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Trans Love
Selected as a 2019 LGBT Book of the Year by Dazed and Ms. Magazine A ground-breaking anthology of writing on the topic of love, written by trans and non-binary people who share their thoughts, feelings and experiences of love in all its guises. The collection spans familial, romantic, spiritual and self-love as well as friendships and ally love, to provide a broad and honest understanding of how trans people navigate love and relationships, and what love means to them. Reclaiming what love means to trans people, this book provokes conversations that are not reflected in what is presently written, moving the narrative around trans identities away from sensationalism. At once intimate and radical, and both humorous and poignant, this book is for anyone who has loved, who is in love, and who is looking for love.
296 pages, Paperback
First published August 21, 2019
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 43 reviews
September 4, 2020
Such a lovely collection of short pieces from trans and non-binary people with a couple of pieces from CIS people who are in relationships with trans partners. There is so much out there about trans, so it is nice to find a book by rather than about them. Go out, buy a copy, and read it.
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July 1, 2025reading this anthology reminded me of when ocean vuong said "being queer saved my life. often we see queerness as deprivation. but when I look at my life, I saw that queerness demanded an alternative innovation from me. I had to make alternative routes; it made me curious; it made me ask, 'is this enough for me?'"
the anthology itself was a mixed bag; I wish there were more BIPOC voices, and while I understand the sentiment of having trans allies/friends/family in there sharing about trans folks in their lives, a cis person writing about their experiences loving a trans person felt misplaced, even if it's "positive."
nevertheless, the book offered up the stories and experiences of some trans folk, and I got to learn and bear witness, so I'm glad I read it
the anthology itself was a mixed bag; I wish there were more BIPOC voices, and while I understand the sentiment of having trans allies/friends/family in there sharing about trans folks in their lives, a cis person writing about their experiences loving a trans person felt misplaced, even if it's "positive."
nevertheless, the book offered up the stories and experiences of some trans folk, and I got to learn and bear witness, so I'm glad I read it
January 15, 2020
As the subtitle indicates, this is an anthology of essays and poetry written by (mostly) trans and nonbinary authors. (A few of the pieces are by cis people writing about trans people they love.) Benson’s concept was an empowering collection, featuring writing on the topic of love and the specific way trans and nonbinary people experience it, and with this book I think she delivers on that promise.
As with any anthology, this collection was varied in the strength of the authors’ writing, but to me that fell secondary to how exciting it is to see a collection of writing that lifts up and celebrates voices so frequently silenced in the world we live in today. Even as trans representation in media becomes more commonplace, it’s still mostly through the cis gaze, depicting simplistic views of trans lives for shock value or trauma porn. Collections like this one combat that, giving precedence to actual trans people to talk on a range of topics from their lived experiences. I also appreciated the diversity of ages of the authors, and especially the inclusion of pieces by older trans writers unfolded a longer story of their trans life.
As with any anthology, this collection was varied in the strength of the authors’ writing, but to me that fell secondary to how exciting it is to see a collection of writing that lifts up and celebrates voices so frequently silenced in the world we live in today. Even as trans representation in media becomes more commonplace, it’s still mostly through the cis gaze, depicting simplistic views of trans lives for shock value or trauma porn. Collections like this one combat that, giving precedence to actual trans people to talk on a range of topics from their lived experiences. I also appreciated the diversity of ages of the authors, and especially the inclusion of pieces by older trans writers unfolded a longer story of their trans life.
June 7, 2023
"Know that being trans, being worthy of love, being free to express your true trans self, never was a debate. We are, and always will be, real." p.283
"But the people who take their love and walk away from you don't love you, or your perception of you. They love what they think they see. They love their own perception of who you are. They might be scared that you won't n eed them now that you have unleashed your true self." p.240
What else is there to say? Trans Love is a powerfull anthology of trans and nonbinary voices about love, romantical love, familiar love, love among friends and self-love and how it all works out while being transgender. Definitelly a recommendation for #QueerReadingMonth!
"But the people who take their love and walk away from you don't love you, or your perception of you. They love what they think they see. They love their own perception of who you are. They might be scared that you won't n eed them now that you have unleashed your true self." p.240
What else is there to say? Trans Love is a powerfull anthology of trans and nonbinary voices about love, romantical love, familiar love, love among friends and self-love and how it all works out while being transgender. Definitelly a recommendation for #QueerReadingMonth!
