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The Art of Reading People: How to Deal with Toxic People and Manipulation to Avoid (or End) an Abusive Relation
Open and honest or a closed book? Ian Tuhovsky Explores The Art Of Reading People How many times have you assumed that you knew somebody and what they were about, only to be completely blindsided when they behave in a way that contradicts everything you thought you knew? Reading between the lines We often think we have a fair amount of ability in reading people until the moment when we’re proven wrong. Chances are that you’ve heard the phrase, ‘I read you like a book’ which indicates that somebody has understood another’s thought processes to the point that they’re able to predict what that person might do next. Known as social intelligence, we like to kid ourselves that we are reading people when, in effect, we are mostly just guessing. In fact, for most people, ‘reading people’ is really just thinly disguised empathy where they are projecting their own feelings and thoughts onto the situation and reading it accordingly. Reading you loud and clear Without the superpowers of a mind-reader, many of us suffer the consequences of ineffectual people reading throughout our lives. In his new book Ian Tuhovsky explores the art of reading people and, through a number of exercises and tutorial content, shows the reader how to more effectively identify and interpret the behavior of others in order to more fully understand their motivations and intentions. In "The Art of Reading People", Ian Tuhovsky ● How to identify manipulative and toxic personalities - and the four personality types we should be aware of; those who are good and good for us, those who are good but bad for us, those who are bad but good for us and, those who are bad and bad for us ● The dangers of simplistic labelling such as ‘good’ and ‘bad’ ● Differentiating between subjective and objective ‘goodness’ ● How to identify the ways you are being manipulated by others without being aware of it ● How to read your relationships with others in order to understand your role in them ● Decoding the language that others use - particularly when they want something from you ● How to identify nihilists and solipsists ● How to understand your own emotional reaction to the behavior of others Understanding people and what motivates their behaviors is the first step toward being able to predict future behaviors in order to avoid repeating mistakes. Tuhovsky explains how to master the process of reading people through their behavioral patterns in order to manage your expectations and to pre-empt certain destructive personality traits. A must-read for those who constantly find themselves being let down or manipulated by others.
182 pages, Kindle Edition
Published February 2, 2019
330 people are currently reading
444 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 21 of 21 reviews
December 11, 2019
كتاب جديد من نوعه على ما أعتقد، يتحدث الكاتب عن الأشخاص الغير أعتياديين الذين يؤثرون سلبياً على حياتك و طريقة حياتك بأكملها و هم الأشخاص ذوي العقد النفسية و كيف يؤثرون في حياتك، يتعرض الكاتب لكل نوع من هذه الأمراض ويشرح تأثيرها على من يصاحبها و يضع أمثلة حية لتقريب الصورة.
كتاب جيدجداً لكل من يريد أن يتعرف على من حوله بطريقة جميلة
كتاب جيدجداً لكل من يريد أن يتعرف على من حوله بطريقة جميلة
September 1, 2019
*Audiobook*
First time listening to this author and narrator, both did great I have no problem listening to this author or narrator. The narrator has a perfect voice for this genre.
Great book for self help on how to avoid toxic people, a eye opener for sure.
First time listening to this author and narrator, both did great I have no problem listening to this author or narrator. The narrator has a perfect voice for this genre.
Great book for self help on how to avoid toxic people, a eye opener for sure.
February 3, 2019
‘We can’t get better at something until we know our own limits.’
Author Ian Tuhovsky earned his BA in Sociology and works as an HR consultant for many varied European companies. In addition to recuperating from his personal experiences of low esteem and shyness as a child and teenager he has grown and matured to the point of sharing his experiences as an author of ten books that give evidence of his interest in studying the human mind and the society and offering keys to recovery and to finding happiness and success. He calls this series the Positive Psychology Coaching Series. He also is a musician and composer.
