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The Codependency Recovery Plan: A 5-Step Guide to Understand, Accept, and Break Free from the Codependent Cycle

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Break away and recover from patterns of codependency

It could start as lending an occasional hand, but over time, escalates into putting someone else above everything else—even our own well-being. Balance is needed for healthy relationships with others and ourselves. The Codependency Recovery Plan presents an enlightening look at codependency, where it comes from, and a detailed pathway out.

The Codependency Recovery Plan fully explains codependency, its symptoms, and the factors that contribute to its development. It offers guidance on ways to recognize codependent behavior, become a better communicator, set boundaries, mend romantic relationships, and raise your self-esteem. Chapter exercises provide a workspace for self-reflection so that you can see your situation with fresh eyes, and gain a new perspective on your own life.

Independence starts with a step-by-step

Step 1: Get in Touch with Your “Self”—Learn to look inward and become self-reliant.Step 2: Prioritize Self-Care—Honor and value your own self-worth and be kind to yourself.Step 3: Build Boundaries—Set limits for giving your life and love to others.Step 4: Maintain Open Communication—Speak comfortably and confidently with your support network.Step 5: Nurture Intimacy—Create healthy and constructive connections.

Start building a better relationship with yourself and the people around you using The Codependency Recovery Plan.

164 pages, Kindle Edition

First published February 19, 2019

606 people are currently reading
628 people want to read

About the author

Krystal Mazzola

4 books4 followers
MEd LMFT

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Displaying 1 - 21 of 21 reviews
Profile Image for marriah.
63 reviews7 followers
August 1, 2024
wow. thank goodness for this book. i already plan to revisit it and the companion handbook a couple times a year. i want to become an expert at boundary setting and this book teaches you exactly how to do that as well as how to challenge and talk back to negative thoughts.

codependency is most commonly seen in acoa and while this is the case for me, anyone can suffer from codependency. i honestly think everyone does! we joke so much about childhood trauma on social media but this book showed me just how much it really shapes us. i think i viewed trauma as something you could just escape or outgrow, but it’s really like an obstacle course you have to get through. it sucks because we often don’t realize this until adulthood. i feel like i kind of fell apart out of nowhere and it’s because i was keeping all this heaviness inside me. i still don’t really know all the emotions that make this heaviness up but after recognizing it, as time moves forward, it gets lighter and lighter.

in the previous codependency book i started reading, it was talked about as something you could never overcome. codependent people were horrible and evil (were the vibes i got). my therapist actually said she hated the word because of the misconception behind it, but that she was glad i found a book that didn’t villianize it. the best thing i learned from this book was that we should not resent ourselves for the people we had to be in our past—especially when we were children! i realized i’ve been unconsciously like just feeling so much shame for things that i literally did as a little girl. things i did to keep myself safe!our past nor our trauma defines us. we are not our behavior.

ALSO — not everything is codependency! wanting intimacy/affection/connection is something that we naturally want as humans! having people to support you and rely on is also ok, just be mindful of what you can and can’t do yourself. if you have a relationship where this isn’t shared, it might not be the relationship for you. remember everyone can say no, even if it’s disappointing. also — having codependent behaviors doesn’t mean all of your behaviors are codependent. take what resonates! don’t try and make all these traits ‘fit’ you.

healing takes a long time and that’s honestly the part about this i’ve hated the most. as a codependent person, it especially sucks because you want there to be someone who can just fix it super quick LOL. but it doesn’t work that way. however, recognizing that there is healing that needs to be done is a huge step in itself.

i think if you’re someone who is unsure of their boundaries/ limits and you’re interested in exploring what that means, this would be a great book to read. even if you don’t relate to all the content, you gain a really good sense of how to develop boundaries and how to work on challenging negative thoughts.

my only “critique” is that the handbook and workbook are not organized the same at all. you can’t work with them side by side. the chapter in the book never coincides with the chapter in the workbook. but the content is still great either way! i just jumped back and forth between working with each one.

as i’m on my healing journey, i’ve been reading lots of books lately. so i’m gonna start keeping a little list lol:

1: adult children of alcoholics
2: codependency handbook
4 reviews
May 22, 2020
The book I was looking for

The only one I've found that doesn't approach codependency from a 12 step, involved with an addict point of view, that is covered but so much more. I finally feel like I have the tools to move in the right direction
Profile Image for Tom Fox.
15 reviews4 followers
December 14, 2022

This is the best book to summarise codependency I’ve encountered. Here are my takeaways:

Overall, I loved it. Why? Utility. A positive, empowering introduction to the topic. Encouraging self examination and self awareness? Great.

