At thirty-three, I finally became a daddy. I was about as prepared for this as a kindergartner going for their SAT. No book could ever prepare me for the roller coaster I was about to go on. My life as I knew it was about to change forever. My social life ceased to exist, my wife went through changes that occur in exorcisms, my mustang turned in to a suburban and I found my hair growing grey faster than a tween can upload a selfie. Now, do not let this scare you. No no no! This is supposed to be the most exciting experience of your life, bro! You have done the only thing you were purposefully put on this earth to accomplish. You had only one solemn task and you finally did it. Who said you would never accomplish anything in life? This is by no means a self-help book. These are simply observations of an overwhelmed and overly sarcastic stay at home dad. Do not take it literally. I will not be held responsible for any injuries to yourself or others while you are using this book.