In his Introduction he lays the groundwork for his new book – ‘Reading people, also known as social intelligence, involves looking at someone and seeing the deeper meaning behind their actions. We often like to think we are reading people. But in reality, we are usually only guessing. How do we know we are guessing? Because when we read people “naturally” we’re really only empathizing with them. We interpret their emotions and take on their feelings are our own. And then we create our own stories around those feelings. Doing this presents a challenge. Empathy ensures that we look after each other, that we do not cause undue harm, that we show care and consideration even for people outside of our immediate social circle. Empathy is the reason humans make great parents, or that charitable giving and volunteering makes the world a better place. But empathy can also give rise to solipsism or nihilism. Solipsism means to assume that your reality is the only “real” reality. When you are a solipsist, you act as though everything you perceive, think, and feel is objective. Which means that if someone else perceives, thinks, or feels differently, we judge them as “wrong”. Being a nihilist is a little different. Nihilism denies that there is any distinct “real” or “subjective” reality. When you are a nihilist you act as though anything abstract lacks meaning. A problem arises with that perspective because to us everyone else's mind is abstract! We accidentally go back to solipsism. So, our “reality” becomes the rule and we dismiss everyone else's reality as a meaningless bit of abstract thought. When we try and read people naturally, using empathy, we aren't reading them at all. We are just judging them based on how we would feel, or what we would think if we were in their situation. This works very well when we are child-rearing or donating to charity. When someone can’t tell us what they think and feel, we must use our own thoughts and feelings to gain some perspective. This method also works well when we are interacting with people similar to ourselves. However, when a person knows us, is in front of us, and is intentionally deceiving us, empathy does not work! If deception occurs, we need to start being more analytical and start truly reading a person. When we begin reading them, we have to accept that this person may not be who they claim to be. They may be telling lies. Relating fake experiences. Showing fake feelings. Successful reading begins when we unravel their web of lies and get to the real reason behind it. To actually read someone we need to step outside our own shoes. Because the sort of person who fakes their emotions and lies about what they have experienced and what they think differs from us.’
And so we are off on exploring why reading people correctly is important, personality types (psychos, borderlines, co-dependence – mental health and toxic relationships), narcissism and the delusion of importance, sadism and myriad other aspects of reading people and their personality types an dhow that affects our perception of ourselves. Like all of Ian’s books this is a down to earth healthy approach to positive psychology.
Author Ian Tuhovsky earned his BA in Sociology and works as an HR consultant for many varied European companies. In addition to recuperating from his personal experiences of low esteem and shyness as a child and teenager he has grown and matured to the point of sharing his experiences as an author of ten books that give evidence of his interest in studying the human mind and the society and offering keys to recovery and to finding happiness and success. He calls this series the Positive Psychology Coaching Series. He also is a musician and composer.
In his Introduction he lays the groundwork for his new book – ‘Reading people, also known as social intelligence, involves looking at someone and seeing the deeper meaning behind their actions. We often like to think we are reading people. But in reality, we are usually only guessing. How do we know we are guessing? Because when we read people “naturally” we’re really only empathizing with them. We interpret their emotions and take on their feelings are our own. And then we create our own stories around those feelings. Doing this presents a challenge. Empathy ensures that we look after each other, that we do not cause undue harm, that we show care and consideration even for people outside of our immediate social circle. Empathy is the reason humans make great parents, or that charitable giving and volunteering makes the world a better place. But empathy can also give rise to solipsism or nihilism. Solipsism means to assume that your reality is the only “real” reality. When you are a solipsist, you act as though everything you perceive, think, and feel is objective. Which means that if someone else perceives, thinks, or feels differently, we judge them as “wrong”. Being a nihilist is a little different. Nihilism denies that there is any distinct “real” or “subjective” reality. When you are a nihilist you act as though anything abstract lacks meaning. A problem arises with that perspective because to us everyone else's mind is abstract! We accidentally go back to solipsism. So, our “reality” becomes the rule and we dismiss everyone else's reality as a meaningless bit of abstract thought. When we try and read people naturally, using empathy, we aren't reading them at all. We are just judging them based on how we would feel, or what we would think if we were in their situation. This works very well when we are child-rearing or donating to charity. When someone can’t tell us what they think and feel, we must use our own thoughts and feelings to gain some perspective. This method also works well when we are interacting with people similar to ourselves. However, when a person knows us, is in front of us, and is intentionally deceiving us, empathy does not work! If deception occurs, we need to start being more analytical and start truly reading a person. When we begin reading them, we have to accept that this person may not be who they claim to be. They may be telling lies. Relating fake experiences. Showing fake feelings. Successful reading begins when we unravel their web of lies and get to the real reason behind it. To actually read someone we need to step outside our own shoes. Because the sort of person who fakes their emotions and lies about what they have experienced and what they think differs from us.’