By leaning away from the (standard) codependent emphasis on 12 step programs, it widens it’s audience.

Absolutely worth reading, particularly for those who encounter weaknesses in their own boundaries and self worth.

If you’re a fan of journaling, that’s a big plus.

Profile Image for Philip Abernethy.
10 reviews
July 17, 2020
Helped me really understand codependency and particularly for me my unhealthy way of making my romantic relationship my whole life and therefore placing my wellbeing in the hands of another person. Losing my partner is my biggest fear and the shock and pain of facing that fear recently allowed me to finally confront my codependency. The book explained so much of what has made me unhappy and unfulfilled and provides a roadmap to recovery that I have started to implement. Perhaps the previously codependent relationship between my partner and I can shift into a healthy interdependent one, but if not I now know the importance of a relationship with myself, one I have neglected all my life.
81 reviews
September 1, 2021
This is the absolute best codependency book I have ever read. I have tried to read many, but when it gets into faith and religion I am lost. When it focuses on just substance abuse, I am lost. I took my time and only read about 30 minutes a day, and did the journaling exercises and it honestly changed my life, forever. I will continue to struggle with codependency daily but, I am on my way. Years of therapy replaced by this book and look forward to the workbook. Seriously cannot give this book enough praise.
Profile Image for April Braswell.
Author 2 books6 followers
February 22, 2019
Substantial multi-faceted assistance to ACOA and other Codependents to live happy, joyous, and free

When I first had the option to select to receive an advance copy of the Codependency book from the publisher for an honest review, I passed it by, thinking it was going to another pop culture light summary of the topic. How wrong I was. When I first opened the book to read the introduction, I actually got choked up and teared up, and became worried that this was such a personally touching topic that I would be able to read the book, just like I never go see theatre productions of “A Long Day’s Journey into Night,” because it struck too close to home. As I read her sentences describing growing up in a physically and verbally abusive alcoholic home, it was like she was wring my biography, only I was more one of the “lost” children where the author was a “scapegoat” in the ACOA adaptive roles.

That said, this in only a cursory reading’s review of the book, because I am actually going to have to go through it very slowly because of the emotions it elicits and likely journal.

I have to say after having done years upon years of Al-Anon, which was a wonderful start and foundation, that, I too found just circling around and around talking about it was not enough. I eventually segued to deeper Personal Growth and Development work.

When I went to submit my review, because there was no Kindle version of the book, the Look Inside feature was not yet activated. Here, without robbing Mazzola of her Intellectual Property, is the TOC which you’d be able to see if you were in a physical bookstore and thumbing through this wonderful book to consider purchasing it, which I highly recommend you do:
Introduction
Part One: Codependency: An Education 1
Chapter 1: “I Need You to Need Me” 2
Chapter 2: Family Matters 24

Part Two: The Steps 45
Step 1: Get in Touch with Your “Self” 45
Step 2: Prioritize Self-Care 64
Step 3: Build Boundaries 80
Step 4: Maintain Open Communication 96
Step 5: Nurture Intimacy 114
Conclusion: Following the Path 134

Resources
References
Index

I raced right on over to Build Boundaries in Part Two because, really, in my such a childhood home, we didn’t know how to build boundaries, because even having the right to do so wasn’t there. So, I am always riveted to learn more about doing this better, because, now, years later after much, much growth and personal work, there are always additions layers which surface, not to be paralyzed by them, but where I can always learn more to gently peel away another layer of the onion, and I do choose that metaphor specifically, because when we peel an onion, there may be tears, which is part of the healing process.

