Read because: friendly bookseller recommendation.
One word review: ........eh.
Multiple word review: This one was recommended to me as an own voices release, which I'm very much a fan of, but it somehow missed the mark with me. I won't get into whether a white person should write first person narratives about being a person of colour, queer or trans or not, because I'm also white and I'm not aware of the specifics of conversation happening around that topic.
Leaving aside the fact that I'm also queer and trans but leaning the opposite way (so all the talk about how Razia became more feminine and what she sacrificed to do it while I would love nothing more than to have femininity obliterated in me made me painfully, unbelievably uneasy), I just didn't.......like this. Razia is incredibly good at absolutely everything she does, and I know it's the result of training and practice, but it's just not enjoyable. She's just perfect and never makes any mistakes, so it's literally everyone around her that undermines her and thinks less of her.
Actually, I think she does have a flaw, and it's that she can't keep her mouth shut about who she is. How are you a runaway royal for four years and in that entire time you can't come up with one good fake identity to use when rich people ask you whose kid you are? How do you keep blabbing about how you used to ride a zahhak and think that no one is going to be too sus about it? How do you not have a series of lies prepared for that, so that everyone doesn't know who you really are within like, two weeks of meeting a prince? But I mean, it works out in the end because as another reviewer said, she's never in any real danger and in the end her father (soooooort of) accepts her.
Another thing that broke this read for me was the deliberate and constant misgendering, even by people who turn out to be sympathetic. I don't do things in my life that make me feel unsafe, but reading this book made me feel some real fucking peril. At every turn and by every character except her fellow hijra, Razia's current female state of being is compared to her previous state of being. She gets deadnamed left, right, and centre, and threatened with that deadname, and that's not even taking into account that she has to be courteous to someone who previously raped her and who continuously misgenders her and belittles her, and who continues to make her feel unsafe.
I understand why having a protagonist who is trans (or what I perceive to be trans-- my understanding of whether hijra is a third gender or whether the process is actually seen as a medical/chemical transition is lacking, and I'm not going to do a deep dive on this) is a power fantasy. I understand why a trans protagonist becoming powerful and respected after years of struggle is a power fantasy. But I just don't see the constant threat of violence as a rightful part of that power fantasy. I don't enjoy that in my power fantasies. My power fantasies include profuse apologies from anyone who misgenders me accidentally, and my boot crushing the throat of anyone who misgenders me deliberately, so that they never speak again. But at the end, Razia is back under her father's thumb (even she thinks of it that way) and she still has to deal with people who were deliberately cruel to her.
I also didn't like the character of Arjun, but I'm struggling to really put into words why that is. Maybe because I don't get what's so great about him. I get that first Razia got with him for safety and security and money. I get that she fell in love with him. I just don't get why. Just because he's rich and he's kind? He just never seems like a real person in any meaningful way. All he does is compliment and support Razia (which is good), and tell people who misgender her that she's good in the sack so they should butt out (which is...why?). I get that sexuality and sexual confidence can be confronting, and thus weaponised, but that should be Razia's weapon entirely, not the insult/provocation of the man who kind of owns her. The vibe from Arjun is not "She's a great woman", it's "You wouldn't know she's not an actual woman".
Also, to return to my earlier point, he's just not a real person. We never get to hear about any hobbies (other than zahhak riding, which is the only thing he's got in common with Razia), any interests, any opinions. For a book this painfully wordy and long-winded, there's nothing about his own dreams for the future or about himself. He's a cardboard cutout of the perfect man, and he's got the depth of a cardboard cutout, too.
Much like this entire book, if I'm honest.
1.5 stars rounded down.