5++++ ⭐️'s
“How long has it been?”
"My name is Thea Hughes.
There’s been an accident.
The doctors are working on my case.”
Emma Scott is one of my favorite authors!! So of course when I saw she had a new book, I definitely had to jump in with both feet as I knew it would be an exceptional story that would bring all the feels. I was not disappointed......this book has it all and it's an addictive page turner that I absolutely loved.
Characters
Jimmy (24): bounced around foster homes in his youth and ended up with Doris from 10-18. She was only interested in the check she got from the state and didn't show Jim any kindness. He has a stutter that caused him a great deal of grief with Doris and was often bullied by the kids at school because of it. Doris' verbal abuse has stayed with him and he struggles to ignore her derisive voice that always plagues his internal thoughts.
"I tried to ignore the insidious thoughts, but they were ingrained in me. Part of the fiber of my being, woven by years of abuse and neglect in a fucked-up system"
When he was in 7th grade, a teacher felt sorry for him and taught him some breathing techniques to help with his stutter.
“Inhale the thought, exhale the words.”
Thea (23): the “unconventional”, fun sister. She loves to paint, is fascinated by Egyptian history and loves to push her sister's buttons. She has some snarkiness to her and she is a free spirit - she goes with the flow. Her dad always says she could light up the darkest of rooms.
The Story
This book has such a unique plot and I was immediately captivated. It is divided into three parts and each section was incredible.
Part 1: Thea's amnesia diagnosis:
”She has semantic memory, which means she remembers factual information such as words, concepts, numbers. She still knows how to wash her face, use a fork, put on her clothes. But she has no episodic memory. No personal experiences, events, or details about people or places. Meaning, she knows what a dog is but can’t tell you if she’s ever pet one in her life.”
Seeing as she is only "conscious" moments at a time, there is bound to be some repetition. Each time Thea's memory "resets" she says the same phrase, asks the same questions and has the same conversations with people. However, this didn't bother me as I would imagine it is a true representation of what would happen in real life.
There is an instant connection between Thea and Jimmy. Even though Thea technically can't remember meeting him, deep down she knows he's special as she often tells him the story of Cleopatra & Marc Anthony. It's clear Thea views Jimmy as her "Marc" and knows he will protect, defend, and honor her.
"You’d fight for me, wouldn’t you, Jimmy?” she asked. “Like Marc Antony?”
“Yeah.” I swallowed. “Yeah, Thea. I would.”
"For all those weeks, we talked and listened to music and every conversation we built was torn down again by the amnesia. Over and over again.”
What I loved about Part 1 was the feeling of hope....of something "more". Jimmy (who was broken in his own way) just knew that Thea was communicating memories and feelings via her word chain drawings and getting her voice heard was something he was determined to make happen. He never gave up in his pursuit to bring her some aspect of happiness in what felt like a desperately hopeless situation. He persevered and fought for her behind the scenes. There wasn't anything about Jimmy that I didn't love. There was excitement building in part 1 because you just knew something big was right around the corner.
"These weren’t just word chains. These were strings of pain. And at the end of every one, the theme.”
Part 2
This section brings big changes and I absolutely detested Thea's sister Delia. Man, I thought she was a major bitch in part 1, but in part 2 her true colors were even more obvious and she was beyond hateful/spiteful. What is her issue? Dang this woman ticked me off. Could she have a bigger stick up her a$$? Talk about bland, boring and uptight. Geez.
Thea and her sister are at opposite ends of the spectrum. Thea is full of life and the little tricks she plays on people made me smile. She is vibrant and snarky and has a great sense of humor. I absolutely adored Thea. She begs for independence and fortunately a few people offer her support when she needs it most. The romance starts to pick up in this section of the book and Thea and Jimmy together are awesome. These two are such a fantastic team and I looked forward to each of their interactions. Hearing Thea's thoughts about her amnesia prison was heartbreaking.
"Those years were a long, endless reel of sameness. Wake up, eat, watch The Office, take a walk, draw pyramids, scream for help, eat, go to sleep, wash, rinse, repeat. In five-minute increments. Until Jimmy heard my cries and added music and color to my monotone, monochrome existence.”
Part 3
This section of the book focuses on the budding relationship between Thea and Jimmy and I loved watching them develop as a couple. Thea's excitement of exploring New York was contagious and was only eclipsed by the excitement of finally having Thea and Jimmy together and watching them explore their new feelings. They had a few bumps along the way as they each had some broken pieces that needed some tender love and care, but there were so many special moments that they shared together. I loved the way they supported each other. When negative thoughts would creep in, they would offer each other encouragement, they believed in each other and always tried to bring out the best in each other. I thought they made a beautiful couple and the choice Thea had to make and the scene on top of the Empire State building.....gut wrenching. When their deepest fears were realized and Thea says,
Remember for me. Remember us… when I can’t.”
...omg 😢😢😢
"Keep me safe."
"Keep me wild.”
"I’m going to take care of you, and I’m going to go out and build a life so you have a place to come back to when they find a new drug. When. You’re coming back, and I will be here the whole time, waiting and building. I’ll never give up on you. I’ll never leave you alone in the desert or sealed up in a tomb.”
Overall
As with every Emma Scott book, the author has done the research to make this book sound and feel authentic. Superb writing that sucks you in from page 1 and a story that brings all the feels. Thea and Jimmy are broken, flawed individuals and who can't relate to that? I devoured this book because the way ES writes is brilliant, captivating, all consuming and this story was so much more than just words on a page. I felt the heartbreak and disappointment, I rooted for a young couple trying to defeat unimaginable odds, I raged at the way people abuse those without a voice, I hurt when Thea and Jimmy were let down by others and I jumped up and down when they broke free to find themselves. This book packs a punch and my emotions certainly went on a journey. Thea and Jimmy have a beautiful story and when I finished the story and closed the book, I felt overjoyed that they found their HEA, but I felt sad I had to say goodbye to such a stunning and amazing story. This book is absolute perfection!!
"I think everyone deserves happiness. It’s out there, waiting to come to us, but we have to be open to receiving it. We have to know we deserve it, in order to give it a chance.”
Quotes
“Can you imagine? Loving someone so much that the thought of life without them is too unbearable?”
“I Will Follow You into the Dark.’”
I drained my beer and pushed my chair back to go when the song’s lyrics grabbed my attention. A man telling his love he’d follow her into the dark, but it was nothing to be sad about. They’d go together, hand in hand.”
“The stronger the love, the more helpless the person feels in the wake of its loss.”
“Anyway, big deal, you have a stutter. I have brain damage.”
“Show off.”
“I don’t feel sorry for you, Jimmy,” she said. “I feel sorry for all the people who had a chance to really know you but didn’t. They blew it. They fucked up. I’m proud of myself that I’m not like them.”
“What are we if we aren’t our memories? Who are we without them? Where are we in this life? They anchor us to all the who, what, and where. Without memory, we might as well be dead.”
Remember for me.” Tears spilled down her cheeks and over my fingers, and then she pulled me to her, her voice tremulous. “Remember us… when I can’t.”