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Raising Worry-Free Girls: Helping Your Daughter Feel Braver, Stronger, and Smarter in an Anxious World
If you have a daughter, it would be surprising if she doesn't struggle with anxiety and worry--either in short episodes or for longer periods. For a variety of reasons, childhood anxiety rates are soaring, especially among girls. Today's parents need to know what contributes to anxiety and worry and how they can empower their daughters to overcome troubling emotions.
In this immensely practical book, veteran counselor Sissy Goff shares how you can instill bravery and strength in your daughter. Addressing common age-specific issues, Goff gives you the tools to help you and your child understand why her brain is often working against her when she starts to worry, and what she can do to fight back. With your help, she will find the anchoring truth of God's strong, safe love for her and the confidence she needs to thrive.
In this immensely practical book, veteran counselor Sissy Goff shares how you can instill bravery and strength in your daughter. Addressing common age-specific issues, Goff gives you the tools to help you and your child understand why her brain is often working against her when she starts to worry, and what she can do to fight back. With your help, she will find the anchoring truth of God's strong, safe love for her and the confidence she needs to thrive.
224 pages, Paperback
First published September 1, 2019
1632 people are currently reading
10599 people want to read
About the author
Sissy Goff
24 books218 followersSISSY GOFF, M.Ed., LPC-MHSP spends most of her days talking with girls and their families, with the help of her counseling assistant/pet therapist, Lucy the Havanese. She has worked as the Director of Child and Adolescent Counseling at Daystar Counseling Ministries in Nashville, Tennessee since 1993, with a Master’s degree from Vanderbilt University. Sissy speaks to parents across the country and is the author of eleven books including Raising Girls. and her newest books, Raising Worry-Free Girls and Braver, Stronger Smarter (for elementary school girls) which will be released in September of 2019.
Sissy is a regular contributor to various podcasts and publications, including their own soon-to-be released podcast called Raising Boys and Girls. You can find more information and resources at www.raisingboysandgirls.com.
Sissy is a regular contributor to various podcasts and publications, including their own soon-to-be released podcast called Raising Boys and Girls. You can find more information and resources at www.raisingboysandgirls.com.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 526 reviews
December 5, 2019
About a month ago, I saw one of my favorite authors promoting RAISING WORRY-FREE GIRLS by Sissy Goff. I immediately contacted the publisher and requested a copy, and I am so, so grateful to review it today. I’ve dealt with anxiety since I was a little girl. I’m not sure why my brain is wired that way — but it is deeper than worry and fear. My irrational thoughts are sometimes all I can see, and I hate that I react that way. Since becoming a mom, I’ve been hyper-aware of my reactions and want to process my world better — for my daughters and for myself.
Enter Sissy’s book! Goff has counseled young children for over 25 years, and her wisdom shines in this book. I found the writing to be highly readable and encouraging. There’s no fluff or overdone jargon, only lots of truth and advice and wisdom in these pages. She highlights the high rate of anxiety in young girls today, examines the difference between worry-fear-anxiety, and gives so many actionable steps toward health and recovery. One of my favorite aspects of this book were the 1-2 page recaps with the ideas/suggestions listed at the end of each chapter for a quick reminder.
Goff is a Christ-follower and uses scripture throughout her book. As she says: “…there is not much available that talks about how to work through worry from the place I believe makes the most profound difference: our faith in God.”.
I immediately put some of her practices in place and have seen results. My youngest is painfully shy — I started using Goff’s language and encouragement around her, and I have noticed a difference. She’s interacting with others more as we put the emphasis on her bravery and not her worry — we are focusing on who she is and that, through Christ, she is an overcomer.
I highly recommend this book for any one who interacts with young kids. Everyone worries and fears at some point. It is so important to remember truth and to leave the worry monster in the dust.
Enter Sissy’s book! Goff has counseled young children for over 25 years, and her wisdom shines in this book. I found the writing to be highly readable and encouraging. There’s no fluff or overdone jargon, only lots of truth and advice and wisdom in these pages. She highlights the high rate of anxiety in young girls today, examines the difference between worry-fear-anxiety, and gives so many actionable steps toward health and recovery. One of my favorite aspects of this book were the 1-2 page recaps with the ideas/suggestions listed at the end of each chapter for a quick reminder.
Goff is a Christ-follower and uses scripture throughout her book. As she says: “…there is not much available that talks about how to work through worry from the place I believe makes the most profound difference: our faith in God.”.
