Listen. Validate. Explore Options. These are the three essential components of Yield Theory™. In this clear and practical guide, you’ll learn Dr. Christian Conte’s revolutionary method for de-escalating conflict, promoting clear communication―and changing the way you relate to others in every part of your life.
With Forewords Ron Potter-Efron, MSW, PhD, author of Angry All the Time and co-author of Letting Go of Anger and John Wetzel, secretary, Pennsylvania Department of Corrections
“Highly recommended! Dr. Conte engagingly offers an evolved and insightful perspective on how to effectively deal with one of the most significant issues of our time. If you are interested in an authentic solution to anger and conflict in today’s world―read this book.” ― Rich Pfeiffer, MDiv, PhD, author of Anger Management Workbook and Curriculum , president of the National Anger Management Association (NAMA)
“In this truly excellent self-help book, Dr. Christian Conte teaches us that rather than ignoring conflict and anger, the solution is to “walk through” and experience them. In ten clear and engrossing chapters, he offers both a powerful philosophy by which to live life and an evidence-based set of procedures to help you do so. His Yield Theory™ approach to authentically listening to others with compassion, validating their thoughts and feelings, and exploring options for problem resolution is the cornerstone of conflict reduction and self-improvement. Read this book and you will surely move forward towards personal happiness.” ― Howard Kassinove, PhD, ABPP, author of Anger The Complete Treatment Guide for Practitioners and coauthor of Anger Management for
I like how this book goes through both sides of anger: being angry vs receiving anger from someone else. Although most of the book is about communicating with someone who is angry, as the first line says, there are two types of people: those who get angry and those we are dead; point is...we all get angry.
First, communicating with anger, there's the three pillars: Listening, Validating, and Exploring. Anyone who has gone to therapy knows there are ways to listen to someone who needs a bit more attention and patience. Trying not to fix things and instead make sure the other person knows they are being heard. Validating I find the most interesting insight, for how he describes the validation is not about the theory of what the other person is trying to say, or their intent, but the literal validation. When someone is really angry, missing a SINGLE word can be huge. I also appreciate the way he is very specific about words to use and to avoid. "I think you said ". Finally, exploring possible next steps and solutions is much easier when the foundation of listening and validating is done well. Kind of funny, but he also thinks exploring even the most far out there solutions help get to a reasonable outcome.
The other aspect of the book is how to recognize and deal with your own anger. Throughout my life I have strived to bring my whole self to relationships, friendships and even work. I am an "open book" and wear my emotions pretty clearly, but this book taught me that no one is saying you can't be frustrated or even angry, but how you communicate it is important. Being angry towards someone can cause them to get angry too and even cause them to think you're angry at them, when you're not. Instead, it's ok to be angry, to be frustrated, but taking even 5 extra seconds to take a few breaths, and communicate it from a place of vulnerability and honesty can change how you feel, and other feels about you.
Dr Conte wrote a very readable and detailed look at anger with real solutions that help harness that destructive anger that ruins many lives.
His book not only describes the problem with anger and rage but offers stories and metaphors that unlocked my strong will and defenses long enough for me to want to address my handicap.
I’ve shared this work with clients and friends. We’ve discussed and processed anger from various perspectives and I always direct them back to the principles of Dr Conte work. Professionals and everyday people can read or listen to Dr Conte himself present the book. You will discover its magic easily. Thanks and Godspeed to all who work and live with anger.
This was pretty helpful. Again another book that has a lot of information. I hope to be able to purchase this book in the future. I will definitely be rereading this book because there is just so much in here. Being Aware Don’t Minimize Others Shame, Guilt and more. There’s even ways we should be saying something instead of the way we are. We are only responsible for ourselves give our best and let it go.
I’m sure this book may not be able to help everyone however there are examples to help explain and then maybe later it might be more helpful.
I really enjoyed this book and I feel like I took some important lessons from it but it focused more on handling other people’s anger and dealing with deescalating conflict rather than walking through my own personal anger. Still a worthy read, especially if you want to get a better understanding of people who do suffer from intense anger.
Excellent book. It helped me with some things I was struggling with. It has lots of practical advice for dealing with people, whether they are family or coworkers. I like this book a lot and highly recommend it!
Dr Conte is a natural born story teller. I am and will be forever a fan of his work. I have been researching everything CONTE after reading this book. His advice are life changing, life enhancing.