Growing Up Queer in Australia

Growing Up ... in Australia

by Benjamin Law (Editor), Holly Throsby (Contributor), David Marr (Contributor)

‘No amount of YouTube videos and queer think pieces prepared me for this moment.’
‘The mantle of “queer migrant” compelled me to keep going – to go further.’
‘I never “came out” to my parents. I felt I owed them no explanation.’
‘All I heard from the pulpit were grim hints.’
‘I became acutely aware of the parts of myself that were unpalatable to queers who grew up in the city.’
‘My queerness was born in a hot dry land that was never ceded.’
‘Even now, I sometimes think that I don’t know my own desire.’
Compiled by celebrated author and journalist Benjamin Law, Growing Up Queer in Australia assembles voices from across the spectrum of LGBTIQA+ identity. Spanning diverse places, eras, ethnicities and experiences, these are the stories of growing up queer in Australia.

‘For better or worse, sooner or later, life conspires to reveal you to yourself, and this is growing up.’

With contributions from David Marr, Fiona Wright, Nayuka Gorrie, Steve Dow, Holly Throsby, Sally Rugg, Tony Ayres, Nic Holas, Rebecca Shaw and many more.

Genres: Nonfiction, Queer, LGBT, Australia, Memoir, Audiobook, Anthologies

288 pages, Paperback

First published August 1, 2019

About the author

Benjamin Law is a Brisbane-based freelance writer. He is a senior contributor to frankie magazine and has also written for The Monthly, The Courier Mail, Qweekend, Sunday Life, Cleo, Crikey, The Big Issue, New Matilda, Kill Your Darlings, ABC Unleashed and the Australian Associated Press.

His essays have been anthologised in Growing Up Asian in Australia, The Best Australian Essays 2008, The Best Australian Essays 2009 and the forthcoming Voracious: New Australian Food Writing.

The Family Law (2010) is his debut book, and is published by Black Inc. Books. A French edition will be published by Belfond in 2012. The TV rights have been sold to Matchbox Pictures.

He’s currently working on his second book, a collection of non-fiction looking at queer people and communities throughout Asia. It has the working title of Gaysia.

Reviews

[Hilm · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was an amazing read.

I didn't grow up in Australia, nor did I grow up queer, but the essays resonated with me. Especially this quote:

"I want to tell people all the time: there is no deadline for growing up, no submission date for your life’s narrative. You can work it out now or later. You can reveal yourself in parts, or as a whole, and make revisions. For better or worse, sooner or later, life conspires to reveal you to yourself, and this is growing up."

Other choice quotes:

"I resented the idea of coming out. It wasn’t that I was introverted, or that i felt like my romances were shameful, but that I loathed the idea of being pigeonholed. The social narratives around homosexuality had always left me with the impression that coming out was more than a courtesy. It was an expectation: like taking a ticket to join a queue or picking up litter; it was the responsibility of every good citizen to keep things neat and tidy."

"To some gay people, being bi seems easy. We have the supposed luxury of being chameleons, the privilege of choosing from the entire buffet rather than being confined to a corner table, as if sex were simply a smorgasbord and falling in love a matter of calculated odds.
"The truth is, being bisexual means being invisible, especially if you are in a monogamous relationship, whether you paint yourself like a rainbow or a white picket fence."

This book was so wonderful I had to mine the essays for quotes. I put the list of quotes that resonated with me in my blog here:
http://yellowdoorknob.blogspot.com/20...

[Shirley Bateman · Rating 4 out of 5]

An insightful collection of essays. I dipped in and out of the stories and was struck by how intricately complicated life is for Queer people. Benjamin Law’s foreword is so funny and touching, it’s almost worth reading the book for this alone.

[Nick Martin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Some may be more literary than others, but it was truly wonderful reading all the stories in this collection.

[will e · Rating 4 out of 5]

I ignored this book for years because I’m a f*****g b***h and thought it might be too on the nose but damn that was really quite moving and there is some really beautiful writing in here. Not every story hits as hard but there’s some gems and # relatable # content. Imagine having a book like this as a teen growing up in gong.. hmm.. huge

[Melinda · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 stars

This is the second 'Growing Up ... in Australia' anthology I've read.