I immediately put some of her practices in place and have seen results. My youngest is painfully shy — I started using Goff’s language and encouragement around her, and I have noticed a difference. She’s interacting with others more as we put the emphasis on her bravery and not her worry — we are focusing on who she is and that, through Christ, she is an overcomer.
I highly recommend this book for any one who interacts with young kids. Everyone worries and fears at some point. It is so important to remember truth and to leave the worry monster in the dust.
August 31, 2023
Do I personally love the Message translation use throughout? No. Can I get past it? Yes! Do I think this book was extremely helpful for me to help my daughters with worry? YES! As a recovering perfectionist and worrier, myself, these strategies would have helped me soooo much as a kid! They’re even helping my now. I have already begun implementing some of these things with my oldest & found this book so practical and helpful. David & Sissy and the work they do for kids and parents is just the best.
February 28, 2024
I started this book thinking it would give me tools to keep on hand for my daughter in the future; however, I quickly realized that this book was doing more than that. It was providing healing for me. Goff gave words to childhood experiences, struggles, traumas, worries that I didn’t know I had buried so deeply. She provided me with language to talk about and process remnants of these struggles that still appear on a regular basis. She helped me look my own anxiety in the face and reignite a courage and desire to fight against it, especially as I raise my own daughter and create the home she’s growing up in. While I pray anxiety is not a struggle for my daughter like it’s been for me and the girls Goff writes about, this book is one I am thankful to have as a reference and guide for any future need.
January 26, 2024
First, and maybe not that importantly, the narrator of this book is trash. Overall I thought the material in the book was helpful. I learned a lot about managing anxiety and although my daughter is only a toddler, I appreciated the picture of things girls are struggling with today. It was also helpful in thinking through my own struggles with anxiety. The first 2/3 of the book are strong. The last third fell flat and was super repetitive and unhelpful. All of a sudden there was Scripture galore and references to having hope in Jesus as antidote to anxiety. Yes… but also it felt very tacked on and disingenuous to me (a Christian). I also thought the author took a lot of verses out of context in a very feel good way that made it seem like there’s no need to worry because *God’s got this!* winky face! After such practical and reputable information, it was an abrupt shift to … just learn some Bible verses and everything will work out for your daughter!
I also want to acknowledge that this book is a very *light* intro into anxiety and the problems and issues she addresses are problems of privilege. I guess it is understood that all the girls she gives examples of are upper middle class with 2 parent homes and no big T trauma. It’s very helpful to think through helping a girl with worry and equipping her with tools, but if your daughter has experienced real trauma or has a diagnosed anxiety disorder, this book is not what you need.
I also want to acknowledge that this book is a very *light* intro into anxiety and the problems and issues she addresses are problems of privilege. I guess it is understood that all the girls she gives examples of are upper middle class with 2 parent homes and no big T trauma. It’s very helpful to think through helping a girl with worry and equipping her with tools, but if your daughter has experienced real trauma or has a diagnosed anxiety disorder, this book is not what you need.
February 1, 2021
I think this is a good book for all parents to read, regardless of your kids’ gender. Considering anxiety is so prevalent today, it feels important to be aware and informed, which is exactly how this book made me feel!
January 25, 2022
Every parent and person with anxiety needs to read this book. Totally useful info for boys and girls and I found most of the info was applicable to myself as an anxiety ridden mom. My only minor complaint was she used way to much of the “message” “version” of the Bible, which is a commentary.
September 5, 2025
One of the things about reading parenting books is that I've found some books I wish my parents had had when I was little.
This book is now at the top of the list.
I was a really good kid, and so when I would have a burst of anger or defiance, my parents were often at a loss as to what was going on and how to handle it well. Really, looking back, I feel like they did the best they knew how to for me. But how I wish they had had this book because so much of this described a very young Sarah - a good kid who had occasional anger and control issues most adults just wanted to make go away.
At the time I'm reading this, I am pregnant with a little girl. I want to do my best for her in the future, which is why I am devouring parenting books now. This one is going on my list of books I'm buying to have on my shelf. All of us worry and have some anxiety from time to time. This book equips parents to help their girls deal with that worry in a godly way, which also utilizes some proven counseling methods.
Did I agree with everything in this book? No. There are a few things Goff suggested that I wouldn't use in my home because of New Age/Eastern mysticism from which they come. However, most of this book is fantastic and because most of the advice is very pratical and rooteded in the Christian faith, I plan to make use of it.
This book is now at the top of the list.
I was a really good kid, and so when I would have a burst of anger or defiance, my parents were often at a loss as to what was going on and how to handle it well. Really, looking back, I feel like they did the best they knew how to for me. But how I wish they had had this book because so much of this described a very young Sarah - a good kid who had occasional anger and control issues most adults just wanted to make go away.