June 13, 2024
this is a lovely collection on loving as a trans/nb person, or loving a trans/nb person and loving in general. some texts left more of an impact than others, but all help understanding the experience of your trans/nb friends :)
February 1, 2025
I love u trans people
I love u queer people
I love u queer people
May 15, 2022
I borrowed a copy of this from my local library but when I was a third of the way through I realised I needed my own copy. For me the book provides powerful insights. The testimonies from the contributors give voice to the diverse lives and experiences about what it means to be transgender.
It is clear to me that there is no one way to be trans and I think this is missing from debates about trans issues. This anthology doesn’t state this but it shows this through the stories and experiences. I enjoyed reading this and it has helped me deepen my own understanding. I think reading own voices literature about trans issues is vital to any understanding of what it means to be trans. I highly recommend this book.
It is clear to me that there is no one way to be trans and I think this is missing from debates about trans issues. This anthology doesn’t state this but it shows this through the stories and experiences. I enjoyed reading this and it has helped me deepen my own understanding. I think reading own voices literature about trans issues is vital to any understanding of what it means to be trans. I highly recommend this book.
April 18, 2019
To consider a trans person’s entitlement to love and be loved might feel like a radical step, for to go there is to acknowledge both the humanity of trans folk and, furthermore, wider society’s capacity to discern and value it. If you think you could never love a trans person or they have no right to love you then prepare to be shaken.
This is a fascinating book, approaching the intersection of love and being trans from many angles — some of which I simply hadn’t thought of.
This is a fascinating book, approaching the intersection of love and being trans from many angles — some of which I simply hadn’t thought of.
March 2, 2021
I zoomed my way through this collection, a lot of the writing didn't grab me. Especially the monologues by Freiya. I really did not want to hear about one person's experience with a masturbation class. I was kind of hoping for a book that I could share with my parents, but this ain't it. That said, there are a few gems and I'm glad that a book exists that talks about the transgender perspective on love, relationships and sex. I just wish it was a bit better.
February 4, 2021
An immensely readable collection with such a fantastic concept at its heart.
March 17, 2022
I was missing more BIPoC perspectives
Liked:
Fucking Feelings
water signs
2018 Love
Liked:
Fucking Feelings
water signs
2018 Love
May 10, 2022
Now, let me say off the bat, that this book is incredibly important and I’m so glad it exists. I was really excited to read it, but sadly it did not blow me away like I hoped it would. I’m trans masc & nonbinary, and I love a good anthology. There were some pieces that absolutely blew me away, but most of them were just pretty okay.
I don’t think this book was bad. I think that for some folks it may be exactly what they need to hear. For the most part for me though, it was just alright.
I don’t think this book was bad. I think that for some folks it may be exactly what they need to hear. For the most part for me though, it was just alright.
November 17, 2020
I found this book in the library and instantly picked it up.
I may identify as straight but it is so important to try to educate myself on every aspect of LGBTQIA+ (in this case being transgender and non-binary). I feel that these perspectives helped me to understand a bit more what someone coming out may be going through and how I can be supportive and accepting.
Having read this I won’t pretend that I’m educated in this topic, instead I will keep learning and try to be as supportive and open to learning more about those around me.
I may identify as straight but it is so important to try to educate myself on every aspect of LGBTQIA+ (in this case being transgender and non-binary). I feel that these perspectives helped me to understand a bit more what someone coming out may be going through and how I can be supportive and accepting.
Having read this I won’t pretend that I’m educated in this topic, instead I will keep learning and try to be as supportive and open to learning more about those around me.
June 17, 2021
i was really excited to read a trans centered book but unfortunately it fell pretty flat for me. it felt like i was trudging through this book to finish it. a lot of the stories were similar and i just couldn’t really get invested. i wish there was more to this but it all seemed pretty surface level. the message is good like love yourself and find love but not much beyond that which was disappointing.
January 25, 2023
This book frustrated me. Firstly, as a trans person I was excited to read an anthology of trans experiences in love. This book really let me down.