In Build Boundaries, Krystal addresses them with What Do You Want, which no one asked us when we were young, so really to answer that question can be a foundational breakthrough for many, or, as in my case, a useful exercise in peeling another layer of that onion.
What Bothers You?
Am I allowed and given permission now to be bothered? Anger was my late father’s monopoly. The rest of us weren’t permitted that emotion. Only he. So, examining this question always reveals MORE for me. Perhaps it will for you or your clients and patients as well.

I like her practical exercise in creating your own boundaries, custom to you and your needs, as well as addressing It’s Ok To Set Boundaries. And while we are imagining and journaling about our new or revised boundaries, Mazzola also suggests some different kinds of boundaries to give us ideas as well as to make sure we consider all facets which our own wounding might make invisible to use when we brainstorm.

Mazzola starts each chapter with a relevant case study which helps to illustrate the issue she addresses and each gives hope for being able to overcome the implications of the past and to do useful and helpful exercises and actions to live a better life going forward. I found the whole to be useful both for going through slowly, in a savoring manner, plus to revisit each of the topics and redo the exercises again in future months and years and discover more to use and benefit from.

What a terrific resource for every LMFT and therapist working with Adult Children of Alcoholics and other Substance Dependencies and their families. This would make a wonderful addition to every therapy office’s reading room as well as those at Recovery Institutes, Rehab Venues (guess what, ACOAs can develop substance issues in teen years, young adult, as well as many years later, too. So reading this helpful book there could prove beneficial and shed light on the core of their problems as well.) and therapy centers and hospitals. This is the kind of present every adult ACOA could give to their siblings where each could do his/her own work, and then reconvene to share notes and learning.

Highly recommend. I received an advance copy for an honest review from Callisto Publishing.
Profile Image for Krista.
200 reviews26 followers
August 14, 2019
This book was such an eye-opening, transformative experience for me. I am grateful beyond words for the changes it has inspired me to make in my life so far, and am excited to continue implementing all the many exercises this book offers. I believe this book will benefit any reader who honestly, and vulnerably, engages with what this book has to say: set time aside to think about the prompts, journal when you feel so compelled to, and reach out to those you trust as you learn more about yourself, your upbringing, and your present. I knew I was on a journey to becoming more assertive, self-loving, and self-caring, but this book helped me to traverse that journey further than I could have hoped. Thank you so much, Krystal Mazzola!
Profile Image for Parmita .
130 reviews21 followers
Read
March 23, 2022
An important book to understand codependency and becoming interdependent. I made as many notes as pages in the book, probably. Even if you're fortunate to always being in a healthy relationship (I haven't met a person who always has), you'll still benefit from this book as it advocates self-awareness. The added quotes, facts, and anecdotes made it even more of an endearing and informative book. The author wrote the book with empathy and delicacy required when addressing people who've suffered greatly in their lives. I felt like I was talking to an actual therapist while reading it (well, the author is one in real life and her capabilities are reflected in this one). I truly had an enlightening experience reading this.
Profile Image for Heather Kekow.
14 reviews
February 18, 2021
This is a companion to the Codependency Workbook which I use for group work. People use this book & go through it on their own. The exercises teach you how the relationship with your caregiver affects the relationship with self & others. Everyone really enjoys this book especially the chapter when you write a letter to your younger self. For people struggling with codependency this is go to.
Profile Image for Christy.
519 reviews1 follower
July 4, 2020
A palatable introduction to the topic. It takes time and thoughtfulness to complete the activities and reap the benefits of reflection. I found this book to be worthwhile and a nice change-up to the 12-step approach.
Profile Image for Toni.
1,439 reviews3 followers
June 24, 2020
Great read...so many helpful activities and suggestions! I would highly recommend this for anyone interested in codependency recovery, without the 12 step requirements.
Profile Image for Karen Adams.
65 reviews6 followers
July 20, 2020
I learned more about myself than I did while reading other popular codependency books on the market. I would absolutely recommend!
3 reviews
April 26, 2021
This book is extremely helpful. The different journal activities and exercise are very effective. Real life change can be seen as soon as you begin implementing what is learned in this book. Love it!
1 review
August 6, 2021
Read cover to cover