At the time I'm reading this, I am pregnant with a little girl. I want to do my best for her in the future, which is why I am devouring parenting books now. This one is going on my list of books I'm buying to have on my shelf. All of us worry and have some anxiety from time to time. This book equips parents to help their girls deal with that worry in a godly way, which also utilizes some proven counseling methods.
Did I agree with everything in this book? No. There are a few things Goff suggested that I wouldn't use in my home because of New Age/Eastern mysticism from which they come. However, most of this book is fantastic and because most of the advice is very pratical and rooteded in the Christian faith, I plan to make use of it.
March 20, 2025
As someone who has struggled with anxiety, this book was convicting in so many good ways on how I can be projecting my own anxiety onto my daughter. Filled with so much practical wisdom and tools to help myself and my daughters. Highly recommend
January 2, 2026
I read this for my daughter. I learned more about myself.
November 1, 2024
Exactly what I was looking for. Definitely will be a re-read for me as my daughter gets older! Also admittedly caused me to reflect on myself as well so... A win-win!
January 22, 2025
HIGHLY RECOMMEND. A really helpful resource that offers clinical tools and timeless truths to help parents raise daughters who are resilient and brave. Along the way, I thought Sissy Goff did a tremendous job highlighting the unique pressures young girls feel in 2024. That was eye opening. In addition, parents were not left out of the anxiety equation. I found myself nodding along to convictions I felt around my personal anxieties and how I need to work on this too.
Would pass off to any new parent or anyone looking to grow as a parent in how they raise daughters who are brave strong and smart in an anxious world!
Would pass off to any new parent or anyone looking to grow as a parent in how they raise daughters who are brave strong and smart in an anxious world!
February 2, 2024
This is such an important book. I read it on my Kindle, but I will be purchasing and rereading in the near future to have on-hand as a resource.
As a mother who has Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and a sweet 5-year-old daughter who seems to exhibit some anxious behaviors, this book was key. It helped me understand myself (past and present) and her as well. It is filled with emotion, practicality, and God’s promises.
The chapters are so informative that it was overwhelming at times (hello, anxiety), so it was helpful that at the end of each chapter, Goff gave “Key Points to Remember” along with a list of questions you could ask your daughter. Highly recommend for mothers of daughters—of any age!
As a mother who has Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and a sweet 5-year-old daughter who seems to exhibit some anxious behaviors, this book was key. It helped me understand myself (past and present) and her as well. It is filled with emotion, practicality, and God’s promises.
The chapters are so informative that it was overwhelming at times (hello, anxiety), so it was helpful that at the end of each chapter, Goff gave “Key Points to Remember” along with a list of questions you could ask your daughter. Highly recommend for mothers of daughters—of any age!
December 29, 2023
I really think everyone needs to read this - but especially if you have a daughter. I learned so much!!
January 21, 2025
I loved this book!!! I don’t have kids (also not pregnant lol) but my church was giving out these books and I grabbed a copy. I’ve always loved Sissy Goff and I am so glad I read this. It felt so healing for me. My favorite chapter was “Help for her mind.” She talks about a faulty memory and how often those who struggle with anxiety struggle to remember positive experiences. “Negative emotions generally involve more thinking, and the information is processed more thoroughly than positive ones… thus we ten to ruminate more about unpleasant events- and use stronger words to describe them than happy ones.” This was so eye opening for me and I can for sure see how this has played out in my life since I was a little girl. I also loved the ending when she talks about graditude- worry and gratitude cannot coexist 🤎 I can’t suggest reading thing enough!
February 7, 2025
Ugh so important. Made me uncomfortable but in a good way.
February 19, 2021
This is one of the best books I have ever read. It not only has been helpful in better understanding my 8 year old worrier, but it has helped me better understand myself. It is practical, scientific, and filled with hope that we CAN raise our daughters to recognize their bravery, strength and smarts. I have marked every page of this book and will continue to re-read this on a regular basis. I have also enjoyed working through the work book with my daughter. We both feel more freedom and confidence having vocabulary to use around worry. We are fighting our worry monsters side by side with the strength of Jesus. Amazing and powerful stuff.