And so we are off on exploring why reading people correctly is important, personality types (psychos, borderlines, co-dependence – mental health and toxic relationships), narcissism and the delusion of importance, sadism and myriad other aspects of reading people and their personality types an dhow that affects our perception of ourselves. Like all of Ian’s books this is a down to earth healthy approach to positive psychology.
June 23, 2019
Good information about how to deal with different types of people
This is a good book to learn more about personality types and how to deal with different people. I think some types of personality traits and disorders can be hard to pin point or fully identify in some people. Particularly people who may demonstrate certain behaviors and traits that are inconsistent with most interactions; however, it’s interesting to learn more about how some mental disorders can be observed in some people who demonstrate certain patterns about how they think and behave. Nonverbal cues are a great way to learn more about someone. Observe their hand gestures, movements, and facial expressions and you will see. In some instances, a person may have more than one personality disorder, which can be confusing! Personally, I take the safest route possible when it comes to dealing with someone who demonstrates extreme emotions or impulses. Most importantly, some people are just a bit too scary if you really truly get to know them!
This is a good book to learn more about personality types and how to deal with different people. I think some types of personality traits and disorders can be hard to pin point or fully identify in some people. Particularly people who may demonstrate certain behaviors and traits that are inconsistent with most interactions; however, it’s interesting to learn more about how some mental disorders can be observed in some people who demonstrate certain patterns about how they think and behave. Nonverbal cues are a great way to learn more about someone. Observe their hand gestures, movements, and facial expressions and you will see. In some instances, a person may have more than one personality disorder, which can be confusing! Personally, I take the safest route possible when it comes to dealing with someone who demonstrates extreme emotions or impulses. Most importantly, some people are just a bit too scary if you really truly get to know them!
September 13, 2023
Ian Tuhovsky's The Art of Reading People is a must-read for anyone who wants to improve their emotional intelligence and learn how to deal with toxic people and manipulation. The book is well-written and easy to understand, making it accessible to readers of all levels.
Tuhovsky provides practical advice on how to identify toxic people and recognize the signs of manipulation. He also offers tips on how to set boundaries and end abusive relationships. What sets this book apart is its focus on emotional intelligence. Tuhovsky emphasizes the importance of understanding one's own emotions and how they can affect relationships.
Overall, The Art of Reading People is an insightful and informative read that can help readers improve their relationships and protect themselves from toxic people. I highly recommend this book to anyone who wants to develop their emotional intelligence and learn how to deal with difficult people.
Tuhovsky provides practical advice on how to identify toxic people and recognize the signs of manipulation. He also offers tips on how to set boundaries and end abusive relationships. What sets this book apart is its focus on emotional intelligence. Tuhovsky emphasizes the importance of understanding one's own emotions and how they can affect relationships.
Overall, The Art of Reading People is an insightful and informative read that can help readers improve their relationships and protect themselves from toxic people. I highly recommend this book to anyone who wants to develop their emotional intelligence and learn how to deal with difficult people.
