what happens next.
May 14, 2020
Easy to read self-help book about how not to fall for many many self-help books out there. The author tried them all, it sounded like. In parts funny, in parts cautionary, it was a good read for someone in their 30+ to know what to avoid in their future search for meaning.
August 18, 2019
The author goes guru-hunting with comedic results.
December 25, 2019
I enjoyed this book and can relate to it in so many ways. A great read.
Read
March 3, 2020Comedic light read that peters out towards the end. Was a great mini beach vacation read. David Sedaris-esque humor in the first half.
December 2, 2022
Thoughts:
- she's entitled but at least she knows it
- she wasted a ton of money trying to fix herself while saying she was frugal...don't quite see it
- I laughed a few times
- she's entitled but at least she knows it
- she wasted a ton of money trying to fix herself while saying she was frugal...don't quite see it
- I laughed a few times
June 8, 2025
Not my usual type book but pretty good
January 2, 2025
Stephanie Krikorian spends years and vast amounts of money trying out various non-traditional cures for her woes in life. Nothing really works.
February 7, 2020
Good book, but I came in expecting it to be more of a comedy and it was more serious than I expected. It did have some good life lessons in it.
Displaying 1 - 16 of 16 reviews