November 3, 2021
I immediately wanted to borrow this from our local library after hearing Sissy speak on a podcast about girls and anxiety a few months ago, seeing as I will be raising two young girls. I thought this book was incredible. It might have helped me process my *own* anxiety just as much as it prepared me for the worries my daughters may face! But I love her balanced approach to treating, understanding, and fighting anxiety and the way her chapters are broken into how anxiety affects the bodjes, minds, and hearts of young girls today. Her book ends with an emphasis on trust and putting our faith in the One who knows the future and loves us unendingly. I will be buying this one for sure!
May 1, 2025
I wanted more tips and tricks and practical solutions. Also disagreed with a few things in here, which is fine. It was helpful in some ways!
December 30, 2023
There is so much practical help in this book and tools Goff offers that I have naturally started exercising in my parenting. The reason it only gets 3 stars is that I wanted the Hope section earlier (she saves much of what the Bible has to say about anxiety for the end), and I feel like it would have made the book much so much stronger to lead with this. She also uses a lot of language (kind of like the title) that suggests the solution to our anxiety is in our own efforts rather than the grace of God (self-help language), but she gets there (that we can’t do it without the Lord) at the end. You can tell by reading that Goff is an experienced counselor who loves the Lord deeply and has dedicated her life to helping young girls embrace Him. I think I am used to reading more biblical counseling resources, where this book focuses more on statistics and research-based practices.
April 25, 2023
I’m a big fan of Sissy Goff’s podcast “Raising Boys and Girls” so I was excited to pick this up!
This is such a great resource for parents of young girls. Sissy addresses the concerning anxiety epidemic facing girls today with so many practical tips and a whole lot of hope. And as a bonus, I feel like I learned a lot about myself, too! My daughter is still under two, but this was such a good reminder for me to be modeling these behaviors and techniques, and to point her towards Christ. This is a book I’ll be revisiting throughout my daughters development!
This is such a great resource for parents of young girls. Sissy addresses the concerning anxiety epidemic facing girls today with so many practical tips and a whole lot of hope. And as a bonus, I feel like I learned a lot about myself, too! My daughter is still under two, but this was such a good reminder for me to be modeling these behaviors and techniques, and to point her towards Christ. This is a book I’ll be revisiting throughout my daughters development!
January 9, 2024
This was super helpful in explaining some of the ‘why’ behind anxiety and offering a lot of great strategies for parents! I feel much more confident in my abilities to help my daughter and also traps to avoid that will hinder her growth. I wasn’t expecting such a focus on Christianity and think this book would be more helpful to all people without that focus.
June 16, 2024
So So so helpful. I've already used some of her tips to great avail.
July 30, 2025
DNF at 35%. My review is for the audiobook.
As I’m sure this book has helpful insights it’s just not for me. The monotone, robotic reading is rough to listen to. I would have listened further, even with the mentions of the enneagram charts, but I can’t listen to the narrator.
As I’m sure this book has helpful insights it’s just not for me. The monotone, robotic reading is rough to listen to. I would have listened further, even with the mentions of the enneagram charts, but I can’t listen to the narrator.
May 1, 2024
[I’m not sure if this influences your interest in this book or not, but Sissy Goff is, as far as I know, not related to or married to Bob Goff.]
“It’s never been more important to talk about how the trouble your child will experience can lead to resilience. We want her to learn how she can see difficulties as opportunities. And, ultimately, how God can and will use hurt in her life—even big hurt—for her good and His glory.”
This is an excellent book and resource for parents to use to help their kids cope with anxiety and worrying. I can see myself referring back to it a lot over the years as different worries manifest for my daughters. I would definitely recommend owning this one and sharing it with your parent-friends.
You can also get the workbook that goes along with this that your daughter works through. There is one for younger girls and one for teens. I got the younger one and at first glance (she hasn’t gone through it yet) looks easy for her to follow and understand. I think she will like having her ‘own’ book.
This would still work for boys but I think the root of their anxiety may come from different places. It is written specifically for girls. David Thomas works in the same counseling practice as Sissy Goff and has written the book Wild Things and Raising Emotionally Strong Boys for boys that may be a good option if you’re a parent to boys. I plan to read at least the first one of those as well.
I should disclaim first as Sissy does herself in the book— this book is NOT meant to replace therapy or counseling for kids with severe anxiety disorders. Some kids may need extra help.
I will also say that I have plans to read Bad Therapy by Abigail Shrier and The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt that both talk about anxiety. I’m curious to see how those correlate (or not) with this book.
Sissy’s book is meant to provide tools and understanding for parents to handle their children’s anxiety and worries. She mentions how there is an epidemic of anxiety. When she started counseling she said maybe 1 in 20 kids came in wanting to talk about anxiety. Now it’s 16 in 20.