It changed my entire perspective of how I view myself and my relationships. The breakdown into steps is specially helpful.
Profile Image for Ren.
2 reviews
June 20, 2022
A great dip in the pool of unraveling your codependency I will be reading this multiple times through my recovery.
Profile Image for Amanda.
46 reviews
December 21, 2023
Super helpful. Not too pathologizing. Actionable advice. I liked the exercises.
Profile Image for Michael Philliber.
Author 5 books68 followers
February 17, 2019
It's a very readable book. The author shows writing skill, keeps readers' attention, and easily guides them along the path. "The Co-dependency Recovery Plan: A 5-Step Guide to Understand, Accept, and Break Free from the Codependent Cycle" is a 170 page softback made to instruct and give practice. Krystal Mazzola is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist living in Phoenix, Arizona, co-owner and practicing therapist at Dantia Wellness, who has some skin in this rugby scrum called co-dependency. The manuscript is clearly written, and obviously intended for use as homework during therapy or in self-care.

Mazzola leads readers and recoverers through a very simple set of explanations and exercises. She begins the volume with data, definitions and descriptions. Also, using the family systems model, she maps out the terrain of dysfunctional families and codependent family relationships. Then she takes up the task of give the 5 steps for recovering from codependency: (1) get in touch with your "self"; (2) prioritize self-care; (3) build boundaries; (4) maintain open communications; and (5) nurture intimacy. In each step the author goes forward a few yards, and then coaches the recoverer through an exercise to help them take the information from the intellectual to the affectual. Checklists, journaling, and mental role-playing are just a few of the tools Mazzola uses.

On the one hand "The Codependency Recovery Plan" is clearly a useful manual, written from the heart of one who has walked that path. On the other hand, I found myself unsatisfied by some of the approach and language. For example, it's pretty obvious that the author (whether she knows it or not) is traveling down the trail of Jungian Gnosticism. To paraphrase especially pages 46-50, "My real self is what's on the inside. I have to find the real me. My authentic self lies buried under my persona and needs to surface." I realize my contention may look skewed to some, but if my body, public personality, observable emotions, etc. are not also part of my authentic self, then "I" am trapped in a prison-house of creatureliness. And this approach then becomes more part of the disease than the remedy because, at the end of the day, it discounts my body-and-soul-ness.

Further, in several places the author mentions "your own truth" and "your own reality"; "Building awareness of your own truth is an ongoing practice...the right to your own reality" (81, 85). I'm not sure what the author intended by those phrases. They may be nothing more than therapy-guild-language for asserting boundaries, questioning the oppressive characterizations of right and wrong made by abusive people, etc. But I found it highly problematic and relativistic. If she meant nothing more than asserting boundaries, etc. it is still troublesome language. And if she meant what these words sound like, then they are treacherous. Once, some time back, one of my grandsons and I sat down to play chess. When he began to lose, he started moving his chess pieces in ways that didn't fit the "truth" and "reality" of the game (the rules). When I challenged him, he would say, "In my world, this knight can move this way. In my world, the pawns can move that way." We had a serious talk about the benefits and values of rules, and how - though painful at times - rules promote fairness for all. Imagine if he were to continue along this path into adolescence and adulthood, "In my world...in my truth...in my reality..." There is a freight-train of harsh, cold realizations waiting for him.

"The Codependency Recovery Plan" is usable as homework in settings where people are being coached and counseled. Some folks who are not in therapy may find it beneficial as a guide to self-recovery. The author makes good observations and proposals throughout, especially in the areas of setting boundaries and keeping communication open. I recommend the book, with some scruples.

My thanks to Althea Press for the free copy of the book used for this review, and sent to me at my request. And my thanks to them for not mandating what kind of review I was to write, other than that it be my own honest evaluation. This assessment is freely made and freely given.
Profile Image for Cyndy.
251 reviews4 followers
October 22, 2023
One of the books that kept me sane this year.
Profile Image for Phillip E Davis.
4 reviews
February 23, 2025
Good book

I have a lot of things to work on and will continue to work on those things to become my authentic self.
5 reviews
May 10, 2025
mostly about how to survive and grow out of codependency in an intimate relationship. great starting point, some stuff are relatable still
Displaying 1 - 21 of 21 reviews

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