Similar to Growing Up Disabled in Australia (and all anthologies really) I loved some of these stories, cried in others and didn't connect with others.

As a collection of stories, some of them felt very similar (small country towns, catholic schools) which did become repetitive. There's a Q&A portion of this anthology placed right in the middle of it which felt a little awkward - I would have preferred it at the end.

Highlights for me included Boobs, Rags and Judy Blume, Radelaide/Sadelaid and Vivian Quynh Pham's Why I've Stopped Coming Out to My Mum.

One common thread throughout Growing Up Queer in Australia was the lack of representation in books/movies the authors had growing up and the call for more representation, highlighting just how important these collections are (as well as rep in fictional books and films).

[joanne]

oh benjamin law i love you truly

[Sam King · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars. There's no trigger warnings in this book which I found odd, and the content very much warranted many of them. Also was shocked/disappointed by the lack of asexual and genderfluid rep. Some of these entries were lovely, original and uplifting and others felt like the repeats of others. I'd recommend reading the contributions you're most intrigued by and skip others that you feel just aren't your thing (as with many anthologies).

Not disappointed by it, but a little let down.

[Caroline · Rating 3 out of 5]

It's always hard to rate a compilation of stories and essays. There was some great variety in this book (though perhaps not as much rep for asexual or non-binary/ genderfluid people as there could've been). It was also lovely that they all felt so distinctly Australian and familiar. I don't think there are any bad stories in here but there were definitely some standouts so I might just share my thoughts on those.
- Rob and Queer family by Nayuka Gorrie had me crying at the end. It's about family and the first gay person, a man named Rob, our author encounters when young and the impact he has on their life.
- Boobs, Rags & Judy Bloom by Phoebe Hart discusses the beginning of puberty for an intersex teen. There's some hints of jealousy when falling behind the crowd and the story of finding about about being intersex and learning what it meant from their parents. Just great.
- Training to be Me by Cindy Zhou is about her parents having a negative reaction to her coming out and putting restrictions in place. It goes into the impact this had on her, including delaying her coming out to people outside the family. The intersection of race and queerness was dealt with in this, particularly in regards to the postal vote. One of the best.
- Reunion by Kelly Parry is a reflection on high school, coming out and family at a 40 year high school reunion. It was contemplative and well-written, I really enjoyed it.
- Radelaide/ Sadelaide by Gemma Killen is about lesbianism as a teen in Adelaide. I didn't write down much about this one. Just "it was sad, but I liked it."
- Q&A Georgie Stone. Trans activist and actor realised they were a girl very young (around 2 if I remember correctly). There was a lot of detail given in their answers which wasn't the case in all of the other Q&As so I loved that. Quite sad as they discussed experiencing suicidal thoughts at age 8 when school forced 'maleness'.
- Coming Out, Coming Home by Adolfo Aranjuez was about moving to Australia as an international student from the Philippines. It looks at the chasm between family and the impact on life as a whole as well as the path of a migrant to citizenship.
These were just some that I really enjoyed. This review is also based of notes I scrawled a month ago when I finished this book so I hope I have remembered things correctly. I listened to the audiobook which was great and I'd highly recommend.

[Courtney · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a spectacular read.

I've been looking forward to this since Benjamin Law posted on instagram looking for submissions and the Black Inc "Growing up in Australia" series is always quality and this edition didn't fail to deliver. I blubbered my way through half of the submissions, laughed in others, learned that somehow female teachers were not allowed to be married until the sixties (I mean, I shouldn't be surprised but like... wow) and was pleased with the diversity of this collection.

Some stories were heart warming, with happy endings, others seemed to be in the process of still evolving and some were not, almost all laced with sadness and isolation at the panic of being "other". Some were relatable, others weren't but every single one was one worth reading and knowing.

Really. Truly. A great read.

However. Caveat. If you've sensitive to animal cruelty maybe skip "To my Man of Seventeen Years" by Henry von Doussa. I'm no stranger to the realities of growing up on a farm but there was parts to this that made me feel very uncomfortable. The dogs, the pony and the bull in particular. I'm also a little icked out that it's played as a ~boys will be boys~ thing when really it's not BUT again, this was written by a real person so I guess... who am I to tell them what they can and cannot share about their life?