I believe Shrier and Haidt’s books speak to this epidemic and exploring what may be causing it. One of those reasons is the popularity and trend in being able to say you have anxiety or depression. It may be a parent’s overemphasis on their feelings and ruminating on them, trying to figure them out. I’ll learn more once I read those books.
In light of that, I think as you read Sissy’s book you should be careful not to project feelings on your daughters that they may not have. Sissy even says that just because they experience anxious thoughts or worries or sad thoughts, doesn’t mean they have anxiety or depression. Those are all normal things everyone deals with. We don’t want to make the worries bigger than they are. We want to help our kids as they struggle, but use your best judgment on whether your kids just need a few reminders or tips on calming down, they need more therapy, or they’re somewhere in between.
Raising Worry-Free Girls is broken into three parts: Understanding, Help, and Hope.
Understanding: These chapters talk about what anxiety/worry is and why she may be struggling with it (i.e. technology, peer pressure, genetics, environment, temperament, parenting styles, experiences etc.) It assures readers that this book will help create perspective for both the parent and the child which is essential for knowing how to move forward.
Help: These chapters talk about how ‘The Worry Monster,’ as she calls it, affects our children’s bodies (logic, reasoning, breathing, tummies, amygdala in the brain’s response), minds (catastrophic thinking, exaggerated thinking, underestimated ability, etc), and hearts (safety, comfort, bravery, etc). There are lots of practical tools/exercises/questions here to help her start fighting and ‘bossing back’ her Worry Monster.
Hope: These chapters look at what the Bible says about fear, worry, courage, trust, waiting, wisdom, etc. Anxiety is essentially a lack of trust. What bolsters our trust? Knowing the One who created us and this world, the One who holds it together, the One who holds us and our futures in our hands, and why that is the most comforting thing. And our ultimate hope is eternal and cannot be taken away from us. There is security in that.I like that she encourages your daughter to find her own verse that speaks to her heart and have her write it down and memorize it to bring back in troubled times.
She does talk a tiny bit about the Enneagram. I know there are mixed feelings about the Enneagram. I tend to fall on the side of not putting much stock in it or spending much time trying to understand or utilize it. I won’t get into that now, but if you’re like me, be assured, the foundation of this book is not founded on that material even though she mentions it. I didn’t feel uncomfortable with any statements she made.
I won’t re-explain all the tools she does in the book. It’s better if you read them yourself along with the real-life examples of girls she has seen in her office and how these tools helped them, but I will share a few of the things that stuck out to me.
“Much of a child’s response to trauma has to do with ours.”
“Children of anxious parents are as much as seven times more likely to develop an anxiety disorder than children who don’t have anxious parents.”
Even if your kids aren’t showing signs of anxiety now, if you are an anxious person, this book may be helpful for you to read before your own anxiety influences them! They learn how to respond to things by watching us. We need to do the work, ourselves, to manage our stress or worries and model for our kids a healthy perspective. It’s not just our emotional response or physical response but also the language we use around those things. It shapes how our kids understand and learn how to perceive their own struggles.
For that reason, I recommend this book to any parent regardless of where their child is on the anxiety spectrum.
Another way parents hinder their children’s ability to deal with anxiety is by helping them avoid the feeling.
“they rescue, they fix, they help her avoid the situations that trigger the fear. But when you rescue her, you’re communicating to her that she needs rescuing. You’re telling her the situation is a frightening one and she’s not capable of handling it.”
“If we solve our kids’ problems for them, they don’t develop the ability to problem-solve, which I believe is one of the primary deterrents of anxiety.”
Just like exposure therapy, our kids can’t learn how to handle something if they never experience it. It’s okay for them to feel fear and worry and anxious thoughts. Then we help them use their tools to navigate it. Avoidance will only make it worse and ingratiate in her the idea that she doesn’t have what it takes to overcome it.
One of the activities she suggests doing is creating a number scale (1-10) to help her identify where her feelings are on the scale— they initially feel like 10s, but using this scale helps her to see that most of her worries really aren’t that major. She leaves the scale open for our own creation, but I would have liked to see an example scale of what she would put for the numbers. I might see things bigger than I should too!
“Your pain is important, but you don’t have to make it bigger than it is just for me to hear you or to make it valid.”
I found this particularly convicting for me. I’ve been pondering how to show my kids I care without coddling them. I want to create in them perseverance and resilience. I’ve heard them say ‘You don’t care about me!’ because of my ‘builds character’ parenting style when it comes to hurts, especially ones that happen after adamant disobedience.