October 15, 2024
The connection between people and how it amasses a really big audience can really attract some manipulation and toxicity from the other people it entails as interaction ensues. What makes me really interested in how the book devolves is in how we can read people, perceive the situation and slowly improve our status on the world. Love the read and really beautiful words upon words and ideas on how to survive in the cutthroat worlds.
March 22, 2019
Obvious and simplistic - should be aimed at teenagers and below
Too vague and immaturely written for me, only as I am used to a much higher level of complexity in books I like to read normally but that's not to say that someone else wouldn't enjoy it though! Only my personal preference.
Too vague and immaturely written for me, only as I am used to a much higher level of complexity in books I like to read normally but that's not to say that someone else wouldn't enjoy it though! Only my personal preference.
April 4, 2019
Great read
I really enjoyed this book. I found it very insightful and easy to read. While it contained medical terms and terminology it was comprehesive , and written in simple layman's language. Thank you
I found this book very helpful and I will keep it in my library for future use.
I really enjoyed this book. I found it very insightful and easy to read. While it contained medical terms and terminology it was comprehesive , and written in simple layman's language. Thank you
I found this book very helpful and I will keep it in my library for future use.
June 27, 2019
As the title suggests, the book centres around handling "bad" people. The whole approach is negative perhaps because it talks about "negative" people. On reading the book , the reader would end up scouting for negative qualities in whoever he comes across though that apparently is not the intention of the book.
December 27, 2022
A must read
As you read this book you will feel that a personal teacher is providing you insights and wisdom into having a better relationship with yourself to properly foster heathy relationships with the outside world and not be used, manipulated or harmed by the bad guys. I highly recommend reading this book.
As you read this book you will feel that a personal teacher is providing you insights and wisdom into having a better relationship with yourself to properly foster heathy relationships with the outside world and not be used, manipulated or harmed by the bad guys. I highly recommend reading this book.
March 5, 2023
Finished it in 3 sessions, the good thing is that the book is pretty easy to read, mostly written in simple terms. Almost stopped after the first 100 pages as I can’t relate to the book and do not know how it can help me. Decided to finish what i have started and finished the rest in 3 hours. The later part of the book is alright.
March 31, 2019
The information is good enough, as far as the author status to technique. Unfortunately, he spends way to much time on personal anecdotes. After chapter 4 or so,starts saying the same things over and over.
May 10, 2020
Spectacular Book
Explains various disorders and classifies behaviors and terms beautifully. Learnt a lot. And, helpful at a personal level too. Will reread it perhaps to crystallize the messages and concepts 🙏
Explains various disorders and classifies behaviors and terms beautifully. Learnt a lot. And, helpful at a personal level too. Will reread it perhaps to crystallize the messages and concepts 🙏
October 4, 2023
This book is a great starting point if you want to learn about the basics of human behaviour, I disliked how many times they said the words “bad guy” though, made it feel as though it was a childrens book for some reason
January 1, 2024
This is a good book on analyzing people, basic. From patheologic lyers to narcists. The author gives example of his ex she used him and was programmed subconsciously that he is gonna provide everything for her, similiar situation. Toxicity is the worst thing to have
July 23, 2019
Insightful and informative!
I highly recommend this book. Great reading. Gives a better understanding into the personality of others. Makes you aware of the small things.
I highly recommend this book. Great reading. Gives a better understanding into the personality of others. Makes you aware of the small things.
March 20, 2020
Deep yet easy to read and understand.
June 17, 2020
A good book for the police academy.
July 24, 2021
The Art of Reading People
Very eye opening, insightful, interesting and informative. Will try to read the rest of his books. Good read for every HR. Director
Very eye opening, insightful, interesting and informative. Will try to read the rest of his books. Good read for every HR. Director
June 9, 2024
3.5 ⭐️
Read
January 22, 2026Mostly about the types of negative and bad people and techniques to find them and steps to avoid them. Featured the importance of self love and self care.
Displaying 1 - 21 of 21 reviews