Outside of that? Fantastic.

[tayla · Rating 5 out of 5]

while some of the stories were like scratching at old scars, overall it’s just so nice to be seen. to feel like you belong. essentially that’s what every single one of these stories is about. it’s heartening to know we all go through the same rites of passage in our own ways.

[Jas Shirrefs]

Incredible. This book helped me grow up all over again.

[K. · Rating 4 out of 5]

Content warnings: homophobia, homophobic slurs, bullying, sexual assault, cheating, alcohol, drug use, transphobia, racism, self harm, religious bigotry, disordered eating, suicide

3.5 stars

I very much enjoy the Growing Up ___ in Australia series, so I was excited to read this one. However. The majority of the series features a mixture of established and emerging writers. They feature a mixture of ages. They feature a combination of serious and light hearted stories. They're on the dark side at times but still appropriate for a teenage audience.

This, in contrast, I don't know that I would give to teens. The majority of the stories feature at least SOME element of homophobic parents or SERIOUS bullying or sexual assault or a horrifying first time sexual experience. There were some stories that had humorous elements in them, but they were few and far between. And a LOT of the stories seemed to come from Gen X or Millennial authors.

Don't get me wrong, I know a LOT of people in the queer community have these kinds of experiences, I really do. But I'm not convinced that teens - particularly queer teens - need something with this number of traumatic backstories.

So yeah, it's an important collection, particularly where the experiences of queer Australians who grew up in rural areas. But oof.

[Hak · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book made me feel a little less alone. So many heartbreaking and joyous stories. Cried and laughed. ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️

[harrysnapper07!]

we're going to ignore how long it took me to finish this book (borrowed it for the holidays, returned it the school library, reborrowed it for the NEXT holidays and finally finished it then ☠️☠️☠️) PLEASE someone free me from the prison that is senior school 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

my favourite was probably "sometimes i call you even though i know you can't answer. it's a symbol, i think..." (AKA. the "call me by your name" essay) though i did love re-reading "why i stopped coming out to my mum" which the GOAT ms levett taught us in year 8 english fr fr

however, this whole book was also a banger. the anthology structure was perfectly chosen to investigate a topic with as much diversity of perspective as this (as arguably the only viable form), and law's mindful collation of this series of disparate essays effectively emphasised both the inherent uniqueness of each individual's Queer experience, while still highlighting common denominators to what it means to grow up Queer in AUSTRALIA (single-sex (religious) high schools, the interaction of the migrant experience with that of being Queer, the 2017 same-sex postal marriage survey, etc.) to form a stunning portrait of Queerness as a whole, one naturally steeped in heterogenity (LMAO), but also similarity that begets our community and solidarity.

however, the potency of this novel is also in that it forces you to confront your own growing up Queer, in australia or not. for growing up Queer in australia is a funny thing, in that i grew up a lot of things other than Queer. that i grew up lonely, and confused, scared, even, at times angry, shameful. Queerness is a lens through which you view to the world retrospectively, one that twists the overwhelming kaleidoscope, garish and saturated and constantly evolving from one thing to another, that one that constitutes one's "growing up", to a new pattern, a different arrangement of the same elements, where everything slots into place. it makes it make sense, the isolation. the rage. my inability to feel comfortable in my body and myself. it think it is only then, that while i have already grown up, it is only now that i am growing up Queer. i can't wait to write about it someday, to anyone who will listen, because growing up Queer, even when you don't know it, is also earth-shattering in its beauty. in its revelations, and above all, its joy.

"the classic saying goes: 'it gets better'. but i believe it doesn't just get better, it gets THE best..if i had the choice, i would go through all those hard years again if it meant i would end up here now, in the beautiful, diverse community i get to call family"
-rebecca shaw "something special"

[Panic Prince · Rating 4 out of 5]

8/10
This really hit home for me, and made quite a problem as i usually read on the train, i would find myself more often than not, tearing up due to the stories. Some mirrored my experiences too closely, others provided insight on the queer aussie scene that i don't think i would've otherwise.
I took time off reading recently to focus on school activities and homework, but these stories provided a breather in the moments i had alone to spare.
I read an earlier release copy that my school luckily got, so i'm sure the finalised version is even better and would surely reccomend it to others.