But there has to be a balance. This quote reminds me that if I remove too much of my attention from her, she may escalate her ‘pain’ to get my attention back or exaggerate her feelings or experiences to make it ‘worth my time.’ I don’t want to do that to her. I need to acknowledge and listen to her pain— not indulge it— but still let her know I will always listen to her so nothing gets blown up.
“Anxiety always involves an overestimation of the problem and an underestimation of herself.”
“The Brave Theory is where we want her to land— and it says she’s capable and strong and that God has already given her all that she needs. She can do the scary thing… We want her to use her smart brain against her worry brain and boss it back.”
This is really what it all boils down to. Giving her the tools and language she needs to identify what’s going on in her body, mind, and heart, and helping her stand up to the voice of lies and find her confidence in the Lord to do the hard things.
“The girls I see who live with anxiety are some of the most hard-working, caring, intentional, kind, and brilliant girls I know. Things matter to them. Everything matters to them which can make life hard. And it can make it hard to know when or how to turn that kind of care off.”
This is a good reminder to me as I deal with one of my daughters in particular. It gives me language and encouragement to use with her— that she struggles because she cares and caring isn’t wrong. But helping her not be trapped in looping thoughts of perfectionism and getting everything ‘right’ but giving her freedom to not be perfect. Perfection is an unrealistic expectation that will only cause more worry and disappointment.
Recommendation
I would definitely recommend this book to everyone! Really, I think even people who aren’t parents would still benefit from some of the tools she talks about. But in particular, this is a great resource for parents and gives direction to help them help their kids.
I love how Sissy combines both the psychology behind anxiety but also biblical principles. You can only do so much ‘symptom-treating’ without also having a hope and trust in something bigger than ourselves. Real security is found in Christ so that component is essential in any discussion about anxiety and worrying.
‘Do not fear’ is used enough times in the Bible to recognize that the cure for that is Jesus.
I’ll leave with one more quote which assures any parent— it’s not too late:
“There is always hope. It’s a journey. And not only are you and she still on it, but God is still going before you in it.”
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“It’s never been more important to talk about how the trouble your child will experience can lead to resilience. We want her to learn how she can see difficulties as opportunities. And, ultimately, how God can and will use hurt in her life—even big hurt—for her good and His glory.”
This is an excellent book and resource for parents to use to help their kids cope with anxiety and worrying. I can see myself referring back to it a lot over the years as different worries manifest for my daughters. I would definitely recommend owning this one and sharing it with your parent-friends.
You can also get the workbook that goes along with this that your daughter works through. There is one for younger girls and one for teens. I got the younger one and at first glance (she hasn’t gone through it yet) looks easy for her to follow and understand. I think she will like having her ‘own’ book.
This would still work for boys but I think the root of their anxiety may come from different places. It is written specifically for girls. David Thomas works in the same counseling practice as Sissy Goff and has written the book Wild Things and Raising Emotionally Strong Boys for boys that may be a good option if you’re a parent to boys. I plan to read at least the first one of those as well.
I should disclaim first as Sissy does herself in the book— this book is NOT meant to replace therapy or counseling for kids with severe anxiety disorders. Some kids may need extra help.
I will also say that I have plans to read Bad Therapy by Abigail Shrier and The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt that both talk about anxiety. I’m curious to see how those correlate (or not) with this book.
Sissy’s book is meant to provide tools and understanding for parents to handle their children’s anxiety and worries. She mentions how there is an epidemic of anxiety. When she started counseling she said maybe 1 in 20 kids came in wanting to talk about anxiety. Now it’s 16 in 20.
I believe Shrier and Haidt’s books speak to this epidemic and exploring what may be causing it. One of those reasons is the popularity and trend in being able to say you have anxiety or depression. It may be a parent’s overemphasis on their feelings and ruminating on them, trying to figure them out. I’ll learn more once I read those books.
In light of that, I think as you read Sissy’s book you should be careful not to project feelings on your daughters that they may not have. Sissy even says that just because they experience anxious thoughts or worries or sad thoughts, doesn’t mean they have anxiety or depression. Those are all normal things everyone deals with. We don’t want to make the worries bigger than they are. We want to help our kids as they struggle, but use your best judgment on whether your kids just need a few reminders or tips on calming down, they need more therapy, or they’re somewhere in between.
Raising Worry-Free Girls is broken into three parts: Understanding, Help, and Hope.
Understanding: These chapters talk about what anxiety/worry is and why she may be struggling with it (i.e. technology, peer pressure, genetics, environment, temperament, parenting styles, experiences etc.) It assures readers that this book will help create perspective for both the parent and the child which is essential for knowing how to move forward.