There was a distinct lack of variety in trans experiences and perspectives, and many of them I found I did not relate to. Additionally, there was a lack of variety in contributors. I was unpleasantly surprised to see that the editor of the anthology had included several of her own contributions throughout the book in addition to her discussion of the book's sections and layout. I got tired of flipping the page only to see yet another contribution by Freiya Benson instead of discovering a new person's perspective. It destroys the point of an anthology.
I also found there to be some genuinely upsetting content without any prior warnings. There definitely needed to be trigger warnings for eating disorders, suicide, etc. for various portions of this book. The author did not seem to prioritize the reader's wellbeing in this way.
Stylistically, some of the selections present were poorly done. One contributor had made a "stylistic choice" to not capitalize letters that should be capitalized, while another entry was a whole wall of text that ran on without ANY punctuation. Other contributions read like a high schooler's diary entries, and not in a good way. Obviously this is subjective, but very few of the entries featured quality writing.
Furthermore, the book left me with a sad impression that trans people have no choice but to hate themselves and be hated by the world. I'm not trying to pretend that we aren't facing discrimination, hate crimes, violence, etc. but there are so many ways to find beauty, found family, self love, etc. and I just didn't see enough of that in this book. I didn't see enough mentions of the process, the struggle, the journey that leads to a life even more beautiful because it was fought for. Where was the variety?
This could have been so much better.
There was a distinct lack of variety in trans experiences and perspectives, and many of them I found I did not relate to. Additionally, there was a lack of variety in contributors. I was unpleasantly surprised to see that the editor of the anthology had included several of her own contributions throughout the book in addition to her discussion of the book's sections and layout. I got tired of flipping the page only to see yet another contribution by Freiya Benson instead of discovering a new person's perspective. It destroys the point of an anthology.
I also found there to be some genuinely upsetting content without any prior warnings. There definitely needed to be trigger warnings for eating disorders, suicide, etc. for various portions of this book. The author did not seem to prioritize the reader's wellbeing in this way.
Stylistically, some of the selections present were poorly done. One contributor had made a "stylistic choice" to not capitalize letters that should be capitalized, while another entry was a whole wall of text that ran on without ANY punctuation. Other contributions read like a high schooler's diary entries, and not in a good way. Obviously this is subjective, but very few of the entries featured quality writing.
Furthermore, the book left me with a sad impression that trans people have no choice but to hate themselves and be hated by the world. I'm not trying to pretend that we aren't facing discrimination, hate crimes, violence, etc. but there are so many ways to find beauty, found family, self love, etc. and I just didn't see enough of that in this book. I didn't see enough mentions of the process, the struggle, the journey that leads to a life even more beautiful because it was fought for. Where was the variety?
This could have been so much better.
December 11, 2023
I have mixed feelings about this collection.
This is advertised as an anthology of love stories: all the romantic and platonic ways that love is/can be present in trans and non-binary people’s lives.
While it is that, on some level, I think it’s more a collection of unmet desire and longing. I read story after story of people pouring their hearts out, speaking of dating and searching for connection. One of the recurring themes in the stories was the explicit sex. I get it; it’s a major part of adult life/desire/relationships. I just wasn't prepared for that to be the focus.
That made me think, though. Trans and non-binary people want the same things we all do, and sexuality is important. Time and time again though, these stories are about that unmet, unrealized cry for connection. It made me sad, and then it made me angry, then it made me realize that we all have a lot of self-reflection and work to do, so that trans and non-binary people can live in a world with fulfilling love, too.
This is advertised as an anthology of love stories: all the romantic and platonic ways that love is/can be present in trans and non-binary people’s lives.
While it is that, on some level, I think it’s more a collection of unmet desire and longing. I read story after story of people pouring their hearts out, speaking of dating and searching for connection. One of the recurring themes in the stories was the explicit sex. I get it; it’s a major part of adult life/desire/relationships. I just wasn't prepared for that to be the focus.
That made me think, though. Trans and non-binary people want the same things we all do, and sexuality is important. Time and time again though, these stories are about that unmet, unrealized cry for connection. It made me sad, and then it made me angry, then it made me realize that we all have a lot of self-reflection and work to do, so that trans and non-binary people can live in a world with fulfilling love, too.