[Toni Meehan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this over a number of months because it’s something that cannot be rushed or glossed over!

[Tav Kakkar · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the best books i've ever read. Opened up my eyes to the queer experience in the broader community. Felt very seen in this book.

[Alicia · Rating 5 out of 5]

A fantastic book that forms part of a very worthy series of similar titles including Growing up disabled in Australia, and growing up indigenous, ditto.

I was entertained, informed, made to laugh my head off (really. Thankyou Anthony Nocera) and increased my understanding of the emotional life of non-straight people.

These stories and essays are by people who see, and are told, that they are different to straight people, but these pieces ironically confirm how very much the same we all are. We all need love and to feel we are accepted and belong. One of the saddest and most consistent messages I got from these pieces was the loneliness encountered when the individual perceives they are different and cannot be who they really are for fear of losing love or putting themselves in physical jeopardy. Something I hope is changing in our society and something this book could help speed along.

These journeys are at times heart-rending, joyful, fascinating and many other things besides, but overall they have positive outcomes of people who learn to find acceptance of themselves and with others, and ultimately love or the promise of it.

I highly recommend this collection of educational essays,--potted biographies in a way,--for increasing your empathy and understanding of how this minority lives and sees the world.

[Sim ✨ · Rating 4 out of 5]

Such a slow read for me 🤪 but understandably so, as queer experiences are often hard, heavy and hurtful. At the same time, there were still some joyous moments to offset it all and restore hope for a world filled with authentic, proud queers and their allies.

I loved how diverse this collection is (and should be) and the Australian-ness of them all. A quintessential read — looking forward to reading the other ‘Growing Up *insert identity marker here* in Australia’ anthologies.

[Wes]

More reviews on insta - @books.coffee.plants

The contributors to this anthology of Black Inc’s “Growing Up… in Australia” series do what it says on the tin - provide a tapestry of voices from across the rainbow spectrum about growing up queer in Aus.

As a gay man, I enjoyed reading about the experiences of others in the wider queer community - across generations, ethnicities, religions and locations.

A valuable piece of literature adding to queer voices Down Under.

[Melissa · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed reading the book. It let‘s you immerse in so many different perspectives and experiences of various aspects of queer life (and you learn something about living in Australia as well). The single stories really helped me in understanding what it’s like to grow up and live queer but at the same time it could resonate with them.

One of my favorite quotes:
Sometimes the planets dance, the rivers run the wrong way and the timber curls. Sometimes, you turn out gay.

[Carmel · Rating 5 out of 5]

I rarely read books twice and I can’t remember ever starting again straight away - that’s what I’m doing with this one. First time round I read it Audible/kindle. While listening, I really wanted to highlight key lines but that’s hard to do when you’re driving so this time will be a kindle and highlighting read.

[Emily · Rating 5 out of 5]

A really beautiful collection, really well put together, with a range of stories from a truly diverse range of backgrounds and experiences. Each story feels honest and full of meaning - and there's a nice balance between acknowledging the struggles of growing up queer in Australia, and celebrating identity. Highly impactful, and meaningful.

[Hermine · Rating 4 out of 5]

Contains all the good stuff like shame, guilt, isolation, family disownment, guilt, sex, toxic masculinity, repression, internalised homophobia, judgement and need for validation. A wide-ranging spectrum of the human experience.

[Lydia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved it! A fantastic book of experiences, emotions and one's journey to acceptance and identity. A powerful resource, and an honor to hear personal stories, a true humbling experience.

[Tess · Rating 5 out of 5]

A well-encompassed and deeply personal anthology that explores the Australian queer experience with such heart. 4.5 stars

[Suzie · Rating 4 out of 5]

A great compilation, with some being incredibly emotionally raw. I like to think that I've learned something by reading this. Thank you all for sharing your stories

[Emma · Rating 5 out of 5]

Again essential reading

[Claire Teale · Rating 5 out of 5]

Im just sad I didn’t read this earlier! Amazing book

[Hannah · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a gorgeous group of stories. Beautifully written. Such a wonderful resource for young people. I'm so glad my school is using it.