Help: These chapters talk about how ‘The Worry Monster,’ as she calls it, affects our children’s bodies (logic, reasoning, breathing, tummies, amygdala in the brain’s response), minds (catastrophic thinking, exaggerated thinking, underestimated ability, etc), and hearts (safety, comfort, bravery, etc). There are lots of practical tools/exercises/questions here to help her start fighting and ‘bossing back’ her Worry Monster.
Hope: These chapters look at what the Bible says about fear, worry, courage, trust, waiting, wisdom, etc. Anxiety is essentially a lack of trust. What bolsters our trust? Knowing the One who created us and this world, the One who holds it together, the One who holds us and our futures in our hands, and why that is the most comforting thing. And our ultimate hope is eternal and cannot be taken away from us. There is security in that.I like that she encourages your daughter to find her own verse that speaks to her heart and have her write it down and memorize it to bring back in troubled times.
She does talk a tiny bit about the Enneagram. I know there are mixed feelings about the Enneagram. I tend to fall on the side of not putting much stock in it or spending much time trying to understand or utilize it. I won’t get into that now, but if you’re like me, be assured, the foundation of this book is not founded on that material even though she mentions it. I didn’t feel uncomfortable with any statements she made.
I won’t re-explain all the tools she does in the book. It’s better if you read them yourself along with the real-life examples of girls she has seen in her office and how these tools helped them, but I will share a few of the things that stuck out to me.
“Much of a child’s response to trauma has to do with ours.”
“Children of anxious parents are as much as seven times more likely to develop an anxiety disorder than children who don’t have anxious parents.”
Even if your kids aren’t showing signs of anxiety now, if you are an anxious person, this book may be helpful for you to read before your own anxiety influences them! They learn how to respond to things by watching us. We need to do the work, ourselves, to manage our stress or worries and model for our kids a healthy perspective. It’s not just our emotional response or physical response but also the language we use around those things. It shapes how our kids understand and learn how to perceive their own struggles.
For that reason, I recommend this book to any parent regardless of where their child is on the anxiety spectrum.
Another way parents hinder their children’s ability to deal with anxiety is by helping them avoid the feeling.
“they rescue, they fix, they help her avoid the situations that trigger the fear. But when you rescue her, you’re communicating to her that she needs rescuing. You’re telling her the situation is a frightening one and she’s not capable of handling it.”
“If we solve our kids’ problems for them, they don’t develop the ability to problem-solve, which I believe is one of the primary deterrents of anxiety.”
Just like exposure therapy, our kids can’t learn how to handle something if they never experience it. It’s okay for them to feel fear and worry and anxious thoughts. Then we help them use their tools to navigate it. Avoidance will only make it worse and ingratiate in her the idea that she doesn’t have what it takes to overcome it.
One of the activities she suggests doing is creating a number scale (1-10) to help her identify where her feelings are on the scale— they initially feel like 10s, but using this scale helps her to see that most of her worries really aren’t that major. She leaves the scale open for our own creation, but I would have liked to see an example scale of what she would put for the numbers. I might see things bigger than I should too!
“Your pain is important, but you don’t have to make it bigger than it is just for me to hear you or to make it valid.”
I found this particularly convicting for me. I’ve been pondering how to show my kids I care without coddling them. I want to create in them perseverance and resilience. I’ve heard them say ‘You don’t care about me!’ because of my ‘builds character’ parenting style when it comes to hurts, especially ones that happen after adamant disobedience.
But there has to be a balance. This quote reminds me that if I remove too much of my attention from her, she may escalate her ‘pain’ to get my attention back or exaggerate her feelings or experiences to make it ‘worth my time.’ I don’t want to do that to her. I need to acknowledge and listen to her pain— not indulge it— but still let her know I will always listen to her so nothing gets blown up.
“Anxiety always involves an overestimation of the problem and an underestimation of herself.”
“The Brave Theory is where we want her to land— and it says she’s capable and strong and that God has already given her all that she needs. She can do the scary thing… We want her to use her smart brain against her worry brain and boss it back.”
This is really what it all boils down to. Giving her the tools and language she needs to identify what’s going on in her body, mind, and heart, and helping her stand up to the voice of lies and find her confidence in the Lord to do the hard things.
“The girls I see who live with anxiety are some of the most hard-working, caring, intentional, kind, and brilliant girls I know. Things matter to them. Everything matters to them which can make life hard. And it can make it hard to know when or how to turn that kind of care off.”