November 27, 2020
The beauty. The joy. The utter, utter trans joy. There's also a lot of pain, because this is a book about love, but all I got from this book is just beautiful trans joy. As a cis member of the LGBTQ+ community, I aim to read as many works by trans and non-binary people as I possibly can because they are incredible part of the community and I can't wait to discover many more trans and enby voices. This anthology was a beautiful way of getting little snippets of many different writers. There are some pieces which I liked, some pieces which I loved, and some pieces I will never forget. It is a book I will not forget easily, and a book I really loved. I cannot wait to read more work from some of the contributors.
June 12, 2022
This is a frank, wholesome, sometimes bleakly emotive, melancholic and nostalgic view on innocence and formation of love in any and every form. Gender itself just presenting a small part of the connection.
Unlike other young adult books such as twilight; or the more adult novellas; values of consent, respect, happily ever after (especially with oneself) and ultimately continual growth and lack of binary thinking presents a valuable and safe amalgam of lived experience.
At times heartbreaking, at times hilarious, and at all times with absolute candour. This is essential - and difficult - reading for all that exist in a society such as ours, where sex, gender and our bodies are consistently discussed, judged, and "passed" by others.
Unlike other young adult books such as twilight; or the more adult novellas; values of consent, respect, happily ever after (especially with oneself) and ultimately continual growth and lack of binary thinking presents a valuable and safe amalgam of lived experience.
At times heartbreaking, at times hilarious, and at all times with absolute candour. This is essential - and difficult - reading for all that exist in a society such as ours, where sex, gender and our bodies are consistently discussed, judged, and "passed" by others.
January 12, 2025
A great compendium of thoughts and musings, long and short on all things trans. Some I felt really relatable and helped me in understanding myself. Others less so but I guess that's to expected in a collection, like this - not everything is for everyone but there is something for everyone. Maybe it would be better as a book to dip in and out of than read cover to cover like I did, I don't know. But I would definitely recommend it to anyone keen to understand trans identities better or even to understand their own gender better.
August 22, 2020
A beautiful collection of stories, poetry, papers, and thoughts. The authors made me laugh, cry, and self reflect in many ways. I feel as if I have come to know more about myself and my experience as a trans+ person by reading these stories, finding new concepts to think on, and seeing myself reflected in their words. Recommended read for those who identify as trans+, lgbtq+, or ally.
4.5 stars
4.5 stars
April 13, 2021
Great book!
This book really speaks to me. Because of my trans status, I've often felt undeserving of love. I always thought love would never happen to me, but it did. This book explores what it means to be transgender or non-binary and what it's like navigating love. There are a large array of diverse perspectives that speaks to anyone. I wish this book existed when I was single. It gave me new hope in love and reinforced my ideas about love. I highly recommend this book!
This book really speaks to me. Because of my trans status, I've often felt undeserving of love. I always thought love would never happen to me, but it did. This book explores what it means to be transgender or non-binary and what it's like navigating love. There are a large array of diverse perspectives that speaks to anyone. I wish this book existed when I was single. It gave me new hope in love and reinforced my ideas about love. I highly recommend this book!
January 30, 2022
My daughter is trans female and I wanted to read this to try and understand more about her and the trans community, so I can be the mother she needs me to be. Trans Love has helped to a certain extent, it's helped me to question myself more and hopefully be able to connect more with my daughter, but Becca's review (2nd March 21) is exactly how I felt having read this book.
September 9, 2022
I picked and chose the essays I read from this anthology, focusing on those written by non-binary folks, all of which I found deeply moving and resonant. As is the case with any anthology, some essays will naturally appeal more or seem less engaging, for various reasons. I really enjoyed this read. The essays I read felt like talking to friends, and felt very healing.
February 15, 2021
Read as part of my 'read as many LGBT books as possible' challenge this february. Almost impossible to rate as it covers such a breadth of material from writers and non-writers, but it's absolutely neccesary and I'm glad I read it.
January 31, 2020
Coming soon but a really lovely collection.
February 25, 2020
Lovely collection, thoughtfully edited and framed for the reader.
August 12, 2020
I urge everyone to read this. Whether you're trans/ cis/ non- binary/ anything in between. There's a message in here for everyone, I promise.
August 22, 2020
An important read for sure. Difficult to rate as a whole because some pieces resonated way more with me than others.
December 16, 2020
An anthology about love, written by Trans and non binary folxs. Love is universal and these writings are from a perspective often not heard from.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 43 reviews