This is a good reminder to me as I deal with one of my daughters in particular. It gives me language and encouragement to use with her— that she struggles because she cares and caring isn’t wrong. But helping her not be trapped in looping thoughts of perfectionism and getting everything ‘right’ but giving her freedom to not be perfect. Perfection is an unrealistic expectation that will only cause more worry and disappointment.
Recommendation
I would definitely recommend this book to everyone! Really, I think even people who aren’t parents would still benefit from some of the tools she talks about. But in particular, this is a great resource for parents and gives direction to help them help their kids.
I love how Sissy combines both the psychology behind anxiety but also biblical principles. You can only do so much ‘symptom-treating’ without also having a hope and trust in something bigger than ourselves. Real security is found in Christ so that component is essential in any discussion about anxiety and worrying.
‘Do not fear’ is used enough times in the Bible to recognize that the cure for that is Jesus.
I’ll leave with one more quote which assures any parent— it’s not too late:
“There is always hope. It’s a journey. And not only are you and she still on it, but God is still going before you in it.”
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July 29, 2024
Loved. Great tips and tools. Definitely proves how involved and pivotal a mom needs be in her daughters life
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September 7, 2024DNF in chapter 1. I was willing to overlook the recommendation of the enneagram because it *can* be a useful thing to know about yourself (but it quickly crosses the line into cult-ish devotion IMO) but quoting The Message “translation” is an absolute no-go for me.
April 25, 2020
This was a GR recommendation and I listened to the audio book. I would not recommend the audio version— it was monotone and even my son commented about how boring it sounded. Some of this information was interesting but I think it calmed some of my worries because on the anxiety spectrum my family seems pretty low. We do have a good balance (as mentioned in the book)—one parent who is more risk averse versus more risk tolerant when it comes to the kids. However, if you are already encouraging your kids to try new things and be independent you probably don’t have a child who is having anxiety issues. I did wish more of the book was spent discussing teenagers because most of the ideas presented seemed very juvenile and something even an eight year old may roll her eyes at. Also side note that there is heavy Christian messaging within this book, so if that’s not your deal it may be a bit distracting as the solution to anxiety presented as just to “rely on Jesus”.
December 22, 2022
Highly recommended for anyone parenting a girl, whether or not you consider anxiety a particular issue for her.
Goff weaves faith, science and years of practical experience into a book that both helps you understand where fears come from and gives you ways to help your daughter – who is braver, smarter and stronger than she knows – fight back.
Goff weaves faith, science and years of practical experience into a book that both helps you understand where fears come from and gives you ways to help your daughter – who is braver, smarter and stronger than she knows – fight back.
February 24, 2023
A great resource that I’m sure I will reference again as we raise our girls. My only caution is in reference to the audiobook narrator. 😱 I truly could only listen to this in short sections (hence why it took me so long) as I would completely zone out. So maybe stick to actually reading this one.
May 19, 2024
Overall this is an excellent resource for Christian parents who have a child prone to worry and anxiety. I very much appreciated how much Sissy pointed back to the truth of God’s care for us and to Scripture throughout every chapter while never diminishing that mental health struggles are real and require more than just prayer to conquer.
I also really appreciated that she didn’t jump to an “all girls with anxiety need therapy” methodology, but thinks most parents can handle supporting their daughters at home - and focuses on encouraging and teaching us how to do that. She gives several very practical and immediately implementable strategies for parents to use.
I felt like it was a bit slow to get started and into the meat of the book and there was a bit too much pop psychology at the beginning (any mention of the enneagram tends to make me a little twitchy), but I’m sure others appreciate her relatability in both areas.
We’ve purchased the workbook she wrote for girls and intend to go through it with our daughter this summer - a quick read through of it and we have been equally pleased. Goff’s work in this area is a gift to girls everywhere and I’m so glad a friend turned me onto this resource!
I also really appreciated that she didn’t jump to an “all girls with anxiety need therapy” methodology, but thinks most parents can handle supporting their daughters at home - and focuses on encouraging and teaching us how to do that. She gives several very practical and immediately implementable strategies for parents to use.
I felt like it was a bit slow to get started and into the meat of the book and there was a bit too much pop psychology at the beginning (any mention of the enneagram tends to make me a little twitchy), but I’m sure others appreciate her relatability in both areas.
We’ve purchased the workbook she wrote for girls and intend to go through it with our daughter this summer - a quick read through of it and we have been equally pleased. Goff’s work in this area is a gift to girls everywhere and I’m so glad a friend turned me onto this resource!
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